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“Hyung.”
“Hm?”
“Hyuuung.”
“Yes, Wooje?” Hyeonjun finally pries his eyes away from phone and looks up at his friend, who has his back against the opposite wall and a book in his lap.
“I—uhm…, this is a weird question, but who do you think has the best smile out of all our friends?" Wooje says quietly.
Hyeonjun bites his lip. “Well…, Minhyung? I guess. He has really big, nice teeth. But Minseok has the best eye-smile."
“Okay. Next time we hang out with both of them, remind me to ask the others if you’re bullshitting or not." Wooje laughs, while Hyeonjun smiles and shakes his head as Wooje goes back to reading.
He was reminded then of when they’d first met two years ago. Hyeonjun had always been the helpful type, always volunteering with his parents whenever he could and giving to almost every donation event he heard about. So when his church announced their project to help the blind, Hyeonjun had been one of the first people to sign up. When he arrived at the library that Saturday, there were already people sitting around at the tables conversing quietly with each other so he headed over to the sign-in table.
“Hi, Hyeonjun!” Mrs. Kim, the church's event coordinator, said to him with a smile. “I paired you up with Choi Wooje, alright? He’s around your age. And he’ll be here soon."
“What exactly do I do?” Hyeonjun said nervously. It wasn't that he hadn't been around blind people before, but he was supposed to mentor him for the next month and he don’t wanna fuck it up.
“Just befriend with him,” she replied. “I know his mom and she said it’s hard for him to make friends at school. I’m sure he’ll be glad for the company."
Hyeonjun nodded and smoothed his hands over his jeans as he picked an open table and sat down to wait. He drummed his fingers nervously on the tabletop and glanced around, spotting one blind girl listening to her partner and laughing.
He smiled and looked back over at the library entrance just as a lady stepped through with a young boy holding onto her arm. He was almost as tall as Hyeonjun, his face was soft and almost serene, all gentle. Hyeonjun shot to his feet as Mrs. Kim greeted them and pointed over at him.
“Hi, you must be Hyeonjun,” said the lady as they approached.
“Yes, it's nice to meet you," he said as he smiled.
“Whoa…” Wooje commented. “His voice is pretty deep.”
His mom laughed as Hyeonjun turned bright red. "Wooje, why don’t you introduce yourself?"
Wooje reached out a hand and waved it around a little before Hyeonjun realized and stepped forward, taking his hand. The other boy then let go of his mom’s elbow and smiled in Hyeonjun’s general direction. “Hi, I’m Wooje. But you already knew that.”
“Hi. I’m Hyeonjun," he replied before flinching a little as Wooje’s hands came up to gently touch his face.
And Wooje explained, “Sorry. I just—I wanna get an idea of what you look like.”
Hyeonjun laughed good-naturedly as Wooje's hands probed his cheeks. He noted how soft and warm they were and figured it wasn’t so bad. His hands could be freezing and cracked. “It’s cool, at least I donIt have a dirty face.”
“That would be gross," Wooje laughs, making a face. It's a little weird to Hyeonjun, looking someone in the eye and not having them register you, but he figures he has to get used to it.
“Wooje, sweetie, I’m gonna go now. Okay?" his mom said, kissing his cheek.
“Alright. I’ll see you later, Mom!" he said as they clasped hands briefly before she was gone.
“So how old are you?” Hyeonjun said after she’d left, guiding Wooje to the table and sitting down with him.
“Fifteen. But to be fair I'm turning sixteen next month,” Wooje answered as he crinkled his nose. Hyeonjun noticed he played with his clothes a lot and even then had a string from his sleeve running through his long fingers. “What about you?"
Hyeonjun said. “I’m turning seventeen this year but I really don't want to."
“You’re an old man," Wooje teased.
“Yeah, it really sucks.” Hyeonjun sighed dramatically, earning a snort from Wooje.
Wooje fits right into Hyeonjun’s group of friends and continues hanging out with them even after the program ends. He’s never had friends before, unless you count his braille teacher and the one other blind kid in his grade, so suddenly going from zero to three is one of the best things that ever happened to him. Especially since one of them is Hyeonjun.
“Wooje, you thirsty?" They're all over at Minhyung’s house for the afternoon since it’s raining outside and there’s nothing better for them to do, but the tv connection’s shitty and they’ve been lying around complaining about the heat for almost an hour instead of doing anything productive.
