Work Text:
It shouldn’t have been anything. It almost wasn’t anything, but then Natalie had to go and stick her nose into someone else’s business, despite knowing better.
It was at a party — of course it was at a party. If there was a particular reason behind this one apart from the ennui of being a teenager in the 90s in fucking Wiskayok, Natalie didn’t know it. Didn’t care, either, unless and until it became a problem.
She was hanging out with her usual crowd — Kevyn, a couple of his friends, a bonfire — there’s always a bonfire at these things — and whatever guys have decided they’re going to try their luck with Natalie that evening.
Tonight they were graced with the presence of a girl. She was from another school, and claimed her name was Yvette — though Natalie had severe doubts about that. Generally when this happened, it was because they were after one of the guys hanging out, and heaven help Natalie if it was one of the guys trying to score with her, because somehow that was always her fault.
Usually, Natalie could spot who a girl was after pretty quickly — call it a sixth sense of hers — but tonight… well, if Yvette was after someone, Natalie sure as hell couldn’t tell. It didn’t help that she seemed to want to spend most of her time talking to Natalie.
Which, whatever. It wasn’t as though Natalie was going to police how anyone spent their time.
Still, nothing could stop the one immutable law of every party — sooner or later, whatever went in, had to come out. Thankfully in this case, it just meant she needed to empty her bladder.
Generally speaking, she didn’t tend to spend too much time inside the houses at these kind of parties — people who lived in these kinds of post codes tended to view people like Natalie as an unfortunate side effect of holding a party, right up until they needed something from or of her, and Natalie liked to return the favour whenever she could.
So the plan was to dip in, not meet anyone’s eyes, locate the nearest unoccupied washroom as quickly as possible and get out again, preferably before anyone had the chance to look at her like she was some unsightly smear.
And that was what she would have done if she hadn’t almost tripped over a guy and a girl making out against a couch. The girl’s head lolled sideways, and Natalie realised two things. One, that the girl in question was Shauna Shipman. Two, from the slackness of her face, either Shauna was really into this, or not really into anything at all right at the moment.
Who knew? Certainly not Natalie.
This wasn’t her problem. No one had ever cared enough to check in on her at parties like this, not Shauna, not anyone else she knew. If they’d noticed at all, they’d presumably assumed that it was just Skanky Natalie being skanky.
This wasn’t her problem.
If it was anyone’s, it was Jackie’s. Where the fuck was she? Natalie looked around, but couldn’t spot her, couldn’t see anyone else who might have given a fuck. None of the other Yellowjackets even.
This was going to be nothing but trouble. The last thing she needed was Jackie getting on her ass about not leaving Shauna alone when she was having a good time. God knows she’d seen Jackie trying to shop Shauna around at parties before.
And yet…
And yet.
The thought of walking past, going on her way — actually going to the washroom she’d come in here to find — made her chest feel tight, burn like she’d been running suicides, and she knew what she was going to do even before she did it.
“Hey, asshole,” she said, grabbing the guy by his shoulder and shoving him sideways as hard as she could. “Why don’t you find someone a little more conscious?”
He barely rocked beneath her weight — not enough leverage or whatever — but apparently she managed to annoy him enough that he looked up with an irritated look on his face. She vaguely recognised him from around school, Mike or Matt or some other M-word she couldn’t quite place. “What?” he said. “Can’t you see I’m a little busy right now?”
“Hands off,” she said bluntly. “She’s coming with me.”
“No way. We’re having fun here.”
Shauna murmured something slurred and indistinct.
“See!” M-guy said, gesturing, as if that proved anything one way or another.
“Fuck you, dude,” Natalie said. “We’re both Yellowjackets, and I’m not leaving here without her.” It wasn’t like being on the same team meant anything, not really, but it was a better claim, a better excuse, than whatever this guy had. “And you know what they say about girls who play soccer?” she added with a feral grin in case he needed any more encouragement. “We’re really good at kicking balls. And right now? I have steel toe caps on.” She tapped the side of his leg for emphasis.
He had drunk enough himself that she could clearly read the war that anger was waging on caution. Thankfully, the latter won, and he clambered to his feet. “Bitch,” he spat. “Why don’t you mind your own business?”
Whatever.
She kept one eye on him as he backed away while tugging at Shauna’s arm. “Come on,” she said, doing her best to pull Shauna to her feet by main force. “I’m not leaving you here.”
.Shauna blinked up at her. “Natalie?”
“Yup,” Natalie said, smiling tightly. “In the flesh.”
Shauna got to her feet way more easily than Natalie had feared, barely needing Natalie’s hand at all. Maybe Natalie really had made a fuss over nothing. Once there, Shauna stared at Natalie like she was expecting something from her.
