Chapter Text
It was no secret that Mark Zuckerberg doodled a lot. It’s just that everyone who got as far as exchanging a few words with the guy was surprised by the fact. After all, Mark was mostly known for being a sarcastic computer guy with as much social experience as you might expect from any other computer-obsessed student.
As far as Mark was concerned, the doodling shouldn’t be surprising. It was a very normal thing to do, something that every person on the planet had done at least once when boredom overtook their mind. Besides, it helped whenever he felt unfocused and he couldn’t be bothered to pretend to pay attention to the current matter at hand.
Mark guessed the surprising part came from the fact that people saw him as a more practical person than a creative one, when, in reality, creativity is one of the main aspects of programming. How can you code if you don’t have a vision of what’s being created as each letter is formed by your command? Mark believed it to be one of the most important parts of the process.
So, yes, Mark doodled a lot. About what was in the room, what was currently occupying space in his mind, about people. And not just drawings, but also words.
Dustin was the first one to catch him doing it. He approached him and sat on the chair beside him. The jarring noise of the seat’s legs caused him to get annoyed looks from everywhere across the room, yet Mark had not been startled.
“Mark!” He said with that usual tone of enthusiasm that was just so distinctively Dustin-like. “Hey, I was wondering…” his voice faded, eyes catching on the piece of paper under his pen.
The stare made him feel self-conscious and protective, Mark was suddenly overcome with the urge to cover his careless creation. He didn’t move an inch.
“What?”
“You… Huh.”
Mark’s features hardened. “What, Dustin?”
His voice managed to break through his thoughts and finally, his intrigued expression changed, starting with his smile.
“Oh, nothing, dear Mark. Never took you for being one for the drawing type,” he teased.
Mark rolled his eyes. “Why? Because I don’t have an artsy aura around me and I’m usually surrounded by beer and computers instead of being surrounded by the smell of ink and paint? Stereotypical of you, Dustin.”
“Hey, I’m not saying all artistic people look the same. There’s this chick I saw the other day, she’s an arts major, and she looked nothing like –”
“Dustin, what was it that you wanted?” He could not summon the energy to care for whatever his friend was about to say, and his hand was starting to itch from the urge to just keep doodling and pick up a long-forgotten train of thought that had absolutely nothing to do with Dustin’s rambling. Best to cut things short and be direct, it’s best for both of them.
The ginger in front of him sighed, looking like he always did when he faked disappointment at something that he was so clearly used to by now.
“Okay. So, don’t be mad at me, or at Wardo-”
“Wardo?”
“Yes. He sent me here.”
“Why?”
“He’s going to be a little late…” He dragged his words, wincing slightly.
Oh. Okay.
Mark could feel his breath forcibly leaving his nose but honestly, he had no idea why his body was reacting like this. Eventually, he shrugged, continuing the motion of his hand, making the patterns on his paper start forming themselves once again. “It’s fine, you didn’t have to come.”
“But I-“
“No, honestly. Eduardo shouldn’t even be asking you to do this kind of thing. What, he thinks I need entertainment while he’s busy doing who knows what, as if I can’t function by being by myself without–?” He paused briefly, his hand moving in a swift motion. “Honestly, Dustin, I’m fine here. Wardo can just text me next time instead of sending you to distract me.”
His gaze went back to the paper. He didn’t dare to look up and see Dustin’s current expression as an uneasy feeling started taking over him.
A chuckle made him pause and finally confront what he had been avoiding. His eyes narrowed as he stared up at Dustin, not quite sure why he was entertaining the idea of listening to what he was about to say. Nothing good would come out of it, yet he waited for it anyway.
“Oh Marky, you really are something else without your other half by your side.” Dustin made a pouty face and under any other circumstances, Mark would’ve found it amusing. But Mark wasn’t in the mood for it right now.
“Dustin, I need to keep working on CourseMatch. You know how much development it still needs. The sooner I can get it done, the sooner I can get it out in the open–” The thought of his ongoing project, and the frustration that he had been feeling the whole day were the tip of the iceberg that made him slam his notebook shut. “You know what? Where’s Wardo?”