“Yeah, get me a coke if you can," Wooje replies to Hyeonjun from his spot in the armchair. He's got his legs folded up underneath him and another book resting in the little nest his calves make, running his fingers over the page as he takes in the story.
“Hey Wooje, is braille hard?” Minhyung asks from the floor.
“Is learning out mother language hard?"
Minseok snorts from the couch and Minhyung shakes his head. “Okay, I get it. dumb question."
Wooje giggles and shrugs. “I guess it was hard, at first. But I dunno? I've been doing it for so long now."
“Wooje is just being nice. It was really a dumb question, y’know,” Minseok now laughs.
“Oh, shut up."
Wooje chuckles as Hyeonjun finally comes out of the kitchen with a coke. “It’s the last one, you lucky bastard," Hyeonjun laughs as Wooje pops the top and thank him before taking a long swig.
When they find out that Wooje is never been to a lot of places that most people at their school go to on a regular basis, they (mainly Hyeonjun) set out to change that.
One thing Hyeonjun’s always liked about his town is that it was built right next to the largest lake, meaning that weekend excursions to the lodge or family-owned lake houses were like trips to the mall. But Wooje’s mom rarely had time to take him and he hadn’t been since he was a kid.
So of course their little group, found themselves renting one of the presidential suites at the lodge for two days and a night. The little bit of allowance cash that they each could cough up only got them about half a day in the suite, but Minhyung’s rich obscure cousin had been more than happy to finish the rest of the bill. Minhyung still couldn’t figure out why he’d all of a sudden been so willing to throw his money to a bunch of teenage boys but he definitely wasn’t complaining.
Minseok is the first to squeeze out and stretch his arms under the warm rays of the sun, acting like the journey had been hours long when Hyeonjun’s house was only fifteen minutes away. As they all climb out, a bellhop runs over to get their things out of the trunk and the valet asks for Hyeonjun’s keys.
“Whoa, I don’t have valet money,” Hyeonjun laughs awkwardly.
“Are you not Mr. Lee’s guests?” the valet replies in confusion.
“Oh, right,” Minhyung says. “That’s my cousin.”
“He contacted us and said that all expenses are to be billed to him, including,” the valet says, kindly taking Hyeonjun’s keys, “Valet parking.”
“Oh,” Hyeonjun says, blinking and grinning. “O-okay.”
The presidential suite has two bedrooms with king beds and a smaller bedroom with two twins. Minseok and Minhyung get relegated to the smaller room, and when Minseok starts to protest Minhyung gives him a look.
Ss soon as they get into their room, Hyeonjun starts unpacking as Wooje explores the room. He wouldn’t admit it, but Hyeonjun’s glad they ended up in the same room. he’s probably the only one who’s used to him and doesn’t mind when Wooje’s hands randomly start exploring something or when he doesn’t seem to be focusing on what someone’s saying. He knows the others wouldn’t dare say it but he sees how they slightly shift away when Wooje’s gentle fingers search for an arm to guide him or a hand to hold. Minhyung’s usually better at it than the others but Hyeonjun knows it’ll take a little time. They’ll come around and get used to it, and Hyeonjun’s just glad they absorbed Wooje so easily in the first place.
“Fuck!” Wooje exclaims now from the bathroom. Hyeonjun throws down the shirt he’s holding and runs to the bathroom door, nearly tripping over his own feet.
“What?! what is it?!”
“This bathroom is fucking huge,” Wooje marvels, walking along the sink with his hand on the marble. “My voice echoes.”
Hyeonjun closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. “Don’t scare me like that, Wooje, i thought you… never mind, I―”
“You’re such a worrier, Hyung, relax,” Wooje laughs, walking towards Hyeonjun’s voice. “Then again, now I know how to get your attention.”
“You’re an ass.”
“A smart ass.”
“Still an insult.”
“Dammit.” Wooje’s outstretched hand finds Hyeonjun’s arm. “Let’s unpack.”
All of them meet in the living room for a group meeting.
“First and foremost I want to be on a boat,” Wooje says matter-of-factly. Hyeonjun discovered through observation that Wooje, however much he complains, loves being squished and will always force himself between two people if need be. Like now, squishing himself between Minseok and Minhyung.
“Well, we are at a lake,” Minhyung teases.
“I just wanted to make it clear.”
Hyeonjun chuckles as he writes the list out on hotel stationery. “Alright, boat. Next?”
“Can we please go to their water park? The slides and shit?” Minseok says excitedly.
