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The sound of an empty pint glass clinking against a wooden table broke the awkward silence. Asuka picked her phone off the table, unlocked it and started swiping through notifications. It was still early in the evening on a weeknight. In another few hours or a weekend, this bar would be crowded, maybe even packed. For now though, it was mostly empty sans the bartender, a few other patrons chatting over dinner and Asuka’s former underclassmen Kumiko sitting across from her and looking down into the few remaining bubbles of her still mostly full and now mostly flat beer. Even though Kumiko was wearing her hair differently and dressed the part of a working adult, in Asuka’s eyes she didn’t seem to have matured much in the years since they had met.
After a few seconds of scrolling, Asuka put her phone back down with an exaggerated sigh which seemed to pull Kumiko’s attention away from the last few bubbles of her now entirely flat beer.
“It was nice catching up with you but I have some other plans this evening and should probably close out.”
Asuka started to stand up and reached for her bag hanging off the back of her chair.
“Being totally honest, when you asked me to get a drink after having not heard from you in so long, I got a little excited that there might be something you wanted to talk to me about.”
Kumiko saw something like pity in Asuka’s eyes as she hoisted her bag over her shoulder and chuckled. With a polite smile and a wave, Asuka started to turn toward the door, muttering just loud enough for Kumiko to make out what she was saying.
“How many years has it been since you graduated and you still found a way to come to me with high school band drama?”
In truth, there was something that Kumiko had wanted to talk about; something serious. She just didn’t know how to bring it up. She’d never been good at talking about herself and this was especially hard for her. Now, Asuka was leaving and she didn’t know who else she could talk to about this. There was only one thing left to do. Just as Asuka had fully turned her back, she heard Kumiko’s firm voice behind her betraying her earlier demure attitude,
“Wait!”
Asuka’s ear twitched at the sound. She didn’t know what she had expected to see when she turned back to the table but the sight of Kumiko chugging her beer while still dressed for her job as a concert band director certainly wasn’t it. This might finally be getting interesting afterall.
“Ohhoho, I didn’t realize you’d become such a big drinker.”
Kumiko placed her own empty glass on the table with a thud. She could already feel herself getting flush as the alcohol seemed to be rushing right to her head.
“I’m not. But there is something I want to talk to you about, and I don’t think it can wait.”
Asuka's eyes widened like a cat eyeing a mouse. In a blur, Asuka’s bag was hanging off the back of her chair. Asuka herself was firmly rooted back in her chair, chin resting in her hands and leaning forward expectantly. Could this be it? Could it finally be after all these years of waiting. The obvious anticipation only added pressure to Kumiko’s already wavering nerve. In truth, she knew that she should have expected this kind of reaction. Regardless, there was no going back now. She looked down at the table to avoid Asuka’s eager eyes and took a deep breath.
“Asuka sen…Asuka, I want to talk to you about…about…”
Asuka leaned in further
“Hmmmmmmmm”
Kumiko’s ponytail fluttered as her head snapped up and her eyes locked with Asuka’s across the table. Kumiko didn’t need a mirror to know that her face must be fully flush by now between the drinks and how embarrassed she was to say what she knew she needed to.
“I want to talk to you about love.”
Those words hung in the air as Asuka took a moment to process what was happening. It was at this exact moment that Asuka understood exactly how a dog must feel when they actually catch a car. She had been waiting for years for Kumiko to ask her this exact question but now that it was here, she didn’t quite know how to respond.
Without a word, Asuka stood back up and headed for the bar. Kumiko had just enough time to ponder the situation she had put herself in before Asuka returned with another two drinks. Still reeling from embarrassment, Kumiko could only give a shy laugh and gracefully accept.
“I thought you said you had other plans tonight.”
Like a bolt of lighting, Asuka was back in her chair and leaning forward with anticipation.
“Oh, this is much more important. So what is it that you want to talk about? Is it about that trombone boy? Someone else? What was his name again? Shu-Oh?”
Kumiko cutoff Asuka with a wave of her hand.
“No, that ended a while ago.”
After a sip and a shrug, she went on with a new nostalgic energy in her voice.
“He ended up dumping me but it’s ok. We’re still friends. He’s with someone else now and seems happy. You know, when he broke it off with me he said that he was never sure if I actually liked him like that. He never felt like I was actually attracted to him and that we were better off as friends.”
Asuka took a drink to hide her reaction.
“After thinking about it, I think he was right. All this time, I thought it was normal to feel that way about your boyfriend. That everyone felt that way but I guess I was wrong.”
After waiting a moment to be sure that Kumiko was finished talking, Asuka adjusted her glasses and contemplated what she should say. This conversation had ended up going in a much heavier direction than she had anticipated.
“I’m sorry to hear all that. I don’t know if I’d say it’s abnormal even if it’s uncommon to feel that way about someone. On the bright side it sounds like you’re both…huh?”
