Archive of Our Own ^beta

Relationships are stupid.

Romantic relationships are stupid.

Why put all your trust into one measly person! 

They could break your heart in a snap–y’know?! 

Why get so attached…

So fond of a person…

Who has the power to destroy your whole life.

…

“...stupid.”

I’m fucking stupid.

Airi sunk into the mattress of her bed–a mattress that felt so firm she could practically hear her spine contorting in discomfort.

Even so, she’d stay idle–finding no strength in her limbs to seek out a more fitting place to lie.

Her heart shriveled in pain beneath her ribcage–beating to a slow rhythm as a chilly sensation ran through her veins.

…This sucks.

Sitting painfully on her back, eyes stripped of moisture no matter how many times she blinked, head throbbing…

She didn't have to feel this way…

Not if she wasn't such a dickhead! 

Bzzzzt…

A low vibration shook her bed frame.

Airi turned her head to the side, finding her phone displaying an incoming call from none other than…

“...ena.” She croaked out the name of her best friend with an immeasurably dehydrated tone.

She then restrained herself from calling her friend a slew of curses in her head. Why did she have to move in her already painful state?!

Airi huffed.

I mean, whatever. I’ll answer.

As stiff as a rock–she took her arm out, picked up the phone–and accepted the call.

“AIRI WHAT THE FUCK???” 

The hell–!?

The girl in question winced from the unwarranted attack on her ears.

Pressing her volume button down a few notches, she replied, “...what is it, ena.” Her voice remained noticeably groggy.

“YOU–” There was a small pause before the intensity of her voice decreased. “YOU BROKE UP WITH SHIZUKU? IT’S ONLY BEEN A FEW WEEKS!”

…?

She…

It's fine if she knows–she's her best friend after all but…

But how the hell…

“Who told you that?” She probed out of genuine confusion. Though–there were only a handful of possible answers…

“Min–Minori-chan did…”

Aah. Of course she'd go crying to Minori after something she caused.

“You guys talk often?” Airi’s brows furrowed as she interrogated.

“Not really, but I figured if Minori-chan’s so sad she goes to me it must be to get to you!” Ena spoke in a hurt tone, like this involved her in any capacity.

Airi let out a breath.

…it’s not right to get mad at her though, not yet–at least.

She's the first person that reached out after all this, actually.

She’s a little happy she reached out.

“Mm, ‘guess.” 

…

Ena waited for a follow-up, but nothing came.

“YOU GUESS?! Airi, tell me what the hell happened! What happened to our ‘life updates’?! You think you can just ghost me all of a sudden and I’ll be okay with that?!” Ena spat, her voice akin to the tone she developed when they’d fight all those years ago…

Airi took a moment to consider her words.

…Maybe she did think as such.

There wasn't a plausible reason to, she's as comfortable with Ena as one could get with a friend; even the most mundane occurrences in her life would be shared with her a second after.

But, her headspace has become a little bleak as of late.

A little…? I had to stop myself from bad mouthing her just because she decided to call me…

Airi inhaled, finding herself pretty guilty in this case. “You're right, ‘romi. Just wasn't feeling too hot–y’know?”

“Are you gonna keep calling me Kuromi…” 

Oh.

Airi giggles as she catches herself.

She usually uses that nickname in spite (especially when she’s in the mood to tease)–but it came out naturally that time…

She just really reminds me of her, I guess.

“Sorry, Ena–slip of the tongue.” Airi smiled, though she was being genuine she knew there was no way Ena would believe her regardless.

“Tch…” She certainly did not believe her. “...just fuckin’ tell me what happened already.” 

“Ahh, fine–your wish is my command, your highness...”Airi gave a little pause to see if she could push her buttons a bit more–but her attempt was for naught; no reaction followed.

Guess she's serious this time…

She cleared her throat, channeling her inner storyteller…

“Once upon a time…” 

“Airi stop with that shit!” 

“Hehe…I’m doing what you asked, so go along with it will ya?!”

A long sigh followed after, and a wave of silence was gifted back to her. 

Ena swore this girl wasn't ‘feeling too hot’ a second ago. What's with the playful nature…?

Airi smiled, “As I was saying…a few weeks ago…”

“Shizuku and I had a fight.”

Recalling the memories, Airi’s mind depicted an image of herself and Shizuku in her room, snuggling against one of her beanbags.

“Started off with us just cuddling and whatnot, living it up.”

Her brain remembers the non-arguing part pretty fondly, Shizuku’s back resting on one of the armrests while her own was pressed against the back of the beanbag, sitting comfortably in Shizuku’s lap while they chatted.

She felt warm, loved–comforted.

Those feelings…that’s what she missed the most.

But that doesn't matter anymore.

“It was great right? Then Shizuku said the fuckin’ craziest thing ever!”

Ena let out a hum over the phone, interest piqued.

‘Airi-chan…’ A soft voice rang in Airi’s head, one that was regarded with resentment. ‘Do you think…’

She recalled how frail Shizuku’s speech was.

“She was super dramatic…breathing heavy and all…”

Ena instantly spoke up. “Don't insult Shizuku like that Airi, I know you still–”

Airi cleared her throat–not interested in the latter half of that remark.

“...anyway.”

Ena clicked her tongue, redirecting her focus to the retelling.

Shizuku’s voice echoed in her skull as she said her words out loud, “I know this hasn't been brought up as an issue before–but do you think this…”

“Us–I mean, do you think we’ll be able to continue…”

Airi’s mind filled with Shizuku’s strained voice–alike to the tone she’d develop on the verge of tears, 

“Do you think we can still be together with…without affecting our group?”

Airi stopped for a moment.

…

Huh?

“That's why you–?!”

Airi was quick to defend herself, “No, no! Ena, you don't understand–why would she doubt our relationship like that?!”

The sigh that follows breaks up a little over the phone, “Honestly, with my little knowledge on the industry you're in, that's a valid question.”

Is it really…?

“...Ugh, hold on!” Airi exclaimed, noticeably exasperated, “I’m not done.”

Ena hummed, but internally questioned why she stopped if that was the case…

“So then, I was like,” 

“Why would it?” Airi’s past voice had a tinge of irritation, “If we hide it well enough, none of our fans’ll catch on–right?”

She remembered Shizuku letting out a shallow breath, “Well, I don't think I could do this–I mean…that.”

Her brain played moments of herself repositioning herself farther from Shizuku. “Y-you can't do this?! What do you mean?” 

“No…Airi-chan, I meant to say I didn't want to hide you…”

She recalled rising to her feet then, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “You're doubting our relationship already, aren't you?! Why–is it because I’m a horrible idol? You certainly wouldn't want your diehard fans to know you're in a relationship with ME wouldn't you!?”

Then, images of Shizuku’s teary eyes filled her brain. It felt horrible to see–but yet, anger overtook her. “Airi-chan, why would I ever think so lowly of you?!”

After that, a phantom feeling manifested itself on Airi’s cheek. It felt warm, even though nothing was there.

“I would scream my feelings for you from a rooftop if you wanted me to.”

But it quickly faded as she slapped it away–just like she did in the past. “Only if I wanted you to, huh? So you can make sure I’m believing your LIES. Okay Shizuku. I understand.”

Shizuku’s eyes back then grew wide. Her arm was suspended low in the air from the impact.

No words came from her mouth.

“Nothing to say. So I’ve cracked your code–your secret more like, right? I’m glad I found out when I did. Consider us ‘broken up’ or whatever you want to call it. Even though I know you never loved me in the first place now.”

That was the last thing she remembered saying to Shizuku for weeks now.

With all those mental images of the fight coming back to her–that same fiery, but chilling adrenaline she had rushed through her veins. The same anger from that day resided in her body once again; she could feel her heartbeat quickening.

After a little silence drew out, Ena’s reaction was put into words. “Airi–you–CAN'T be serious.” 

She was truly in disbelief. She knew Airi could get mean–but to Shizuku? Even to the point she’d smack her hand…?! It's like she wasn't even talking to the same person…

Plus…she…

…

Ena wanted to say more, but words eluded her.

Airi spat back, reading her tone as offensive. “Why wouldn't I be? I thought you of all people would understand how I feel.”

Ena sputtered, trying to find some reasonable response to that.

