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I have to admit that I have come to terms with the idea of being weak. I am a woman, a member of the 'weak sex'; my biology has led men to believe that I need to be rescued and that it would be humiliating for them if I tried to be their savior. I don’t blame them. They are as society has made them; indeed, they don’t seem interested in change, although there are much worse habits than that…
I’m used to hearing them call me ‘weak’. I’ve heard them since I was a child. Weak. Useless. Soft. Fragile. Initially, it broke my heart, but over the years I developed an armor that prevented me from feeling the damage so deeply; however, after my first encounter with Roronoa, it began to sting like the first time. Losing to him scarred me, and knowing that I am incapable of defeating him tears me apart. Not even the words of Trafalgar Law on the road to Punk Hazard made me feel as miserable as knowing that there was a pirate-swordsman I might never be able to defeat.
"Damn it, Zoro! You became far too strong!", I yelled from my soul.
I left the stateroom in the middle of the starry night to watch the waves break against the ship's hull and hoped the sea breeze would clear my thoughts. My father's words appeared and embraced me, and I looked into my deepest memories to remember what had happened for him to trust me with them.
xxx
That morning I woke up excited. In my dreams, I had found a treasure full of legendary swords stolen by pirates. I had bravely defeated the villains and set those poor souls free. I felt that the dream was some kind of omen and decided to climb the big tree that day and show the dumb kids what I was capable of. With my bokken on my back and my red-framed glasses so I could see beyond my nose, I walked down the stairs. My mom was humming as she poured some juice in a glass at the table.
"Someone woke up in a good mood," she said, sitting in front of the breakfast while smiling at me. "I hope hungry as well”.
I nodded immediately. Mom was one of the strongest women I have met in my life. She had a gentle look even when she was angry at me because I resented being born a woman. Mom did not tolerate hearing me say that I wished I was born a man because everything was easier for them. As time passed, I understood her and learned that men’s stupidity and inability to recognize women as equals was not my fault. I always wanted to be strong just like her. My mom was my ideal, but ultimately I became an amalgam of both my parents.
"Come on, Tashigi. It’s time to eat" she remarked, knowing I had gotten lost in the hallway and guessing I was in front of the library.
"Just a minute," I replied. "I’m trying to reach something…"
She never came after me to avoid an argument because she knew exactly how she was going to find me. I had turned nine years old a few months ago and couldn’t reach the top of the shelves yet. It was not a height problem, I had always been tall for my age, but the library was enormous, as wide as the wall itself and as tall as my father on his own shoulders, or so my little child’s eyes made me believe. The night before I had finished a novel, and I wanted to choose a new one to start reading under the Big Tree. I looked through the titles and finally selected one called ‘ The Land of Fate ’. Its cover was quite tattered, with dark leather and the title embroidered in gold thread. I picked it up. The summary told the story of a girl -about my age- who went out to see the world in a small boat with her father. It promised battles against pirates, rescuing princesses, and the discovery of a lost treasure. 'Perfect,' I thought, 'Just like my dream'. I jumped down at the same time my mother called me once more to have breakfast, and luckily, her voice muffled the sound of my feet hitting the floor.
"Going out?" she asked, watching me put the book in my bag as I entered the kitchen.
"Yes..." I replied, already sitting at the table and grabbing a toast to spread with butter, "Today is my day. I will climb the Big Tree and prove those fools that I am as good as them."
"Tashigi, we already talked about this," Mom said, using her counseling voice, slightly lower than her usual tone. "The only person you have to prove anything is to yourself."
"I don't care. I am going to climb the tree today."
"Why don't you go practice with your sensei?" she tried to get my mind off of it.
"I can't," I mumbled, my mouth full of toast. "Sensei is visiting a sick relative in the village on the other side of the mountain. He will be back tomorrow."
"I see," she whispered as she carried her eyes to the window. "Don't be late, honey."
"I'm done." I kissed her on the cheek on my way out.
It was a long way to the Big Tree. Back then, I was a very active child so I did not usually stop to rest, but what I did do was to take the time to watch the creatures or something I found unusual, because I was full of curiosity. During breakfast, Mom had packed me a sandwich and a canteen with enough water for the whole trip. She was the best mom in the world.
I remembered enjoying the trip that particular morning. The weather was perfect; it was a warm day but some chilling breeze stepped up from time to time to freshen me up. I took a break to share some of my bread with a chipmunk family and ended up reading just the first chapter of the book against a tree. That day my main goal was to climb the Big Tree and read on the top of it, but my desire to know what was behind those pages was so strong I couldn't resist myself. I would say I resumed my journey much more excitedly, if it was even possible, fantasizing about the fate of the main characters, whom I imagined like my father and myself, based on their descriptions.
Finally, I arrived. The Big Tree was majestic. Every time I saw it, it was like the first time. Its leaves were the size of a grown-up’s hand, dark green and shiny, with one side velvety and the other slightly rough. The roots of the Big Tree were thick and stretched out long, standing out like waves and creating perfect foxholes to hide underneath its copious green helmet. It looked like a fairytale tree, and it would have been if it w ere n’t plagued by mean kids.
"Guys! Look who’s coming!" shouted one of the boys pointing at me. He was sitting on a branch near the ground.
Another one appeared hanging upside down, smiling widely: "Hey, Genta! We have company."
I kept going firmly, playing deaf to their usual welcome until I saw the annoying and sly smile on Genta’s face. I knew most of them, and even though I was two years younger, three were at the same dojo rank that I was. I was a proud little girl. Our sensei used to praise me, saying that my technique was superior, clean, and accurate, but the boys were physically stronger, and no matter how focused I was, they always overpowered me.
