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Sighs. She's been sighing the whole morning and didn't even notice. But someone did.
"What's wrong, baby?" Jeongin asks, his tone is sweet and his eyes show worrying. Hyunie hates that. It's because of her, because there's something wrong with her and her boyfriend thinks it's his fault.
It's not.
"Nothing, really. It's fine, I'm fine, I promise," she says and then gives a kiss to Jeongin.
"Hey, Hyunie, sis, how's everything going?" Jisung, her best friend, asks.
Oh, right. Sister. Hyunie.
Yep, that's her. Her chest hurts a little and her nails are pressing hardly against her palms.
She smiles slightly as she tries to keep her shit together —even if she doesn’t have a reason for being annoyed at the names, and her boyfriend frowns at that.
"Everything's okay, Ji, what about you? And Minho? How are you two doing?" Minho is Jisung’s terrifying boyfriend, he’s usually quiet and mean but he only has eyes for Han and that’s more than enough for Hwang.
Jisung starts talking about his boy and Hyunie just gets lost in her thoughts.
-
The bathroom.
Even if she doesn’t know the reason of her actions, she tries, really hard, to avoid the bathroom, because when she’s in there she feels a little suffocated.
She’d tried to convince herself that it’s only because of cleaning products smell. Nothing more. It doesn’t matter how much her stomach jumps in anxiety.
Hyunie goes inside the bathroom and meet some classmates inside who smile at her. They’re all pretty, some of them are dressed with skirts and others with dresses. One of them is putting make up on and looks amazing.
Her smiles shatters and suddenly she’s feeling unwell.
Why does she feel like this? She’s pretty. She wears skirts —even if all of them feel uncomfortable on her skin, and she also puts some make up on —it’s not a big deal how she cries herself to sleep after that. She’s a girl. A pretty and soft one. And that’s fine, really, she’s fine with herself, her body, her curves and inconvenient high height.
If she wasn’t comfortable, then her eyes will be watering. And they’re not.
They’re not fucking watering, because she is comfortable being a girl.
Hyunie gets out of the bathroom, she can’t even remember why she was there in the first place. She’s looking down so it’s not really a surprise when she, dumbly, walks into someone.
Yes, that’s exactly what she wanted. Crying for nothing at all and someone seeing her. Nothing could be better.
“Sorry,” it’s the only thing she murmurs and tries to walk away, but she’s being pulled by the arm.
But of fucking course things can be better, what kind of day would be if the universe can’t laugh, a little at least, at her?
“Hyunie? Baby? I’ve been looking for you around all the uni, what’s up?” Great. She had to walk into her boyfriend, great! Incredible! She can’t have more bad luck just because it’s not possible.
“N-nothing I just…” i’m tired, Jeong, i want to be fucking normal she’s willing to say, but she’ll not, because she is. She’s as normal as every other girl around. “I just got my new skirt dirty,” and then she cries a little, her eyes wet. She hates that damn skirt. It’s awful and it feels like shit in her legs.
“But you’re not wearing it today, my love,” and with that, Hyunie cries louder, trying to hide her face in her boyfriend’s shoulder.
“I-I did it yesterday! but I r-remember today!” that was the most pathetic excuse in the whole world but her boyfriend just hugs her, tightly.
Even if she doesn’t deserve it, because she’s been lying.
Even to herself.
She wants… just a little.
A little more of happiness.
-
It’d been a phase. Yeah, it had. Hyunie has been feeling more like herself lately, she doesn’t need to tell anyone anything, because she’s better and she’s even wearing a beautiful dress for her date with Jeongin today.
It was a phase and she’s fine now. She put some make up, even! (her heart hurt a little when she was doing it but it was because of the excitement of the date or whatever.)
Everything is exactly where it’s supposed to be.
