Work Text:
March 2004
“And that’s how you organize a bookshelf.” Claire said.
Mitch rolled his eyes. “And what was wrong with color coding them?”
“A red book could be something law related or a romance novel, the spine tells you nothing.”
“Spines have tells…and I don’t read romance novels. There aren’t enough gay romances.”
“God, is this our lives? Me coming over here and talking to you about book spines and book types?” Claire sighed. “Anything fun this weekend?”
“Sorting-”
“AGH!” Claire groaned, dramatically flopping onto his couch.
“-costumes.”
“Costumes for what? They’re old school theatre outfits that are just gathering dust in a new location. Do something with them.”
“Yeah, I’ll just skip over to Broadway right now.” Mitch rolled his eyes again.
“You know what I mean. Anyone around here doing anything fun?”
Mitch hesitated. “No.”
Claire narrowed her eyes doubtfully. “Mhm.”
“Y’know, job’s done, you can uh-”
“I’m making the most of kid free time.” Claire said, stretching out.
“Then at least get your shoes off my couch.” Claire kicked her shoes off. “Thanks. I’m going to shower.”
“I’m not rearranging the shelf again.”
“Fine…could you make us some tea, please?”
“Fine, but no caffeine. Any more and you’ll shake the building with vibrations.”
“Har har.”
Claire started the kettle. A little while later, Mitch’s cellphone rang. The caller ID said ‘Pepper’. She debated picking it up. On one hand, she was pretty sure she’d heard the name maybe once before, and Pepper wasn’t someone from work. On the other, It was Mitchell’s private cellphone and-
She picked it up. “Hey, Mitchell’s phone. This is his sister, Claire, speaking.”
“Oh, I was hoping I wasn’t going to be ignored again.” A man’s voice sighed in relief. “I’ve been trying to contact Mitchell for quite some time. Langham told me about him and it took forever to even get his number. Langham may be a party guy, but he was protective of Mitchell’s privacy.”
“I’d say so am I, but uh…currently using his phone without permission.”
Pepper chuckled. “That’s quite alright. I’m hosting a game night this weekend and I’ve been trying to beg Mitchell for a few months to come to a party or any event I host. I’ve nearly been reduced to groveling, but Jotham told me to be patient…not exactly my forte, but I want to gather as many gays for our growing community.”
“A game night? Like scrabble?”
“We have a variety of board games, charades, Pictionary, things of that nature.”
“Sounds fun. Is it a pretty close knit community? Like, you’re all friends?”
“Oh yes, everyone knows me and the standards to which I host my parties.”
“I must say, I’m extremely protective of my little brother. No unsavory shenanigans occur at these parties, correct?”
“Absolutely not. While we have some more vocal and extroverted members, I strive to have a safe and healthy space for everyone. I’d be happy if Mitch showed up for a single game just to try out our little group. I haven’t had to kick anyone out yet, though I did warn Zaniel about a story he started to tell that was leaning towards unsavory once, but he was very drunk and asked for a ride home.”
“Claire?” Mitch was topless, the scars making her feel somewhat guilty.
“I may have introduced myself to Pepper.” Claire said sheepishly, handing him the phone.
Mitch sighed. “Hey, Pepper, I promise to call you back-no, I promise. Yes, today.” Claire’s eyes were on the scar above his belly button. “Claire, I was gonna wait until after the event to tell you-Claire?”
Claire inhaled shakily and handed him his mug of herbal tea. “I wanted to push you into going to this game night, but…” Her eyes wandered back to the newer scars.
“Believe it or not, I’ve heard of Pepper more than once. Langham went to his parties all the time. I just chose to accompany him to non-Pepper parties. They’re not as bad as you might be thinking.”
“No, he uh-he seems genuine. I really do want you to get out there, connect with the community, meet good gay people like Teddy and Langham. Maybe even your future beau.”
“Get back to me when they let gays marry.” Mitch said.
“Mr. The One, then.”