“It's–it’s like I was never good enough for her!” Airi tries to steady her voice–wiping tears that were close to trickling down from her tear ducts, “Do you know how horrible recognizing that feels, Ena?”

Ena takes a breath, collecting her thoughts as she found her words relatable in a sense. “I do, Airi. Really.” Her voice was soft this time, “But, I truly think you were good enough for her, you just never saw it in yourself.”

…

I just…

…what?

“I never…saw it in myself? What is that supposed to mean…?” She gained a quieter tone as Ena’s word's looped in her mind. They struck her–for reasons she couldn't name.

Ena answered, “You seem like you were just waiting for some sign that Shizuku didn't really love you, and you just took that as an out immediately. Even if it wasn't true.”

Airi furrowed her eyebrows, now she REALLY wasn't making any sense. “What–an out?! No–I was leaving her before she could leave me!”

“How do you know she was gonna leave you though?” 

I–I just know it! She said she couldn't go on with the relationship…!

Airi thought up a response–but she noticed how irritating Ena’s voice was becoming to ears. She was just spouting bullshit at this point!

She wasn't right.

Nothing she was saying was right. Airi knows it.

“Because–!” She seriously didn't have the energy to explain again. “Jesus, did you even listen?!” 

“Yeah, of course I did! I'm just saying how I feel…”

Airi gritted the teeth behind her lips.

Yeah sure.

Shut up.

Airi couldn't bear to hear her anymore.

Her voice was bouncing off the walls of her skull–her grueling, lying voice. Just like Shizuku’s. Each time she heard her, the pain in her head would intensify.

…i can't…

A throbbing feeling burned behind her eyes, they began to water.

I cant…

The low hum of a fan in Ena’s background rang in her eardrums, even such a low sound made her body scream.

I CANT–

She won't.

“I–damn it–I can’t fuckingstand to hear you anymore, Ena. Your voice is making my head pound.”

“Hey—what–!” 

Three slow beeps followed as Airi ended the call.

Airi rolled back to the place she’d lay in her bed previously–removing the unrelenting grip on her phone with haste.

She closed her eyes and let any built up teardrops fall below her temples, writhing in pain from a throbbing sensation which resided in almost each part of her body now.

Can somebody–no. Thinking about it wont do anything. 

Nobody's miraculously coming to help me.

Of course nobody would.

And nobody did.

So Airi cried alone–cried out of the unceasing pain she felt, cried out of the pathetic situation she put herself in.

This was her fault after all–she decided to start a relationship–so she'd cope with the consequences that came with it.

Why would one be so idiotic?

The answer wasn't apparent to her.

If she could find that out, maybe she wouldn't put herself in situations that would ultimately end up in her getting hurt…

Again.

…

“Airi-chan?” 

She heard a few light taps at the door below her, the noise was so faint she couldn't even classify it as a knock.

“It’s Minori…your sister let me in.”

Minori? Really…?

Her eyes widened.

She wanted to tell her to go away–she didn't deserve help–but she couldn't bear to open her mouth in this state.

After Minori heard no response, she saw no other choice. 

“...I’m coming in!”

Airi let out a small hum of displeasure as the squeak of the door opening pierced her ear canals sharply.

“Airi-chan…? Oh!” Minori took a few glances around Airi’s room before she set her eyes on her, she appeared to be in a totally lifeless state; completely still under her covers.

“..minoree…” Airi croaked out, trying to turn her body towards her.

She looked down to the girl in question from her loft bed–trying to force out a smile.

She didn't know if she heard her or not, but Minori’s eyes lit up nonetheless, hands gripping the messenger bag at her shoulder. “Airi-chan! You’re okay…! You don’t know how worried I was about you…”

Worried…?

Well–it’s Minori so…

“I told…Ena-chan about…y’know, I hope that didn’t upset you…”

“...mm-m…” She wasn’t upset that she told her exactly–but the outcome certainly did. She didn't need to be made aware of that, though.

Silence wafted over them.

“Airi-chan…do you need anything? Are you in any pain?” Minori asked, analyzing Airi’s mostly covered face the best she could.

Airi nodded slowly, trying to open her mouth before Minori went on. “D-do you have any medication in here? Do you want me to buy you some soup?”

“...don’t leave.” Airi stressed, unmasking her face while she pointed to the small table next to her window, “‘some over there…”

Minori nodded knowingly, crouching down to pick up a pill bottle placed neatly on the same table Airi pointed to.

With her free hand, she opened the bag she’d brought along with her–revealing a filled water bottle. “I brought some water for you, if you’d like…”

Airi smiled, for real this time, reaching a hand out to grab the items she possessed.

Instead, Minori put her bag down, and began to climb up to Airi’s level from her bed.

MINORI WHAT ARE YOU DOING–?!

Her mind wanted her to protest, because seriously–what WAS she doing?! But the words never escaped her throat..

So she scooched closer to her wall, allocating space for Minori to sit comfortably next to her.

Minori set down the objects in her hands gently, placing a hand on Airi’s shoulder to signal her to sit up.

Obliging, she rose slightly–head inches away from her ceiling.

Airi glanced at the water bottle before picking it up, the cold condensation on the outside of it cooling her heated palm.

Minori held out her hand, which had two oblong shaped pills nestled in them. Airi gladly took them with a swig of water.

“There,” Minori spoke up, looking into Airi’s eyes in earnest, “Are you feeling a little better now?”

Airi didn’t meet her eyes, but she replied, “Yeah, thanks, Minori.” 

The burning sensation in her throat was soothed immediately, and her voice reflected that.

Minori smiled as Airi lied back down comfortably this time, letting her carefully wipe off the dried tears on her face and stroke her matted hair free of any knots.

If she was in any other state of mind–she certainly wouldn’t allow any of this; it would be too intimate, too needy. But what was she supposed to do–kick her out? Kick her out when she came all the way here just to check on her…?

…of course not.

This feeling…she could get used to it. 

Maybe in a parallel universe–Shizuku would be the one to pamper her like this.

Maybe.

On the other hand, Haruka too knew about the break up.

She knew mere minutes after it happened, in fact.

How?

“H–Haruka…chan! I—I don’t know what to do…!”

She was the first person Shizuku called right after it.

Before this, Haruka was simply writing some reply to an email at her desk–then her phone beside her buzzed with the caller ID of ‘Shizuku’ appearing on her screen.

She shrugged and answered the call, ready to engage in a little conversation while she carried out her work–a nice, calming conversation, as they typically would have on days they didn’t see each other.

That's what she was prepared for, right?

But when she heard a such a grave, pained tone coming from her phone–

“Shizuku, are you alright?”

She was immediately on guard.

She’s been so floaty since Airi and her began their relationship…so something must’ve happened between them.

This wasn’t a tone she’d develop when she had some technical issues–or when something important slipped her mind,

No–Haruka could instantly tell the difference.

“No!” Shizuku’s voice was clearer than ever, “Airi-chan…I…”

Okay, I was right.

“Where are you?”

A hint of confusion was in her voice, “Where am I…? I’m outside of Airi-chan’s house…”

“Okay, wait there.”

“...Huh?!” 

Haruka swiftly picked up her phone before she threw on a hoodie and walked to her front door.

“Going out for errands!” She called out to whomever it might concern.

She slipped into her running shoes and promptly ran out the door.

“Haruka-chan?” Shizuku’s voice rustled in the pocket of her sweatpants, “What’s all that noise…?”

“I’m going to Airi’s house.” She simply replied.

“...you’re coming HERE?!” Shizuku cried, and by the sound of her voice, Haruka concluded that she probably didn't want her to…

But what is she supposed to do instead? Let her weep over the phone? What kind of friend would she be letting that happen?!

Haruka nodded in response, fully knowing Shizuku wouldn’t see it–but she would see her soon.

.

.

.

“Haruka-chan?!” Shizuku stood before her, phone nestled in both of her hands, “I didn’t know you were being serious…!”

Haruka retrieved her phone and ended the call. “Well, I was.” She looked Shizuku in the eyes. “Your voice was beyond concerning–I couldn’t just sit there in my room.”

“Was it really…?” Shizuku asked before she shook her head, “Anyway–let’s get away from here.”

She started to walk off before Haruka could protest, “What, why? Something happened between you two?” 

