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Everything felt ice cold to Sirius these days. Every room in his family’s thrice-damned ancestral home sent chills to the very centers of his bones. Every step he took, the walls seemed to grow closer together, trapping him in their peeling wallpaper, swallow colors leaching his freezing skin. In an attempt to keep some semblance of warmth, Sirius often found himself gravitating to the upper floors of Grimmauld Place like a particularly moody ghost. After all, heat rises doesn’t it?
Today he’d chosen to sort through some of the numerous volumes of seemingly useless magazines in Grimmauld Place’s dust-filled attic. Sirius sat shivering on the floor, a thin gray fleece blanket draped ineffectually over his shoulders as he leaned back against a particularly rickety Victorian-era pram. He’d haphazardly set up two teetering piles on the dirt-speckled wooden floor in front of him - one that he was thinking of as “to toss now” and other generously dubbed “to toss later.” There was a suspicious number of Witch Weekly back issues in both piles that Sirius found himself hard-pressed to identify who had ever brought them into this cursed place to begin with.
Ignoring the thin layer of grime that had started to build up on his hands as he leafed through article after article describing the best cauldron cake recipes and “ten new wand-free cleaning hacks,” Sirius’ mind drifted again to his perpetual state of frigidness. Clutching the thin, threadbare blanket more closely around his shoulders, Sirius mind gave a very eloquent fuck this! and he decided to waylay his honestly rather pointless pursuit in favor of finding something hot to eat or drink in the kitchen below. Descending down through the floors of his thoroughly loathed home, Sirius tried to keep his eyes on the moth-eaten carpets to avoid glancing at the family tapestries and the curtain blocking his mother’s dreaded portrait.
After several minutes, Sirius stumbled shivering into the kitchen below, surprised to find none other than Remus Lupin standing by a cupboard, intently stirring sugar into a cup of black tea with what appeared to be a piece of a Honeydukes’ chocolate bar.
“Remus, my dear friend, what sort of blasphemy is this?” Sirius quipped as the brown-haired man turned lazily to face him. Blowing steam off the top of the cup, Remus tilted his head slightly to the side. His hazel eyes softly roved over Sirius, making it obvious that he’d sensed Sirius coming long before he’d uttered a word.
“I do believe it adds extra caffeine. Really, that makes this rather healthy if you think about it,” Remus chuckled, placing his cup down on the room’s long wooden table with a soft thud. “Care for a cuppa?”
Anything to get rid of this godforsaken cold, Sirius thinks idly, staring at the steam swirling off the chipped tawny cup Remus had abandoned on the wooden table. Mumbling his acquiescence, Sirius threw himself down on one of the wooden stools, glancing up at the numerous pots and pans that hung around the cavernous room, somehow giving it an even larger, gloomier air.
It really would do to paint this room. Anything to make it seem a fraction less dismal . Sirius had begun imagining the whole room plastered in the most aggressive Chudley Cannons’ orange when he was startled out of his thoughts by a jolt of warmth on his shoulder.
Sharply, Sirius jumped to his feet, coming nearly nose-to-nose with a surprised looking Remus. Taking a short breath in, Remus nodded to the cup in his left hand “Erm, tea?” he seemed to question.
But Sirius wasn’t focused on the steaming mug, his attention was too drawn to the warm hand anchoring his shoulder. Without thinking anything of it, he reached up and blindly grabbed Remus’ hand with his own, anchoring it more firmly into his shoulder, not wanting the beautiful warmth to fade away. Fucking finally he thought to himself.
Unfortunately for Sirius, his automatic reaction was to attempt to sit back down to enjoy the warm feeling currently radiating from his upper body. He didn't realize how awkward a position he was pulling Remus into until Remus nearly tripped into the wooden table as he was thrust into a kneeling position on the wooden stool next to Sirius.
“Errrr,” Sirius mumbled, staring at a teetering Remus. Honey eyes met gray with a bemused expression. Sirius should be focusing on the absolute wreckage of a human interaction this was turning into, but instead he was enraptured by the long sought-after feelings of warmth. His re-painting ideas had shifted to counting the freckles dotting his long-time friend’s nose and was that a new scar?
