Chapter Text
Somewhere in Texas, On a small plot ranch with only a handful of chickens and 2 horses. One is a pony, actually. Her name was Buttercream, and she used to do kids' parties. She just kinda came with the house, and so did the chickens, but Cupcake (who was, in fact, a gelding, named by Wade) was bought off a different rancher who claimed he couldn't be ridden. Well- that was apparently a huge lie because Cup allowed him to ride him every now and again. Maybe it was a scent thing.
Actually, Scent was very important in this house, and it was something Logan checked each night before bed. Sniff around the property and shoo off any animals that didn't belong. He didn't mind the Co-yotes they just were trying to live as much as anything else, but it made him nervous to think about what they might do to the chickens or hell - to Mary Puppins. They would eat her for a snack and still be peckish.
"Alright, I fed the chickens, fed buttercream cupcake, fed puppins, now what do- Woah! Jesus's mother, Mary Magdalene!"
He had just walked into the living room to see Logan laid out on a rug in nothing but his iconic wife beater, some worn in-in all the right places- jeans, and his boots. He had got the fire place working I guess because there it was, heating up the home.
"I dont think its really a good idea to have a fire place inside of house made of wood but what do I know? Im not OSHA certified." He said, of course, to the wall.
Rolling his eyes, Logan was far used to this by now, chuckling a bit. "I got it workin' "
"Yeah I see. I was just talking about that."
"I saw. Who are you talking to anyway?" For once this question was genuine instead of condescending.
"Oh, you know. The viewers. Readers. Whatever you wanna call them." Again, he turns and waves. "Hi. Also- where did he get a bear skin rug? This guy. Ruining the budget. Do you know how expensive bears are?"
Having seen this a billion times, he's learned to just go with it. "Viewers...? Like.. a reality tv show?"
"Kind of. And let me just say, This?" He put his hands out like he was taking a picture. "Is beautiful. You're going to make the ratings sky rocket! Think of what this will do for your PR!"
"Right.. well. I hate to break the.. viewers.. little hearts but this isn't a bear skin. What bears do you know that have black and white spots?"
"Pandas."
Blinking, He sat up. "Wade, this is the middle of texas. Where do you think im going to find a panda?"
"The zoo." He shrugs, watching his boyfriend laugh at him, rolling his eyes.
"So you think the zoo is just going to let me take one of their pandas and skin it for my livingroom?"
"Oh. Yeah, that's a bit of a streach for the budget, isn't it? What is it then?- GAASSP- Don't tell me it's puppies!!"
"What?" (He's found himself saying this about 50 times a day now when living with him, possibly 100) "It's cow.."
"Oooh! Okay- that would have been a deal breaker. I can deal with skinning an endangered species, but I draw the line at Cruella activities."
"So are you just gonna keep talking to that wall, or are you gonna come're?" He muttered, smirking some as he made a small squeal, rushing over to sit down.
The scent of cheap dollar store foundation made him cringe, his mood and demeter changing instantly. "What did I tell you about wearin' that shit.."
Tensing up, he smiled awkwardly, putting his hands in his lap as he looked away. "It's the 21st century, Wolvie, Men wear make up now."
"No. You know damn well that's not what I meant. Come here." Before he could even begin to protest, he grabbed him by the belt, a signature, pulling him into his arms only to flip him on the floor.
"Eeehh!! Peanut, seriously, it's fine! It's just makeup! I didn't even put my mascara on!"
"Im taking that shit off of you. It stinks!" He growled, now straddling him on top of the soft cow rug.
Squirming a bit, Wade was trying to push him off but it was hard to do that when your boyfriend was so heavy, having just started to get back to a healthy weight, healing his relationship with food and his appearance. It only reminded him how much he loved having him. Oh, his big beefy boy. Usually, he would enjoy being manhandled, but he worked hard on his blending today!
"Noo! Do you know how hard it is to cover all THIS up!?"
"Exactly my point. That's why it's coming off. It doesn't NEED covered up, moron!" Pulling off his shirt, both the view and the words put Wade into somewhat of a dormant state.
"You really mean th- Ahh!! Hey! No! You tricked me with nice words!" He protested as he used the shirt to wipe it off, spitting on it and rubbing cirlces to get it off of him. It was times like these when Wade realized that Logan COULD actually hurt him if he wanted too. Then again.. Trapped under a bronzed muscly man like him?
Glory, glory, what a hell of a way to die!
"What are you talking about?"
Oh shit- he hadn't noticed that he said this out loud. "Nothing!! I just - Why do you always have to ruin my makeup!? What are you jealous or something?" He turned to the side, away from him. "Oh, let's be honest. It would be a crime to cover up that face."
"I could say the same thing about you, Bub." He muttered, wiping off the last bit off his neck, holding it as he leaned down to sniff him, still cringing.
"Gross."
This word alone was enough to audibly hear Wade's heart snap. Swallowing as his throat tightened and put his arms over his face.
Oh shit.. that wasn't the best of word to say, was it? God, why was this so hard? This is why he grunted instead of spoke. Words were too complicated.
A pang in his chest ran deep, his own heart clenching as he heard him whimper.
"That's.. That's why I do it.."
"Oh, Wade.." You'd have to be deaf to not hear the tears in his voice, visibly upset and nowhere to run off too, nothing to hide with. He was trapped. The next option was to push him away, Hit him in the chest so he'd let go. Know that he was done playing. That this was serious.
"You know that! So W-why would you -"
He kissed him, holding both sides of his face. Despite the pushing still lasting, it quickly died down as he wrapped his arms around his neck.
Pulling away only when the air in their lungs ran out, He smirked again, breaths heavy.
"Now, if I thought you were so terrible, would I do that? Hm?"
"Y-yes.."
So he kissed him again, this time giving a little growl into it the way he liked it, causing him to giggle and push his face away, turning again.
"Who is this starving man? Where is my wolverine?"
"Right here, baby. All me." He says, looking to where he was too.
"Hey, you can't talk to them! They're mine!"
"Too bad. So what's the census? My PR or what ever you call it up yet?"
"I don't know.."
"Oh sure, you do. It's your show, isn't it?" He asks, turning him to look at him as he crosses his arms, looking away again, still upset with him.
"... It's our show, actually...Deadpool AND Wolverine... sometimes featuring Dogpool, but that's besides the point! Im thinking about cutting you... you're taking up too much budget."
"Oh, am I now? Well, maybe you'd have more budget if you ditched that stinky shit."
Wade went silent for a moment, stalling to tell him what Logan already knew.
"Ooh... Ratings drop when you're you... don't they?" Right. That made so much more sense. Wilson has taken his own negative thoughts and categorized them into show manager and critic positions. And the critics didn't like him bare faced.
"Well... What if we raised ratings or whatever way up? Without all that bullcrap?"
"Do you know how hard it would be to-"
A third kiss.
"You really should learn to shut up, mouth."
But he shoved him away, leaving Logan quiet.