“Yeah, no romance will be at this game night. We’ll be too busy yelling ‘you call that a pirate drawing?’”
Claire snorted. “Does that mean you’ll go?”
Mitch hesitated. “I don’t know.”
Claire laughed. “Text me and Phil the address and call us if you need to. And I mean it. It doesn’t matter if it’s late and the kids wake up, I can put them back to bed. Just…I don’t like not knowing what’s up and you know why. Especially in this type of environment.”
“I’m confused, are you trying to talk me into going?”
“Yes?” Damn it.
“Why don’t I call Pepper later and then get back to you?”
“Sounds good.”
Mitch had mulled it over and decided to go just to challenge Pepper’s statement about him not regretting it and to not become a ‘shriveled husk of a gorgeous man’ as Pepper put it. Claire told her brother that Pepper hadn’t been entirely wrong. Following the new year in 2002, Mitchell had declared himself shut off from most emotions, locking his broken heart and soul behind thick walls. He went by routine: eat, sleep, work, try to maintain good personal hygiene, interact with family to an extent, and others only when mandatory.
Claire and Phil were texted the address and the time that Mitch got there. The Dunphy routine was the same as usual, but with added nervousness from Claire. Phil didn’t want to add onto it by expressing his wariness, so he chose to express his positive outlook. Alex and Luke were too young to understand why their mom was so nervous. Ten year old Haley may have forgotten some specifics, but she couldn’t forget how that year felt. How little she’d seen of her uncle. How terrified he’d been when he came back.
The night wore on and the younger two were blissfully playing, Haley having convinced Luke to dress up as Betty Luke. Alex really wanted the whole family to see, but Haley told her that their grandpa wouldn’t like it. When Phil asked how she knew that, Haley said she remembered when Claire was sick and Mitchell dressed up to play with his nieces. Claire was surprised that she remembered that.
“She remembers that, but she can’t remember the back page of her math homework?” Claire asked after Haley had gone to bed.
“Homework doesn’t make as big of a show as Jay has.” Phil said.
“Ain’t that the truth.” Claire muttered, glancing at her phone yet again.
“He’ll be fine.”
“He didn’t answer me when I asked how it was going.”
“There’s probably music and maybe he struck up conversation. It would be kinda rude to leave someone hanging while you text someone else. Even if it’s for good reason.”
“I guess.” They watched a movie to pass the time. It didn’t stop her from glancing or her immediate action in grabbing her phone at the text tone.
Mitch: I’m home safe, nothing untoward happened
Claire: Good
She had a million questions, but let them all go for now. He was safe. Phil whispered this into her ear softly, repeating it until she squeezed his hand to let him know it sunk in.
Claire: Night, baby bro!
Mitch: Good night and thanks
Claire: <3
Mitch: <3
With that, Claire and Phil went to bed.
…
She was utterly shocked that Mitchell had spent a Saturday at the house of a guy he’d met at game night and didn’t text her once. The man had given Mitch a sweater and more importantly, hadn’t hurt him. And now Mitch had a coffee date with the guy. He came over to the Dunphy house the morning of and had a small cup of coffee.
“First off, I’m happy for you, but a whole Saturday and you didn’t tell me you were at a stranger’s place?” Claire said, nursing her mug. Haley and Alex were at friends houses and Phil was playing with Luke in the back yard.
“I know, I should’ve texted, just…I thought about loosening the self placed rules a bit.”
“A warning would’ve been nice. So, what’s his name?”
“Cameron Tucker.”
“Cameron Tucker…hm, haven’t heard that name before. What’s he like?”
“Charming, extroverted, a bit dramatic, but he admits to playing it up for parties. He’s really sweet. Both of us kinda have broken hearts, he uh-asked me to let him down gently. He’s got brown hair and the most beautiful brown eyes-what?”
Claire had a huge grin on her face. “You’ve got it bad, baby bro.”
“I’m not falling that fast.”
“Is that what you tell yourself?”
“It’s true.”
