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"Darling, would you happen to know where the dried hellebore is?" Regis called out to May, who was crushing leaves in a mortar and pestle.
"Hmm?" she murmured, lifting her gaze. Her eyes betrayed that her mind was wandering in distant realms.
"I'm looking for the dried hellebore. Do you happen to know where it is?"
Recognition flickered in her brown eyes.
“Oh! I’m sorry. Yes, I’ve prepared a new batch for you. I’ll fetch it.”
She set aside her mortar and pestle and headed for the door. Regis' gaze traced her voluptuous silhouette and the dark brown cascade of hair falling over her shoulders. She vanished into the next room for a moment, then reappeared with a jar full of the herbs he sought. With a sheepish smile, she handed him the jar.
“Here. I’m sorry, I forgot to put the jar back…I know you don’t like it when I misplace stuff…”
"Not to worry, my love," Regis replied with a gentle smile, his dark eyes twinkling. "A touch of chaos in one's surroundings can often lead to the most fascinating discoveries. Your assistance is far too precious for me to be concerned with such trifles.", Regis answered, taking the jar from her hands and laying a gentle kiss on her nose.
May's smile broadened, but Regis noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes. She also seemed to be deliberately avoiding his gaze.
It's happening again, Regis thought with concern. May turned back to her discarded mortar, picked it up, and resumed her work. Her expression was one of deep contemplation, unaware that Regis was still observing her, pondering over the last years they had just spent together.
Regis and May had met about three years earlier, shortly after Regis settled in Nilfgaard. May owned a small workshop where she made her living selling books and restoring ancient objects and artifacts entrusted to her by the city's wealthy residents.
Regis quickly fell into the habit of visiting May's shop, where they would engage in lengthy discussions. May was kind, curious, and cultured—a great conversationalist always eager to listen and learn. After a few visits, once she had grown accustomed to him and realized he wasn't as contemptuous or pompous as her usual clientele, May became bolder. She revealed a funny and spontaneous side that Regis swiftly came to adore. For instance, her natural speech was often far less refined than her professional demeanor, and it reminded Regis of Geralt's blunt and occasionally vulgar manner of speaking.
They quickly became close friends, with May's cheerful presence and warmth easing Regis' grief for Detlaff and the ache of missing his best friend Geralt. When not engrossed in passionate debates at May's bookshop or Regis' laboratory, they would embark on long "discovery" walks in nature. During these excursions, Regis shared his extensive knowledge of plants and herbs, teaching May about extracts and distillations that could aid her restoration work. As they grew closer, May soon guessed Regis' true nature. Yet, it didn't deter her friendship for the vampire. Eventually, they fell deeply in love with each other.
May, too, harbored a secret—one she'd fought to conceal since adolescence. This hidden truth intensified her fear of abandonment, making it overwhelmingly powerful. May referred to this concealed part of herself as her "the Void".
It was a mental space where her mind frequently became trapped. At its mildest, it was a realm of nightmares, terrors, and sinister dreams. At its worst, it was a void of utter emptiness—a dark domain where her sense of self shattered, leaving her doubting her very existence.
Like the phases of the moon, May's moods shifted cyclically, sometimes within a single day. She could swing from cheerful and energetic to melancholic and withdrawn. In her darkest moments, she experienced bursts of rage that proved challenging to soothe, and Regis regularly found himself on the receiving end of those.
Regis quickly grasped how deeply May feared others would perceive her as cursed. He knew, however, that her "curse" had nothing to do with magic. It was all happening within the intricate workings of her brain, which sometimes veered off course. Over time, Regis had learned to recognize the signs that May was slipping into "the Void".
Like she was now.
Emerging from his reverie, Regis found himself back in his cozy, warm laboratory. The walls were adorned with potted plants, shelves laden with intricate mixtures, and leather-bound books. He gently set down the glass jar and made his way to May. Stepping behind her, he enveloped her shoulders in a warm embrace, murmuring softly in her ear.
“Are you well, my love?”
She sighed and leaned back against his torso. Regis buried his nose in her dark brown mane, inhaling her warm scent.
"I'm just a bit tired, I suppose, that's all," she replied, now mincing mint leaves and rolling them into a towel.
Regis' jaw tightened as he suppressed a sigh. This pattern was all too familiar: May would bottle up her emotions for days, reluctant to appear vulnerable or "burden" him, as she put it. It invariably required considerable effort on his part to coax her into admitting she was struggling.
"Sweetheart... you know you can talk to me, right?" he murmured gently.
“Yeah, I know.”
