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As a summer child, Dongmin always thought that it was Jaehyun who should be born in this hot and bright time of the year. Like, how on earth could the loud, smiling and clingy Jeahyun have been born in winter? Dongmin is sure that the snow melted from the warmth of Jaehyun's personality. Unlike Dongmin, who is surely more suitable for a cold and lifeless winter.
Jaehyun was, in a sense, the sun for Dongmin. He always was so bright and soft with him, that sometimes younger one doubted if he deserved it. But what Dongmin loved about him the most was that when he needed Jaehyun by his side, he was really there, holding him gently in his arms without any questions until Dongmin wanted to tell him himself. And it's important to say that Dongmin wasn't really into touches, but.. it's Jaehyun, so it's different.
Dongmin didn't have a favorite season, but Jaehyun does. Surprisingly, it was winter. Especially December. He really enjoyed Christmas and all the preparations for it. And his birthday, yes. But he liked it not because of the attention and gifts, but because he could spend time with his friends. Their entire group of friends was pretty busy during the semester, so only two of them saw each other more than once a week, since they were the roommates in the dorm.
It was the beginning of December, which meant that Jaehyun was already planning how to spend his birthday, because this is a rare time when all six of them get together, so it should be really enjoyable and memorable in some way. Jaehyun was really sad that each of them had so much assignments this semester, so they barely saw each other. He really missed Woonhak, Dongmin could see that clearly. And he could relate. Although Woonhak was already a freshman (not a highschooler!), he was still their beloved baby.
Anyway, it was December, yes. And it wasn't that cold. At least, that's what Dongmin thought. Jaehyun was one of those people who freeze very easily, so he liked to keep reminding Dongmin to put on a bunch of clothes to avoid catching a cold. Sometimes it was a little annoying, but it was Jaehyun, so in Dongmin's eyes it was even cute. And he didn't do it anyway, he just listened to Jaehyun's nagging and, as always, put on his autumn short jacket (and a beanie to protect his ears, he didn't need any reminders for it; he remembered this by heart since once he was in the hospital because of it).
They often hung out on the playground near the dorm, and they really loved to swing when there were no kids around, even if it was a little childish. For Dongmin, it was a time filled with peace, and he could relax and not think about anything. But actually, it wasn't about the playground. It was just Jaehyun.
They were there again. Jaehyun looked really cute in his big puffy jacket with a reddened nose. Gosh, he really can't stand the cold, but he still loved winter. He was rubbing his hands and smiling widely as he telling Dongmin a story from today's classes. It was hard not to smile back at that beautiful smile, and the younger boy couldn't help himself. They often were like that: Jaehyun was talking and Dongmin was listening. But they both felt comfortable about it, although Dongmin started talking more to Jaehyun than to anyone else, because he was usually the most silent in their group (they still loved him, and that doesn't mean he didn't talk to them at all). And then Jaehyun looked down at Dongmin's hands and stopped in mid-sentence.
"What?" asked Dongmin, confused about sudden silence.
"You always forget your gloves," he grumbled.
"It's not that cold yet." Dongmin rolled his eyes with a little smile on his lips.
"But you are cold." Jaehyun frowned and took younger boy's hands in his own, rubbing them gently. "Your fingers are literally like icicles!"
"You didn't wear them either! You're as bad as I am," he grinned. "But somehow your hands are hot."
"Great. That means I can keep you warm."
Dongmin chuckled. Jaehyun has been always like that. He could stop at any moment, no matter what he was doing, and devote all his attention to the younger boy if he thought it was important. Just like this moment. Jaehyun was so gentle, slowly rubbing his cold hands and bringing them to his face from time to time, that Dongmin could feel his warm breath. They were usually like this, but Dongmin couldn't help himself, and his heart skipped a beat. Jaehyun looked up at Dongmin, continuing to do "his job", and the younger one shuddered, a dusty pink spilled over his cheeks and ears. He tried to make a straight face.
They were silent for a while, and then Dongmin cleared his throat. "Have you already decided how you want to spend your birthday?" The previous topic was successfully forgotten.
Jaehyun's eyes met Dongmin's and he replied with a straight face. "Yes, in your arms."
"I'm serious!" younger boy whined.