“Woah, what are you doing?” Dustin asked, eyebrows raising in surprise at the unexpected movement Mark made.
“If he can’t seem to manage to be on time for something like this, I’ll go to him. Besides, I need my laptop.” He said, as if it was obvious. Mark always had that effect on his conversations, the effect of making the recipient feel like they weren’t smart enough to catch up – which usually was the case.
“No, just… Wait here, look, I’ll just call him, alright?” Dustin took the notebook from his hand and opened it to a random page. “Just, stay here and keep…” His gaze went back to the loose pages on the table and he stopped, eyes catching on something.
Mark’s eyes followed what had caught his friend’s attention. He didn’t react. His body remained immobile, the complete opposite of what he was experiencing internally. His face grew hot and endless thoughts kept running and shouting in his head. When had he written that??
Dustin gasped – shrieked? – and hands were suddenly firm on Mark’s shoulders swaying him lightly.
“Aww, Marky, you’re in love!” It was a surprise that Dustin had not been kicked out of the library yet, but Mark was wishing that would happen, wishing for anything if it meant not having this conversation right now.
Mark removed Dustin’s hands and firmly shut the notebook again.
“I’m going to get my laptop.”
“Oh no, Mark. You won’t–”
The sound of his flip-flops against the wooden floor was his only answer.
“Fine! Then I’ll come with you! And you can tell me everything about the person who hangs the moon for you!”
Mark wanted to disappear. He wanted his laptop, and then he wanted to disappear.
By the time they reached the door of the library, his hands were digging holes in the inside of his backpack in search of something to conceal the noise of Dustin’s voice.
“Who’s ‘E’? Is it a girl? A boy? Do I know them? Hang on, didn’t you used to sit next to Elena Bridge in one of your classes? No, but you barely looked at her that time, but then again, maybe that’s how you show affection to your crushes…”
“Dustin.” Mark let out an exasperated sigh.
“… But no, I don’t think that’s it. I mean you are very emotionless. You showing that you care for someone…”
Mark's footsteps grew faster.
“Who else could it be? I mean there’s Mrs. Williams, her first name is Esther… Oh my god, Mark, is it Mrs.Williams?!”
“For fuck’s sake, Dustin! It is not Mrs. Williams.”
“But it is someone! I’m trying to think of so many names with E but my mind isn’t working because you, Mark Zuckerberg, have a crush on someone! Don’t you see how big this is? Oh, I haven’t told Chris… I need to tell Eduardo…” Dustin stopped abruptly as the last name was out in the air.
And that was the moment, the moment that Mark’s head kept replaying for him, the one he had not wanted to see come to life in front of him, and there was no avoiding the fall out now. Mark knew, no matter what he said, it wouldn’t be enough to stop this because once the idea was settled in Dustin’s brain, it would stay there forever.
And because there’s no point in avoiding the inevitable, Mark felt like there was no point in lying. That was the ideal moment to be truthful, to let someone in on his little secret, to tell him that yes, it was Eduardo. And that it had been for such a long time that he couldn’t remember when it wasn’t. It was the perfect opportunity. If only words to that effect could ever come out of his mouth.
“You’re being absurd, Dustin.” And because he was petty, he added, “not that you weren’t before.”
But his friend was so immersed in his new revelation that he didn't even react to the insult.
“It makes so much sense, how did I not think of it before?”
“Maybe you’re not bright enough, and before you get any more bright ideas, it’s not.”
“Not what?”
“Not him.”
Dustin’s softened. “Of course, it isn’t, whatever you say to let you sleep at night, my dear friend.”
“I don’t need to tell myself anything, Dustin, unlike you.”
His friend’s arm went round his shoulders, and Mark was embarrassed and pissed and wanted to remove him. But it was cold and he was not that upset.
“Haha, well, your witty barbs can’t hurt me. Not now, when my spirits are so high. Not now after this incredible gift that you’ve given me!” Dustin crowed. “This is the best thing that has happened to me in weeks.”