This time, Regis sighed into her hair, but he didn’t insist. Not now. Instead, he kissed the back of her head and released her, heading towards their bedroom. In a corner of the room, there was a room divider behind which was installed a steel tub, an oven, and a small indoor cistern fed by pipes from the nearby stream. This clever system, designed by Regis himself, allowed for easy access to water without leaving the comfort of their bedroom.
Regis began heating buckets of water on the stove and filled the tub with steaming water. After about ten minutes, he checked the water's temperature. Satisfied, he returned to the laboratory. There, he approached May again and gently took the knife from her hands, resting it on the table. May began to protest.
“Regis, I really need to finish-”
"Shh-shh-shh, darling, come here... What you need is a warm bath and a good night’s sleep."
“But-”
Regis turned her towards him and kissed her lips, wrapping her into a loving embrace.
“Hush now, no buts”, he whispered against her lips, “I don’t need sleep, but you do. Let me take care of you, my love.”
With those words, Regis slipped an arm under her knees and lifted her, cradling her face against his neck. May sighed and relented, wrapping her arms around his neck and exhaling deeply. Regis carried her with tender care to their bed. There, he gently laid her down and helped her out of her dress. Then, he scooped her back into his arms and carried her to the tub.
”I do have legs, you know”, May chuckled into his neck.
“And I have arms that can never hold you enough”, Regis replied lovingly.
With utmost care, Regis lowered May into the bathtub, first allowing her to test the water's temperature with a toe. As she sank into the warm bath, May exhaled deeply, tension visibly melting from her body.
“Oh, hell, that feels good”, she said.
Regis smiled fondly as he poured water over her hair. He admired how the rivulets cascaded through the dark, thick mass, then trickled along her slender neck and over her voluptuous form.
On a small shelf behind the tub sat several pots containing ointments and creams that Regis had concocted specially for May. He chose one of her favorites: a blend of lavender and chamomile for their relaxing properties, rose petals and jasmine to honor her southern roots, and a hint of citrus for a refreshing finish. Removing his gloves, he scooped a generous dose of the ointment onto his hands before gently massaging her scalp in slow, tender circles. May let out a sigh that resembled the contented purr of a cat.
“Regis, you’re too good to me…these hands of yours are a slice of heaven.”
Regis chuckled, his deep voice as smooth as velvet.
“My, I feel honored, my precious queen, that you appreciate my humble hands…”
He massaged her for several minutes as she lathered her body with an olive oil soap. Regis savored the way her shoulders relaxed, her head tilted back, and her thick hair felt between his fingers. After a while, he gently poured ladles of warm water over her head. May dipped her face beneath the surface to rinse off, then emerged to find Regis holding out a towel, arms open in invitation.
“If my exquisite lady would do me the honor…”, he purred.
May flashed him a tired but bright smile that made his heart skip a beat. For a moment, he thought he saw the dark cloud brooding over her recede. She stood up, hands shyly covering her intimate parts, and stepped into his arms as he wrapped the towel around her. Rising on her toes, she pressed a quick kiss to his lips, then rested her head against his chest. Regis held her there for a couple of minutes, gently rubbing circles on her body through the towel.
“I love you, May. You do know that, right?”, Regis said in a soft voice.
At these words, May’s shoulders tensed again, and Regis frowned.
“I know…”, May whispered into his chest, “I love you too, Regis…”
He thought he detected a tremor in her voice, but May quickly disengaged from his arms and made her way to the bed. After thoroughly drying herself, she slipped on a nightgown draped over a nearby chair and slid under the sheets, with Regis gently assisting her. He tenderly tucked her in, then leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead.
“I’ll finish a couple of potions and then I’ll come hold you for the rest of the night. I’ll hold you so tight you won’t be able to move a muscle. Alright, darling?”, he said.
May nodded sleepily and closed her eyes, leaning her head into Regis' hand. The higher vampire stroked her face tenderly for a couple of minutes, his heart bursting with love for her. He admired her round, delicate face: her full mouth with the upper lip marred by a discreet Y-shaped scar; her high cheekbones; her thin nose; and her slightly tanned skin that betrayed her southern origin. A large beauty spot adorned the end of her left eyebrow like punctuation after a sentence.
He loved her with every fiber of his being.
Soon, May drifted into a deep slumber. Regis gently withdrew his hand and pressed a tender kiss to her lips.
"Sleep well, my sweet, sweet May," he murmured, his lips mere inches from hers.
Then, silent as a shadow, he slipped out of the room.
In the days that followed, May's struggle became increasingly apparent. Despite her best efforts to maintain a cheerful and kind demeanor, and to assist Regis in his work, he sensed she was losing her inner battle. She grew more distant, taciturn, and melancholic. Regis responded by intensifying his displays of affection—kissing her, enveloping her in his arms and holding her close for extended periods, or simply whispering tender words in her ear. Yet he felt her slipping away, retreating into herself. As she sank deeper into the Void, Regis' concern mounted.
