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Chapter Text

It’s something all Ajin have to go through - even ones like themselves, though Yue Qi and Xiao Jiu are nothing particularly notable. Humans stand on top, and crush the Ajin below, yet are willing and ready to take advantage of any special powers, any abilities that may crop up. It is the way of the world, and it is unfair. Hell, Xiao Jiu says, but that's a strong word.

Yue Qi’s ears twitch, and he glances at Xiao Jiu as they’re ushered into line. The younger boy is scowling, his cat ears flattened against his head as his tail twitches with agitation behind him, and Yue Qi reaches back without thinking. He has to face the front and can’t watch him, but he feels the claws dig into his skin, feels Xiao Jiu clutch at him and squeeze his hand tightly. It’s pain, but it’s a good pain.

They hand out cups, one by one - a drug, they say, to test for special abilities. Xiao Jiu has whispered ideas of what else it could be, of how it could be a lie, but Yue Qi thinks it really is just that.

It doesn’t make it good, but it does make it just that.

The humans watch each child carefully - there’s no way to pretend, no way to take a sip and then spit it out, to empty your cup on the floor and let it all disappear into the wood. He doesn’t like this.

It’s Yue Qi’s turn, and he drinks.

It tastes like nothing. Water, almost, just the faint hint of something else, but that’s it. He blinks up at the humans and they take the cup and literally shove him along. He stumbles, catches himself, but he’s relieved. No change. No nothing.

He turns and he watches Xiao Jiu.

Xiao Jiu takes his cup and he drinks, ears twitching - Yue Qi can see it in him, how his eyes flicker, how he’s taking everything in, and he swallows. No way to spit it out.

For one brief moment, nothing happens. Nothing changes. Nothing is different.

And then Xiao Jiu doubles over, wheezing.

Panic claws up Yue Qi’s throat and he rushes to his side. “Xiao Jiu!” The cat Ajin is wheezing, gasping for air and when he glances up at Yue Qi, the whites of his eyes have turned jet black, and bloody tears drip from the corners of his eyes. Yue Qi can barely breathe in his panic and he thrashes, struggling as the humans grab him, and yank him away. “No! Xiao Jiu!”

They grab him, too, except it’s more clear - Yue Qi is just being pulled off of him. Xiao Jiu is being pulled away. They’re dragging him away as he chokes and gasps and Yue Qi fights for all his might but he can’t do anything, can’t get away. “Xiao Jiu!” he cries again, and he’s shaking, entire body trembling as tears well up in his eyes. “Where are they taking him!? Is he okay!?”

One of the humans holding him gives him a shake, to try to quiet him. “He has powers, idiot. He’ll go to the palace.”

No, no, no, no! “Xiao Jiu!” Yue Qi calls, one more time. “Wait for me, Xiao Jiu, wait for me!”

He sees Xiao Jiu’s eyes one last time, black and frightened, and then he’s out of the room. He’s gone. Xiao Jiu is gone.

The fight goes out of him, and the humans let him go with a disdainful huff, one of them kicking at his leg and sending the dog Ajin tumbling to the ground. Yue Qi feels cold. Ice cold, even as the humans start up the line again. He should go, he knows he should go, but he can’t make himself move. He stares at the wood beneath his fingers and the tears fall one by one by one.

Xiao Jiu is gone. Taken, to serve at the palace - to serve one of the princes, maybe, Xiao Jiu is clever and smart enough to know that’s a good place to be. But what… what happens if Xiao Jiu isn’t chosen by a prince? What happens then? And how can he know any of these things?

He lets himself cry. He goes and sits in a corner of the room and he cries, just a little bit, just enough to get back under control. Stupid Qi-ge, he imagines Xiao Jiu scolding him. Get up! Figure this out!

“I will, Xiao Jiu,” Yue Qi mumbles, and he wipes his eyes.

He asks around - other Ajin know more. They have parents with information, and are happy to brag as long as he smiles and looks impressed. It’s the fourth prince who needs a beast servant. If Xiao Jiu doesn’t get chosen, he’ll be returned - but if he does get chosen, he’ll live in the lap of luxury as a beast-servant. As a slave. As a pet. No, Xiao Jiu won’t get to say no, and why would he?

The only way into the palace for an Ajin is as a beast-servant, or as a guard.

Yue Qi thanks them, and he leaves.

Xiao Jiu is not returned to him. Yue Qi isn’t sure how long he has to wait for something like that, but everyone in the city is tested, and Xiao Jiu is not returned. Every chance he gets, he goes to look at the palace. There’s no way in, no crack in defenses, nothing that will penetrate those high walls, but it gives him comfort to know that Xiao Jiu is on the other side.

He hopes he’s eating well. He hopes the prince is kind, and is treating him well, and that maybe the Fourth Prince will go on a trip outside of the palace walls and take Xiao Jiu with him and then Qi-ge can see him, just once, just briefly. It’s a futile hope, maybe, one that Xiao Jiu would chide him for, but he hopes it. One of the guards, a nicer one who is also an Ajin, confirms for him that the fourth prince’s beast-servant is a black cat Ajin, “a scrappy little thing”, and Yue Qi tries to make himself happy with the knowledge.

When Yue Qi is older, and able to join the military, he will. He will work until he can manage a guard position, will make his way there somehow, and will enter the palace. Yue Qi has to see Xiao Jiu again. He has to. It's already been a few months, and he doesn't know how long it will be before he can see him, but he will. He will. 

He stares up at the palace walls, and he hopes.