"Why not? I love huggies."
"The guys will be there too. You need to come up with something else."
"Okay, okay, how about an arcade? Or a quest? Not the horror one though. I don't want to die on the same day as I was born."
"I mean, some of the guys would like it, I think," Dongmin said.
"What?!" Jaehyun widened his eyes and stared at the boy in shock.
"Not the death thing, Jesus! I was talking about the horror quest." Now Dongmin looked just like Jaehyun, with his eyes wide open. How could this boy even think about it?
"Oh..I see. But, after all, it's my birthday, so no horrors."
Dongmin shook his head with a slight smile. "Whatever you say."
"And after the games, we can go to my house. My parents said that they could leave it for us for a few hours. We can watch movies, have a snack, cuddle with Woonhak.."
"A minute ago you said you wanted me to hug you, and now it's Woonhak?" Dongmin grinned.
"Hey, this is our Woonbaby! You know how much I love teasing him. And I really miss him, he hasn't hugged me in a long time." Jaehyun pouted. Dongmin only now noticed that Jaehyun was holding younger's hands in the pockets of his big jacket, still tenderly stroking his skin with his thumbs. "Huh, you're jealous, aren't you?" Jaehyun narrowed with a teasing smile.
"You wish."
Then they fell silent again. The sun had already disappeared below the horizon, and they were standing under a streetlight. Both were lost in their own thoughts, and then Dongmin noticed out of the corner of his eye that Jaehyun was looking at him. No, he was definitely staring. Was he even blinking? The younger boy avoided looking into Jaehyun's eyes for several minutes, hoping that he would stop doing what he was doing, and Dongmin would be able to exhale (well, he could admit that this stare made him a little nervous). But he didn't do it. Jaehyun's eyes were still fixed on Dongmin's face, and suddenly his voice came out.
"I like you." His voice wasn't loud enough, as if he was talking to himself, it even seemed like Dongmin shouldn't have heard it, but unfortunately or not, he did.
After a moment Jaehyun seemed to realize what he had said (and that he did it out loud) and widened his eyes. He looked like it caught him offguard, like it did with Dongmin. The younger boy thought that Jaehyun would start making excuses or denying, but he only pursed his lips and looked at Dongmin with a mixture of caution and fear. It was as if he was afraid the boy would hurt him. But Dongmin was too stunned to speak. Sometimes he was very slow, so at that moment it was difficult to figure things out and say something. Jaehyun was clearly nervous, but he didn't deny or take back his words. He gently took Dongmin's hands and pulled them out of his pockets, still not letting them go though. But he was about to do it, something told Dongmin about it in his head.
"You heard it, I can tell. You know, I'm not going to deny it. I said what I said. I like you, Dongmin. As a person, as a friend, as a man. I don't know if you feel the same way, but if you don't, then it's totally fine. I don't want to make things awkward between us, so if you just want to be friends, that's okay. I don't want to lose you." Jaehyun played with Dongmin's fingers as he spoke. Maybe he was too nervous, so it helped to distract himself a little.
"Sorry, I–" Dongmin stopped in mid-sentence. But then he saw a hint of pain in Jaehyun's eyes, so he hurried on. "I don't know what to say now. May I... think a little? I don't want to hurt you."
"Yes, of course." The older boy tried to look unbothered, although Dongmin felt that Jaehyun's hands were sweating with anxiety, but despite this, he still held the younger's hands. Dongmin lightly squeezed Jaehyun's fingers as a sign of support. "I don't want to push you, take your time. Will you be ready... I mean, on my birthday, will you be ready to share your thoughts on this with me?"
Dongmin pursed his lips. "I'll try to be."
"Thank you," Jaehyun exhaled. Then he took one last look at their intertwined fingers and let them go.
The days flew by faster than Dongmin would have liked. He still thought he needed more time to think things through properly, but he just didn't have it. It was d-day. Jaehyun's birthday. It would be a lie, if Dongmin said he wasn't nervous, but he had to do it for both of them. Because he remembered that the day when Jaehyun confessed to him, the boy shooed him away into their room and was outside for about twenty minutes after that. He was smiling, but Dongmin could see that Jaehyun wasn't as confident as he always was and looked like he wanted to hide somewhere. So he left him alone. Although right now he was the one who wanted to hide. But he couldn't do that to Jaehyun. Dongmin told himself that one day he would have to face his feelings anyway, so maybe it's not the worse timing, especially when he can be sure about the other boy's feelings (he didn't want to wait until it turned into unrequited love). He had to do it at all costs.