“And can we have a picnic?” Minhyung adds.
“Yeah,” Hyeonjun laughs. He glances up at Wooje and sees the other boy with his chin on his chest, trying to hide the happy grin spread across his face and he picks at the frayed end of his sleeve. “We definitely can.”
The picnic gets combined with the boat but no one complains. Hyeonjun takes glances at Wooje through the water droplets flying up from the sides of the boat and watches how the sun lights up his skin and the way his smile seems to brighten the whole boat. In the beginning, Hyeonjun wasn’t sure if taking him would be a good idea, but the smile on his face right now is enough to convince him otherwise.
They stop at a tiny little bay where the houses overlooking the water are practically mansions and the sun reflects off their windows like yellow diamonds. Minseok opens up the picnic basket and doles out the sandwiches as Wooje grips the front of his life vest and cranes his neck upwards to let his face catch more sun rays.
Hyeonjun smiles to himself before going to help Minseok and soon theyvare happily munching away on sandwiches. “Now we have picnic checked off the list,” Minseok says with his mouth full.
“I wanna swim,” Minhyung says, already chewing on his last bite.
“Then swim,” Hyeonjun shrugs.
Minhyung shoots a glare at him, and then pouts. “Someone go swimming with me,” he whines.
“I’ll go,” Wooje says, meticulously folding the paper back down around the rest of his sandwich.
Minhyung grabs his hand. “The rest of you are losers,” he hisses as he pulls Wooje towards the back of the boat.
The water splashes up against the swimming platform and Minhyung sticks a toe out. “The water’s a little warmer than usual,” he says. “Do you wanna jump in?”
“Wait, wait I’m scared,” Wooje says, squeezing Minhyung’s arm.
“You're scared?” Minhyung laughs. “You, of all people?”
“Shut the fuck up,” Wooje jokes, pinching Minhyung with a shaky hand. “I haven’t swam in a lake since I was kid.”
“Let’s just go slow, okay?” Minhyung says, guiding the other boy to sit down at the edge of the platform. They stick their legs out into the murky water and swirl them around.
“Are we gonna slide out?” Wooje asks.
“Yeah,” Minhyung says. Wooje’s taught himself strict independence for years but it’s the first time Minhyung’s ever seen him so vulnerable, so he rubs Wooje’s arm softly. In that moment, he comes around. “Ready?”
There’s a pause, and a deep breath. “Ready.”
The fall comes and Minseok, probably the one in their group who gets sick the most, almost immediately comes down with the flu. Everyone’s busy with midterms except Wooje, who took his earlier and has a free weekend ahead of him. the moment he finds out MInseok’s sick, he wants to see him.
“Wooje, that’s a bad idea,” Hyeonjun sighs over the phone. Wooje’s the only one who calls him anymore since everyone else just shoots him a text, but Hyeonjun’s number is the only one other than his mom’s that Wooje’s fingers know even without braille buttons so one can only imagine how many times Hyeonjun’s phone rings in a day.
“Listen, I know what it’s like to be holed up in a room all day with no one to talk to, Minseok-hyung is probably bored out of his mind,” Wooje argues.
“Minseok has the flu, Wooje. He’s not on his deathbed.”
Eventually Hyeonjun has to concede after he realizes how passionate Wooje is about this and he’s had enough arguments with the boy to know he’s not winning this one.
Wooje arranges it with his mom and shows up at Minseok’s house the next day with a cup of warm hot chocolate.
“Wooje! what a surprise,” Minseok’s mom says as Wooje’s mom drives off.
“I came to keep Minseok-hyung company,” Wooje says, grinning. In the other hand he has his cane, which he rarely uses outside of school but he figures today it was necessary.
“Honey, i don’t know if that’s a good idea, i don’t want you sick too—”
“I have my flu shot!” Wooje supplies happily, already stretching his cane out in front of him and stepping inside.
Minseok’s mom laughs and closes the door. “Do you need me to show you where his room is?”
“No, I still remember it from last time. Thank you, though,” Wooje replies, already at the stairs.
“Alright, um… I’ll be in the living room,” she says, still a little surprised.
Wooje climbs the staircase and takes a right into the hallway, stopping at Minseok’s door.
“Knock knock, I have hot chocolate for the human petri dish,” Wooje calls through the door. “I’d open the door myself but my hands are sorta full.”
