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Buck should’ve seen it coming. He didn’t know how he didn’t. His head had been in the car. His eyes had been scanning the victims, cataloging any life threatening injuries, and prioritizing who would need to be moved first. He’d been breathing the same air as them, smiling at them, telling them everything was going to be okay.
And then it wasn’t.
He should’ve seen it coming but he didn’t.
Then he was breathless.
It wasn’t often they arrived on scene before police. Protocol dictated that the nearest squad car was sent to a scene to assess the level of response needed, provide support until EMS could arrive, and most importantly, make sure the threat was cleared.
But those were usually for accidents that didn’t happen nearly right in front of them.
Buck wished he could say it was the first time they’d dealt with gawkers who kept their eyes off the road too long but it happened more often than you would think. People would crane their necks and stare, trying to get a glimpse of victims or wreckage or anything to feed their curiousity. The worst would be when they took pictures which felt like the cruelest of violations. Buck could remember being in the back of the ambulance after he crashed his bike, his hands shaking as the claustrophobic neck brace kept his head up.
“Just a precaution.” The paramedic had said when Buck’s lip had trembled and he’d just been about to beg them to call his sister.
There’d been people taking pictures then too. Down the sidewalk on old iPhone that’s would only give them grainy pictures that would’ve been uploaded to social media in a flash these days.
But it happened. It was part of the job. Curiosity was hard to fight. Buck would know. But it always inevitably ended up with the gawker realizing they were about to hit a mail box, or a person, or even another car and over correct. The blaring of horns and shouts would cut across the scene and make them all glance over for one brief moment to check for danger before they went back to what they were doing. Usually.
Sometimes, they didn’t realize until it was too late.
The short whistle of the brakes slamming to a stop came too quickly before the unmistakable crunch of bumpers met.
Buck jerked at the sound, craning his head around to see the damage and winced. An older sedan with two men in the front had collided with the bumper of a parked car. Judging from the angle of their car, Buck had to guess they hadn’t realized the car had been drifting in the direction they were looking until it was too late.
He didn’t even know what they’d been trying to see. Their victims had been loaded away into ambulances already with their cars towed and statements taken by police. All that had been left was loading up the truck and hitting the road to get to Bobby’s baked macaroni waiting for them at the station.
It didn’t look too bad. Just a fender bender that should’ve done more damage to the cars than the people. Bobby radioed into dispatch to send another unit but the driver and the passenger didn’t get out of the car.
They didn’t move.
Someone groaned behind him as they took in the scene.
“Someone get my bag.” Chimney called and Buck hopped to a run before Bobby even had to ask.
“On it, Cap.”
The sooner they could assess and deal with any injuries the sooner they could go back to the station.
It hadn’t been a particularly hard day but it’d been a long one for sure. One that had an itch skittering beneath Buck’s skin and his hands grasping onto something he couldn’t quite reach. Not yet, at least.
Buck loved his job. He loved every minute of his job even when those minutes were weighed with heartbreak and sorrow. But those minutes of his shift had been dragging into eons that for the first time in his life, he wished would go faster.
“LAFD!” Buck called as he got closer to the car. “Everyone alright?”
The passenger turned to him stiffly and lifted an aborted hand up to his throat. “Help… please.”
Buck braced his hand on the top of the car and peered inside. “Everything’s going to be okay. Anything hurt?”
“My neck,” the passenger said.
“Okay. Don’t try and move.” Buck grabbed his radio and glanced over his shoulder to Chimney. “Chim, I’ve got one with neck pain. No signs of airbags being deployed.”
“Copy.”
Buck turned back to the passenger and looked for any signs of blood or head injury. “My friend is going to come over and check on you. Did you hit your head?”
“No,” the man said, his words short and clipped like he was biting them through his teeth. Probably whiplash or maybe a strained muscle.
Buck dipped his head in through the window and checked in with the driver. The scent of the car was stale and musty beneath the afternoon sunlight like the AC had been turned off for a while. The heat of the engine still running was a present beast along Buck’s side that made sweat gather in the small of his back. But the car was clean with no signs of drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t really his job to worry about that anyway but they always did a quick scan to see what they were working with.
From the looks of it, it was just two guys who hadn’t been paying attention.
“Hey,” Buck said to the driver. “Mind doing me a favor and turning off the engine for me?”
The driver didn’t move, his eyes firmly fixed on the road and his hand latched onto the steering wheel.