One night, as Regis lay beside her, his hand absently tracing circles on his bare chest while pondering the situation, a whimper tore him from his thoughts. He turned to May, and his heart shattered at the sight of tears streaming down her face. She was crying silently in her sleep, her turmoil betrayed only by soft whimpers escaping her lips. The scene was gut-wrenching.
"No... No!" May whimpered through a tiny sob laden with anguish.
Her body curled inward, as if wracked by unbearable pain.
Regis couldn’t bear this any longer. He rolled towards her and slid his arms around her.
“Darling, shhhh…”, he whispered, pulling her against him.
He buried her face in the center of his chest, cradling her in the space where his strong muscles met. He ensured her nose and lips were immersed into his grey chest hair, for he knew his scent comforted her. Then he wrapped his arms around her head, enveloping her completely, holding her firmly yet tenderly against him.
"Shhhhh…Shhhhh…" he cooed in tender, elongated whispers, kneading her scalp with his fingers.
She released another sob, muffled against his chest. Regis tightened his embrace slightly, contracting his chest muscles just enough to envelop her face in a cocoon of hair and flesh, without restricting her breathing.
"I'm here, sweet darling. You're dreaming... I'm right here. Shh, shh, shh... You're safe, my love. I've got you in my arms, holding you tight and close. Nothing can harm you here," he soothed, planting gentle kisses in her hair.
He held her for a long, long time, his soft, tender voice a constant stream of soothing whispers. Her breath warmed his chest, her lips gently pressed against his sternum, stirring his chest hair with each exhale. Cradling her close and tight, he enveloped her in his scent and warmth until they seemed to penetrate her dream. Gradually, her whimpers subsided. Her arms found their way around his waist as she burrowed deeper into his embrace. Regis' lips curved into a tender smile, and he tightened his hold once more, careful not to smother her.
"Shh... I'm here... I'm here," he murmured softly, the words a soothing mantra.
After a while, her breathing deepened and slowed to a steady rhythm. Regis closed his eyes but maintained his protective embrace. He held her close without wavering, until the first rays of dawn painted the room's walls with splashes of golden light.
Later that day, Regis knew the time had come to confront May. She had dark circles under her eyes and seemed lost in her own mind, barely hearing him.
“May, sweetheart?”
She didn't respond. Her gaze was distant, her hands mechanically removing the layer of encrusted dust covering one of the artifacts she'd been entrusted with.
"May!" Regis called, raising his voice slightly.
Still, she didn’t respond.
Regis closed the gap between them and cupped May's face in his hands, gently urging her to meet his gaze.
“May, can you hear me?”
May blinked rapidly, her eyes refocusing as if emerging from a trance. Suddenly, she seemed fully present in her body again.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Regis. I'm... I'm very distracted today."
"Darling, you need to talk to me. You're lost in the Void again, aren't you?" Regis whispered, his eyes brimming with concern as he used the term they both knew so well.
May's shoulders immediately tensed, and she turned away from him, pretending to go fetch a bottle of the bronze-cleaning solution they had brewed together. This special concoction was highly effective at removing dirt and dust from bronze artifacts without damaging the underlying metal.
"I'm fine, Regis. Please don't worry about me," she said, her voice hollow and distant.
"Darling, it's beginning to affect your dreams. Last night, you had a nightmare—do you remember? You cried in my arms. You sounded utterly heartbroken."
“I-I don’t remember…”
Unable to bear it any longer, Regis grasped May's shoulders gently and turned her to face him.
"Honey, please," he implored, his voice thick with emotion. "Don't do this. Don't shut me out."
May's eyes welled with tears, and Regis sensed she was teetering on the edge of a breakdown. Every fiber of his being yearned to embrace her, but he knew he needed to gently prod her a bit more.
"Talk to me, sweetheart. Let me help you, let me wander these cold, dark lands by your side. I can't follow you there if you don't let me in."
That's when May snapped. She turned away once more, this time burying her face in her hands and shaking her head vigorously.
"I'm just being silly, okay? I'm being a bloody drama queen and I can't, for the life of me, reason with myself."
She let out a hollow laugh, a clear attempt to downplay her emotions.
"I mean, here I am thinking, 'Okay, I'm mortal, right? Regis is not.'"
Regis closed his eyes.
Oh, heavens no.
He knew this day would come.
May continued.
