Chapter Text
“Did you miss me, listeners? Admit it. You missed me.”
“The city council would like to remind everyone to not go to the dog park. Do not look at the dog park, do not think of the dog park, and most importantly do not pay any attention to the hooded figures in the dog park. The dog park is not for humans or dogs.”
“Exciting news today, we have two visitors, they are the Great niece and nephew of our resident and owner of the Mystery shack Stan Pines. Dipper and Mable Pines are visiting on summer break from college. So if you see them give them a warm welcome. I think I like these new residents. Especially Dipper Pines. Beautiful Dipper, with soft brown hair and lovely brown eyes…”
“I actually talked to them a little bit when they stopped at a gas station before heading to their great uncle's shack.”
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“Now let's take a look at our community calendar. Sunday is our annual opening for fishing season, so take your family out to the lake! Monday will be like a dream. Tuesday just says no. Wednesday was canceled due to a scheduling error. Thursday and Friday are a mystery. And on Saturday what is lost will be found. Well this sounds like an easy week!”
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“I just got news that The Gnomes that live in the forest have got a new queen! More on this as it develops. Also, my intern 8 Ball has said that Little Gideon our favorite psychic is back in town! Welcome home Gideon. Welcome Home. Now onto traffic… There is a man, he's alone and far from home, he's been traveling for quite some time. But he is so close, so so close to getting the last bit he needs before his journey is complete. He just needs a little longer, then maybe, he won't be alone any more… well the roads look clear today!”
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“Old man Mcgucket has said he has spotted the elusive Gobblewonker. But the city council says that everything should be safe for fishing this Sunday and not to worry. I agree though we should not be scared of such tall tales, everyone knows that lake monsters are completely harmless, just the other day i was by the lake and saw a giant floating head, and all it did was say some gibberish and i was all like oh look a giant floating head coming at me, but it'll be fine. And well I'm here, am I not? Anyway, onto the weather.”
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“Turns out that Mable Pines was the one abducted by the Gnomes to be their queen. Her brave brother Dipper Pines saved her! So once again the Gnomes are without a queen. Though nothing new with that, i guess. The gnomes are constantly trying to kidnap young girls to be their queen, so a reminder to parents out there, watch your children when going out to the woods and teach your children the best way to escape from those small men. But can you imagine it? Handsome Brave Dipper Pines, rushing in to save his sister from such a horrible situation, I wish I was there to watch it. What a shame.”
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“Once again, the sun sets the same way it has risen, another day has ended which means another show has ended, thank you for listening to Gravity falls, and with this I wish you good night. Good night. Gravity falls.”
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Away in the Mystery Shack Dipper and Mable go to bed after a long day. As they do Stan glares at the radio and heads down to the basement, as he steps into his brother's lab he glares at the portal. “I swear Cipher. If you mess with those kids, I’ll kill you.” Stan takes a deep breath and gets back to work on the portal, trying to forget about the way that Bill Cipher was complementing Dipper over the radio.
Stan then stops for a moment and tries to think. How old is Bill? He's been around here for longer than he has. Yet Bill looks the same age as Dipper, heck Stan if he took better care of himself would look younger than he is. Time has not been the same since he came here.
He's thought about all the times over the years when he went to visit the kids in California and they wanted to come, but he said no because he didn't want them to get caught up in the weirdness, and here they are now, 21 going to college, he's said yes because they are adults now. But he still worries. Dipper is so much like Ford. Stan takes another breath and blinks back tears. “Don't ruin them, Cipher. Please.” he practically begs. He's not sure what Bill did. But he has the same tattoos as those tapestries hanging in Ford's weird shrine room. Stan shakes his head and gets back to work.