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Tammy’s muttering to herself, which isn’t entirely unusual. In Italian which, again, not unusual for her.
It’s usually a running list of things she needs to do or personal grievances – typically against inanimate objects – most often when she’s cooking.
Like now, when Hannah arrives in the kitchen just in time to hear her remind herself to buy more oregano and she pauses, leaning against the doorframe in amused curiosity at what she might say next.
Oblivious to her presence, Tammy promptly insults the pasta water’s father for not boiling quickly enough.
The only thing that stops Hannah choking on a laugh is her double take when she realises that the insult had in fact been in Russian and not Italian.
And that the very next thing she mutters – a crooning reassurance to the garlic that she wasn’t talking to it – is back to Italian again.
That has Hannah freezing. Not because it’s a shock that Tammy knows both languages, no, she’s the reason that Hannah knows so much of both. But because she wants to marry her.
It’s not that she hasn’t thought it before, they’ve even talked about it, just a few weeks back when they finally agreed that marriage was on the table again after having removed it years ago, both too traumatised by their respective divorces to be ready for that again.
They’d talked about it as a progression of their relationship though, even though not much would really be changing, because they’re both actually emotionally ready for it now but this is the first time Hannah has looked at her girlfriend and thought… ‘wife, I want to be able to call this woman my wife.’
“Oh fuck, Hannah,” Tammy’s startled voice brings her out of her thoughts and she blinks to find her now facing her, clutching her chest, “you nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!”
“Sorry, nānāzam,” she chuckles apologetically at the wide-eyed look that quickly transforms into something much fonder.
The only thing holding her back from asking Tammy to marry her right this minute is the knowledge that she won’t feel right doing it until she’s had a chance to talk to her daughter.
“You alright, darlin?” Tammy’s moving closer, her head tilted in concern and Hannah basks in the feeling of being so immediately seen.
Resolving to have a conversation with Naomi later tonight, she smiles, “I have never been better.”
Closing the distance between them, she tugs her in and kisses her firmly, deepening it until Tammy melts, all confusion seemingly forgotten as her hands begin to trail up and down her back, leaving shivers along her spine.
She buries her hands in her hair and ever so slowly backs her into the kitchen counter.
When oxygen forces them to break apart, they linger in each other’s space and she recognises the mischievous glint on Tammy’s face a split second before they’re flipped so she’s pressed into the counter, hands gripping the edge as her girlfriend begins trailing kisses and nips along her jaw.
As she ventures down to lavash her attention on the collarbone just visible past the neckline of her t-shirt, Hannah bites back a moan, knowing full well her daughter is in the house somewhere.
And sure enough, just as Tammy decides that she’s deprived Hannah the feeling of their lips pressed together for long enough, a voice sounds from just through the doorway.
“Am I about to regret walking in here?”
It’s amused but slightly reproachful and they lock eyes, both trying to hold back their laughter.
“Maybe a little,” Hannah admits after a beat, running a hand through her mussed hair and willing her breathing back to normal.
They may have got a tiny bit carried away, that’s on her. It’s not every day she realises just how much she wants to marry someone though.
“Okay well I’m walking in with my eyes closed so if I crash into something then it’s on you.”
Tammy brushes a final kiss to the tip of her nose, then releases her, winking as she makes a shushing motion then silently slips around behind Naomi, who’s stepping slowly into the room with her eyes tightly closed as threatened.
When she comes to a stop and tentatively opens her eyes, Hannah waves, trying to keep the sheepishness out of her face, but Naomi just looks confused.
Then her eyes narrow and she straightens herself before spinning around and aiming a jab straight for Tammy’s stomach.
The strike is skilfully avoided and Hannah crosses her arms, lounging back against the counter as she watches the pair play fight.
“Nice, sweetie!” Tammy congratulates as Naomi lands a direct hit with the flat of her hand.
They each take a few more swipes at each other before Naomi darts around, using the agility she holds over Tammy despite being taller than her, and jumps on her back, wrapping around her like a long-limbed koala.