“Say… did you hear?” says one of two humans, who pause in their walk to look up as they pass the palace walls. “It looks like a beast-servant got killed.”

“Oh my, whose?”

“The fourth prince’s, it seems.”

“Who would ever kill a prince’s beast-servant? That’s risky! For what…?”

“I heard that the fourth prince did it himself. That Luo Binghe…”

This world... really is hell.

When the tears stop, when his body can’t make anything more, Yue Qi feels nothing. Night is approaching, and it’s cold by this corner of the alley that he’s wedged himself into, but that’s fine. Maybe if he freezes, he’ll see Xiao Jiu. Maybe if he rots here, he won’t have to keep going.

Yue Qi closes his eyes, and presses his forehead against his knees, taking in a wet, shuddering breath. But Xiao Jiu wouldn’t want to be forgotten. If Yue Qi dies here, no one will remember him, not in the way that he should be remembered. No one will remember the quirk of his mouth when he’s being clever but trying to hide it, the way he knows to tip his head to look even more cute when they beg, the way he snaps and snarls and acts like he wants to be alone but keeps his grip firmly in Yue Qi’s robes as if daring him to try to pull away. Who else will remember that?

Ice touches his cheeks, and Yue Qi looks up into Xiao Jiu’s eyes.

It’s not a ghost. Not a memory, but a dream, and still Yue Qi leans into the touch. Xiao Jiu looks just as he did the day he left, eyes black and blood streaking his cheeks. Don’t you dare give up, Qi-ge, he says, and Yue Qi finds more tears in him.

“Xiao Jiu,” he cries, speaking to no one but himself. “I can’t- I don’t-”

He imagines the way that Xiao Jiu would touch him and curls his nails into one wrist, sharp and grounding, snappy and scolding, just like his little cat. The dream caresses his cheek, but he feels nothing. Kill him for me, Qi-ge. You can’t let him live. I’ll never forgive you.

The fourth prince.

Yue Qi wakes, tears on his cheeks. He’s cold, shivering, the night fully upon him - but he feels warmer inside, hotter. The fourth prince. Luo Binghe. He killed Xiao Jiu.

He wipes at his eyes and forces himself to stand. Yes. If it’s the last thing he does, he’ll get into that palace.

Don’t worry, Xiao Jiu. Qi-ge will kill him.

Chapter Text

Yue Qi is clutching the hand within his grasp with all his might. His grip is tight, tense - he can’t let go. Won’t let go. Shen Jiu coughs once, blood trickling from his mouth. “Yue Qi,” he whispers. “Run.”

And then his face is salt, just like the rest of them, and Shen Jiu is gone.

The hand within his grasp is brittle, and Yue Qi has to relax his grip - it makes no difference. One moment, he is Shen Jiu, weakly spitting out his last words. The next, he is a perfect salt statue of the person that Yue Qi loves.

Then that statue is gone, too, crumbling away into nothing. Yue Qi clutches at that hand, hoping desperately to keep even just that intact, to have something, but it turns into nothing in his palm. Salt. Salt.

His hands are filled with the salt that is Shen Jiu, and Shen Jiu is gone.

“A pity,” says the voice from behind him. “He was good at his job. Until you came along.”

Yue Qi feels hollowed out, feels empty. There is nothing in this world that he cares about without the boy who is nothing but salt before him. “You…” What can he say? What can he do?

Behind him, dragging a salt-encrusted sword over the ground, Wu Yanzi laughs. “He would have been fine, if only he could kill you.”

That was the problem, wasn’t it? That Shen Jiu hadn’t killed him. Couldn’t have killed him. If Yue Qi had died the moment they met, as he was supposed to, fallen at the executioner’s blade… then Shen Jiu would still be alive.

Oh, he thinks. I see, he realizes.

He turns slightly and faces Wu Yanzi. “I’m not going to die here,” he tells him.

The man laughs. The salt crawls further up the blade, towards his hand gripping the hilt, but he doesn’t seem to care. “Really?” he asks. “You’re going to stop me?”

Yue Qi’s mouth sets, firm. He brings up his fingers to his temple like a gun - he doesn’t think there’s guns here, he doesn’t think Wu Yanzi will even recognize the gesture, but he does it anyway. Gun to his head. “Only Shen Jiu gets to kill me,” he says. Bang goes his fingers.

Bang goes his magic.

The world goes black.

Yue Qi is having… a really, really strange day. In the morning, there was nothing special. He was heading to school - only a few days before graduation! - taking his usual walk, and then the ground turned into a giant circle of light and swallowed him up.

Yeah. He did say strange.

And then he was in an ancient palace before an emperor and his court and apparently he has… a power here? Of some sort? That the emperor wants to utilize in some fashion? Honestly, he was kind of freaking out a bit too much to pay proper attention. He’d get more details the next day.

They gave him his own room and told him not to worry, that there were guards outside and no one would touch him. Yue Qi didn’t even think anyone was after him - who knew he was here? - so he got the message.

Don’t run. You can’t go anywhere.

His room is nice, some guest room in a palace, up on the… third floor. They didn’t want to risk him jumping out the window, he guesses, which if he were desperate he might do from the second floor.

Why do they want him? How is any of this real? And how does he get back home?