“Okay,” Natalie said. “I’m headed over in this direction.” She started picking her way through the house towards where she thought the washroom was, because her bladder?
Still killing her.
Natalie had never been one of those girls who went to the washroom in packs, didn’t have many girls who were willing to hang out with her outside of soccer, but Shauna decided to follow after her anyway.
“Why did you get me?” Shauna asked. “Does Jackie want me? Jackie asked you to come and get me, didn’t she?”
There were a whole host of complex emotions underlying Shauna’s words that Natalie’d probably need to look at her to fully decipher, and she really didn’t care that much. She could recognise tangled hope and anger at least — those two she was fully familiar with.
“No one sent me,” she said. “I just… I wasn’t sure if you were out of it or not, so sue me. Sorry if I spoiled your evening or whatever.”
Thankfully, finally, there was the washroom, and there wasn’t a queue outside it. Even better the door was unlocked and there wasn’t a protest when she pushed it open. She went inside and didn’t care if Shauna heard her sigh of relief or not.
Shauna, of fucking course, did not get the fucking memo, and pushed her way into the washroom before Natalie could close the door in her face.
She didn’t look angry when Natalie turned around to confront her, didn’t have a scowl on her face at all, more of a sloppy smile as she looked back at Natalie. “So you’re my knight in shining armour?”
“No,” Natalie said flatly, even as she couldn’t stop a pleased flutter in her stomach. Or maybe that was just her bladder screaming at her that it’d really like to be emptied right about now.
“Yes,” Shauna said just before she leaned forward and kissed her. Or maybe toppled forward and landed on Natalie lips first.
But still — what?
It’s not awful is Natalie’s first coherent thought. She’d automatically moved her hands to Shauna’s shoulders — more to steady her than anything else — and her breath stinks of Malibu and milk, but… not bad.
She’d certainly had worse kisses.
Then Shauna pulled away, looking embarrassed. “Sorry,” she said. “I should have asked first. I just…”
Natalie kissed her back, partly to shut her up, partly to even the score.
Maybe even partly to see if it was as not bad as she’d thought.
It was, not that it mattered.
“Go,” she said, drawing back and gently shoving Shauna in the direction of the door.
Shauna went and, by the time Natalie had finished emptying her bladder and washing her hands, she wasn’t outside the door anymore.
Natalie refused to go look for her. Shauna obviously hadn’t been as drunk as all that, and it had just been a weird moment anyway. She went back to the bonfire and Kevyn and Yvette and refused to think about Shauna for the rest of the night.
It was just a kiss. A kiss from another girl, no less, so definitely didn’t mean anything. Didn’t leave her lips tingling in any way — she wasn’t that much of a novice, wasn’t a novice at all. And she refused to let any half remembered dreams tell her otherwise.
She had always noticed Shauna when their paths intersected at school — had always noticed all of the Yellowjackets really. They might have not bene friends in the way that teen aspirational movies portrayed, but it was hard not to feel a connection to someone you had played with, sweated with, hurt yourself with. But all of sudden, it felt like Shauna was everywhere, like her presence was jabbing itself into Natalie’s brain whenever Natalie so much as glanced in her direction. It wasn’t bad, exactly, but, well…
If Shauna was having the same issue, she certainly wasn’t showing it. The opposite, in fact. Normally, she’d have occasionally at least nodded to Natalie when their paths crossed, but all of a sudden it was like Natalie was made of glass, like she wasn’t there at all.
Not the first time that had happened to Natalie, of course, but it wasn’t like anything had even happened. Not really.
Whatever. It had just been a weird moment. Those happened at parties all the time. And it wasn’t like she cared about what Shauna — or anyone else on the team — thought about her. It wasn’t like she didn’t have a good idea about what they thought already.
It only became an actual problem at practice, when Shauna decided to take the pretence that Natalie didn’t exist to the next level, including not passing to her when she was open. Even more unfortunately, it was noticed.
“Okay,” Jackie said, dragging them both aside after practice. “What’s going on with you two?”
Natalie rolled her eyes. “Nothing.” It was nothing. It definitely wouldn’t be anything as soon as Shauna got over herself.
“I didn’t see her!” Shauna objected. “So what?”
Jackie glowered at them. “Really? That’s all you’ve got to say for yourselves?”
“Okay, coach,” Natalie snarked.
Shauna shot her a filthy look, then turned pleading eyes towards Jackie. “It was a bad practice, Jax. It happens. Can’t we just write this off?”
Jackie harrumphed, clearly not happy with this explanation. Just when Natalie was about to leave anyway — team captain or no — she reluctantly softened. “Fine. But things better have improved by next time, or we’ll be talking again.”
