Chapter Text
When Remus parked the, ironically enough, wolf-themed U-haul outside an old ell-gabled house in the middle of Wisconsin, it was 12:42 am. He had spent the past two days hauling ass across state lines to get here from Colorado.
But now it was nearly 1 am and Remus had a truck filled with shit, a house and occupant he didn’t know, and a state of consciousness that was rapidly declining. He took a minute to lay his head on the steering wheel, one he had become quite familiar with, and groaned.
He was so tired. Tired of everything really. Driving, moving, himself, making decisions, all things that were never supposed to still be around this late at night. It was only more internal complaints that were interrupted by the sound of a screen door slamming.
Remus didn’t have to look to know it was his grandma. Certainly not out of familiarity, but rather because this new world felt empty of anything but this new monster he had to meet. To Remus it was like nothing else on this road existed except for him and the beast of a new life he was being crammed into and expected to flow with.
Remus took his time getting out of the U-haul, grabbing his bag, and dragging his feet as he walked around the hood as if this would prevent him from really making connections to this town. But alas, his grandma was there waiting for him.
She was shockingly short, unlike her son and grandson. It was a mystery whether that was because she was a woman or if it was because she was old enough to begin to shrink. Her hair was dark and graying, a contrast to Remus’ curly mouse brown hair, and her face was undeniably roundund, unlike Remus’ narrow one. All in all, Remus could be excused on his doubt of who she was.
“Lyall? Is that you hun?” And, Remus supposed, so could she. He knew they looked similar, especially with Remus as hunched over as he is, and with nothing illuminating him but the moon. But that didn’t make the mistake any less searing. It gave him pause, but in a moment Remus let himself step into the reaches of a lamp light and straightened his posture. “OH! My dear, is that you Remus?”
Remus suddenly realized he had no idea as to what he should be doing. His grandmother rushed down the steps of her porch and over to Remus, pulling his face into her wrinkled palms. “Uh- Hi- hello, Grandma Lupin.” He said, stumbling and ending it more like a question than anything.
”Oh please, it’s Nana Randi to you. Oh wow, you take so much after your dad. I could have sworn you were my son.” Her thumb brushed his big scar, the one that cuts deep and jaggedly across his nose and stops right under his eye, the one that so clearly separates him from his father, and Remus jerks. It’s automatic, and Remus was sure Nana Randi noticed.
She carefully pulled her hands back to herself. “It’s lovely to meet you Remus. I wish we could catch up now, but I think you need sleep more than anything. C’mon in.” She beckoned for him to follow her inside. Remus looked back at the truck one last time, as if it could save him, as if he had something to go back to, before he gave in and followed her.
The porch light was dim, and swarmed by moths, but shone off Nana Randi’s hair and reflected his own image onto the windows. He looked rough, slouched over as if he were a shrimp and hair mussed like he’d been in a fight. He felt almost worse. Definitely from his own posture, which he reluctantly fixed, but also from every little thing going wrong in his life, from missing his exit when he first got here and driving an extra few miles, to the whole situation that put him out here to begin with.
He felt some sort of weird calling to wallow then, and was only saved from falling into a deeper state of reflection by Nana Randi. “Remus, dear, come on in.”
The house Remus was led into was small. The room he entered into was the living room, and it felt crammed to the spilling point, but when he really took it in it was only filled with a singular recliner, couch, and TV on a low coffee table against the wall. The walls were a light yellow that could have been an attempt at a cheery atmosphere or the unfortunate effects of somebodies smoking habit.
The room appeared even more cluttered by the clashing florals on every surface. A motif that Remus would soon find carried on through the house. If it wasn’t flowers, it was roosters, and if not roosters it was wolves.
Nana Randi’s tour wasn’t complicated or even that long, but Remus still felt his head swimming with different rooms and the odd need to adapt. This was his home for the foreseeable future, and yet he felt like he was so clearly not made for it. He nearly hit his head on the light in the dining room, his white T-shirt felt to stark for all the pastels, and his scarred face felt to vicious for all the decorative mirrors on every wall.
