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When Alex got the call that Frank was alive he didn't quite believe it. He'd almost thought that it was some sort of sick joke that Hudson was trying to play on him. Frank Woods, alive and well, was on his way home from Vietnam. When Alex had come back from the dead himself it had felt like an undeserved miracle. A second one? Inconceivable.
Four years. Four years of mourning and loneliness. Four years of guilt. The last image Alex had of Frank was him diving out a window, sacrificing himself for Alex. An explosion that had shattered his entire life should have signaled the end, but if there was any bastard tough enough to survive that it was Frank Woods. He'd been imprisoned this whole time going through God knows what.
Alex hadn't gotten a chance to speak to Frank at all. He had sent a letter to the hospital Frank was at, offering to let him stay with Alex while he recovered. It wasn't as if Frank had anyone else in this world. He'd gotten an extremely short response. I'll be there in two weeks. Better than a no, he had supposed. The fact that Frank seemed to want to be by his side at all was enough to make Alex's heart ache. He would sigh to himself over his coffee, trying to remind himself that it wasn't going to be the same Frank that he'd known all those years ago. God knew he hadn't been the same Alex when he had come back from Vorkuta.
Alex needed to prepare himself for them not being the same either. He wanted the two of them to be "us" again so badly. He didn't know what he'd do if Frank didn't feel the same way. The guest room was cleaned and readied for that eventuality.
Unsurity lived in Alex as Frank's arrival grew ever closer. The stress wasn't helping Alex's own mind. He'd blink away the red flashing numbers that had never fucking left him and power through. He didn't have time to be broken right now. He had his job and his life to worry about. He had Frank to worry about.
Early Saturday morning, when the birds still chirped outside and the dew still decorated the grass, two sharp knocks echoed through the house. Alex tried not to run to the door; he didn't know it was Frank, something in his gut just screamed it. He stood in front of the door and took a shaking breath before twisting the knob.
God, it was him.
Frank was alive. Alive. Duffel bag slung over his shoulder, standing on the front steps. He was painfully skinny, black hair and beard an unkempt mess, with dark circles under his eyes. It looked like he hadn't slept the entire time he'd been imprisoned. Alex couldn't believe it. Alive. He knew he was standing there dumbly but he couldn't figure out how to move.
"Hey Mason," said Frank, breaking the awkward silence.
"Hey Woods," replied Alex softly. "You gonna come in or just stand there?"
Frank followed Alex inside. He glanced around the small living room, looking lost. Alex took his bag from him and tossed it towards the stairs. The way that Frank's shoulders curled in on himself broke Alex's heart open again. What had happened to him? What had stolen that strength from him? God, what he wouldn't give to take the weight off of Frank's shoulders.
Alex tapped his fist against Frank's chest. "You bastard, you can't just leave me like that."
It wasn't enough, it didn't come close to what Alex felt, what he needed to say. No words could come close enough to describing how he felt. He threw his arms over Frank, touching him for the first time in years. Frank shook against him, and for a moment Alex thought Frank was laughing at him until the first choked sob rang through the space. Alex felt Frank shatter against him, glass thrown against a concrete wall. It was full body sobbing, the man leaning up against him like he was the only thing solid in the room.
Alex blinked back his own tears and squeezed Frank. He pulled them both over to the couch, laying down with Frank on top of him. The man clinged to Alex's shirt as he cried. Alex held on just as tightly, half scared that if he let go that Frank would disappear again. His shirt was covered in tears and snot. Alex didn't care one bit.
"It's okay," said Alex as he ran his hands over Frank's back. "You're home, I got you."
Frank thudded his head against Alex's chest in reply. It had been so long since he had had Frank on top of him he'd almost forgotten the feeling. Almost. Frank felt so much lighter than the man in his memory. His bones were too close to his skin, the points too sharp under Alex's hands. A disbelieving chorus repeated in his mind. He's alive. He's here. He's alive.
Frank's sobs turned into sniffles and sniffles turned into silence. Alex didn't make to move. He didn't have anywhere to be but right here. Keeping Frank anchored was his only goal. The man's breathing evened out as sleep took him, and Alex only let his own tears fall when he was certain that Frank wouldn't immediately wake. Was this what Frank had felt like when Alex had come back to life? Had his heart been scrubbed raw, had his soul cried out in anguished relief? Alex may never know the innermost workings of Frank Woods' mind but in this moment he had sudden clarity of every action that the man had taken all those years ago.
The long lost part of his heart had finally come home.
Alex stayed underneath Frank as the morning turned to afternoon. He didn't move until the man started to shift and wake on his own. Hollow eyes blinked up at him. Alex squeezed Frank's shoulders, taking in every new line on his face.
"You hungry?" Alex asked.
Frank shrugged. That lost look was on his face again, like he didn't know how to answer. Alex tapped Frank's back twice.
"Let's go eat. I'll make something," he said.
Frank followed him to the kitchen, a shadow clinging to Alex's back. He pulled out a chair, guiding Frank to sit before he started to pull food out of the fridge. Nothing fancy; Alex's cooking skills were basic at best. Sausages were thrown into a pan with peppers and onions. Alex turned back to look at Frank periodically to make sure the man hadn't vanished again while his back was turned. Frank only sat and stared at Alex's table, eyes tracing the lines of the wood.