“....not to say that I mind?” Remus starred expectantly at Sirius. It became obvious as the seconds ticked by, punctuated by the ticking of the house's antiquated grandfather clock, that Remus had asked him a question.
“Ummm,” was Sirius’ elegant response as it struck him that things were beginning to get awkward. “You’re...warm?” he tried, tongue stumbling over the words as they fell out of his mouth almost against his will.
Sirius looked up through his curtain of long dark hair - he really needed a haircut - to find the other man staring at him with a soft expression in his eyes. Remus turning back to the mug of tea, which had thankfully only spilled a little onto the worn wood of the antique kitchen table and deliberately pushed it several hand breadths across the table. Turning back to Sirius he hummed under his breath, and, to Sirius's utmost surprise turned back towards him stretching his arms out on either side of Sirius. It took Sirius’ brain several seconds to figure out precisely what was happening, but before he knew it he was being enveloped by a warm hug, firmer by half than he would have expected. The hug felt exactly like his first time kicking off his shoes in the green grass after escaping Azkaban, it felt like the last sip of water on a searing hot day. In short, it felt perfect.
Letting out what he was sure was a rather embarrassing sigh, Sirius did what could only be described as falling into the hug. Sirius let his center of gravity move off his chair as he leaned further into Remus’ space, chasing the golden feeling of warmth. With his movement, Sirius felt familiar, thin fingers tangle in his hair. A warm wave of nostalgia hit Sirius as he remembered another late autumn day what seemed like eons ago.
Sirius hummed, “Hey Moony, do you remember…?”
Remus chuckled, the sound reverberating through Sirius from where Remus’ arms surrounded him. He stopped moving his hands for a few seconds as he reminisced “Oh yes, the incident with the Veritaserum in the pumpkin pasties. How could I forget?”
After that proclamation, Remus’ hands started to stroke through Sirius’ tangled hair, gently pulling out the tangles as he came to them. With the firelight reflecting off the pans in the kitchen, Sirius began to feel drowsy. He scooted even closer to his long-time friend, watching the kitchen fire crinkle as Sirius felt, for once, like he’d surfaced out of the cold lake attempting to pull him under.
It had started as a perfectly lovely autumn day at Hogwarts. The leaves had just started to turn outside on the grounds and it was so nice outside that Sirius was fairly sure he’d seen a gang of Bowtruckle running over the hedge outside the window while he tried his hardest to not pay attention in Transfiguration.
He was bored and a bored Sirius was a plotting Sirius. Glancing over at James, Sirius raised his eyebrows in what he hoped was a mischievous way. Contrary to their normal interactions, James smiled but slightly shook his head.
Sirius glanced down at the ripped off piece of folded parchment that James nudged his way - Can’t risk more detention, mate - Quidditch practice, ya know?
Sirius scowled at the piece of paper. Honestly, what was he supposed to do with this? Sure, he’d just finished serving the latest batch of detention after sneaking Veritaserum into the entire Slytherin table’s pumpkin pasties and causing one Rabastan Lestrange to loudly admit that he’s always found his maternal aunt “rather fit.” Professor McGonagall had been so peeved that she’d turned nearly Gryffindor red while giving him a telling off so spectacular that several Hufflepuffs had stopped on their way to class to watch.
Grumpy with his absolute lack of support, Sirius grumbled all the way back to the boys’ dormitory, flopping face first onto his four-poster bed with a grunt.
“Well, really now that’s just a bit dramatic,” he heard a soft voice call out from near the foot of his bed where Remus stood with an amused expression playing across his face.
“Budge up,” Remus said, when he received no response. He sat gingerly on the scarlet cover, pulling Sirius halfway on his lap after the other boy failed to move to free up additional space.
“You know you are a separate entity from James. And, I really shouldn’t be telling you this at the risk of losing my Prefect position, but” and Remus leaned forward to whisper in Sirius’ ear “you can make trouble all by yourself.”
Sirius felt his bad mood start to slip away with that proclamation, and felt it further fade into oblivion as long,thin fingers began to wave through his hair, separating the strands and twirling them in curling motions.
Settling further into Remus’ lap, Sirius glanced up “Why Moons, whoever thought you had it in you?”
Sirius gave Remus his best wolfish grin. Remus looked extremely unimpressed.