“I see the cracks in the armor.” Claire said as Phil and Luke came inside. “Your eyes start going all dewey and you had a goofy smile on your face and your voice was just gushing.”
Mitch blushed. “I-I am not being that obvious.”
"Uh-huh, well don't be late." Mitch left for his date as Luke went to wash his hands. Phil put his arm around Claire. "He’s totally in love."
“Oh yeah.” Phil agreed.
“Make sure Luke doesn’t flood the bathroom again.” She’d heard the five year old start to giggle and the water was still running.
“On it.”
…
“I told him my heart was frozen and the relationship he wanted might not last.” Mitch admitted over the phone after he described the date.
“Whyyyy would you do that?” Claire groaned.
“I’m self sabotaging. I dunno, it-it’s…I’m freaking out, this isn’t-this is new…I think…or not that new but like-like…I only really felt something like this with Teddy. But this time it’s more and-and I’m freaking out, Claire! No my god, did I just ruin my relationship before it started?”
“What was his reaction?”
“Um…to ask to get to at least date two and that he’s up for a challenge…and promised friendship if the romance doesn’t work out.”
“Now you have a new friend and potential boyfriend and he seems cool, he already gave you a free sweater. When are you introducing us?”
“Um…maybe uh…not too soon.”
Mitch would tell Claire about the following four dates with Cam which were spread over the next three months. Unsure if he should bring Cam to the barbecue for Fourth of July, he opted to introduce his boyfriend to the Dunphys first. Typically it would be Dede, but Mitch’s perception of her had changed a bit. Not enough to cut her off or go low contact, but enough to want to share with Claire first.
...
June 2004
The kids were staring out the window, their noses pressed to the glass as Mitch’s car pulled in. Luke excitedly announced to his parents that Uncle Mitchell was here. Alex tore her eyes away from the glass, mainly to not squish her glasses. Haley’s eyes were firmly locked on her uncle as he got out of the car, then at the unknown man. Mitchell had looked around to make sure no one was watching, unaware of Haley staring, then kissed the man. Haley’s brows rose. The man got a gift basket out from the back seat. She let out a small ‘eep’ when the brunet saw her and waved. She ducked under the piano.
“Uncle Mitchell!” Alex and Luke squealed when the door opened. They hugged him.
“Hey there, I brought someone special to meet you guys!” Mitch said, ruffling Luke’s curls.
Haley peeked out from the piano to see her family greeting the stranger. They were all acting happy and nice.
“Haley, come say hi to Cameron.” Claire said.
“Oh, you can call me Cam.” Cam said. “Hello there, you must be Haley. Mitchell’s told me a lot about you.”
“You don’t know me.” Haley said, crossing her arms.
“Haley, be nice to your uncle’s boyfriend.” Claire said.
Haley’s brows shot up again. “Boyfriend?”
“Yep, we made it official on our last date.” Mitch said.
“Presents?” Luke asked, reaching for the gift basket.
“Oh yes, I brought a gift basket.” Cam said. They went into the kitchen, Haley followed behind. “I made the bread and apple butter myself. I had to use Pepper’s kitchen for those. Now, the bottle is for the grown ups.”
“We know that.” Haley said bluntly.
“I don’t knowed that.” Luke retorted.
“Do you like baking?” Alex asked Cam so an argument wouldn’t break out between her siblings.
“Honestly, this is my third time baking bread. I’m better at cooking on the stove. I hear Mitchell likes baking, so that’s a great combo we have and we can teach each other.” Cam said.
“CANDY!” Luke took the bag of chocolates. Claire took it from him immediately. “Aww.”
“After dinner.” Claire said. “Speaking of, Cam why don’t you help me with dinner? Phil, Mitch, and the kids can play outside.”
“I’d rather read.” Alex said.
“Read outside then.”
“And that’s code for ‘adults talking, go away kids’.”
“That would be the unkind way to say it, but yeah.” Alex went to get a book and went outside where Phil and Luke were already playing baseball. “Mitchell, could I have a moment with your boyfriend?”