They had already agreed to meet at the arcade, and Dongmin wasn't sure if it was a good idea. But anyway. He hoped that he would be able to find his friends quickly when he came. Fortunately, that's what happened. It seemed like he hadn't seen the guys for ages, although in fact it had been a little over a week, and he even managed to cross paths with Sanghyeok two days ago. Anyway, it was nice to get everyone back together. They also decided that they would celebrate the boy's birthday directly at Jaehyun's house, and just play here, but Donghyun and Woonhak still managed to persuade the arcade workers, so already here Jaehyun was presented with his first birthday cake (the second was waiting at home), and the boys made him make a wish. Dongmin allowed himself to relax a little and squared his shoulders, seeing Jaehyun's genuinely happy smile. He didn't want it to be fake again, like when he whispered to the elder that they would talk when they were at his house. It was mean of him to make Jaehyun wait for them to come back, but Dongmin didn't want to talk about such a thing in a public place. Jaehyun just pursed his lips, nodded, and turned to the others with a wide smile, as if that frown hadn't been there a second ago.
Dongmin is actually glad that they chose the arcade, because it seems like he hasn't had so much fun in a long time. Although knowing him, Dongmin could also have an exciting time alone in his room, but playing with friends was good and nice in his own way (and he was really glad to see a smile on Jaehyun's face throughout the time, as if he had completely thrown the upcoming conversation out of his head; Dongmin believed that it was for the best, he didn't want the boy to be sad and worried on his own birthday).
At home, they congratulated Jaehyun once again, even gave the honor to Woonhak to give Jaehyun the cake, since he was his beloved younger brother and son in one person. It was fun to see an embarrassed Woonhak when Jaehyun looked at him with big watery eyes, and then hugged him tightly, almost dropping the cake. Dongmin even took a photo. No one doubted it, but it was just another confirmation that Jaehyun loves Woonhak more than anyone else in the world. Dongmin liked this serene atmosphere. And yet, he needed to break it carefully for their own good. When Jaehyun told the guys to sit in the living room and choose a movie, Dongmin quietly pulled him aside.
Jaehyun didn't ask anything, apparently understanding what the younger boy might need from him. They went to Jaehyun's room, Dongmin awkwardly closed the door behind them, then just as awkwardly cleared his throat. "Um, I think you already know why I dragged you here, but yes, I was thinking about those words of yours." Dongmin looked at his fingers and played with the rings, not daring to look up at Jaehyun's face. "To be honest, I think I was thinking about too much, which is why I was constantly rushing around without an answer, although, in a sense, it was obvious all the time."
Jaehyun was still silently listening to the younger one, but it seemed that after these words, something in him changed. Dongmin couldn't tell if he had relaxed even a little or, on the contrary, tensed up. Dongmin's fingers moved to his sleeves and fidgeted with them nervously as he gathered the courage to continue talking.
"I don't know how to put my thoughts into words as clearly as you do, but I want you not to have to try too hard to understand how I feel. I don't want to bore you. I don't want to upset you. I don't want to get you into trouble." As he spoke, Dongmin saw anxiety begin to splash at the bottom of Jaehyun's eyes.
"No, no, wait, you don't mean to say that...?"
"I will continue to bother you. I know I might accidentally upset you or cause you problems, but I want to be your problem. I want to learn to express my thoughts and feelings more clearly for the sake of our friends and you." Dongmin took a deep breath and exhaled, then looked up at Jaehyun. He seemed to be holding his breath too. The younger boy smiled uncertainly. "I think I like you too."
When they returned to their friends, they were already waiting for them. Everyone decided to give Jaehyun the gifts they had prepared for him. Dongmin had given him headphones that he had customized for the boy himself, but the best gift Jaehyun had ever received was the younger's shy gaze, slightly smiling lips, and nervous: "I think I like you too."