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It'll be fine by dusk light, I'm telling you, baby
These things eat at your bones and drive your young mind crazy
Logan had known it was coming for a while.
It was only a matter of time before they sacked him and found someone who could get them points. He had seen enough of the headlines and knew those must have come from somewhere. James had yelled at him enough to know the truth.
Horner offers Williams a replacement for Logan Sargeant.
James Vowles shares how Alex Albon has suffered from partnering with Logan Sargeant.
Could Williams drop Logan Sargeant before the end of the season?
Red Bull ‘would be open’ to loaning Lawson to Williams.
Truth was, he had been expecting the call for months. He still wasn’t prepared for the day it came.
“Logan, I’m sorry.” James had apologized, in a tone that didn’t quite sound sincere. “It’s just what we have to do. We can’t suffer like this anymore.”
And that had been that. No conversation, no compromises or negotiations. There was nothing he could do, and it hurt like hell. He had always been the weak link. He was the reason Williams could never make it into points. He was the reason they had been suffering. That was exactly how James had phrased it.
That was exactly what James had been telling him for months. There was no, you’ll do better next time. There was no support, no offers of help. No asking if he was okay after a rough race. No, they were past all that.
He was nothing more than a thorn in the side of Williams and their “former glory,” as James had put it.
And Logan believed it.
But when you place your head between my collar and jaw
I don't know much, but there's no weight at all
Logan dreaded waking up that morning.
August 27, 2024.
He dreaded opening Instagram, or even just turning on his phone.
His notification wall was filled with hundreds of text messages from friends, family, other drivers, and ex-teammates from his time in F2 and F3. Screenshots of headlines and Instagram posts, apologies for the pain that Logan must be experiencing right now, and dozens of missed phone calls, no doubt trying to see if Logan was okay.
That was a stupid question.
Because looking at the big, bold words that said “BREAKING: LOGAN SARGEANT DROPPED FOR REMAINING RACES,” how could anyone wonder if he was okay?
How could he be okay when James lied in his statement?
“We’d like to thank Logan for everything he has done the past two seasons.
He will remain a member of the Williams family and we will be supporting him to continue his racing career.”
Those words swirled around in Logan’s head, and he felt the unexplainable urge to wrap his hands around James’ neck and wait for the light to disappear from his eyes. Well, maybe it wasn’t unexplainable. Maybe he deserved it.
Either way, the words made him feel sick to his stomach.
He was never going to get support from them again, hadn’t been supported by them in a long time. And on the off chance James wasn’t lying, Logan didn’t think he wanted to be backed by them anymore.
He muted his phone and set it down, before rolling over to watch Oscar sleep. He looked so peaceful like this, so innocent and unaware of what was going on in their world right now. Logan brushed a piece of hair out of Oscar’s face, wishing it was this easy for him to just ignore the news.
He wished he could be clueless about what was going on.
Oscar made a soft noise, slowly waking up, and Logan gave him a soft smile. “Hi, Osc.” He murmured, earning a sleepy smile from Oscar. “Did you sleep okay? You seemed pretty tired last night when you stumbled in at 2 am.”
The Australian groaned softly. “Don’t remind me.” He grumbled. “I’m killing Lando next time I see him. Couldn’t he have won on a weekend that wasn’t a double header? I’m never going to recover before Thursday.”
And that’s when it finally hit Logan, someone had punched him in the stomach and forced all the air out of his lungs.
Zandvoort had been his last race. He was never going to step foot in a Formula One car again.
He could feel the tears burning in his eyes, and it was only a moment before Oscar could tell. “Logan?” He sat up suddenly, visibly concerned. “Logan, are you okay? Did something happen?” And Logan wanted to answer. Really, he did. But the words felt like they were lodged in his throat, stopping his vocal cords.
He knew Oscar had his hands on the sides of his face, but he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything like he was behind a thin sheet of glass.
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
'Cause if I say I miss you, I know that you won't
Logan let out a broken sob. “Osc, they- they-” Oscar grabbed him, pulling him in and wrapping tight arms around him. He tried to breathe, really he did. It just turned into dry, heaving sobs, to the point where he felt like he was going to throw up.
