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Dinner seems to always be awkward. I have to hear about the accomplishments of Supe and son, and of Lois Lane award winning reporter, with nothing to say for myself. Since getting the school football team suspended, I don't even have stories about friends to talk about. They've all abandoned me, even the ones as guilty of using XK as I am.
Tonight, Jor is telling about a recent save he performed, with Dad who’s just as excited, sometimes interrupting to fill in a detail or two about the heroism of his flesh and blood. Mom and I listen with sincere admiration. Yes, I am thrilled for him, and of course for the person he rescued, but as always with the embarrassment of being nothing but a fan.
Now, Jor is a great brother, and I love him and am extremely proud of him, even though sometimes it hurts my own pride. This is an example of who Jordan is. At our birthday Bar-B-Q last Saturday, a lot of people showed up with only one gift, for Jordan of course. He discreetly went through the gift pile, and changed the name on many of his presents, to mine, to even out the overwhelming imbalance. He was determined that when we had to take turns opening presents, I wouldn’t be humiliated. I think Mom and Dad threw a few in for me too. It worked, except for the confused faces on some of Jordan’s friends when I opened presents they brought for him.
Tonight is the actual date of our birthday and with just the family here, the presents will be scrupulously equal. The birthday dinner is at the table on the back porch outside the kitchen door. The cake is the last item before the gift giving and Jordan leads the way in taking a second piece, with me right behind, laughing together at the sizes of the slices we cut for ourselves. Since he went first, I deliberately surpassed him in my lack of restraint. After commenting on our gluttony in an amused tone, Dad got up to get our birthday gifts. In a flash, he returned with two boxes of equal size and identical gift wrap. He beams while checking the name tag and giving one to Jordan. Then he handed me the other with a smile in my direction. I smile back as I take the box. Since the XK thing, there is still tension between us, even though it is no longer ever talked about. He turns toward Jordan with obvious anticipation of seeing Jordan’s reaction to his gift. I decide to wait on mine and join in watching Jordan to see why.
Jordan tears quickly through the paper and yanks off the box's lid. His face instantly lights up and he audibly gasps. Then grinning broadly, he joyfully turns to Dad. In both his hands snatches up a suit like the one Superman wears. He tightly holds it up, displaying the bright red and yellow sigil of the House of El. He wordlessly locks eyes with dad for a moment of shared glee. Then with the same look he turns to me, and to mom still proudly holding up the suit. Dad reaches toward Jordan and pulls him in for a hug.
“You've earned it.", he proclaims. “You’ve been a huge help to me out there, and I think you deserve to wear this. Try it on. It was made at the fortress, the computer there has your measurements from examining you, so it will certainly fit. But try it on anyway, I can't wait to see how it looks on you.”
While I smile at the pair of them, I start to fear what's in my box. There are only two possibilities. Some article of clothing casually chosen at a local store. Or, a copy of the suit given to Jordan. Either option, in its own way, would announce the fact that unlike the other men of the house, I’m not a superhero. The first possibility would show that I’ll never be there with them on missions so have no use for anything but what any typical teenager wears, and the other possibility, while trying to ignore that obvious fact, gives me a pretend suit that we all know I’ll never have a reason to wear, except maybe at a Halloween party.
To put it off a few moments, and to have Jor gone when I reveal what the box hides, I chime in with my own hardy, “Yeah, Jor, go on. Let's see how good it looks on you.”
With that, the grinning Jordan vanishes.
With Jordan gone, Dad and mom turn to me with smiles on their faces, and both with hints of wariness in the eyes above their smiles.
“Your turn. Open it”, dad says with a nod toward the box.
I mimic the combination of outward smile with inward wariness. I peal away the giftwrap to expose a box identical to Jordan’s. Hoping for some ordinary clothes as the preferable option, I carefully slide the lid up and off. There inside I see instead that same El family crest emblazoned on a suit like Jordan’s, but empty of its significance. I will never be on any missions with Superman and Jordan for me to wear it. For all the pride it gives Jordan, the Superman emblem only seems to mock me.
I look up to dad, smiling but not knowing what to say. His face becomes serious as he speaks again.
“I wasn’t sure about this, but I want you to know that I think of you as every bit as much a son of the El family as Jordan is.”
With effort, I manage to say thank you and make it seem passably sincere. He brightens, apparently deciding he made the right choice.
“Try it on.” He says.
My first thought is to wonder how the computer at the fortress would have my measurements, since I’ve never been there. As if reading my mind, he adds, “If it doesn’t fit, the fortress's equipment can make the necessary alterations. So go on try it on for size.”
I’m determined to find a way to refuse politely. I don't want to spoil this day for Jor, or even for dad for that matter. I know Jordan getting his suit is a huge cause for celebration to both of them. As to my gift, I appreciate that a white lie can be okay when they're intended to spare someone’s feelings, but I won't put on a performance of wearing one.