So when her mother compliments her as “the most beautiful girl of the world” her heart doesn’t hurt. And when her little sister calls her “a princess” her smile doesn’t shatter. And when she sees Jeongin, so masculine and perfect, wearing jeans and a simple white t-shirt, she definitely doesn’t feel like throwing up. No! Of course no, it’d mean that it wasn’t a phase. And it was a phase.
Jeongin frowns a lot lately, she notices. He’s doing it now at the same time he’s walking towards her. She asks herself if she doesn’t look feminine enough or if he already knows what she’s been hiding all this time.
She really hopes it’s none of them.
“Hyunie? Baby, are you sick? You’re pale right now,” he asks, even his voice is so masculine. Right, because he’s a boy. Yeah.
Boys things.
Because Jeongin is a boy. A handsome one. The kind that mothers want for their daughters.
Their date went beautifully, they kissed a lot and Jeongin asked more than once if she really feels okay.
She does! Of course she does, she’s been feeling more like herself lately.
Later in the night, she throws up as silently as possible.
-
Hyunie enjoys shopping with her mom a lot.
She loves walking around the mall listening to the same music every Sunday and greeting old ladies at the clothes stores.
She also likes the fact that she’s not time to think about how her life feels as if a big dog had piss on it lately.
“Hyunie, baby, I have to look something for your uncle since it’s going to be his birthday soon, do you come with me or stay here?”
She doesn’t want to stand next to her mother for, at least, forty minutes more but neither does she want to stay alone, so she just walks along with her.
“Let´s go, mom, I can see something for Jeongie too,” and that is her first mistake.
Less than ten minutes in there and Hwang has already lost her mom. She’s no clue about where the older is, but knowing her, she’s probably looking even in the hidden corners of the store.
Hyunie thinks that her second mistake is being alone in this store. A men store.
She tries very hard to not look around but she ends up next to the men’s underwear.
Boxers.
She looks to her sides, too afraid about someone seeing her in this section and thinking she’s weird, but no one is interested enough to do it.
Hyunie extends her hand and touches the black boxer. It’s soft and it’s almost calling her name, asking her to take it home. She wonders if it’d be more comfortable than the panties she’s used to wear, if it’d let her see herself in the mirror again.
Maybe. Maybe if she was brave enough to take them she could finally-
“Hyunie, baby, where are you?” her mom speaks up and she retrocedes, terrified of herself, of her thoughts.
No. This is bad. She was doing better; she is doing better. She has to stop doing this, she has to stop being this way.
All her body hurts badly when she finally sees her mother. She wants to scream, to run and cry.
But she won´t. Because that would actually mean something.
And she’s fine. She really is.
-
It happens one morning in Jeongin’s apartment. Hyunie has been trying so hard to be okay. she doesn’t feel like coming back to the mall, like… ever. It doesn’t feel right for her. And she’s fine being as she is, a girl, really! And Jeongin, of course, he’s also good with her being a girl.
It’s all good, really.
She goes out of the bed, silently, trying not to wake her boyfriend up.
Someone knocks on the door and since she’s too lazy to put her clothes back on, she just puts Jeongin’s instead, she covers her short hair with the hoodie and goes to see who is there so early in the morning.
Even her boyfriend is sleeping and he’s an early person —she’d like to say the same for her, but she’s up right now just because her mind can’t be quiet, not even if she wills it to be.
She opens the door and the mailman smiles at her.
“Hey, man, your package is here,” he says.
Man.
“Hey…” she wants to correct him. ‘I’m a girl, but thanks’ but she doesn’t do it, she lets it slip.
“‘Kay, dude, enjoy your games,” and then he is gone, like he didn’t just destroy everything Hyunie’d been building all the past months.
Man. Dude.
Well, the words don’t mean anything for her, it’s fine, everything’s fine.
It is fine, but her heart hurts so much. Half of the pain is sadness, and the other half is happiness. Something so deep inside her that she shouldn’t be feeling.
Freedom.
At least that is what she’d call it.
She takes her phone as silently as possible and goes out of Jeongin’s apartment.