“Now I have been working on something,” Sirius continued, staring up into Remus' face “You know how I’ve been saying that my dreadful cousin Bellatrix is up to something. Well, you will never guess where I saw her coming back from this past Hogsmeade weekend…”
The morning after that night in the kitchen, Sirius woke up to find Remus gone. According to Molly, who he found humming along with a Celestina Warbeck song in the kitchen while scrubbing a suspicious number of pots ( Did he own this many pots?) , he’d been called away by Dumbledore in the middle of the night on strictly need-to-know Order business. Sirius figured that meant something to do with werewolves that he would never hear about and endeavored to move on with his morning.
After drinking a cup of tea in a misplaced attempt to warm himself up, Sirius spent the rest of the day trapping a particularly unlucky pack of rats in Regulus' old room using increasingly innovatie, if he did say so himself, hexes. Feeling rather chilly, as per usual, he donned a large, fluffy black fleece jacket that had appeared in the kitchen one evening a few weeks ago and Sirius had immediately claimed it as his own. After he’d reached what he considered to be a critical mass of rats, Sirius levitated the lot and headed downstairs to find a suitable bag to chuck the rats into before dragging them up to the attic as a special treat for Buckbeak.
Buoyed by his rat-catching success, Sirius skipped down the dusty staircase, eyes avoiding the more grotesque family portraits and the graying wallpaper as he hummed the tune of what he believed was a muggle rock song he’d once heard with Lily many years ago. Caught up trying to remember quite literally any of the words that accompanied the song, Sirius paid very little attention to his surroundings until he collided head on with someone walking up the stairs.
“Ouch” he heard a familiar voice mutter as he glanced up to finally notice a particularly shabby-looking Remus staring back at him and rubbing his elbow. The werewolf looked exhausted, dark circles seemed to completely rim his eyes, and his light ecru suit seemed to hang off his frame even more than usual today. He was also sporting a newly split lip and at least one of his usual scars was much redder than it had appeared last night in the roaring red light of the kitchen fireplace.
“Sorry there mate” Sirius called out, reaching down to rub Remus’ elbow mindlessly. “Didn’t see you there. Though, now that I have. What the hell happened to you? You look like you fought a particularly gnarly grindylow and lost”
Remus blinked up at Sirius who, unthinkingly, slid his arm off the other man’s elbow and up around his tense shoulders. Feeling the tension in his shoulder blades, Sirius instinctively began to rub small circles through the worn shoulder pads in the brown tweed jacket, intent on working out what appeared to be a knot the size of a Hungarian Horntail. Standing next to Remus like this, Sirius felt like a moth drawing near to a flame. Or like Icarus drawing close to the sun, Sirius thought ideally, continuing to rub through the coat’s thin fabric.
It wasn’t until Remus coughed a few minutes later, that Sirius was jolted back to reality. Reality in which he was rather awkwardly embracing his best friend in a small stairway in the middle of a random Tuesday ( Wednesday?) afternoon.
“Sorry” Sirius found himself apologizing again, as he took a firm step back from Remus. Or, at least, as he attempted to take a step back from Remus.While moving his sock covered feet back across the threadbare gray carpet runner, he lost his footing, flailed wildly, and nearly toppled down to the floor. Luckily, as he was pummeling towards the edge of the nearest step, Remus not caught him in a quick, and very tight hold.
After catching his breath, Sirius glanced at Remus to find him smiling softly back at him, eyes twinkling.
“Never apologize for a massage, Sirius. I think that’s precisely what I didn’t know I needed.” Remus nodded solemnly. “Unfortunately, I’m just here to pick up a few things before heading out again. I have to go… well, somewhere. But Mundungus was supposed to drop by with…”
Before Remus could describe exactly what Mundungus was supposed to drop by with, the door opening loudly below could be heard immediately followed by “FILTHY BLOOD TRAITORS. IN MY HOUSE NO LESS. HOW DARE YOU?”
Sirius sighed deeply, before running down the steps in a valiant attempt to once again shut his mother up from beyond the grave.
Sirius was thirteen and trying desperately not to cry as he made his way up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. He didn’t really have a destination, it was simply not wherever he was at the moment. He should have been prepared for this, but having Regulus sweep by him in the Potion’s hallway with his new Slytherin friends and proceed to completely ignore him had hurt. However, it hadn’t hurt as much as hearing the tail end of Regulus’ conversation- “oh, no, not my brother, just another filthy blood-traitor. We were never close, you know.”
