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"Is 'Hikaru' home ?"
Yoshiki was welcomed by 'Hikaru's mother, who let him know 'Hikaru' was in his room.
"Still playing games ?"
"Wanna join me ?"
'Hikaru' was the most happy at Yoshiki's visit. He stopped gaming and gave his full attention to the one who sat at the small table, facing him.
Yoshiki breathed in, then put on the table what he brought with him, pushing it towards a confused 'Hikaru'.
"What's that ?"
"Open it ."
With no further questions, 'Hikaru' did as he was told, opening the sealed envelope inside wich he found a paper he silently read until he reached the most important part and he let out a scream of joy.
"Yoshiki ! Ya did it ! Yar accepted !!!"
Yoshiki was about to let out a sigh of relief when he had 'Hikaru' jump on him, giving him the tightest hug.
"Ya worked so hard for this !! I knew ya'd do it !"
Yoshiki lifted his arms to return the hug, only for them to fall flat by his sides, it was hard for him to fake it.
"We gotta tell everyone and celebrate together !!"
"Don't have time for that, i gotta prepare myself .."
The lack of reaction from Yoshiki forced 'Hikaru' to pull away and stare at the boy in his arms.
"Ya look sad, why ?"
"It ain't sadness, just a little anxious about what's next ."
Yoshiki didn't want to admit that he was sad, and no, it wasn't because he didn't want to go to Tokyo, but part of him hoped that even if it was just a little, 'Hikaru' would be upset about the news ...
Yet here was 'Hikaru', even happier than the one who succeeded, holding him tight into his embrace.
"What are ya talkin' about !! Forget about that and be happy ! Enjoy the moment ! I'm so proud of ya !"
A lame thanks was all that escaped Yoshiki's lips, soon pulling away and taking the envelope.
"Imma go home to let them know ."
"Ya didn't tell them yet ?"
"Yar the first person who knows ."
Yoshiki liked to ignore that the real reason why he told 'Hikaru' before anyone else, was that, he considered the eventuality of 'Hikaru' asking him not to leave, thus he would just tell everyone that he failed.
For 'Hikaru', he was ready to give up on his goal, on his future, on everything, and he hated that part about himself, because here was 'Hikaru', supporting him more than anyone else.
Drowning in his thoughts, he didn't notice the blush painting 'Hikaru's cheeks when he learned that he was the first to know about the news.
"It makes sense since the envelope was sealed ... ah right ! Ya should post it on social media to let everyone know !"
"I will ."
"And get rid of that gloomy mood !"
'Hikaru' followed Yoshiki out of his room, his hands on Yoshiki's shoulders, massaging them to help him relax.
"Get excited ! Ya'll be moving to Tokyo ! As ya always wanted !"
Yoshiki was glad 'Hikaru's mother heard their talk and joined them to congratulate him, only then he got to go back to his place, this whole situation leaving him bitter.
His parents and little sister were just as happy and proud of him, though, a little worried about him leaving to a new city, as any parent would.
His mother made sure to inform her sister that Yoshiki will be spending the first days at her place before he finds a place of his own while Yoshiki used informing his friends as an excuse to lock himself in his room.
He sat on his bed, with the paper in his hand, he should be happy, he worked so hard for this, everyone was so supportive, he'll finally get to leave this village where he never felt welcomed, he should be the happiest !
Yet why did he feel like crying ?
'Hikaru' was no human, he wouldn't lie to him just to make him feel better, he wouldn't hide his feelings the way his parents did, he wouldn't support his decision to leave while keeping his sadness to himself the way Hikaru used to do. If he ever had anything on his mind, he wouldn't hesitate to say it.
No, there was nothing wrong about 'Hikaru' supporting him, or being so happy about him leaving, this was what Yoshiki has always wanted. But-
"He did say i should post about it on sns ."
Yoshiki put the paper on the bed then took his phone, ready to take said picture, until he saw droplets of water run through the phone screen down to the paper, wetting it. Those were his tears.
He brought his hand to his face, wiping the tears, he shouldn't be crying, he shouldn't be selfish, but at heart, he wished 'Hikaru' would be sad, would ask him not to go ... "And then i would go anyway ."
Yoshiki laughed at himself, at the self absorbed prick he was.
He laughed, as he cried, as he cursed himself. In the end, he never posted about it on sns.
☆
It was a cold evening, 'Hikaru' didn't hear from Yoshiki since that day so he thought of paying him a visit.
"Aaaaah ya already packed all yer stuff ?? And i who thought i'd give ya a hand .."
"Yar too late ..."
Yoshiki smiled, he liked to believe he was done overthinking all that happened and was ready to leave.
"So yar taking everything with ya ?"
"Nah, i'll go to my aunt's first so i'll take only what's necessary, once i move to live on my own, i'll come back and take what's left ."
'Hikaru' eyed all the boxes in the room until something caught his attention, he didn't wait to head towards it and shield it with his body.