He placed a plate and glass of water down in front of Frank. He sat down across from him, gesturing at Frank to eat. The man took one bite and chewed it mechanically, his eyes boring holes into the table. Alex couldn't help but watch him. He knew exactly how Frank was feeling and he wasn't sure how to help. That haunted, adrift expression still found its way onto his own face. How could Alex guide Frank through the transition back to free life when he was still finding his own way?
When Frank set down the fork after two bites of food Alex tried to gently prod him to keep eating.
"Another bite, man, and half the water, please. I'll shut up after."
Frank finally looked up at him, eyebrows pressed together. He didn't protest, though, which was a victory in and of itself. He brought the glass to his lips, taking sip. Frank made a face and pushed the glass away from himself.
"What's wrong?" Alex asked.
"It tastes too clean," rasped Frank.
Alex's heart broke all over again. Traitorous tears pricked at his eyes, tears he didn't dare let fall. One of them needed to be strong right now.
"I have juice? Coffee?" Alex offered.
Frank just shrugged again. Alex stood anyways, grabbing orange juice out of the fridge and setting a glass on the table. He got a tiny, grateful nod from Frank. Alex worked on eating his own food while keeping an eye on the other man. Frank managed a few more bites before stopping again and Alex didn't push. He understood intimately how hard it was to transition back to real food after imprisonment.
"Do you want to lay down or be up for a bit?"
"I want to lay down."
Alex nodded. He stood and grabbed Frank's half touched plate, gesturing at the stairs. "My room is on the right. Spare is on the left. I'll be up in a second."
The offer was there, hidden under layers of politeness. You can sleep with me again if you want. Frank left without a word. Alex sighed and dug around for the tin foil. Maybe Frank would be hungry later. He stared at the tap while he washed the dishes, the repetitive motions of cleaning matching his cycling thoughts. He's not going to be the same. Give him the time and grace that you didn't get. It didn't make the reality Alex was staring down any easier. His Frank was gone and what had come back from Vietnam was a pale reflection of the lively man that once was.
Alex left the dripping dishes behind and made his way up the stairs. He steeled himself for the high possibility that Frank would be in the spare room and not in Alex's own. He wasn't going to demand that Frank sleep next to him like they used to, but he would be a liar if he said he didn't crave that closeness again. His spare room was unoccupied when he looked inside it, though.
Frank was standing in Alex's room, hair wet from the shower, boxers a little too loose on his hips. From where he stood Alex could see the new mess of healing wounds that was Frank's back. He could see how sharply his shoulder blades stuck out, could almost count his ribs from this far away. The picture of what had happened to Frank was becoming ever more clear.
"Alright there, Woods?"
Frank jumped at the sound of Alex speaking. He nodded and turned back to face the bed. "I'm alright."
"Want to, uh, lay down?"
Frank nodded stiffly before he climbed onto Alex's bed. He sat staring at the door, his posture defensive. Alex approached him. He flinched when Alex's gentle hands touched him but he didn't move to push the man off of him. Alex helped guide Frank under the covers before he leaned back.
"Do you want me to stay?" Alex asked softly.
"Can you? At least until I'm asleep," said Frank quietly. "I don't want to keep you."
"Of course. You're not keeping me. Want space?" Alex wanted nothing more than to hold Frank in his arms again but the way that he had flinched under Alex's touch made him hesitate.
"This is fucking stupid but can you just sit and watch the door?"
"Not stupid."
Alex climbed onto the bed next to Frank, turning his back on the man, looking at his own door into the hallway. If Frank needed someone watching his six to rest easy Alex would do that every night until he died. He sat over the covers so he didn't accidentally brush up against Frank's skin. He sat in the quiet until he heard the man behind him start to snore.
Alex wasn't sure if he should leave Frank alone or not. He didn't want to go, but he didn't want to intrude on Frank's space. Alex wouldn't suffocate Frank if he could help it. He sighed and decided to stay. He retrieved another blanket and laid on top of the covers so they didn't accidently touch.
Alex was drifting off to sleep when Frank started to thrash next to him. His arms swung wildly as he tried to get the blankets off of him. Alex did his best to help, taking a hand hard to the stomach while Frank cursed.
"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck!"
"Hey, hey, ow! Hey! Frank, you're okay, you're okay, Jesus."
"Fuck, Al? Shit," said Frank. Palefaced and clammy, the man looked like he was back in the hell he'd escaped. "I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't," lied Alex.
Neither of them could look at the other, both trying to figure out what to do. Frank was in such obvious pain and Alex didn't know if his help would be welcome. He steeled himself, fixing his face to as kind an expression as he could manage.
"Do you want me to…?" He trailed off as he nodded at the door.
"No, I…I don't know."
Alex nodded and thought. He opened his arms, a question clear on his face. Frank crawled to lay with him and sighed. Alex tried to be conscious of Frank's healing back but it felt so right to hold him like this again.
"Al?"
"Yeah?"
"I need you to promise me that we're the only ones here."
Alex nodded against the other man's head. "It's just us. The doors are locked. I swear it." He could feel a shudder go through Frank, but the man relaxed into his hold nonetheless. "Blankets?"
"Yeah."
He fished around the tangled mess of sheets and blankets to straighten them out. Alex covered the both of them, the pair shifting to get comfortable. It would take some time for Alex's heart rate to drop again and he wasn't certain that he could fall asleep this early in the night. Frank needed him by his side, however. There wasn't anywhere else on this Earth that Alex needed than to be than here.