Sirius had known this would happen. That Regulus would want nothing to do with him once he was at Hogwarts. It’s just, some stupid, optimistic part of him had held out hope, despite all evidence to the contrary, that maybe Regulus would be like him.
Sirius swiped at his eyes and running nose with the edge dress robes, trying to stop the tears spilling down his cheeks in vain. He was too old for this. He’d expected this, he chanted to himself, stumbling up thin metal step after thin metal step.
Sirius was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t realize there was anyone else in the stairwell until he came to an abrupt stop after colliding another body. He felt hands reach out to stabilize him and realized that he’d run head on into none other than Remus. Remus stood above him (NOT because he was that much taller than him, just because he was up a few steps, Sirius' brain supplied), and his eyes explored Sirius’ face quickly, taking stock. Sirius had every intention of letting Remus know it was no big deal, but, to his utmost horror, rather than conveying his lack of caring, he burst into heavy, uncontrollable tears. Several agonizing seconds ticked by, before Sirius felt warm arms surrounding him and Remus whispering into his hair.
“Don’t listen to him, Sirius” Remus whispered softly. “He’s been with your parents too long, they’ve gotten to him. You told us yourself Regulus just went along with it… He’s just trying to fit in. Sure he’s being an absolute knob about it, but I know he still loves you.” Remus kept whispering urgently into Sirius’ hair as the other boy continued to sob, clutching his friend tightly.
The Order meeting was well on its way. The turnout for today’s meeting was better than usual and Molly had been beside herself preparing enough food to host the guests that had descended upon Number 12’s kitchen.
“I just don’t think we are making any reasonably meaningful headway on gaining the goblin’s trust” Bill Weasley was exclaiming as he finished a very long report on the exact political climate in the Egyptian contingency of Gringotts. Though Sirius had attempted to listen, his mind had started to wonder as he began to feel increasingly claustrophobic. There were too many people here. He needed to get out..
He looked around the room, slightly frantically, somehow managing to catch Snape’s eye. Snape immediately pulled his lips back in a knowing sneer and glanced the other way. Well now I can’t just leave. Sirius thought grimly. Merlin knows he would just lord it over me in the next of these meetings.
To distract himself, Sirius stood up intent on finding another bowl to fill with whatever hearty stew Molly had made this evening, but found himself abruptly sitting down again as Dumbledore stood and began to discuss the Order’s planned infiltration of the Death Eater’s vampire supporters who were apparently camped out in a small village in Belgium as they spoke.
God, this is terrible. Sirius thought bleakly, taking a sip of water from his nearly empty cup to give himself something to do. I just wish I wasn’t so fucking useless, stuck here. I would be able to help the Order more if I actually were a dog… Sirius shivered, coming back to the present as he felt a warm touch on his thigh. Surprised, Sirius glanced to his right where Remus sat next to him, staring intently at Dumbledore who had launched into what was no doubt a rousing speech.
As if feeling his attention, Remus glanced over towards Sirius. A small smile grazed his features and he gave Sirius thigh a gentle squeeze. Instinctively Sirius reached down, hand covering Remus’ own. Sirius tried to tell himself he was surprised when Remus turned his hand over, weaving their fingers together with another squeeze. All Sirius felt was peace.
Sirius awoke with a jolt, feeling like he’d been run over by the Hogwarts Express. Every single bone in his body ached like it’d been stretched out and beaten. He imagines this is what it would feel like to be placed on one of the medieval torture devices he’d read about in the back of their Muggle Studies textbook.
“Blerg,” he opened his eyes expecting to see the familiar hangings on his four-poster bed, but instead was met with the green sheets and too bright sunlight of the hospital wing. Said sunlight gleamed through the tall cathedral glass windows, casting shapes on the top of the scratchy covers.
Next to the bed, sat Remus in a sturdy oak chair, head almost completely obscured behind The Standard Book of Spells Grade 6 . He had a quill in dangling from his right hand which he was currently tapping on the chair’s thin wooden arm in a somewhat rhythmic pattern.