"What are you doing here, Tashigi? Looking for more?" asked Genta, stepping in to show off in front of his friends while the others repeated everything he said like parrots.
"You don’t scare me." I shoot back boldly.
"You don’t scare me," Shinji taunted me while jumping from one of the branches. He was the last one to come down. Genta’s best friend. Shinji was thin and tall and the only one who could match me in a clean sword duel. "What do you want, bookworm?" he said, giving Genta a high five.
"A pair of new glasses." cheered another from behind.
"I’ve come to prove to all of you that I can climb the big tree," I replied, leaving my bag and bokken between a pair of bushes.
"Again? Don’t you think you’ve already proven that you can’t do it?" Genta pressed, watching me amusedly.
"We’re going to find that. NOW".
I pushed Genta aside and I made my way through the bullies. Each of them looked at me with mockery, certain of my failure, but they knew nothing of this day. They didn’t know about the enthusiasm that had woken me up in the morning or about my desire to read the book in the highest branch of the Big Tree. They didn’t know about that new adventure that filled me with excitement and bravery. They didn’t know about it, but as soon as they found out, they moved quickly and with malice to keep me away from my goal.
It wasn’t easy. I spent half an hour jumping, trying to catch the nearest branch, but it didn't matter where I was running from, I couldn’t even feel it with my fingertips. Unlike other times, when their mockery and teasing made a knot in my throat and I had to fight myself not to cry, this time it gave me strength. My tears had been the source of inspiration for their mocking. Being a girl and, worst of all, a “crybaby”, as they called me, gave them motivation for their abuse. However, from the deepest in my heart, I preferred it. Not because I was a masochist, but because I knew that if they saw me as a little girl, they would never bother to fight me, mock me, or even knock me to the ground in those few moments when they knew I could make the difference.
My second attempt, which was trying to climb from the trunk, didn’t work either, not even with my bare foot to avoid sliding off. At the exact moment, when the tears threatened to step out, a new idea showed up. I had to achieve a combination between climbing and jumping to fulfill my goal. I chose a new spot, far away from the tree, and ignoring the bickering of the boys who insisted I should give up, I started running. I ran only focusing my attention on the hole in the trunk which would boost me up to the nearest branch. Wrapped in confidence, I made the two jumps, one to reach the hole and the other from there, and for the first time, I was able to touch the branch. ‘One more time’, I said to myself. I fell on my haunches between two powerful roots and returned quickly to the same spot to start running again. ‘I’m gonna make it,’ said a voice inside me. I was so sure of my triumph that I didn’t notice the strange silence surrounding me.
"Didn’t I tell you that little girls shouldn’t play with men’s stuff?" I heard, while my feet stood in the hole ready to jump.
"This should be ours. Whatcha’ think, guys?" said another voice at the same time my hand almost got to the branch.
I could not help it. I had to see. I turned my face knowing exactly what they were doing. Genta had my bokken, the other guys my bag with the food, and Shinji watched my book with an arrogant and bitter expression. I lost concentration and crashed to the ground. I’d been so close. The hit was quick and painful. I was able to prevent some damage from the fall with my hands, but from the stinging sensation I thought I had broken something in my arm. Also, my glasses flew off and I couldn’t see anything. I was lying on the ground, hurt, blind, and at the mercy of some dumb kids who hated me. I tried to stand upright slightly and searched the ground with my good hand to find my glasses.
"We warned you. Weaklings can’t climb the Big Tree, so neither can girls," claimed Shinji.
"I almost did it, you prick." I shouted in the direction of his voice "And I would have if all of you weren’t such cowards." I bit at the end.
I felt the tips of my fingers reaching the round frame of my glasses when the sky turned dark. At the same time, a heavy foot crushed my hand and the glasses beneath it. The sound of my broken glasses got in the way of my scream, a scream born more of shock than pain. I bit my lip hard to keep the tears at bay making it bleed. When the boy raised his foot, proud of himself, I took the glasses and sat in the same spot, I tried them on. The temples were bent and both lenses were broken into three and four pieces each but wearing them was better than the heavy mist my eyes showed me. I raised my eyes to find them surrounding me. The only purpose of tampering with my belongings was to make me fall. They couldn’t bear to know that I had found a way to climb the tree. The shadows in their faces warned me that they didn’t think my fall was punishment enough for my trespass.
"If you think you’re so strong, Tashigi, fight us without your bokken. Bare fist." Genta challenged me.
"I’m not afraid of any of you," I replied, standing up with the fiercest look. My right arm was hanging useless at my side, I had a bleeding lip and bruises all over my body. I felt like hell, but I had no intention of going back down.
"It doesn’t look like it. You can’t stop shaking, Tash Tash." Shinji teased me. Immediately afterward, he pushed me hard into Genta.
I tried to take advantage of the push in my favor to hit one of the boys, but my skinny fist was a joke to him. Actually, my bare-knuckle fighting was a joke to all of them. They ended me fast. A punch to the side, another to the nose, and a few kicks here and there. They wanted to teach me a lesson quickly so they could move on to the next stupid thing they had to do.
I don’t know how much time I spent lying on my side, arms around my stomach, trying to overcome the pain. Besides my lips, there was blood coming out of my nostrils, and my right eye was black, but my smile was the biggest. Genta will never forget the kick I gave him between his legs.
At that moment I didn’t have enough strength to walk down the long path to my home, also I knew I shouldn’t go back in the state I was. My mom didn’t hesitate in going to talk to the boy’s parents, they were going to be grounded, and the next beating would be so much worse. I realized I needed to run away from reality a little bit. To open the new book and get lost in its adventures. I dragged my body to the trunk of the Big Tree, laid the book on my aching legs, and flipped through the first pages until I caught up with the beginning of the second chapter. I let myself be drawn into its dreamy and adventurous world for who knows how long.
