Chapter Text
September 1 st
HHATS FR!!!!
Hiccup: Alrighty gang, who's ready to kickstart our first year at The Edge?
Snotlout: its four am shut your mouth
Hiccup: Okay, okay, point taken.
Hiccup: Ok, it’s 6:30 and we’re leaving in half an hour, some of you must be up now.
Fishlegs: Up and getting ready!
Ruffnut: ughh
Astrid: i’m awake honey xxxx o7
Snotlout: eww get a room
Fishlegs: You’re just jealous of your profound lack of romance.
Snotlout: WHATEVER, we’re going to university now. i’m gonna find someone.
Heather: guys. please shut up.
Heather: i am on an early morning shift at beserker mall
Heather: its chaos
Ruffnut: OMG THEY’RE BESERKKK 😍💪
Heather: that’s one qy to piw ir
Heather: one way to put it
Astrid: girl go get your morning coffee, i’m getting mine
Heather: gotta have it. it’s an unusually rough crowd this morning, and how else will i SING at guys?
Hiccup: I’m sorry, why sing in caps?
Astrid: it’s an acronym! SING- solar plexus, in-step, nose, groin. it’s how you take down guys :)
Snotlout: except us guys on this chat because you love us ;)
Astrid: sorry, married to my morning coffee xox
Hiccup: This dependence on caffeine isn’t healthy. For any of you.
Snotlout: you’re one to talk mr I Cannot Function Without An Espresso
Hiccup: Yeah, well there's that and there's you guys.
Hiccup: I’m pretty sure I heard Tuffnut screaming on the roof last night.
Ruffnut: oh yeah...
Ruffnut: yeah, that was him, he was high now hes in a comedown
Hiccup: ON THE FIRST DAY OF UNIVERSITY?!?
Tuffnut: heyh giyus i sory im haiii :3 😚😚😚😘😘😙😘😄😘😄😭😙😍
Hiccup: i can’t even with you lot.
Hiccup: Tuffnut please be okay.
Tuffnut: I WILO DI MU BEST HICVSTER!!!!
Astrid: babe do you need your morning coffee while i’m out?🫶🏽
Hiccup: Yes please honey, thank you so much if you could <3
Astrid: the usual i take it?
Snotlout: OOH i know!! is it... depresso espresso?
Astrid: no, snotlout, no.
Astrid: black coffee with a shot of caramel cinnamon syrup, with almond not dairy milk
Astrid: so unless you think you know hiccup better than me, stfu🖕🏽
Snotlout: I GREW UP WITH HIM!?! HE’S LITERALLY MY COUSIN??
Astrid: and he’s my boyfriend, your point?
Tuffnut: ROOKAYANANANOOOOHH
Tuffnut: papoo :)/
Hiccup: Everyone who needs meds, have you packed them?
Ruffnut: OH SHIT
Fishlegs: Yep! They’re in my day bag :)
Tuffnnut: YESSIOR
Ruffnut: nvm ive got them
Hiccup: And a bottle of water for the journey?
Five people reacted 👍
Astrid: babe you are driving right?
Hiccup: Yeah?
Astrid: whos riding shotgun and can it please be me?
Astrid: i do not feel like being squished next to snotlout
Ruffnut: i am not sitting on the literal floor of the car for four hours
Fishlegs: Guys, for goodness’s sake, just get ready. We'll sort it when the rest of you get to Dagur's house.
Fishlegs: Pancakes are downstairs, one each, you can only have them if you have a piece of fruit, I will check.
Snotlout: yes mom.
Ruffnut: kinky 😏
Snotlout: RUFFNUT EW
Tuffnut: PANKAMDE
Tuffnut: PANCKSJ
Ruffnut: pancakes bro
Tuffnut: HPW DO I TBNR CPAS LOKC OFF
Ruffnut: hand me your phone you idiot
Heather: COFFEE ML you are a lifesaver
Astrid: you feeling better?
Heather: yea!! i only want to kms 20% rather than the initial 50!!! 😃
Astrid: heather what were we talking about on facetime at three am last night?
Heather: that suicidality is not something to joke about and, though dark humour is a healthy coping mechanism, prioritising our recovery is more important?
Hiccup: Great chat guys! I hope you slept.
Heather: oh hiccup you sweet summer child
Heather: no :)
Hiccup: So, when you all said you’d be ‘right behind me’ after I went to bed early from Tuff’s Pirate Cinema Night, you were all lying?