Nana Randi didn’t seem to think the same though. She kept resting her strong wrinkled hand between his shoulder blades and guiding him to the next room of lace and blush pinks. Thank goodness for her guide though, the whole house was winding, clearly old and made for people much shorter. By the fifth door frame disrupting the curls on the top of his head, Remus was beginning to feel, rather ridiculously, that even the house itself wasn’t built for him.
“And that’s the house!” Nana Randi said with a smile and a little shimmy of her hands. They had reached the end of the upstairs hallway, stopping before the last door. “Besides of course, your room.” She smiled up at him, with a giddy kind of nervous joy. Then pushed open the door and motioned Remus in first.
The wallpaper was yellow with pink flowers, and the floor was still undone with a rug thrown over the splintering boards. It was clear this was the front of the house, as the ceiling sloped on the sides. There was a metal framed twin bed pushed up against the furthest wall. But that was all. It was completely empty.
“I know there’s not much, it used to be your fathers, but he insisted I get rid of everything he didn’t take, so…” She shrugged. “The wallpaper was me though.” She smiled again.
“I like the wallpaper best. Matches the uh… Matches everything else. In the house I mean.” He waved back at the door as if that clarified everything. God he was so tired.
But Nana Randi just smiled wider and patted his arm. “I’m so glad you like it. We’ll get you more furniture, I want you to help pick it out.” She looked at Remus, like he was supposed to have something to say to that. Instead he just nodded. She nodded back. “Okay, goodnight then dear, love you.”
And wasn’t that so horrible. How does one even respond to that. How do you tell your long lost grandma that you haven’t ever actually met that you don’t think you deserve her and that love from her feels so unbelievably unfathomable. How do you side step not loving someone back.
Lamely, all Remus could figure to say was “Goodnight.” As Nana Randi retreated to her room on the other end of the hall.
Remus was finally alone. He felt like throwing himself at the bed. But that didn’t seem right. It didn’t feel like his to throw himself on. Instead, he slowly sat on the edge, like there was someone he should wait for to give him approval. Eventually, he felt enough sense to realize no one was there to give him the go-ahead, so he let himself climb under the quilt and afghan blankets piled onto the bed. It was too much for a summer night, and it all smelled so foreign.
The window wasn’t open, but it was an old one, and so the draft that came through was enough for Remus to feel the outsides buggy humidity.
In summary, Remus was sweating, but also too committed to not disturbing his new surroundings to do anything about it. Remus felt light. Like his soul wasn’t a part of his body, like the world around him was miles away, like he was a ghost in this new world of blue shadows and white curtains. It was unsettling, but Remus felt too numb to acknowledge that fact. Except numb wasn’t the right way to describe it. It was more like an encompassing overwhelming feeling, that had pushed him to the point of feeling everything and so he felt nothing, like everything canceled each other out, and left him buzzing.
It wasn’t a calm feeling by any means, but somehow, in some miracle, Remus fell asleep quickly.
Remus has always hated wolves. For more reasons than is reasonable in any persons life honestly. It only made sense that they began to hunt him in his sleep. That was his own dramatic way of describing the nightmares. A never ending chase of predator and pray, both while waking and while sleeping.
The dream this night wasn’t any less odd than normal, but the wolf being gray certainly was new. He’d had black wolves, pure white wolves, reddish brown wolves, but never had the wolf chasing him been just…gray. Now that that was brought to his attention it seemed odd.
The wolf hadn’t chased him, it hadn’t attacked, it hadn’t so much as even growled at Remus. It was standing on a ledge above Remus, staring him down. Looming. The wolf and him had looked at each other for what felt like forever, the ground had changed some how, and he became face to face with the wolf. Her eyes, the wolves, were dark, a mystery as to what she was thinking, if she could think at all. Remus realized then he hadn’t blinked, and when he did, he was met with golden sunlight streaking across his face.
It was a remarkably simple dream. Even for Remus, who’s dreams so often included running, attacks, and general panic. His night terrors, usually prevented him from even making it through a whole night. He was a light sleeper on top of that. In their old home in Colorado they’d lived on a highway, it only took one overly amped stereo to wake Remus, and there were plenty of those on the road at night.
Remus would give Gryffindale this, sleep here was amazing.
