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There were worse things that Ratio could be doing than freezing to death.
At least that’s what he tells himself, stuck inside a snowbank only Aeon’s know where in the countryside of a remote planet within the Asdana star system.
He is here for research, attempting to discern differences in the way memoria interacts in harsher environments, as it was vital for another project he was working on. However, Ratio had gotten in over his head, overconfident since the past few weeks had been going surprisingly well, which means him and his team had been completely caught off guard when they became subject to a surprise avalanche, which now leaves him at risk of hypothermia, injured and entirely alone in the middle of nowhere. With his remaining strength, he had managed to crawl into a nearby cave, but if Ratio doesn’t find a way to warm up soon, he knows things will get bad.
Unfortunately, his communicator is also broken, and his phone has no signal, meaning it would likely take hours or maybe even days for anyone to find them, assuming the rest of his team even survived the disaster. Unwilling to dedicate his remaining strength to what ifs, Ratio thinks about using Imaginary Energy to somehow start a fire, but it’s a fruitless endeavor, considering how the ventilation in the cave he’s in isn’t exactly the best, and suffocating himself to death sounds even less appealing than dying to the cold. Sighing, Ratio instead settles on creating several blankets of sorts, which he then uses to both to wrap his scattered wounds, and to try conserving some body heat, a feeble attempt to escape the endless cold. He knows solving the situation entirely in his current position is impossible, and the injuries Ratio sustained wouldn’t be fatal on their own. However, he lost a lot of blood, which means he’s even more susceptible to freezing to death than usual, seeing as there was less of it to warm him up, so at least Ratio could find comfort in the fact that he was doing something.
Unfortunately, he was by no means out of the woods yet, as he can already feel himself losing touch in his extremities. Moreover, the place he found himself trapped in wasn’t just any old snowy environment, as manifestations of memoria haunted the region, ones which they had been attempting to study, so it was practically a miracle that none of them had started torturing him yet. Unlike most of their kind, these apparitions seemed to possess some level of consciousness, often taunting their victims who succumb to the icy cold, jeering at their inevitable demise and haunting them with their greatest fears before the end, or at least that’s what the few survivors say. Most who encounter these memoria are already at death's door, unable to escape, and soon Ratio could be the one joining them. Either way, he has no desire to test that theory, even if the experience could prove useful for his research.
Excellent. Ratio’s muddled thoughts muse. Just excellent.
Another cold breeze enters through the narrow entrance of the cave, causing Ratio to shudder again. However, that’s not all misfortune the outside world brings, as he finds himself face to face with his first memoria delusion, primed and ready for its unwelcome arrival.
It’s a strange looking creature, resembling a peacock of sorts, but instead of the characteristic green one would associate with the bird, this particular specimen is colored sickeningly bright neon pink and cyan, and its feathers are coated with countless glowing navy eyes. Quite frankly Ratio finds it to be gaudy and irritating on appearance alone, but what spills out of its mouth somehow manages to bother Ratio even further.
“Haha.” It laughs shrilly, in an oddly familiar cadence, one which strikes Ratio to his core as remarkable familiar. “You’re gonna die Doctor~” he hears the bird taunts, expanding its feathers fully to scrutinize him with those hundred or so eyes.
Ratio frowns. Do even memoria know that ridiculous nickname of mine? Although I suppose it is born of my own consciousness…
It spins around him, clearly trying to get his attention by swishing its tail in his face, or pecking him all across his body- although being memoria, he obviously can’t feel it. Ratio does his best to pay it no mind, and disgruntled at his lack of a response, at last the creature dissipates, but not without whispering something strange into his ear.
“You’re going to lose him.”
And with that it's gone, as elusive as the wind that brought it in.
Weird. Ratio thinks, trying to shake off the delusions, but he’s immediately greeted by another strange visitor, this one even more peculiar than the last.
It’s an entity resembling a man clad head to toe in mangled robes, pitch black in color, with it’s silhouette resembling a suit, and it’s unreadable face entirely concealed from the world, although if Ratio was to look under its hood, he’d find its head to be as dark as the endless night, devoid of features entirely. Ratio tilts his head, wondering how exactly this is supposed to scare him, until the figure finally speaks.
“Care to play a game?” It asks in a familiar voice, pulling out a gun, and showing it to Ratio. His eyes widen as he realizes it’s not just any random old pistol either.
