Chapter Text
January 31, 1979
Remus John Lupin was not a paranoid man.
He had the pleasure of living in close proximity to, and being part of, the most notorious group of pranksters Hogwarts had ever seen (as decreed by Sirius Black circa 1978 in a rather loud obnoxious manner while standing atop the Gryffindor table).
This helped quell the initial bouts of paranoia that snuck up on him sometimes. It was really more of a dull anxiousness that would pop up every once in awhile when something was too quiet.
Today was one such day.
“Pads?”
“Morning Moony!” Sirius answered that far too quickly.
“Morning.” Remus yawned, trying not to look overly suspicious. He watched his boyfriend of one month (37 days to be exact… if one were actually literally counting, that is) flit about the kitchen. From the looks of the sink, and the lingering smell of burnt something or other in the air that a cleaning spell wouldn’t quite get rid of, there was a minor disaster he’d slept through this morning.
Sirius flipped the French toast onto Remus’s plate. He followed his boyfriend’s distracted gaze to the sink.
“Oh, that, don’t you worry, I managed to stop the fire from spreading. Kept the noise to a minimum for you, too!”
“Cheers, mate. I was utterly knackered last night.”
Sirius nodded, shovelling his toast into his mouth at a somewhat alarming pace.
Remus decided to bite the proverbial bullet and broach the topic he was quite certain was going to come up in the very near future. Or so his anxiousness was telling him.
“Hey Padfoot, isn’t there something you want to ask me?”
Sirius, who had been taking a large sip of his tea, choked violently.
“What? Ask you? What are you talking about? What have you heard? Did Sarah tell you? She promised she wouldn’t—” Sirius took a deep calming breath, and resumed his normal pace. “I mean, no, nothing. Nothing at all.”
“That wasn’t suspicious at all.” Remus deadpanned. He took out the ‘Things to do for Valentine’s Day’ list that had been in with his briefcase.
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, that.” Sirius actually looked mildly relieved, which only made Remus more anxious. “Yeah, when I wrote that, I wasn’t expecting to actually be together with you at this point. Now that you’re my boyfriend, it needs to be a surprise.”
Remus’s left eye twitched. “You know I hate surprises.”
Sirius grinned, the sort of shit-eating grin that always promised a whole lot of fun followed by a lot of detentions. It still made Remus’s stomach do acrobats.
“Come now, you’re a Marauder! We love surprises.” Sirius kissed away Remus’s anxious frown on his way to his bedroom.
“Actually, from previous experiences, I think I’m quite right to be alarmed by surprises.”
“I’m off!” Sirius returned to the kitchen, ripped jeans (Sirius’s), oversized fuzzy red jumper (not Sirius’s), and leather jacket (Sirius’s).
“Wait, what? Where are you going?” Remus squinted. “Is that my jumper? Bloody hell, stop stealing my clothes.”
“Next you’ll be telling me that your nail varnish is off limits too.”
“It is.”
Sirius waved him off. “I’m coordinating Valentine’s Day with Prongs.” Remus made a strangled noise. “Now, I know what you’re thinking, but I solemnly swear, we will be on our best behaviour. Floo us if necessary, but for the love of Merlin, don’t go over to his flat. Bye, love.”
Remus kissed Sirius goodbye and stared blankly at the fireplace. He was torn between being excited to see what Sirius had planned for him, and contacting Lily to see if she knew exactly what was going on.
“Bugger.”
10:09 a.m.
James followed Sirius into the muggle supermarket, trying to blend in as best as possible.
“This is the first time I’ve been to one of these without Lily or Moony.” He admitted, standing awkwardly in the entrance. He was shoved out of the way by several annoyed looking muggles.
“Me too, well, I’ve been here with Sarah a few times, but my only job is pushing the trolley.”
James’s eyes lit up behind his horn-rimmed glasses.
“Can I push the trolley?”
“No! I most certainly do NOT trust you with the trolley. Not after last time. Give it here.”
“But—”
“I’ll tell Evans.”
“Fine.” James growled. He wasn’t pouting through; no matter what Sirius would later claim.
“Now, come on then! We’re gonna need a lot of chocolate for what I have planned. Sarah gave me a shopping list and everything!”
11:52 a.m.
“Bloody buggering hell—” James wheezed, finally reaching his flat. “Why the hell wouldn’t you let me do a simple charm to lighten the bags?”
“Because it would interfere with the chocolate!”
“Not the bloody bag!”
“Moony would be able to tell.”
It took several minutes and a lot of swearing, but James finally managed to open his door. He threw the bags on the table and flopped onto the sofa.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Sleeping. I’d almost forgotten how exhausting being your best mate it.”
Snuffles jumped on him and bounced around until James gave up.
“All right! I’m up, I’m up! Bloody—”
“We’ve got a lot of work to do!”
“I didn’t sign up for this,” James groaned. “What do we need to do first?”
“Melt the chocolate.”
“Sound easy enough.”
1:34 p.m.
James wiped the sweat from his brow, smearing a line of chocolate along it. “I’m sorry, are you certain this is how muggles to this?”
Sirius looked between the stove, and the cookbook in his hands.
“Sarah said this is the easiest recipe to follow.”
“Well, Sarah just so happens to also be a muggle, and a muggle woman at that.”
“That has nothing to do with her cooking skills.”
The small bowl sitting atop the large pot of boiling water tipped unexpectedly, and before James could save it, it sank to the bottom.
“Noooooooooo!” James was almost ready to cry. Almost. There were tears present. “That’s the fourth time that’s happened. Why are we doing this like muggles? We’re wizards, for Merlin’s sake!”
“Because I said so! Now, again!”
2:15 p.m.
“Why did you think calling Wormtail here would help?”
“I have no idea. It was a real shot in the dark.”
“I am literally right here, and I’m holding a fork!”
“That’s wonderful, Wormtail, now how’s that sifting going?”
“Errrrrrrr—”
“Bloody hell! Did you manage to keep any of the flour in the bowl, or do you think wearing it will attract a mate?”
3:37 p.m.
“Well, that was disastrous.”
“Tomorrow is February first.”
“Don’t worry, Pads, you’ve still got two more weeks!”
“Bugger off! I had fourteen days of wooing my werewolf, but now I’m going to be down to thirteen because these bloody recipes make no sense!”
“We were making more than one thing?!”
“I tried my best to sift it properly, I swear!”
“Good show Wormy, I know you tried hard.”
“All right, which one of you wankers got chocolate on the ceiling fan?”
The group stared up at the ceiling.
“Is that flour, too? How the bloody hell did that get on the ceiling fan in the first place?”
“Oi, when is Evans due home at?”
James frowned, and looked down at his watch.
“Oh, bloody fuck we are so buggered.”
Before Sirius or Peter could disappear by any means necessary, the fireplace roared to life.
“James, love, are you baking? It smells wonderful, I—”
Lily rounded the corner. She looked at little worn from her day of training. Bright green eyes carefully surveyed the disaster that befell her kitchen.
“Lily, Lily-flower, darling, love of my life, I can explain. It was all Sirius’s idea.”
Bright green eyes narrowed and turned deadly as they darted over to the palest of the young men. His hair was half falling out of its bun and his shoulders slumped in defeat.
“I just wanted to make Remus happy.”
“Well, there’s no salvaging this mess, I can certainly tell you that. We’ll start fresh tomorrow. Now, if this isn’t clean by the time I get out of the shower, I will NOT be happy.”