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When Eclipse finally boarded the ship and watched it soar away from the tiny pathetic planet, he’d hadn’t felt anything at all. He’d been so focused on the new crewmember orientation that he hadn’t noticed the planet getting farther and farther behind him or the growing lightyears between those that he knew. He’d met new people, of course, but he didn’t know them. He didn’t really think about that because the hours were filled with icebreakers and activities and training. And then the training was over and the actual work of his new role on the spaceship became realized. The work on that first day was fulfilling, but the free time, oh, the free time was torturous. He’d no idea where to go, what to do, or who to do it with.
So, Eclipse found himself on top of a decorative rock face, which from the top showed much of the floor he was on. It was a residential floor, complete with varying plants and wildlife to make the crew feel more at home and was arranged in such a way that he could see passersby on the paths to residential structures, they were nearly unable to see him unless they were looking that way at the right time. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be up there, but no one had stopped him yet. The climb to the top wasn’t exactly safe, but it was exhilarating. He’d done it many times in his less frequent free time during the training for new crew members, but this time was different. Now, the rest of the crew who did not need training had arrived onboard. There were so many different people from so many planets and yet not one knew he was there. He was…
No! He wanted to be there, he did. He wasn’t wanted on Earth; Shadow and his friends had made that apparent. He was wanted here, he was selected. He’d justified his choice to accept this offer time and time again. He’d done the research, and determined that this was the best way to get off the planet once and for all. Sure, it wasn’t exactly how he’d imagined it, but he wanted this and they wanted him here. For once in his life, they wanted him. Not Shadow or Shadow’s friends. HIM. And yet… no! He was happy. He was. He needed to be. This was the right decision.
He wondered what Shadow was doing. Eclipse hoped that his Dark Arms were bothering him. Shadow had reluctantly agreed to let them stay with him until Eclipse could convince whoever was in charge of the residences that they should be allowed to come onboard. He hoped that he could bring them on the ship’s next pass close to the planet, but he wasn’t sure. It was hard enough to get them to agree to accommodate his own… dietary restrictions. Apparently, it disturbed some with gentler sensibilities to see someone eat raw meat, though he clearly wasn’t the only person aboard that needed to. It might be difficult to convince them why he needed them there, or more that they needed each other. They were too far away now for him to reach out with his mind to talk to them. In fact, he could feel nothing at all of what little remained of the hivemind. He hadn’t realized it until that moment. Eclipse shivered, surely from the artificial breeze and the fading heating lights, indicating the start of the ship’s nightshift.
But he liked it here, didn’t he? He’d worked so hard for it. And people wanted him here! They did! He had friends. They talked to him when they saw him walking by or eating lunch. He even sat with them in classes, spoke to them. He wasn’t alone. But no one saw him up on the rocks. They all walked by, caught in their own lives. “See me, see me!” he pleaded with his mind, reaching out to the walkers. Yet not one turned their head. He wondered if there was a different hivemind aboard the ship, one that he was not a part of. One that made it easier for the others to talk to each other, to joke and laugh as though they were old friends. Maybe that was why he couldn’t.
He felt tiny arthropods climb up his arms and legs, and he brushed them away, reprimanding them. He wasn’t sure why he scolded them and brushed them away as though they were bothersome pets rather than bugs, but it felt good to talk. It was getting darker, and he could feel the bugs but he couldn’t see them. He wondered if he should descend, but he didn’t move. He simply watched the steady flow of people walking by. The bugs buzzed and crawled on him. He didn’t think he could get down the same way in the incoming darkness. On either side of the ledge was a cliff taller than the buildings surrounding it and to the left and right of where he sat were rock paths. He climbed all the way down their path in the daytime. He wondered if the bugs were biting him. He couldn’t feel them biting him but he kept seeing scabs on his legs whenever he changed the clothes that the ship required all the passenger’s wear. Not many on Shadow’s planet wore clothes, but Eclipse wasn’t opposed to them. He scratched at the brownish-green marks on his leg through his pants, hoping they wouldn’t start bleeding again as he did so.
It was fully dark now. Eclipse was getting cold. But he didn’t move. The lights that lit the pathways below did not illuminate the rocks next to him but they did make it so that his eyes refused to dilate to see the path. He wondered if he was just crawling with bugs at this point. Shouldn’t the artificial breeze blow them away? Slowly, carefully, he stood up on the rock. He felt unstable, but he didn’t know why. Maybe he was just cold. He turned on a flashlight he had brought in case of emergencies and made his way deeper into the tree covered rocks to a safer place to return to his residence. Sure, he could have teleported there, but he didn’t really feel like it.
When he arrived at his residence, he felt more tired than usual. Even on days when he’d done more physically, he didn’t feel quite as drained as he did at that moment. He didn’t cry though. He hadn’t cried when he’d left either. The Dark Arms did. He missed them a lot. Maybe he should have cried then. Maybe he should cry now. But he couldn’t. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he couldn’t feel things like that. Maybe there was something wrong with him. It was supposed to be normal and alright to cry. People told him that. Was it alright not to cry? They told him it was normal to be upset and homesick, but wasn’t he supposed to like it here better? Shadow’s planet wasn’t home! He’d never really wanted to be there! He didn’t cry. Rather, he fell asleep, faster than any night since he’d arrived.
