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Somewhere in the Kola Peninsula. On a Christmas Eve in a unnamed year. Also at 2:13 AM.
This region isn’t usually busy, mainly because it's literally cold, but also because of a population limiting magic. Now, there is only one man that can stop this, and you know who? Santa.
While Santa was doing his normal Christmas runs, he stopped in the Kola Peninsula, like normal. However inside an abandoned house, the revised body of Stalin is watching him, and he has enough powers to defeat Santa.
4 Minutes Later.
Santa proceed to enter the abandoned house a near light speed, like normal. When he got on his sleigh again Stalin blew up his sleigh.
“And now, for my Stalin blast!” *Stalin then proceeded to send a beam of fire towards Santa. However, he pulled out his sword and deflected the blast into space.
“Stalin, why are you doing this?” Santa said, with a look and worry and confusion on his face.
“Because I want to abolish Christmas! It’s been infected with religious and capitalist ideals by those pesky Americans!” Stalin said while he dashed and pulled out his communist sword. Did I also mention that he was speaking in a Georgian accent?
Stalin kept on dealing blows while Santa was blocking. Then, Santa made his counter attack and pushed Stalin into a tundra and freezing cold. He, of course, wasn’t affected by this.
“Look, I don’t fucking care about capitalism or the Americans. In fact, I only give gifts to 20 million kids per year! But you are trying to ruin happiness because of communism?” Santa asked while he made a blast that Stalin took with minimal damage.
“It’s because the world revolution justifies the means!” He said. He then pulled out his sickle and hammer and did major damage to him.
However, Santa pulled out his passive healing: He used 20% of it for today.
Both sides then wondered why they are not attacking and talking. So that’s what they did. Well sort of. They actually just fought without talking.
Santa than grabbed Stalin and threw him into the ground. It made a crater and clearly he was getting weaker.
Then the Soviet Union theme started playing. Santa knew what this meant.
“Oh shit Stalin is becoming more powerful!” He then switched to a defense tatic and used his sword and a shield against the hammer and sickle.
However, the shield was clearly breaking against the will of communism. Stalin then did a grab attack and Santa tried breaking free. Stalin expected this and used it against him. After that he did his hammer and sickle combo.
Santa then knew what he had to do. He started in ultimate mode and started firing up and blast. Basically he proceed to use one of his strongest attacks.
That drained him of his energy.
Santa then energy recovering. However, there was just one small weakness. Santa couldn’t really do any major attacks because that would break energy recovery and make him drain more energy. It would go into the negatives and you do not what energy to become negative.
So basically Santa dodged attacks and started moving towards a tree to hide from him and recover. Stalin was just watching him and trying to formulate the next move.
Stalin then saw that he couldn’t attack or defend himself now and used his sickle and hammer to combo him so he couldn’t attack back. After that he grabbed him and threw him into the ground. Santa was too weak to fight back at this point.
“Well, I’m sorry to the kids of Earth for failing.” Santa said, he then got a dream where he said the future of kids being said, more parents not having food and more. He then became superpowered.
Also heard comes Santa Claus starts playing in the background. That’s actually Santa’s fighting theme.
“Where the fuck is that music coming from?” Stalin said. Partly out of horror but mostly because of confusion. Songs don’t play in the sky out of nowhere.
Santa, the person he is when he is angry and fighting someone, ignored his question. He was too in the zone to answer 4th wall questions. In his mind, Stalin shouldn’t have attacked him. If he hadn’t, then he would answer his questions, like I saw previously in this paragraph. However, it’s too late now for him.
“Honestly? I hate that goofy as fuck haircut” He then he Stalin and send him flying. After that he sent his raindeer to run over him. Stalin then did a minor comeback and got a few good hits on Santa. Stalin then threw him into the ground again, creating a massive crater. When he was looking at the smoke, a ultra fire beam came out of nowhere. It proceed to hit Stalin and evaporate him.
“Well, that’s done.” He said as he got on his sleigh and left to Oslo. “I hope I don’t have to deal with fascists or communists again.” He saw as he was looking at the craters in the ground. After that he checked the time and realized the fight only took 50 seconds. He was sorta relieved that it didn’t take as long as he thought. Because if it did, then he probably wouldn’t meet with quota for this year, and he NEVER missed a quota.
“Well, I guess Christmas isn’t on new year! HOhOHO!” Santa said, making that terrible joke about how Christmas isn’t as important as new year in Russia. Even if it weren’t mentioning it, it’s still a bad joke. Well Santa knows this and cringes at the joke. However, it’s stops caring about the joke and he lands in Helsinki.
“It’s about time I landed in Finland.” He said, as he went 2 years without getting a kid in Finland. After making that remark to himself. He proceeded to go to the suburbs, as that is where the kid is at.
“Finally, more variety!” He said as he entered the house. The most common country he got was normally the US. Well as he was thinking that, he came across a family still awake. However, he knew what to do. Come back later to this house at 3 AM.
The End.