Unease curdled in Buck’s gut.
Hit and runs weren’t uncommon, unfortunately, but if his friend really was hurt, he could do more damage racing away before Chimney could take a look at him. Or worse, speed to get as far away from the accident as possible and cause another one just because he wanted to avoid a ticket.
“You alright, man?”
“I think I hurt my side,” the driver said, his voice devoid of any pain or emotion.
Phantom cobwebs prickled at the back of Buck’s skull then crawled down the back of his neck, making his hair stand up.
“He said the seatbelt made something snap,” the passenger said, pointing at where the strap was still firmly fixed across the man’s torso.
Buck leaned in a little further. Not far. Just enough to get his head in for a better look.
That had been his mistake.
Buck barely felt the faint wisp of the plastic brushing over his hair before it was coiled tight around his throat.
It happened in a flash.
One minute he could breathe and the next he couldn’t.
Buck choked as the pressure around his throat went taut and fingers fisted into his turnout coat.
“Drive!” The passenger shouted, his voice a shrill ring in Buck’s ear.
The car rumbled to life beneath his stomach as the driver slammed down on the gas and Buck’s feet lifted off the ground as the pressure around his throat cinched impossibly tight .
“Buck!”
Panic took over like a toxin in his bloodstream. Buck scrambled up for whatever was around his throat, wheezing as his windpipe convulsed with his need to breathe. The car pulled away as Buck’s boots scraped pavement and he flailed at the momentum dragging him away, half out of the window.
“Get him in!” The driver snapped, his own hand fisted against the collar of Buck’s turnout.
But then strong arms wrapped around Buck’s waist and pulled him in the other direction. The muscles in Buck’s neck seized all the way down his spine as Buck cried out, the smallest thin sound that could escape his lips.
“Get him in!”
“I’m trying!” Another tug pulled Buck further in but the weight behind him didn’t let up. Legs tangled with his own and Buck didn’t know which direction to fall.
“Fuck!”
Buck batted blindly at the hands trying to drag him inside. Black spots danced across his vision but adrenaline was burning like battery acid at the back of his throat. He couldn’t breathe! He couldn’t move! He couldn’t—
“Just leave him! We’ll figure something else out!” Someone shouted and the fist holding onto him shoved him hard.
The pressure around Buck’s throat tightened beyond the point of forgiveness. An ugly, guttural noise fell from Buck with a volley of spit and desperation. White took over the black spots dashing across his eyes and with the pressure came pain. Digging, unyielding pain that took away any whisper of sense in his head and left Buck burning.
Buck went flying and the heat of the car was a scalding trail across his senses as it sped away. His impact was softened by a body beneath him, air whooshing from Chimney’s mouth as he took the brunt of the fall. They rolled across pavement and concrete before skidding to a stop.
“Buck!” Chimney gasped but Buck couldn’t see him. He couldn’t hear him over the roaring in his ears as he clawed at this throat.
The pressure was still there! It was too tight around his throat! Numb fingers couldn’t latch onto the thin ring of plastic cutting into his skin and his mind was too starved of oxygen to make sense of what he was feeling. He couldn’t breathe! He couldn’t breathe!
Boots thundered across the ground. “Buck! Chim! You guys alright?”
Sirens wailed in a whoosh of hot air as one squad car and then another raced down the road past them.
“Give me my kit!” Strong hands grabbed onto Buck and rolled him onto his back but Buck was beyond sense. Instinct drove through his bloodstream and had him blind to recognition.
He kicked up and writhed on the ground as he dug his own fingernails into his noose.
“What the hell is that?”
“Hold him!”
Buck thrashed like a wild animal as silent screams fell from his lips. But too many hands held him down as a touch he could recognize anywhere cupped his jaw and held him still. Firm fingers tipped up his jaw and exposed his throat as a weight settled on his chest.
“Hold on, Buck. Just hold on!” Cold steel points pressed into his skin and his eyes rolled in his head as everything started to turn gray. He’d passed out enough times to know what that meant. The stomach turning tipping of the world was next and then Buck—
The pressure released with a sharp snip of the medical shears and Buck gasped as oxygen flooded his system. Air rushed past his lips in a torrent down his throat and it burned.