She needs time alone, she needs to think and to get the words out of her fucking head before it explodes.
Her throat hurts so bad it almost feels like someone had punched her.
Later in the morning Jeongin texts her and asks her where she is and if she’s fine, but Hyunie is too occupied crying in front of her (his?) tv watching 3 generations and making stupid quizzes like “am I trans?”
Two hours after that, she (he?) answers with a simple “ofc baby, I just remembered I had hw, ly.” And then proceed cry in a corner of the room.
-
Hyun —the provisory name instead of Hyunie, because even her (his?) name hurts, stands in front of the mirror.
“Am I a… boy?” she (he?) asks to the reflection.
The words sound too good out of her (his?) mouth.
His…
Maybe.
She (he?) let herself (himself?) dream about all of the possibilities.
And then she (he?) curls into a ball in the edge of her (his?) bed, crying as her (his?) only thoughts are Jeongin’s and his mother’s disappointed faces.
She (he?) ’s screwed. And they’re going to hate her (him?).
They’re going to hate her because she’s a monster, a sick… something. Not even a person. How can she be a person if she can’t even be happy with something as simple as her gender?
It hurts, it pains her (…his?) heart knowing that she is this way.
“Why am I like this?” she murmurs as the tears start falling from her (…his?) eyes.
-
Hyun sighs for the fifth time and with that, Jeongin closes the book with more strength than the necessary, scaring Jisung and Hyun.
“Okay, that’s it, that’s my limit,” he says and the best friends look at him confused. “Jisung, leave us alone, please.”
Hyun looks at his best friend and begs with his eyes to not leave them alone. If he does, Hwang will piss himself with one stare of Jeongin.
“What…?” Han asks but Jeongin’s stare is terrifying.
“Okay, geez, I guess I won’t be able to study for my history test because you’re kicking my ass off the fucking library,” he starts to talk. “Don’t have sex here because I won’t doubt to tell the principal.” Hwang really wishes it’d be about sex and not because Yang knows his secret.
He knows. Does he? Shit. That would be really bad.
Jeongin will hate him, because he knows, because he knows Hyun is sick and a monster and he will laugh, he will laugh at Hyun and will dump him. Then he will tell everyone about how Hwang is a fucking freak, a weirdo.
And then Han’s out and Hyun is alone with his boyfriend.
Which is not too bad (it really, really is) but he’s simply afraid (almost dying.)
What if he knows? What if he’s about to dump him in front of everyone? What if they all laughs at him for being like this? An… aberration.
“Um, w-what happened?” Hyun asks, willing himself to stop shaking, and his boyfriend’s eyebrows are up.
“Yeah, what happened? No, better, what is happening?” And that makes Hwang open and close his mouth, like a fucking fish.
Fuck, he knows.
No, no, this can’t be fucking happening.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he’s really trying to play dumb here because if Jeongin knows, he will lose him, and he’s not willing to do it. Even if it’s selfish and makes him a liar. Even if it only helps to grow Jeongin’s hate much more.
“Are you-” he sighs and looks like a little puppy. A hurt puppy, and Hyun’s heart trembles. “Are you cheating on me?”
What?
What?!
“No, of course I’m not, what makes you think that?” he asks, desperately. He doesn’t want his boyfriend to know his secret (his, shit that almost feels good but not as good as it would be from another mouth), but he doesn’t want to make him think he was cheating on him!
“Well, you’ve been strange lately, you look like you can’t stand being near me, you sneaked out of my apartment and I saw you crying and sighing these months more than I’ve ever seen you in the whole relationship,” the younger sighs and touches his neck, Hyun knows it’s because he’s feeling ashamed and insecure and the older hates himself for that. “And we’ve been together for almost two years.”
Two years. And he’s not capable of telling his boyfriend something so simple.
‘I’m not what you think…’
Well, no, not that simple, but still.
“I’m sorry for making you feel this way, I didn’t realize, my Jeongie, I will never cheat on you, I’ll never hurt you.” But he’s already doing it.
