Work Text:
Genma has made a mistake.
He realizes that now as the other man lays him out flat, his head spinning from a combination of the alcohol and the hit he just took, the dirty bar floor sticky and hard beneath his aching cheek. Why had he gotten into this mess, he asks himself as he pushes himself up with a wince, groaning when the other man kicks him back down, boot heavy on his back.
"Where do you think you're going?" he demands, pushing harder when Genma tries to get up again, and Genma groans at the pressure on his ribs. "What, you start a fight you can't finish and now you're trying to run?" Oh, man, he is way too drunk for this.
"Get off me," he mutters, swinging wildly at the other man's leg, a swift kick to the side subduing him once more. "Get off!"
"Hey!" Relief floods through him when a new voice joins the fray, and he takes a gasping breath when the foot lifts from his back. Raidou. "What are you doing?"
"He came at me," the guy tries defending himself, but Raidou's not hearing any of it, and suddenly he's on the floor by Genma, out cold.
"Come on," Raidou says, grabbing Genma's hand and pulling him to his feet, turning his head to examine the swelling of his cheek, already beginning to bruise. "Damn, he got you good. What happened?"
"Nothing," Genma mutters, half-heartedly swatting his hand away, stumbling into Raidou's side when he tries to take a step toward the exit. He grumbles a pathetic attempt at a protest when Raidou wraps an arm around him to keep him steady. "Stop, Rai, I'm fine."
"Fine?" Raidou scoffs, tightening his grip when Genma tries to push him away. "Please, Genma, you haven't been sober for a week, and I don't believe for a second this is the first fight you've gotten into in that time. You are not fine." Genma has no response - Raidou isn’t wrong. But he doesn't know how else to deal with everything that's happened.
The thing is, Genma's not an idiot. He's a shinobi - he knows that death isn't just normal, it's expected, but something about this one had hit him harder than any other loss he had ever experienced. Perhaps it was because he'd always been so careful to distance himself, never letting anyone get too close, but he was human, after all, and everybody craves connection... so he'd let someone in. And gods, what a mistake that had been.
In hindsight, coming to the bar tonight had probably been a mistake, too, but now all he wants is to stay here and keep drinking. Instead, he allows Raidou to lead him away, through the quiet streets to his apartment. Neither of them say another word for a long while, and Genma is oddly okay with it - there's not much to say, anyway, and definitely nothing that could make any of this any better.
"Rai..." Genma looks up at him, bathed in the soft glow of the streetlight, and he's never seen anything so beautiful... and so absolutely heartbreaking. "Rai, why are you here?"
"I'm here for you," he answers simply, glancing down at him. The small, sad smile on his face makes Genma want to cry. "You can push me away all you want, Gen, but I'm always going to be here for you." That hurts, in ways he can't even begin to put words to, and he draws closer to Raidou as they take the steps up to his apartment door, releasing him only to unlock the front door and push it open before pulling him close once more.
Genma can't remember the last time he had allowed himself this simple comfort, the warmth of Raidou pressed against his side - all he knows is that he has missed this, and he does not want it to end. So he clings to it, clings to Raidou as long as he can, until Raidou delivers him to his bed and pulls away. He feels empty, utterly hollow as he watches Raidou walk away, too drunk and too tired to give chase.
"Stay," he mumbles before he can stop himself, and Raidou pauses in the doorway, glancing over his shoulder at him once more. That smile is back, and despite the sight of Raidou turning and walking over to him, laying on the bed beside him, he feels something inside of him shatter. "Please... just stay." His voice breaks as he pulls Raidou in, burying his face in his chest and repeating that single word like it's the only one he knows. "Stay."
It's what he can't say that fills what little space remains between them, heavy on the tip of his tongue, catching in his throat. Not just tonight. Please, Raidou, please I'm begging you don't ever leave me again. But he can't say it - because all the reasons Genma wants Raidou to stay are all the reasons he knows he can't.
"I love you," he chokes out, fists clenching around the fabric of Raidou's shirt, and then he releases him, looking up to meet his eyes. His own burn with tears. He shouldn't have asked him to stay. "But you can't be here. You need to go."
"Genma-"
"I said go!" Genma is out of the bed in an instant, stumbling over his own feet as he backs away. This is too much, the sight of him sitting there on his bed, looking more hurt than he has ever seen him, and for a brief moment, he feels a twinge of regret - but he also knows he is right to do this, even if it is killing him.
"Not until you tell me why," Raidou says, standing and walking over to him, stopping when Genma takes another step back. "You don't get to tell me you love me and then shove me out the door without at least telling me why."
"Because you died!" Genma yells, and actually saying it out loud steals the breath right from his lungs. He doubles over with a harsh gasp, wrapping his arms around himself and clutching at his ribs hard enough to bruise. He has never wanted to die as much as he does in that moment, the agony of it sending him to his knees with a broken sob. "You're dead, Rai, and I... I can't. I can't do this. Please. Please."
Silence falls over the room, broken only by his sobbing, gasping breaths, the pain that had made its home in his chest tightening around his heart, slipping between the cracks in the fragile pieces of himself he'd been trying so hard to hold together and breaking them apart once more. This has wrecked him, in a way he had once sworn he would never let himself be wrecked, in a way he's still not entirely sure he'll survive - in a way he's not sure he even wants to survive.
"Genma..." Raidou kneels in front of him, and his arms wrapping around him feels so warm, so real, that he can't help but let himself sag forward against him, pressing his face to his chest once more. "I loved you, too, you know." His voice breaks, and he holds Genma closer. "I loved you, too."
"Don't." He knows it's not real, that his mind is creating this hallucination, telling him what he wants to hear - in life, Raidou had never wanted Genma the way Genma wanted him. Death didn't change that. "Please, Rai, just go."
Exhaustion settles deep into Genma's bones as Raidou releases him, and he can't bear to watch as he stands and leaves him. Again. For good. He expects it to hurt - to feel the anguish of losing the love of his life all over again, but instead, he just feels empty.
And he knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that with Raidou gone, that feeling will never go away.