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It starts when they watch a movie. Hunter and Gus pick it out because they like the cover, but Luz can’t ever remember watching it. Considering it’s on VHS, it probably belonged to her dad. Anyway, they all sit down to watch a movie one evening, Luz and Amity snuggling together on the couch, when their lovely day starts to go wrong.
In the movie, they quickly learn that the main character, a teenage girl, has a… bad relationship with her mother. The mom never hits the girl or even yells at her, instead communicating in a series of jabs at her daughter’s expense. She’s controlling too, trying to force her daughter to behave the way she wants, not letting the girl express herself. Her rude, dismissive tone makes Luz root for the girl, and the others voice their open dislike of the mom. Except for Amity, who sits there staring at the screen, her body too still.
Too late, Luz realises the problem. And she wants to kick herself for being so stupid. Why didn’t she realise this earlier? Poor Amity must see a lot of her mother’s abusive behaviour reflected in the movie character’s actions. And Luz knows that Amity only recently came to terms with how badly her mother treated her (“I never thought it was… abuse,” she explained one night when they couldn’t sleep, whispered to Luz over the sounds of Willow and Vee snoring. “But then she… she was trying to make me break up with you, and it finally hit me… how terrible she was for all those years.”) and it’s still a topic that makes her upset. And now they’re watching a stupid movie that makes Amity feel like crap.
As Amity starts to tremble, Luz thinks of how to get her out of this situation. She doesn’t want to draw attention to Amity, but she also doesn’t want to leave her girlfriend to deal with this. So, in the most exaggeratedly bored voice she can manage, Luz says, “Man, this movie sucks. Wanna go work on that Azura fic with me, sweet potato?”
Amity looks at her, studying Luz’s face whilst avoiding eye contact, her expression tense. But she does relax a little as she nods. “That… sounds like a good plan.”
Taking Amity’s hand, Luz stands up from the couch and leads Amity upstairs. Amity’s hand feels clammy against her own, and Luz squeezes tighter. Once they reach Luz’s room, Amity sinks onto the bottom bunk, running her fingers through her hair. The palismen, who had been curled up around Luz’s palisman egg, perk up as they sense Amity’s tension, and Ghost meows before wandering across the room. Sighing shakily, Amity smiles and gives her cat a fuss.
“I’m so sorry, Amity,” Luz says, sitting down beside her. “If, if I’d known that was part of the movie, I never would’ve—”
“It’s fine, Luz,” Amity says. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one being stupid.”
“Batata, you’re not being stupid. You… you’re scared, aren’t you?”
Reluctantly, Amity nods her head. Ghost purrs, encouraging Amity to run her fingers through the soft fur. As she pets Ghost over and over (stimming, to use a word Luz taught her girlfriend when she realised that Amity is neurodivergent too), Amity mumbles, “But… I shouldn’t be scared. We can’t go back home. That means Mom— Odalia can’t contact me. But that movie… it just reminded me of her when she was mad. But it’s really dumb. I know she hit the twins sometimes before they got too big, but she never laid a hand on me. I got off lightly compared to Ed and Em. And yet here I am… trying not to panic because of a stupid movie.” She lets out a long, shaky sigh, and Luz spies tears in Amity’s beautiful eyes. “Sorry for ruining movie night.”
And Luz has felt like such crap these past few months, overwhelmed with regret about accidentally helping Belos, and not knowing if King and Eda are even alive, and worrying about how to keep a group of witches safe in her realm when Luz barely knows how to look after herself… but nothing compares to the awful way her chest squeezes when Amity talks about herself like that. Her beautiful girlfriend… thinks she’s weak, that she’s lucky she didn’t get physically abused. Clearly being away from Odalia hasn’t solved the deep-seated problems that she instilled in Amity as she grew up. Odalia made Amity feel this way. And Luz has never met someone she wants to scream at more than Odalia Blight.
“Screw movie night,” Luz says. “I’d happily never watch a movie again if it stopped you hurting.”
“I’m not hurt, though,” Amity says, confused, glancing down at her body as though expecting a bloody wound to have appeared out of nowhere.
“I meant… emotionally. Look, sweet potato, I’m not sure how to say this but… you’re allowed to be hurt by how she treated you. And… and this sort of thing can affect you for a long time,” she says, remembering how being bullied in elementary school has screwed Luz up to this day. “And… it’s totally messed up that your mom hit the twins. But… you didn’t get off ‘lightly’, Amity. She still abused you too. She hurt you. And you’re allowed to struggle. You’re allowed to be upset by things that remind you of her. So never talk about yourself that way again,” Luz says, pressing a soft kiss to Amity’s cheek, “please.”
“Okay. I’ll try. And…” Amity takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry…”
“You don’t need to say sorry either,” Luz says, “you haven’t done anything wrong.”
Amity sighs, resting her head against Luz’s shoulder. “This wasn’t how I thought tonight was going to go.”
“Me neither. But it doesn’t matter. I promise.”
“I just wish… things could be better.”
“Me too, batata,” Luz says, wrapping her arm around Amity. “But they’re gonna get better. I just know it.”
(Of course, she doesn’t actually know that. Luz has no clue how to solve the many problems caused by her own stupidity, nor how to help Amity recover from the trauma inflicted by her own mother. But she must try. And even if it’s all a load of crap, she must say something to reassure Amity.)
“I… doubt that, to be honest,” Amity says, seeing right through her. “But thanks. For trying to comfort me.”
Luz lets out a weak laugh. “Oh my gosh, we’re hopeless, aren’t we.”
Amity chuckles. “A little. But at least we can be hopeless together.”
They fall into comfortable silence, just leaning against each other and listening to Ghost purr. There may be many horrible things about being trapped in the Human Realm, but getting to spend more time with her girlfriend isn’t one of them.
“Are you feeling any better?” Luz asks after a few minutes.
“Still a little anxious,” Amity says. “But… better than before. Much better.”
“That’s good. I just… all I want is for you to be happy,” she says, before heat rushes to her cheeks. “Sorry, that sounded way less cringy in my head.”
“It wasn’t cringy, Luz. And… I want that for you too.”
And in that moment, Luz worries that Amity can somehow read her mind, and will learn everything that has been eating away at her since before the Day of Unity. But, of course, Amity can’t read minds. And if she does worry about her, Amity doesn’t choose that moment to press for more information. Which suits Luz just fine, because worrying about her girlfriend and her screwed up relationship with her abusive mother is enough to deal with right now.
(She knows hiding everything is bad. But… but she doesn’t want Amity to hate her if she finds out what Luz did.)
“Do you need anything?” Luz asks. “Should we find something else to watch? Or actually work on that fanfic?”
“To be honest… I’d rather just stay like this,” Amity says, nuzzling her soft hair against Luz’s cheek.
“Well, that I can do,” Luz says, smiling as she hugs Amity tighter, and vowing to herself to never let anyone hurt Amity again.