Buck gagged and his stomach flipped as bile rushed up his esophagus. He retched and gasped and wheezed and croaked and everything was too bright! The pressure was gone but his throat was swelling from the inside. He could feel the walls every time he swallowed whispers of air and he couldn’t breathe again! He couldn’t breathe because everything was closing in!
“Get me some oxygen!”
More sirens and the skid of tires filled Buck’s ears as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe.
“What happened?” Athena. That was Athena. He could hear her voice over the pulsing in his ears.
“We had some gawkers get into a fender bender. But when Buck went to check on them, they drove off and tried to pull him inside!” Hen was there too and the plastic mask was slipped over Buck’s face as the soft hiss of oxygen caressed his lips and nose.
“Inside?”
“Yeah!” That was Chimney. Bright spots were flashing across the darkness behind Buck’s eyelids “With this. Had it wrapped around his throat.”
“Is that a zip tie?”
The whisper of the brush through his hair. The cinching of the noose around his throat. The yank as he was dragged into the car by his throat.
“I grabbed him before they could pull him in,” Chimney said as gentle fingers probed his throat.
“Chim, you’re bleeding.”
Buck’s eyes snapped open at that and he found Chimney staring down at him, his mouth drawn into a serious frown. Bleeding. Hen had said he was bleeding.
Buck tried to make sense of where everything was in relation to his own existence but the world was still fuzzy around the edges and he couldn’t see. But then he saw the scuffs along Chimney’s bare arms and the scrap along his cheek.
“We didn’t exactly have a graceful landing. I’m fine.” Chimney brushed off even as guilt sank into Buck’s stomach like a heavy rock. “We’ve got a possible constricted windpipe but otherwise it’s clear. We don’t know what kind of damage they did pulling him like that. Let’s get a neck brace on him.”
No! No, he didn’t want that! He—
That touch. The one he would know anywhere. Gentle hands that immobilized Buck’s head as hard, suffocating plastic was slipped beneath his neck.
“Careful of the swelling. We don’t want to add anymore pressure to his windpipe,” Hen said as she secured the brace.
The panic from before reignited in his veins and he lurched up to yank the plastic away. The skin of his throat was like an exposed nerve, sensitive and raw, and he wanted it off! He wanted it off! Get it—
“You’re okay,” Eddie said from behind him, those same gentle hands settling around his wrists to keep his hands down. “It’s okay. We just need to make sure there wasn’t any damage from those idiots playing tug of war with your neck.”
The sharp electric static building up beneath his skin as he held onto something solid fizzled away. Buck blinked as he stared up at Eddie and tried to make sense of the present.
He’d been on a call. Now he was in a neck brace. It was all happening too fast and Buck couldn’t keep up.
But Eddie was there.
Buck exhaled the breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding and the action made his throat spasm but it didn’t matter. He could breathe.
He could breathe.
Buck grimaced at his own reflection and the shadowed bruises that were blooming along his skin. They crawled up above his Adam’s apple and seeped into the space below his jaw where the red welts were still raised and ugly. Every swallow felt like the insides of his throat was lined with gravel. It was worse than smoke inhalation. It was a constant pressure he couldn’t escape.
But there hadn’t been any damage to his spinal cord. That had been a tight concern from everyone as Buck had been wheeled into the ER with a c-collar wrapped around his throat that had been swelling up like a balloon.
No spinal damage. No herniated discs. No tears in the tendons or muscles protecting all the delicate little bones that had the power to change his life for good.
Just bruising welts and sore muscles that earned him a prescription to some muscle relaxers and medical orders for light duty until the swelling went down.
He sighed— instantly flinching at the burn that spliced through him— and put down his phone on the table next to the empty cup of ice chips he’d finished a while ago.
That had been another gift that Buck was feeling less grateful for: soft food and a liquid diet waiting for him for the next few days with only ice chips and applesauce to tide him over in the meantime. The nurse had promised him she’d see what she could do about a popsicle but that had been ages and Buck had been left with a needle in the back of his hand and a still too full IV bag hanging beside his bed.
It could’ve been worse. Buck kept trying to tell himself that it could’ve been so much worse. The ambulance ride to the hospital feeling the pain in his throat seep into an even more persistent pain in his neck had scared him more than he was willing to admit.
Hen must have seen it on his face because once she’d been sure that his O2 levels weren’t going to plummet, she’d held his hand all the way into the ambulance bay outside the hospital.
