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Erin doesn’t sleep well anymore. Her new meds help, but don’t cure her insomnia entirely, leaving her exhausted from broken night after broken night. Sometimes, she can’t fall asleep in the first place, tense and anxious, far too nervous about getting attacked in her sleep to even close her eyes, whilst other times she awakes in the middle of the night after horrific nightmares about Du’Met murdering Mark and Charlie (she never saw their bodies, she doesn’t even know how he killed them, but Erin’s fucking mind sure knows how to fill in the blanks and give her horrible dreams) that leave her sobbing and unable to settle for the rest of the night. She hates this so fucking much.
And the only thing that makes her feel a bit better is knowing that Jamie experiences the same thing (and Kate too, but they don’t live together, so Erin is less intimately aware of Kate’s issues). At least she isn’t alone. And living with Jamie means that when either woman suffers from insomnia and nightmares, her girlfriend is there to offer support. And who better to understand the horrors they went through than someone who also suffered on that fucking island.
On the nights where Erin’s insomnia acts up, too nervous to even turn the lights off (because it brings her back to being trapped in that dark, dusty room, banging on the door and screaming for the others to rescue her), Jamie always offers to sit up in bed with her until Erin can finally sleep.
“But then we’ll both be tired for work tomorrow,” Erin said the first time Jamie offered to keep her company.
“Who gives a fuck?” Jamie said. “I don’t want you to suffer alone, Erin.”
And Erin blushed, kissed Jamie, and relented her argument, allowing Jamie to wrap her arm around Erin as they slumped in bed. And they watched a movie on Jamie’s iPad until Erin couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer, eventually falling into desperately needed sleep in her girlfriend’s embrace.
And when the horrible dreams are what ruin her nights, Jamie is there for her too. When Erin jolts awake, memories still swirling through her mind, she to catch her breath—because she doesn’t want a fucking asthma attack on top of this. Before long, tears well up in her eyes, because even though it was just a dream, Mark and Charlie are still fucking dead, and everything she went through was real. Every time, she tries not to cry, but every time, she fails, and begins to sob as she sits up in bed in the middle of the night. She hates feeling so weak and pathetic—maybe if she were stronger, Mark and Charlie might still be alive—but she’s so goddamn sleep deprived and traumatised and miserable, and the tears just keep flowing. And she doesn’t want to disturb Jamie, but Erin’s sobs inevitably become too loud to hide, and Jamie wakes up.
“Erin…?” Jamie mumbles, still half asleep.
“I-I’m fine,” Erin gasps, her lie so painfully obvious that she almost laughs.
“No, you’re not.”
Even though she can barely breathe through her sobs, Erin splutters out, “I am, honest.”
Jamie sighs, lunging to switch the lamp on. Some of Erin’s terror fades the moment the light turns on, but not enough to calm her down.
“Come here,” Jamie says, hauling her tired body into a sitting position and wriggling closer to Erin.
Wrapping her arms around Erin, Jamie lets her girlfriend slump against her, rubbing Erin’s back as she cries. Erin buries her face into the crook of Jamie’s neck, sniffling and sobbing but soothed by Jamie’s arms around her.
“I’ve got you,” Jamie whispers. “That fucker can’t hurt you anymore.”
Erin wants to point out that they never found Du’Met’s body, so he might still be out there. But she can’t really speak when crying so hard, and what would being a smartass solve right now anyway? So, she keeps her mouth shut and cries in Jamie’s arms.
Once Erin finally manages to stop crying, Jamie wordlessly passes her a box of tissues and lets Erin clean herself up. As she dries her tired, aching eyes, Erin avoids looking at Jamie, who she just woke up. Again.
“I know what you wanna say,” Jamie says, “and I don’t wanna hear it.”
Erin lets out a weak laugh. Jamie knows her too well, and easily predicted that Erin would try to apologise for waking her.
“But I—”
“I don’t care. I fucking love you, Erin. And that means I want to help you.”
Finally, Erin looks at her girlfriend, managing to smile. “Thanks, Jamie. That… that means a lot.”
“Don’t get all sappy on me now,” Jamie says, her expression adorably bashful.
And Erin just smiles wider and gives Jamie a kiss, so grateful to have someone like Jamie in her life.