“Oh.” Ratio says, realization dawning on him, as he at last understands the situation at hand, mentally filing the details away for later. “I don’t want to.” He replies, voice shaky despite the confident facade he attempts to put on. He refuses to let this twisted version of that oh so troublesome man, the man he can’t admit he loves to scare him.
“Why not, doctor?” The creature questions, laughing maniacally, and pulling the barrel to his chest, in a manner Ratio has seen play out time and time again in his worst nightmares. It inches closer, motioning for Ratio to reach out and pull the trigger, to take control of the weapon like he had done before, to fire.
Ratio shakes his head, refusing with every single fiber of his being, which causes the man to sigh and do it himself instead, firing those three familiar rounds. However, unlike in the past, the creature loses the gamble, and explodes into a brilliant flash of light as the final shot connects, ripping the man apart into a million shattered pieces.
Temporarily blinded, Ratio winces as the brightness fills the room, taking his remaining focus with it. By now he’s irritated, freezing, biting back tears from pain and far, far more scared and upset than he would like to admit. It all just ends up being too much, so before he can muster up the strength to stay awake, Ratio slips into unconsciousness, collapsing against the cave wall, succumbing to the endless cold.
_______________________
At last Aventurine finds him.
He’s been feverishly searching the ruins around the avalanche for the past few hours, arriving at the scene as soon as he was informed that something had gone awry. Unwilling to waste a single second, Aventurine had donned his cornerstone form and ran, using his heightened senses and a pair of thermal goggles to search for survivors. It has been exhausting work, even with the help of the Aventurine stone, and fortunately, he’s found and saved very many, rescuing every member of the research team.
Well, every member but one, as to Aventurine’s growing fear and disappointment, he still hasn’t found Ratio.
Person after person he pulled from the snow, praying to see that familiar purple hair or the glint of the doctor’s laurel, but time and time again Aventurine was left unsatisfied. By the last person he got to, he was almost on his knees begging for them to be Ratio, but alas, it was merely another employee, although he was grateful to have saved them nonetheless.
There was one bitter comfort that Aventurine held close to his heart- at least he hadn’t found Ratio’s dead body yet. Perhaps he should be thankful that he hasn’t had to drag his ‘friends’ body out of the snow. However, the complete lack of a trace of him was starting to worry Aventurine, as it was almost as if the doctor had gone missing.
Almost giving up hope, he decides to press on, and go for the last heat signature he saw, one that was further away and fainter than all the others, one which he assumed to be some sort of animal or other unlucky creature that got caught up in the avalanche, but he was unwilling to ignore the brief possibility that it could be Ratio.
As he got closer, things started to become more clear to Aventurine, and he realized that the signature wasn’t different because it wasn’t human, it was different because it belonged to an individual hidden underneath the earth, likely in some sort of cave, which was why it was fainter.
In his heart of hearts, Aventurine knows it’s him.
Rushing to the scene and barreling through the entrance of the cavern, Aventurine stumbles upon the one person he had been looking for the whole time.
Doctor Veritas Ratio, collapsed on the rocky floor, as lifeless as a corpse.
Trembling, Aventurine surges forward, praying to every life form imaginable that his worst fears had not come true.
“Nonononononono.” He mumbles, caressing Ratio’s stone cold face with his talons, attempting to feel his neck for a pulse. A few moments of agonized silence pass as Aventurine struggles to find it, almost giving up hope, when at last, a faint, but steady heartbeat becomes apparent to him.
Ratio is alive.
Breathing a huge sigh of relief, Aventurine pulls him close and lifts him into his arms when the other man suddenly stirs, briefly awakened by his movements.
“Ratio!” Aventurine exclaims happily, unconsciously squeezing him tighter.
However, instead of being met with relief, Aventurine’s rather delirious friend starts spouting what seems to be utter nonsense.
“Ugh.” He groans. “When will this stupid landscape stop- s-stop haunting me with delusions.” Ratio mumbles, teeth chattering. “Alt-Although I must- I must say, this one is far more convincing than the -the last.” He slurs, attempting to bring his hand to Aventurine’s face, but ultimately being too weak to succeed.
“Veritas.” Aventurine whispers quietly. “I’m real.”
Ratio scoffs. “The other- other one’s believed that too.” His face falls, eyes unfocused staring at the floor beneath him. “Seems nobodies coming for me.” He muses softly. “Not even you.”