"Ya didn't pack these Manga volumes yet so i can still take them- lucky !"
"I left them out for ya, ya idiot ."
The two laughed then 'Hikaru' joined Yoshiki and sat by his side, the Manga volumes still in his arms to make sure Yoshiki doesn't change his decision about leaving them to him.
"When are ya leaving ?"
"After tomorrow ."
"Yer family's going with ya ?"
"They gotta work that day so we'll have our farewells at home then imma take a cab and go to the train station on my own ."
"Is that so ..."
'Hikaru' seemed to be absorbed in his thoughts, that was when it crossed Yoshiki's mind, the wish he had for so long.
But then again, he smiled at himself, 'Hikaru' was 'Hikaru', if he ever wanted something, he would be honest about it "If he ever wanted to go with me, he would say so .."
Yoshiki was sure, there was no need to ask him if he wanted to go to Tokyo with him.
"Then tomorrow, i'll let ya have the day with yer family but after tomorrow, i'll go with ya to the train station and be the one to see ya off ! Deal ?"
Yoshiki let out a sigh, he could never have any hard feelings against him, not when 'Hikaru's happiness for him was the purest.
"Deal ."
☆
The departure day was cold, too cold. It snowed on the cab waiting for Yoshiki to come out.
He was in the house, enjoying the hugs he shared with his family, unlike what he believed in his edgy teen days, he knew he would miss them.
'Hikaru' stood aside and watched the emotional farewells then turned his gaze to Kaoru who stood by his side.
"Aren't ya gonna miss yer Onii-chan ? I can tell ya wanna cry ."
"I won't cry, i gotta work hard to be able to join him ."
"Join him ..." 'Hikaru' thought of these words a little too long when Yoshiki interrupted his thoughts, it was time to go.
Inside the car, he waved at his parents and little sister, even when the cab was leaving, he looked back, he was really going to miss them.
"If ya told the others i'm sure they'd come to see ya off ."
"I'll let them know when i get there, maybe i'll take a pic there and post it ."
"Ya wanna make them all jealous~"
"Would ya also get jealous ? And want to come to Tokyo ..." was what Yoshiki wanted to ask, but he kept it to himself, there was no need to make the day sadder than it was.
Silence soon reigned inside the cab, 'Hikaru' could tell Yoshiki was anxious, so he chose not to bother him, he himself, was busy processing that join him part, there was something about it.
As he glanced at Yoshiki who had his eyes at the window, taking in the scenery of their snowy village one last time, he realized it wasn't just something, this was a feeling, and it was not a pleasent one.
Their trip to the train station took long to come to an end, they left the cab, with 'Hikaru' pulling the suitcase while Yoshiki had the backpack.
The train was there, Yoshiki will soon have to get inside, there wasn't much time left, and here came the most difficult part.
"Make sure to call when yar there ."
"Ya also tell me if anything happens, especially if it's about the impurities, or you .."
"Roger that !"
Yoshiki took his suitcase from 'Hikaru' then walked one step ahead before he turns around to face him, he started to feel his lips quiver, he had to get ahold of himself.
"Well then, see ya ."
"Yeah, goodbye ..."
This didn't feel like the right thing to say for 'Hikaru', that stingy feeling was still lingering in his chest, he didn't like it, and he hated the way Yoshiki looked like he was about to break down, right there and then.
What happened instead was something 'Hikaru' could have never predicted. For the first time in his life, Yoshiki chose not to mind those eyes, he ignored those stares, and everyone around. For once, he was the one to make the first step.
In a split second, he let go of his suitcase, not minding it falling down, and had 'Hikaru' right between his arms, held tight in his embrace. He wished this moment could last forever.
"Take care ."
The realization was too sudden, it felt like the most painful punch right in the middle of his face.
'Hikaru' gazed at Yoshiki.
Yoshiki was about to leave.
And then ?
This whole time, he thought of Yoshiki, he supported Yoshiki, he was happy for Yoshiki, but ...
What will become of me ?
They won't get to game together, they won't get to read Manga together, they won't get to be together. In the next day, Yoshiki won't be there.
'Hikaru' wasn't aware of his reality until he noticed Yoshiki staring back at the hand grabbing his jacket. It was 'Hikaru's hand, he was holding him back.
I don't want you to leave, i don't want to be alone, i want to spend more time with you, all this life with you, by your side, stay, or at least, let me come with you, please, i beg you, don't leave me-
"Have a nice trip ."
... was all that came out.
Both could hear the announcement that the train was ready to leave. The few steps Yoshiki took from 'Hikaru' to the train were the heaviest.
Once inside with the doors shut, Yoshiki wanted to turn around, wave at him, smile at him, one last time.
The train started to move, he wanted to take at least one last glimpse.
But all he saw as he turned, were the tears streaming down 'Hikaru's face.