Remus lay still for some time longer, getting his bearings, or really willing himself to be filled with the strength to go about for an entire day. Maybe he could feign some sort of sick… but then do what? Sit in this room cooped up and without a thing to do? Remus let out a groan, but decided it was time to start the day.
Nana Randi’s house was a loud thing. If he thought his bed creaked, the floorboards screamed, and the stairs… the stairs were something else.
None of this seemed to matter though, because when Remus made his way into the kitchen, Nana Randi still jumped when she saw him. “Oh!” She squeaked out before smiling. “Good morning dear, how’d you sleep?”
She was setting out two plates while the stove crackled with bacon grease and batter.
“You didn’t have to-“ He started to protest, but Nana Randi cut him off.
“Don’t be silly, it’s your first morning here! Unless you prefer cereal? I have a few, but probably nothing you’d find all that exciting. I’ve got Cheerios, Wheat th-“
”Thank you Nana Randi, I do like bacon.” Remus rushed to say. Gosh he meant to be polite, but he was also never very good at discerning what he was supposed to say. But Nana Randi didn’t seem all that bothered.
“Of course you do! Growing young men are all the same.” She said with a wistful sigh, and Remus used everything he had in him to pretend that she wasn’t comparing him to his father, even though it was so obvious she was. Instead he sat down where she had put the plate on a little round table. There were only four chairs at the table, one on what would have been each side had it been a square. It felt lonely sitting there alone. It felt even lonelier when he thought about repeating this same action all summer, alone at this table for the next two and a half months.
Remus did in fact keep his groan to himself, But Nana Randi seemed to notice the change in attitude anyway. “I’ve just got to get a plate for the bacon and everything will be ready. After, I was thinking you’d like to explore.” She put the bacon on a plate decorated with roses along the rim and set it in the center of the table, sitting herself down across from Remus. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you loose. You’re grown, But if you aren’t back by tomorrow morning I’ll worry.” She said this part a bit nervously, as if Remus could be mad at her for worrying.
“I’ll probably be back for lunch.” He said instead, putting some bacon and a pancake on his plate.
Nana Randi leaned back in her chair and smiled, the sunlight streaking across her face “You underestimate how big Gryffindale is Remus, takes me an hour to walk to the gas station on the corner.”
“That’s just becau- why do you walk to the gas station?” Remus said. He realized only after all the words were out that he had been about to call her old to her face. He stuffed his mouth with the pancake. Nana Randi chuckled to herself.
“I have friends in this town Remus. People I like to visit. And I’m not so old I can’t enjoy a walk.” She laughed and bit into the bacon.
“Sorry- I didn’t mean…to…” He started stumbling, and this is why Remus doesn’t like talking very much. He always goes and says the wrong thing and then stumbles all over himself to take back what he said.
But Nana Randi seemed full of surprises. She began to laugh. “Oh Remus! Honesty is a wonderful trait, I’m sure you’ll be popular for it.” She cut into her pancake, “I hope you didn’t leave too many friends behind in Colorado.” She says suddenly, catching Remus off guard enough that he almost choked on the bacon he was guzzling down. Almost.
“Oh, no. Not many.” He said, suddenly feeling as if the bacon tasted a little sour. He ate them all anyway.
Nana Randi looked at him, with the oddest look in her eye before she said, “Easier to start over that way then eh?” And she began to stand. “Hand over your plate dear.”
Remus quickly stood as well, “Oh no, I can do them.” He snatched up their plates and the bacon plate and headed to the sink.
“Remus, that’s very sweet but I do have dishwasher.” She smiled and waved her hand to the counter space next to the sink, and sure enough. He loaded the dishes from breakfast into the washer as quick as possible, Nana Randi seemed to be in a hurry to get him out and on the town.
Town was generous. Gryffindale’s biggest residential area, the neighborhood Nana Randi lived in was to parallel street filled with about three blocks worth of houses. They were surrounded by highways, thin woods, marsh, a golf course, and of course, farmland. Nana Randi lived on a street parallel to Main Street, the one connected to the highway, but he could see that road over the cemetery across the street.
This town had to be pretty bleak for the cemetery to be in the middle of it.
Remus crossed the street. Surely there had to be something poetic about starting his self made tour in the cemetery.