“BLERG,” Sirius managed to force out, a little louder.
Remus’ hazel eyes peaked over the edge of his textbook. “Honestly, that thestral got you impressively good, Pads. The entire Care of Magical Creatures thought you were dead. You were knocked flat out. Marlene started to scream before the Professor managed to levitate you up here and Madame Pomfrey managed to shoo everyone else away.”
“But not you, eh?” Sirius attempted a grin that came out unfortunately more like a grimace. “Always knew our dear Poppy had a soft spot for you,Moons.”
Sirius attempted to end his sentence with a debonair smile, which must have looked even worse than he felt by the speed with which Remus dropped his book down on the bed cover and scooted his wooden chair closer to the bed.
“Sirius, I was honestly worried you were really injured. Despite your confidence otherwise, you really aren’t immortal, you know,” while talking Remus had grasped Sirius’ left hand tightly in, what Sirius felt was a rather dramatic hold given the circumstances.
“You’ve got to be more careful. Between this and the fullmoons. Sirius, I swear you’re going to get yourself really hurt one of these days” Remus leveled Sirius with a disapproving stare. Unfortunately for Remus, Sirius had been on the receiving end of some of the world’s most ambitious disappointing stares since he was a toddler and was able to soundly ignore Remus’. In lieu of responding, Sirius merely squeezed Remus hand, before twisting their fingers to interlock.
“Calm down, Remus. You know I’ll be fine, I’m always fine. ‘Sides now that I’m an invalid are you feeling bad enough to let me copy that Potions essay on Amortentia? Slughorn’s expecting it done in a few hours and I haven’t even started it yet…”Sirius trailed off hopefully.
Without dropping Sirius’ hand, Remus rolled his eyes so hard that even Sirius was impressed before leaning down to pull a thick roll of parchment out of his bag. He tossed the roll with a small thump on the utilitarian gray nightstand catty corner to the bed.
“Already wrote one for you - even switched the handwriting to yours. You’re welcome” Remus mumbled.
Despite feeling like he was the victim of a nasty splinching incident, Sirius broke into a wide grin at this. “Oh Moony, how I love you so.”
What am I doing? Sirius thought to himself as he knocked on the creaking brown door that led to the small guest bedroom Remus had long since claimed as his own. Sirius had apparently lost his mind somewhere between putting on a pair of threadbare black pajamas and padding downstairs, shivering, for a glass of something warm. Somewhere in the interim, he’d followed his feet right to his old friend’s doorway.
Turning to leave before he thoroughly embarrassed himself, Sirius heard a soft click. Glancing back around, he caught sight of a familiar pair of hazel eyes peaking at him through the now open doorway. Remus had obviously not been asleep yet, as he was holding a dog-eared copy of Magic in North America and the small white lamp beside the metal-framed bed was still on. The werewolf was wearing a comfy-looking pair of sleep pants printed with mini-hipogriffs and a shabby looking white t-shirt.
“Errrr, I…” Sirius started. But Remus just shot him a blinding smile and pulled him softly into the room before he could finish whatever half-formed thought had been fighting its way out.
“I was just heading to sleep, “ Remus murmured softly, shooting Sirius a glance as he turned down the edges of the patchwork quilt covering the narrow bed. “ You’re more than welcome to stay if… you’d like?” Remus seemed to hesitate before asking nervously, twirling the edges of the quilt through his hands. Sirius watched one of the brown-checkered squares disappear through Remus’ hold.
“Yeah, that’d be nice” Sirius somehow managed to get out as his feet led him to the other side of the bed.
This should feel weird, some part of Sirius echoed. He’d always been close to Remus, but he’d be lying to himself if this didn’t feel different than the other forms of closeness they’d shared over the years. I mean sure, he’d shared a bed with Remus before, over holidays and after nights of too much alcohol when he just couldn’t seem to set himself straight enough to make it to his own bed. But it had never simply been … because.
Sirius slipped into the other side of the bed, pulling the patchwork quilt up over his shivering arms and trying his best not to think. He felt himself jerk unexpectedly when the room fell into darkness as Remus clicked the light off. He turned restlessly, a sense of discomfort beginning to wash through him until he felt Remus’ warm hand softly fall on his shoulder.