Aventurine grits his teeth. It’s clear that the memoria in this area has been messing with Ratio’s head, so he decides to deal with implications behind these delusions later, choosing to just bring Ratio home for now, as he still remains in critical condition, teetering on the edge of consciousness. The Stoneheart races out the entrance with Ratio in his arms, doing his best to not disturb the blankets Ratio had wrapped around himself, and by the time he’s back outside, the delirious man has passed out once more.
This day is going to be a long one.
__________________________
Finally, Aventurine arrives at the nearest shelter, which happens to be some ancient hotel, likely a remnant from the first people who settled here, and hastily books a room, carrying Ratio inside and depositing him into one of the couches in the foyer before doing so. A rather confused and nervous attendant goes along with his ridiculous request once he dumps a pile of cash onto the counter, making no protest as Aventurine picks Ratio up again and speeds to their suite, unwilling to waste a single second.
Fortunately, it seems to him this place was made for the local weather, as their room was outfitted with a built-in fireplace, a small kitchen with a coffee maker and microwave, and thick, heavy blankets on top of a queen bed and two couches placed near the fireplace, all of which were perfect to combat the cold. To Aventurine’s delight, the heating in the building was somehow still working despite the disaster, meaning Ratio should have already begun warming up, as Aventurine’s body heat was barely a comfort. However, the stoneheart knows their current situation isn’t even close to being enough, he needs to warm up Ratio fast.
Peeling off the man’s now drenched clothing, and dusting off the snow that remains, as well as removing the makeshift bandages Ratio made out of imaginary energy, which had already begun to fade away due to Ratio’s waning strength, Aventurine strips Ratio completely naked, tossing the wet garments by the fireplace to dry later, revealing pale skin tinged a sickening shade of purple. He’s aware that putting Ratio right by the fire now would be a bad idea, as heating him up too fast could prove to be fatal- Ratio himself had taught him that- so Aventurine settles on transforming back for now, and seeing if the bathroom had any decent towels to dry Ratio off with, as the cold water he was soaked in certainly wasn’t helping.
Arriving back with a sizable handful of them, Aventurine begins to wipe down Ratio, attempting to get rid of as much water as he can. If not for the circumstances, this would be strangely intimate, but Aventurine is completely focused, attempting to finish the job as fast as possible, and ignoring just how exposed Ratio is currently. By the time he’s finished, several of the towels are waterlogged, and he tosses those too by the fireplace, but at last, Ratio is pleasantly dry. Lying him flat on the floor, Aventurine immediately pulls his phone out, informing the others of Ratio’s survival and their whereabouts, while taking out his cornerstone with his other hand and placing it beside the doctor, finally breathing a much earned sign of relief.
Satisfied, Aventurine checks Ratio’s temperature again, and what he finds sets him on edge all over again
He’s still cold. Alarmingly cold, even after being in a warm room for at least half an hour. Aventurine runs his hands along icy skin, intertwining his fingers with Ratio’s, attempting to keep them warm, fearful that the man could lose his precious hands. Aventurine shudders, not at the feeling itself, but at how Ratio’s normally soft, warm hands are stiff and cold. The one silver lining to the situation was that he hadn’t started showing signs of hypothermia yet but Aventurine already knew why- the power of the Preservation exuding from his cornerstone had prevented that, as well as slowly starting to heal his injuries- but that was barely a comfort, knowing that without the stone, Ratio would have perished.
So, Aventurine feels he has no choice but to execute the crazy idea that has been brewing in the back of his mind ever since he found Ratio.
Normally, he wouldn’t even dream of touching Ratio like this without asking first, even if they were good ‘friends’. However, desperate times call for desperate measures, and now that he was no longer hyper-focused on Ratio’s well being, Aventurine realized that he was feeling rather cold himself, although hours outside in a frozen wilderness would unsurprisingly do that to someone.
Therefore, he figures it’s time to indulge Ratio’s favorite pastime, even if unwillingly, and give the man a nice, warm bath.
So, Aventurine strips and dries himself off too, transforming back briefly to carry Ratio to the bathroom quicker, almost hitting his head on the doorway in the process with the way he hastily speeds throughout the room. Fortunately, as he already noticed, Ratio’s injuries have begun to heal due to the passive effects of Aventurine’s cornerstone, as Qilpoth wasn’t the aeon of Preservation for no reason, meaning merely being in the rocks’ presence was mending the scrapes and bruises Ratio had endured during the avalanche. However, the more serious injuries like Ratio’s clearly broken ankle would require actual medical attention, but Aventurine knows that’s a problem to deal with later.