Haruka caught up to Shizuku as she replied, “...yes. S-she…”

Her voice broke. “Airi-chan broke up with me, Haruka-chan!”

.

.

“She did what.”

Haruka frowned as she watched tears stream down Shizuku’s face. 

She hated this look on her.

She had to know what happened.

“...she misunderstood me! I asked her something that made her mad and…she just…”

Haruka’s eyebrows narrowed. “She left you just like that? What did you ask?”

“I just…” Shizuku stopped in her tracks, a good few steps away from Airi’s home now, “I just asked her if she thinks our relationship will work out with our group being a thing and all…”

Haruka’s eyes went big, a cold feeling seeping into her blood, “...she…”

I hope she didn’t end it because she thought it wouldn't…

Yet again–why would she start it in the first place if she thought that way…?

I advised her to do whatever she’d like regarding relationships as long as she kept up with the group…so….

“What did she say back…? What made her so mad?” 

Haruka needed answers. She couldn’t have Airi sacrificing her love life just like that.

Shizuku sighed, “Honestly…I’m not even sure. She started making up these lies about me that I guess she believed for some reason…”

Haruka tilted her head a little bit, wanting her to continue.

“Airi-ch–she…she thought I didn’t love her because I was ‘doubting our relationship’ just because I asked that question….”

“Oh…”

It’s not what I thought then.

That’s good–at the least…

“I can't just go back in there, Haruka-chan…she said she didn’t want to talk to me.” Shizuku wasn’t crying anymore–but her look of despair still pained Haruka’s heart dearly.

“Then…” Haruka pondered; she wasn’t educated on this aspect of–life–but she still attempted to muster up some response she believed would be appropriate, “You could wait for the both of you to calm down, disconnect yourself from the situation a little bit, then come back when you’re both in the right mindset.”

Haruka smiled when she saw Shizuku’s face soften, “Yeah…that’s what we would do when we argued in the past but…”

“She wasn’t my girlfriend those times.”

…

Right…

“You can still treat it the same, can you not?” That was a genuine question. Haruka wasn’t sure.

Shizuku was in the same boat, “I…suppose, yes. I’m not sure what else to do at the moment.”

Haruka fell silent before Shizuku pulled her into one of her signature bear hugs, stealing every last bit of oxygen in her lungs.

“I’m so glad you picked up, Haruka-chan!” Shizuku tightened her grip, “I probably would’ve tried to go back in there or something if you didn’t…eheh..”

Haruka tried to hug back with her limited energy, “...hahaha…..”

Shizuku let go when she felt the situation getting a little too awkward, to Haruka’s relief. “Well...uh…thank you again, I’ll head home now.”

Haruka perked up, “I can come with you if you’d like. I don’t want you to do anything outlandish while you’re all by yourself…”

Shizuku looked hurt, but Haruka knew she was being playful, “You really think I’d do something like that?!”

Yes.

“I feel way better now, okay? I won’t do whatever you're thinking…” Shizuku giggled, “But I’ll gladly accept your offer, Haruka-chan.”

They walked together, collectively in pretty high spirits.

In present time, Shizuku has been more or less of her usual self since then.

They mutually agreed to slow practices, in order to enjoy their relatively short summer break to the fullest–thankfully…

Yet, without seeing Airi for so long–a dormant sadness lied within herself. 

Whenever Haruka would ask about her feelings at the moment when they were together, she’d say the same “I’m okay, Haruka-chan, you don’t have to worry.”, yet she would still worry. She’d even ask her multiple times throughout the day.

She wasn't sure how to reverse this dwelling on her emotional health, but she supposed it was warranted. She wasn't completely lying though…

With this, Shizuku was also a little curious about the whereabouts of Minori; as she hasn’t heard from her ever since this situation. 

Though Haruka soothed her worries as she told her she had informed her about them, and was helping Airi out with her woes.

Wait.

Her woes?

Airi-chan was sad too…?

Last time she saw her, she was angry. She was angry because of her doing–so without that burden…

“No, Shizuku–why would she be happy?” Haruka sighed, averting her gaze from Shizuku’s perplexed expression.

They were hanging out often this week, and today was no different–as they planned to walk around Main Street and try out some new pastries.

“Because I was a bad girlfriend…?” Shizuku pouted, her voice frail.

“What–no, Shizuku–” Haruka turned back to look at her, in order to make sure her words stick. “She loves you. Don’t you understand that?”

…

‘Loves’…

“You mean ‘loved’?” 

Haruka considers her words. “...I’m sure not, Shizuku.”

She couldn’t read Airi’s mind–but from the information she’s received and prior knowledge, that answer made the most sense to her.

After all…Haruka knows just how long she’s wanted to be with Shizuku after all.

Shizuku nodded after that, quickly changing the subject as she directed her eyes to another sweet's shop.

…I really wish I knew how to help her better.

The only thing she truly thought she could do is keep Shizuku company in these times.

Which, she supposes is doing good, if anything–but it’s not enough. Something is still off about her.

Maybe Minori can help me out…?

When Haruka asked for help the next time she saw Minori–she wasn’t met with the most perfect answer…

“H-Haruka-chan…” Minori looked down, bangs covering her face, it appeared to be a strange bow from Haruka’s perspective.“I didn’t even know what to do at first…I thought Airi would be mad if I knew about their breakup and confronted her so…”

Haruka tilted her head, “So what did you do instead?”

Minori met her eyes again, “I told Ena-chan! I might’ve been a little late but I think she called her about it…” 

She told…Ena-san…

Well, I guess if she did what she thought was right–it’s fine.

“A-and I came into Airi-chan’s house a little after that…she looked like she was in pain so I–”

She paused.

Haruka watched as Minori’s entire face tinted red, presumably at whatever she did…

“You…?” Her interest was piqued.

“I-I um…I just…helped her not be in pain…?”

Minori sputtered, confusing Haruka even more, “I gave her some medication! …that's all I did…”

…

“That's…good?” Haruka laughed a little bit, out of pure stupefaction, “Though I don’t know why you were phrasing it like that…”

Minori just gave her a crooked smile, no words at all. Haruka opted to put a lid on that topic.

“Well,” Haruka starts, “It’s been a considerable amount of time, do you think they’re ready to talk to each other again, Minori?”

Minori shifted in place, “I’m not sure if they believe a month is a considerable amount of time, but we could try to get them to see each other again, yeah!” She wore a confident smile.

Haruka nodded, finding herself gaining a similar expression.

Though, she still had one more question in her mind:

“Minori, do you think Airi wants to even talk to Shizuku again? Let alone get back with her?” Haruked posed.

Minori hummed in thought, turning her gaze away from Haruka while placing two fingers on her chin.

“Like–from your perspective, or what she’s said to you.”

The question hung in the air for a few moments before a thought came to Minori.

“Oh!” She chirped, Haruka pictured a light bulb popping above her head, “I do remember asking her if she would go back to Shizuku-chan while chatting one day…” 

Haruka became intrigued as Minori pulled out her phone.

“She said…”

Airi-chan!!!

Monday, July 16th

14:39 PM

Minori only read out Airi’s messages, and every word Haruka heard made her more and more happy.

“So…yeah, I think she would!” Minori concluded with a smile.

“Wait, that's amazing!” Haruka’s eyes sparkled as she looked to Minori, glad there was a chance this ordeal could come to an end, “I know Shizuku wants to speak to her, so all we have to do now is find some way for them to meet willingly…!”

Minori and Haruka stared at each other.

“Some way…”

With their collective cognitive skills, they settled on a plan to get Shizuku and Airi in the same room again that day.

It was simple; Haruka invited Shizuku out to a nice tea shop, while Minori and Airi–on their own outing–happen to walk by it and go inside a few minutes later.

The only setup needed, they mused, was to ask them first, of course, then make sure their timing is synced up throughout the mission.

Fool. Proof. Haruka and Minori are the most prompt idols of MORE MORE JUMP! after all…

Haruka roused a little after sunrise, energized and ready to carry out her side of the plan.

She wasted no time–rising to her feet and unplugging her phone from its charger, opening her messaging app soon after.

As her index finger landed on the words ‘Shizuku’, she began to type…

Shizuku 

Sunday, July 22nd

07:21 AM

08:02 AM

Okay, simple enough.

In the spare time she was given, she opted to let herself be a little idle and relax–despite her inclination not to.

