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It was 01:00 in the morning. Regulus just had one of his colossal breakdowns in the bathroom and unfortunately the scissors had been close by. It was not like he could help it. When his mother started yelling at him inside his head again he just got like that sometimes.
And this time there was no James at home since he was out on a teachers' conference with Remus a few towns over for this weekend. So there was no one here to stop him from making any rash decisions really.
With his mother's voice taunting him again and again. Whispering about her daughter's beautiful long hair he just had to lose it. It had to go. Right now.
And of course, there were the scissors and it was just so easy to grab them. He was no expert by any means and also he was crying which didn't help at all with cutting hair. So he just grabbed random strands and started chopping them off rather violently while continuously sobbing, his hair fell down like tears until he couldn't feel it touching his shoulders anymore. Until all that weight was gone from him.
And then of course he started to calm down a bit and realised what he had just done and oh. Oh, this was bad. It was down to his chin and soso choppy and oh he felt that horrible horrible tightness in his chest again. And heard his mothers' voice telling him how stupid he was for thinking he could be anything else than this.
So by 01:20, he was sobbing again because he felt hideous. It looked hideous and he didn't know how to fix it. Usually, he was really just a very put-together type of person, everything on him was always rather planned out. Every piece of clothing or strand of hair had its purpose. But this, this was just a show of how unstable he actually felt inside.
He wished for James, to hold him through this and tell him it was fine. James would have a solution right now.
Actually, what would James do?
Probably get Sirius involved.
Of course!
Regulus shot up from the floor where he had been crouching.
Sirius was home!
And they were actually living in the same apartment complex so it was easy enough to go there!
Well, the only problem really left now was that Regulus just wasn't James.
He wasn‘t brave and it wasnt easy for him to show weakness.
To show his faults.
Because as established he was usually very put together.
He needed James.
He needed James to go get Sirius because Sirius had been cutting his own hair since he was 14 claiming that the hairdressers always cut it way too short for his liking, which in turn angered their mother even further what with having two sons who just wouldn't really conform to her ideas? Unbearable.
One always wanting it too short and one always keeping it too long. He also began cutting Remus's hair when they moved together since Remus loved the idea of saving some money doing it that way.
It was 01:30 now and really he had no choice he would have to pull together all his strength and go to Sirius alone.
How did he even get into this Situation in the first place? Usually, he had his barber appointments scheduled months and months in advance. But no, with going to uni and having his finals and working in the cafe on the side he just didn't have the time these last few months.
So Regulus gathered himself and went. This couldn't really be this hard, could it? He didn't bother to put on shoes and walked the corridor barefoot.
There was the door and his chest felt like a black hole again. Like it might just suck in his whole body.
*knock knock*
No turning back now.
There was fumbling and rummaging and then the door opened revealing a very much awake Sirius. His brother had always been a night owl. His luck now really. Sirius painted all his best pieces at night claiming that the moon inspired him and such. So at least Regulus didn't have to feel guilty for waking him up.
„Regulus what's going on?“ Sirius blinked at him surprised, because Regulus was very much the opposite of a night person thank you very much. He was a lot happier sitting in the sun in daylight when everything was colored and warm.
And Regulus couldn't, he just couldn't because there was sand in his throat and he was just so embarrassed and how did one speak again? How did you form a sentence?
He just stared at his brother hoping to kind of will his thoughts into the other man's head.
Sirius's gaze washed over him and then there was something like understanding in his eyes and Regulus felt that scratching again.
That scratching behind his nose that made it scrunch up and the salty water falling down his face again.
This was embarrassing, so embarrassing, and now he was crying again. Like a baby. Like a baby who had just cut their hair in the middle of the night and now stood at his brother's door at 01:40 in the morning.
„Oh, Reggi.“ Sirius murmured and pulled him into the flat by his hand. Regulus was still crying because his Body wouldn't listen and he just couldn't stop because he was hideous and it was his fault. Why was he acting so stupid?
More shame crawled up his spine making a nest inside his chest cavity.
Sirius sat him down in the living room and went into the kitchen. Regulus just stared at the telly. There was a movie going on that he didn't know the name of. Something about a closet and a group of children.