Even the cemetery was a bit lonely looking. It was surrounded by chin fencing and had one single massive willow in it. Remus was pretty sure it was as dead as the things in it soil. The headstones were in all sorts of states. Many were practically crumbling they were so covered in moss. He saw many Potter’s and Prewitt’s and Weasley’s. There a few clusters of newer stones with names like Pettigrew, who’s stones were still very cared for with flowers, Names like Bolt, Flint, and Longbottom stood out. Remus made his way to the tree, underneath it was a headstone almost completely surrounded in trunk.
Mr. Ulfred Lupin and Mrs. Ulfred Lovella Lupin
Around the stone there were a few more Lupin’s. A Mr. And Mrs., a Connor Lupin, and the one and only Weylyn Lupin. They were all still in decent condition. Weylyn’s still had some flowers. Remus was starting to notice a trend of not having a single clue what to do in these kind of situations. Emotional, ones, things that are supposed to have weight and routine, like visiting the grave of your Grandpa, no matter how dead he was by the time memories started sticking to Remus.
So he just stood there. Staring at the name like if he tried hard enough it would mean something to him. Something more than an omen they was this town signaling the death of Lupins across time.
That was dramatic again. Remus groaned again and pulled his hand over his face.
When he turned back around Remus found that he was no longer alone. There was a young woman standing in the entrance opposite the one Remus used. Her hair was a flaming bright red, she was much shorter than Remus, but probably average among women, and on the plumper side. She was very pretty, but also seemingly shocked to find Remus there.
“Oh!” She squealed more than said. “Uhm, sorry! I didn’t mean to- I’m sorry for your loss?”
“Don’t be.” Remus muttered, embarrassed and reluctant to explain that no, he was just being dramatic and staring at a barely important grave.
“Ah…Congratulations?” She said then. Remus head snapped up and she must’ve decided that was not the right choice as her face was in the middle of cringing. “No, sorry, I- I don’t know what I’m saying.”
You could tell Remus he was looking at a different version of himself and he would believe you. It was odd to see someone stumble over their words so much like he so often did. It was especially odd when Remus found one of his own biggest insecurities quite endearing on her. So Remus laughed.
The woman seemed to get even more embarrassed by Remus’ laugh as her entire face flushed. Remus reeled himself in, and said “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. Not used to finding mourners here?”
“Mourners? All the time. Strangers? Never.” She said before walking over to him. There was a bench beside the tree and she took a seat before continuing. “I’m Lily Evans, nice to meet you.”
Now that she was close Remus could see her warm smile better as well as a splattering of freckles. Most noticeably were her eyes. They were such a vibrant green that they could be glowing. “‘M Remus…uh, Lupin.”
It was an odd thing to realize you’ve never had to introduce yourself with your full name before. In Colorado Remus was either just Lyall’s kid, or really, the only Remus. He’s never had to clarify before. But he was glad he did, because once he’d said it, Lily’s eyes widened so largely and so quickly, that Remus thought for a moment that they’d pop out of her head.
“No way, Nana Lupin?”
“Are…there any other Lupin’s here?” Remus asked, and Lily glanced at the graves Remus had been looking at. Then she smiled a little sheepishly.
”Guess not. That’s wild, I would have never guessed.” She muttered. Remus didn’t have a reply to that.
“Are you visiting then?” Lily’s eyes widened again, “Is she like, okay?”
Remus nodded frantically “Yeah she’s fine don’t worry. I’m just living with her for the summer.”
Lily’s head whipped to him “Really?” She stood up then and faced Remus. “R- uh”
“Remus.”
”Remus are you actually going to be a Gryffindale citizen for the next season?”
”Is that not what I just said?”
“Oh my goodness! Remus, this is so exciting! We haven’t had newcomers in ages! I’m sure you can understand how boring that is. Have you been given a tour yet? Remus oh my gosh!” Lily’s energy was overwhelming, but at the same time infectious. He felt himself smiling at being the reason for excitement as large as hers. ”I’ll give you the grand tour. We’ll need a car though, hmmm…” Lily looked up and down the block, “I think Mary is working right now, Peter’s closest then.”
She nodded and started walking, after a moment she looked back at Remus “C’mon!”
Remus looked back at Nana Randi’s house, then to Lily before sighing. Fuck it.