Mark finally left his backpack alone, after coming out empty-handed his fingers fiddled with the zipper as he found the exit door right in front of them. He’d never been more relieved.
“How pathetic your life must be if someone else’s crush is the highlight.”
“Mark, there’s no point, no words from you can hurt me right now. Your love life is my armor!”
“Fuck off–” Just as his fingers tightened around the door handle, he came face to face with the person that he so desperately wanted to see ten minutes ago - and the one he’d been dreading coming across at that moment.
Mark didn’t need to look at Dustin beside him to know he had that idiotic and annoying smile that he always made when things went his way.
“Hey,” Eduardo said, with a little smile of his own that should really be considered just as idiotic. But it was subtle enough to make Mark’s eyebrows lose some of the tension he had built up since Dustin had shown up.
“Wardooo,” Dustin spoke first – which Mark was glad of for once – “You got here early.”
Mark scoffed.
“Alright, Mark?”
He regarded him with a look that could only say, ‘what do you think?’
Eduardo’s smile didn’t falter. He lightly raised his left shoulder which was carrying his bag, “I brought you something!”
“I’m not a fucking dog, Eduardo. You don’t have to give me a treat for waiting –” A solid cold slab of metal was placed in his hands and Mark suddenly felt like not speaking anymore. After waiting for what felt like years – it had only been 7 hours and 15 minutes – he finally had his most precious possession back.
He turned around, and tuning them out already he started walking back towards the desk he’d just left. And just like that, the thoughts worrying at him started erasing themselves as new lines of code replaced them instead. He just hoped that by the time he was tired enough to go back to his dorm, Dustin would be too absorbed in something else to bring it up again.
***
It would’ve been ideal if that was the only time the ‘doodle situation’ had happened. Except, the universe – and Mark himself, apparently – was keen on putting him into mortifying situations.
It was the last class of the day, and Mark was pretty done with it already. He would’ve bailed except he had missed the last two classes of Psychology, and even though he was very good with his electronic devices, the study of the human mind was something that he probably did need to learn more about. Especially seeing as he was an actual Psychology major.
And yet, even though this class raised some of his interest, he couldn’t quite keep all his attention on it. He had spent the night before stuck on an algorithm that kept getting more interesting and frustrating the longer he spent decoding it. What he was crafting was something new, something meaningful, something that would alter college life completely. It was a very straightforward and quite simple yet innovative idea.
It was not completely structured yet, just a few lines of code that slowly started to take form like an artist’s sketch. It had Mark excited, he would’ve been done with this project if he hadn’t gotten so distracted recently.
Even though hundreds of outcomes and designs were darting around his mind, his hands had started taking on a mind of their own, pulling in independent thoughts that were completely unrelated to what he was working on. At times they would present themselves as unexpected flashes that had Mark losing his train of thought momentarily.
Flashes of dark hair, muscles working underneath arms, hands tightening on his shoulders… Eyes, big dark brown eyes that were so expressive – a complete contrast to his own. Though, Eduardo always pointed out that his eyebrows were his most expressive feature – and so on. His mind would wander without his permission, forcing him to stop and start his initial thoughts all over again.
Mark started to think that skipping his class might’ve been a better use of his time. Probably more helpful than coming and hearing what the professor had to say but not actively listening.
He was in the process of drawing the left side of a big brain – a pretty detailed one if he said so himself – when he caught something at the bottom of the page.
What the fuck? He’s done it again. He's not a high schooler with his first crush, thank you very much. Soon enough he’ll start drawing little hearts and looking up Eduardo’s astrology sign and checking the compatibility with his and searching if their initials match. Or whatever else girls do when they find a new person to obsess over.
He doesn’t do stuff like that. Sure, he has found plenty of people attractive but he’s never crossed that line into... Romantic feelings. Until now.
He was thankful that his hands hadn’t completely betrayed him, and they followed his command as they gripped the side of his notebook and firmly closed it before anyone could get a glimpse. After Dustin, he couldn’t risk someone else seeing it and commenting about it. Not when he was busy building something that could change everything. His entire life and reputation.