The wind woke me up to reality. The sun was fading away and the sky was shining bright in a velvety shade of red. While I was reading, the pain seemed to fade away, but as soon as our invisible pact was broken because of the end of the dream, it came back with such force. Going back to my house was a painful nightmare. Never in my whole life, have I felt the road as long and endless as I did that evening. But still, carrying my book and broken bokken, afraid to leave them behind in case those kids found them, I pressed my footsteps to get there faster and ask my mom to fix my arm.
I walked through the back door to avoid running into one of my neighbors. A short wooden fence painted white and decorated with a small pink and yellow flower on each panel, enclosed our backyard. I opened the little gate slowly, trying not to make too much noise, as if I was delaying my reunion with my mom. The fear of being scolded for the way I was and for being late was mixing with my need to run to her and feel her protective embrace. To my surprise, she was tending her garden, her back to the door where I was standing. I should have known but the pain clouded my mind.
Without stopping what she was doing, she said, "I asked you to come home early, Tashigi." She ran the back of her hand over her forehead to wipe away an invisible sweat, "Go inside and wash quickly. We have a guest."
The tears I had fought so hard to keep at bay for the entire day freed themselves when I heard her voice. I wanted her to hold me tight and confess to her that I was feeling so bad, that everything in my body ached. I stopped listening to her, struggling with the stone in my throat that prevented me from speaking up until she saw me. For a brief second, I could see her panicking but immediately, she settled. My face was red and full of tears and she knew I needed her to be calm, instead, she turned cold. My mom was so sweet to me, but when I was in any kind of danger, it looked like her heart would turn to ice.
"Tashigi! What happened? Your arm, sweetie." she said in horror, dropping everything to run towards me.
"I finally did it," I lied, drawing a tiny smile to my lips, "I climbed the Big Tree, but then I fell because I was trying to get down in a hurry. I think my arm is broken." I added with a light and fake laugh to cover my grief.
"Oh God! You need to see a doctor," she mumbles to herself, "Ryuji!" she cries.
I couldn't believe it until I saw him coming out the back door. My father was home. Dad, with his poorly buttoned navy uniform, his bare foot and his blue hair, as dark as mine, much longer than last time. It had been almost a year since the three of us had been together.
"Don’t cry, Tashigi," Mom whispered in my ear.
I nodded and focused on swallowing my distress. Dad had turned pale when he saw me.
"What happened, Tashigi?" Dad asked, "Who did this to you?" he insisted.
"Nobody. I fell from a tree..." I lied; my voice was like a yarn, "I’m so glad you came back," and without being able to avoid it, I threw myself at him and let myself cry loudly.
Dad held me in his arms and hugged me tightly. He and my mom talked for a while until we went to Dr. Megumi’s house.
Dr. Megumi lived a couple of blocks away with her husband, her twins, and her new baby. Her house was big and her practice was part of it. The office had the lights off so my mom rang the bell of the house. My parents apologized for bothering her so late in the night but Megumi was very concerned about my wounds, and immediately guided us into the clinic. The examination took some time. First, she checked for another broken bone besides the one in my arm. Then she disinfected everything, even the smallest scratch, and at the end, she splinted my arm for its long recovery. In the meantime, my parents were waiting outside with her husband, drinking a cup of calming tea which was Megumi’s own blend. When we left, the doctor gave us some instructions and reminded me to put some ice on my eye to ease the pain.
I went back home the same way I had left, in my father's arms. I didn’t care that I was a big girl, being in my father’s arms made me feel safe and happy. Mom helped me shower and put on my pajamas while Dad was in charge of finishing dinner. Luckily, my mom had started the meal in the afternoon because cooking wasn’t my dad’s forte. We ate laughing, forgetting about the visit to the clinic, my broken arm and bruises, and enjoying the fact that the three of us were finally together as we usually dreamed of.
"Are you going to tell me what you were doing with that tree, Tashigi?" my father asked, entering my bedroom behind me. He was carrying the book.
I hesitated. I was afraid my mom wouldn't be happy if I told him about the boys, but at the same time, I couldn’t resist the urge to talk to him heart-to-heart. "I wanted to prove to some boys that I am not as weak as they think I am," I confessed as I sat on my bed.
"Tashigi, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone," he said, using the same words my mother repeated to me. "Who are those boys?" He wanted to know as he covered me with the blanket. Then, he sat next to me.
"Some students of the dojo and their friends. They say I shouldn’t use a sword because I’m a girl. But they are jealous because my technique is better than theirs." I looked at the open door and whispered, "I wish I could be as strong as Mom and not cry; they would take me more seriously."
My father chuckled to himself.
"Why are you laughing?" I demanded in displeasure. "Mom never cries. She is strong." I remarked.
"Don’t say that, Tashigi. Just because you don’t see her crying doesn’t mean she does not. She doesn’t show it to protect you. But trust me on this," and he moved his face closer to mine to whisper, "Your mother cries like everyone else."
"Really?" I asked, amazed. I couldn’t imagine my mother crying; the only time I think I ever saw her sad was when she looked out the window in the early morning and thought I didn’t see her.
"Of course, honey. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be as strong as she is." He saw the confusion in my eyes and continued, "I’m going to tell you something," the intense look in his eyes hypnotized me. The excitement of being on the verge of hearing the most important of all secrets kept me silent. "Whoever dares to say that crying is for the weak is completely wrong. Crying is for the brave. It is for those who are strong enough to face and fight their own weaknesses. Crying is okay and it doesn’t make you useless, on the contrary, it makes you bold".