Unperturbed by the sudden weight, Tammy dives through the doorway and they land in a sniggering mess on the couch.
“Mom,” Naomi giggles, waving from where she’s squished half underneath Tammy, “Mom, help I’m stuck.”
Shaking her head fondly, Hannah holds out a hand to each of them, hauling them up and tugging them into a hug.
Both her girls immediately snuggle into her, Tammy fitting perfectly in the crook of her arm while Naomi rests their heads together. And she doesn’t have to look to know her girlfriend’s hand will be resting on her daughter’s shoulder, linking the three of them inextricably.
Dropping a kiss to both of their heads, she tries not to fixate on that fact that Naomi is less than an inch shorter than her.
She’d been barely eleven when they’d got together and now look where they are. She doesn’t know where the last five years have gone, even though she’s lived them.
And she has, really lived them. There’s something about having Tammy at her side that makes that sort of thing so much easier. The actually taking control of her life instead of just letting it happen around her, doing the things that make her happy.
She would be quite content to stand there forever but Tammy sighs regretfully, “I’ve got to go.”
“Aren’t you staying for food, Ma?” Naomi asks, face pinched in disappointment.
Tammy shakes her head, squeezing her arm apologetically,
“I’m taking some home to Sebastian, they need my help with some system set-up thing that I’m still not clear on,” affectionately, she reaches up to pet her head, “besides, didn’t you say you have homework to do?”
Everything about the two of them interacting makes Hannah’s heart ache in the best possible way.
Tammy had never been more right than when she’d said family is what you make it and she delights in having the living proof right before her every day, watching her daughter interact with the plethora of uncles and ma that her job at NCIS has brought their way.
“Yes,” she groans, “eleventh grade is killing me.”
“Imagine how it’s going to feel to be a Senior!” Tammy nudges her playfully.
They both know that for all her moaning, she’s on top of her school work; Naomi doesn’t get overwhelmed easily.
Her girlfriend would give her all the credit but she has to admit that a certain amount comes from Ryan too, he always has been one to keep a level head in the face of difficult situations.
“You’re doing great, baby,” she chimes in while Tammy nods in agreement, “and if you need any help, I’m right here.”
The answering smile is sincere. “I know, Mom. Thanks,” then she grins, “but first, food!”
Tammy lets out a quiet groan as she tears their mouths apart, warm pants of air ghosting over Hannah’s lips as they linger close together, neither quite willing to let the other go.
“If you’re trying to make me not want to leave, you’re doing a very good job of it,” she whispers, tucking a wild strand of hair lovingly behind her ear.
Chuckling softly, Hannah brushes a thumb over her cheekbone, “No, no emotional manipulation, eshgham, I just love you.”
They’ve said it to each other so many times at this point – Hannah makes a point of reminding her girlfriend as often as she can because she definitely needs to hear it – but she never gets tired of the way just the tiniest hint of a sappy smile lights up Tammy’s face every time.
“I love you, baby.”
And the way she always replies. Not as an automatic answer, but as a promise.
Tammy always has been able to say a lot with few words. It’s one of the things she loves about her. And one of the reasons she fell in love with her in the first place, studying all the minute changes and cautiously pulling back the layers to reveal a deep care beneath the defensive sarcasm.
And it’s with all the softness that she possesses that she leans in to brush one last kiss across Hannah’s lips in the half dark of the hallway.
Then she pulls reluctantly away, grabs her bag and winks teasingly before disappearing around the door, every bit as flirtatious as when they first got together.
Hannah has the same reaction to her teasing now as she did then too, laughing fondly and biting her lip as she latches the door and makes her way back into the brightly lit kitchen, realising it’s actually very easy to imagine a ‘rest of her life’ with Tammy.
“You two really are nauseatingly in love-“ Naomi’s amused voice breaks her out of her thoughts- “you want cheese with this?”
She motions down to the pasta she’s dishing out but Hannah frowns.
“Before you sort that…” she trails off, patting the bar stool next to her.