Heather: yep
Astrid: yep (sorry honey i still love you xxxx)
Ruffnut: yeah
Dagur: yeah lol
Tuffnut: YWAHJ O WAD DOUNG WEEFD SRRY
Fishlegs: Yeah, sorry, I was doing some last minute reading.
Ruffnut: yeah, of your entire textbook
Snotlout: hiccup. we’ve lived together at dagurs for six months now.
Snotlout: you should be used to this
Hiccup: And my current migraine begs to differ.
Astrid: coming with the tylenol and cold packs honey 🫶🏽❤️
Hiccup: Thanks honey I love you too <33
Tuffnut: I LIOTRERALLY HEART HIM SWY MARRY ME UNDER HIS BREAHT
Heather: AJHSDDHFJDSHSKDHJDH
Hiccup: How?!?
Tuffnut: WE ARE GIONNA BW ROOMEES HICCY I HAVW A SICTH SENSE FOR UR WHEREABOYTS AT AL TIOMES
Hiccup: Not creepy at all, dude.
Hiccup: Literally guys this is the last call before I leave you at Dagur's.
Hiccup: I am in the car.
Hiccup: I will leave.
Snotlout: he wont
Fishlegs: Roll call: Hiccup, me, Astrid, Snotlout
Astrid: FFS where are the twins???
Hiccup: We’re leaving without you guys.
Snotlout: he hasnt budged
Fishlegs: He might be able to leave if the twins weren’t so hell-bent on procrastinating...
Hiccup: Great. Now we’re going to be late
Astrid: honey. breathe. i can see you stress texting. we’ll be alright <3
Ruffnut: JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY!!!
Hiccup: Oh so NOW you decide to message?? Get out of the house before I drag you!!
Ruffnut: omw. might have to drag tuff tho. idk if hes awake.
Hiccup: Oh for God’s sake.
“Are we nearly there yet?”
“Shut up Snotlout.”
“Fishlegs, if you dare play that Miley Cyrus song again, I swear-”
“If you won’t behave with the aux cord, I’m passing it over, Tuffnut.”
“I want it!”
“Not a chance in the burning pits of hell will I give you the aux cord.”
“What about me?”
“Snotlout, you will not have the aux cord, I am so sick of 100 gecs-”
“What’s wrong with 100 gecs?”
“You know what? If none of you can agree on music, then we’ll sit in silence,” Astrid said, finally cutting the chaos short.
Hiccup sighed to himself. He had vainly hoped the arguing would stop once they were on the road. He was very wrong.
Thankfully, after ten minutes, the others had given up on screaming ‘INTO THE GREAT BEYOND’ at the top of their lungs, and he’d been content to have his earbuds blasting Godspeed You!Black Emperor until he couldn’t hear the anxiety in his head. Luckily, everyone kept their cool, even with Snotlout in the backseat doing everything possible to get on everyone’s nerves, like playing TV girl at top volume, and asking ‘are we nearly there yet?’ every ten minutes.
Toothless - being the good boy he was - sat calmly on Hiccup's lap, snoozing. Astrid's blue and gold macaw Stormfly sat on her lap in her travel cage, as did Meatlug with Fishlegs. Snotlout's crested gecko Hookfang, and the twins’ bearded dragons were safely in their vivariums in the boot of the car.
“Are we nearly there yet?” Snotlout whined.
“Snotlout, for the last time,” Hiccup said, yanking out his earbuds, “we have been on the road for half an hour, and we’re driving to Washington. It will take a while.”
“It’s been one and a half hours, dude,” Ruffnut complained. “I’ve listened to the entire director’s cut of Wallsocket with room to spare.”
Hiccup checked his phone. Shit. It was 9:41. And they left at 8:04.
“Okay, so we’ve had a couple of tough hours. Nothing that’s worth anything comes easy.”
“Is that one of your riddles?” Tuffnut said, smacking Hiccup on the back of his head. “Because now is not the time, my friend. My aching head can’t decipher your magic words right now.”
“Tuffnut, just take an Advil and shut up,” Astrid said. Tuffnut opened his mouth to ask where they were, and Fishlegs handed him the first aid bag.
So yes, Hiccup had been drowning in chaos for one hour and thirty seven minutes. But the car wasn’t on fire, and no one was dead, or injured. All in all, he considered it a success for the first chunk of the three-and-a-half hour journey.
Until everything, as it inevitably did with their group, went horribly wrong.
First, they got stuck in traffic. Not ideal, but - if Hiccup was being honest - it wasn’t a big deal. He made sure they left more than enough time to get there with all the hold ups life could throw. Hiccup didn’t know what hold ups exactly, but he was pretty certain it would happen.