His words burned in my heart and completely changed my perspective. I was used to being called weak by those who saw me crying and associated my tears with my weakness, by those who were afraid to cry. I settled into bed in silence, with a cozy smile. Knowing this secret did not mean that I would cry every moment, but it did mean that I wouldn't stop for the wrong reasons. I never deprived my tears from touching my cheeks, believing them to be a sign of weakness ever again. No, crying is for the brave. This confession shaped me and made me who I am today.
Dad promised me and my mom two full weeks before he had to go back to the Navy. Our first week was amazing. In the mornings, he would train in the backyard and I would watch carefully, trying to absorb each of the katas he did with his two swords, Kurokage and Tsukihime. He gave me a book that collected sword legends from all over the world, and his katanas were in it. Dad cared for Kurokage and Tsukihime as if they were any other flesh-and-bone nakama, and he trusted them with his life. At night, he took it upon himself to tuck me in and read to me. I chose to have him read to me from the beginning of The Land of Fate so that I could share it with him. I loved to hear him do the voices and play the different characters. Mom joined us every night; it was her favorite activity. I can’t remember another time when her smile was so big.
However, at the beginning of the second week, Dad went to visit the town on the other side of the mountain. I was mad at first because I wanted to go with him anywhere he went, but the truth was, with my broken arm, I would delay him more. Mom wasn’t a fan of the idea, either, but she never said anything in front of me at least. She was so happy in those days with my father, there wasn’t a nostalgic glance at the window or forced smile when we talked about him. Everything was perfect. Mom offered reading to me that night, but I preferred to be the one reading to us both and impersonate the voices my father made. The next morning we went to the market to buy the ingredients to prepare Dad’s favorite meal and stopped by Megumi’s so she could check my injury. The bone was healing nicely but slowly, and the split had to stay two more weeks. I was eager to go back to the dojo to train, but being with my father made up for everything.
No one could have foreseen it until it was too late. The chimes were heard when everything was lost. There weren’t enough marines or soldiers in our town. It was supposed to be a peaceful island, far from danger. On that day, I learned that there is danger around every corner and that running away from its dark claws isn’t easy.
I was playing with my friend Maiko in the backyard of her house when a large plume of gray smoke drew our attention. Immediately, the bells rang BONG-BONG-BONG and the shouts of the villagers filled our ears: PIRATES! PIRATES! PIRATES! We were frozen. Pirates? In our village? I t was absurd. Maiko was terrified. I remember being angry because my broken arm wouldn’t let me protect her, so sure that I’d make a difference. Maiko’s brother came out of the house and told us to go to hide in the basement. "No," I decided, and while Maiko did as she was told I ran back to my house. I went through all the neighbor's backyards to avoid being seen by the criminals, but I could still hear the screams, the cries, and some gunshots.
My father’s voice comforted me. I slowly opened the gate to the backyard and stealthily approached the front door. Knowing that my father was there gave me hope. I knew I could rest easy knowing he would take care of everything, save us, and defeat the pirates. I wanted to help him so badly, but my arm wouldn’t let me, and fear grabbed me as I saw the faces of real pirates for the first time. I learned the bad way that they were nothing like they were portrayed in the books. They were terrifying and deadly evil. The scene before me wasn't what I expected to see either. The pirates had Dad at bay. The katanas seemed to weigh on his side. He was furious, his eyes filled with blood, but he remained silent, studying the moves of his enemies without allowing himself to lose in the mental game they were all playing. In the other corner was my mom. A skinny man was holding her by the waist and pointing a gun at her head. There were five pirates in our house. How many were on the ship?
"Easy, marine. If you don't move, we won't..." said a pirate with a black eye patch, a red bear, and a big belly. His laugh hurt my ears.
"Mom!" I screamed without thinking from the button of my heart, alerting the pirates of my presence.
In a swift and imperceptible movement, my father took the third katana from his belt and threw it outside. The swords flew over my head, but I couldn't move my head to see where it fell. The fear had me frozen.
"A little girl. Your daughter?" asked one of the pirates looking at me with malice.
"No, please. Leave her out of this," my mother begged in tears. It was the first time I had ever seen her cry.
"Come here, little girl," the eye-patch pirate sang, waving his hand at me like he was calling a dog.
At that moment only my knees reacted a little, my mind still didn't know what to do. I looked at the pirate in horror, still aware that his hand was far away, and that if he dared to lay a finger on it, my father would cut it off.
"Ran, Tashigi! RAN!" roared my father.
I did it. I didn't know how, but I ran. The last thing I saw was the smiles on my parent's faces and the look in their eyes that shone with the immeasurable amount of love they had for me. Somehow I managed to grab the sword that my father had thrown at me, and I kept running without looking back. I heard the screams. A pirate ordered someone to follow me. I heard my father’s voice but I couldn't understand what he was saying and after that, the first gunshot. My mind begged me to stop but it was instinct who was in charge of me. I kept running and running without stopping. I kept running while the gunshots rumbled in my ears; until the moment when I was incapable of knowing if they were real or from my imagination. To give me the strength to keep running, I told myself that my father had defeated the pirates and that he was going to show up at any moment. I would wait for him under the Big Tree, hiding among its roots. And I waited, and waited, and waited but he never showed.
As dusk fell and cleared away the remaining afternoon light, I knew I had to go back. The sound of the alarm was replaced by the church bell calling the survivors to gather at the same place. My eyes were swollen from crying, and my left hand was covered in scratches and bruises from hitting hard the log of the Big Tree in an outburst of fury. I got up because I had to tell my parents, who should have been desperately looking for me, that they shouldn't have any more worries, that I was safe.
