Chapter Text
Saving the universe wasn't an easy task, if you don't believe it, ask Wade. In less than 48 hours he has had to face his ex, get the news of his universe dying because a certain old man with adamantium skeleton passing away in a noble act, going to the old man's tomb and digging to finally reach his skeleton and dismember it to fight the TVA agents while dancing to the song Bye Bye Bye (something TOTALLY necessary to the mission), going through different universe to get his ass kicked by different variants of the same guy, finally finding one that looks normal but who's actually emotionally stuck, grumpy and alcoholic (his poor liver is suffering after the rubbing alcohol), basically taking him with him by force and getting stuck in The Void with no scape at first, fighting between a little each other (which Wade would call foreplay), fighting against some dudes, getting kidnapped by the weird guys, being taken to the crazy narcissistic bald lady's lair (which is ant man's literal CORPSE), fighting her with no avail, escaping together, some more steamy and very double intended very heterosexual fighting in the infamous Honda Odyssey (yes, Wade has dreams with that. Does he regret it? No.), finding some variants that are a resistance, fighting alongside them against the bald lady ad her army, almost letting her die, going home, fighting against all of Dedpool's variants and almost dying while saving the world and ending that bald ass lady (and seeing those Wolvie abs which Wade dreams about). A totally normal weekend for the merc with a mouth and his new worst-best, Worst Wolverine or just Logan. Or peanut, as Wade likes to tease.
After all of that turmoil of events and almost truly dying, both were enjoying some chimichangas from Wade's favorite spot, a food truck near his apartment. Both were sitting on a bench, eating with Dogpool resting on Logan's lap. Wade was awfully quiet, something weird as he was literally THE merc with a mouth, always talking about something, even if it was irrelevant to stupid. Actually, Wade was thinking about how to tell Logan about the people he lived with. A blind woman and a teenager weren't the ideal roommates, but a blind old woman addicted to cocaine and a moody teenager who was basically clone of Logan created in the same lab that fucked up with his face and that also disliked him? that was another level. Sure, blind Al and Beth were like family to him, but they weren't the ideal people to be with for most. He considered Beth as something close to his own daughter, something he wouldn't admit to anyone out loud, and less how much he cared foe her, even knowing each other for eight years. He had found her less than three months after being Deadpool, taking her from the illegal fighting club she was forced to fight in. After discovering she had also been messed up with in the same lab as him, he took her in and took care of her, finding out about all how she was messed with and ended up with regeneration and bone claws coming out of her knuckles when she was scared. after all, they had become close, two peas in a pod. Wade showed her everything a dad should teach his kid; writing, reading, doing chores, shooting guns, fighting with combat knives...and she taught him patience and gave him someone to care for. Also, in his eyes, with Beth he made Blind Al a grandma. But the thing that bugged him was how Al and Beth were going to react to adding Logan and Dogpool to their home. And how they would arrange the space; Al had her room and Wade his, and Beth crashed at the couch. Logan would definitely sleep with him (which Wade was kinda into) and well, Dogpool could sleep on a cushion or something.
"You're awfully quiet, bub." Logan says in his usual grumpy voice, looking up from his food to look at Wade's face (mask) while waiting for a response.
"It's nothing, don't worry your pretty little head, peanut." Wade brushes it off while taking another bite of his chimichanga.
"You don't shut up easily, so spit it out." Logan groans, trying to make Wade say what's been bothering him.
"Okay, okay." Wade takes a moment to formulate a way to say this to Logan. "So I don't live alone, I have a blind old lady addict to cocaine and a moody teen girl with me."
"That's it?" Logan says calmly.
"Not really- So- The teenager, whose name's actually Beth, is basically a clone of the you in this universe whose dead so she's basically alone and I took her in when I found her and she doesn't like you very much." Wade spits out I the fastest way he can.
Logan, dumbfounded for a second, takes a moment to process everything. So, in this universe, he had the closest thing to a daughter, and she dislikes him. 'Great, absolutely great' he thinks to himself. After a moment he sighs, getting up from the bench both were sitting on.
"Okay, we should definitely get going to your house and address this shit as quick as possible." He says while rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Yeah, you're right..." Wade gets up, scratching the back of his head.
Both start walking to Wade's apartment. When they reach the crappy building and take the stairs, both are finally at the door. Wade opens, seeing something pretty domestic, Al sitting on her chair, with the TV on, and Beth on the other hand cooking pancakes on the kitchen. Then blond girl hummed quietly, she was in her pijama with a hoodie on, looking like she just woke up.
"Wade? Is that you? "She said as she heard the door open. She didn't turn around at first. "Where have you been? I made pancakes by the way-" She stops at the sight of Logan, looking at him and Wade a few times.
"Before you try to stab me, just listen-" Wade is cut off my the sound of Beth's pocket knife, a gift from him actually. At that Logan tries to take out his claws, but Wade stops him. "Beth- put that away- I know this isn't the best person I could have brought but he's staying."
"No fucking way, Wade." Beth says irritated, still not putting away her pocket knife.
"Look kid- I don't know what you got against your Logan but I'm not him, got it?" He tries to remain calm, but is visible he's also getting irritated.
"See kiddo? He's a good guy." Wade puts a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, he won't take your couch."
"Then where im sleeping?" Logan asks confused while grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"With Wade. I'm not gonna have you in my bed." Al responds from her seat. Logan looks at Wade with an irritated look as he sits on the couch.
"I'm not complaining, we could repeat the Honda Odyssey in bed, peanut." Wade teases while seating next to him on the couch.
Beth sighs. She notices Dogpool sniffing her feet and chuckles. She takes the dog in her arms like a baby while putting the pancakes on a plate, she then sits on the floor, with her back against the couch and with the plate of pancakes on her lap. Dogpool jumps into Wade's lap, and he pets her. A few minutes pass, the only sound coming from the TV as the five say in a comfortable silence until Wade decides de speak.
"This is so domestic we almost look like a family." Wade jokes, which irritates Logan.
"Shut up, bub." Logan groans.
"Ohh, come on peanut! Obviously you're the grumpy dad, I'm the fun dad, AL is the grandma, Peggy is the dog and Beth is the kid! He says happily while ruffling the girl's hair, who stays quiet and just rolls her eyes.
"Wade, i swear you say something stupid every time there's a comfortable silence." Logan rubs the bridge of his nose while sighing. "For fuck's sake, im not made to be a dad, so just shut up."
"Yeah, being a Logan surely he's not made to be one." Beth says ironically, which reaches Logan's ears but he doesn't say anything.
The three of them go to their rooms, as Beth stays ro sleep on the pull out couch with Dogpool sleeping on one of the cushions. As predicted, Wade and Logan ended up in the same room, having to share a queen sized bed.
"I'm sleeping on the floor." Logan groans, looking at the bed and then at Wade.
"Come on peanut! I'm even keeping the mask on to made it less uncomfortable." Wade, who's in a My Little Pony pijama set, says with a smirk under the mask.
"Fine." Logan sighs "But I'll cut any limb that touches me." He gets into the bed, facing the wall.
"Fair enough." Wade does the same, facing the opposite side of Logan's. "Night, peanut."
"Night, bub." Logan mumbles before both fall asleep.