After all, whether the doctor can walk or not won’t be a problem either of them will have to deal with if he’s dead.
When obtaining the towels, to his delight, Aventurine had noticed that the bathroom was indeed outfitted with a tub, meaning if he were to bathe Ratio, he wouldn’t have to do it standing up, which was good considering the man probably couldn’t stand at all. Turning on the warm water, Aventurine waits for it to fill the tub, then slowly but carefully lsubmerges Ratio into it, gently lowering him inside, and making sure his head is above the water before Aventurine climbs in himself.
Honestly, he is a little confused as for what to do next, because as much as he wants to clean Ratio, Aventurine reasons that since the other man is a) unconscious b) extremely particular with the products he uses and c) would probably freak out if he woke up to that. Therefore, Aventurine decides to stay just until he feels warm again, feeling the water lap against his skin, a pleasant heat akin to a ray of sunshine. He looks at Ratio, who still hasn’t moved an inch from where Aventurine placed him. The stoneheart frowns seeing the lines of stress on his face, and the soft grimace he still carries, relaxed only by being jostled around so much. It dawns on him that he's never seen Ratio so off guard before- so helpless. The sight is sickening almost, yet another grim reminder of how close Aventurine was to failing Ratio and losing him forever, as even the doctor’s favorite baths could not shake him out of his misery. He wants to slide up to him, to pull Ratio into a warm embrace and tell him that everything is going to be alright, but Aventurine refrains.
Finally warm again, he gets out carefully so as to not disturb Ratio, and hastily dries himself off. Even though the urge to just stay in the tub and hold the other man was strong, Aventurine had decided against it, reasoning that it’s not what Ratio would want if he was conscious.
However, now he was met with a new dilemma- a growing sense of uselessness. There’s not much Aventurine can do but just sit and wait for Ratio to wake up, which is somehow mind-numbingly boring AND incredibly stressful, a nightmarish combination he wouldn’t even wish on his worst enemy. Aventurine already hates feeling helpless when it comes to his own situation, but when it involves someone he loves? Well, that’s just a recipe for disaster.
As he’s about to get up and begin feverishly pacing around the hotel room, Aventurine hears an emergency announcement from some of the speakers outside his room.
“Due to the recent devastating avalanche, and the people that have been injured because of it, power will temporarily be cut from our hotel in order to be redirected to the nearest hospital for the time being. Customers will still be able to use the fireplaces, and you will find the fuel is stored beside them. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and those who remain inside the hotel will be compensated for 50% of their admission fee, as well as granted free room service for future visits and when the power returns. Please stay tuned for more information, and we wish you a good night.”
Shit. Aventurine thinks, scrambling upward. He knows he can no longer rely on the water to warm Ratio up, as it will soon turn ice cold, meaning he had to turn to other methods to keep the doctor warm- ones he most certainly was not excited to employ.
Transforming back, Aventurine hauls Ratio out of the tub and picks him up once more, pleased to find him warmer than before, but still not back to his usual temperature. He walks back into the main area and sets Ratio in front of the fireplace careful to leave him a reasonable distance away, and lays him flat on the ground again, wincing as water drips off him down into the carpeted floor, forming a small puddle around him again. Quickly, using the fuel provided, Aventurine goes to the fireplace and sets it ablaze- conveniently just as the power goes out, leaving the only source of light to be its burning flame. Scarily, the temperature starts to fall incredibly fast, and while Aventurne goes to dry Ratio off again, just a ten minutes past when the power gets cut out, he notices the room starting to feel cold, much like the outside world had.
Aventurine shudders, but not because of the chill. The fire won’t be enough, he knows it won’t be enough. He can’t get Ratio closer to it as the extreme difference in temperature would harm him even further, but the gambler also knows that he won’t be warm enough with just the passive heat. If he did nothing, Ratio could freeze again.
So, he resorts to the tactic that has been eating away at the back of his mind for some time.
Returning back to human form, Aventurine tears off a bunch of blankets from the couches and sets them beside Ratio. Then, he pulls the other man in close, flush to his bare chest, and wraps them up in the covers, ensuring that the only skin Ratio has exposed to the cold air is his neck and head.
Aventurine frowns, hugging Ratio tightly.
He’s miserable. Ratio is safe and sound but Aventurine is still miserable, and that in turn makes him feel even worse.