The journey back was tough. The sword was heavy and I didn’t have the strength given to me by instinct to get away and save my life. I reached the town once the big and round moon shone in its zenith. The stars sparkled golden in an indigo and dark purple night sky. It was one of the most beautiful nights I had ever seen and also the most terrible. There wasn't a soul in the streets. The bells called everyone into a frenzy. The most expected thing to do was to go to the church, where my parents would be waiting for me with the rest of the survivors. However, my feet moved on their own and when I realized where I was, I saw the front door of our house.
I got inside calling out for them. In the beginning, my voice was weak, fearful of being heard by the enemy. Later, it was strong, sorrowful from the lack of an answer. I made an effort to understand their silence. Maybe I should have gone to the church, maybe they were there waiting for me or maybe they were searching on the hill or the forest. I prayed. I wished. I begged. Tears filled my face as I realized. Blood splattered everywhere, the broken furniture, the fallen books, the collapsed shelves, the shattered glasses, and amid all this destruction were the bodies of my parents, holding their hands. With a glimpse, I knew they were dead. I let myself fall in front of their hands while the most horrible of pains pierced through my soul. My chest closed in on itself, leaving me with no air, and every time I opened my mouth to shout, only an inaudible sound like a hurt animal came out.
I cried out for my dad. I begged him to wake up, to hold me, to be with me, to never leave me alone. The same I did with my mom. But they never answered. Not a word, not a loving caress. I couldn't feel their breath, or their laugh, or their voices, and never, ever, again was I able to. A shout burst out of me carrying away the pain in my chest for a brief moment in time. I threw myself in between their hands as if they were hugging me too. I extended my arms to touch their faces but kept my eyes closed to not see their lifeless expressions. I cried. I shouted and suffered because of the cruel injustice and the everlasting loneliness upon me. And somehow I fell asleep until the late noon of the next day.
I opened my eyes, startled. There were noises - steps, words, orders, shouting. Blinded by rage and thinking the pirates had returned, I got up. Tears welled at the edge of my eyes when I saw my parents' bodies covered in dried blood, but my instinct pushed me again, sensing the commotion around the corner. I put myself in front of their bodies with the katana in hand, ready to protect them and challenge anyone who dared to do any harm.
I was ready to fight. I was not afraid, although I was shaking. I wanted to fight them and hurt them to give them a little bit of my pain back. I wanted revenge, and if I weren't capable of achieving that, I'd rather be dead because I couldn't see a future for myself. However, fate had some other plans for me. A gigantic and muscular man with white hair, who had a cigar resting on his lips and was dressed in the uniform that I knew so well, stood up on the threshold. His arms were crossed over his chest and his coat hung from his shoulders. We looked at each other; the exchange was deep and powerful. He hadn’t expected to find a little girl at the scene. I hadn’t expected to find someone like him.
It took me a while to understand that I was safe. The katana slipped out of my hand and ran onto him. He knelt at the exact moment to wrap me in his arms. He held me while I cried against his chest, while I kicked him and hugged him with all the force I had left. From that day, I never left his side. Smoker-san became my father, my teacher, my vice-admiral, and most important thing, my irreplaceable nakama.
xxx
"Are you all right?" a velvety and honest voice asked me.
I put away my eyes from the sea to find the owner of that voice. My face was soggy in tears product of my memories.
"Yes," I answered sincerely. She appeared troubled by the discovery of my tears, but I carried on before she could say anything. "You don't have to worry. So many things have just happened."
"Tashigi-san, if you want to talk to someone, I can listen. I understand that you might not want to because you're you and I'm me, but I can comprehend. Everyone on this ship knows how to do that," Robin remarked with a maternal aura.
Since Punk Hazard I have chosen not to be an idiot. The Straw Hat Crew showed me more than once that they weren't evil and did care about just causes. Even though they were pirates and knew I hated their kind, it was impossible to avoid seeing them with fair eyes.
I had been traveling in the Sunny for more than a week. Between my time as a guest and the years I had known them, I had come to a conclusion about them. Hunting them was out of the question. They were pirates, not evil pirates, but pirates, and I was a Marine. But in these times of war and sadness, I decided that they should not be my or Smoker-san's primary goal. We should finish off the cruel pirates and bring down the corrupt Navy. Once the world was clean, we could return to the routine of hunting the Straw Hats, and perhaps I could defeat Zoro that day.
"It wasn't my intention to disturb your thoughts. I want to ask you about this book." Robin held in his hands the book I was reading before my parents died. "I remember it from my childhood," she added with a nostalgic smile.
"It was one of the only memories I brought from home... when those pirates..." I didn't need to finish the sentence, Robin knew what I meant. "Shigure and that book. My mother had written it long before she met my father." I couldn't help but smile sadly.
"Such an honor," she said. Her smile was wide now and her eyes were bright with amusement. "Can I read it again? I promise to make it quick."
"Enjoy yourself, Robin. We still have a long way ahead of us to reach my port. Besides, my mom would love to know I found someone with whom I can share my love for reading."
We stood in silence for a moment, watching the stars and letting the breeze ruffle our hair, until the archaeologist voiced out "I'm glad to see you recovering."
"You've got a great physician."
"The best. That's why Zoro brought you on board," she remarked as she found her way back. "Remember, if you need to talk, you can knock on my door."
"Thank, Robin-san. I appreciate it"
While I saw her leaving the deck, I remembered our first encounter. I hated her for a long time because she had made me feel so small and helpless. But I was wrong. If Smoker-san knew. Without a doubt, he would have scolded me for being too kind to these pirates. However, I couldn't consider hunting them while being a board their home. And even though I wouldn't share my strengths with them, I couldn't avoid the fact that life itself always throws us all on the same path.