This did not speed up the time like she thought it would, but the clock kept moving regardless.

Soon, it struck noon.

Haruka nodded as she clicked her phone off, pretty elated at the fact she can finally move around and do something.

Soon later, she was bidding another farewell to her household and setting off on a brisk walk towards Scramble Crossing. 

It was usually pretty busy around these hours, but she trusted that Shizuku wouldn’t get completely lost in the crowd with the increasing growth of her sense of direction. (Which she continues to be proud of!)

So when she got to Scramble Crossing, took a few glances at all the big buildings and various screens of Miku and her friends, advertisements–the like–while seeing zero signs of Shizuku…

She wasn’t nervous.

She didn’t need to text her…

Surely…!

But just to make sure…

Haruka retrieved her phone from one of her pants pockets and–

“Haruka-chan!” An airy voice called out to her, eliciting a smile as she registered who it belonged to…

She put her phone back in her pocket, turning her head up to see a beaming grin from Shizuku. “Oh hey. You almost had me worried there…”

“You still think I’d get lost coming here?! I know this place like the back of my hand!” She gave a little confident smirk, one that was a little silly at that.

Haruka giggled, “I never said anything about you being lost now, I trust you very dearly, Shizuku–honest.”

Shizuku nodded, her smirk dissolving into a timid smile, “Hehe, okay…”

Haruka turned away from Shizuku, trying to find a way to navigate through the swarm of civilians in their path.

“Honestly,” She surveyed her surroundings, “I don’t even know where we’re going.”

“You wanted to go out for tea, right?”

Haruka nodded.

“Then we can go to that place we went to the other day.” 

‘That’ place…

Haruka squinted in silence for a moment.

Oh right.

There was this tea shop they’d gone to–not just the other day but every day they’d hung out this past month, though it had such a long, complicated name they agreed to just call it ‘that’ place.

In the right context, of course.

“Well, sure, once I find a way to get all the way there…”

Shizuku suddenly gained a wide grin, taking Haruka by the hand and scoping out the crowd overhead.

“Don't worry, Haruka-chan!” The girl in question couldn’t see her face, as she was now on her tippy-toes, but her smile was evident in her voice, “I’ll use my navigation skills to help us!”

Haruka took a glance at their intertwined fingers, but quickly shrugged it off as she put all her faith into a known airhead.

Without a warning, Shizuku started to move–Haruka following closely behind her.

“WAAA–”

An annoying, ear-splitting, forever looping tune screeched out of Minori’s phone, stripping her from the blissful lands of her subconscious without her consent. She did set the alarm out of her own accord, however.

To save her ears from sudden death, she turns off her alarm–staring at the bleary image of the numbers 12:27 at the top corner of her phone.

Her brain half registered what she was seeing before she rubbed her eyes and took a second look.

Still 12:27.

12:27…

12:27???????????????????????????????

…

Minori, in fact, was not one of the most prompt idols of MORE MORE JUMP!.

She was totally thrown off her game–what was she supposed to do now, call off the plan? How would they even pivot from this?!

Minori took in a breath, giving herself a chance to wake up fully and collect her thoughts.

If it’s only 27 after…then Haruka-chan and Shizuku-chan must be just getting there…

You have time, Minorin! You can do it!

She contemplated asking Haruka what to do, but she was not going to communicate her mistake to Haruka when she was still in a timeframe to redeem herself! No help was needed! She has this all under control!

After her perfectly dry phone slipped out of her hands a multitude of times, she immediately got to work.

Sunday, July 22nd

12:27 PM

12:32 PM

In the few minutes between their first burst of messages–Minori had sprang out of her bedroom and transformed herself into a…

She stared back in the reflection of her bathroom mirror,

Her bed hair was not tamed, and sleep still weighed heavy in her eyes.

…eheh…

…pretty presentable person!

Though she couldn't dwell on her appearance, not when a relationship is on the line!

And embarrassing herself in front of Haruka.

Looking back at her messages, Minori noted she was supposed to go to ‘A tea shop on the first floor of the Shopping Mall with a blue logo’.

She was a little confused on why Haruka just couldn't say the name, but she assumed everything was supposed to be top secret; so no mind was paid.

She relayed this information to Airi, and then..

It was go time.

Haruka felt a multitude of emotions at this point.

First, she was calm. Sitting down at a comfy booth with Shizuku, talking about ideas and whatever was on their minds.

Second, she was utterly confused.

Where is Minori?! 

She hasn't contacted me at all…

“Haruka-chan…” Shizuku stopped her ramble that was lost on Haruka's ears as she fell into her mind, “Why do you look so deep in thought? I know I was talking about penguins but…”

“Oh, you were?! I have no idea how I zoned out then…!” 

…she felt way more than just calm and confused before, but at the mention of the cutest animal on planet Earth all of that dissipated in mere seconds.

“Haruka-chan…” Shizuku spoke in between a small silent moment, “The face you had when I brought up penguins was so cute…”

Haruka's eyes went big for a second, before she spoke up, “Well…they make me a little emotional so…”

Shizuku nodded, a smile staying idle on her face, “I’m really glad you’ve kept me company these past weeks…I’m truly grateful for you.”

The girl across from her put a teacup to her lips before replying, “No problem, Shizuku. I’ve enjoyed being with you so regularly as well.”

“How are you doing regarding Airi, anyway?”

She watched Shizuku’s expression dim, her own face souring in response similarly.

“...I still want to talk to her, but I really want to give her enough time to…not…hate me anymore?”

Hate..?

Haruka frowned.

“I still feel really bad. Whenever you asked me how I felt before I wasn't truthful because I didn't want you to worry but…that's how I actually feel.”

Shizuku paused before saying, “...I’m sorry.”

“No, no! Don't apologize, Shizuku–I completely understa–”

Before Haruka could get out her plea, Shizuku rose to her feet, stepping out of their booth. 

“I…uh.” Her eyes were laced with tears, “I’m gonna step outside for a second, Haruka-chan.”

Haruka began to get up from her seat to match,

“Don't follow me…please…”

…

She nodded, settling back down.

She didn't want to overstep any boundaries placed, so she sat there, fiddling with the teabag laying on the side of her mug to keep her mind on something.

Haruka let out a breath.

Why did I bring her up so randomly…? We were having a good time…

She felt like there was nothing she could do but wait.

…

Minori…

I know she’ll come through.

“Oh, Airi-chan!” Minori smiled, finding a head of pink hair in front of her, walking towards the entrance of the mall.

She whipped her head back, a toothy grin forming on her face. “Minori! Hey, I meant to ask–why did you wanna come here so randomly?” 

Minori’s smile faded. 

“Not that I’m complaining!!” Airi waved her hands, a crooked smile forming on her face.

With that, Minori regained a happy expression, replying,“I…just thought it’d be nice to hang out with you!!” 

That was a…

Half truth.

Of course she’d want to be around one of her dearest friends! Though she did have an ulterior motive…which made her feel a little guilty…

The fact that Airi was none the wiser weighed on her rather heavily, so she tried her hardest not to show it on her face.

“Mmm, alright.” Airi shrugged, turning back to the entrance. “Then let's not waste any time!”

Minori was grateful her response wasn't looked into any further, and went in the mall to search for her destination.

As she surveyed the various logos of the shops overhead, she beamed as she found one that appeared to match Haruka's words.

“Airi-chan!” Minori chirped, head turning back downward, “We’re–!”

…

“...heeeree?”

She froze as she saw someone strangely familiar to her.

Long, pale blue hair…tall figure…

That's…

SHIZUKU-CHAAAAAAN?!?!?!

Oh no.

Oh nononono this was NOT HOW THE PLAN WAS SUPPOSED TO GO!

Minori shot her head to the side, still frozen in place, and Airi was just standing there! STARING RIGHT AT HER.

WHATDOIDOOHNOOHNO

…

There was only one option possible.

She ran.

The mission was to get them near each other again, right? They were standing a good few steps between each other now–so her work there was done.

The rest is up to them now…!

Hopefully Haruka-chan isn’t mad at me…

She slowed her pacing once she felt she resided a safe distance away, deciding to pass the time and take her mind off whatever was happening back there by doing some shopping.

And just a couple paces away…

Airi winced as she witnessed a strange smile forming on Shizuku’s face.