“Depends.” Mitch said nervously, tugging at the dark green sweater Cam had given him.
“A conversation.”
“Claire, I-there are things-”
“Just getting to know him.”
“That’s all?”
“For now.”
“Swear?”
“Cross my heart.”
“What heart?”
“Oh shut up.” Claire rolled her eyes. Mitch’s sass meant he trusted her not to dive into his past or scare Cam away. “Haley, I know you’re hiding back there.”
Haley sighed, coming around the hall corner. “Do I have to go outside?”
“Yes. Go tell Mitchell about your latest school project or something.”
“It’s the middle of summer.” Haley said.
“Do all my kids have the Pritchett sass?” Claire muttered. “Haley, please go outside with your uncle.”
“Your kids are half Pritchett, yeah they have it.” Mitch said. “We’ll find something to talk about. We still need to plan our next tea date.”
Haley sighed dramatically. “You never want me to know anything.” She huffed, going outside.
“It’s for your own good!” Claire called after her. Mitch gave his sister and boyfriend a concerned look before going outside.
“Why does he look so nervous?” Cam asked.
“Could you cut the-oh, you did the veggies already.”
“Didn’t want to butt in. And I’m used to food prep, grew up on a farm.”
“Alright, a farm boy.” Claire nodded. “I can work with that.”
They continued dinner prep while Claire thought of what she wanted to say. Cam politely waited for her to speak. When she didn’t, he thought he’d start a conversation.
“Your kids are cute.”
“For now.” Claire said. “Just you wait. You have any siblings?”
“Three older ones.”
“So, you understand how protective older siblings can be?”
“Kinda. My brothers…uh-well, they used to be protective over my sister and me. There’s a bit of an age gap between Paul and Pam, Merle junior’s a couple years older than Paul.”
“Used to?”
“I guess they’d be protective of her, but um…not exactly me anymore.”
“Why and does Mitch know?”
“Gay and yes.”
“Oh. Well sucks for them, I’d make a great sister in law.”
“Mitchell pre-warned me that you’d be on the defensive. Not that it’s a bad thing, I think it’s good. He told me surface level things. I mean, I kinda noticed some behaviors and a couple verbal slip ups-” Claire opened her mouth to interrupt, but Cam kept going. “-I told him I want to be one of the good ones. I meant it when I said I want to be friends if our relationship doesn’t work out. I’m on good terms with my exes or at the very least the ending was amicable enough…well, Keifth left me that was kinda awkward. Anyway, Mitchell needs a friend at least.”
“He needs to not shut himself off from everything. What makes you sure you’re the one?”
“I dunno, I hope he loves me as much as I love him. I’m just hoping I’m not as bad as he’s alluding to. Maybe a bit less energetic than Langham and I have no idea what Teddy was like.”
“You may be tamer than Langham and definitely more extroverted than Teddy. I can tell by now that you’re nowhere near the bad…but-it was…he doesn’t want me to tell you-”
“Then don’t. It’s okay, I’m fine waiting. Has he seen a therapist about it?”
“No, but he needs to. He’s only ever told me almost everything, Phil knows too, but our parents don’t. He’s scared to open back up.”
They finished making dinner and called everyone inside. Mitch was relieved to see Cam still there and didn’t look utterly traumatized. Claire caught his expression and rolled her eyes. They sat around the table and the kids started chatting. Cam was settling nicely and it seemed Haley was warming up to him. Cam was chatting with Phil while Claire and Mitch washed dishes. She promised she didn’t say anything he wouldn’t want said. Mitch admitted that his defensive armor was cracking. The walls he firmly built had seen a light and let it through. He knew Cam was right, he was scared to open up. He was scared to go back. To risk being tricked again.
Mitch was fine with his guard down at the Dunphy house…until Jay showed up. The moment Phil opened the door, Mitch bristled. The kids greeted their grandpa before going to get ice cream. Haley’s eyes were locked on the adults in the living room. Jay looked Cam up and down, obviously put off by the blue plaid shirt.