They lay there in silence for a while, Aventurine finding strained comfort in being able to feel the slow rise and fall of Ratio’s chest, and the pleasant warmth of his hot breath against Aventurine’s body, much unlike the rest of him, even as he’s getting better.
But it isn’t enough.
Maybe it’s because of how close Ratio was to death, or maybe because the normally lively man was so cold and lifeless, or maybe because he’s injured and Aventurine has never seen him in anything but perfect condition.
However, the gambler knows that deep down, none of those are really why he’s so upset currently.
No, it’s because Ratio didn’t believe Aventurine would save him, even after all they have been through. Distraught, he clutches the other man tightly, unknowingly causing him to awaken.
Do I not mean enough to him? Does he think the same for me? What did he mean by “others”? What exactly did Ratio see?
But before Aventurine can even try to conclude his train of thought, Ratio speaks.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
_________________________
Ratio’s not cold anymore. Embraced by warm arms, resting his head on someone’s soft chest, the aching chill that had consumed his bones at last dissipated. He was feeling relaxed and drowsy, which was very welcome considering the nightmare of a day he’d be having, but there was one, small problem.
The source of this comfort was none other than Aventurine of Stratagems.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Ratio blurted out, unthinking. Aventurine immediately recoils away, an unfamiliar look of shame crossing his face, mumbling a quiet apology. Slowly, Ratio starts to put the pieces together, getting an idea of what had transpired between now and when he was last conscious.
The visions. The one who claimed to be there to save him. The endless cold. Waking up by a fireplace, lying in Aventurine’s arms.
Shit.
Ratio’s worst dreams have come true. Panic starts to consume him, dragging him back into those horrible, icy depths once more.
He can’t see me like this. He can’t. He can’t. Just when Penacony ended. Just when things finally became normal- this happens. He can’t see me like this- all helpless like some, some child. Aventurine finally started living for himself and I just had to go in and throw a wrench in his recovery. If it wasn’t for my own foolish arrogance, we wouldn’t need to be here, and he wouldn’t need to risk his life to save me. And after all that, I yelled at him? And for what? -My ridiculous desire to die of hypothermia apparently! What do I do n-
“-atio, Ratio.” Aventurine exclaims. Unthinking, he had grabbed onto Ratio’s shoulders, attempting to shake the doctor out of his daze, which manages to get his attention.
However, to Ratio’s growing panic and frustration, he just can’t seem to muster up the ability to reply, words dying in his throat as soon as he forms them, leaving him staring back at Aventurine with wide eyes, hands shaking.
“You’re panicking, but it’s okay, I’m here, I’m here, don’t worry.” Aventurine reassures calmly, although even in his daze, Ratio can tell Aventurine is incredibly nervous.
“I’m fine.” He at last manages to stutter out after a few tense moments of silence, only interrupted by his uneven breathing. “Don’t worry about me, gambler, I’m fine-.” Ratio chokes out, pushing him away.
Awkwardly attempting to stand up and escape from this situation, Ratio immediately topples back over because of his broken ankle, falling right back into Aventurines arms. Great.
“Let me just- let me just help you to bed.” Aventurine says sheepishly, voice barely a whisper.
Without a sound, Ratio accepts, although he offers not a gesture to demonstrate that, tears rolling quietly down his cheeks.
Silently, they stumble over to the bed, and Ratio pushes Aventurine away again before he can help him crawl underneath the covers. Wordlessly, Aventurine leaves, retreating to the couch by the fireplace. The lack of noise is deafening, his guilt and confusion already consuming him. He doesn’t know what to do. The only thing Ratio can hear is his labored breathing and terribly shaky heart. He remains completely still, yet the room is spinning around him, the sounds of silence echoing in his eardrums. Despite being safe, Ratio feels just as, if not more, helpless than before. It’s simply too much.
And worst of all, he’s cold. Terribly cold. The ambient heat of the fireplace and the insulation of the blankets help, but he can’t help but feel that horrible chill returning. He grips the mattress beneath him, curling inwards on himself. Everything feels wrong. Everything is wrong. His skin is too tight, his nails are too oily, his stomach hurts, from either guilt or starvation or stress but it doesn’t matter. There’s a pervasive feeling of sadness gripping around his racing heart, constricting his breathing like an iron vice, and the blankets covering him feel less like protection and more like a prison. Ratio gasps for air, but it’s like his lungs are being filled with icy water, drowning his desperate breaths. He tries to claw his way to the surface, to get a grip on reality once more, but it’s futile, and his efforts only exhaust him further, sinking him deeper and deeper until all Ratio can feel is the cold, both inside and out. He’s numb. The frigid air is burning him alive. Salty tears stream down his face, irritating his already sensitive skin.
