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Reflections

Summary:

"She couldn't recall her origins, whether she had a family or if she had ever loved. She couldn't remember what she had looked like or if she had always looked this way."

Work Text:

Vallia stared at the mirror transfixed, her eyes unblinking, taking in every feature of her face. 

Vallia thought she knew what she looked like; she knew her skin must have been a pale red, almost pink, just like the color on her arms, and she knew that she had two horns on the top of her head that curved back from the time she traced them with her fingers, memorizing every ridge and bump. She knew her hair was long and a mixture of black and red from the times she braided it, and she could feel the holes in her ears and the sharp piercings sticking out of them. 

She had thought that she knew everything about the way she looked. Although she may not have remembered her face, she could feel what memory was lacking. 

That was until they set up camp by a serene river, its gentle flow a soothing backdrop to their weary bodies and a place for them to wash up after the day's adventure; it was her turn to wash up when she noticed the reflection.

Vallia stared at her reflection in the water. It was the first time she had looked at herself since before the Nautiloid. She thought she must have looked at herself at some point before the Nautiloid, but her memories before then were gone. The uncertainty about her appearance, about who she was, gnawed at her. 

She couldn't recall her origins, whether she had a family or if she had ever loved. She couldn't remember what she had looked like or if she had always looked this way. All she knew was her name was Vallia, and that's all she's ever been—just a name without a story. This realization left her feeling lost and alone, engulfed in a sea of self-doubt, a stranger to herself. 

Her face was dirty, covered in scratches from the crash, mud, and blood dried on her face. But under that, she could see that she had freckles all over her skin, on her nose, under her eyes, and her eyes; they were brown. Not a dark brown that's almost black, but a brown closer to the color of chestnuts. 

"Vallia, are you alright?" a voice called out from behind her, startling her and causing her to brush her hand across the water's surface. Causing ripples from where her hand had touched, erasing the face that had stared back at her only a few moments ago. 

"Are you decent?" the same voice asked after a moment of hesitation.

"I'm alright, Karlach," Vallia answered, smiling at the approaching footsteps before looking back at the water. 

She felt her settle on the ground beside her, and a new face joined the one in the water. Karlach stared back at her. 

"So… What are we looking at," she asked as Karlach's reflection turned to look at the real Vallia rather than the reflection in the water. 

Vallia turned her head, looking at Karlach, and asked her the question rising in her throat. "Have I always looked this way?"

Karlach looked surprised at the question, clearly not expecting this train of thought; "What do you mean?"

"When we met, did I look like this, or did I look different? How have I changed?" Vallia asked. 

Karlach hesitated before clearing her throat, "Well, your face was cleaner, and you had fewer scratches, and you didn't have the sticks in your hair, but other than that, you look exactly the same as when we met."

Vallia turned her head back to the water and the reflection in front of her, taking note of the sticks sticking out of her hair that she hadn't noticed before. 

"Why the question?" Karlach asked.

"I don't remember what I looked like before. I must have looked like some version of this face staring back at me, but I didn't know if it had changed since I met you. If you say it's the same, maybe it has always been the same." 

Vallia touched her face, tracing the shape of her jaw and watching the image in the water do the same. 

"Karlach, I hope I haven't changed; I want to remain the person you knew no matter what happens."