It’d been nice and he’d held onto her hand like the lifeline it was, but it hadn’t been enough. It hadn’t been the thing that would curb the way his heart was threatening to break out of his chest or soothe the pressure building up behind his eyes as his fear mounted.
But he was fine. He was okay. Sore but okay.
Buck just didn’t know why.
He croaked his way through his statement, trying and failing not to feel like an idiot as he gave Athena almost nothing to go off of. Flashes of his memory crashed into one another in his brain. One had dark hair that covered his ears and hung over his eyes. No, he couldn’t remember if it was the passenger or the driver. He thought it was the passenger’s but panic had niggled its way into doubt and Buck couldn’t focus. He hadn’t been looking. He’d just been trying to see if everyone was okay. Not what their eye color was or their names or the license plate of the vehicle or if he remembered seeing the vehicle before they staged an accident.
Buck swallowed again and even though it hurt and stared down at his feet dangling over the side of the bed.
The rings on the curtain jingled as it was drawn open and Buck looked up, hoping someone with answers would be there. Or at least some more goddamn ice chips.
What he saw was even better.
Eddie had left his turnout in the truck, leaving him with his suspenders visible and his LAFD t-shirt exposing the sunkissed skin of his arms.
Eddie lifted his brow as he held up the popsicle.
“Robbed the nurses station for this. Don’t tell them,” Eddie said, his voice steady and unbothered as he closed the curtain behind him.
The moment they were blocked from view though, the act dropped, and his face fell.
“Baby…” Buck breathed and that ache, the one that had settled deep in his bones the moment Eddie’s hand had slipped from his so they could pretend like they hadn’t driven in together because Buck had slept over, eased away.
Eddie crossed the distance between them in three strides. Buck widened his legs, letting Eddie slip between them, and melted against him as Eddie’s arms wrapped around him.
“God!” Eddie let out with a messy exhale as he dropped his face into Buck’s curls. Buck tangled his fingers with the fabric of his shirt at the small of back and buried his face into Eddie’s sternum. A kiss was pressed hard against the crown of his head and Buck closed his eyes as he inhaled Eddie’s scent.
“I’m sorry,” Buck muttered and Eddie squeezed him tighter.
“Knock it off,” Eddie said, stroking his thumb along the nape of Buck’s neck.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He hadn’t. Truly. But he hadn’t been paying attention.
Eddie didn’t say anything for a moment but Buck could picture his face. The dimpling of his cheek as he bit down on the inside with his teeth. The frown tugging down the corner of his lips. The way his eyes would be even more irresistably brown in their swimming of emotion. It tugged on something in Buck’s chest and made him want to burrow under Eddie’s skin just to hold onto his heart to keep it from shattering.
“I looked over and I just… I saw your legs.” Eddie’s voice cracked and it splintered a fissure right through Buck’s chest. “I didn’t know if you’d been hit or- or something but…. My chest felt like it caved in.”
Eddie pressed his face into Buck’s hair, breathing him in, and reassuring himself that Buck was okay.
And he was. Buck was okay. He hurt. The deep aching soreness that always seemed to linger regardless of the trauma, was there in the very marrow of his bones. But he was okay.
“Come home with me.” It wasn’t a question even though Eddie had asked it. Buck liked that Eddie felt comfortable enough with Buck to demand things from him.
Buck should say no. They were supposed to be taking it slow. That was why they were surviving off these stolen moments. Not because they wanted to be sure; Buck was without a doubt certain about Eddie in a way he’d never been certain about anything. But because they wanted to savor each moment. Do it the way it should be done, where it was just the two of them getting to know one another. Buck should say no because he didn’t want to come off as too much too soon and take over what little space Eddie kept just for himself.
But Buck knew the window they had for this little moment, this quiet beat where they could just hold each other, was coming to an end and Buck desperately wanted to keep holding on.
So, he nodded and closed his eyes as he let himself be held.
“Okay.”
Eddie kissed him again and then again, letting his lips linger as he breathed him in.
Then Eddie let him go and put an agonizing distance between them just as the boot steps fell outside the curtain. It wasn’t far. Not really. Buck could stretch out his fingers and he’d be able to hold onto the loops in Eddie’s turnout pants. But he didn’t and so it felt like a million miles apart.
The curtain rung as it was pulled open and Athena stepped inside with Bobby at her heel.
“How’s Chim?” Buck asked, grimacing as his voice broke over the sharded minefield that was his throat.