It was a little nice, seeing her again for the first time in what felt like months–but still, this ‘reunion’ wasn’t anything short of unwanted.

She realized Minori ran away a minute ago, which made her question the real reason why she wanted her to come here so bad–but that would have to wait.

Because Shizuku was walking up to her.

In return, her legs started moving on their own—though the act of running away from her problems didn’t sound like something she would do anymore, she stood incorrect.

You can never truly know what measures you would take in the moment…I guess.

As Airi’s footsteps picked up speed, she heard a voice behind her.

“Airi-chan…!”

…

That soft tone…

To her dismay, as soon as Shizuku’s voice left her ears—so did her desire to run.

I’ve been wanting to hear her for a while…haven’t I?

…what am I saying!?

Airi didn’t meet the gaze she felt behind her, focusing her eyes on the beige tiled flooring below her..

Her lips parted–like she was going to say something–but nothing came out.

Shizuku filled the silence instead, “...I’m so sorry.”

…

Like hell you are!

“I really am…so please, Airi-chan, look at me.” Shizuku seemed to read her mind, maintaining a faint, cautious tone.

And how could Airi disobey such a voice?

She sighed before begrudgingly complying, cursing herself internally for being swayed so easily.

…I’m still in love with her, after all…

Jeez–I really have no backbone.

Airi frowned at the voice in her head, finding herself entranced by the sky blue, almost crystal-like pigmentation Shizuku’s eyes took on.

Shizuku grew a more natural smile, staring directly into the ruby eyes that stared back at her.

“I…” She tried to form a sentence to the best of her ability, “I know you probably don’t want to talk to me. I wouldn’t want to either if I was in your shoes…”

Airi narrowed her eyes.

“But I really want you to know something…okay?”

Shizuku paused with a look on her face that told Airi she needed to respond.

So she did, though she really didn’t find any point in speaking…

“...okay.” Airi whispered.

Shizuku seemed to relax from her tense state as she heard Airi’s voice–something Airi herself didn’t understand, but it was a nice sight regardless.

“I didn’t lie about anything I said that day.”

Airi almost scoffed, she’s not THAT dumb to believe something like that so easily after all, but she kept her composure and let Shizuku speak.

“It broke my heart knowing you thought I’d ever think of you as a horrible idol…or anything negative at all.” Shizuku continued with a more saddened

tone, “Because there was never a time in our friendship…or relationship…where I ever thought of you as anything other than the love of my life.”

…!

She’s such a sweet talker, isn’t she?

Airi knew she was being deceived yet again, but that fact didn’t stop her words from soothing the aching pains beneath her ribcage just a little bit..

“I’m truly sorry I didn’t make that apparent that day, Airi-chan–words really just didn’t come to me then…”

That irritation…

It came again.

All these ‘sorry’’s, all these soft callings of her name…

…why is she saying these things?!

…Why, why do all this just to put me in a false sense of security?!

“I–” Airi rapidly blinked the tears forming in her eyes away, “I know you’re lying, Shizuku.”

The way Shizuku’s face mirrored the melancholic one she had that same day…

It didn’t affect her.

Shizuku gritted her teeth before saying, “No, no! I’m not–I swear I’m not!” She pleaded, “I never ever wanted to hurt you Airi-chan! Why don’t you understand…!”

Airi grabbed her wrist with a vice grip, “Because–I don’t even know what you like about me! What even is there to like?! Tell me Shizuku!”

Airi watched as Shizuku looked at her wrist, then looked straight back at her. “I–I like everything about you…”

“Generic fucking answer! Say something you mean!” Something compelled Airi to loosen her grip just a bit after hearing that.

“I do mean that…but because you asked…” A small smile formed on her lips, “I like how you sing.”

Airi leaned closer to her.

She continued, “I like the face you make when you see a stray cat, I like how you push us all to do our best during our practices…I like–”

Shizuku’s voice stopped as she felt the warmth from her wrist completely disappear.

No words left from either of their lips for a moment.

“...why?”

Shizuku didn’t have to think of a response, “Seeing you happy makes me happy, Airi-chan.” 

She gained a fond smile after that breath, a soft smile.

Airi examined her face before she took a glance down to her wrist, the same one she let go of.

The pressure had marked it with a faint red tint, outlining the curvature of her fingers.

Why did I do that…

Why would she still look at me like that when I hurt her every time I get mad…?

Airi wanted to smile back, she wanted Shizuku to be happy, but she couldn’t even bring herself to pretend she wasn’t feeling anything but shame. 

So she kept a blank face, finally saying, “I don’t understand you…Shizuku.”

“Huh…?”

“I don’t understand why you’d let me hurt you and then smile afterward.” 

“I remember you saying you liked my smile, Airi-chan. So I want to smile at you whenever I can…” 

Airi choked on her words, what the hell does she mean?! “N—not when I—?!”

“It wasn’t that bad, I promise.” Shizuku hoped her words would calm Airi’s worries, “You’re just trying to cope with your feelings, right? I don’t mind.”

What?

WHAT?!

She shouldn’t have to put up with that—what the—why does—did I do this?! What makes her think that's okay?!

“Airi-chan…you look so mad…” 

“OF COURSE I'M MAD!” She backed away from Shizuku, making sure she wouldn’t think anything would happen. “Why would you say something like that?! You can’t just let yourself deal with my erratic ass feelings just because—!”

“Because I love you…?” Shizuku offered, the smile on her face dissipating.

…

“Yeah.”

She watched as Shizuku nodded, finding nothing else fit to do afterward but bowing from her waist.

“Shizuku, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now—but I don't think I’m in a place to be with you right now.” She confessed, eyes glued to Shizuku’s footwear, a lump forming in her throat.

“Airi-chan, it’s not your fault—!”

“Yes it is. It always was.” Airi met her eyes again, swallowing when she found tears trickling down Shizuku’s cheeks…

“I—I need to leave, I didn’t mean to make you cry…I’m…” Airi turned away, forcing her legs to move. “I’m sorry! I’m so, SO sorry!”

She heard a voice behind her, but it faded quickly as she walked out the same doors she entered from.

Shizuku reached out this time.

She called, she texted, she left voicemail, after voicemail…

But nothing worked.

After all—did Airi truly deserve to talk to her? 

She was horrible.

A horrible girlfriend, a horrible friend, a horrible person.

Someone who lets anger consume them, someone who has such little control over their emotions that they’d physically hurt a person who’s done nothing but improve their livelihood.

A person like that has no right to be around anyone. 

All they do…

Is hurt.

That’s all I’ve ever done.

She wasn’t sad about this fact, she wasn’t angry, she didn’t even feel shame anymore.

It was a fact—and she couldn’t change that—so all she felt was apathy.

It was better than the pain she seethed in before.

Her state of mind wasn’t too terrible at this point– as she wasn’t rotting in her bed anymore, she instead rested in her small bean bag chair, which she’s sat on for such a long time she couldn’t recall the last time she was on her feet.

There wasn’t a point in getting up for anything.

Nothing really mattered.

She hung in silence before hearing a couple knocks at her room door.

“Come in.” She called out to whoever stood behind it.

She was a little relieved it was just her older sister at the other side as it opened, “Riri, one of your friends is at the door.” 

Airi furrowed her eyebrows, she didn’t hear a knock…? “Uh, okay…who is it?” She didn’t meet her eyes, fixing them on her fingers–peeling the skin.

DontsayShizukudontsayShizukudontsay—

“It’s just Kiritani,” Airi sighed in response, relief washing over her. “Want me to let her in?”

She finally brought herself to her feet, shaking her head. “No, no. I’ll go. Thanks, Sis.”

She found herself descending down her household’s staircase, struggling to keep her balance as she went.

When she got to her front door, it was cracked open just a smidge, a vibrant blue strand of hair peeking through it.

“Yo, Haruka.” Airi greeted with a small smile as she clicked the doorknob below her. 

“Hi.” 

Airi wrinkled her nose.

…why does she look like that?!

“Something up?” Sherubbed the back of her neck, “You alright…?”

Haruka nodded hastily, Airi figured she wasn’t interested in speaking about herself due to her prompt change of subject,“Yesterday–what happened?”

Haruka’s face only grew more suspicious as she heard Airi sigh as she leaned on the doorframe. “I talked to Shizuku–that's all.”