He wants to go home. Graduation is coming up, and Yue Qi wants to be there for that, given how hard it was to even get there. He wants to hear Qi Qingqi tease him and help him in turn as she rolls her eyes, wants Liu Qingge to stand at his side in that quiet way of his, gaze never anything less than intense, wants to hear Shang Qinghua mutter the most nonsensical things as he reads porn in broad daylight. He wants to curl around that hole in his life, that gaping void that feels like it’s always been there and yet not, nurturing it as he pushes through life to seek what will fill it.

Yue Qi wants to go home.

Just in case, he opens his window, and looks out. The drop is too far - he doesn’t really understand these powers that he supposedly has, and if they’d even help him. There’s no way down from here.

He leaves the window open and flops down on his bed with a sigh. What should he even do…? Cooperate, and hope that means they’ll send him back after…? He’s not that optimistic.

There’s a sound from the window, and Yue Qi sits up.

A boy stands, crouched on the sill. He wears a servant’s uniform, one that Yue Qi saw today in the palace, but his eyes don’t look like those of a servant’s. Focused... dangerous. The boy scans the room, and he and Yue Qi lock eyes. They’re dark, intense, and something within Yue Qi clicks.

In an instant, that void is filled. In an instant, that gaping hole is no longer empty.

The boy leaps down from the sill, a dagger in one hand as he offers the other one to Yue Qi. “I’m Shen Jiu, and I’m here to get you out,” he says, voice harsh. “I can get you home. Come with me.”

He knows two things, and he doesn’t know how he knows them.

First - he loves Shen Jiu. He can’t even begin to explain it, but he does. In a single moment, a single instant, he would do anything for him. Yue Qi has been searching for him his whole life, and he’s finally found him.

Second - Shen Jiu is lying . Every word except for his name is a lie, and Yue Qi knows this. He knows Shen Jiu is here to kill him. He also knows it doesn’t matter.

He realizes he’s staring. “Okay,” he says, and he takes Shen Jiu’s hand.

Chapter Text

Wen Qing is drawing when Wen Ning walks in. “Jiejie,” he complains, dropping down on a cushion next to them. “You’ve got to help me. I gave Wei Wuxian a cutsleeve complex!” Not that he really blames Wei Wuxian, because it’s very strange to think about as a straight man himself, but it’s weird for him because he knows from the book that Wei Wuxian is a cutsleeve. Or maybe just a cutsleeve for Lan Wangji?

He gets it, because Lan Wangji is so beautiful that of course even a straight man would like him, so maybe that’s what’s going on with Wei Wuxian, but he also doesn’t know how to help because Wei Wuxian is making a lot of sense, actually.

Wen Qing shoots him a withering look. “I do not care about the relationship drama between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji,” they say.

Wen Ning huffs. “Come on. You read the whole book, too! Surely you cared at least a little bit!”

They scowl down at their paper, because they really hate admitting when they like something, and they sigh. “Xichen says that Lan Wangji is upset about being avoided, even if he hasn’t come out and said it. Tell Wei Wuxian that. He doesn’t want to make him sad, at least.”

He grins. “Thanks, Jiejie.” It’s quiet for a moment as Wen Qing shakes their head and draws another line on their paper. Wen Ning wants to look, but doesn’t yet, contemplating. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Lan Xichen, huh?”

“Mm.” They don’t look up, focused. “A marriage alliance with him may be a good way to survive this story.”

Wen Ning turns pink and can’t help but gape a little. “You- what?”

They look up now, setting their brush down with a sigh. “I did tell you that was a strategy, before.”

“Yes, but-” Wen Ning can’t help but flail a little, though he at least keeps the flailing inside. He just feels like he’s doing it. “I didn’t think you were really serious. And why Lan Xichen?” It’s not that he has anything against Lan Xichen, he just doesn’t get why Lan Xichen.

Wen Qing rolls their eyes. “I’m not interfering in any couples in the story, so that leaves out Jin Zixuan, Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Yanli,” they say. “And I’m not stupid enough to marry into the Jins. That leaves the Nies and Lan Xichen as the only ones with enough power to perhaps make a difference, and…” They trail off, and Wen Ning sits, impatient and waiting. “He… reminds me of my Qi-ge.” 

That last line is very quiet, and Wen Ning stills at that. They’ve… mentioned their Qi-ge before. When everything came clean, when it came to light they both had memories of different lives, of different worlds, and had both read this book. Wen Qing - Shen Jiu - had asked if maybe there could be anyone else, and mentioned their Qi-ge. He’s seen drawings Wen Qing has made before, carefully done, and he knows this person haunts their every step.

“...Were you in love with your Qi-ge?” he asks carefully, softly.

Wen Qing doesn’t say anything at first. They press their lips together, look over at the wall, and exhale. “It was… complicated,” they say, and then they stop.

He scoots a little closer until their legs touch, a comforting warmth, and knocks their shoulders lightly together. “Tell me about him?” he asks.

What little Wen Qing has revealed of their past has been… nothing good, and yet this is one thing, one person, they are fixated on. He wants to know.

It’s a long, tense moment. “We… grew up together,” they say slowly. “It was… not a good situation. He was able to get away and promised that one day, he would come back for me. He never did. I thought that he had forgotten and abandoned me, but…”

Wen Ning waits a moment before prompting. “But?”

They sigh. It’s been years, and Wen Ning thinks it’s the only reason they can talk about this. Almost two decades since their past life. He remembers when they were both young, before they realized who each other were, and how… tense, how wary, how everything his Jiejie was. He had thought it just from growing up under the light of Wen Ruohan, but now he knows better.