When his brother returned he had two steaming mugs in his hands.
„So do you wanna tell me what happened mon étoile?“
As Sirius made himself comfortable Regulus took a deep breath. Right. Talk. He could do it. Just swallow down the sand with a bit of the warm liquid in his mug and talk. If he could manage it after he finally left that house he could manage it after ruining his hair.
„She was in my head again.“
Sirius nodded.
„I had to get it off Siri it was so heavy.“
His brother nodded again.
„So the way I see it then, we need to make you extra handsome now to really piss her off.“
The older one answered and Regulus had to suppress a grin. His brother always knew what to do. It reminded him of those painful years they spent apart. But he didn't want to think of that right now.
„Yes please.“ He said and Sirius soared upwards and into the bathroom, probably looking for his haircutting things. What were they called? Tools? He really had no business cutting hair if he couldn't even figure that out.
He watched a bit more of the movie. The four children were siblings. A little girl a Boy a bit older than another Sister and the oldest Boy. It actually looked very interesting.
„Siri! What's this movie called?!“ he yelled while wiping away the rest of his tears.
„Narnia!“ he answered. „You can play it from the start if you like i watch it like every time Remus is away ist our favorite!“
Regulus searched for the Remote and restarted the movie right as Sirius walked back into the room. He pressed the pause button so they could find the right position for his brother to cut his hair.
It ended up being Sirius up on the Sofa and Regulus sitting in between his legs with scissors and combs sprawled out beside them.
„Don't worry Reggi I will make this good, if I can manage Moony's hair I can definitely do yours.“
Regulus didn't really care how Sirius would cut his hair. He really did trust his brother a lot so he wasn't worried about that at all. He took his mug back into his hands and restarted the movie.
„Cut away then“ he said.
˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦ * ✦ . .
To say Sirius was good at cutting hair was definitely an understatement. Everything he did was done so gently and precisely it almost made Regulus want to cry again.
With his mother always pushing and pulling on his head, this was like a dream. Who knew letting someone other than a barber do your hair could actually feel so nice? James' fingers always felt good twirling in his loose hair strands but that was outside of the context of actually doing something to the hair and making it look different.
In the movie the siblings were fighting at the moment. With the second youngest sibling having trusted the evil Ice Queen and feeling misunderstood by his older brother Regulus could relate quite a bit.
It also made him cringe inward but he would never admit to that.
Some time in between the siblings escaping with the bevers and reaching the camp where Aslan was waiting Sirius stood up and got them some biquits and crisps from the cupboard.
Regulus started to actually enjoy this evening and was almost glad he took to cutting his hair himself.
Right before Lucy and Susan could walk Alsan to the stone table Sirius chimed up.
„I'm done Reggi wanna see?“
„Psssssttttttttt.“
„But Reggi..“
„I need to see what happens Siri.“
Sirius gave a quite laugh and then went to get some blankets and pillows. He roughly cleaned up the hair that fell to the floor and maneuvered Regulus onto the Sofa, then sat down himself as they continued to watch the movie.
„He can't be dead Sirius, Aslan isn't dead he needs to win the war!“
„I'm not telling you Reg but maybe that's just what needed to happen.“
„Nuh uh it's unfair I'm not buying it who is supposed to win for them instead? Peter? He's literally a child.“
Regulus took another pillow and put it between him and Sirius then layed his head down.
They used to always watch movies like this when they were kids. With Regulus laying his head beside Sirius's lap. Of course, they couldn't actually cuddle. Walburga would have never allowed it.
„Ha! I told you he was alive!“ Regulus screamed and Sirius only giggled in response.
They were watching the big battle scene when Regulus' eyes grew heavier and heavier. And by the time the siblings got crowned, he was deeply asleep his head had shifted to be actually on Sirius now and his brother was softly snoring aswell.
✦ . . ˚ . . ✦ * ✦ . .
They woke up because there was rumbling at the door. Which was startling because Sirius didn't await visitors today and the others were not to be back till the evening. They both jumped off the sofa with a yelp as two familiar heads of brown and dark blond curls emerged.