That answer didn’t satisfy her.“Are you sure?”

The stress she put on that word raised her blood pressure. “...Why do you need to know? You haven't spoken to me since this whole thing happened, why come now?”

“Because–”

Airi stood up. “Because Shizuku got sad again, right? Now you want to come question me about it?”

“Airi, must you always jump to conclusions?” Haruka stared back at her with half lidded eyes, “But yes, you're right…”

She chuckled. Of course she was. “At least you're honest…”

She continued, “You’re not getting any answers out of me, Haruka. Mind your business or ask her yourself.” Airi declared, however–she felt as though she could tell her a little something…

“...I’m not gonna go back to her. Not because I don’t love her–I’m just not the right person.”

“How s–?” Haruka seemed rather intrigued by this statement–which proved a shame since Airi wasn’t in an open mood…

“That’s all I’m telling you.” Airi took a step back into the air of her home, hand grasping the doorknob once again, “I’m gonna go now.”

Haruka simply stood as she felt the swift air of the door closing hit her legs, not bothering to try and press her luck any further.

Actually–she's right. 

I am prying into her love life too much, right?

…I just want her to be alright–but I guess I can’t interfere as much as I want to.

That's okay.

Sometimes talking makes things worse.

That day was the last day the ‘Shizuku’ situation was brought up entirely.

The group has had some mini practices since then–to keep their skill in check together–and as Airi expected, it was quite awkward;

Awkward as in Minori and Haruka were the ones doing most of the talking, while the latter two would only converse if they were being asked a question. And certainly not between each other.

As a result of this, Minori was rather timid with her movement… 

She was probably on edge, Airi thought, but she really couldn't just magically fix everything right there–despite how much she wanted to.

And frankly, she wasn't even sure where to begin.

.

.

Airi left practice early, coming up with some lame reason she didn't even care to remember what was–but it worked anyway.

She decided to take a walk to fill the time; something Haruka would consistently say helps ‘clear her mind’...which she felt could aid her in this matter. .

She enjoyed the soft breeze that would pass by her every time her figure was masked by a quiet shade that laid just below the green leaves of a tree.

The sun, thankfully, wasn't extruding its full radiance just yet, so she could comfortably bask in the calming warmth it provided to her.

Airi let out a sigh of bliss.

This really isn't so bad–

“Airi?”

…Who was that?

Who’s using my first name so casually…?

Instinctively, her head whipped around–though her mind knew full and well the sound was coming from in front of her.

“It's Ena!” The noise got louder. “Jeez–can you not see me?!”

“Oh–eheh…” Airi blinked squinting as she sawa head of brown hair put in low pigtails. “What’s up…”

“What's up?!” She put on a playfully annoyed look. “So you’re not still tired of hearing my voice?”

Airi's eyes widened.

Oh shit.

Instantly, her body filled with remorse.“Ena–I’m sorry.” She clasped her hands together. “I really wasn’t feeling well at that time–but that still doesn't excuse what I did…”

Ena smirked, leaning closer to her.

“...What more do you want?!” Airi questioned with a tone tipped with a little whine, leaning backward in response to the personal invasion.

Ena straightened her back, putting her palms together similarly to Airi’s prior,“I want a ‘It’ll never happen again, Ena-san!’”

Airi sputtered, “W–what do you mean Ena-san?! We’ve been friends for years!”

“It's an act of politeness, Airi.” She lectured, an ever growing sly smile stretched across her face. “I’m suure you'd understand.”

“Geh…” Airi groaned.

Her cheekiness really got on her nerves at times, but even so–it was something she liked about her.

Would she voice this? Hell no. “I don't–I’m not saying that.”

Ena pouted just for a second, but suprisingly–she didn't nudge her into eventually complying.

Airi got even more confused when her whole face gained a concentrated scrunch before she asked a dreadful question…

“How’s you and Shizuku going now? Still rocky?”

…

CAN PEOPLE STOP ASKING ME ABOUT THIS GIRL!

Airi’s eyelids hung heavy over her eyes.

Of course Ena would be the one to break the streak.

I guess I made it a big deal when we got together…so maybe that's on me.

So, since there was no reason not to at this point, she begrudgingly replied., “Still rocky, if you could call it that.”

Ena cocked an eyebrow before she smiled. “You busy?”

Airi shook her head. 

“Then come walk and talk with me.”

With that, Ena started walking, not giving any time to accept, of course, but Airi wasn't exactly opposed to her offer…

.

.

Her gaze stuck glued to each foot that stepped forward on the pavement, her pace synced with Ena’s.

“I’ll keep this short because I actually want your opinion–”

“Actually?!” Ena blurted, turning her head over to Airi’s in quick succession.

“I didn't mean it like that!” She rebutted, “Hmph…anyway, I think Minori fucking tricked me into seeing Shizuku down at Main.”

Ena let out a ‘oooh’ under her breath.

“That's just suspicion though–but me and her talked…and my dumbass got really mad again and gripped her wrist for some reason.”

Airi didn't look to her side to gauge Ena’s reaction to that, as it would just add salt to the wound–but she knew by her silence she was surely dissapoint–

“Hm…you kinda remind me of myself a little.”

…What?

The two stopped at a crosswalk as they watched the cars pass drift by them..

“I mean, whenever I’m frustrated I get violent too, y’know?” Ena admitted, fidgeting with a rubberband on her wrist.

Airi furrowed her eyebrows, “You…?”

Ena nodded, “I do–really. So I get you, Airi.”

…

She said something like that before, right?

A few words read themselves out in her brain at that thought.

“Do you know how horrible recognizing that feels, Ena?”

“I do, Airi. Really.”

Airi blinked, then realizing it was their turn to walk.

She started to pick her feet up at that, ruminating a little more..

If she has that same flaw–then maybe she can help me make sense of this…

“So–uh…” Airi noticed how quiet it was, opting to fill the space with voicing her thoughts. “Since I do that…often…should I still try to be with Shizuku?”

Ena twirled a loose strand of hair that poked out of her ponytail, replying, “I mean, if you notice it's bad and you work on yourself first–I’d say go for it.”

Work on it…well of course…

But–beforehand?

“Then…” Airi looked at the light poles that spread across the sidewalk, “Then I should give myself time before I try to be with her…?”

She could hear the smile in Ena's voice, “Yeah–sounds right.”

“You misunderstood her and blew up in her face, Airi. I don't think you're in the right mindset at all to date yet.”

“Misunderstood?” Airi asked nonchalantly, like she was simply just trying to correct Ena.

But she stood her ground, “Yes, misunderstood. You told me the whole argument thing a while ago, ‘member?”

…?

She tried to replay the events in her head, but it all came back the same.

“Well, I don't think I could do this.”

That's what Shizuku said all those days ago; the one thing she tried to cover up so hard.

Even if she was lying this whole time–that doesn't make it virtuous to subject her to any physical pain.

Even if her fabricated words hurt Airi even worse.

“...What did I misunderstand?” 

Ena sighed, “You really, truly think Shizuku was trying to lie to you that whole time…?” 

Airi stayed silent.

“I really meant to tell you this back then but I was shook–y’know? But you really weren't listening to Shizuku during that fight.”

Her breath hitched.

“Like, you just made up your own story! She literally said she didn't want to hide you and you ignored it–I reacted that way when you finished talking because I was genuinelysoconfused!”

Ena stopped talking there as they reached another crosswalk flooded with various cars commuting to wherever they pleased.

Airi bit the skin of her lips, staring at the screen of a still red figure signaling them to stop.

A cold feeling seeped its way under her bones.

Airi knew she was deeply flawed–she knows she has a multitude of things to work on, idol related or not.

Coming to terms with that isn't the easiest thing, she admits–but she applauds herself for every step she takes.

But this…

This was a step back.

How could she overlook something like that? Especially when she's now a month detached from the initial problem!

Her mindset hasn't changed, those same thoughts of herself had slipped into her perception of the people around her,,

The people she loves.

…

It really was all my fault.

I twisted the narrative and hurt Shizuku–I hurt Shizuku twice.

No…I hurt her even more times.

She realized then that she deflected everything that disproved her pessimism–even her own best friend's words.

I wanted it to be true. 

Do I want people to hate me?

Or is it just because they always have?

