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Silence filled the shop as Lucy and Tim were both kept up in their own thoughts. It had been a tough day, starting with an explosion that had nearly taken Lucy’s life. Their main suspect had escaped, and it was only a matter of time until another attack would endanger someone’s life.
Yet their shift had been quiet for a while. Without further clues they were left to patrol the streets like any other day. The only difference was the tension that hung heavy, reminding them what was on stake.
Lucy was beyond tired, but she kept her hands tight around the steering wheel, forcing her eyes to stay open. She was longing to shut them just for a moment, but she had promised herself she wouldn’t admit that.
Her body was aching from the impact of hitting the hard ground when the explosion had gone off, and although she had been lucky, that wouldn’t ease the soreness and the painful bruises she was sure were currently forming all over her backside.
But for now she pushed the thoughts aside, glancing sideways at Tim. Despite his clenched jaw and alert eyes with which he studied the streets for any sign of unusuality, she could see the hints of exhaustion on him too. It seemed she wasn’t the only one longing for a moment of rest.
As if he had read her thoughts Tim turned towards her. “Pull over here. We’re gonna stay here and watch this place for a while.” Silently grateful not to have to keep on driving, Lucy did as he had said, looking up in surprise when Tim unclasped his seat belt.
“I’m gonna shut my eyes for a little. Wake me if a call comes in or you notice something suspicious. At the latest after an hour.” With that he got out of the passenger seat, only to climb into the back.
Lucy bit her lip as she watched him get comfortable in the back, envy creeping up on her as she longed so desperately for sleep herself. But she nodded, training her eyes back onto the road. “Yes, sir”, she complied, not able to keep a little mockery out of her tone.
She wondered when the title had lost its authority to her and become one she liked to use to tease him. And when she had gotten the courage to do so.
Tim stayed silent, leaning his head against the windowpane and closing his eyes. For some reason the atmosphere felt much more vulnerable now. Even though they had been silent before, Lucy had known she could have said something, anything crossing her mind, out loud. But now she had to stay quiet so she wouldn’t disturb Tim’s sleep.
She knew she shouldn’t think too much of it, they were both tired and had much work ahead of them. They needed to make the most of the time they got, so it was smart of Tim to use the opportunity to rest his eyes and more so, his thoughts.
But feeling comfortable enough to sleep around someone else, still demanded some sense of trust. Especially for Tim. It didn’t come easily to him to open up and be vulnerable. He had been raised and trained his whole life to keep his emotions at bay, to mask his feelings and be alert at all times. He didn’t trust people easily and preferred to rely on himself only.
The more Lucy had gotten to know him, the more she had understood why. Growing up with an abusive father, serving in the army and his failed marriage with Isabel had shaped him.
But the more time she had spent with him, the more she felt the longing to show him there was more than one way. That he didn’t have to be who he thought he had to be to protect his heart from further hurt. That he was enough already and that life had more to offer if he allowed himself to feel.
And he had trusted her enough to listen. He had given dating another chance, had dealt with his childhood trauma and worked on his relationship with his sister. And he had been there for her, not just as her training officer but as a friend and sometimes, sometimes it felt like more than that.
Lucy tried to keep her eyes fixed on the road, but they flickered to his figure, too curious to stop herself. While she had been lost in her thoughts it seemed he had fallen asleep. She admired him for it, knowing that even though her body was longing for rest, she would probably not be able to quieten her thoughts to actually sleep.
He had been in the army so he had probably learned to use every chance he got to shut an eye, his body adapting to it. His breaths were deep, his chest slowly rising and falling, a sight that felt oddly grounding.
The tension he so often held in his jaw was gone and the wrinkles on his forehead had disappeared too. It made him look younger, giving him a soft look she secretly adored.
Right now he was just a man. Just Tim.
There was no evidence of the trauma he had suffered, no hint of the scars they had left him with. There was no burden on his shoulders and no frustration that he hadn’t figured out their suspects next move yet.
He looked peaceful, she realized, a sight she longed to see more often.
When the impact of her thought registered in her mind, Lucy’s eyes darted back to the road. She couldn’t think this way. Not about Tim, her former TO, her best friend, her-
A man who was in a relationship with a beautiful blonde.