His ears are ringing unbearably loud, muffling every sound he makes, to the point where Ratio doesn’t even realize he’s no longer containing his violent sobs. They echo throughout the hotel room, bouncing off the walls and alerting Aventurine, who was still lying curled up on the couch.
For a moment, Aventurine is as frozen as Ratio is, unsure of whether to approach him or not. He doesn’t want to make the situation worse than it already is, even if that leaves Ratio in his misery for potentially hours, which would hurt him almost as much as it would Ratio. Aventurine has never seen him cry before, let alone have an actual breakdown, so he’s remiss as do what to do in this situation, especially considering he’s already pushed Aventurine away, trying again would be a risky move for the gambler to make, even if he truly wanted to comfort Ratio once more.
It’s a desperate gamble, but he’s won far worse.
Attempting to get off the couch as quietly as possible, Aventurine inches his way towards the bed, where he can see Ratio curled up under the covers, still sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. He knows that the other man would likely prefer to not be physically shaken out of it again, as Aventurine himself was intimately familiar with how unhelpful it could be, how jarring it was. The only reason he did it earlier was out of instinct, but now that he had time to think, he was stuck. Aventurine knows he hates being touched without permission, especially in a vulnerable state like Ratio’s, where everything feels wrong and uncertain. In the past, being caught by others in situations like these, it always made him feel as if he was some exotic creature splayed out on a researcher’s desk, sections of him being pinned and pulled apart to be examined further. Prying eyes searching for the reason behind his misery. Shallow looks of pity as his “saviors” stare at the poor new recruit suffering from nightmares, entirely unaware of the depths of his depravity. Aventurine hates being viewed as innocent, as in need of protection, as weak, but he doesn’t know if Ratio will be the same. He doesn’t know how Ratio would react to that kind of treatment. However, despite his hatred of it, Aventurine understands that a majority of the time, people truly are trying to be helpful, even if it doesn’t feel that way, and perhaps, this is what Ratio needs right now, even if he doesn’t want it.
Maybe I should stop assuming that what I’m comfortable with is what he is comfortable with. That what hurts me is what would hurt him. Aventurine reasons. He sighs and steps back a bit, pondering what to do next.
Ratio pushed me away earlier when I tried that… but I can’t just, I can’t just leave him like- like this. He vaguely gestures towards Ratio, as if to prove his own point. The other man still hasn’t noticed his presence, although his sobs have grown quieter.
Would I want to be alone like this? I know I have before, but if the roles were reversed, would I want Ratio to just- let me suffer out of fear of bruising my ego? Let me experience a panic attack when he could have helped? He’d never leave me here…
The warm glow of the fireplace illuminates Aventurine’s anxious expression. The soft cracking of the fire brings the tense silence to life. The sound of Ratio softly crying sets his heart ablaze.
Aventurine knows his answer.
“Ratio.” He says quietly, having leaned in closer, hovering just above the doctor’s ear.
The man in question stirs a bit, turning over to look at Aventurine, eyes glassy and full of tears, face wet from crying. He’s unable to fully meet Aventurine’s intense gaze, choosing to stare off into the distance again, at the glowing embers, but Aventurine knows he’s listening.
“You must be cold. This side of the room is quite far from the fire, and it will take a while for it to become warm again. It must be uncomfortable, so come with me, you should move to one of the couches, I can help.” He whispers softly, attempting to test the waters, disguising his true concern.
Ratio’s expression is unreadable as he’s processing Aventurine’s words. Instead of comfort, or reassurance, the gambler met him with a proposal instead, a word of hurt hidden by a mere friendly suggestion, a poor attempt at pretending he was clueless for the sake of Ratio’s ego. The scholar sighs, although he can’t help but commend Aventurine for his cleverness, as calling him out for caring more than he lets on would spark a heartfelt conversation, one which he wasn’t entirely ready to begin. However, pushing him away again would be similarly unhelpful, and would likely irreparably damage their relationship. No matter how upset Ratio is, he knows he certainly would feel even worse if he hurt Aventurine once more for just trying to help him.