„Here you are Reg! You gave me such a scare when I didn't find you in our apartment and there was hair all over the bathroom floor! wait oh my god Reggi you look so handsome!“ Regulus was a bit confused.
How did he get here again?
He was definitely still sleep-drunk.
What was he doing with Sirius?
He searched the room with his eyes to find the empty tin of biscuits, crisps, and the CD box from Narnia on the living room table. There were two empty mugs and was that hair on the floor?
Oh,
Oh right,
That's why he had come here.
He took one of his hands and pushed it through his waves, they felt softer than before and it was light.
All that weight was gone.
His face went bright red at the thought of why they had cut it in the first place.
„Yeah uhm things happened and uhm Sirius cut my hair?“ He tried.
And bless James because he knew he shouldn't push right now. He just went up to the smaller man to tug him into a twirling hug.
„I have the most handsome boyfriend on earth! Wait no the whole universe!“ He said and then peppered little kisses all over Regulus' face which made him let out some undignified sounds.
„Stop Jamie Stop my brother is here.“ He said but couldn't hold in his giggles any longer.
„Hey! Don't I have to say something about this too?! My Moony is definitely the most handsome Boyfriend in the whole universe!“ Sirius said to which Remus rolled his eyes and everyone started laughing.
„Did you two have a nice evening?“ Remus spoke up and asked Sirius while pulling him into an embrace aswell.
„Yes perfect.“ Sirius smiled and then looked at his brother. „Right Reggi?“
„Yes.“ He said, because it was, perfect, Sirius had made it absolutely perfect. The sudden surge of brotherly love almost overwhelmed him completely because usually he wasn't emotional like that.
So really, again, he had no choice.
His therapist always said not to suppress his feelings either way.
And there were no scissors around and no hair strands to cut left because Sirius had taken care of everything. Of Regulus. So he went to his brother and pulled him into a hug.
Sirius froze for a moment then hugged him back in earnest.
„Thank you Je t'aime.“
„Je t'aime petite étoile.“
They separated and Sirius made a face.
„What's wrong?“ Regulus asked suddenly afraid that he had overstepped.
„You haven't even seen your hair yet Reg! Come with me right now this needs to be changed!“ He said and Regulus was pulled inside the bathroom.
He looked into the mirror and wow, just wow he thought because he had never looked more like himself then now. Because after all Sirius always knew who he was and he had just shown it in the most beautiful way possible.
Tears prickled behind his eyes and Sirius got a bit glassy aswell.
„Thank you soso much Sirius thank you.“ Regulus breathed and Sirius looked at him in the mirror and placed a hand on each of his shoulders.
„Always for my little brother.“
„Naaaaawwwwww i knew you had it in you.“
„Shut up Prongs we are having a moment!“
„Sorry sorry.“ James raised his hands in defeat. Then Regulus remembered.
„How are you guys even here already?“ he said turning a bit with Sirius still attached to his shoulders. His brother moved away and walked back into his boyfriend's arms.
„Yeah I thought you said you come back this evening Moon of my life?“ He asked putting his arms around the taller ones neck.
„We missed you guys Cariad.“ He answered. „So we drove all night and came back early.“ Sirius smiled and nestled his head into the blonde's shoulder planting a little kiss above his collarbone. „Good.“ He said softly.
„So who wants breakfast? You hungry mi estrella?“ James asked as Regulus walked over to him, with a dramatic gesture he answered. „Starving!“ While throwing his head back.
And that's how they went into the kitchen, James made the best food as per usual and they talked about the teachers' meeting and Sirius's new art piece and when Regulus would know the results of his exams.
James snaked his arm around Regulus when they were sitting on the sofa later that day and proclaimed he had never seen Narnia either so that's what they would do this evening.
Regulus looked at his family and smiled to himself.
His family.
When Remus and Sirius went out to get more snacks for their movie night Regulus and James sat down on their sofa as the younger man shared what had happened the night before.
James hugged him tightly telling him how proud he was for reaching out to Sirius on his own. Regulus ran his Hand through his Hair again and yes.
Everything felt just right now.