“I… told you how I died.” Wen Ning nods. Murdered, and Wen Qing never gave anything more than that. They exhale. “He came to rescue me when I was captured. Yue Qinguan. I only know because he failed, and died in the process. My… captor taunted me with pieces of his spiritual sword.” They close their eyes, and Wen Ning’s heart hurts. Even in this new world, sometimes, it’s hard to rationalize things as real, that cultivation is real, when they are surrounded by nothing but characters from a book.

But Wen Qing is achingly real, as is everything that’s happened to them. Wen Ning reaches out and takes their hand to give it a squeeze, and Wen Qing squeezes back after a moment, nails digging in, sharp and painful and real. “So I don’t think he left me behind on purpose,” they say after they gather themself. “If he died to save me… he cared. He was strong enough that he could have escaped, if it didn’t matter to him, and strong enough that he could have stayed away. But he didn’t, and he died.”

Wen Qing shakes their head. “I don’t know what happened in the past, but if I ever meet him again, in the next world after this one, I’ll pry it out of him.”

“Maybe he’s in this one,” Wen Ning says, giving their hand another squeeze.

“Maybe,” Wen Qing says, unwilling to commit to more, and they pull their hand away and give him a half-hearted glare. “Now, you go deal with the problem you’ve caused, so Xichen and I’s conversations can turn to other matters.”

Wen Ning takes that conversation turn for what it is, and lets himself whine, falling into it. “But Jiejie…!”

He hopes, someday, he gets to meet this Qi-ge too. This Yue Qi, this Yue Qingyuan. For Wen Qing guards their love fiercely and gives it out sparingly, and he wants to meet the only other person they’ve given it to.

Chapter Text

“Qingge,” Yue Qi asks, imploringly. “Will you watch the door?”

His jaw set stubbornly, Qingge looks at him. “It’s a bad idea,” he says, but because he’s a good friend, he doesn’t say anything more. He turns his gaze and looks at the door, and Yue Qi relaxes. “Thank you,” he says, and he looks at him and he looks at Qinghua (who needed zero persuasion) and then he draws the curtains tightly around his bed.

He can’t explain to them how he knows this is okay, that he had met those good demons, those Wens, and they had helped him so much in understanding.

Yue Qi turns slightly and he looks at Xiao Jiu. He’s a mess, and it hurts every piece of him, makes his heart ache. Blood stains his robes from where he was stabbed, and Yue Qi grits his teeth. He hated that. Every moment of that. Watching Shi Wudu stab Xiao Jiu through the box and then fucking test him like that, cut his arm open and see if he would drink, and being able to do absolutely nothing, powerless and lost.

Xiao Jiu makes a questioning noise behind his muzzle, and Yue Qi jerks, and then shakes his head. “Sorry, Xiao Jiu,” he says, apologizing for both being distracted and what happened, and he leans forward to carefully remove Xiao Jiu’s muzzle.

He stretches his jaw, moving it around and then crawls forward to climb into Yue Qi’s lap, nuzzling at his chin like a cat. “Qi-ge,” he says, guttural and inhuman, and Yue Qi’s heart melts a little bit. He wraps his arms around Xiao Jiu in turn and just holds him for a moment, breathes for just a moment.

They’re both here. They’re both alive. The leader of the demon slayers had accepted Xiao Jiu, and there's nothing that anyone could do about it, not even that Shi Wudu. It feels a little like they have entered a tiger’s den and are warily coexisting, not sure who was going to break first, and Yue Qi refuses to let either of them be any more vulnerable than they already are.

That’s why he’s doing this.

He pulls back, reaching into his inner pocket to pull out a small knife, and Xiao Jiu goes ramrod straight in his arms. Yue Qi chuckles. “Yes, yes, just a moment, just a moment.” He braces himself, wincing, and slices open his palm.

Blood spills, and Xiao Jiu pounces upon it. He crouches over Yue Qi’s hand in his lap, lapping up every single drop of blood he can get.

Yue Qi feels his cheeks turn pink, and he sucks in a breath, inhaling and exhaling before he just pets Xiao Jiu’s head with his free hand, watching him. Xiao Jiu is a demon, yes, but… he is still Xiao Jiu.

It doesn’t take long for the blood flow to start to slow, and Xiao Jiu gives his palm a few more licks before settling back into him, disgruntled. “Still hungry?” murmurs Yue Qi, a pang in his chest. He knows Xiao Jiu is always hungry.

He’s considered tracking down someone truly awful for Xiao Jiu to make a meal out of, but hasn’t gotten the chance yet, and he thinks he’ll be under greater scrutiny now. It will have to wait, he thinks.

“I’m done,” he calls out, and Qingge pulls open the curtains to look at them both. Qinghua is right behind him, and sits down on the bed. Xiao Jiu makes a low hissing noise, as his muzzle is not yet back on, but aside from jolting a little, Qinghua ignores him. He knows Xiao Jiu won’t do anything.

“So!” says Qinghua, voice high-pitched. “So. I can’t believe they’re letting Xiao Jiu stay.”

Qingge nods. “I… was concerned when we woke up in this room and you were not here,” he says.

Qinghua snickers. “He says it like that, but he was really-”

Qingge shoves him off the bed and he goes down with a squawk.

Yue Qi can’t help his smile. He’s so grateful for them, for these two who are supporting him and Xiao Jiu. The demon in question crawls to the end of the bed, looking down at the fallen Qinghua.

“Xiao Jiu, save me,” Qinghua whines, lifting up his arms as he whines from the floor. Xiao Jiu considers him for a moment, before he reaches behind and grabs a pillow to smack him with once, twice, three times. “Wah, Qi-ge, save me!”

