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"Spoke, I know what you've been doing. It's not healthy. You have to tell someone."
Spoke felt his blood run cold upon hearing the words. Everything went still. He could hear muffled sounds, Mapicc saying something, but the ringing in his ears prevented him from hearing exactly what.
Did he feel mad, did he feel afraid? He couldn't tell. He tried to move, but his body wouldn't listen.
His chest felt heavy, a burden to carry. He tried to steady his breathing, to take slower breaths, or at least try to. No matter what he did, the words Mapicc was saying didn't become any clearer, nor did he go back to feeling normal.
For a moment, everything went dark, he couldn't see. He felt panic rise in his gut, and-
A hand on his shoulder.
"You good, Spoke?" He was brought back to the man in front of him. He instinctively flinched at the contact, swatting Mapicc's hand away.
He looked to see Mapicc in front of him, a somewhat worried expression on his face. Suddenly everything felt a lot smaller, he felt trapped. Why was he here? Why couldn't he just go away?
He didn't like the way his shirt was too tight around his skin. He didn't like the way everything was so, so loud. He could hear every single leaf bristle against the wind, he hated it.
"You know what? I don't care." Spoke spat.
Mapicc was understandably confused due to the sudden shift in Spoke's behaviour. Spoke's expression went from seeming completely out of it to offended in just a second. "What?"
"I don't care what you think." Spoke directed his gaze away from Mapicc, turning away, "Because you know what, Mapicc? You can't stop me. I'll do what I want, so why don't you mind your own business?"
The words that left his mouth were bitter, mean. He had tried so hard to prevent anyone from getting close to the truth, but what was the point at all? It would have been all for nothing in the end anyways.
"I-," Mapicc spoke up, before being cut off.
"Stay out of it, Mapicc," Spoke avoided making eye contact, hoping it'd erase whatever expression he had on his face, he knew it was stupid. "Nothing about this is relevant to you at all. So just leave me be."
The room had gone silent by that point. Spoke didn't know whether he wanted it to stay that way or for something to break the silence, but that didn't matter as Mapicc spoke up once again.
"You.. You're hurting yourself, so I... I think this is my business, thank you very much. I'm not just gonna let you do... do that." Mapicc placed a hand on Spoke's shoulder, hoping he'd look at him. The contact felt sharp, like needles on his skin, he wanted it gone.
"What do you know about what I'm doing to myself? Don't act like you know anything." He spat, backing away from Spoke.
He wanted to run. It felt like words fell from his mouth before his mind could catch up with them, did he really want to say these things? He didn't know, but he knew that he didn't want to be here anymore.
"What would Planet think, dude?" He spoke in a desperate plea to get Spoke to listen, even if it was just a little.
No matter how badly he wanted to get away, his legs wouldn't listen. The way his hands trembled with each word didn't help his case, but he caught himself. He hoped Mapicc hadn't noticed.
He laughed, maybe not genuinely, but the cold laugh escaped him nonetheless. "Why would I care? He's got his own thing, he's a busy guy."
Planet. Planet, Planet, Planet. Despite the stuff Spoke was spewing, he could only hope Mapicc wouldn't tell him. If Planet understood how weak Spoke had truly become, how much he was slowing Planet down, he would leave him. Spoke didn't want that.
"Really? Is that what you think?" Mapicc asked, skepticism clear in his voice.
He and Sooke exchanged glances, and just for a moment, the look Mapicc gave him softened, it made him feel like things were back to the way they were in past. Back when everything wasn't so complicated. He knew better than to indulge in the feeling.
He scoffed at Spoke's lack of response. "Okay, Spoke. I tried to help you, but it's clear you don't want it." He let Spoke go, turning his back to him, "Do what you want, alright?"
He felt something. Whether it was relief or regret, he didn't know. The selfish part of him wanted Mapicc to stay, to ignore Spoke's utter defiance. But the other part of him felt the opposite way, glad Mapicc would finally leave him be.
Wasn't this what he wanted from the start?
-----
It was a bright day, warm beams of sunlight piercing through the tree leaves. Spoke was outside, taking care of the farms he and Planet had. It was overall a calm morning, something not so usual for a server like this.
Spoke didn't feel odd or out of place, he decided to give himself a rest day, letting himself not do any of the things that had consumed his daily routine, even if he didn't truly deserve it.
Either way, he felt that nothing could ruin this day. It was peaceful. Spoke hummed lightly as he watched the water rush onto the soil, retrieving the bucket and smiling contentedly once deemed moist enough.
"Hey, Spoke." He heard a voice from not too far behind him, one that belonged to his teammate, Planet. He hadn't even heard his footsteps, so his sudden presence startled him. He suppressed a flinch. Although, Planet did have quiet footsteps, it was nothing new. Useful for sneaking up on people, though.
"Oh, Hey, Planet." He turned back, giving his teammate a slight smile.
"Sooooo..." Planet trailed off, looking to the side, "How.. how have you been? We haven't really... um, talked much recently, you know?" He said, the smallest hint of nervousness lacing his tone.
"Oh, y'know, same as always. Just been taking care of my plants and stuff. Planning on moving the animal farm somewhere else, gonna make it bigger as well." He rambled, Planet didn't seem very interested in his words, looking away every now and then.
Planet had to have come here for something else. Spoke filled the upcoming silence by asking, "Why, what's up?"
"You.. you said you went on a trip."
Spoke was confused, he didn't recall on going on any trip of sorts. "A trip? What are you on about?"
Planet hesitated before speaking up, "Mapicc told me you went on a trip."
Oh. Mapicc. Immediately, Spoke knew what this was about. He hoped Mapicc wasn't as much of a bitch as he made himself out to be.
He couldn't have told Planet, right? He couldn't. Yeah, no. No way.
The conversation with Mapicc had faded from his mind for a while, he hadn't had a care in the world prior to this moment. But thanks to a certain black-haired demon, he didn't have that luxury anymore, considering that his mind was currently running at 13 miles per hour.
"Yeah, just a bit of exploring as always." Spoke said casually. He kept his voice steady, tried to play it cool. If Planet truly didn't know the details of the situation, he didn't want to throw himself under the bus by exposing himself.
"Exploring..? Right." A pause. "So... how come you forgot the coords of our base after this trip of yours?"
He didn't know, did he? How could he truly know? There was no way.
"Ah, my mind gets a bit foggy sometimes. All these incredible structures really make me forget things sometimes, you know?" He could only hope Planet would buy the shit he was spewing. To be fair, he had no reason not to. Other than Mapicc.
Planet went silent for a moment, looking at Spoke. His expression remained unreadable.
"Spoke, what were you really doing on this trip?"
With his answer, not a single sign of uncertainty could be seen on his face. He managed to keep his composure. "Like I said, just exploring. Visited a few structures, super cool and all."
"Right... And that has nothing to do with a certain blank room being covered in blood after your visit?"
Spoke froze.