Minseok opens the door with red eyes and wrapped in two layers of sweatshirts. “Wooje?” he says in a stuffy voice. “What are you doing here?”
“Minseok-hyung! I brought you this,” he answers, holding out the hot chocolate.
Minseok takes it gratefully and sighs. “Thank you so much,” he whispers. “My mom won’t let me have any sweets.”
“She probably thought it was mine,” Wooje giggles as MInseok pulls him in and shuts the door.
He rests his cane against the wall and takes his jacket and shoes off and Minseok lets him sit in his desk chair as he goes back to lying on his bed. Ss soon as Wooje’s sitting, Minseok’s dog jumps up onto his lap and curls up. Wooje gently runs his hands through its fur without even flinching.
They talk for hours and it’s the first time Minseok’s been around him so long where it’s just the two of them. When Hyeonjun first introduced him to their group of friends, Minseok honestly never thought he’d get close to Wooje no matter how hard he tried. But when he gets picked up by his mom and Minseok realizes they had talked for five hours without realizing, that’s when he knows.
Hyeonjun figures out he has a crush on Wooje at the worst possible time.
They’ve been friends for over a year and its on winter, Hyeonjun invites everyone over to his house to hang out but no one can come except Wooje. So, as usual, it ends up just being him and Wooje, but they’re already so used to it at this point that they almost expected it. Wooje gets dropped off by his mom around one and Hyeonjun goes outside to greet him like they always do, linking arms and ducking inside out of the cold. Hyeonjun can’t help but think how cute the other boy looks bundled under thick layers out in the snow and when they get inside Hyeonjun helps him take it all off, revealing the christmas sweater and jeans he’s wearing underneath.
“Mom said the sweater’s cute,” Wooje grumbles as he pulls his shoes off. “Knowing her I probably look hideous.”
Hyeonjun laughs. “No, i like it on you,” he says before he can stop himself.
Wooje turns red but plays it off. “Let’s just go upstairs, I’m freezing.”
They go up to Hyeonjun’s room and Wooje burrows under the covers on Hyeonjun’s bed as Hyeonjun searches for the christmas music playlist he’d been listening to earlier in the day. He finally finds it and puts it on before sprawling on the bed next to Wooje’s curled up form. “You know you took all the blankets right?” Hyeonjun whispers up to the ceiling.
“Well, i’m cold,” Wooje answers in a tiny voice muffled by fabric. Hyeonjun chuckles and lifts the blankets up, sliding in beside him and wrapping his arms around his body. Wooje’s hands naturally go to his and Hyeonjun sucks in a breath because they’re unusually freezing.
“Wow, you are cold,” Hyeonjun exclaims and Wooje scoffs.
“I told you, asshole,” he replies, even so turning and burying his face into Hyeonjun’s chest. Wooje’s the type of person who craves human interaction and cuddling with him is nothing new, but even then Hyeonjun can’t help the way his heart starts to race then.
And then it comes—the realization.
Wooje still shivers slightly under his hands and Hyeonjun, his eyes wide with the discovery of this new feeling, brings the other boy closer to his chest. “Hyung,” Wooje says quietly after a few minutes. “Why did you come to the church program?”
“I don’t know,” Hyeonjun says. “Some people came for community service and some people came to make their resumes look good but I just wanted to stop being so selfish and help someone else for a change, plus my church was doing it so…”
“You? Selfish?” Wooje snorts. “You’re probably the most selfless person I’ve ever met.”
Hyeonjun blinks and feels his face get hot. “Really?”
“Yeah. Everyone knows it but you.”
Hyeonjun wants to tell him how amazing he is right then because despite being blind Wooje is always the only one in the group to notice things about the others without anyone else knowing for themselves. But he bites his tongue, because the only thing Wooje doesn’t seem to know is how much Hyeonjun likes him.
“And trust me, I’ve dealt with enough people from charities and teachers at school who claim to be doing it selflessly but are probably the most selfish people there are,” Wooje continues. his hand finds its way to the little patch on the front of Hyeonjun’s old sweatshirt and his fingers pick at it mindlessly.
They lie there for a few more minutes and Hyeonjun focuses in on Wooje’s breathing as he stares up at the ceiling, lost in thought. the other boy’s breaths get slower and slower and his body seems to warm up but Hyeonjun thinks of something else.
“Wooje?”
“Hm?”
“Have you ever had a crush on someone?”