He could feel Oscar running his fingers through his hair, a calming gesture that always seemed to work wonders for Logan.
Eventually, he found his voice again, hoarse and watery, but found. “They aren’t letting me finish the season, Osc.” He whispered. “They- They said they just can’t continue to suffer with me. I’m holding them back.”
Oscar let out a harsh scoff, not directed at Logan, but at Williams. “It’s their shit team management that’s holding them back. Oh, and the fact that their engineers can’t build a car. But, Lo, it’s not you. It’s never been you.”
“Then why does it feel like it was me? Why- Why do I feel like it’s all my fault?” And Logan meant it. He felt that, deep down, this was all his fault.
“They manipulated you. James verbally abused you until you believed it! They wanted you to feel like this because they needed someone to take the blame.” Oscar reached out, taking Logan’s hands gently. “But I promise, it’s not your fault.”
Logan looked into Oscar's eyes, searching for the truth. He wanted to believe Oscar's words, but the weight of the situation made it hard for him to fully accept them.
“I’m going to miss it, Osc.” He whispered. “Is that weird? That I’m going to miss people and a place that hurt me so much?”
“I think it would be weirder for you to not miss them,” Oscar reassured him gently. “They were your first taste of F1. And yeah, it was a pretty bad taste, and yeah, it might seem sour now. But there are other teams. You have other options. Remember what I said? You could be my WAG.”
Logan looked up suddenly and slapped Oscar in the arm weakly. “Shut the fuck up, you idiot .” He chided, but he was smiling. “I’m not going to be a WAG! I’ll figure something out, but that’s, like, literally so low on my list of options, you don’t understand.”
That earned him a pout from Oscar.
“You don’t want to spend every weekend hanging out with me in the McLaren garage, annoying Lando, making out in my driver’s room…” Logan knew Oscar was baiting him, but if he was being honest, the offer sounded pretty tempting.
He would have given the world to spend every weekend in the same garage as Oscar, being there to hug him at the end of every race without the elephant in the room that was Logan not being in points. And now… well, he had the chance to do it. At least for a little bit. Logan smiled softly, nodding. “I kinda like the sound of that.” Oscar instantly perked up, and Logan quickly added, “But you can’t call me a WAG. Got it?”
Oscar gave him another pout. “Come on, I think it’s funny,” Oscar argued, and Logan rolled his eyes, kissing the stupid pout off of his face.
But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun
Something in the orange tells me we're not done
The two boys lay in bed for a long time, whispering and giggling, until eventually, Oscar fell back to sleep again.
Logan watched the sunrise alone, but that was okay with him. Because there was something about the shades of orange in the sky that gave him hope. It felt… comforting, in a sense. The orange in the sky, covering up the blue that would come later in the day, served as a reminder to him.
A reminder that he still had a home that wasn’t with Williams.
His perfect home was sitting, or rather, lying next to him, in an orange McLaren merch shirt, koala eyes closed and a soft look on his face. Eventually, the McLaren garage would be his home too.
And yeah, he would miss Williams some days. When he saw those two blue cars in the bottom ten, when he saw the stupid rookie walking around the paddock, talking to all the people who never gave him the light of day, he would miss Williams.
But there would be a day when those were all forgotten.
There would be a day, somewhere in the future, where one day, the color blue wouldn’t remind him of the pain he went through there. There would come a day when he could see Franco around the Paddock and give him a smile. Eventually, there would be a day when he could joke around with Alex again without feeling a twinge of anger for the fact that Williams had ruined this for him.
His time at the Paddock was never going to be done until he decided it was done.
That’s what the sunrise stood for: A promise. A promise to heal and to grow.
To you, I'm just a man, to me, you're all I am
Where the hell am I supposed to go?
I poisoned myself again, something in the orange
Tells me you're never coming home
If you leave today, I'll just stare at the way
The orange touches all things around
The grass, trees, and dew, how I just hate you
Please turn those headlights around