But when had things ever gone his way?
He couldn’t think of a single time when things had ever gone exactly as he planned them.
***
Chris found out next.
Mark supposed he should be thankful it wasn’t Eduardo who caught him this time, and that Dustin had surprisingly kept his mouth shut for once. Especially about something so mortifying.
It was a week after the whole Dustin-finding out-fiasco and he was just coming back from a – doodle-free, thankfully – class when Chris approached him.
“Hey Mark,” he called. He appeared friendly but the awkward quirk in his mouth betrayed the fact that something was off.
Mark narrowed his eyes but decided to play along. “Hi.”
“So… How was class?”
Okay, yeah, something was totally off with Chris. Did he forget who he was talking to? Why were his closest friends suddenly being so cryptic and set on wasting their time making small talk with him?
“It was fine.”
“Good, cool. ”
Mark started walking, Chris’s footsteps joined him a second later.
The halls weren’t that crowded. People were walking so hurriedly the building nearly emptied out in a matter of minutes, leaving them as the only ones walking down the halls at a normal pace.
Neither of them spoke for a while and even though there was the usual background noise of students chatting as they passed by, Mark and Chris were locked in a silent journey of two.
It wasn’t a comfortable silence, not that Mark tended to pay too much attention to those. Any silence ends with the same outcome. His mind running a stream of thoughts filled with all sorts of things so as not to waste the time said silence was wasting until it eventually dissolved again into loud chatter. Dustin’s chatter, typically.
“So. Where are you going now?”
“To my dorm, I have to finish this essay for tomorrow.”
Chris groaned, “Is it the same one you’ve been working on the whole week?”
Well, not the whole week. Mark had been mostly working on cleaning up pieces of broken code for his latest program, leaving him with a 20% finished personal project, but no progress on the Psychology essay that should be demanding his attention and had a strict external deadline.
Mark nodded, pursing his lips but not adding further comment on it. Chris would tell him what was up soon enough.
“How finished is it?”
Uh. Coursematch? “20% done.” Essay about social psychology concepts? Imaginary.
“Hm… I have a few things I need to finish up as well. Ugh, even thinking about them stresses me out.” Chris groaned, shaking his head. “I’ve been putting them off for too long now, I was actually on my way to that dining hall Wardo always talks about.” His tone shifts slightly and Mark was sure if he looked up, he would find his blue eyes staring right back at him.
But the little dust bunnies and trash that his flip-flops kept kicking up were far more interesting.
“Have fun.”
Another groan, was Chris turning into an animal? There was no reason for him to be making so many noises.
“God, why are you so…”
Mark’s eyes finally shifted up and met brighter eyes than his own.
“So what?”
Chris huffed in frustration and then chuckled.
“What?” Mark repeated.
“You’re coming with me.”
“Who says I–?”
“You are.” Chris's hand started shoving his body in an entirely different direction from where they were originally going.
Mark snorted, resisting him. “Right.”
“Listen, you’ve been insufferable – not that you ever weren’t – for the last fifteen minutes. We’re doing this. And you can’t say no, or do anything to stop it. We’re roommates and you should consider that you will fall asleep at some point, leaving many of your precious things unprotected. So don’t test me, Mark.”
Mark did not look like a child who had just been scolded, he never has and never will but lately, he had noticed that he’s developed this habit of crossing his arms when confronted with a situation he has no way of escaping. It was getting annoying. He forced his arms to break apart as soon as he realized, his hands immediately seeking shelter in the front pocket of his hoodie.
“I can’t do that, I need to go to my dorm and get my stuff for my next class.” He said the first excuse that came to mind, hoping Chris wouldn’t remember what day it was or what classes he had taken previously.
“Could’ve fooled me, Mark. But I checked your schedule, you don’t have any more classes. Everything you need to study is most likely in your bag right now.”
Mark didn’t respond, the stairs giving him the opportunity to cease talking momentarily as they headed down to the ground floor.