"So I'm thinking, 'It's unfair to let Regis love you when you know he'll have to watch you die. After losing Dettlaff—and possibly Geralt and many of our friends—he'll have to lose you too.' And then I'm presumptuous enough to imagine you all sad and lonely after I'm gone."
Her voice caught in her throat as she clenched her teeth, visibly struggling against the tears that threatened to spill. Regis could see, despite May's attempts to hide it, how deeply the thought of him mourning her tormented her very soul.
"Darling, no... Please don't go there... Sweetheart—"
But May was beyond restraint now. She clutched at her hair, her face contorted in anguish.
"Wait! Wait! That's not even the best part!" she exclaimed, letting out a wild, unnerving laugh. "So after I rationalize that you're too extraordinary to remain lonely and unloved, do you know what my twisted mind tells me? You're going to laugh."
But Regis was far from laughter.
"Darling, stop... Come here," he whispered, his voice heartbroken, reaching out to take her into his arms. But May recoiled from him and continued, her words rising to a high pitch.
"It tells me, 'Sure, he'll find someone else to love. For a time, at least. But honey, do you think humans will be around forever?'"
Regis shook his head, reaching out once more.
"Darling, please… come into my arms, I implore you," he pleaded.
Again, May recoiled, her eyes wild with anguish, her face contorted in a mirthless grin as she continued to mock and torment herself.
"My sick mind conjures images of you wandering in a lifeless world, heartbroken and alone on the shore of a dead sea, beneath a black sky and an enormous, red, dying sun! And I... I..."
The dam finally burst. May collapsed into long, harrowing sobs, her knees buckling beneath her. In a heartbeat, Regis closed the distance between them, enveloping her in his arms. He supported her trembling form, gently guiding her face to his chest.
"Oh no... No, no, no... Come here, darling. Come here," he whispered, his arms enveloping her in a protective embrace.
With one hand, he gently pressed her face into the crook of his shoulder, while his other arm encircled her back. He held her there in a tight, fierce embrace, as May's sobs were muffled against him—so violent they shook them both.
"Shhh... Shhh... My darling... Oh, my sweet love... How long have you been tormenting yourself like this?"
May's nails dug into the green fabric of his tunic as she shook her head vehemently.
"I... I can't think of anything else," she growled against him, her voice a blend of rage and maddening pain. "I keep seeing you... alone, mourning me, mourning every damn person you've ever loved for thousands upon thousands of years. I-I can't stand it... It's k-killing me!"
Regis pushed her face deeper into his chest, silencing her.
"Darling, please, stop" Regis implored softly. "When these thoughts plague you, you must come to me. Don't try to endure them alone."
He cradled her against his chest, allowing her to pour out her anguish. For several minutes, he gently rocked her as she wailed, her fingers digging into him with desperate strength.
"Shh, easy, darling... Easy... I'm here," he murmured repeatedly, his hands caressing her with all the tenderness he could muster.
Eventually, he gently pulled away just enough to cup her face in his hands, guiding her eyes to meet his.
"May, look at me. Look at me, darling," he said softly but firmly.
May's face was a mask of despair, tears streaming down her cheeks, her teeth clenched in anguish.
"You don't deserve this, Regis. It's unfair—it's so damn unfair!"
Regis silenced her with a tender kiss, pressing his lips against hers. Her words faded into a soft whimper as he sealed their mouths together in a long, comforting embrace.
"Shh-shh-shh. Enough, darling. Listen to me," he whispered against her lips, his hand still kneading her scalp.
He gently wiped her tears with his thumbs and pressed his forehead against hers. Taking a deep breath, he carefully chose his words.
“Honey, I understand your fear, I understand your pain. But the images you see in your mind are just that—images. You’re a prisoner of your beautiful, compassionate and deeply human mind. Your very nature prevents you from grasping the immensely complex reality of vampiric existence. And that's perfectly alright, my love.”
He paused, tenderly caressing her face.
“But please, sweetheart, you must trust me. When the time comes for us to part, of course I shall be sad. Of course, my heart will bleed, as it will when Geralt leaves this world, or Cirilla, whom I love as my own. But I need you to trust that, eventually, I will be alright. Believe me when I say that my existence is—and will be—a succession of encounters, love, friendship, and loss. Each of these experiences leaves me with something invaluable: a piece of every person I've loved, and the memories we shared.”
He paused again, allowing his words to sink in.
“I know it's hard for you to believe, my love. Humans don't experience death and loss as we higher vampires do. But I promise you, we retain... how shall I put it... more palpable experiences. These never truly leave our hearts, for better or worse."
“But…Regis…What if—”
"Shh, allow me to finish. What if humans die out? Darling, do you have the slightest idea how far in the future that would be—if it ever came to pass at all? I cannot claim to know what lies ahead, nor can I pretend that I haven't pondered such things myself. But I need you to understand something—something that perhaps only time has taught me.