That just makes Xiao Jiu hit him again, and Qi-ge laughs a little, grabbing Xiao Jiu and dragging him into his lap. He presses a kiss to his forehead, to his nose, to his cheek, and Xiao Jiu grumbles and settles down against him. “Fuck, Qi-ge,” he grumbles, wrinkling up his face, but doesn’t move.

Qingge rolls his eyes at them. “What’s the plan?” he says, without any sort of explanation, blinking at Yue Qi.

“Plan?” he asks, confused.

Qinghua hauls himself up and drapes himself over the edge of the bed, remaining on his knees. “Yeah. Y’know, with the head honchos. What are we going to do from here?” He tips his head a little, and Yue Qi knows if he has nothing, Qinghua will have something.

“I guess… keep our heads down,” he says slowly. “I don’t want anyone to have a reason to be upset with us…” His eyes flash. “And we never, ever leave Xiao Jiu alone with Shi Wudu.”

Qingge nods and Qinghua shrugs. “Should be easy enough.” He frowns a little, though. “But what about Xiao Jiu? And his…” He waves a hand at Xiao Jiu as if to encompass all his “demon-ness”, and Xiao Jiu scowls at him. Yue Qi is never certain how much Xiao Jiu understands, but he does understand some.

Yue Qi glances away. As good of friends as they are, he doesn’t want to tell them about the Wens, not yet. Of Wen Ning and Wen Qing, demons trying to find a cure, and the help he’s promised to give them. “For now, try to teach him new words,” he says, “And get stronger.”

Qingge eyes narrow. “Kill Bai Wuxiang?”

Yue Qi nods. “Kill Bai Wuxiang.”

Qinghua is less than enthusiastic. “Kill Bai Wuxiang.”

Xiao Jiu nuzzles into him, and Yue Qi brushes a hand over his hair. For as long as Bai Wuxiang lives, he could come after Xiao Jiu. For as long as Bai Wuxiang roams the world, Xiao Jiu isn’t safe.

“Qi-ge will protect you,” he says, and he presses a kiss to Xiao Jiu’s forehead.

Chapter Text

“Xiao… Xiao Jiu!” He calls after them, and they whirl around.

It has to be her. It has to be. The way her brow furrows, the snap of her teeth as she snarls at him - “Don’t call me that!” - the way she holds herself, tense and ready to bolt even as she faces him… It has to be Xiao Jiu. It has to be.

He had thought he’d seen a ghost, catching a glimpse of her across the peaks. Liu Mingyi had frowned next to him, or rather even more than usual, watching Yue Qi closely. “...What’s wrong?” he had asked.

Yue Qi hadn’t been able to answer, not at first. Watching that person walk, wearing the beautiful whites and greens of Qing Jing… It couldn’t be… it had to be… Liu Mingyi had nudged him. “Hey. Did he do something to you?”

“No, I…” Yue Qi manages to tear his stare away. “Do you know who he is?” He. He. That made his heart sink a little bit, but Xiao Jiu would lie, Xiao Jiu would pretend, even if he didn’t understand why.

“Never fought him,” Liu Mingyi said, which was his way of saying no. 

Yue Qi turned his gaze back to the familiar disciple, restless. “He looks like…” Could it be?

The moment he had been allowed to leave, the moment Xuan Su let him go - don’t think about the dark, the blood, ripping into yourself and screaming because every moment you lingered was another where he could be lost - he had bolted for Qiu Manor. Watched, waited for some glimpse of Xiao Jiu, and when there had been none, slipped into the kitchens to ask.

Gone, said the elderly cook, and when he asked for details, she had shaken her head. That girl had been planning to run, but no one knows if she actually did.

His heart had sunken. What do you mean?

She had hesitated. If the Young Master caught her…

Yue Qi had… extracted the answer from Qiu Jianluo, that Xiao Jiu was still alive, and returned to the sect. It was a big world out there, but Xiao Jiu was alive. Surely, he thought - surely, if he raised himself enough in this world, if he became a big enough name, then Xiao Jiu would be able to find him? 

And then he had caught a glimpse of her across the peaks.

When he approached, he was halted by a Qing Jing shixiong, while the shidi who looked like Xiao Jiu watched from behind a fan, eyes focused, bright. It had to be her. It had to be.

He follows her, the first chance she gets, the first chance he sees her with no one else, and she whirls on him, breathing hard.

Don’t call me that. It’s like a slap in the face, and his own face crumples as he stares at her, drinks her in. “But… but it is you, isn’t it, Xiao Jiu?”

Her expression twists. “ You don’t deserve to know!” she spits.

Part of Yue Qi wants to protest. He had done everything he could, had gone as fast as he possibly could and don’t think about it don’t think about it but. But. Xiao Jiu had escaped on her own, without waiting for him. Had left so thoroughly that no one knew if she lived or died, and that…

He doesn’t want to know what that means, what happened, why she would. He’s just grateful she could.

So his whole body droops, though he still can’t take his eyes away from her. “I… probably do not. I failed to keep my promise in the end.”

Her grip on her fan is white-knuckled, and she glares at him, tension in every inch of her. “So you’ll just leave it at that, then?” she demands. “Your Xiao Jiu isn’t worth fighting for?”