It also gave him the chance to get a head start on Chris but he managed to catch up quickly.
“Why do you want me to come with you?” Mark finally bit the bullet and asked bluntly.
Chris took a deep breath, the worried expression from before returning. “Can’t I just spend time with you? I thought we were friends, man.” he teased, trying and failing to lighten his expression but the slight quave in his voice once again betrayed him.
Mark’s lip curled a bit at the joke, “Can we be considered friends if we just share a dorm together?”
“Okay, fine,” Chris sighed. “There is something I want to talk to you about right now, but honestly, if you were to say that to me under any other circumstances I would’ve been deeply offended.” His face softened as he lightly bumped their shoulders together.
“Under any other circumstances, I wouldn’t have said anything. You’re the one acting so weird around me.” Mark teases, a hint of a smile still on his lips.
Chris snorted, “I thought I was acting normal.”
“So, what is it?”
“It’s about Dustin.”
Oh God. Mark visually tensed after hearing that. Fuck. Dustin had said something. He knew it would be only a matter of time before he did. Before he had time to process his emotions, Chris continued.
“Is there something going on between you two? You’ve both been acting so odd lately. Dustin at least is. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how little time you’ve been spending together.”
Oh. So it was about that. What Chris said was true but to be fair, in Mark’s defense, the four of them had been pretty busy lately. It was exam season and as much as they liked to procrastinate and have fun, they were being diligent about attending classes lately.
But Mark had been actively avoiding Dustin. The redhead had tried to talk to him numerous times after the incident had happened but all his efforts of getting Mark to open up about it had proven unsuccessful.
Dustin wasn’t the type to give up on something so easily but he was surprisingly giving Mark some space, most likely due to the study stress most students at Harvard were having. Exams meant there hadn’t been as many parties as of late, or at least not many that he was aware of. And he usually knew about at least some of them thanks to his friends dragging him along. Overall people were taking their studies very seriously all of a sudden. Maybe something was up in the air or whatever.
Mark opened his mouth to say exactly that, but Chris spoke, cutting him off before he could get a word out, “And don’t give me the whole ‘Oh, we’ve been so busy because of exams’ and all that bullshit, because last month was way more stressful and we still spent time together. So. Spill.”
Chris really was the mother of the group, but right then it was pissing Mark off more than it amused him.
“Jesus, what do you want me to say, Chris? We’ve just been busy. Even Wardo has been coming over less frequently lately but you’re focused on Dustin for some fucking reason. There’s nothing going on other than that. We haven’t had the time to spend together.”
Chris looked at him, unconvinced, eyes still squinted and his lips pressed tightly together. He sucked in a deep breath that was obviously filled with disappointment. He looked conflicted, like he was still deciding whether to keep pressing for answers or to just drop the topic entirely.
Mark waited eagerly to see which side would win. He hoped the latter would come out on top.
“Okay, whatever you say, man.” Chris finally responded, shaking his head lightly and looking away. “And just because you pointed it out, I need to clarify – you and Eduardo are nothing like how you and Dustin are being right now. You may not notice it, but I do.” Mark didn’t know how to answer that. “But, whatever. Let’s hurry up before it gets too late.”
They kept walking, talking about other things that didn’t involve their other friends. Mark wouldn’t admit it but he had missed spending time with Chris, and as they crossed the campus and rounded the streets he started to loosen up, forgetting all about the stress he had inflicted upon himself all week.
After a while, Chris cut him short.
“Oh, I forgot to mention, I invited Dustin and Wardo to hang out with us.” Chris shot him a toothy smile filled with smugness.
Mark took back everything he’d been thinking moments before. He had forgotten how insufferable Chris could be when he wanted to get what he wanted. Mark hadn’t missed him at all.
“What? Chris –”
His traitorous friend's arm wrapped around his shoulder, forcing him to match his pace and preventing him from trying to walk away.
“What, Marky ?”
“Are you so obsessed with Dustin that you have started to act like him? Maybe you should just admit that this whole interrogation was so that you could talk about him by centering it all on me?” He sucked in the breath he had been neglecting, frustrated.