It was stupid, really, what did it. It should have been as simple task; he knew the concept behind it. Yet everyone else working on their sections of the task were finished. Why wasn’t he? He knew how to this, he did. It had been a requirement for the position. And yet he was struggling so much with it for no apparent reason. Others came over to speak to him, aid him, yet their words had no meaning behind them. They spouted nebulous phrases, vague concepts that of course he already knew. He tried to explain what he didn’t know, but words were failing him. It wasn’t like he would be punished for not understanding, it was a training exercise, but it still felt so awful to fail at this. He failed at everything else on the planet, wasn’t he supposed to succeed here? He was supposed to be good at things here! He was supposed to belong here! He sighed and continued struggling through the work.
When he’d finally finished the task, slowly and likely improperly, he disappeared into a building. He intended to get a caffeinated beverage from a shop for the crewmembers. Shadow had introduced him to the concept of energy drinks, a type of beverage that most other species onboard had some version of, but Eclipse liked his drinks far sweeter than Shadow did. He didn’t know how Shadow could stomach the beans raw; Eclipse preferred his “coffee” to not taste like coffee whatsoever. Sometimes he’d “borrow” a cup of coffee from Team Dark’s apartment while they overreacted to his flashy appearance and mix two packets of hot chocolate mix in with the drink while Shadow grimaced, Rouge demanded he pay her back for the coffee he wasted (they both knew she wasn’t paying for it), and Omega shouted progressively more violent threats at him. It was their little game, at least for Eclipse. He wondered if they’d miss it. Probably not. He sighed and got in line at the shop that sold a beverage similar to the chocolate-y coffee he drank. He wanted something with a bit more energy after that awful experience.
“Could I get a frozen energy-punch cream?” he asked the worker behind the counter. It would make him feel better, he was sure of it. He was sure this had a simple solution.
“We’re out,” they said quickly, “Would you like…”
The worker began listing all the other items on their menu. Eclipse could hardly hear them. He took a deep breath. “No thank you. Thank you anyway.” He heard his voice crack as he backed away. Fuck. He descended down the stairs not far from the shop. Down, down, down, until he reached the bottom floor and saw the bookcases. Was this a library? He searched for a chair to sit in, to pretend to read something while he hid his face. The edges of his eyelids were wet. He wiped them with his shirt; it scratched on his face like sandpaper. He wished he’d brought the headphones in his room. He longed for words, to be spoken to, to listen to someone. His eyelids were sticky; he forced himself to take a deep breath. Why now? Why was it this that made him crack? Why did this stupid fucking library have no chairs? It didn’t feel right to cry now, like it was far too little too late. He paced the shelves, seeking a seat.
His eye was caught by a book, breaking his thoughts briefly. It was bright orange and next to a book which was emblazoned “Blood” in shiny metallic letters. Pulling it off the shelf, Eclipse opened the book to a random page. He was greeted by a drawing of an actor from a science fiction show that he’d seen Shadow watching sometimes when he definitely wasn’t spying on him. Neonard Limoy. It was so absurd that it distracted him from everything he’d been feeling. He was so focused on how absurd it was that the actor’s face was in the book that he even ceased to feel uncomfortable for a small moment. It was strange how that happened sometimes. He needed that book now. He ascended back up the stairs until he found a level with seats again.
He decided that this book, so randomly selected, must have some kind of magical properties. He was so abruptly distracted that it seemed impossible that he felt some semblance of fine again. Yet it was a fairly average book, not even about something he was particularly interested in. But he was engrossed so quickly, what was it? All that managed to distract him was a ping from the communicator distributed to the crewmembers. It was one of his new friends, inviting Eclipse to eat dinner with him at two hours ‘til nightshift. After such a strange fracture in his normality, he wondered how he already felt better. He pushed it to the back of his mind. He replied in the affirmative. He had something to look forward to now.
Later that night, he received another ping on his phone, this time from an unknown contact. He was in a far better mood after the dinner and rested in his room now. They had a kind of raw meat he particularly enjoyed that night and he’d enjoyed talking to the friend he’d met up with there. The message was a photo of his Dark Arms. Another message followed. “Tails’ expanded range of my phone to send messages,” it read, “Are you getting this?”
Shadow was messaging him? “Yeah,” he replied, “Why do you need to message me?”
“The Dark Arms want to hear from you. So they’re annoying the shit out of me.”
Eclipse snorted, “Clearly, they like me better. I’m gonna work with the residence people to get them out of your hair next time we come close to your stupid planet.”
“They miss you.”
“Who wouldn’t?” he lied via text.
There was a minute where the device registered Shadow as typing. Finally, a message came through. “Keep in touch,” it said simply.
Eclipse looked away from the phone. Shadow hadn't responded with any thing snarky or sarcastic. Maybe Shadow did miss him. Huh.
He looked out of the window in his room. The artificial breeze blew pleasantly, if not a bit cold. The chair he sat in wasn’t comfortable and the room was never quite the right temperature. But he liked it here. He was happy here. He believed it this time. It wasn’t quite as perfect as he’d thought it would be, but… maybe he did belong here.