“Who are you?”
“Hello, Mr. Pritchett, I’m Cameron Tucker.” He held his hand out. Jay didn’t take it. “I’m Mitchell’s boyfriend.”
The only noise was a clanking spoon as Luke ate. Alex had stopped when she saw her sister’s concerned face. Mitch was rigid and Claire bit her lip, hand on Mitch’s wrist. Cam was worried he shouldn’t have said that and looked over at the siblings for help, then at Phil.
“So, uh-Jay, want some ice cream?” Phil asked.
“No, I came to talk about the Fourth and I see…Mitchell, what’s the meaning of this?”
“ICE CREAM HAT!” Luke yelled.
“LUKE! NO!” Claire turned to see Luke with the overturned bowl on his head, ice cream dripping down his hair. The girls exclaimed in disgust and got out of their seats.
“EW!” “LUKE!” The girls complained as Luke started touching their arms with sticky, ice cream covered fingers.
“Luke…” Claire sighed.
“I’ll clean Luke.” Phil said, lifting a giggling Luke up and taking him to the bathroom next to the office room. The girls grumbled as they made their way upstairs.
“Gentlemen, could you clean the table for me, please?” Cam and Mitch were grateful for the distraction and went to clean. Claire rounded on her father. “Don’t ruin this for him.” She hissed.
“Do we know anything about this guy?”
“The fact that Mitch has been seeing him for the past four months and he's perfectly unharmed.”
“Four months and you didn’t tell me?”
“Who would want to tell you?” Claire asked coldly. “And it’s quite frankly, none of your business. It’s barely mine. I only know his location when he goes out.”
“I’m telling you that’s a neurotic-”
“No.” Claire said in a low voice. “You don’t get to tell me that. You don’t get to tell me this is all in my damn head. You didn’t cover his bruises. You didn’t see his scars. You didn’t hear the story. You weren’t the one trying to convince him we weren’t going to send him back to a hellhole. You abandoned your son and in turn, you abandoned me. You left me to fend for myself while my husband tried to save face for the kids. And you sure as hell aren’t the one trying to convince him to give this guy a chance while hoping it doesn’t blow up in my face and I don’t have to pick the pieces up again.” Cam giggled from the kitchen, Mitch was smiling. Claire looked at them. “It gets harder not to let my own guard down. But I’m not letting you hurt him. Not again.”
“Claire-”
“Stop talking.”
Cam dangled the washcloth in front of Mitch. Mitch wrinkled his nose and shook his head, his response inaudible to Claire and Jay. Cam giggled again and Mitch stuck his tongue out. They went to the sink and were out of view.
“Not everything is my fault.”
“Some days, it’s hard to believe that.”
The sound of dishwashing stopped. Jay’s lack of response made for near silence as Luke was loudly talking from the bathroom. Claire quietly crept to the kitchen and saw the back of her brother’s head as Cam kissed him. They were holding hands as what was probably most comfortable for Mitch. Mitch was leaning into the kiss, one hand slowly touching Cam’s thigh-
Jay cleared his throat. Mitch jumped back, shocked. His face immediately turned pink at the sight of his dad and sister. Claire looked frustrated and Jay had a disturbed look on his face. Cam grinned sheepishly.
“Dad, I was going to give them their moment.” Claire sighed.
“Maybe they should lead by example-”
“This is starting to sound very familiar.” Mitch said angrily. “And I’m not going down that route again.” He took Cam’s hand and walked to the door.
“Uncle Mitchell, will you come back?” Haley asked from the top of the stairs. Mitch’s face softened.
“Of course, honey. It’s just late and everyone should go to bed.”
“Bye-bye!” Luke said, dashing out of the bathroom to hug Mitch and Cam. Alex waved from next to her sister.
“See you all soon.” Cam said. “It was very nice getting to know you.”
“You’re too nice, really.” Claire said, trying not to let the kids hear her frustration. “Mitchell-” Please, just get home safely. Please be safe.