He’s doing it consciously. He’s being so fucking selfish and for what? Having Jeongin for five more minutes because he knows the boy will hate him after he comes out?
Yang looks him in the eyes and the older has to swallow hard.
“Then what is it? Am I doing something wrong? You don’t find me attractive anymore? Is that?” Gosh, Hyun is going to kill himself in the library’s bathroom for being this blind about his boyfriend’s feelings.
“No! Of course you’re not doing anything wrong! And you’re the most gorgeous man I’ve even met, baby.”
“Then what is it? Tell me, please, I don’t wanna lose you.”
You’re not. You’re not losing me, my Jeongie, you’re loving me and I don’t want you to stop doing it, I’m being so selfish and you deserve someone better, Hyun wants to say. But he remains silent, he doesn’t find any word to describe what has been happening to him.
And it continues like that for more minutes than Jeongin’s heart could take.
“Woah… okay, I get it, I guess,” the younger says as he’s putting his books on his backpack.
“Where are you going?” Hyun asks, he’s trying not to cry and he’s not sure he’s doing a great job.
“Going somewhere else,” he answers but his tone is not as sweet as always. He walks away a little and then turns around “Just to let you that this… this feels like you don’t want to make things up.” And then he’s out.
Later in the night, Hyun searches for names that feel like him and cries in his mom’s arms when he discovers the one. ‘I don’t wanna be a freak for the rest of my life mum, I wanna be happy with Jeongie on my side’ he wants to say.
She just smiles and touches his hair, even if she doesn’t understand what is happening. “It’s okay, baby, you two will make things up, you just gotta be honest.”
He sleeps with his mom’s voice saying “Baby.”
He can’t lose this, but he couldn’t stop his heart from beating at its whole force when he first read the name Hyunjin.
-
He sits so still that even his breathing is quiet.
Hae, his little sister, is eating as this is her last meal, but that doesn’t stop her from noticing him.
“What’s wrong with ya?” she asks with her mouth full.
Her mom laughs.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full, c’mon Hae.” The older woman says.
He breathes deep.
He can do this.
“Actually…” he starts, both women looking his way, giving him the silence to follow his speech.
‘Monster’ is said from somewhere in his head.
“I will, uh… like you to call me… Hyunjin? Like a… boy’s name. B-because I am… one.” he murmurs, watching his food. He didn’t even touch it; his stomach was too full of fear to fit anything else.
He can feel the tears on his eyes and he’s already so fucking tired of the non-stop crying he’s been doing ever since he let himself be.
Hae starts laughing. Loud and joyful, as he didn’t just pour his soul on the table at dinner time.
“Told ya he was in the closet, pay back mom.”
Hyunjin opens his mouth, kinda loss.
“What?”
“Sorry, we noted you looking sad, mamma said it was your grades, but I said it was something bigger, I just thought you liked girls, uh, wrong label, but right train of thought!” his sister explains.
He just blinks. Uh, well, at least Hae was good with him being like this.
Then, he turns to his mom to see her… crying?
The worry starts to bloom on him.
“Mom?” he calls. The woman just looks up, trying to stop the tears.
“I’m sorry baby.”
And, oh.
Well. It was a possibility. That she wouldn’t accept this. It is okay, if it wouldn’t, then he would be crying. And he’s not.
But he is. He is fully sobbing by the time his mother hugs him.
“Shh, baby, it’s okay, yeah? We’ll love you either way.”
Wait, what?
“B-but you were crying.”
Hae laughs again.
“Because she’s a Pisces like you!”
“I know, I know, but it just because I’m happy you’re telling us. This is something important, okay?”
His heart clenches.
“Okay.”
Hae joins the hug, squishing him in the middle.
“Our Hyunjin, my beautiful baby boy.” His mom says.
He tries to breath in between sobs and smiles.