Somehow I found myself lost in the corridors of the ship. When I realized I had already passed the kitchen and the sick bay, I kept going, letting my feet control my body. They stopped at the final door, far away from the rest of the cabins. It was a metal door that had a small circular window in its center. I looked through to see what was hidden beyond.
Zoro was inside, sitting against the wall, checking out my father's katanas. His look seemed to be fighting between respect and pity because nobody had taken care of them properly for a long time. A hot feeling was born in my chest while watching the scene. I could choose to believe that the feeling was one of pride. Pride in getting them back on my own , without his help, for my father's honor and mine. But I couldn't fool myself anymore. The feeling was born from seeing how he cared for the katanas. To see him so...
"I'll take them while you get better," he said after laying my bloodied body on the bed. "But they are mine," I warned him with my last breath. I think I heard him laugh, but I can't be sure; my mind was already gone.
xxx
We anchored at the island with the sole intention of replenishing supplies. However, we ended up taking care of their protection and safety. From time to time, a group of pirates came to steal their food, but more importantly, their fortune; its source of sustenance was a small but rich ruby mine. It wasn't a big island or a major port on any map, which is why its coast guard was so small and they didn't even have more than two law enforcement officers. After so many attacks, you'd expect the central government would send the help they'd requested. Smoker-san and I spent a few days researching and planning until we felt we had found the best way to proceed. We split our crew in two. He took only those necessary to get the ship moving, and the rest stayed with me on the island to organize the town, teach the coast guard more maneuvers, and prepare us to protect the villagers in case Smoker-san didn't get back in time with more marines to embody the coast guard.
Taking small walks on the streets of the town made me feel a little nostalgic and I couldn’t understand why until I found myself hypnotized by some kids playing. Everything was so similar to my hometown, except for the mine. Children filled the streets with joy, nice neighbors, perfect weather, not too hot, not too cold, an air of peace as if the danger of pirates didn't exist. On top of that, they felt safe with us there. I had my marines in place so that there would be no surprises. I divided them into a couple of groups. I placed some by the harbor, some on the beach, and some at the borders that were far away from our watchful eyes and where pirates could anchor. I also had organized shifts because I wanted them to be well-rested to do their jobs. The plan was good, it should have been fool-proof.
The day they arrived the alarm didn't go off. And there were two pirate ships anchored that day. By the time I found the first group of pirates who shouldn't have been on the island, my marines were chasing a nasty rumor; muttered by a coast guard allied with the pirates, I later found out. Meanwhile, I was talking to some of the villagers, reviewing the security measures, when I saw Roronoa walk by, next to his partners, Vinsmoke Sanji and Nico Robin. The words stuck on my tongue and the heat of anger was born from the deepest part of my stomach. Without a doubt, I drew Shigure and aimed at them.
"Pirates! What the hell are you doing here? All of you are under arrest."
The small group of marines who had been with me surrounded them to prevent them from taking any more steps.
"You!" Zoro shouted, disrespectful and exaggerated as always. "Stop following me everywhere I go, Captain Glasses ."
"I am the one following you? I have been here for almost two weeks and... AH! Why should I explain myself to you, Roronoa? You are under arrest! Put your swords on the ground and your hands where I can see them." I couldn't understand how he managed to make me so nervous just by opening his mouth. He was so annoying, arrogant, and despicable.
His blond partner kicked him in the head with his foot and stared at him. "That's no way to treat a lady, plant head."
Robin stepped out. Her gaze was the peacemaker, and it seemed she chose to ignore the circus act her partners were performing. A little girl pulled at the hem of my shirt and wanted my attention. I put Shigure down and gave her a comforting smile. I wanted to reassure the little girl that she had nothing to be afraid of and that I was there to protect her. But the little girl didn't seem to be afraid, she just wanted to warn me.
"Please, Tashigi-san. Don't hurt them. We asked them to come back to protect us from the mean pirates. They are not evil at all. They are funny." Somehow, her voice reminded me of mine when I was her age.
I was frozen by the little girl's words. Even though I knew the central government had ignored the town's plea for help, I could not stomach the idea of asking pirates for protection. But a piercing scream from a woman, followed by an explosion, took us all by surprise before I could say anything. Near the beach, a dark gray tower of smoke rose, and a wave of anguished cries, "Pirates! Pirates! Pirates!” covered us.
Déjà vu. My heart stopped for a second as the scenes of my childhood filled my mind in an instant . The fear on Maiko's face, the sadistic smile of the pirates, the serious look of my father, the tears of my mother, the suffering, the loneliness.
"You three!" I pointed at my subordinates, chasing away the pain. "Take the villagers to the church, as we practice. You two, follow me."
The bells were ringing. The monk had seen the smoke and started the protocol of calling the villagers to his door. One of my men carried the little girl, while the other gathered the people and began to lead them to the church. Meanwhile, I ran away to where the commotion was coming from, followed by the other two, turning a blind eye to the Straw Hat s to focus on more pressing matters.
I was relieved to see the villagers running towards the church. The drills seemed to be working. I had to shout down the need to order one of my men to find his companions and the coast guard who seemed to have disappeared, but there wasn't time to gather them. I had to work with what I had. I arrived just as a man with two katanas was about to deliver the final blow to a father who was using his body as a shield for his family. His wife and children hugged each other behind his outstretched arms. I jumped in front of him and blocked the blow with Shigure. I surprised the swordsman, causing him to lose concentration, and took a few steps away.
"You!" I commanded one of my men. "Take the family to a safe place. And you," I faced the other. "Look around and do the same thing. I'll handle him." The marines dared to doubt. I understand they didn't want to leave me alone, God only knows what Smoker-san had told them before leaving. "Now!" but with my scream they remembered who was in charge.