“See you soon.” Mitch said with a slight nod towards his sister. I promise.
Jay left a few minutes after Mitch and Cam did. Phil put Luke to bed and Claire came by to say goodnight to the kids. Then she went downstairs and started cleaning the kitchen. Phil joined her silently, noticing the way she glanced at her phone often.
After they were done cleaning, Phil took her hand and kissed her. “He’ll be okay.”
Claire wanted to believe that, she really did. She couldn’t help the flashbacks. It was something not even her husband’s comforting arms could chip away at. The flashbacks were worse once she lay in bed. The countless nights she was berating herself for just sleeping while her brother was god knows where. Sleep seemed trivial. Wasted time where she could’ve done something, anything. She dared to think she was the one struggling while her brother-
“Claire…stop blaming yourself.” Phil whispered sleepily.
“I see the seven year old…my baby brother…I couldn’t protect him from Grandfather because we were both kids, but-”
“It wasn’t your fault. He doesn’t blame you either.”
“Do you trust Cam?”
“He needs someone to since you and Jay will be watching.”
Even when Mitch texted that he was safe, it still didn’t make everything okay. Claire’s emotional struggle ran deep. She still felt she failed to protect him. She broke their promise.
“I broke my promise…to protect.”
“No, you didn’t.” Phil mumbled. “Someone…took advantage…” He fell asleep.
“I love you, Phil, but I really think you’re wrong about that.”
Mitch called the next morning, saying that Cam spent the night on the couch and went home after breakfast.
“He knows my bad habits. He knows I have scars and that my panic attacks came after…that man. I told him I’d been hurt before and slipped up and asked if I had a choice when he asked to kiss me. He asked for consent. He put hydrogen peroxide on the scratches and it was…gentle.”
“You’re still scratching and skin picking?”
“Yes.”
“Mitchell-”
“I’m trying.” Mitch’s voice was full of emotion. “I-I want to love him. I do love him…I-I’ve learned to live with it…the pain…maybe I always will. Maybe it’ll never truly go away, but…he won’t hurt me.”
“Did you tell him everything?”
“No, but I will. I’ll bring him to Fourth of July and if Dad doesn’t like it, he can shove his opinion up his ass.”
“Are you going to tell Cam before?”
“I will tell Cam my story.” Claire took that as that he would tell Cam before the party.
...
July 4th, 2004
Cam seemed a little put out and Claire thought it was because of the story. What she didn’t know was that Jay had bumped him with his car and claimed it was an accident. Cam wasn’t hurt, but he was a bit worried about what everything meant. The majority of the party was outside with the kids in the pool. A couple of family friends had shown up and were outside. Jay was in and out of the house, Phil trying to have conversations with him. Mitch opted not to go in the pool, though Cam was ready for it. He went to give Mitch a hug before he dove into the pool. Claire was just coming inside the house while Jay was attempting to actively ignore Phil when Mitch shouted.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!”
Cam hesitated, paused in mid-trying to catch his boyfriend who had wheezed and suddenly jerked forward, catching himself on the floor. Claire saw some people coming in and asked them to stay outside for a moment and told Phil to make sure the kids didn’t investigate. Phil immediately complied.
“I-I’m sorry- I-don’t-I just wanted-hug-uh-” Cam stammered.
“And forgot about his neck issues?” Claire asked.
“What? I didn’t-you mean the scratches?”
“You didn’t tell him?” Jay asked as Mitch picked himself up off the floor.
“Wh-Claire, you told dad?!” Mitch yelped.
“No, I’m the one who dragged your half conscious ass to the car.”
“That wasn’t Phil?”
“It was me, trying to figure out how you ended up there and looked like you’d been in a fight.”
“A-a fight?” Cam gasped.
“Yeah, physical.”
“Dad!” Mitch complained.
“Mitchell.” Claire said. Mitch made eye contact and nodded shakily. “Go out to Phil. Cam and I will talk.” He hesitated and she rolled her eyes. “I won’t hurt him."