Oh no. Whatever was she going to do? Make them affirm each other? Maybe hug it out? Braid each other’s hair, maybe?
But Shauna caught her eyes — really caught her eyes for the first time since the party — and gave her a pleading look of her own, and Natalie softened. A little.
“Aye aye, captain,” she said, with barely a trace of sarcasm.
Jackie looked between the two of them and nodded, seemingly satisfied.
After that, things went back to normal between them. Which isn’t to say that they were suddenly friends or anything — Shauna still reserved that for Jackie — but they’d nod at each other in the corridor, maybe even say each other’s name as they passed. Nothing massive, but not nothing either. And Shauna finally stopped avoiding looking at Natalie like the sight of her was poison.
All in all, Natalie was convinced that it was over, and did her best to forget that it’d ever happened. And she probably would have in time, if it hadn’t been for the next party they were both at, or at least the next party she went to that she spotted Shauna at.
It was actually a fairly shitty party, all things considered. The bonfire was barely worth the name, there was music playing that was almost epic in its shiftiness, the way the host had repeatedly made the rounds making sure that everyone knew that they had to be out of there by ten and Natalie was fairly sure the only reason she’d been invited was because the birthday boy was under the impression that she’d bring booze with her.
Which, firstly, he’d never bothered to tell her this. Secondly, if he had, she’d have told him to make with the cash. She didn’t exist to fund the parties of crappy kids whose name she barely knew living in houses whose living room was practically as large as the trailer she lived in.
Thankfully, between some beers that were floating around — whether raided from his parents’ fridge, some other plan b or people just bringing drinks with them, Natalie neither knew nor cared — and some weed she’d brought with her, she’d managed to work up a halfway decent buzz over the course of the evening.
Which was when her eyes caught on someone standing over by the house, staring out in the vague direction of the fire. It took her a moment to realise quite why that solitary silhouette in particular had caught her attention, but then…
Oh, right.
Shauna.
Natalie had absolutely learned her lesson about how interacting with — let alone caring about — Shauna Shipman was just asking for trouble. Which didn’t explain why she got to her feet, wandered over. Propped herself up against the wall close — but not too close — to Shauna. Watched her out of the corner of her eye, making sure not to be too interested, too invested.
“You seem like you’re enjoying yourself,” she observed as neutrally as she could.
Shauna was completely failing to fake nonchalance, just openly turning to watch Natalie with large, round eyes that glitter in the dim firelight. “How do you do this?”
Natalie blinked. “Do what?”
Shauna waved a hand around at everything. “Do this. Go to parties all the time without losing your mind.”
Natalie didn’t bother to ask the obvious question — why Shauna turned up if she wasn’t going to enjoy herself. The answer there was fairly clear. Jackie had a little lamb, and all that. Didn’t even think about giving an honest answer, just shrugged. “You find something to occupy yourself.” She smirked. “You seemed to be doing that all by yourself last time I saw you at one of these.”
Shauna flushed, and her eyes momentarily bobbed down, towards Natalie’s lips. “That wasn’t— I’m not—”
Natalie did her best not to flush herself. Definitely didn’t look back at Shauna’s lips in response. “I didn’t—” She hadn’t been thinking about that at all right then. She cleared her throat, willing calm. “I was talking about what I walked in on, with Matt or whoever.”
Shauna looked at her wide eyed, a little stunned. “Oh. Right. Of course not. And…” She gave Natalie a curious look. “Did you mean Dave? Isn’t he in your science class?”
Was he? And how would Shauna— Oh, right. Jackie was hard to miss, even for someone trying to pay as little attention as possible. As for ‘Dave’, Natalie honestly couldn’t say if he was there or not — had no idea where she’d gotten the impression his name began with an M for that matter — so she shrugged. “He looks like a Mark,” she said by way of defence. “So, anyway. What did you think? Was he worth it?”
Shauna’s lip curled in disgust, but then her stare locked onto Natalie’s face, intensified, her expression becoming a whole different thing. “I think the jury’s still out on that,” she said, her voice taking on a husky note, took a step closer.
Natalie froze, torn between fleeing back to the safety of the fire and… not. She ended up freezing in place, looking slightly down at Shauna from this distance, yet still somehow feeling like prey.
Shauna reached up, gently tugged her chin down with one hand. “May I?” she asked, her mouth so close that Natalie could feel her breath featherlike against her lips. So close together that Natalie could see Shauna tremble, not nearly as confident as she was trying to project.
She’d have laughed if any guy had tried this move on her. Laughed, and possibly kicked his shins for good measure. But somehow — somehow — Shauna’s trembling was echoed in Natalie’s stomach, a hunger she didn’t even know existed awakening within her, scorching her insides like fire, and she was the one to dip her mouth the remaining distance.