So, wordlessly, he takes Aventurine’s outstretched hand, and allows him to bring Ratio to the unoccupied couch, which was slightly closer to the fire. It too was covered in blankets and adorned with soft, fluffy pillows, but Aventurine does not help him rearrange the setup, leaving Ratio to figure it out himself as he helps him sit down, quickly retreating to the other couch that he was already sleeping in. It stings, knowing Aventurine fears his reaction, and is walking on eggshells around him, even if it was out of genuine concern. Ratio watches him silently pull the covers over himself, resting his head on one of the pillows, heart breaking as he sees Aventurine turn away from him to face the cushions. Feeling defeated, he does the same, although Ratio does not look away, choosing to face Aventurine’s direction instead.
I have to say something. His mind urges, and he stares at the gambler once more, eyes tracing over the man’s still form. He’s not sleeping, I know what someone looks like when they are sleeping... is he, is he waiting for something? Or just having trouble falling asleep? Ratio lifts his head off the pillow and sits up, staring at Aventurine, who clearly heard him stir, yet he still refuses to move or acknowledge his presence.
But, his inaction does not seem born of malice.
Does Aventurine... Does he think this is what I want?
I suppose I have made it seem that way…
Ratio chuckles to himself, but nothing is funny, and despite the heat of the flames, that cold feeling begins to return.
“You’re going to lose him again.” The creature's words echo in his mind, ringing in his ears. Perhaps it was just taunting Ratio, attempting to mess with his head- yet he can’t help but feel…
Aren’t those memoria supposed to show you your worst fears? What you want to see the least? But mine…
He pauses.
…but all of mine were related to him.
Ratio’s eyes widen as the horrifying truth dawns on him, one he had spent so long trying to run from.
My worst fear is losing him- losing Kakavasha.
And it will happen because I’m too afraid to keep him in the first place.
“I’m cold.” Ratio says.
“Hmm?” Aventurine mumbles, turning to face him just like Ratio did before.
“You were right.” He explains. “I’m cold, and the area over here isn’t warm enough...”
“Oh.” Aventurine exclaims, immediately sitting up, alert. “What would help then?” He asks honestly, although Ratio can hear a hesitation to his words- the fear of rejection- the fear that this concession of Ratio’s will get them nowhere.
“It’s warmer on your side.” Ratio replies plainly, as if he was stating some obvious fact, and shakily, he stands up, attempting to still maintain his bravado as he limps across the floor, eventually making it to the other couch, and sitting beside Aventurine.
He cannot hold the facade much longer.
Aventurine gives him a small smile.
The dam breaks.
Tears stream down Ratio’s face, but this time, he does not attempt to prevent the other man from seeing them. Concerned, Aventurine slowly but surely inches closer, gaining more confidence as he sees Ratio making no attempt to dissuade him, even as the doctor breaks out into sobs again.
At last, Aventurine reaches him, and cautiously rests a hand on Ratio’s bare shoulder.
“I’m here.” He says.
And that’s all it takes.
Before he can even react, Ratio pins Aventurine to the couch, wrapping his arms around him as he sobs into the gambler's chest. Aventurine is surprised, but he is not afraid, bringing one of his hands to Ratio’s hair, and gently running his fingers through it. The scholar is warm, his skin akin to the comforting heat one feels when standing near an oven or on the outskirts of a campfire, yet, Aventurine still can’t help but want to burn away the cold completely.
With his free hand, he tugs at the blanket haphazardly thrown to the other side of the couch and covers him and Ratio with it as best he can, leaving room for the doctor’s head to poke out. Admittedly, Ratio is pretty heavy, so Aventurine adjusts them so they are laying side by side, with Ratio’s leaning on the back of the couch and himself hanging off the edge. It’s a rather tight squeeze, as the couch clearly wasn’t made for two grown men to sleep on, but Aventurine makes it work, pulling himself flush to Ratio, and dragging the pillow underneath them again to rest their heads on.
Now that he’s done maneuvering, Aventurine runs his free hand along Ratio’s spine, much like how the scholar rests his hands on his. However, while Ratio remains mostly still, gently clutching Aventurine’s waist, the gambler instead moves up to Ratio’s shoulder blades, rubbing his bare upper back. Clearly unused to being touched there, Ratio shudders a bit, but he allows Aventurine to continue massaging the stress out of his muscles, slowly but surely causing the doctor to relax, something which he clearly hasn’t been able to do for quite a while. Ratio holds him like he might disappear at any moment, and Aventurine soon finds himself doing the same.