Naomi tilts her head in concern but still sets down the grater and sidles up to her.
“Is everything alright Mom?”
“Yes, baby,” she reassures, suddenly nervous, “I just… I wanted to know how you would feel about… me asking Tammy to marry me?”
There’s silence in the kitchen.
Naomi is looking at her like she’s grown two heads and she’s just beginning to truly panic when she blinks.
“Of course you should!”
Relief washes instantly over her and barely holds back a sigh, “Yeah?”
“Yes!” she beams, “you two have been avoiding this for at least two years. You’re functionally married anyway you’re just gonna get a bit of paper, a celebration with the family and a nice holiday.”
“Avoiding?” Hannah latches onto the word and the almost panic it instils in her, insisting, “we haven’t been avoiding it!”
“Mom, come on-” her daughter shoots her an impatient look- “it’s understandable, you’ve both been burned before. Marriage hasn’t worked out for either one of you and you wanted to make sure it would be different this time.”
Internally cringing at her lack of ability to hide things from her much too perceptive daughter, she smiles humourlessly, “Is it that obvious?”
“Maybe just to me,” she shrugs, “and possibly Uncle Sebby. And Grandpa Pride. And-”
Hannah cuts her off by pulling her into a hug, using the fact she’s sitting down to rest her chin on the top of her head and squeezing her eyes closed, remembering a time she’d actually been this short and easy to protect.
Even if Hannah hadn’t always succeeded at that either.
As much as she’s tried to put aside her guilt at bringing her family into danger, knowing how much her own guilt weighs on her daughter and that it was ready to tear them both apart, the reminder that the effects of that time linger is a stab to her gut.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re too mature for your age?” she mumbles, dropping a kiss to the top of her head.
She’s grateful for everyone that encourages Naomi to still be a child at times; all the weird science experiments that she does with Sebastian, playfighting with Tammy, pizza nights with the team, the tradition she somehow has with Pride to see every Pixar new movie together.
And yet, she knows her daughter is wise beyond her years, with a wisdom that comes directly from her experiences.
Naomi snorts lightly , “I’ve thought about relationships a lot. Trying to work out what I feel. Or don’t feel. Gives you a lot of perspective. But you know what?”
She wiggles out of the embrace and Hannah stares down into her face, eyes dark with history but a smile still there, resisting the urge to pull her right back in.
“What?”
“On the slim possibility that I do get in a relationship, the two of you are the best example I could ever have had.”
Whether it be from the words or the sincere expression on her face, Hannah feels a block forming in her throat as tears spring up in her eyes.
“You’ve also raised my standards way up. Like so high. It’ll be a miracle if anyone ever meets them.”
A laugh escapes Hannah at the teasing in her voice, despite the tears that are threatening to overwhelm her.
One of the main reasons she’d never got back together with Ryan was because she didn’t want Naomi to grow up with that as her main example for a relationship.
The divorce had been shitty, for all of them, and she’s spent enough time worrying about the effects on her daughter but to hear the confirmation that she’d made the right decision…
“For platonic relationships too, I know what our family has is special and I know what they all mean to you because they mean a lot to me too. I know my self-worth and a lot of that is down to you.”
Naomi’s voice is absolutely earnest and the tears begin to creep down Hannah’s cheeks.
Reaching out, she pulls her in for another hug, unable to resist the urge to rock her like she used to when she was little.
This is all she’s ever wanted for her daughter. For her to recognise her worth, to have a family and support and to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she’s loved, so deeply.
“I love you, sweetheart-“ she takes a shaky breath- “you know that, don’t you?”
“I know, Mom, I love you,” she replies softly, giving her a gentle nudge, “and I love Ma too, so please, propose so I can watch the look on your face when you get to introduce her as your wife.”
Chuckling at her playfulness, she pets her head, “She’ll be my fiancé first. Oh, shit.”
“Mom, language!” Naomi pulls back, a look of exaggerated scandal on her face as Hannah’s stares at her, wide-eyed.
“I’ve actually got to propose now!”