Plus, he was used to chaos; the wobbly uncertainty of walking on eggshells and tilting platforms was second nature. So the delay barely phased him.
Then, there was a road accident.
They weren’t involved, thankfully. It wouldn’t have surprised Hiccup if they were, knowing their infamous bad luck. A truck, apparently carrying farm animals, had run into a pole, and stopped three lanes of traffic.
But their group complained like they were in the accident anyway.
Hiccup was torn between ignoring them, and yelling at them.
“Guys, please be quiet,” he said to no avail. “Be thankful we weren't in it.”
“Wonder if someone died,” Ruffnut said vaguely. “Bet that's some scary ass shit.”
Before Hiccup had the chance to respond, one of the thin windows of the truck cracked open, and out came a few chickens.
And then everything happened far too fast.
A chicken broke away from the flock and wandered into the road, clucking innocently. A car came speeding towards it.
Tuffnut scrambled over Astrid’s shoulder, and wrenched the car door open, dashing after it.
“Tuffnut, NO! ” Hiccup screamed. He flung the car door open, and stretched his hand towards him. “Get back here right now!”
“Hang on bro, I’m coming!” Ruffnut yelled, following after him. Hiccup let out a groan of despair.
“ NO ONE GET OUT OF THE CAR! ” Astrid shouted. Snotlout and Fishlegs nodded, stunned.
Ignoring the beeping horns, Tuffnut scooped the chicken into his arms, and started sprinting back. Ruff turned on her heel, grabbing her twin’s arm, and scrambled into the car.
The truck driver yelled at them, shaking his fist in fury. Hiccup cringed.
Please just leave them alone. Today was not the ideal day for a lawsuit, and Hiccup had some stress limit.
“Get in, get in!” Everyone screamed. Astrid grabbed Tuffnut by the arm, and pulled. The twins collapsed in, and didn’t bother with seatbelts.
Finally, the light turned green. Hiccup pushed hard on the accelerator, and made a break for the turning off.
For a moment, no one spoke as he sped down the road. Then Hiccup said, through clenched teeth, “what... the hell were you thinking?”
“The chicken was going to die!” Tuffnut said, clutching the animal to his chest as he clambered back into the boot seat.
“Tuff, you do realise you’ve committed a crime?” Snotlout said. “Like... an actual felony?”
“Technically, I saved Chicken’s life.”
“Did you seriously name a chicken Chicken?”
“She still doesn’t belong to you-”
“Well whoever had her didn’t deserve her if they’re gonna-”
“Would you just shut up? ” Astrid chipped in.
“Who wants lunch?” Fishlegs yelled over the din, unzipped the cool bag, and began handing out tupperwares.
“Uh... it’s nine in the morning,” Tuffnut deadpanned.
“Breakfast then.” Fishlegs took a bite, as did everyone else. Egg and sausage rolls, courtesy of Dagur. They’d really miss his cooking. With Heather at UCLA, and Hiccup, Fishlegs and Snotlout as the only three remaining competent cooks (competent meaning, trusted not to burn the kitchen down), getting good nutrition would be a challenge.
“ Ew! ” Snotlout grimaced, holding something red and waxy in his thumb and pinky finger. “Why did Dagur pack something inedible?”
“You’re not supposed to eat it, dumbass,” said Ruffnut.
“That’s what inedible means , muttonhead,” Astrid seethed.
“Hey, isn’t that a Babybel wrapper?” Tuffnut added, leaning over Snotlout’s shoulder.
“Snotlout, here’s a question,” Hiccup said, smiling very sarcastically, “why would you eat the Babybel wrapper in the first place?”
“Tuffnut said it was edible!” Snotlout whined. Behind him, Tuffnut snickered.
“Snotlout... when have you ever listened to anyone before?” Hiccup said, although he didn’t really care about Snotlout’s response.
“Nevermind you, Hiccup.” Snotlout glared at him, and - without looking - pulled a small, brown notebook from his sleeve. “Snotlout’s Guide to University Life and Living. Rule number one: do not eat the babybel wrapper.”
“We’re not gonna last a day out here,” Hiccup mumbled.
“Hiccup, chill.” Fishlegs said. He smiled, and pointed to the map. “We’re almost there.”
Breathe. Just like my therapist said, Hiccup thought.
“Playlist, anyone?”
“As long as it’s not your weird emo shit,” Ruffnut said.