“It was so cold there. All the time” Sirius found himself whispering into the muted darkness. Eyes fixed on the ceiling where he knew the once-white paint had started flaking off at the edges. “I could never get warm. Being there and with all the dementors…. You know, trapped in your own mind with only the misery and the chill of the air to make it seem like you’re even still on this planet . Everything just becomes so….frigid. It’s like there was…there is nothing I can do to shake it. Nothing at all. I mean, but this is nice. You’re really rather warm, you know? And this…..this helps.”
“Hmmmm, nice to know I’m a sufficient space-heater” Sirius heard mumbled from the other end of the bed, startling a laugh from him. “But in all seriousness, you have to know, I really don’t mind,” Remus continued. ”Whatever you need, really. Anything.”
Sirius laughed, starting to feel drowsy as he felt gentle hands begin to draw shapes lightly on his shoulder. “Well you really can’t say things in all seriousness, since you know, I’m the one that’s Sirius”
And with that Sirius felt himself drifting off to sleep, wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and feeling, oddly, completely safe.
This is a bad idea, Sirius told himself as he downed his seventh glass of Firewhiskey. Gryffindor had rather spectacularly beat Hufflepuff during the day’s Quidditch game and, in typical Gryffindor fashion, had decided to throw an absolutely enormous party to celebrate. Sirius and James had cajoled the house elves into bringing a truly unnecessary amount of sweets and Mary Macdonald had somehow managed to liberate an entire case of whiskey from her parents’ cottage over the winter holidays. A case of whiskey with which Sirius was making himself very well acquainted.
Sirius glanced over near the roaring fireplace to see Peter awkwardly stumbling through a conversation with a fifth year Ravenclaw whose name Sirius honestly couldn’t recall. Turning to the room’s large velvet couch, Sirius was pleased to see James sitting cozily next to Lily, they both appeared to be mid-laugh as they glanced bashfully in each other’s eyes.
Good for them, thought Sirius happily, scanning the rest of the room for the last of his brothers in arms who was apparently…. Not here?
Good lord, he better not be studying for that stupid Charms exam while there is a party afoot, Sirius thought as he climbed up the stairway to the boy’s dormitory - a feat much more difficult than it should be after several shots of whisky. Peeking his head through the doorway, Sirius was unsurprised when he spotted Remus lounging serenely on his bed, parchment in one hand, staring intently down at his second-hand copy of Quintessence: A Quest.
“Absolutely, most definitely, NOT, Mr.Lupin,” Sirius shrilly called, jumping over several pairs of loafers while making his way to Remus’ bed. Upon reaching the bed, Sirius threw himself down on the soft mattress, making sure to land on some of the notes scattered across the scarlet quilt.
“Sirius, off the notes.” Remus demanded firmly, pulling Sirius towards him by the shoulder, in an attempt to free what appeared to be an intricate diagram detailing how to properly cast the Reductor Curse. Sirius took advantage of his new position nuzzling into Remus thigh which was now located directly next to his head.
“I missed you. Why, pray tell, dear gentleman, are you not downstairs?” Sirius rambled, voice slightly muffled from where his face was crushed into the pockets of Remus’ pajama pants.
“Honestly, Sirius, I really needed to catch up on this. Besides, this is the most difficult Charms has ever been, you know? I really feel as though this year its gotten” Remus trailed off as he looked down at Sirius who had reached his arms around Remus’ torso to, apparently, better make use of Remus’ pajama clad thigh as a pillow. “Anyway, are you quite comfy? You’re welcome to stay and take a quick kip if you need to store your energy before consuming even more inadvisable amounts of Firewhiskey”
Sirius hummed, intending to do just that. It wasn’t until he felt light hitting his eyes the next morning that he realized his impromptu nap had never ended and he’d instead camped out in Remus’ bed. Sirius turned over to where the other boy slept besides him, intending to poke him awake and chastise him for letting him sleep through the festivities. But Remus looked so peaceful, with his brown hair spread out in every direction on his pillow that Sirius didn’t have it in him to disturb his rest. Instead, Sirius snuggled back under the covers and drifted back to sleep with a smile on his face.
