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Aventurine was off, that much Veritas could tell.
Though he kept his usual demeanor, there was a certain emptiness in his eyes and voice. And when they finally returned to their home, Aventurine closed himself off. His smile became blank, and he crawled into the bed and stared at the wall.
Veritas understood this well.
Some days, every little thing would set Aventurine off. He would lash out and scream for seemingly no reason, only to crumple and apologize not soon after. Those days, Veritas would try to be extra gentle with his lover. He knew Aventurine never meant it, and he reassured him that he still loved him.
Other days, he would go quiet. He would shut himself down and dissociate to stop himself from feeling. Those days, Veritas would still be extra gentle. After all, Aventurine needed the support he was so cruelly denied for so long. Veritas swore he would cherish his precious gem.
When Veritas entered the room, Aventurine was curled in bed, hugging his knees to his chest. Silently, Veritas padded over and sat down. Slowly, keeping his hands visible, he reached over and made a move to hold Aventurine. When the smaller man did not protest or flinch, Veritas pulled him close.
“Are you in a bad headspace, love?” Veritas murmured softly, pressing gentle kisses on the blonde locks he adored so dearly.
Aventurine hummed, looking down. He didn’t respond; he never really knew how to voice his needs. Veritas sighed, combing his fingers through the other’s hair. Slowly, he started to rock the small body in his arms.
“I’m right here, my precious one,” Veritas soothed, “I will never leave. I will never see you as a burden.”
Aventurine’s breath hitched, his grip on his lover tightening ever so slightly. Oh sweet Veritas, always offering comfort that he did not deserve. It would only be a matter of time before he would grow tired and abandon him; Aventurine was sure of this.
Sensing Aventurine’s turmoil, Veritas tightened his hold and softened his voice. “Darling, you are so strong, so amazing. I love you more than you know.”
Aventurine didn’t believe it–no, he couldn’t. How could someone so pure and whole and kind love someone like him? How can anyone love such a wretched creature? He didn’t deserve this, never will. Aventurine was a monster, destined to be alone.
Kakavasha didn’t realize he had been crying. Angry tears streamed down his face and landed directly on Veritas’ soft sweater. He quickly wiped his face, turning his face away before he could taint Veritas any more.
But Veritas was faster, gently cupping Kakavasha’s cheek and wiping the tears away with his thumb. He held the smaller man close to his chest, whispering soft words as Kakavasha quietly cried.
“It’s alright,” Veritas murmured, “you’re alright. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Yes, you will. You’ll leave. You’ll leave, and I’ll be alone. You’ll die and abandon me.
“Shhh,” Veritas whispered, “you’re safe. I’m safe. No one is going anywhere.”
Don’t leave. Please don’t leave. I can’t take it. Please.
Kakavasha made a broken noise, inhaling sharply as he clung onto Veritas if his life depended on it.
“Am I a bad child?” Kakavasha whispered, his voice so small that it broke Veritas’ heart.
“No, darling,” Veritas hushed, holding him impossibly closer, “you’re not. You’re so precious. Your family loved you.”
“But they’ve sacrificed so much just for me to turn out like this.”
“They’d be proud, Vasha. I don’t doubt that for a second.”
Kakavasha shook his head, sniffling. Would they, after all he had done? After they have been put through so much? And here he was, living a life that he did not deserve. Eating food that they could never taste.
“You deserve to be happy, my love,” Veritas murmured, as if he could hear Kakavasha’s thoughts. “You deserve nice things.”
“It’s not fair,” he sobbed. “It should’ve been me. I should’ve died.”
Veritas’ heart broke, but he proceeded to pepper kisses all over Kakavasha’s face. “No, baby. Shhh, don’t say that. I can’t imagine a life without you in it.”
“I bother you.”
“When have you ever?”
“Now.”
“Nonsense.”
Veritas kindly hushed Kakavasha, holding him close and rubbing his back. He continued rocking the smaller man, humming a sweet lullaby in hopes to calm him. It did a little, and Kakavasha at the very least quieted. His cries slowly reduced to soft sniffles, and eventually he fell limp.
Looking down, Veritas softened at Kakavasha’s sleeping face. Gently, as to not rouse him, Veritas positioned them to lay down. He curled his body around Kakavasha like a protective shell, hoping that the nightmares would leave him alone tonight.
Veritas’ fingers trailed down Aventurine’s arms, the tips of his fingers brushing against faded scars. His heart ached to see the effects of his past, both physical and mental. But here Aventurine– Kakavasha –was, in Veritas’ arms, seeking Veritas’ comfort.
He swore to do everything right. He swore that as long as he was still breathing, his precious one will never be hurt again.
“I love you, Kakavasha,” Veritas whispered. “I will always love you.”