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With eyes like malachite and hair like copper rust, Ellie is the spitting image of Mother Nature, beautiful and complex. She’s everything that Gabby loves about the world, with the cold calculation of a scheming crow and the warmth of a crackling fire. When she smiles, Gabby feels her heart light up, dry brush to her flame, and when she scowls and pushes harder against the tide of tribulation, Gabby understands why that’s so. She’s perfect.
He’s perfect. Jake had never seen such a man before; he’d never met someone like Tom, who doesn’t make his heart race but rather stops it with awe. His strength, from his stern voice to his chiseled hands to his impeccable leadership, all remind Jake of a statue— courageous like David, mysterious like Veiled Mary, and handsome like Adonis. He’s a masterpiece.
Dan looks up from his book as Jake and Gabby let out a long joint sigh. He furrows his brow as Jake tilts his head and leans further into his hand— while a wide smile passes over Gabby’s face, relaxed in a way he’d never seen on her.
“What are you two looking at?” He dog-ears the page and sets it down, before sliding off of his rock and crouching between them. In the distance he sees Ellie and Tom, seemingly making awkward small talk as they gut fish together. Ellie smirks at something and Gabby tenses up. Meanwhile, Tom peels a glove off and Jake’s eyes flicker down to watch him crack his knuckles with rapt attention. Dan blinks at him and narrows his eyes. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Hm? Me?” Jake jumps, face flushing red. “I— Yeah, I’m good, why?”
“Jake.”
Jake huffs through his nose and picks at his jeans, not looking Dan in the eyes. “Tom’s just, really cute when he’s focused on something. That’s all. And when he’s distracted. And when he’s doing anything. At all.”
“…He is?” Dan turns to Gabby. “What’s your excuse?”
Gabby holds her arms up. “Like the golden sunlight, Ellie is bright and perfect; like the storm, she’s rough and precise. She is my flower in the wintertime and my ice in the summer. She is balanced and smart and she was always nice to me no matter what others thought. She’s one-of-a-kind, and far more gorgeous than any man could be! Um, no offenses, you two.”
“Hey, everyone has their type,” Jake replies. “What about you Dan?”
“…What about me?” He repeats back, sitting on the ground between their boulders.
“I mean, Gabby and I have clearly found our summer crushes,” Jake says. “What about you? Anyone at camp piquing your interest?”
“Uh, not really.” Dan rubs his arm, backing away slightly. Was the sun always this hot? Did the grass always itch this much?
“I guess that’s fair,” Jake says, “I mean, Lill and Miriam are old, Nick’s annoying, Alec’s married, Ashley and Will have a thing already, and Grett’s Regina George on crack.” Gabby laughs at Jake and shoves him slightly, making him smile. Dan lets out a quiet breath of relief. “So, anyone back home?” The breath fizzles and dies in the air. “Girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, situationship, are you married?”
“Nope,” Dan says, too fast. “Nope. None of that.” Sweat runs down his neck and he crumples up slightly.
“Hey, no shame in that,” Jake says. “You’re still in college,” he continues, and Dan feels a pit sinking in his stomach, “So it’s basically a guarantee you’ll find someone as long as you go to like, one social outing. Or you could try a dating app maybe, I know they’re not the—“
“I’m not looking for a partner,” Dan blurts out. Jake and Gabby stare for a moment, quiet; he feels his skin crawl under their gaze.
“Oh, that’s fine, man,” Jake says. “Always good to focus on your studies—“
“No, you don’t—!” Dan pauses. He takes in a deep breath, and Jake and Gabby exchange a look.
“Is something wrong?” Gabby asks.
“Never mind,” Dan says. “It’s…stupid, sorry, I didn’t mean to…It’s not important.”
“If it’s important to you, it’s important to us,” Gabby replies. She slides off of her boulder and onto the ground next to him, crossing her legs and wiping dead grass off of her jeans. Jake joins them in the soil. Dan feels a lump in his throat. He opens his mouth to speak, but only air comes out. Gabby reaches out a hand and pats his back.