“I told him I meant business.” Jay added. “And I know Dede would’ve said something.”
“She did.” Cam admitted. “Very uh-descriptively.”
“Do you want me to leave the room?” Mitch debated it, then shook his head. Better to get two birds with one stone. “Alright. Watch the grill for me, would you?”
“Yeah.” Mitch avoided Cam’s gaze as he went outside trying not to cry as he pushed the images of Cam’s potential reaction out of his mind. He’s going to leave me. He’s going to think I’m not good enough. I’m too broken. Too damaged. It’s going to scare him off so badly he doesn’t even want to be friends.
“Did Mitch go into any detail besides ‘bad relationship’?” Claire asked Cam.
“From the sounds of it, the guy was very controlling, caused panic attacks and increased his anxiety…I um-also-I got the vibe that it might’ve been physically abusive…”
Claire puffed a heavy breath of air. Clearly Mitch had not meant ‘I will tell Cam before the party’. “That is part of the tip of the iceberg.”
“What did-what started it?”
“LSD. In his emotional state after a dumb argument with our dad on New Years Eve just before 2001 started. He went to some shady bar in another town and this asshole took advantage of him, drugged him, got him hooked on the drug. The physical abuse started when Mitch tried to stop taking the drugs. He tried to fight back and was overpowered. After that it was-it was downhill. Basically every abuse you can think of. Every sort of dark, depraved action a monster could do…reduced my brother to being terrified of his own family. Of children. He had no idea how to assimilate back into society. I know there are details he left out, but what I do know haunts me. He was tied to a radiator, beaten near daily, he was-” A lump came to Claire’s throat. She swallowed it and continued telling Cam what Mitch told her. She sniffled. “He wasn’t Mitchell anymore…he was-well, you ever have an experiment where you either do an egg drop or you have to take care of an egg?”
“Both, I mean we had a chicken coop-uh, go on.”
“He was like that. A swirly mass inside a fragile shell. Except that egg was cracked, busted, almost empty inside. He swore to me he’d shut off emotions. He’d try to be ‘normal’ in front of the kids, but he put up his walls, donned the armor…all to protect the shards that remain. He’s still hurt badly. He’s terrified to be in love. He doesn’t know what it means anymore.”
Cam was pale and at a loss for words. He looked at Jay who had a grim expression. Unknown to everyone, Jay felt like a knife had been shoved through his heart and twisted. He knew it was his fault. You almost got your son killed, Jay. He could’ve been dead in a ditch just like that kid back then…you got him killed. You almost killed another bright blue eyed young man and this time, it was your own son.
“I need you to promise me you won’t hurt him.” Claire said, turning Cam’s attention back to her. “That man, I don’t know where he is now. No one’s seen him since Mitchell escaped, so I can’t do anything to him because lord knows I would. So, take this as a warning that if you break that promise by doing something even close to a fraction of what that man did, I can and will do far worse than just punch you.” Her tone was dark at the end.
“I-I promise.” Cam said.
Jay silently went outside, avoiding eye contact with Mitch. Mitch was startled and ran inside to see that Cam wasn’t there. His eyes welled up with tears. Claire tried to take his hand, but he jerked away.
“Mitchell, he’s-”
“I told you this would happen!” Mitch yelled at Claire. “I told you-I told you he’d leave me…he’d run away and-and never come back because-because I’m too damaged. I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m-I’m-I-” He saw Cam come downstairs with a towel. “Why?”
Cam swallowed the sassy remark of ‘well I do need a pool towel’ and put the towel down. He walked to Mitch who flinched, gently taking his hands. “May I hug you?”
Mitchell nodded, tears streaming down his face. Cam gently put his arms around Mitch’s back, pulling him in so their foreheads touched lightly. “W-why? I’m…beyond repair.”
“You’re not.” Cam whispered.
“You should hate me.”
“That’s the pain talking.”
“Cam, I’m-I’ve been ruined. Tainted. I’m not-I’m not good enough for you. I’m worthless-” He inhaled sharply as Cam kissed him.