It wasn’t as good as the last time they’d done this — quick and sloppy, fuelled by alcohol and instinct and over almost before it had begun — it was so much better. Shauna kissed like she wanted to explore every inch of Natalie’s mouth, like she cared about trying to wring every whimper out of Natalie that she could. Like maybe she’d been thinking about those scant few moments in the washroom almost as much as Natalie had in the days and weeks between then and now.
Natalie retained just about enough awareness to drag Shauna off round a corner of the house, where hopefully no one could see them, before doing her best to return the favour, doing her best to make Shauna feel like she’d just made Natalie feel, the fires within only burning higher and higher with every whimper she managed to extract from her.
They made out for what seemed like hours, until Shauna whimpered something that sounded more like frustration than need, and pulled away. Natalie blindly followed after her, but was stopped by a hand to her chest.
“Sorry,” Shauna whispered. “I…” She turned her head towards the way they’d come, swore and practically sprinted off into the darkness as Natalie became aware of Jackie’s hunting call of, “Shauna? Where are you? We’re going!”
It was fine. Natalie knew this show, could recite the words from memory. She was only worth bothering with until she became inconvenient or until someone better came along. It wasn’t as though this was ever going to be anything different.
It was fine.
It was fine.
It was fine.
Natalie spent the weekend alternating between not thinking about what had happened at the party, and going over what was going to happen at school the next week. Nothing. At best nothing would happen, Shauna would just keep acting like she normally did and nothing would change. At worst… Well, maybe Jackie’d have to earn her pay as team captain. It wasn’t like she and Shauna shared many classes anyway. Those options were the scope of her world, the only possibilities that could actually exist, and she hacked ruthlessly at anything else — anything even remotely softer — that tried to bloom inside her.
There was no point — absolutely no point — in thinking, let alone hoping, for anything else.
Which was why she stopped dead in the corridor Monday morning when she saw Shauna standing next to her locker, accompanied by Jackie.
“Come on!” Jackie was whining, “I’ve still got to go and get some of my things for class.”
“Then go,” Shauna said. “I’m not stopping you.”
Jackie rolled her eyes. “Please. And miss the opportunity to see this mysterious someone you’re waiting for. Oh, oh! Is it the same mysterious guy you disappeared off with at the party? Come on, Shipman, spill.”
Shauna grimaced. “I told you again, there was no guy.”
“Please. You’d totally been kissed — a lot — when I found you.”
Shauna’s eyes finally found Natalie’s and for a second, it was like nothing else existed in the world. “Hi,” Shauna said, lifting a hand, and she almost sounded shy.
“Morning,” Natalie said, a smile spreading across her face she was fairly sure was goofy and way, way too revealing.
Reality — in the form of Jackie Taylor — interjected itself, spinning around with a puzzled expression on her face. “Natalie?” she said. “Are we waiting for Natalie, or is there someone more, you know, guy like? Oh, hi, Natalie,” she added belatedly. “No offence.”
Normally… well, normally didn’t seem to apply right now. It helped that Jackie barely existed to her right now.
Shauna was waiting for Natalie at her locker. Probably, unless there was some other reason. It was probably nothing.
But still.
Shauna was there, looking at her like she’d been looking forward to seeing her, like she was a pleasant surprise. It’d been years since anyone she’d kissed — or even more — had done that for her, had treated her like she was worth the effort.
“I did say there wasn’t a guy,” Shauna was saying, slightly irritatedly.
Jackie held up a finger in front of Shauna’s face. “Don’t think this is over. I will get to the bottom of this.”
Shauna stepped around her, so she could talk to Natalie more directly. “I thought I’d walk you to class. Uh, if you wouldn’t mind, I guess.”
The offer was childish. Sophomoric, even. If a guy had tried this, she might have laughed at him. Would definitely know what he was aiming for.
But with Shauna…
She didn’t know. Somehow it was different.
“I guess I wouldn’t mind,” she said, as studiedly casual as she could make it.
“Good!” Shauna said. “I mean, cool or whatever.”
God, Shauna’s game face sucked. Natalie kind of liked that about her.
They walked side by side down the corridor towards Natalie’s homeroom, Jackie wittering along beside them about how she and Shauna would be late if they weren’t careful and how they should turn off right now, but the only thing that Natalie could concentrate on right them was the way Shauna’s hand kept brushing against hers as they walked.
It wasn’t going to last. Natalie knew that — she knew that — but all the same, a tiny, stupid part of her that refused to learn better couldn’t help thinking…
Maybe.