Luckily, Jordan reappears. I smile and clap as he makes heroic poses. To make sure the attention stays on him. I tease, “That’s very becoming on you." I say it with a whistle, a laugh, and more clapping. Then to continue keeping thoughts away from my awkward gift reveal, I ask, “So, what took you so long Mr. Super-speed?”.
“Well, I had to admire myself in the mirror, didn't I?”. He goes back to posing dramatically.
“Well obviously.” I say while rolling my eyes.
Jordan looks down at my gift and stares at it a second and meets my eyes. I put on my best smile. He says, “You got one too. Great. Why don't you try it on?” That was half suggestion, half question.
Damn, we're back to that, I think to myself and quietly sigh.
Dad, looking back at me, says cheerfully, “He was just about to! Your turn, Jon.”
Thinking fast I declare, “I think these are flying suits. You two should go now and take Jor's new suit on its inaugural flight.”
“That’s a fantastic idea. Come with us. Both of you.”, Dad says to mom and me.
Mom waves the request off and shakes her head with a smile. I'm grateful because if she'd agreed I’d have had no choice but to go.
Her recent recovery, even unspoken, is excuse enough for her, but Dad turns to me, “Well at least you, Jon. Come on. And wear your suit.”
Great. Could it get worse, I ask myself.
“Uhm…” is all I get out while thinking of how to deflect this.
Dad adds as if my flightlessness is the issue, “Obviously, we know we'll have to carry you.”
“Obviously.” I respond.
Then I add before the sarcasm sets in, “Look. This day is for Jordan. It's his graduation day, you could say. The first time Superman, and… let me see, no longer Superboy, maybe Superman jr., no that’s worse, Superman 2.0? Okay not that either, the press I'm sure will think of something; but anyway, the pair of you with your family uniform will fly together, side by side! As for me, I’d be literally dead weight. Look, you two, fly around the world; dive into the Mediterranean; stand on the top of a pyramid; buzz around the minarets of the Taj Mahal; bring mom flowers from Hawaii; whatever. And when you get back you can tell mom and me all about your adventure. We'll be waiting to hear it all.”
Dad laughs and states, “Actually, I was thinking of a quick spin around Kansas.”
“Not this flight.” I shake my head vigorously. “This is Jordan's first flight properly outfitted. So, make it spectacular!” I smile at Jordan; then take a step back as if they'll launch from right there, on the covered porch.
Dad asks, “Are you sure? It seems we may need you as a tour guide.”
“This is all about the two of you as a team of superheroes.”, I say with finality.
“I understand.”, Jor answers, and I think he does.
They go down the steps together and out into the yard. I follow to the edge of the porch.
Jordan first, then Dad turns back and look at me, checking that I haven’t changed my mind, or maybe just to be sure they have an audience. I thrust out both hands in a pair of thumbs up signs, followed by bending my arms to point into the sky with both hands. I remind myself of those guys with orange flashlights that direct taxiing planes to their runways. With that they vanish, and I stand for a moment looking at the starry sky as if I can still see them.
Then I turn back to the table. Smile at mom and go to my gift waiting there. Putting the lid back on the box, I say to her, “You relax. I’ll clean up. But first, I’ll just put this away somewhere.”
“Somewhere to collect dust, I imagine.” Mom answers.
I realize she hasn’t said a word since the gifts were brought out, and note she’s been celebrating this birthday with more wine than is usual for her.
I smile at her joke and add, “Out of sight, out of mind, as they say."
"I'll be down in minute to clear the table.” I add walking past her, laden with my present.
As I pass, she reaches out for a hug. I lean in and she pulls me in for a kiss on the cheek.
“I appreciate how you handled that. You’re stronger than you realize.”, she tells me.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“You know, he really does love you.” She says earnestly, and then more sadly, “Sometimes, he just doesn’t know how.”
“I know", I assure her, “I love him too. Even the way he is.” I smile with her.
“He agonized over how to handle the whole suit issue. He'd never hurt you intentionally.”
“Well, it seems to me, he didn't agonize enough.” I quip.
She jokingly hits me. “He considered doing it on a different day focused just on Jordan, but you would still be there feeling left out, so, here we are. Have mercy on us poor parents. It isn't easy being the parents of teenagers. And for the Kryptonian Kal-El, it's especially difficult to be the father of a Human son.”
After a pause she adds, “Let's you and I celebrate your birthday together. We'll go to a baseball game or movie, whatever you want, we can stop for pizza for lunch, and I’ll give you a more … appropriate present.”
I respond, “Sounds great, but won’t dad be offended if he finds out?”
“He'll be oblivious.”, she laughs, “He usually is.”
“It’s a date then, but I better go inside and hide the box now, in case they settle for the Kansas itinerary and come back before I hide it.”
I reciprocate her kiss on the cheek, grateful for her support. And carrying away the gift that I hope to never see again, I sigh, thinking that it isn't easy being the human son of the Kryptonian Kal-El either.