While she had been contemplating how to best console Kumiko, Kumiko had taken the opportunity to make quick work of her second beer of the night. The glass was nearly empty by the time she set it back down.
“I’ve been thinking. Do you remember that time you invited me over and we ended up walking over to the river? We were talking about mosquitos and you asked if I’d ever seen another woman and felt like I just wanted to take a bite out of her?”
Asuka nodded. Of course she remembered. Her exact wording that day had been slightly different but there was no point being pedantic right now.
“I didn’t know how to answer back then but I think I have. I thought everyone felt that way but I mentioned it to a friend the other day and she just looked at me like I was from another planet.”
Suddenly, Asuka found herself at an intersection between compassion, concern and desperately wanting to know what context had brought Kumiko to bring up that story with someone else. Still, her better judgment kept her from prying. There were more important matters to discuss. First and foremost there was one important question on Asuka’s mind even though she already knew what Kumiko’s answer would be. Cocking her head slightly to the side inquisitively, Asuka spoke.
“Sure I remember but is that the only reason you would call me of all people to talk to about this? I know I was your beloved senior but isn’t there someone else you could have talked to?”
Even though her face was still flush, Kumiko’s eyes were serious, sober and staring through Asuka as she finally asked the question Asuka already knew was coming. As she spoke Kumiko’s pace gradually quickened.
“I keep thinking about that day. Asuka, you let Kaori tie your shoes. She knew exactly what sweets to buy to get on your mom’s good side. She’s the one you said she looked sweet and she’s the girl you mentioned wanting to take a bite out of. You two have been sharing a one bedroom apartment since you graduated…”
Kumiko paused and took a deep breath
“You two aren’t just friends are you?”
As she waited for Asuka’s response, Kumiko’s nerves began to fray as she realized what she had just said. In fact, she was so focused on what she had just said that she didn’t realize she was still talking aloud.
“What did I just say?” I swear I’m never drinking again.”
Asuka started to reach across the table with a stern look on her face. Kumiko braced for a slap that she knew she probably deserved but it never came. Instead, Asuka welcomed her back to reality with a light tap on the nose. The surprise sent Kumiko back into her chair holding a hand over her nose. Looking across the table, she could see Asuka trying hard not to laugh.
“Took you long enough. I’m surprised it took you this long to figure out. I was starting to worry about you.”
As unexpected as Asuka’s reaction was, her next move was even more surprising. Kumiko could only look on in confusion as Asuka withdrew back to her seat and started tapping on her phone before putting it back down.
“Sorry, I just had to message Kaori that she owes me dinner.”
“Huh? What? Huh?”
“Oh, we made a bet that this is what you wanted to talk to me about and I won.”
All the pent up tension in Kumiko’s body left with a sigh. Was she really still so predictable?
“So…am I right then?”
Asuka raised her left hand to show off a ring. Kumiko had noticed Kaori and Asuka wearing matching rings when they visited the band after graduating but hadn’t thought much of it. How could she not think much of it? Was this really so obvious and she never noticed? Was she the only person that didn’t notice? The empty space left by her evacuated tension was quickly replaced by embarrassment at her own obliviousness.
“What do you think you’re right about? I want to hear you say it.”
“I think you like girls.”
“Good good. And??????”
“I think I like girls.”
Once again, Kumiko couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. She had worked so hard to get over the habit of blurting out whatever was on her mind. All it had taken was two beers to undo years of hard work. Asuka didn’t seem to mind though, if anything she looked like she was finally having fun. In fact, this seemed like the most fun Kumiko had ever seen Asuka having.
“So Kumiko, why did you pick this bar in particular to meet at?”
“I don’t know, I just passed by a few times and had wanted an excuse to stop in.”
“Are you serious?” Asuka laughed, whipping a tear away from her eye. “Is this what people mean when they talk about talent?”
“What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?”
“No no no. Not at all. It’s just that…this is a lesbian bar. Did you really not know that? That’s why I thought you might bring this up.”
The revelation caught Kumiko flat-footed. Looking around she finally realized there were only other women in the bar. Now that she thought about it, there had only ever been women in here every time she had passed by as well. While Kumiko tried to sort this new information, Asuka had already tapped out another message and set her phone back down.
“Sorry, that was Kaori again.”
“Do I even want to know what you’re talking about?”
“She just wanted to pass on her congratulations and told me not to say something rude like ‘I don’t know how to tell you this was the most obvious thing ever’”
“Isn’t that just the same thing as telling me ‘this was the most obvious thing ever’”
“Of course not. They’re totally different.”
“Suuuuuuuuuure”
Asuka leaned back in her chair and touched her finger to her chin for a moment to think.