“It’s just……’sNice” Sirius attempted to explain to Remus, waving his hands around the air to punctuate his sentiment. The two men were sitting in what was once considered the house’s formal drawing room, on one of the not-so- dearly-departed Mrs. Black’s favorite Victorian fainting couches. Much to Sirius’ delight, one of the Weasleys had started leaving garishly colored knitted blankets in various shades of red and pink around the room, combating the room’s strict black and green color scheme that had previously reminded Sirius a bit of a particularly stuffy funeral parlor.
Remus had dragged out his antique gramophone some time ago and placed it neatly on top of the room’s piano, from which it was now emitting a soft jazz melody. Sirius had lit up a number of candles he’d scavenged from Kretcher’s stronghold and was staring dreamily at them as he leaned into Remus’ side, tapping his feet lightly to the beat of the music.
Sirius giggled, he felt happy, content, warm. He felt like he was lying outside on the first day of summer by the Great Lake, no cares in the world, just a soaring feeling of rightness. The vintage bottle of Ogden’s Old Firewhiskey that they'd managed to pilfer from the back of the kitchen cupboard definitely helping the general mood.The two had already been sitting in the room for quite some time, having thoroughly discussed the most pressing Order gossip ( “There is no way that Harry is going to stay with this Ravenclaw, I tell you Remus - he’s going to marry Hermione. I can feel it in my BONES…Now Sirius, Harry is only…MY BONES, REMUS) as well as reminisced about at least three school-era pranks ( It was brilliant I tell you… It was a public health hazard ) before moving on to a discussion of one of the stranger books that Sirius had uncovered in his attic purge initiative ( Big Foot’s Last Stand truly is a work of literature, I tell you we need to start a book club. No, stop laughing Remus, you NEED to read it).
“How are you doing, Pads? I mean really?” Remus interrupted Sirius’ analysis of Big Foot’s escape through the Appalachian mountains which he’d honestly found unironically thrilling.
Sirius stopped talking and answered the question honestly “Actually, good. I told you. This, it really helps. I feel much better, warmer somehow.”
Sirius shrugged, leaning further into Remus’ side.
“Consider this a permanent offer then, to keep the cold away,” Remus whispered through a slightly crooked smile.
Sirius let out a small laugh, stretching out his arms languidly around the back of the horrid, black couch, “You’re making it sound like a marriage proposal.”
Glancing over at Remus, he watched him slowly down what in his opinion was a rather large gulp of Ogden’s Old Firewhiskey, and clear his throat. Remus seemed to steel himself before meeting Sirius’ eyes with a look of determination. When he next spoke, it was so soft, that Sirius almost couldn’t hear him over the music- “It most definitely could be”
Sirius blinked. And blinked. And blinked again for good measure. He felt a wave of static fill his head as he stared blankly at Remus, unsure how to process what he’d just been told.
Sensing Sirius’ confusion, Remus separated himself from the shorter man, stood abruptly and coughed awkwardly. “Well, I’ll just….” he started. Making an abortive gesture with his arms, he stopped talking, eyes leaving Sirius and feet shuffling.
With one last quick glance at Sirius’ awestruck face, he turned around with a jerking motion and fled through the doorway, presumably to take solace in the bedrooms above.
Whyever would he leave? Sirius thought slowly to himself several minutes later. That was until his brain caught up, and Sirius jumped abruptly to his feet, hurrying up the stairs after the taller man.
“They are so happy,” Sirius proclaimed loudly, standing near the rather sizable champagne table at Lily and James’ wedding. “I honestly don’t think they’ve ever been happier.”
Remus watched as Sirius smiled, eyes following as Lily and James twirled around the dance floor backlit by the small glowing lanterns that hung precisely around the brightly colored tent serving as the reception site. Lily’s dress seemed to sparkle as she flew across the floor giggling as James whispered in her ear.
Remus allowed himself a smile “I’m happy for them. They deserve this more than anyone.”
“Do you think we’ll ever find something like that, Moony?” Sirius asked mindlessly, picking up what Remus was fairly sure was his tenth glass of champagne that evening. Sirius held the liquid up towards the lanterns, glancing through it at Mrs. Potter who was wearing a rather aggressive, ruffled pink dress and attempting to start a conga line.