I heard the chuckle of my enemy, and a chill ran up my spine. I found it strangely familiar. I faced him with Shigure in my hands, but his long, blond locks covered his face, making it difficult to see him properly. However, I could perfectly see the katanas he was holding and I was sure I knew them. But it wasn’t like I had seen them in a book, although I was pretty sure they were in the encyclopedia I carried everywhere. I felt a connection to them. My heart roared with rage. They weren't just two unknown katanas that I had to retrieve from the filthy hands of a pirate to save their beautiful spirits. They were Kurokage and Tsukihime , my father's katanas. They were mine by birthright.
"Pirate! Surrender. Put down your swords and show me your hands." It was protocol, I knew he wouldn't listen.
"Surrender." He mocked me.
Hearing his voice was like a cold slap in the face. The face of my enemy appeared in my mind like the face of a child. A child with blond hair. A child tall and thin. A child with an arrogant smile. A child who enjoyed kicking me to the ground.
"Damn you, Shinji" I hissed.
He smiled teasingly. "Do I know you?" He asked intriguingly, looking at me from head to toe while relaxing his posture, as if I wasn't an enemy worthy of his seriousness. Once again, he underestimated me. "Of course I do," he licked his upper lip. "You've grown up a bit and gained some interesting curves, ha? Bookworm" he continued, his eyes darkened by lust.
I ignored his glaze. "Why do you have my father's katanas, Shinji? How did you get them?" My teeth clenched in anger.
"They are mine, Tash Tash," he chanted. "Your father didn't know how to take care of them."
I stepped on his trap and ran towards him with Shigure. That bastard had no right to talk about my father or how he cared for his swords. I remembered that Genta and Shinji had disappeared after the pirates attacked our village, leaving their families heartbroken. They had chosen to ignore the terror the pirates had brought to our town and fled with them. In front of me, I had the chance to make one of them regret his decision and bite the dust of his treachery.
After a few blows, I knew that we had both improved. At the same time, we were more balanced, both in technique and strength, than when we were children. His two swords gave him some of an advantage against me, but my training was focused on defeating a man who fought with three swords, and that was the real challenge. Shinji was trustworthy. I could see it in his eyes. He looked at me like I was the same little girl he bullied years ago. Our swords clasped, blocking each other's attacks until I could turn and slash his cheek. As I proved to him that I was an enemy to be taken seriously, he went mad. He couldn't believe that I was the one who had landed the first blow. The fight then took a dark turn.
"I didn't want to mistreat your body before I could taste it, but you asked for it, bookworm". He sheathed Kurokage and caught me with his free hand.
It wasn't hard to break free. His strength was superior, but I knew how to use it to my advantage. I easily regained the lead and wounded him first in the stomach and then in the chest. The wounds weren't deep and he was able to stay on his feet. Each time I stabbed him, it made him a little angrier than before. He decided to use Kurokage again. His eyes were red with desire to see me suffocate in my blood. Our swords blocked each other onece again, but this time he was smarter and dropped one to get a cut on my chest. I screamed as I felt the blood rush out of my body. I tried to move away to get to a better position, but I left my back at his mercy and he hit me, causing me to fall to my knees. I kicked him to bring him down to my level, and with the fall, I think he lost the swords. I stood up and went over to him. I held Shigure by the throat and threatened him to surrender. He was at my feet. The feeling of jubilee came over me. Finally, I was able to defeat him the way I had wanted to do as a little girl.
It was at that moment that he stabbed me with the Tsukihime.
A rookie mistake. I was drowning in the whirlpool of emotions that the fight had brought upon me, taking me away from reality. I should have been more focused. As a swordswoman, I should know better; my personal feelings had nothing to do with a fight. I placed my hand on my injury. My anxious tears gathered at the corners of my eyes, and the bitter drink caused by the unexpected attack encouraged them. My thoughts tried to plunge me deep into an abyss, they wanted me to accept my faith. But my heart burned in a different direction. My blood was gushing out rabidly, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I was going to win. That was my resolution.
"Let's get this over with, bookworm," he spat at me. His posture took on an aggressive stance. "You're the same brat as always. But don't worry, when I'm done with you, I promise you'll see the stars," he threw himself at me.
I used Shigure to defend myself. Once more our swords clashed, but instead of pushing to break through my protection, Shinji jumped away from me.
"Careful!" a familiar voice warned me. The scream forced me to look in its direction as an explosion pushed me forward.
"You have to pay attention in a fight, " Zoro said, emerging from a cloud of dust. "You should know that."
"What the hell? What was that? What are you doing here?" I coughed. The pirate swordsman's body had taken most of the damage from the explosion. I felt ashamed and guilty. Because I had lost my concentration, he was forced to protect me.
Shinji's sharp voice and laugh rang strong. "Genta! Genta!" Hearing that name made me shiver. But of course, if Shinji had run away with the pirates, so had Genta. "Look what I found. A little bookworm who is dying to be taught another lesson."
"How lucky we are!" he grinned. "And she still plays with swords," he pointed out in a mocking tone. "But, hey, she's got a boyfriend to watch her back." Genta bit one of his nails and spat it out near me. When his nail hit the ground, it exploded, leaving a half meter crater. The bastard had eaten one of those devil's fruits.
"Do you know these idiots?" Zoro asked me, ignoring what Shinji and Genta were doing.
"This is my fight, Roronoa." I proclaimed with determination.
"I get it," he said, sheathing his swords as he left the battle zone. He chose a spot and sat against the wall of a crumbling house to watch the fight.