-
Jisung sits quietly in the chair of Hyunjin’s room. They’re hanging out because Han knows about the discussion between him and Jeongin.
Yet, he hadn’t made any question.
“So…” Hwang starts and the younger just watches him, paying attention to what he’s about to say.
His throat is sore and his eyes are full of tears (again), he tries to say something, but he gags around air and saliva and has to stop himself from throwing up all his organs on the floor.
Hyunjin breathes, long and careful.
“I think… I-I’m not a… girl.” He says. His hands are shaking and as the silence grows in every space of the room, his heart breaks down.
‘Monster, abomination!’ his head chants as he closes his fists around nothing more than air.
“Cool.” He says and Hyunjin turns his head so fast that he thinks he may have broken his neck. “Is there any name you want me to call you? And what about pronouns?” Jisung asks after the silence. And he asks so casually that Hyunjin wants to cry and also ask if he had heard him well.
Yeah, he probably hasn’t heard him well the first time.
“I-I’m trans… That’s what I meant,” he manages to get out and Han just laughs a little.
“It’s okay, man, do you have a name? Because there’s just an amount of ‘bro’s’ I can say per day, Minho’s counting them.”
That was…a joke?
He doesn’t even know when he’s started crying, but Jisung is quickly to be over him, hugging him tightly and asking if he said something wrong.
“It-it was a joke, I can call you bro all you want, don’t cry, please,” Han says and then Hyunjin has to laugh because he has the fucking best friend in the whole world.
“I’m definitely not crying because you won’t call me bro, dickhead, I’m crying because you’re really sweet,” his voice is a little whisper in between his sobs.
“You’re so Pisces coded it’s giving me a headache,” Jisung says but hugs him tighter anyways.
After a while, when Hyunjin could calm down and stop sobbing, he faces his best friend and is welcomed with a smile.
He feels safe and loved. For the first time in months. All those long hours alone with his thoughts made him think he was sick. Now, being around someone other than himself, he can think that maybe he’s a monster, but he can work through it, mold himself to not be so bad.
And even with all those feelings, he feels ashamed about saying his name out loud, so he whispers:
“Hyunjin.”
“What?”
“That’s my chosen name,” he says and his best friend just lets out a quiet oh.
“It’s so lame it fits you,” and then Hyunjin hits the other’s arm, laughing at the dramatic faces Jisung’s putting.
“What about Jeongin?” Hwang asks later, feeling anxious about not talking with his boyfriend for more than two days.
Two days. Fuck. Hyunjin didn’t even tried to hide how depressed he’s been feeling for the last 48 hours.
“What about him?” Han looks confused, but then says: “Is this about what you were fighting at the library? Was he transphobic or something? Because I could definitely punch him in the face or whatever you want me to do.”
“Please, we both know that you can’t take Jeongin on a fight… Or anyone,” Jisung’s face shows irritation and Hyunjin laughs. “However, Minho will probably take any punch for you and then you’ll have to take care of him.”
Hwang starts imagining a scenario where Yang says transphobic things to him. Would it happen? Will Jeongin break up with him and call him a bunch of names? But no. Jeongin is not that kind of person. Maybe he’ll just break up with him and walk away.
That is even worse.
“Well, that could work, I can dress in a nurse costume and take him and not in a fight,” Han says and take the older out of his thoughts.
“That’s disgusting, keep your shit for you and you only, thank you very much.”
“Talking seriously…”
“Wow, should I record this? This might not happen ever again,” Hyunjin jokes and the younger frowns.
“Remember you’re a guy now, I can kick your ass if I want,” and… Wow. Hyunjin is a guy. His chest burns in excitement and happiness.
“Okay, okay, continue please.”
“As I was saying before an asshole interrupted me… Jeongin loves you, with his whole heart and soul. He wants you to be well, everyday at every hour and every fucking second because he’s in love with you and your shitty personality,” Hyunjin may be crying but he’s not sure. “And if he’s smart enough, he’ll love you anyway, girl, doggy or a boy with a lame name and zero intelligence in math.”
