Chapter Text
Since the moment he’d returned home to find his friends- his family- dead, he’d been alone. In that sole moment he hadn’t just lost everything he’d ever loved, he’d managed to isolate himself forever, assuring he’d never meet a future in which he could ever move on, in which he’d stop being alone. It had occurred to him at some point in those blurry years that he deserved it. After all, he didn’t deserve having love, having company, someone- anyone- to hold him. Because, well, the last time he had that, Logan had fucked it up, and had doomed them all. Of course he didn’t deserve anyone after all that, how could anyone ever stay, when they all knew (everyone knew) what he did to those who got close enough?
But then, something had happened. And now, that world (probably) didn’t exist anymore.
Some (Wade) would say this was the perfect chance to start a clean slate. But Logan knew how the world worked. He’d lived long enough to understand.
He was lucky enough to had been allowed to stay here and not have to return to his personal hell, he was lucky that the merc had allowed him to stay at his place, and he knew that his luck was gonna be running thin soon enough. The moment Deadpool decided he’d had enough fun messing with him, when he realized just how messed up Logan was, when Logan managed to upset him enough, he’d be out. And he’d lose everything, what little he had, once more. So, believe it or not, he behaved. He took what was given. And he didn’t dare ask for more- how could he? He hardly even deserved this second chance. When Wade brought his friends over, Logan behaved. He stayed at arms length (both physically and in conversation) from everyone there, burying down the dull ache of finally being able to be surrounded by so many people he knew he didn’t deserve, he knew he’d lose sooner or later, yet feeling alone all the same.
He was downing what was probably his… somethingth glass of alcohol when he noticed Deadpool approaching the little corner he’d made himself at home in, with an expression he couldn’t quite read (be it the alcohol or the other man’s general demeanor).
"You look like shit" he said bluntly, just as always
"Fuck off"
"Ouch! Though we were past that, hun. Two men can’t become closer after saving the world anymore or what?"
"You’re gonna start making me wish I hadn’t helped" he said, looking away.
"Don’t worry sweetums, I know you did it because you love me" Logan growled lowly, and Wade raised an eyebrow, curious "Any particular reason you’re brooding while everyone else is having fun?"
Logan didn’t respond. Maybe he shouldn’t have drunk so much, he was starting to get sensitive and he knew he’d start running his mouth soon enough if the merc kept pressing. And whatever he’d say (either he spilled the beans or he insulted the other into next week) he knew he’d just be asking to be kicked out. And he wasn’t ready for that yet.
"Still brooding I see. Well, guess I’ll leave you to it, that inner monologue must be something if it’s all we’re getting on exposition. Plus, the nonspecific party is still going on and I have other, more fun, people to entertain with my presence. Toodles, honeybuns!"
Logan felt his throat close up. Of course he wants to be with other people, better people, he doesn’t need Logan around, everyone here actually cares about Wade, they don’t just spew malice on his face for the sake of it, of course he’s gonna notice he’s not worth the pity, of course he’s gonna throw him out without a second thought, of course he’s just a nuisance that should just dissap-
"Wait" he talked before he could stop himself, voice sounding weak.
He couldn’t believe what he was doing, yet the other turned around to look at him- again, what kind of expression was that?.
"You called?"
Logan stalled again, looking to the floor, to his hands, the glass in his hand. Anything but Wade.
"Could…" he swallowed, hard, and kept stalling his words. Yet somehow, Wade didn’t interrupt him, as if… he was waiting for him to talk. He sighed "Just… stay?"
For some reason in the universe, someway, somehow, Deadpool was silent. Not a word came from his mouth as he sat right next to Logan, slowly, patient, and the man could just feel the other’s eyes on him. He didn’t dare look up to meet his gaze. He didn’t dare see what those eyes would say to him (what’s wrong with you? What a weirdo. You’re pathetic. Pathetic pathetic pathetic patheticpatheticpathectic).
"I insist on the ‘you look like shit’ part. I mean, you can tell me if you want. I don’t promise I won’t judge, I mean, I am but a weak man, but you can tell me and I can tell you pretty honestly I’ll listen to about 50 to 60 percent of what you’ll say"
Logan finally steeled himself to look up at Wade. And again, he figures he just can’t read the other man. Because he doesn’t see judgement on his face, doesn’t hear it in his voice. It must be around there somewhere, hidden, stashed away. He can’t- he couldn’t- actually want to listen. To him. He searched once more, but when he couldn’t find anything, he dropped his gaze back to the floor. He’s too drunk for this shit.