She wasn't good enough for the big stages after all, for the bright lights and cheering crowds.

She wasn't meant to see an ocean of bright pink–she wasn't meant to hear beaming chants of her name as she sang her heart out, just like she always wanted to.

But…

I can now.

I can be loved.

Right?

She’d ask Ena if it felt appropriate, but that's not a question for her to answer.

She can't determine her worth.

But she did want to ask something–just to validate whether her thoughts stood correct,

“For real?”

Ena’s eyebrows rose as she finally heard her voice.

“Yes Airi–forreal. I wouldn’t just tell you a fib like that.”

The pedestrian lights flashed on, and Ena began to step onto the road.

Airi followed, falling behind a little bit before realizing where they were.

Walking alongside her now, Ena came to a similar notice. “Hey, aren't we down the street from Shizuku’s?”

They weren't particularly paying attention to where they were going from the start–so maybe it was some kind of fate; which is something Airi doesn't believe in, but that doesn't mean it's non-existent.

Ena was a little put off by the silence. “You–you wanna turn around? Or…”

Airi kept her pace. “Nah, let's go.”

She heard a small “mmkay…” at her side, along with a shrug in her peripheral vision.

Airi traced the shape of the small stones that made up the sidewalk with her eyes silently. 

She paid attention to her breathing as her heartbeat quickened with every step she took.

Every step closer to her, to Shizuku.

Ena picked up on this pretty quickly, about to voice her worries before Airi’s came first.

“Ena, you think she’d let me in?” She asked, still looking straight ahead.

“What? Oh, um…” She tried to read Airi’s expression–nothing came. Maybe, discomfort? “Yeeaah? If you're just going to talk to her, or apologize–whatever–I don't see why she wouldn't.”

Airi nods, and they eventually stop right at her front door.

Well, not collectively, Ena almost went to the next block before she noticed Airi wasn't next to her.

Though, she probably should be going now anyway. “Airi, you gonna try and talk to her?”

Airi looked over to her, a few steps separating them. “Try, yeah.”

“...Thanks for talking with me, Ena.”

She was taken aback by the sudden affection, but accepted it with open arms. 

“Of course! Anytime– go take your chance!”

Airi smiled before she turned back to the white door in front of her.

After Ena sneakily walked past Airi to go back the way they came (She noticed anyway), it was just her and her mind.

Though she blocked out the internal calls to turn back, since she was already there.

What could go wrong now, right?

So she brought her eyes to the doorbell….

Crack.

“I’m going now, Sis–” 

She shot her head up–and a girl with silver hair stared back at her.

Oh.

“...Shiho-chan!” Airi greeted, forcing out a smile.

“Momoi-san…” Shiho squinted her eyes, as if she couldn't tell who was in front of her. “Hey…?” She smiled.

“Hi!”

…

“Um, if you're here to see Shizuku, you can come in.” She stated, hand still firm on the doorknob.

Does she not know…? 

She still has that really nice tone she’s had ever since I told her Shizuku and I were dating…

…huh.

“I–uhh–okay! Sorry to keep you held up!” Airi moved aside, waving Shiho off as she stepped into the outside air.

Did she expect me to just walk in…?

I mean, I guess I could if it wasn't like this.

Shizuku wasn't anywhere in her vision, so it only felt right to announce her arrival…

“Hey–uh…” She paused to raise her voice, “Shizuku! Can you come down…please…?”

For a moment, all she could hear was the cars outside–and her steady heartbeat.

…just before her name was called.

“Airi-chan…?” The fruit of her desire looked down to her, not a hint of malice in her expression nor her voice.

She desperately tried to ignore the heat spreading through her cheeks. 

…does she always have to say my name with such earnestness?! Is she trying to make me fall in love with her again…?

 She cleared her throat before saying…“...hi, Shizuku, I wanted to talk if you aren't busy…?” 

Shizuku simply smiled with a nod–she's still smiling at her, even now–and stepped aside to let her in.

Kicking off her shoes, a sweltering heat suddenly swelled under her skin.

She took a glance around her surroundings, feeling completely alien to this view.

…seriously, why would she let her in anyway?

Why am I even here…

“What did you want to talk about…?” 

They stopped in front of what Airi presumed to be Shizuku’s room, though they were separated by a closed door.

Maybe that's for the best.

…Airi wasn’t sure why she was there. Half of her believed she just wanted to see Shizuku's face again, “I—wanted to say…uh…”

Shizuku’s attentive stare was shredding any thought in her brain to bits—but a particular voice stood overtop,

“…But you really weren't listening to Shizuku during that fight.”

That fight.

…right.

Out of all the things she’s apologized for, it was never that.

Because I was too ignorant to think I was in the wrong…

“I never really…” Airi blinked while trying her best to keep eye contact; to express her sincerity, “…formally apologized for that fight, did I?”

Shizuku wore an indifferent expression, hands folded at her waist. “You don’t have to, Airi-chan.” 

“No—Shizuku—yes the fuck I do. You don’t understand! I—”

Airi saw Shizuku’s hand slowly raise before it landed gently on her shoulder.

“That was so long ago anyway, right? We can move on now.”

…

“No.” Airi rested her palm on the back of Shizuku’s hand before pulling it away softly. “Not until I acknowledge it.”

Shizuku rested her hand at her side—the confused look on her face irritated Airi just a little.

Her mistake had to be evident, Shizuku herself knew what she said, so why the look…?

“Shizuku…”

Airi let out a breath, one which acted more as a buffer than a way to relieve her stress; which was at an all time high now–but she doesn't pride herself on being able to work under harsh conditions for nothing.

“I love you, okay? Genuinely–above all else, you–geh–have a special place in my heart…”

She looked away after that, as her reaction was bound to throw her off track. “But I haven't treated you right. Not in our relationship, and sometimes not even in our friendship…”

“No, what?!” Shizuku’s voice came out with urgency, “You’ve treated–”

Airi inhaled, fixing her gaze towards the eyes that mirrored her small stature. “Can you…please…let me talk first? I’ll listen to you afterwards but please, Shizuku.”

She smiled as she saw Shizuku nod.

“But yeah…uh, I need to let you know that during that fight none of what I did was okay.” 

Shizuku's lips remained sealed, but her face gave off the impression of temptation.

“The…the yelling–the hitting, me literally not even listening to you…that's not…”

“I shouldn't have…”

Airi stammered, trying to ignore the lump in her throat, “...d–one that. Yeah–I’m...”

She found herself stepping back to take a low bow at her waist, hating the fact she felt her eyes start to form tears, “I’m so sorry I’m–” She sniffled, “I’m so, so, so, so sorry. I can't change anything now but I just want you to know…I…”

She leveled herself, the smile that stared back at her soon after painting her extremely nonplussed.

Airi still had to force her voice out though, there was more to be said.

“I want to be with you.”

…

After that breath–she couldn't get anything else out, yet she knew exactly what she had to say.

But I can't.

The silence prompted Shizuku to believe her monologue was completed, grinning with an inhale, “M-me too! That's truly all I want, Airi-chan, it's you…!”

Airi didn't move as she felt Shizuku’s arms wrap around her waist.

She let her snuggle into the crook of her neck, she let her press her lips against her shoulder.

No part of her wanted to break from her embrace, but every part of her wanted it to end.

This kindness–this acceptance–she didn’t deserve it. 

Not now.

She let the teardrops that bunched at the corner of her eyes fall now, she was powerless–after all–her mind and her emotions conflicted, clashing, never in harmony.

Shizuku let go, perhaps because Airi never hugged back, or she felt it was appropriate.

Nonetheless, she couldn't tell if her eyes watered out of delight or despair.

“Airi-chan…?” That voice again…

What if…

What if I never get to hear her say my name like that again?

…

…no, that's selfish.

I’m doing this for her–not me.

“I…” Airi cleared her throat, “I didn't finish.”

Shizuku's eyes widened. No words followed.

“I do want to be with you, that part has never changed–but I’m not ready.” 

“You're…?” Shizuku slapped a hand over her mouth at that. Airi smiled for a few seconds.

“...Nothing I've done has proved I can be in a relationship with you–not yet–at least…”

Her eyes fluttered as they continued to tear slowly, “You kn–ow what I mean…?” 

Shizuku shrugged, hands falling to her sides.