“He’s fine. X-ray came back clean. Just a flesh wound,” Bobby said and the weight that had been sitting in Buck’s stomach when he’d gotten sight of the torn up bloody mess of Chimney’s arm from when he’d landed on it, lifted. “Hen’s getting him discharged.”
Athena’s eyes darted to Eddie who was holding onto his poker face with all his might as he opened the popsicle wrapper.
He held out the orange treat and warmth bloomed beneath Buck’s breast bone as he took it. Orange wasn’t his go to flavor but he swore the hospital put something in their generic store bought orange popsicles.
Buck sucked down the syrupy cold flavor and let out a noise he wasn’t quite proud of when the chill soothed his throat.
Eddie and Bobby laughed as Bobby held out his hand for the wrapper. Eddie passed it and crossed his arms over his chest before he leaned back on his heel, putting even more distance between them.
Athena watched the whole thing and Buck was too worn out to dissect what it was she could’ve possibly seen that would’ve given them away. That was future Buck problems. Current Buck was enjoying his popsicle and the muscle relaxer that had been pumped into his IV and was finally starting to seep into the soreness, making everything soft and fuzzy.
Bobby wasn’t going to let him finish his shift but maybe he could convince him to let Buck sleep off the meds in the bunk room until he could go home with Eddie.
Home.
That made Buck giddier than it had any right to.
“We caught the suspects,” Athena said without preamble and the reminder was enough to steal Buck’s breath away.
The popsicle hid the hitch in his breath thankfully. Buck knew if Eddie had heard, he’d be forced to put the oxygen mask back on and Buck hated those things. He pulled the popsicle away and forced himself to breathe small, slow breaths and nodded.
“We found them trying to ditch the car,” Athena said. “Apparently, they were planning a break in spree and thought stealing a firefighter uniform would get them through the door a little easier.”
“Seriously?” Eddie bit out, anger burning in his tone. “What were they going to do? Force him to strip and then leave him on the side of the road?”
Athena’s mouth puckered as she nodded. “That’s pretty much the size of it. They’d tried breaking into another station earlier but couldn’t find any gear so they thought they’d start at the source.”
Buck eyed his turnout coat bundled on the empty chair beside his bed. He shivered as the chill raced down his spine as he remembered the unrelenting grip tugging on his coat, the zip tie lasso tightening around his throat as he fought, dragging him further into the car.
“The important thing is that they seem to have been working alone which means we don’t have to worry about anyone else trying to drag firefighters into moving vehicles,” Athena said. Her professional demeanor softened and she reached over to squeeze Buck’s arm. “I’m glad you’re okay, Buckaroo.”
“Me too,” Buck said, his voice sounding like he’d inhaled smoke through a straw. Athena smiled at him before she turned to leave.
Bobby whispered a quiet goodbye to his wife before he turned to Buck and Eddie.
“Once Chimney gets discharged, we’re going to take the engine back to the station and then I’ll come back to pick you up. Do you need anything before we leave?”
Buck held up his empty ice chips cup. “More of these if you know a glacier somewhere.”
“More ice chips. Got it,” Bobby said, already stepping back. “I’ll be back in about an hour.”
“I’ll be here,” Buck said and tried not to glare at the IV bag tethering him to the bed.
Bobby looked to Eddie. “We leave in five.”
Eddie nodded.
“Bye Cap,” Buck said with a wave before he lifted the popsicle back to his lips.
Bobby wasn’t gone more than a second before Eddie was leaning down to kiss Buck’s brow.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” Eddie said, his lips caressing Buck’s skin. He kissed him again and Buck preened into the attention like he was starved for it. “Bye baby.”
“Bye,” Buck said and wished, not for the first time, they hadn’t decided to keep them a secret.
He was surprised they’d been able to keep it quiet so long. Their stolen kisses felt like a dance along the edge that sent a thrill in Buck’s pulse points and made him addicted for more.
But they hadn’t and Buck wasn’t ready to break the spell yet.
Still, no one questioned Buck following Eddie out at the end of their shift after Bobby let Buck sleep the remainder in the bunk room. No one noticed the slight out reach of Buck’s fingers. No one saw Eddie stretch out his own and tangle them together as they headed for his truck.
But if they looked carefully, paid attention to the smallest details, maybe they’d see the way Eddie had ensnared Buck’s full devotion and made him breathless in an entirely different way.