“Now that I think about it, you might really be talented. A teacher that seems sweet and polite but is hiding a cynical and, honestly, kind of awful personality just beneath the surface would certainly be a catch.I know quite a few women who go for that type. It’s all about the gap.”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Kumiko sank into her chair not sure how to respond.
“Of course it is.” Asuka replied quickly and matter-of-factly as if there was no other way to interpret what she had said.
Desperate to change the subject, Kumiko said the first thing that came to her mind and immediately regretted it.
“Haha, yeah. It’s been awhile since someone said I had kind of an awful personality.”
“Honestly, it’s kind of endearing.”
“That’s funny. Reina said the same…”
For the first time that evening, Kumiko was the one finding herself cutoff by an overly excited Asuka.
“Speaking of! So, what was going on between you two if you don’t mind me asking. You two always seemed really close if you know what I mean and I’m not the only one who noticed back then.”
Kumiko made an X with her arms in response
“We were just good friends. That’s all”
“Ok ok ok, fine. She always seemed kind of harsh and overly serious. I’m surprised you got along as well as you did.”
“Is it that surprising? Sure she was serious, but she’s also…I don’t know….special. Seeing her work so hard makes me want to be a better version of herself. I don’t know if I’d be who I am now had I not met her. She’s smart, athletic and talented but also kind of goofy when you get to know her. She’s, I don’t know, special. She’s my special person.”
As she went on listing all of Reina’s good qualities, Kumiko seemed to drift off into her own little world shifting her gaze upward. Sensing weakness, Asuka waited for the right time to make her move.
“I remember she was really pretty too, right? She’s probably downright beautiful now.”
“Oh yeah, she’s gorgeous. This one time back in high school, we walked up a mountain together. It’s already ridiculous right? She decided to wear this flowing white dress. The sight of her in the moonlight was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I even thought I would be ok with dying right then and there. I kept thinking that this must be how doomed sailors felt when diving into the ocean to chase a mermaid. High school kids are so silly right?”
It took a minute before the reality of what she had just said struck Kumiko like a bolt of lightning.
“Oh, that isn’t how most people talk about their friends, is it?”
“Not even a little bit” Asuka pressed out before taking another sip before she couldn’t keep her laughter in anymore. Really, this was the most fun she’d had in ages.
“Not that it matters though. Reina said she was going to confess to Taki-sensei once she finished studying abroad. I shouldn’t get in the way of that.”
“I don’t know. Doesn’t that sound kind of convenient?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, having a high school crush on a teacher almost twice your age and swearing lifelong devotion to them. Just my two cents but that sounds kind of unserious. It would be a very convenient way to not have to seriously wrangle with your actual feelings though. From over here, it even looks like you’re using it as a way of boxing up your own feelings. Hypothetically speaking of course.”
“Huh? I guess I never thought about it like that”
Sure, Kumiko and Reina had been close for years. There had been rocky moments between them and, quite honestly, Reina had been kind of scary when they started high school together but those weren’t the things that came to mind when Kumiko thought back on their time together. It was the nights spent together playing music, falling asleep on each of the rides back from competitions, the feeling of their fingers intertwined, the unforgettable feeling of Reina’s finger tracing a line from Kumiko’s forehead to her top lip. Being around her just felt easy in a way that she hadn’t felt before or since.
Kumiko hadn’t let herself think about them as anything more than friends for the sake of Reina’s feelings for their band director but those two beers had gone to her head. Just this once, maybe she could allow herself to imagine it.
She thought about the small apartment Kaori and Asuka shared and how it might feel coming home to somewhere like that, kicking off her flats after a long day and…and…laying on the couch with Reina and falling asleep in her lap. Even though they hadn’t seen each other in person, Kumiko could still vividly remember the smell of Reina’s shampoo and the comforting feeling of Reina’s fingers combing through her hair as she nodded off.
“Hello! Are you still with us?” Asuka said, waving a hand in front of Kumiko’s face. Her phone once again back in the palm of her other hand.
Kumiko shook her head as she came back to reality “Oh, sorry. I was just spacing out for a second.”
“Don’t worry about it. I was just enjoying the view from over here.”
Kumiko gave out another nervous laugh “I guess that’s another compliment.”
“Of course. How could I do anything but compliment a cute girl in front of me. Look, It’s been fun and all but I really do have to run. It seems like you have some thinking to do and I’ll leave you to it. No matter what you decide to do, I’m rooting for you.”
With that, Asuka stood up for the final time that evening, grabbed her bag and was on her way with a hug and an invitation to do this again sometime.
Not long after leaving the bar, Asuka felt her phone vibrate in her bag. It was a new text from Kaori.
“Dinner is going to be cold if you don’t get home soon.”
“Don’t worry, I just left. I’ll be back soon.”
“See you soon then”
“I know I don’t say it as often as I should but I love you”
“Tell me in person when you get here then 😉
“Will do”
fin