The voice is slow and sleepy and the words slur together, but somehow it still makes Hyeonjun’s cheeks melt off his face. “I know you like me, Hyung,” Wooje says quietly.
“W-what?”
“Don’t worry.” Wooje manages to get out one last sentence before he’s overcome with sleep. “I like you too.”
“It was just like that?” Minhyung says over the phone the next morning.
“Well… yeah,” Hyeonjun says. “Just like that.”
Hyeonjun thinks it’s gonna be awkward after that, but really nothing changes. They’d pretty much already been behaving like a couple before then, so much so that when Minseok finds out he’s confused.
“Wait,” he says, scratching his head. “You weren’t dating before?”
And their parents seem to be happier than they are, Wooje’s mom even squeezing Hyeonjun into a tight hug when he comes to pick Wooje up for their first official date. “Thank you,” she whispers after she pulls away.
“For what?” Hyeonjun whispers back. He hears the toilet down the hall flushing and glances over her shoulder to see the bathroom door opening.
“For seeing his worth,” she answers. Wooje comes over to them then, dressed in a simple black sweater and jeans, and Hyeonjun remembers the time he showed him the system he uses to pick out his clothes.
“My mom stitches little numbers and letters into the fabric where no one can see them,” Wooje had said, showing Hyeonjun his jeans. “It also helps that she doesn’t buy me ugly clothes.”
He let out a laugh then and Hyeonjun smiled because every laugh Wooje gave seemed to be brighter than the last.
“I’m ready to go,” he said now, his hand trailing along the wall until he stopped in front of them.
“Have fun!” his mom said, kissing his cheek before Hyeonjun took his hand gently. Before, holding hands held no meaning for them. Now, suddenly, it did.
Hyeonjun thought they couldn’t possibly get any closer but they tell each other everything, calling each other before bed and first thing in the morning. Hyeonjun’s there when he finally gets a cell phone and they spend the whole day learning voiceover and what it means for Wooje.
“Now you can text me whenever you want,” Hyeonjun says. They’re in Wooje’s room, sitting on the floor and waiting for the pizza Hyeonjun ordered.
“That’s good, with college and all,” Wooje says. “I can’t believe you’re graduating next week.”
“You’ll be there next year--”
“It’s not that,” Wooje sighs. “don’t you realize that we haven’t been apart, not once, in two years?”
Hyeonjun sucks in a breath and scoots closer to him, kissing his cheek softly and grabbing his hands. “I’m not that far away, okay? Just a little thirty minute drive, and I’m back,” he says quietly. “I can pick you up every weekend and we can go do whatever you want.”
“Well… we do have the whole summer,” Wooje says sheepishly, allowing a tiny smile to ghost his lips.
“There you go,” Hyeonjun laughs, leaning in to kiss his cheek again. Wooje turns his head slightly towards him and Hyeonjun presses a chaste kiss to his lips and then Wooje is standing up.
“I don’t know, though,” he says as he puts his new cellphone on his desk carefully. Hyeonjun learned early on that everything in Wooje’s life has to have its place so he figures that’ll be the phone’s home for the time being. “I’ve been feeling so tired lately, I think I’d prefer if you just came here and we napped.”
“Why’ve you been so tired?” Hyeonjun says as he cleans up the scraps from the phone’s packaging.
“I don’t know, probably studying or something,” Wooje yawns as he stretches his arms above his head. “Sometimes I’m still getting used to braille.”
“You never told me how you went blind,” Hyeonjun says.
“Huh, you’re right,” Wooje says, sprawling out on his bed. “One day. Graduate first.”
He says it cheekily and laughs and Hyeonjun groans and pokes Wooje’s sides, making him giggle. “I said one day!” he yelps through his laughs. “I’ll tell you one day.”
Except, he doesn’t get to.
“Hyeonjun, your phone is ringing!” Hyeonjun’s dad calls from his room. It’s his moving day and they’re trying to see how fast they can get half of a bedroom packed and loaded into a tiny car.
“Coming!” Hyeonjun says, setting down his box of desk supplies and taking the stairs two at a time. He already has a smile on his face because he knows it’s Wooje and Wooje’s voice always manages to warm him up.
He takes the phone from his dad and answers it but it’s not Wooje, it’s his mom, and she’s never sounded so tired. Hyeonjun’s dad watches the smile slowly melt off of his son’s face.
“Dad,” Hyeonjun says when he hangs up. “Can you—can you... take me to the hospital?”