"Don’t really have anything to say"
"Oh but you just talked right now!"
"Yeah, nothing more than that" he stopped in his tracks "and this"
"Ya sure? Not to brag but, I am a pretty good listener. Just ask anyone" Wade appeared to look around the apartment "Hey! Peter! Tell broody McBroodface over here how good of a listener I am!"
A chorus of shit talk accompanied the statement, and Logan couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at Wade’s offended gasps.
"Okay, just ignore everything these backstabbing bitches just said, I’m a great listener" he talk-screamed, emphasizing the last sentence "and an amazing friend"
Logan chuckled some more.
"Anyways, if ya got something in that pretty little head of yours you’d like to share, I’m all ears, my sweet little honey badger"
"One more pet name and I’m slashing your arms off"
"If you do that you know Al will kill you for staining her carpet"
"Damn right I will!" Al said from somewhere in the apartment.
"I thought you didn’t take sides!" he screamed back at her.
"When it’s about my carpet I do!"
"Whatever" he whispered, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.
Wade laughed some more, and Logan sneaked a glance back at him, with just a little crooked smile tugging at his lips. Wade looked back, and smiled. At him. Logan looked away, serious once more, but feeling his face getting hot. He stared at the floor intently, until he felt a feather light touch on his hair. Logan shot back, looking for the source of the touch, only to find Wade’s arm reaching for his head. He glared.
"What are you doing"
"Nothing"
"Clearly you are"
"I have no idea what you’re talking about-"
"Then why’s your arm still there?"
"Why aren’t you moving it away then?" Logan fell silent "huh? Not so fierce anymore, kitty?"
"Fuck off" he turned around. And yet, he didn’t move Wade’s arm away.
"You’re still not moving the arm"
"Shut it"
"Ooookay"
Silence again.
"So can I touch you?" Logan glared at him once more.
"No"
"Just a little?"
"I’ll tear your arms off, for real this time"
"Okay, okay, no petting, got it" He still wouldn’t move the hand" what about scratc-"
Logan growled, and he moved to slap the arm away, finally at wits end, but suddenly he stopped. He looked at Wade, then he swallowed hard. The merc… looked like he really wanted to do that (why?). And… and maybe… maybe he did too. He moved his hand away slowly, looking for any reaction coming from Wade. Then, he looked away again.
"Fine. But if you try anything weird I will rip your arms off"
"Anything for you, pookie"
Logan didn’t even bother anymore.
The hand that was once just a light touch over his hair, then hesitantly, slowly, dropped down, until it met his skull. From there, it took a while until Wade started moving his hand, perhaps hesitant Logan would regret his decision and make true on his promise. His fingers ran gently over Logan’s scalp, stretching, then contracting, then stretching again in a slow, scratching motion. He could feel every detail on Wade’s fingertips, every scar and bump that ran over his hair and his scalp, and quickly Logan found himself closing his eyes and actually enjoying the sensation. It felt so… intimate, so soft, so caring. And, he managed to notice that once again Wade was dead silent, entranced by what he was doing. He let out a deep sigh, barely noticing he was leaning into the touch, searching for more. Logan couldn’t hear the party anymore, and his inner thoughts had gone just as quiet as Wade. Then the other man moved his hand lower, almost to his nape, and yes, that was just right yeah- and suddenly, the motion stopped.
Logan opened his eyes slowly, dazed, and looked up at Wade, who looked… perplexed?
"Why’d you stop?" he said (definitely did not whine), and Wade looked even more shocked.
"I… I should probably note you like having your hair played with, that was one hell of a sound you let out, kitty" Logan took his time processing what he’d just heard.
"What?"
Wade’s eyebrows went even further up.
"Wait you’re telling me you didn’t hear yourself?" he looked at him, puzzled "Well then let me tell you I’m pretty sure you just let out the most amazing moan I’ve ever heard"
Logan heard the words being said to him, then he thought about them a little, and suddenly he wasn’t all that drunk anymore.
"Oh yeah, and I’ve heard my fair share of moaning, yours just takes the cake. Also I’m pretty sure when I stopped I heard a straight up whine, there’s no other way to put it, sugar pie"
Mortified, Logan looked at Wade, then around the room, heart suddenly going a mile a minute. Shit. Shitshitshit shit. Even if it didn’t seem as if anyone (aside from Wade) had heard him, he couldn’t relax now. Fuck.
He stood up without looking at the other man, and he speed-walked to the apartment door, leaving his glass… somewhere.
"Wait, wolvie!" Wade tried, but Logan just left, slamming the door behind him.