“If you want to tell us something, we won’t make fun of you. Scout’s honor,” Jake says. He scrambles to add, “Or you can not tell us. Whatever you want. Just, do whatever.”
Dan presses his lips together. He glances up at Tom and Ellie, then looks down at Jake and Gabby’s knees on either side of him. “I’m…I’ve never been attracted to anyone,” He admits. “I don’t want a relationship, ever. I don’t understand why everyone wants them, I’ve never gotten it.”
“…That’s it?” Jake says. Gabby glares at him, and he adds, “I mean, that’s perfectly fine, Dan. We’d never judge you for that.”
“Yeah, you don’t need a relationship to be a whole person.” Gabby hands him a dandelion, and he begins picking the tufts off.
“I’m sorry,” he says, “I’m happy that you guys are in love, I really am, I know it’s important to you and you just want me to be happy like you are. But it’s just frustrating, because I don’t understand why anyone would want that.” He flexes his fingers and rubs some fuzz between his fingers. “I’ve never felt the ‘jitters’ or ‘butterflies in your stomach’ or anything like that around someone. Everyone who I’ve ever admired, I’ve just wanted to be their friend. I don’t understand feeling something so strong and different that it’s a whole different type of love, if that makes sense; everyone I feel positive about is just a friend to me, or a family member, someone platonic.”
He hits the center of the dandelion and stares at it, spongy and dead. “I’ve tried to make myself feel that way forever because everyone else does, and I want to relate to them. But in the end I’ve never really wanted to date anyone. I don’t even understand why dating or romantic…standards are a thing. Like why you get a partner flowers for a birthday but not a friend, or why kissing is important at all, or why you’d marry someone period. In fact, sharing my whole life with someone else sounds miserable. I don’t know how everyone else seems to understand and want to be in a relationships when I’ve never cared. Or why sex is such a big deal, that’s another thing I don’t understand— first of all it sounds so weird and scary, and it’s also not even a big deal; like everything is about sex all the time and it’s just kinda another thing we do, like people are animals and they eat and drink water and walk on two legs and no one makes that their personality so I don’t know why some people—“
Jake and Gabby giggle and Dan flushes red, returning with his own awkward laugh. Jake’s the first one to respond.
“Yeah, I…Well, I can’t fully understand what you’re talking about,” he starts. “I do feel romantic and sexual attraction, so I know what it’s like and I enjoy it, and I couldn’t imagine life without it for me— But I guess if I tried to explain that to someone who doesn’t feel it, I probably couldn’t make sense of it.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with not being attracted to people either,” Gabby interjects. “It’s your life, and you should do or not do what makes you happy, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. If romantic relationships don’t make sense to you or don’t make you happy, then you should stick to making friends who do, instead of trying to force yourself to be something you’re not.”
“Yeah, friendships can be just as or more important than romantic relationships to some people. It’s totally normal, they’re not worth less or anything,” Jake says. “Sorry if we were making you uncomfortable by assuming you felt romantic attraction too. I guess I just assumed everyone’s like me in that regard, but that’s simply not true.”
“Yes, we’re sorry, Dan,” Gabby says.
“Thanks guys,” Dan replies. “And, hey, just because I might not relate to you doesn’t mean you can’t tell me about your love lives. I’m sorry if I was acting weird earlier.”
“You’re all fine man, nothing to apologize for,” Jake says. “And, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you go by? I mean, if you use labels, that is. Are you asexual, or, something else?”
“Yes, kinda. I’m aromantic and asexual, so aroace, and romance and sex-repulsed, if you get specific with those labels. Some aromantic and asexual people don’t feel attraction or feel limited attraction but still date or have sex, but I still don’t do either,” Dan explains.
“Huh. Cool.” Jake nods. “Well, thanks for telling us, man.”
“Yes, thank you for trusting us,” Gabby says. she holds out her arms and he opens his, and she practically tackles him in a hug. “Jake, you too!” Jake rolls his eyes, but tentatively wraps his arms around the both of them. Dan smiles, and while he doesn’t feel butterflies, the warmth in his chest is still love, and it’s something he wouldn’t trade for the world.