He can’t let her think that. Can’t. “Xiao Jiu will always be worth fighting for, worth dying for,” he says, willing her to believe it with every inch of him. He would rip out his own heart if he thought it would mend this. “But if Xiao Jiu does not want her Qi-ge to find her, then what is Qi-ge supposed to do? Chase her to the ends of the world, when she would hate him for it?” He shakes his head. “If she blames Qi-ge for failing to come back for her, then. Then that is what Qi-ge deserves.”

Yue Qi’s words hang in the air for a long moment, before Xiao Jiu lets out a shuddering exhale, some tension slipping away. “...Qi-ge has always been the stupid one,” she says, eyes flickering away. “If Xiao runs, that means-” A brief, uncertain pause. “... She wants Qi-ge to chase her. And if Xiao Jiu will hate either way, isn’t it better to see that hate than not?”

“Would Xiao Jiu be able to be happy, if Qi-ge chases her? If this stupid Qi-ge clings to her? Even if she never forgives him, Qi-ge will be happy, as long as Xiao Jiu is happy.” Unable to help it, longingly, he steps forward - her eyes flicker to him once more, and she swallows sharply, but she doesn’t move. “If Qi-ge could see her, see her safe and happy and strong - it wouldn’t matter how much she hated him, this Qi-ge would be happy for the rest of eternity.”

It’s easier to say than to do. He wants to be forgiven, to be beside her, to hold her hand and to hold her and to be as they once were, but he would rather receive Xiao Jiu’s vitriol and hate than receive nothing at all.

Xiao Jiu swallows again, eyes flickering to Yue Qi’s feet, before she can manage to speak. “Safe, and strong…” She gives the barest hint of a nod, before she meets Yue Qi’s eyes. “But happiness isn’t something for one like Xiao Jiu. Qi-ge should know that.”

He can’t help but take another step closer - if he wanted to, he could reach out and touch her, but he doesn’t. Not yet. “Who decided that?” Yue Qi demands instead. “If the Heavens themselves decreed it, then this Qi-ge would fight gods for Xiao Jiu to find happiness.”

This close, he can hear her breath hitch, hear the way her voice trembles. “Then Qi-ge would be punished by the gods, and Xiao Jiu would be a weight dragging him down.” She pauses, swallowing, her eyes flickering away as she stills, as unmoving as a glassy lake. “When-” Her voice cracks, and Yue Qi’s hands curl into fists at his side with the effort to not reach out to her.

She tries again. “When Xiao Jiu saw Qi-ge here, on the peaks, Qi-ge did not see- her.” Her voice starts out weak, but gains vitriol as she goes, her gaze turning hot and furious. “But he looked as if he had cast off the weight that is Xiao Jiu, that he had forgotten her, that he had risen to the cultivation heights and left her in the dirt where she belongs.” She spits every word, vicious, and it would sting but for the sheer mistruth of them.

“Qi-ge would rather die than leave Xiao Jiu behind,” he says fervently. He reaches towards her with one hand, wanting so badly to touch, but he doesn’t. His hand curls in the air between them, hanging, cautious. “Qi-ge could only live with himself because he knew Xiao Jiu had survived and was out there, somewhere - because Qi-ge had hope that one day he could find her again. There is nothing that this Qi-ge could ever gain, in this or any other world, that would be worth losing Xiao Jiu.”

Her eyes scan his face, searching them for… he doesn’t know what. Whatever she is looking for, she finds it, and she takes the smallest of steps in, shifting her body towards him in open invitation as her eyes soften a little. “Even if Xiao Jiu is not the same? Even if Xiao Jiu is worse?”

Finally, finally, his hand cups her cheek, and he has to try not to cry, eyes burning as he gives her a trembling smile.. “Xiao Jiu is Xiao Jiu. That is all that matters to this Qi-ge.”

She sucks in a breath at the touch, and then she’s taking a quick step forward, flinging herself into him and wrapping her arms around him. Yue Qi grabs her, squeezes her and presses a wet kiss into her hair. The tears have started, and they will not stop.

“I’m sorry I took too long, Xiao Jiu,” he murmurs into her hair, and she weeps, too.

Chapter Text

“Xiao Jiu!” Yue Qi calls quietly, stepping down the beach. “Xiao Jiu!”

It’s night time, which is the best time for this. That means it’s cold, and he shivers as he walks along the shore, his feet in the water. He kicks up a couple of splashes. “Xiao Jiu!” he calls again. He hopes he makes it soon, it’s cold…

A splash sounds from further out at sea and he turns, eyes squinting and searching. A flicker of scales, another splash, and then a head is emerging from the waves.

Xiao Jiu is beautiful - Yue Qi has always thought so. The long green tail that curls out of the water behind him, the scales that dot his body, the gills that flutter at his neck and fins by his face, webbed fingers and inhuman eyes.

His beautiful best friend, who is a mermaid.

“Be quiet,” he says, swimming closer and then dragging himself up onto the shore. Yue Qi takes a few steps back and sits in the part of the sand that’s not damp. Not that it will really matter, because Xiao Jiu will get water all over him, but still. Xiao Jiu drags himself up to look Yue Qi right in the eye, and then flops on top of him. “You’re warm,” he says.

Yue Qi shivers, but he wraps his arms around him anyway. “You’re cold,” he says.

Xiao Jiu huffs a little bit and leans up to look at Yue Qi in the eye. “Did you eat today?”

“I did, I did.” Xiao Jiu looks at him like he doesn’t believe him, but Yue Qi really did. “One of the stalls hired a new worker, and he messed up a lot of food. I got their burnt pieces.” It wasn’t very good, but if he doesn’t manage to get enough to eat that means Xiao Jiu has to give him fish.