“I know I should’ve asked, but I don’t like when you degrade yourself like that. And you were rambling, I didn’t want to shout.”
“K-kiss me again.” Cam kissed Mitch. The redhead spoke between sobs. “Please…don’t…leave…I-I want…want you.”
“I did say farm boys can’t be scared off so easily.” Mitch took Cam’s hands, pressing them to his face. Cam’s thumbs brushed the beard lightly. Then Mitch took a tentative step back and looked around, realizing Claire had left.
“When did she-?”
“When you asked why the second time.” Cam picked up his towel and held out his hand. “Let’s piece ourselves together. Our mosaic broken hearts. Make something pretty out of it.”
“Close your eyes.”
Cam did so. “Casablanca.” He opened his eyes to see Mitch’s faint smile as he put his hands down. Mitch kissed him, then went to wash his face and came out to see Cam still standing in the same place. They both went outside, Mitch hadn’t felt comfortable holding hands in front of others and Cam was fine with that. Cam did hope that one day, Mitch would be less afraid to show physical affection for his boyfriend.
Claire swam up to them once they sat at the pool’s edge. “You okay?”
“Safe.” Mitch said.
“Cam?”
“I will keep my promises. To you and him.” Cam said.
“Good.”
Claire kicked off in the pool, splashing both of them. They exclaimed, hearing cackling once she popped back up. Cam put his hand on the edge of the pool. Mitch put his next to it, feeling Cam’s pinky twitch. Mitch bumped it lightly.
Later, Claire would admit to Phil that leaving Mitch to talk with Cam was the hardest thing she’d had to do in the past three years. She hadn’t quite taken the plunge and trusted him, still gazing inside the kitchen window, but she felt they wouldn’t have been able to talk with her standing there.
“That little boy is grown up. I think he’s healing.” Phil said.
“What do you think was going on with my dad after all that?” Claire asked. “He didn’t say much.”
“Jay is a tough nut to crack. I’d love to see inside that nut-wait, no.”
“Oh, Phil…”
Jay lay in his own bed in his empty house. One would call it quiet, Jay would call it being too alone with the loud voices in his head. He wasn’t sure about Cam, the man seemed a bit silly. Kinda out there like Phil and definitely talkative. But unlike Phil, Cam gave Jay space. Maybe that was due to bumping him with the car, but at least Cam seemed to buy that it was an accident. It wasn’t. Maybe he should’ve told Claire back then. He should’ve done a lot of things before his kids were too grown not to be badly affected by his actions. Especially, he should’ve told Claire he wanted to look for Mitchell on his own. He knew when Claire got focused, she tuned out a lot around her and he didn’t want her kids hurt.
She wouldn’t believe him. She wouldn’t believe that he looked those three days after she told him he’d gone missing. It went back to the period in his life that he absolutely did not want to talk about. The flashbacks not only returned, they muddled. He saw Mitchell’s face as the dust cleared. He was gone. Far out of reach. Jay kept running but he wasn’t getting closer. When will you stop pushing? Who are you really fighting? Where’s the line now that you destroyed the breaking point? Why did you kill me? What the hell did you do, Jay?
I drove you into an abuser’s arms, Mitchell…and I will never forgive myself for it. I doubt you would either.
How do you expect this to end?
I don’t. I live the nightmares every day, drink the poison. Wonder if I even play a good part in this. If I even deserve this.
You don’t.
I know.
You cracked the egg. You caused your son unimaginable pain.
I KNOW!
“GOD DAMN IT, I KNOW!” Jay screamed into the empty house. He groaned. Shaking, he got up and went downstairs, opening a bottle of scotch.
I will remind you until the end of your days.
Bright blue eyes turned lifeless and blond hair splattered with blood. The blond would turn to bright orange, the face became Mitchell’s and Jay’s heart shattered all over again. Claire was right, he did abandon his son. Truthfully, he abandoned his family long ago and he wasn’t sure anything he did starting now could ever make up for it.