He tenderly kissed away a solitary tear that traced a straight path down her cheek.
"The world evolves, and everything within it bows to time's passage. Yet, I've mastered the art of adaptation, finding purpose in each moment granted to me. Throughout my four centuries of existence, I've loved many, and each has etched their essence onto my soul. And you, May—you're among those I'll treasure most, until the day I cease to be."
May sniffled, her face crumpling as a fresh wave of tears overcame her. She clung to Regis like a kitten lost under the rain, and his heart shattered anew at the sight.
"Oh, my sweet, sweet darling... Shh... come here," he whispered, drawing her back into his embrace.
For several minutes, he gently rocked her in silence, his eyes closed, focusing entirely on holding her as tightly as he could without causing discomfort. Then, with infinite tenderness in his voice, he continued.
"Even if the day comes when humanity fades and I'm left to wander this world alone, I'll carry you with me. Your love, your memory, will remain a light that never extinguishes. I'll never be truly alone, for you'll be with me, always."
"It hurts so much, Regis... I love you so deeply... I—I can't stop worrying about you," she hiccuped.
"Shh, I know, darling. I know," Regis murmured. "It pains me to see you torment yourself, yet I'm deeply touched by your concern for me. If the thought of my solitude troubles you so, consider this: I may not be alone. There are other higher vampires, though few. Perhaps I'll find a new tribe to welcome me. Or I might find peace in nature's ever-changing beauty, tending to other creatures. Remember, my love, I'm quite the solitary being by nature."
As he spoke, May's sobs gradually subsided into soft sniffles. She clung to Regis, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist and burying her face deep in his chest, as if trying to meld their bodies together. Regis enveloped her head in his arms, holding her with just enough pressure to make her feel cocooned—almost smothered, but in the most comforting and tender way possible. With a gentle sigh, he offered another reassuring argument, hoping it would soothe her troubled mind.
"Life is a cycle, my darling—a series of endings and beginnings, of death and rebirth. The world as we know it may one day fade, but from its ashes, another will emerge anew. Should the time come when this world meets its end, I shall bear witness to the birth of another. And to be perfectly candid with you, I find that perspective quite fascinating..."
May exhaled deeply, and Regis finally felt the tension leave her body as she relaxed against him.
"Release these worries, my love. Have faith in us, in our bond, and let's treasure every moment we share. Don't allow your fears to steal the joy that awaits us."
He planted long, reverent kisses on her hair while her head remained hidden in his arms.
"Shh... Let go, my love. Focus solely on me. I'm here, right here, right now, and that's all that matters. Leave everything else to me."
They remained there for a long time, swaying gently in the soft sunlight that bathed the study in golden hues—far from the dreadful blood-red sun that plagued May's nightmares. Regis breathed softly and deeply, caressing her with tender gestures, his arms locked tightly around her. After a while, May whispered.
"I'm sorry, Regis... I... I'm sorry I fell apart like this. That's exactly why I didn't want to tell you."
Regis pulled away just enough to take her face in his hands.
"Sweetheart, I implore you to share these thoughts with me. You're not being overdramatic—you're strong and kind, with a tendency to put others before yourself. Darling... you've confided in me about that ‘Void” that resides deep within you. This is something beyond your control. You needn't face it alone, my love. I want to stand beside you in this battle. Please, let me fight alongside you."
He leaned in, gently pressing his lips to her forehead in a tender kiss before continuing.
"You're allowed to break down. You're allowed to be vulnerable. It doesn't make you weak—it's part of who you are. You're a kind and warm soul who deserves support, love, and cherishing every single day of your life. I intend to do just that, my darling, if you'll have me."
A bittersweet smile graced her lips, filled with both sadness and love.
"I want no one else but you. I only hope I can offer you the same depth of happiness and support that you bring to me."
Regis gently pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, savoring the moment of connection.
"My sweet love, you bring me that and so much more. Words can scarcely express the depth of joy and fulfillment you've brought into my life."
They breathed together in silence for a few moments. Then, Regis cupped her face in his hands and sealed their lips in another long, passionate kiss. He poured the immensity of his love for her into that embrace. When their mouths finally parted with a soft, wet sound, Regis gently guided her face back to his chest.
"Come back here," he whispered, drawing her into another powerful, protective embrace. "Let me hold you for a little while longer."
May released a deep, weary sigh into his chest. As her shoulders relaxed and her heartbeat settled into a calmer rhythm, Regis knew he had finally succeeded in bringing her back to him.
For the first time in days, he too was finally at peace.