They are quite entangled, as besides the hug, Aventurine’s knee is positioned between Ratio’s legs, with their calves intertwined, so it’s no surprise that Aventurine eventually loses balance, pulling him- and Ratio- off the couch.
He hits the floor roughly, letting out a groan as his limbs collide with the carpet, but fortunately nothing was broken, as it wasn’t exactly a great fall, only a little disorienting. However, he finds that wasn't by coincidence- as somehow- Ratio is the one who ended up bearing the brunt of the blow, hitting his back against the soft carpet, reeling from the shock, hair strewn about behind him.
“Sorry about that.” He apologizes sheepishly, hoping Ratio would forgive him for his clumsiness.
However, instead of being upset, the other man’s eyes are as wide as saucers, face a bright crimson as Aventurine realizes the precarious position they have found themselves in, with him practically straddling the other man, pinning him to the floor.
“Let’s uh.. let’s just get to bed. The room’s warm now.” Aventurine suggests, sliding off of Ratio’s chest and standing up, it’s awkward, both helping the other man off the floor, and shamefully filing that moment away in his mind, but Aventurine makes it work.
As they walk towards the bed, Aventurine can’t help but notice just how clingy Ratio is, as the other man is practically hugging his arm, refusing to let go. Although Aventurine had initially grabbed Ratio’s wrist, it seems he wasn’t satisfied as the doctor had decided to hold Aventurine’s hand instead, gently interlocking their fingers.
How… how cute. Aventurine thinks, offering Ratio a soft smile in return. He can’t help but gush at how the warm firelight illuminates the doctor's face, accenting his sharp but kind features, utterly enchanting Aventurine. Ratio no longer looks gaunt and pale, as the life has returned to his body, and slowly but surely it’s drawing Aventurine in, tugging on his heartstrings little by little. Just as they reach the foot of the bed, Aventurine feels something- a hand on his face, his own hand.
While their fingers were still intertwined, Ratio had brought Aventurine’s palm up to his cheek, caressing it softly, and gently tilting Aventurine’s head, at last making eye contact with him after so long.
In those dawn colored eyes, Aventurine can see all the hope in the world shining brighter than a thousand suns, illuminating all those who fall under their scrutinizing gaze. He shivers, but not from the cold, as one can’t help but feel incredibly honored to be worthy of Ratio’s attention. Aventurine can’t believe himself for a moment, can’t believe that he is the one who has captured this brilliant scholar’s curiosity, that he is the one who the esteemed Dr.Ratio is captivated by, that he is the one who the man, Veritas, is in love with.
However, when he looks at Ratio again, any trace of doubt fades away faster than smoke from a fire as his feeble heart is set alight, feeling Ratio’s warm lips against his own.
They hold each other, wrapped in a loving embrace, and caught up in the heat of the moment, Aventurine can’t help but feel a strange sense of belonging settle in his chest when he feels Ratio’s hands grasp desperately at him once more to ravage Aventurine, to kiss him like a man starved, and to hold him like he’s the only thing left in the universe.
Before he even realizes it, they’re collapsed onto the bed, Ratio underneath him once more, tears streaming softly down his cheeks as Aventurine watches a myriad of emotions flicker across his face, none of them being negative. It’s overwhelming almost, the realization that you are in love, and that the person who you fell for reciprocates it. Aventurine has always enjoyed watching Ratio solve problems, seeing the ideas running through his mind as his reactions to things seep through his thoughts and trickle onto his face. He likes seeing the way the corners of Ratio’s tilt slightly up when he’s proven right, or the amusing deadpan he twists into when Aventurine cracks a particular terrible joke, or how his eyes widen a bit when he sees Aventurine, betraying his feigned nonchalance as Aventurine can see on Ratio’s face just how happy he is to see him.
However, nothing compares to what Veritas looks like now, with his expression so full of love, directed entirely and only at him, tenderly offering the strings of his heart for Kakavasha to grasp at and hold gently in his palms, tying those threads of fate around his fingers, connecting them together eternally.
It strikes him that they are in the middle of nowhere, in some tiny hotel on a remote planet in the galaxy, having the most impactful moment of their lives, one which will be engraved in his mind until he dies.
Yet in Ratio’s arms, despite everything, Aventurine can’t help but feel like at last, he’s finally home.