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This must be what humans call depression.
Five months since Yoshiki left, and 'Hikaru' found himself discovering a whole new palette of emotions.
Sadness. Sorrow. Loneliness. Grief. Emptiness.
This was all Yoshiki left behind.
They have been sharing calls from now and then, but how could that ever equal having Yoshiki by his side, hearing his voice, seeing his smile, holding his hand, feeling his warmth.
To 'Hikaru', the summer of this year was cold. He was supposed to take over the family business but he had no will to achieve anything.
For him, he had no place to belong to. He was lost. Only his regrets were left.
I should have told him to stay.
I should have holden him back.
I should have asked to go with him.
His legs carried him all the way to the beach where he once told Yoshiki he wanted to go back to the mountains. Yoshiki didn't hesitate, he held him back, he told him not to leave.
I should have done the same.
When his phone rang and he read Maki's name on the screen, he didn't want to pick up, he didn't want to talk to anyone, but at the third consecutive call, he found himself answering.
"What is it ?"
"Where is the hello, how are ya ? Aren't ya at home ?"
"No ."
"Then where are ya ? I wanted to see ya, been a while since last time ."
"I'm in the beach ."
"Beach ??? Which one ?"
'Hikaru' gave him his exact location, which he regreted as soon as he ended the call, now he had to deal with an extra loud and noisy Maki on top of his messed up feelings.
He sat on the sand and watched the sun set. To most people, it was an ethereal sight, but to lonely 'Hikaru', it would be beautiful only if Yoshiki was by his side.
He was alone on that beach, the sound of the waves covering any little noise around him. Reason why, he didn't feel them at all, when he suddenly had his three highschool friends jump on his back.
"Surprise !"
"What- are y'all doing here ?!!"
'Hikaru' stood with them, confused as to why they were standing so close to his face with Asako being right in the middle, as she was the tallest.
"We didn't meet all together since we graduated, so we thought this was the best occasion ."
"We got ya a gift too~"
Maki added, all three grinning from ear to ear while pulling aside, finally revealing what they were trying to hide.
It was Yoshiki.
Yoshiki was standing there, facing 'Hikaru'.
'Hikaru' was agape.
'Hikaru' teared up.
He quickly covered his eyes, wiping them, tears weren't the only thing that threatened to spill out.
"He's so moved after meeting us he might cry ."
Maki was the one to make the comment, Asako and Yuuki giving him a look that said It surely ain't because of ya he got emotional.
Yoshiki wished the others weren't there so that he gets to be more comfortable around 'Hikaru', this was his initial plan, but after he came back, thinking he would surprise 'Hikaru' by visiting his place, he didn't find him there, and his family didn't know where he was.
He was forced to call Maki only to ask about 'Hikaru', but Maki had to come up with all this plan about meeting together.
"It's already night time so let's get it done ."
The group listened to Yoshiki's words, Asako going back to her car to turn it on and use it's lights to see around, while Yuuki and Maki showed 'Hikaru' what they had with them.
"We brought food ."
"And fireworks ! We're gonna have fun !"
Yoshiki was about to help them organize the space they were going to use but he stopped when he noticed 'Hikaru' move to stand by his side, lightly and hesitantly, brushing fingers against hand.
"Are ya ... really here ?"
'Hikaru' had to touch him to believe that yes, Yoshiki was right there, by his side. He felt his imaginary heart jump inside his chest when Yoshiki gave him the gentlest smile, nodding at him.
"Yes, i'm really here ."
Even while eating their food, complimenting Yuuki for her tasty cooking, and talking about what they did after graduating, Yoshiki and 'Hikaru' would always find themselves glancing at each other. They were in their own little world.
"I can't wait ! I'm too excited for the fireworks !!"
Maki wasted no more time to take them out and get the lighter, not minding Yuuki's comment.
"Yar supposed to be acting like an adult now ."
"A real man is one who doesn't reject his inner child ."