It took a lot of trial and error to find fish that Yue Qi could eat raw without throwing up and as a result he’s. Not super fond of fish, and even the ones they found don’t taste very good.

Xiao Jiu nods a little and relaxes again. “I might not be able to come for awhile,” he says. “I spotted a pod nearby.”

Yue Qi hesitates at that. “Is that… does that have to be bad?” he asks cautiously. He knows that Xiao Jiu is alone, that he doesn’t have any sort of pod of his own - Xiao Jiu had refused to give details and Yue Qi hadn’t pushed - but that didn’t mean another pod would be bad. He’d like it, if Xiao Jiu had friends, if he wasn’t alone out there in the big ocean.

But the mermaid makes a face. “Definitely bad. This is my territory, but I can’t hold them off on my own.”

That wasn’t really what he meant, but Yue Qi just accepts that answer and he hums a little bit, petting Xiao Jiu’s wet hair. “I’ll miss you,” he says.

There’s a pause. “...I could stay close to shore, instead, to avoid them,” Xiao Jiu says.

Yue Qi lights up, but then hesitates. “Wouldn’t that be dangerous? If another human saw you?”

He snorts. “I’m quick. Even if I get spotted, I’ll get out of there fast enough.”

“Well, if you sure,” Yue Qi says. He wants to see Xiao Jiu. He’s not going to argue. “I’d like that.”

Shen Jiu watches from the shallows, blowing bubbles in the water. The problem with sticking close to shore is that he gets bored. There’s only so much he can do here without Qi-ge, especially since he doesn’t want to get spotted. Granted, the beach isn’t really nice for humans - too many rocks, Qi-ge says - so there’s not a lot of people who come, but still.

He sighs, and is just about to go see if something miraculously interesting has popped up in the tidepools around the bend, when he hears shouting. Instinctively, he ducks under the water with a splash, before carefully peeking out, looking at the shore.

It’s Qi-ge.

Well, it’s Qi-ge, but it’s Qi-ge being chased by some older-looking boys. Qi-ge has a determined look on his face, doing his best to bolt straight for the water - as soon as he can get deep enough, he’ll be safe, because Shen Jiu can drag him out even deeper and out of their reach. (And if the boys follow, he can drown them.)

Shen Jiu watches, eyes tracking every movement, but the boys are bigger than Qi-ge. Faster. One of them trips him and he goes down and they surround him in an instant.

He bristles. “Don’t touch him!” he yells, and he throws a rock. His aim is good, and hits the closest one in the back. All the boys jerk around to look at him, and their eyes go wide and Shen Jiu keeps throwing rocks.

Back, legs, even manages to get one of them in the head and that’s enough for Qi-ge to manage to find his feet, scrambling up and racing into the water and Shen Jiu grabs his hands and swims them both out deeper, away from the humans.

The boys yell something, but Shen Jiu can’t understand them, and the boys stand there for a long time watching before they finally leave, and Qi-ge and Shen Jiu relax. Qi-ge is clinging to him, shivering, but Shen Jiu wants to wait out in the water for a just a bit longer before they head in.

“They saw you, Xiao Jiu,” Qi-ge says, brow furrowed with worry. “What if they do something?”

Shen Jiu rolls his eyes. “They’re just a bunch of human brats,” he says, though he does rather wish he could have drowned them. “They can’t do anything. I’m faster and stronger than them.”

“Yes, but-”

Shen Jiu swats his forehead and starts towing him towards land, shaking his head. “I’ll be fine,” he says. “You’re the one who has to deal with them on land.”

There was nothing to worry about. Humans like that couldn’t touch him, right?

He can handle it.

Chapter Text

He hadn’t meant to.

Well - he had, but he hadn’t meant for this, not really.

Shen Jiu had meant to kill Qiu Jianluo. He had meant for him to die, for him to die choking on blood and a sword in his gut and for Shen Jiu to see the light go out of his eyes. He had meant for that. He had enjoyed witnessing that.

He had meant to set the place on fire. Shen Jiu knew he wouldn’t be able to kill all the men, all the guards, all the people that would stop him from running, and so he lit the place up.

He had meant for the place to crackle and burn, for smoke to sweep the halls and for the air to fill with screams as people raced and ran and scrambled to get out. In the darkness, with everyone distracted by the fire, it was easy for people to overlook the blood on his clothes, and he had run outside with the rest of them.

Except - where was Qiu Haitang?

Shen Jiu had looked over everyone, had studied the servants who would have helped her, her maids and the guards he knew were in her wing and- “Where is Lady Haitang?” he had demanded, and only one maid knew that she had had a fight with Qiu Jianluo and shut herself in her room.

That explained why he was in a bad mood, a bad enough one to lash out at Shen Jiu which had started this whole evening, but Shen Jiu hadn’t cared.

There were two people in this whole world who had ever given a damn about Shen Jiu, who had loved Shen Jiu, and she was one of them. She had only loved the fake Shen Jiu, the one with good mask who swallowed down the bullshit that her brother inflicted, but she did still love him.

He had squinted at the fire, calculated, thought about the distance between this side of the house and Qiu Haitang’s room, and he bolted.

Shen Jiu wasn’t willing to die for her - he wasn’t, plain and simple. But he had thought he had had enough time to get in there, grab her, and get out before the whole thing collapsed around them. If it had just been the fire, maybe he would have. Maybe he would have been correct.