And she had Chris.
They were happy, weren’t they?
So why was she suddenly feeling her heart pick up his pace as she looked back at Tim once more. Why was there a yearning in her, so deeply it filled her with a deep unease?
Panic filled her as she thought she might never have this moment of quiet peace with him again. Not like this. So she tried to hold onto the image, onto the memory of Tim being so close to her she wanted things she could never admit to herself on a normal day.
But noting about this day was normal. She had almost died this morning, and God knew what they were about to face once this moment had passed.
She was just tired.
Tired and exhausted and that made her delusional. That was why she wanted to study every detail of his face just because she could. Once he was awake again the opportunity would have passed and with it the sense of calm his sleeping presence brought her.
Hot, raging jealousy filled her when she thought Ashley got to wake up to that sight. She could watch him without having to force herself to look away, could reach out to him and explore every inch of his face and could lay next to him.
What would it be like to wake up to Tim next to her, scooting closer so he could wrap his arms around her? If no one would ask questions or make up assumptions.
No, this had to stop or she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes ever again. She was tired, so she was longing for any sense of comfort she could get. That was it. It had nothing to do with Tim and their complicated relationship, she told herself.
But Lucy had never been a good liar.
Clenching her hands around the steering wheel, she forced her eyes to remain on the road and the nearby buildings. She had to think about their case.
Or about anything else. Even thinking back to her near death experience seemed better than keeping her thoughts circling unrestricted around the man so close to her.
Maybe she could take a photo of him. After all he had done the same when she had fallen asleep during their first nightshift. He had even taken on the effort to have t-shirts with that photo on made for the whole precinct. Now was the perfect moment for payback.
But Lucy didn’t have the heart for it. She didn’t want to ruin the moment and possibly his trust in her by using his vulnerability against him. This moment of peace held a meaning to her she didn’t understand and hoped to ignore because everything was easier than to acknowledge her feelings for him.
She didn’t want to turn it into one of banter.
It didn’t feel right.
The hour had passed too quickly for her liking, and for a moment Lucy debated letting Tim sleep a little longer. But he had told her to wake him up after the time was up so it was his decision and not hers.
She could turn on the radio she figured, but during this time of night they only played crappy music. So she leaned over to gently shake his shoulder.
For a second her hand hovered over his face instead, but Lucy forced it away, cautiously touching his shoulder. “Hey”, she kept her voice low, as to not startle him, “The time is up.”
She would have thought it would require more of an effort to wake him, since he had looked so deeply asleep when she had glanced at him. But she watched his brows furrow before his eyes snapped open, staring wide at her before he relaxed.
“Lucy?” His voice was husky from sleep and Lucy bit her lip, quickly leaning back into her seat before she could do something she might regret. “Yup. Who did you expect?”, she asked teasingly, but her stomach sank when her mind came up with the answer.
Ashley. Of course Ashley.
Tim leaned forward in his seat, his eyes scanning her in such an unsubtle way she felt herself shiver under his stare. Why was he looking at her with such an intensity in his eyes?
Finally he adverted them, letting out a breath and running a hand over his face. But she had seen the expression on it before. If she hadn’t known better she would have thought he looked relieved. But that didn’t make any sense.
They were still trapped in this nightmare together, without a lead on their case and no break in sight. Really, no reason to be relieved over.
Tim stretched in his seat, before his eyes found hers again. Back was the mask she was so used to, the tension and the worry. Oh how she wished she could wipe it away and get another glance at his relaxed self.
“Anything happen while I was out?”, he asked and Lucy shook her head. “I would have woken you”, she reminded him and saw a satisfied expression on his face. She had given the right answer. God, he was so obvious.
“You know, I think it would only be fair if I got sleep too”, she told him, although the thought of trading places made her feel oddly nervous.
Perhaps because she had used his sleeping state to stare at him, she was afraid Tim could do the same. What if she drooled in her sleep or said something embarrassing?
But more so, she was afraid he wouldn’t.
But Lucy needed a break from her spinning thoughts and even if she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, a moment of resting her eyes seemed fantastic.