I positioned myself so that I didn't turn my back on any of them. Two against one. The two who hurt me the most when I was a child. Their blows had been physical as well as emotional. This time I couldn't lose. I had to win for myself, my mother, my father, and each of their victims. I would send them to the worst prison and I would make sure that they would never see the day of light again. Kurokage and Tsukihime would return to my hands where they should always have been and I could be at peace.
The fight was long and hard. I can't remember how many explosive nails I dodged or how many knocked me. I remember there was a time when five of them impacted me in a row. My body was shattered between Genta's explosion and Shinji's sword blows. When I managed to hit one, the other hit me back. Despite everything, I won. My mind and heart as one, carrying away the pain, letting me focus on each of my movements. I used their weakness against them, their arrogance to my advantage. "You are arrested by a bookworm," I declared to their unconscious bodies.
My body let me take my father's sword from Shinji before I passed out. My knees were the first to hit the ground and then slowly the rest of my body. I had wounds and burns all over me, some broken bones, and I didn't know if I had any blood left. Breathing was so hard. I remember thinking that maybe it wasn't so bad if this was my end. I had achieved what I had always wanted, I had recovered my father's swords and defeated my lifelong enemies, all by myself. The tears came back and once again I was that little girl who had found her parents murdered.
I could hear some footsteps around me, my eyes were blurred, but my hearing was not gone yet. Zoro’s voice begged me not to faint and ordered me to wake up. I think I smiled at him. I kn ew I shouldn't have, but I was glad that he had seen me win this fight. Maybe he would respect me a little more from now on.
"Zoro, let's go. Hurry! The navy is coming and Luffy has already finished off the other guys," a woman's voice hurriedly called to him.
Smoker-san,' I thought as I drew in an ocean of darkness. The voices were like ghosts of what I heard seconds before.
"What do I do with her?" Roronoa panicked.
"Whatever you do, do it NOW!" she shouted, her footsteps lost in the distance.
The last thing I felt before I lost consciousness and sank into a world of beautiful and heartbreaking memories were his strong arms holding me and pulling me up.
xxx
A large, rough, warm hand grabbed my shoulder. I cleared my mind, sending away the memories of the days before, and looked up to find his eyes staring at me with intrigue and concern. He had my father's swords hanging from the chain in his other hand. His eyes told me that he didn't understand what I was doing so late, awake, and in front of his place to train.
I looked at him defiantly and straightened my posture against the wall. "Don't get attached to them, Roronoa. They are mine."
"What? I already know that, Tashigi. I am just taking care of them while you recover" His face made me laugh. There, in that ship, I could allow some things. There, I was not a hunter chasing her prey. We were equals.
"You know, you never called me by my name," I was surprised hearing my own words. "You always called me ‘Copycat Lady’ or something like that." Saying it out loud made me realize how much the way he addressed me hurt me. I didn't want him to think I was trying to be someone else, I wanted him to see me for who I was .
He looked deep into my eyes, "I should have known better before." His body and face seemed to relax. "You were always Tashigi. The other day, you erased all doubts." He put my father's swords on the floor and held my shoulders with both hands. At the same time, our cheeks turned pink.
In his eyes, I found the answer to why my heart beated so hard after seeing him, or why I needed to work so hard to prove my worth to him. After so much time of knowing each other, a feeling was growing in my soul and I chose to mistake it for hate because it was so easy to hate him. But the real problem was that I was falling in love, and loving him was impossible. Our worlds were two places separated by the longest and most dangerous ocean. He was a pirate. I was a naval captain. He saw justice in his own way and had a dream to fulfill. I was certain that the path to justice came from within the navy, cleansing its ranks from corruption and ending the evil in our world. Life didn't dream of us together, except for brief moments, as fleeting as a blink of an eye. I couldn't hold back my tears, they fell from my eyes and streamed down my face. Everything was happening, every memory, every discovery that had made my heart ache. My soul cried because I missed my parents; because I was so proud of myself; because I chose to acknowledge this beautiful feeling that would only bring me sadness.
"Hey! Don't cry," he said troubled, as he took my glasses and hung them on his belt. Then, clumsily, he wiped away my tears with his big hand.
"Why not?" my answer lost him. He was as clueless as any other man. I could see, because we were so close, that my smile confused him even more. "I don't care about crying. I'm not afraid to show my tears. Crying is for the brave. You know that, right, Roronoa?" Repeating my father's words, felt like a soft hand holding my cheek.
I put my arms around his neck as I closed the distance between us. Crying was for the brave, but so was facing your feelings and doing something about them. I brushed my lips against his. Just for a brief second, he froze in shock, but immediately he responded by holding me so tightly and pressing the kiss down even more passionately.
As we pulled apart, in need of air, I saw in his eyes the same feeling I was carrying. It was bittersweet. He felt as guilty as I did. It would be wonderful to fight by his side, to train with him, and of course to defeat him. But our paths were opposite. He was a criminal and I was the one who should hunt him down. I would never leave my path for him, and he would never leave him for me. We both underst ood that perfectly.
"Don't make that face," he spat, pulling me out of my thoughts. "We still have some time together. I can teach you some moves if you want," his smile offered me more than his words and I blushed.
"My face? Do you want a mirror?" I replied and smiled at him. "Thank you, Zoro," I said softly.
I threw myself at him to hug him again. I didn't know how long we stayed like this and I didn't care. The peace and warmth I felt were all that mattered. From that night on, day and night, we looked for places and moments and took every opportunity to be together. We gave free rein to our love, we tasted it, we enjoyed it, we felt it. Because being brave doesn't mean only letting yourself cry when you have to, it means being strong enough and able to face your feelings and act on them, even if you only have a moment.