“I’m sorry, Hyeonjun. I know it’s your moving day but he keeps asking for you…”
“It’s fine, Ms. Choi. really,” Hyeonjun says earnestly. “I would come no matter what.”
Hyeonjun’s dad waits outside in the van as he and Wooje’s mom enter the elevator. She looks even more tired than she sounded on the phone and her work clothes are rumpled and crooked. She presses the button for the third floor and leans against the wall with a sigh.
“What happened?” Hyeonjun says slowly as the elevator starts to rise.
“I got home from my night shift this morning and he was in the kitchen getting a snack. Said he was really tired and that he’d been sleeping all day,” she said in a broken voice. “And then he just… passed out.”
Hyeonjun swallows hard as the doors open and they step out into a long, dim hallway. “Did Wooje ever tell you how he went blind, Hyeonjun?” she continues.
“No. he was going to, but—no.”
They stop in front of room 319, almost at the end of the hallway, and she takes a deep breath. “He was diagnosed with lymphoma, right after his twelfth birthday. Luckily with a basic treatment plan, he tackled it and we were lucky it only took his sight.”
She stops and takes another, shakier breath, but Hyeonjun knows where this is going. his hands start trembling but he clasps them together for both their sakes. “But it came back, Hyeonjun. We thought he was in the clear but it spread,” she finishes, swallowing back her tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna cr―”
Hyeonjun takes her into his arms just like he did for his own mother when his brother didn’t make it home from basketball practice five years before. He knows if the roles were reversed, if it was him and not Wooje lying in that hospital bed just beyond the door, Wooje would do the same.
Afterwards, he goes inside and closes the door behind him as Ms. Choi grabs the opportunity to go get some food. Wooje’s lying in bed propped up by pillows with his eyes closed and Hyeonjun’s reminded of just how skinny the boy is. He’d forgotten over the years but the bed is so big compared to him and the hospital gown and blankets drown him, sucking the color out of his cheeks and plucking the glow from his skin.
Hyeonjun walks over to him and takes his hand gently. Wooje opens his eyes and for a moment there’s panic in his expression until he squeezes Hyeonjun’s hand. “Hyung,” he says in a small voice and Hyeonjun leans over and kisses his forehead softly.
“You should’ve told me,” Hyeonjun whispers, sitting down and putting both of his hands around Wooje’s.
Wooje snorts tiredly. “Then i’d be the blind kid and the cancer kid,” he jokes, but even the usual color in his voice is gone.
“You should’ve told me,” Hyeonjun repeats, letting his head fall to the mattress by Wooje’s arm. “You’ve only been blind for five years, Wooje. That’s a lot to deal with, I mean—you were so young. You still are.”
Hyeonjun’s voice breaks and Wooje’s sighs, causing Hyeonjun to look up at him. “I know,” he whispers. “But i just wanted you to see me like I was normal. As normal as i can be, anyway.”
“Wooje,” Hyeonjun sighs and then he laughs, but it’s dry. “Do you know how much I love you? i don’t care about any of this, I just care about you and if that means I’m dating the blind cancer kid then I’m dating the blind cancer kid.”
I wouldn't trade you for the world, is what he wants to say. But he stops himself because there are tears sliding down Wooje’s cheeks and Hyeonjun’s never seen him cry before.
“You love me?” he whispers, and then Hyeonjun slides into the bed next to him and takes him gently into his arms and just for a moment the wires and lines don’t exist.
“So… what does this mean?” Hyeonjun says, hours later when their limbs are all tangled up.
“Lots and lots of chemo,” Wooje answers as he plays with his hospital band. “But the doctors said I have a real chance.”
“Of course you do,” Hyeonjun says, squeezing Wooje’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be alright.”
And he was. It was really hard at first, because Hyeonjun decided to stay home and do online college and he practically became a permanent resident at Wooje’s house, taking care of him when his mom was working late or dead on her feet. And it wasn’t easy watching the love of his life shed almost thirty pounds off his already slight frame, all because he was too nauseous from the chemo to eat most of the time. But the best times were when they sat across from each other in Wooje’s room, Wooje studying his math textbooks and Hyeonjun working on his papers.
This is when the questions come, because Wooje knows he has a real chance of surviving but part of him still thinks about that sliver of doubt and his coping mechanism is finding out as much about their friends as he possibly can.
“Hyung, who’s the tallest in our group of friends?”
“What color is everyone’s hair again?”
“Who do you think is the best looking?”