She knew Tim could see the exhaustion written all over her, so she didn’t try to hide it. He knew her too well. But before he could say anything a rippling sound broke through the radio. “Adam 719, a black SUV that might belong to the suspect was seen at 1236 Sunset Boulevard. Please respond.”
Their eyes met and Lucy let out a long sigh. “Adam 719, show us responding.” Tim had reached for the radio and Lucy started the engine again, as they hurried to the scene.
Lucy knew she had a few dreadful hours ahead of her, but even though she hadn’t been able to sleep, at least she had gotten a moment of peace with Tim. And it was more she could have hoped for.
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Tim’s pov:
It wasn’t easy to find sleep. His position wasn’t comfortable, his head leaned against the windowpane in an odd angle. But he had slept in worst places, so he wouldn’t complain.
What kept him up was the woman sitting close to him.
Lucy.
His thoughts were circling back to the moment they had gotten the call this morning over the radio. The destruction he had witnessed when he had pulled on up scene. He hadn’t known much then. Only that an explosion had nearly taken Nolan’s and Chen’s lives.
None of them was in immediate danger when the call came through, but they had requested ambulance nonetheless, knowing how dangerous the shockwave of an explosion could be.
Just because they seemed fine, didn’t mean they were.
That she was.
Tim had buried his feelings for her, the overwhelming worry and panic that settled in him since the call and only slightly faded once his eyes fell on her.
He was glad Grey had decided they would be riding together, giving him the opportunity to be by her side in case something happened. He knew the paramedics had checked on her, but he didn’t feel ready to leave her out of his sight again, too scared what could happen if he wasn’t there with her.
He could feel the exhaustion overtaking the clarity of his thoughts and there was no reason for both of them to stay awake while the streets were silent, so he had made use of the chance to get rest and escape his thoughts spinning around her more and more instead of their suspect.
But with the quiet didn’t come peace. Instead his mind wandered back to the radio call, the fear he had felt until he had seen her, and the worry that still hadn’t left.
If Nolan hadn’t discovered the bomb so quickly, if they had been any slower- no, he couldn’t go there.
She was here and she was safe. For now, a small voice in the back of his mind reminded him and he wanted nothing more than to silence it. He couldn’t let his feelings keep him from doing his job and that contained being fully focused at all times.
But the urge to peak his eyes open again to glance at her, checking to make sure she was still by his side and that she was okay, remained.
“Hey.” Her voice was close to his ear and he felt the darkness being lifted off him. He couldn’t remember falling asleep.
“The time is up.” He nearly shot up from his seat as the memories of the day came back to him along with her words. The radio call- the explosion- the time is up
He opened his eyes, nearly choking on air as he saw her leaning over to him, her hand still laying on his upper arm.
“Lucy?” He could see the confusion on her face before she leaned back in the driver’s seat, her brows furrowing for a second. “Yup. Who did you expect?” Her tone was teasing, but he couldn’t smile, the worry he felt the only thing he could focus on.
His eyes travelled over her body, checking for injuries or a sign she was in pain. But she looked like she always did, the dirt she had been covered in when he had found her cleaned off hours ago and her torn one traded for new uniform.
He let out a breath, running a hand over his face to allow himself a moment of weakness before he composed himself again. “Anything happen while I was out?”, he asked while he finished stretching in his seat, waking his numb limbs and Lucy shook her head. “I would have woken you.”
He smiled slightly at her answer. She knew him too well.
“You know, I think it would only be fair if I got sleep too.” He looked at her, noticing the way she was struggling to keep her eyes open and the slump in her shoulders. But before he could grant her the rest she was longing for they were interrupted, a call coming in from the radio.
He could see the disappointment on Lucy’s face as she started the engine while he responded to it. But perhaps it was better this way. Although he felt a little guilty that she couldn’t get rest herself, he knew how dangerous head injuries were and he didn’t want to risk letting her fall asleep and then not waking up again.
The thought made his chest tighten. She might have been cleared by the EMTs, but better safe than sorry. And Lucy could take it. He knew she could. She had a will in her he had noticed from day one.
He allowed himself one more look at her as she sped through the city. Another day he had nearly lost her. And it made him realize that he couldn’t live without her.
And one day he would tell her.