A pause and a chuckle indicated that his words had had an undesirable effect on the blond boy.
“Aw, you get upset so easily. It’s kind of adorable.” Chris’ left hand made a grabby gesture and as soon as Mark’s eyes noticed his fingers getting closer to his face he swayed as far away as he could.
“Fuck –”
Whatever he was about to say died on his lips as the dining hall was finally in view. ‘In view’ as in right in front of them. It was the place Wardo had kept trying to take him. The building itself didn’t look like anything out of the ordinary. But, you could see the warm tones through the windows, giving the place a cozy atmosphere that couldn’t be so easily found at the other dining halls around Harvard.
Eduardo had mentioned it at least a dozen times for some reason. The first time he brought it up, was when he’d been walking Mark back to his dorm.
According to his brown-eyed friend, this place sells: “The best black coffee you will ever taste.”
Which is ridiculous, since black coffee is pretty straightforward to prepare. Not to mention, it always tastes the same unless you add something else which ultimately turns it into something other than black coffee.
“They also serve pretty neat sweets.”
But he doesn’t elaborate much on those. Not that Mark cares much about them.
“They've also started selling energy drinks, Red Bulls, and all that stuff… Makes sense, given that so many of us go there at all sorts of hours and some people stay as long as they can. You should really come and check it out. It’s becoming more of a commons space. Better than the library, or the other dining halls around campus that are so crowded all the time. You should go there for a change.”
And he’d said many other things that Mark can’t recall. He’d started tuning it out whenever Wardo brought it up again. He’d been trying to persuade Mark to join him on one of his trips ever since he’d found it, but Mark had yet to accept an offer.
Mark wondered how Wardo would react to finally seeing him in the place. He’d probably do that little prideful smile he makes whenever Mark complies with something he suggested.
Finally, Chris released him to push at the door handle. He used his free hand to drag Mark inside by the hoodie.
The rush of warmth hit him so hard that it felt like he was in a completely different city. His cheeks relished the change of temperature while the rest of his body went into shock, it had become so used to the cold outside.
Mark scanned the room, looking for his other friends but his eyes got distracted. He was not disappointed at what he saw. There weren’t many people around, giving them a large selection of tables to sit at. There seemed to be a section in a corner that contained a bookshelf full of books that Mark couldn’t identify unless he got closer, but they seemed to be very diverse both in length and size, as if it had been organized for every student, with different tastes in mind.
The decor was a perfect mix of beige, brown, and black; the yellow lights complimented the warm colors and made everything come together. It was a perfect place for students to seek comfort before a big test without the limitations the library had.
Mark caught Chris looking around as well. He pulled him towards the bench close to the entrance before abruptly stopping, almost causing him to run right into him.
“What is-”
His friend raised his hand, pointing at a spot in the distance. “There they are!” he exclaimed excitedly, as if he hadn’t seen them just this morning.
Mark followed the direction of his finger and found the other half of their group sitting at a table next to a window. He internally groaned. He’d hoped that they might have at least picked out a table more to his liking but it seemed like that wasn’t the case. Well… He could ask Wardo to switch, but Mark suddenly felt that there wouldn’t be much point in doing so.
Eduardo was sitting opposite Dustin, one of his arms wrapped around the top of the chair he was sitting on. He looked so at ease, not having noticed their arrival yet. They seemed to be in a very animated conversation judging by the way Wardo’s lips kept turning up.
Mark was suddenly itching to get to their table.
Without noticing, his legs had already taken over from Chris’s, and dragged them towards the other two boys, a complete contrast to what had been happening a few minutes before. This time, Chris was the one trailing along after him with his fingers still wrapped around the fabric of Mark’s hoodie.
Dustin cut himself off mid-sentence when they arrived in front of them. Wardo’s smile only got bigger when he made eye contact with Mark.
“Hi,” Mark said in a small voice, blue eyes not leaving brown ones, totally disregarding Dustin.
“Hey,” Wardo said, his smile faltering a bit. It transformed into a smaller one, a more private expression.