But the smoke was thick and make it hard to breathe and it was very bad, by her rooms. Shen Jiu had barely been able to shove open the door to see her unconscious on the ground, had barely managed to grab her and start to drag her out, when he collapsed himself.

He hadn’t meant to.

Shen Jiu tries to keep his bleary eyes open, tries to shove himself up off of Haitang, tries to keep going, but he can’t. His throat burns and his body feels too weak. He grips her, holding him to himself, and he closes his eyes.

Qi-ge, wait for me.

He feels pain.

Not pain from smoke, or from fire, or anything that would make sense to him - a deep, clawing pain from inside and Shen Jiu gasps, doubling over and clutching at himself. He can’t feel himself when he grabs and yet he can and nothing makes sense and are his eyes even open? Does he even have eyes?

He feels nothing but pain and he twists, shaking, trying to figure out something anything something as the fire burns through him and he cries out, his voice nothing and not there and yet scraping at his throat. There’s nothing but him and pain and-

A thread. Shen Jiu can feel it, tugging him just lightly, pulling and if it’s away from the pain if it’s away from all of this Shen Jiu grabs onto it, grabs onto this thread that isn’t real and yet is real and he pulls with all of his might.

Something clicks into place.

It’s a bright light, a bright wave that washes over him and the pain is gone. There’s ringing in his ears and the only sound is his own breathing, harsh and heavy except.

Except that’s not his breathing.

Shen Jiu… isn’t breathing. He isn’t breathing, but there’s none of the terror that comes with that, of desperately trying to suck in air and not achieving that. He simply… isn’t. He can’t feel his arms and his legs or feel anything, not really, but it doesn’t feel like they’re gone or that he’s broken or anything like that, he simply… isn’t.

There’s a warmth around part of him, as if he is being held but he can’t identify which part. Everything is out of body. Everything is strange.

Shen Jiu doesn’t have eyes to open, not anymore, but he wants to see and so he does.

The harsh breathing is coming from a cultivator. A disciple - young, he seems, though Shen Jiu knows that truly means nothing when it comes to cultivators. A few years older than him, and his face is so close. So close, and yet… at an angle that Shen Jiu can’t even begin to understand, as he looks.

His hand is the warmth and-

Oh.

Shen Jiu is the sword.

He can feel it now. The hand wrapped around his handle, warm. The chill of the… cave? they’re in, the sharpness of his blade and the way the light glints off of him, the… qi, that must be qi, that golden thread running through him and binding him to this cultivator, the way he has no eyes or limbs but can still see and yet doesn’t feel the loss of them, and…

It takes him a moment. It’s been years, and he’s never seen him from this angle, and he looks like a mess. The cultivator is bleeding, filthy and torn clothes and exhausted, gasping for some kind of air and Shen Jiu looks at his face and he recognizes him. He knows him. He knows him.

Qi-ge? he whispers.

The cultivator’s eyes go wide.

Chapter Text

It’s cold that night, and Xiao Jiu burrows further into Yue Qi. Their body heat mingled is better than trying to sleep separately, and Yue Qi doesn’t even think he could - he never has. The other children sometimes huddle for warmth, but even if it were as hot as could be, Yue Qi would still be pressed up against Xiao Jiu.

They curl up close to the wall, so no one will take Xiao Jiu away while they sleep. Yue Qi doesn’t think anyone would, but Xiao Jiu seems to think it’s a worry and it’s not a problem for him, so Yue Qi doesn’t argue it.

Sometimes they sleep with Xiao Jiu’s back to his front. His arms curl around Xiao Jiu’s stomach, and he squeezes him close. Other times, like now, Xiao Jiu faces him. Sometimes just face to face, sometimes with his face in Yue Qi’s chest - he can feel the pattern of Xiao Jiu’s breathing, feels the warmth as every exhale hits him, and he knows the other isn’t sleeping.

Of course, that means Xiao Jiu knows he isn’t sleeping, too.

Xiao Jiu makes a little noise, annoyed - apparently, when Yue Qi can’t sleep, Xiao Jiu can’t either because “I can hear all the stupid thoughts in your head, Qi-ge.” - and pulls back to squint up at him. “What is it now?” he whispers.

Yue Qi had been asleep, earlier. Had woken from a strange dream where he rested by Xiao Jiu’s bedside, who was big and grown, and Xiao Jiu had woken up and looked right through him like he didn’t even know him. He was there, but he wasn’t, not really.

He didn’t like that dream.

Yue Qi smooths a hand over Xiao Jiu’s back as he tries to figure out how to say it, because if he just tells about his dream he’ll be told it’s stupid and not real and he knows that, he really does, but…

“Xiao Jiu,” he whispers. “Do you think… we’re together in every world?”

He frowns up at him, looking confused. “What?”

“If… if there’s other worlds,” Yue Qi whispers, thinking of his dream. “If there’s other Xiao Jius and Qi-ges, just like us but different. Do you think we’re together, in all of them?”

Xiao Jiu looks up at him for a little bit longer before he huffs, shaking his head. “Qi-ge really is the stupid one, asking something like that,” he says. “Of course we are.”

His heart swells, warmth and care and Xiao Jiu sees it in his eyes and gives his cheek a gentle whack. “Go to sleep, Qi-ge,” he says. “Don’t think about stupid things like that. I’m right here.”

Yue Qi smiles, and kisses his forehead. “Okay, Xiao Jiu,” he says, and he holds him close as he falls back asleep.