“Hey! That was uncalled for…” Han laughs a little and Hwang sighs. “But you might be right… And anyways I can’t hide forever from him.”
Jisung nods in agreement.
The two of them lays in bed in silence.
“Was it true?” the older speaks finally.
“What? About the nurse costume? Because I’ve been waiting for you to say that you’ll come with-
“No,” Hwang interrupts him. “Is Hyunjin… a lame name?”
Han laughs so loud that Hyunjin’s mother goes to his room to see what’s happening just to be met by Jisung on the floor and her son as red as a tomato.
Later in the night, Hyunjin sleeps surrounded by Jisung smell as he’s hugging him. He also sends a message to Jeongin asking if they can talk.
-
“What if he doesn’t want to see me again after this?” Hyunjin asks for fifth time. His mom and Jisung look at him with tired eyes.
“Gosh, when my parents got divorced I was less dramatic.” Han says and his mother laughs.
Somewhere in the hazeeeeeeeee, got a sense I’ve been betrayeeeeeeeddd
“I’m really sorry for being sad about my break up with the love of my life because I’ve recently discovered I’m a trans man!”
“You’re not gonna break up, Hyunjin, don’t be silly, he loves you,” his mom says but he can’t cope with all those guilty feelings on his throat.
He’s been lying to his boy for more than a few days. He’s been lying to him for months. (He’s been lying to himself too but that’s something to talk about with his psychologist.)
Maybe he deserves being dumped.
-
Jeongin stands perfectly handsome next to his entrance. Hyunjin himself recommended this place because he can run away if something goes wrong. Well, that and that Jeongin’s apartment is full with memories, good times when they were happier than ever.
Maybe Hyunjin wanted to be here for the last time.
Today the older is not using a dress or a skirt or any make up. He’s wearing jeans and a Jeongin’s hoodie, because his boyfriend perfume makes him feel less nervous.
“Here was our first date and our first time, you know that, right? That’s why you chose it? Or is it just because you can go away from here and you can’t if we talk at your house?” Yang asks when Hwang is close enough. His voice sounds like nothing had happened between them and in a way, it makes Hyunjin feel better, but also feels like the other sees right through him.
“Y-yeah, here was our first date, it brings me good memories…” his voice, on the other hand, was shaky and it sounded like he’s about to cry.
“Are you breaking up with me where we first dated? Where we took each other virginity? At my own place? Just… let’s go somewhere else, please.” Jeongin asks and the question sounds unreal to Hyunjin.
The older frowns noticeable.
“No, of course I’ll not break up with you here,” he says, then his heart drops at the thought that it’d be the otherwise. “But you’ll probably do.”
It’s the turn for Jeongin to frown.
“Did you cheat on me?”
“No! I’d never be capable of doing such a thing.”
“Do you still love me?”
Hyunjin looks at him a bit surprised. He knows he’s been a shitty partner but only because he was in a crisis. He didn’t think he’d not taken care of Jeongin lately, because he had. Tried to, at least.
Maybe not efficiently.
“More than you could ever imagine.”
Jeongin reaches out for his hand and takes it tightly.
“Let’s not break up, baby, I love you so mu-
For the first time in all those months, Hwang lets himself cry in front of his boyfriend without any stupid excuse. It’s sudden, but his chest has been hurting for what feels like forever, his head just keeps repeating that he’ll be heartbreak for how this turns out and he feels like he can’t breathe due to how hard he involved his boobs with some cloths.
“I’m trans.”
‘Abomination, monster.’
The silence grows between them. Jeongin doesn’t let go his hand but keeps quiet, making Hyunjin think the worst scenarios.
The older thinks there’s no enough oxygen and there’s dizziness all over his head.
“I know, baby.”
Hwang looks straight on his boyfriend’s eyes which are full of love, but he feels like he’s about to die. Maybe he will. If he doesn´t take that damn cloth off.