“Yes, Sirius” Remus intoned softly while staring at Sirius who was now focused intently on James’ aunt who was stuffing mini crab quiches in her rather large purple purse. “I’m absolutely positive.”
Remus paused, staring at his own half-empty glass of champagne as though it had offended him. He took a deep breath in, exhaling slowly. Eyes focused entirely on Sirius he started “You know I….”
Sirius glanced towards Remus, curiously. “Think we should dance,” Remus finished, cringing for some unknown reason.
Sirius broke into a wide grin, holding his hand out to Remus with a flourish. “Excellent idea, old chap. Let us join the festivities!”
Sirius giggled, grabbing Remus hand and twirling him towards the end of what was turning into a rather impressive conga line. Catching Remus’ eye he winked, warmth soaring through his heart.
Sirius, forever a man of impulse, hadn’t figured out anything by the time he found himself, once again, standing outside of Remus’ room. Curling his toes through the thin socks on both his feet, he stole himself for only a moment before reaching out to bang on the dark wooden door.
“Remus, “ he started “Come on, I am quite literally sure you’re in there”
The door creaked open to reveal Remus, looking more haggard than usual. He stood still in the doorway, arms crossed and white button up shirt uncharacteristically untucked and messy. He raised one thin brown eyebrow and stared rather aggressively at Sirius. Sirius stared back, mind blank.
Then, Sirius did what he did best, and acted completely on reckless impulse. He reached out, grabbed Remus’ bony shoulders and pulled the other man towards him and into what he later admitted to himself was a rather awkward kiss. Remus’ thin lips felt warm to Sirius and it took him a few minutes to remember how to kiss at all. In an attempt to make the kiss somewhat less stilted, Sirius reached up and lightly caressed the side of Remus’ jaw feeling stubble.
What started out soft and tentative, turned deeper, and any sense of awkwardness that had preceded the beginning of the kiss faded away. Sirius hummed softly, as he felt Remus’ hands fisting the back of his pajama shirt as he attempted to pull Sirius closer. Warmth radiated through Sirius as enthusiastically responded, aligning his body with Remus’.
Several minutes later, both men pulled back after Sirius stepped on what had to be the world’s loudest creakiest loose board. Remus had a muted, slightly dazed expression and was giving him a soft smile, the likes of which Sirius hadn’t seen since that night in fifth year when the other Marauders had revealed their Animagus forms to a stunned Remus. Sirius smiled back.
“So tell me,” Sirius started, not even sure himself where this question was going, “how long had this been, well, a thing?” He waved his hands around in a gesture, lightly tapping Remus who was still standing directly in front of him.
Remus gave him a long, measured look. “Since the beginning, Sirius.”
Suddenly, several things began to make much more sense to Sirius. Several more made much less sense to be fair, but Sirius was still counting this as a win. When Remus turned back into his room. Sirius followed doggedly behind him, shutting the door with a light click. He watched Remus turn down the quilt and determinedly not meet his eyes as he slid into the small bed. Just as he was about to turn away from Sirius, Sirius lumbered closer, grabbed his arm and pulled Remus to face him.
“Just so you know, I’m accepting that proposal” he smiled as he spoke. Remus' left eyebrow started to raise, he was looking into Sirius’ eyes with an unreadable expression. “The marriage one, if that wasn’t clear”
Remus laughed - full bodied and strong. Looking intently at Sirius, his eyes shifted from mirth to confusion. “You can’t be serious?”
Resisting the urge to finish the quip the way he always did, Sirius looked back at Remus, soft smiling playing on his face.
“Deadly,” he responded. “It took me long enough to get here, but I finally get it… I love you…too.”
He breathed out. That had been much harder than he thought.
Remus shot him a piercing glance. Sirius looked right back at him. Holding his eyes for what seemed like eternity, before he saw the werewolf’s lips start to quirk up in the beginnings of a smile. Unbidden, Sirius's own mouth began to form a smile. Remus hesitantly held out a hand which Sirius took, turning his palm over and interlocking their fingers.
Remus smiled pensively down at their joined hands, and chuckled. “Well, that certainly took long enough” he whispered, pulling Sirius gently towards the bed with him.
This time Sirius felt much less awkward as Remus flicked his wand, plunging the room into silvery darkness. All he felt was contentment and the distinct feeling of finally coming home.