Yuuki facepalmed while Asako was lost because she was just as excited for the fireworks as Maki but didn't want to show it not to get scolded by Yuuki.
Soon, they were all away from the empty plates, laughing and shouting in joy at the fireworks. To 'Hikaru', this was the best the chance, he made sure not to pull anyone's attention as he went behind Yoshiki, whispering a quick Come with me, and the two left when the others were busy with the beautiful explosions.
'Hikaru' headed straight behind the car where was total darkness and the second Yoshiki joined him, he was shoved against the car, 'Hikaru' throwing himself into his arms, holding his body tight.
"Still can't believe yar here ."
"It's okay, i'm right here ."
Yoshiki hugged him, slowly running his hand over back to soothe him. Both were blushing, both were embarrassed, but both knew the time they spent away from each other changed the way they view one another, and their relationship together.
Their bond was stronger, their feelings more passionate.
They didn't part away, at some point, Yoshiki would swear 'Hikaru' was fondling him, not letting go until they heard Maki shout their names, looking for them.
When they came back acting all fidgety, Asako and Yuuki got the situation and had Maki join them to return everything to the car, giving the two more time on their own.
They sat on the sand and watched the starry sky reflect on the waves, 'Hikaru' could finally think of the view as ethereal, now that Yoshiki was with him.
He still drove his gaze from the sea to the one sitting by his side, because to him, Yoshiki will always be more ethereal.
"Why did ya come back ?"
"To take all my stuff, i found a place where i can live on my own, i can finally move out of my aunt's apart ."
"Ya didn't tell me when we talked ."
"Wanted to surprise ya ."
'Hikaru' was restless, he had only one thought on his mind and it was showing.
"When ... are ya going back ?"
"Tomorrow-"
"That's too soon !"
Yoshiki was no different, he also had only one wish, the one he regretted not saying before he left, similar to 'Hikaru's regret.
They both bit on their bottom lips, but they weren't going to show any more reluctance, the months they spent away from each other are enough !
"Wanna go with me-" "Can i go with you-"
Both lines were said simultaneously, their eyes opening wide as they realized they have been thinking of the exact same thing.
They blushed, but they weren't going to back away.
"I- will finally move to my own place so ya can come-"
"I want !"
"But ya gotta first talk it out with yer family-"
"I will !"
"Plus ya may not like it there-"
"I'll love it !"
Both had to breathe in and out, everything was happening too fast, Yoshiki letting out a quick sigh to get back to his talking, he had a suggestion.
"My parents and Kaoru are soon coming to visit me so, ya can come with them and see if ya like it there, by that time, ya'd have talked to yer family about it too .."
"Yeah, let's do that ."
They may be in their bashfulness, but they still found it in them to share loving smiles, both knew their relationship wasn't as it used to be anymore.
Both wanted more.
Both wanted it all.
The moment their hands were about to meet, they quickly pulled away at Maki calling them again, he truly had the worst timing.
Everything was back in the car, it was time for them to leave.
"Watch out 'Hikaru', Asako's driving is awful she almost got us killed on our way here-"
"I'm soooooorrrrrryyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!"
Asako was about to cry, Yuuki taking her defense as always.
"She got her driving license only recently so cut her some slack, plus her driving is just fine ."
The three boys in the back laughed, with Yoshiki sitting in the middle, Maki on his left and 'Hikaru' on his right.
"He doesn't know i can't die ..." was what 'Hikaru' whispered into Yoshiki's ear while the others were busy arguing over what music they should listen to.
The two now adults, sure took advantage of the darkness to hide their intertwining hands.
☆
In the next day, Yoshiki had a truck take all his boxes and everything he left there, while he decided to take the train to get to his new place first.
'Hikaru' wasn't alone to see him off at the train station, his parents, little sister, three friends, everyone was there, thus why they couldn't share any honest words, or a tight hug.
But the looks they had and the smiles they shared as Yoshiki walked into the train then turned to wave at them- him, spoke louder than any words they could have said.