“No,” Hiccup rolled his eyes, “it’s our driving playlist. The summer one.”
“YES!” Everyone cheered.
He connected the aux cord and pressed play.
Indigo music filled the car. “Load up on guns, bring your friends. It’s fun to lose, and to pretend.”
“This song sucks , why are we listening to it?” Snotlout complained, folding his arms.
“Because the twins are banned from the aux chord after the queef jerky incident of last June, Fishlegs only likes the radio, my data’s dead, and your taste is garbage,” Astrid said all in one breath.
Snotlout - still holding his glare at Astrid - whipped the pen out of the pages of his book, and wrote:
“Rule number two: do not pass Hiccup the aux cord.”
“Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello...”
For six people, a cat, a parrot, two bearded dragons, a red crested gecko, a pug, and a stray chicken, they were all surprisingly quiet as they drove up to The Edge University.
“With the lights out, it's less dangerous.”
“Here we are now, entertain us!”
“The website photos did not do this place justice,” Ruffnut said.
It was unlike anything they had ever seen before. The building was something out of a fairytale, with ornate windows and russet-red bricks stretching at least five stories high. Four powerful poles held up a magnificent crest of alabaster carvings overhanging the marble steps below.
Everyone was silent, stunned by the majesty of the building. If the car wasn’t going slowly along a straight road, Hiccup would have driven into a ditch.
“Holy...” Tuffnut said.
“Moly...” Ruffnut said.
“Guacamole,” Snotlout finished.
“Are you sure this is the right building?” Tuffnut said, stroking Chicken’s back feathers. “Is this... The Edge?”
“Yeah.” Hiccup laughed in disbelief. “This is The Edge.”
“I know, right? We made it, Hiccup! We made it!” Astrid cried, unusually joyful.
“We're really here,” Snotlout whispered in wonder.
And far from my dad, Hiccup added in his head.
Something seemed to open in his chest. It felt like freedom.
They parked, checked in (finally!) and met their tour guide.
“I am Eret: son of Eret,” he introduced himself with a flourish. “I’m a college senior, I run the off-campus falconry centre, and I am going to be your tour guide.”
As he showed them around campus - and Ruffnut snapped photos at every new thing - he talked a lot about himself. They learned his father ran a bank, he owned a Harris Hawk who could snatch a rodent from air while diving, and he was enrolling in the military after he finished his economics degree.
Eret then showed them to an area called the ‘Clubhouse’, where they were free to socialise, snack, and chill.
“And last on the tour are your dorm rooms. Here,” he handed them out, “are your keys. Lock the doors at all times. Especially when you are out.”
“Yeah, okay,” Tuffnut said vaguely, shoving his key into his jeans pocket.
They gathered around a set of three doors along the corridor: 700, 702, 704. Hiccup cemented them in his brain.
“Well don't just stand there waiting, make yourselves at home!” He laughed. “The canteen opens for food at five. I personally don't recommend the soup.”
Hiccup nodded. “Thank you so much, Eret.”
“No problem. Just doing my job.” He saluted the group, and left.
“So, guys, shall we-
“Holy shit!-”
“We have beds!-”
“Uh... I sure hope we do.”
“I HAVE A FRIDGE! ALL TO MYSELF!”
Hiccup laughed to himself, as he joined his friends in looking around their new home.
“These... are really our dorms?” Snotlout gaped in disbelief. “They are so-”
“Ugly,” Tuffnut finished. “Oh well, let’s unpack.”
Snotlout pulled the book from his jumper pocket, and wrote ‘rule number three: set low expectations for everything.’
“Hey, is there supposed to be a snake in our toilet?” Ruffnut asked casually.
“ I’ll deal with it! ” Hiccup yelled, sprinting to the bathroom.
Chicken ruffled her feathers, and pecked at Astrid’s bag. She snatched it away, but Tuff shot out a hand to stop her, shaking his head. “Just ignore her, or she’ll form a grudge.” Then, he picked Chicken up under his arm and wandered off like he’d already had her for decades.
“I can’t believe this is going to be my life,” Astrid huffed, dumping her bag in her room.
“Hey, it’s... not so bad,” Hiccup said. “We’ll get settled, unpack, then get dinner, and we’ll see from there, okay? Sound like a plan?”
Unanimously, they all nodded and ‘yeah’-ed.
Wow. Hiccup was shocked. They all agreed on something. That has literally never happened before, he thought.
He sighed, letting his shoulders relax, and headed for his and Tuffnut’s dorm room.
He was finally free.
This... is going to be amazing.