“W-what the fuck do you mean with ‘I know’? Did- Did Jisung told you?!” His voice is higher than he expected, but Jeongin doesn’t look affected, he even touches Hyunjin’s cheeks in a delicate way.
“I didn’t know Jisung knew,” he says, his voice dropped two tones, being almost a whisper.
“W-well, I need to complain about my future break up with someone,” Hwang feels suffocated and embarrassed and the stare his boyfriend’s giving him also makes him feel smaller.
Yang sighs.
“Baby, you have your laptop here, on my house.”
And what does it have to do with any of this?
“And?”
The younger laughs a little.
“I wasn’t sure why you were so sad lately, I’ve been wanting to know since day one. Then, the other day I was looking for my final project, you know, the one I did on your laptop…” Hyunjin can’t tell where this is going yet. “And your recent searches were ‘Am I trans quiz’.”
Oh.
Oh.
Hwang Hyunjin is a fucking idiot.
“I was waiting for you to be ready to tell me, but then we had a fight and I thought it was because of sum else,” Jeongin looks him into the eye. “Of course, there’s a considerable amount of other hints I could recall, but nothing too serious.”
Hyunjin’s still crying. His eyes hurt and he has to breathe by the mouth, but his chest feels too closed.
“Jeongin…”
“Yeah?”
“I might pass out right now if I you don’t let me enter and take this cloth off.”
“I think we should talk before sex.”
“What ar- it’s not about sex, silly! I’m wrapped in cloths to make my chest less prominent, but I think it was a bad idea.”
A really bad idea, he can feel the dizziness in his head.
Jeongin opens his eyes in surprise and hurries to bring him inside, helping him taking off his clothes, untangling the white cloth around his boobs.
“There, are you okay now?” he asks, letting his hand roam around Hyunjin’s back, comforting him.
The older takes a moment to breath freely.
Stupid boobs. He will definitely cut them off at any given chances.
“What do you mean with ‘hints’?”
He can’t even begin to wrap his head around the fact that Jeongin knew. No, Jeongin has known this entire time.
He did give himself away, huh. What an idiot.
Yang touches his neck, and smiles slightly.
“Uh, well, you would frown every time someone called you a girl nickname, and you were really upset that time you were to the bathroom. I stick with ‘baby’ because you seemed upset with your name too, um, the old one, I mean. Then the quiz just confirmed it, but, yeah. Also…” he tells, his eyes shining at Hyunjin. “I know you, okay? Even if I didn’t catch on all of that, I’d eventually know something was wrong, because all my attention goes to you, okay, baby?”
Hyunjin bites his lip, trying to not to cry (even more.)
He nods.
“Okay.” He accepts. “It’s… Hyunjin. But if it’s too soon or weird, you don’t need to…
Jeongin kisses his check.
“Hello, Hyunjin. I’m Yang Jeongin and I’m in love with you.”
Hyunjin is in love. Even after all these years and all those problems.
Even if he’s a…
He looks at his boyfriend’s soft smile.
No.
Not a monster, just a boy.
A later bloomed one, but a boy either way.
“Hello, Jeongin. I’m Hwang Hyunjin and I’m a boy.” He chocks out. “And I’m also pretty much in love with you.”
They kiss, sweet and slow, trying to pass all their love to the other, as if they don’t know already.
Hyunjin takes a step back, a smile growing on his face.
“I… uh. Will obviously use all your clothes now.” He warns out.
Jeongin laughs, his beautiful eyes closed and his pretty teeth in sight.
“It’s okay, my boyfriend has every right to use everything that’s mine.”
Boyfriend.
Right. Because he’s a boy.
Yeah, he can live like this, he’ll definitely do it.
His chest hurts just a little, but thinking about his family, Jisung and Jeongin, he knows it’ll we fine.
‘When is a monster not a monster? When you love it.’
Yes. Hyunjin’s not a monster. It just took a lot of love for him to see it.