Her lips formed a small pout–her eyes stayed glued to the glossy, rose-tinted ones in front of her.

In any circumstance, she still adored this view.

Airi sighed, body slumping down. “Well–I…I’m just bad with my feelings. I lash out too much, I don't want to subject you to that–especially if we’re in a relationship.”

To her surprise then, Shizuku nodded. 

She pointed to her lips, as if she was silently asking if she could speak.

Airi nodded, wiping her flushed cheeks of tears.

“As you were talking…” Shizuku’s voice ran soft in Airi's ears,“I thought again about what happened at your house…and t-the mal–l…”

Airi twitched as she heard Shizuku's voice break. If she saw her cry now…

Shizuku took in a breath, “...and I think I get what you mean now.”

She put on a weird smile, the one she had back at the mall–Airi recalled–almost corporate like.

Almost…forced? 

When she saw the announcement of Shizuku being the leader of Cheerful*Days–she looked just like that.

Airi narrowed her eyes, watching as every second went by, her expression quivered just a little.

“Hey…” Her concern was spread thin, “Are you alright? I know this was kinda unplanned, I’m sorry if you didn't think it’d go like this…”

Shizuku’s smile completely dropped right then.

Her face strained, eyebrows creating a wrinkle where they met.

“No, Airi-chan…! Listen…”

…

Is she gonna…?

“I–I don't care! I don't care about any of that, I still w—ant you in my life! Your flaws d-don't bother me!”

“Still…you're still my i-idol.”

She clutched the fabric guarding her chest as water drops rolled down her cheeks–in perfect sync with each other.

Her nose wrinkled, a slow blink followed before she finally turned her eyes away from Airi.

…

My flaws don't…bother her? 

No–she shouldn't–she shouldn't still want to be with me.

I've done nothing but hurt her.

Why is she doing this to herself…?

Somehow, Airi didn't find tears well up in her eyes.

She was simply confused; all she wanted to know was what Shizuku was wasting her tears on.

Because it couldn't be her. Why would it?

“Airi-chan, w-wanna know how I know you're ready to be in a relationship?” 

“Yeah…?” Airi tilted her head.

“Because you realized you made a mistake.”

…?

She continued, “Not only now, but in the mall too–you apologized there…you caught yourself…”

…I…

“Why would you say something like that?! You can’t just let yourself deal with my erratic ass feelings just because—!”

…I guess I kinda did?

“So, you wanna know what I think…?”

Airi nodded before Shizuku took a few steps toward her.

Her body seared with warmth as she felt soft palms rest themselves on her shoulders, “We can still be together–we can work out our flaws together–we don't have to be apart.”

“I want to support you, Airi-chan, no matter what.”

“Okay?”

…!

She couldn't respond.

Her heart was practically trying to escape from her chest–she felt so warm it was like her whole body was being grilled front and back.

She was sure she was shaking, but the image of Shizuku's radiant complexion, her sparkling eyes and her innate, comforting smile…

Truly, it was all she could focus on.

Instinctively, she brought her thumb right below Shizuku's eye and carefully rubbed the wetness, lips forming a smile she didn't even notice became of her.

“What do you think, Airi-chan?”

Oh…

She still had to respond, even if Shizuku wanted that gesture to be a silent ‘yes’.

“I…”

Airi closed her eyes, maybe that would help with her word forming, “I think we…”

“I think we could, yeah.”

Though she suggested it, she couldn't imagine a world without Shizuku.

As corny and sappy as that sounds…I think it's true.

I want to be better for her. I want to treat her right–I don't–

She opened her eyes. “I don't ever want to see you like this again, Shizuku.”

Shizuku massaged her thumbs into Airi’s shoulders, giggling in response. “Hehe, you can’t really guarantee you wont make me cry…”

“But, it’ll probably be out of happiness next time.”

“Probably…” Airi mutters under her breath, reveling in the soothing feeling she felt in her joints.

I hope so.

She didn’t know if she could trust herself to regulate her emotions in a healthy way just yet, but…

I have to…

I have to trust myself. 

I won’t ever get there as a person or an idol if I don’t.

So…

“Shizuku…thank you.”

“Thank you for trusting me.”

Airi closed the gap between them, wrapping her arms around her waist and easing into the warmth she pressed into.

Without a word, she felt long arms snake over her neck, along with pale blue locks rest onto her head.

She listened to the sound of her heartbeat,

It rang melodic and slow, soothing the guilt that coursed through her veins–erasing it completely.

It reminded her of the low rumble of a thunderstorm, the silent pulsing energy of lightning.

Airi exhaled.

The warmth, the comfort, the love.

I all feel it again now.

She no longer had to long for it.

She's really here…right in front of me.

…I hope she always will be.

ena<3

Tuesday, August 5th

14:42 PM

“Airi-chan?” A sweet and curious voice called out to her, “Who are you texting?”

She turned off her phone as she glanced up, eyes meeting copper hair. “Oh, just Ena.”

Minori’s eyes sparkled seeing Airi smile afterward. “You’re updating her, right?! I’m so happy everything worked out with Shizuku-chan and you!”

Airi giggled in response, shifting her legs as she rested on the steps leading to Shibuya Park.

“Me too, Minori.”

Minori nodded, turning her head over. “Aren’t you too, Haruka-chan? You’re being pretty quiet…”

The girl in question finally raised her head up from her phone, leading on the fence gate near them. “Oh, no—I am. I just feel like I could’ve helped more is all.”

Minori frowned, “Me, too…!” 

“You guys did more than enough, it was an issue I had to solve—don’t worry about it, okay?”

Though, I’m still grateful for all they did…

Speaking of…

“Minori, did you reallyjust want to hang out that day we were at the mall?” Airi questioned, suspicion rising as she turned her head up to see Minori’s concerningly horrified look.

What was even more strange is that Haruka hid her lips at that. What was that for…?

“I—eh…” Minori pouted, turning her face away from Airi’s, “That wasn’t the only reason…I knew Shizuku was there and I wanted you to see her…”

…oh.

So I was right?!

“I’m sorry, Airi-chan!!” She pleaded, ready to bow before Airi put a hand up.

“Minori! It’s fine, man. It’s crazy that you’d come up with a scheme like that, though…”

“Ehehe…um…” She turned over to Haruka—for some reason.

They exchanged a look, glancing at each other with eyes that communicated without words…

What the hell are they trying to do?! It’s almost like–

“That was….my doing.” Haruka confessed.

…

HUH?!

Airi rose to her feet, eyes wide and mouth agape. “You—you guys?! What the hell—and you were worried about not doing as much as you could?!”

“Hehe, it’s the least we could do…?”

Airi’s face scrunched, as a way of saying ‘LEAST?!’, but words eluded her.

She sighed, 

So Haruka did care…

I’d apologize but–I’ll say that later.

I want to show it first.

Airi looked onto the long white lines that showered across Scramble Crossing, Minori and Haruka at her sides as she visualized the figures of two familiar faces.

Her ears caught the sound of faint speech, “Shii-chan, it’s all alright now…you don’t have to grill her…”

“...right, yeah.”

She blinked, not finding herself connected to those words at all; so she disregarded it.

Not until ‘Shii-chan’ herself was right in front of her, sporting a look of slight distaste.

It was not slight at all.

“Heeeey….Shiihooo-chaaann…” 

They stared at each other, relatively leveled as they stood–completely still. 

The others around them did not interfere with their contest of strength.

…

“Momoi-san.” Shiho finally spoke, voice blank as an unused sheet of paper, “Shizuku told–”

“Aaaahh yeaaahh…” Airi took this opportunity to back up, though this did not loosen the tension, “I figured…I’m s–”

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” Shiho narrowed her eyes, hands finding their way in her pockets, “Though–I want you to ensure something for me.”

The emerald eyes that glared back at her were almost as piercing as Shizuku’s as Airi nodded, waiting for her next words…

“You’ll treat her right this time.” 

Airi grinned in a relieved manner as she was expecting something way worse, but in light of that–she flashed Shiho a thumb.

“Of course, Shiho-chan, I got you.”

She nodded after that, turning away from her–but Airi caught the smile that formed on her face before it was completely out of her view.

She let out a hushed chuckle,

I’ll make it up to you.

I’ll make it up to myself.