Hyeonjun doesn’t question it because he gets having a coping mechanism. He has plenty of his own, like texting Wooje when he goes on a small grocery store run or going out to cry in his car on particularly bad days so he can stay strong in front of Wooje.
And there are plenty of those days. There’s the nights where Wooje’s so sick he can’t sleep, when his permanent home is beside the trash can, or when he’s freezing and he needs Hyeonjun to warm him up. Hyeonjun remembers his warm, soft skin and this Wooje who’s cold to the touch is new to him, but they try to make the best of it by collecting fuzzy socks for him to wear and putting him in all kinds of sweaters and hoodies and jackets.
Wooje asks for his head to be shaved almost as soon as a lock falls out in the shower, and then he complains that it makes him colder so Minseok gets him a warm beanie.
They all come over to keep him company one night and Hyeonjun remembers how panicked he felt when he looked up from helping Minhyung and Minseok cook to find his boyfriend nowhere in sight. he walks into the living room just to find Wooje fall asleep. It’d been days since Wooje slept through the night, yet suddenly he’s sleeping peacefully on couch just like that.
sSo it’s not perfect, but it’s their new normal.
“Don’t be nervous okay?” Hyeonjun sighs, his hands gripping the handles on Wooje’s wheelchair. “Whatever they say, we’ve got you.”
Wooje’s mom reaches over and squeezes his shoulder gently. “Hyeonjun’s right. you have a whole team of people looking out for you,” she says, holding the door open so Hyeonjun can push Wooje inside. ten minutes later they’re sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for the results of everything they’ve been doing for months.
He’d never admit it, but Wooje’s nervous as hell and Hyeonjun can tell because his hands are even more restless than usual. He gently takes Wooje’s left hand and he squeezes Hyeonjun’s back and Hyeonjun smiles, just a little bit. Just enough to clear the fog.
“Hey, sorry for the wait,” the doctor says, finally stepping through the door and sitting behind his desk. “How are you, Wooje?”
“I’m okay. Nervous,” he laughs, and Hyeonjun smiles. For once, Wooje’s not afraid to admit to his feelings. he makes a mental note of it.
The doctor and Wooje’s mom talk for a few minutes about medical things Hyeonjun can’t understand as Wooje plays absentmindedly with Hyeonjun’s fingers. Finally, the doctor turns to Wooje. “So, about those test results,” he says, and Wooje clearly perks up.
“You have no idea how happy I am to tell you that we didn’t see any signs of cancer in the scans and tests,” The doctor says happily. “You’re in remission again, Wooje, you’re in the clear.”
Wooje presses a hand to his mouth and instead of breathing a sigh of relief or crying or yelping he just giggles. In typical Wooje fashion, he just laughs, and Hyeonjun laughs, and Wooje’s mom laughs and they’re all laughing and Hyeonjun leans over to kiss Wooje’s soft cheek in the midst of it all.
And then there’s talk of recovery and remission but of course Wooje doesn’t really pay attention because at the end of the day he’s still only eighteen and Hyeonjun’s only nineteen and all they want to do is think about what they’re gonna do in the next few minutes and hours, not the next few months or years, except now Wooje can finally think in months or years if he wants without that sliver of doubt festering in the back of his mind.
Not only can he think in months and years again, but he has months and years, and right now he only wants to spend them with Hyeonjun.
“Hyeonjun-hyung, you’re gonna go off to college now right?” Wooje says, his voice muffled by Hyeonjun’s shirt. Everyone else is downstairs, still munching on the cake left over from Wooje’s birthday party, and he can hear their voices floating up the stairs.
“Online classes work for me, and besides, I wanna be close to you. We can both do online college together,” Hyeonjun answers. “So, nah. I’m good.”
“You sure about that? I’m pretty annoying…”
“You are? Now how am I supposed to marry you?”
“Not your best joke, Hyung,” Wooje sighs before pausing in stroking Hyeonjuns hand. “You wanna marry me?”
“No!” Hyeonjun says, a little too quickly, before sighing. “Not for another few years, at least.”
Wooje smiles because he knows it made Hyeonjun flustered and in a lot of ways they’re still the same like they were when they met. “Alright. But before you marry me, you should know something. I’m blind.”
“Shut the fuck up, Wooje.”
Amidst Wooje’s bubbling laughter, Hyeonjun kisses Wooje’s cheek and thanks god for the hundredth time that it’s still warm.