“Guyss, how nice of you to finally treat us with your lovely presence.” Dustin teased, outstretching his arms dramatically. “Me and my friend Eduardo here were growing gray hairs wondering when our comrades would finally arrive to free us from the torturous torments our minds–”
“We have literally been here for five minutes.” Wardo’s voice cut in.
Mark rolled his eyes, about to take a seat next to Eduardo when Chris beat him to it.
Mark paused, staring down at him, confused for a few seconds before he registered what his friend was up to.
Great. Chris thought he was so smooth, making it seem as if what he had done wasn’t an out-of-the-ordinary thing. To anyone outside their group, it would look normal enough, but to anyone who knew them or had paid any attention to their interactions it would seem a little odd that they had switched their usual sides, especially if they were there to ‘study’.
Chris looked up at him with an innocently fake smile, one that Mark just returned with a glare before taking a seat next to Dustin.
The thud of his backpack hitting the ground made Dustin pause whatever rant he had been continuing since the moment they had reached their table.
“You guys ordered anything already?” asked Chris.
“Uh, yeah, just a black coffee for me, and Dustin ordered some donuts when we arrived,” Eduardo replied.
“Aw, how nice of you to think of us, Dustin!” Chris said enthusiastically.
“Don’t you dare put your hands on my donuts. You’ll have to order some for yourself, Hughes,” Dustin replied, still using the same old-fashioned tone from before.
“Sharing is caring, Moskovitz.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t care about you then!” Dustin called after him, Chris already standing up and heading to the counter to order. Chris just turned and flipped him off while still walking away.
He almost tripped when he stopped short and came running back. “Shit, sorry Mark. Do you want something?”
Mark was midway through getting his laptop out of his bag. He shrugged and after a couple of seconds, he shook his head lightly, bringing his attention once again to the metallic instrument in his hand.
“Mark.”
He lifted his head at Wardo calling him.
Wardo was looking at him in that nagging, disappointed way Mark was familiar by now, after being the cause of it so many times.
“What?”
Eduardo let out an exasperated sigh, eyes finally leaving his face. He turned to Chris. “Get him a cappuccino and some donuts…”
Mark’s eyes stayed put on Wardo’s face, waiting for him to stare back at him or hoping he could at least feel the intensity he was putting into his glare.
Wardo glances back at him, big brown eyes looking amused without even trying. How are his eyes so expressive?
“I’m only messing with you. Bring him a black coffee and some red vines,” he finished with a grin.
Mark forced himself to look away. His traitorous eyes kept getting fixated on his friend’s mouth. He didn’t even notice when Chris left for the counter again.
A panic of sorts built inside him for a few seconds, his hands working their way around his bag in an awkward manner, something usual for Mark. But any distraction was good enough for him, so when he finally opened his laptop, he started training his mind to pay attention to something else.
On his laptop, there was a folder containing his latest works. For easier access, Mark had saved both his assignment and his project in the same folder, which at times like this seemed like a terrible idea, given that his mouse cursor was starting to click the one file he wasn't meant to be working on at the moment.
“Isn’t this nice? The four of us studying together after so many moons,” he faintly heard his friend beside him exclaim, “I used to pray for times like this!” In his peripheral vision Mark could see Dustin wiping a fake tear from his cheek.
A giggle cut through the fog of annoyance Mark was submerged in.
Why was Eduardo distracting him so much today?
There was a thud behind his screen, indicating Chris’ return. Mark still hadn’t opened his assignment file.
“Your prayers have not been in vain then, my friend.”
His laptop was shoved slightly to the side, a hand with a white cardboard cup being offered to him.
“Thanks,” Mark murmured, eyes still focused on his screen.
Chris let out an exasperated sigh but didn't say anything. Mark took the cup, bringing it to his lips while actually making some progress in his laptop. He didn’t pay much attention to his drink until he took a small taste of it. He paused momentarily.
“So?” Eduardo’s eager voice called for his attention, a smile to match. “How is it?”
It was pretty good.
“It’s okay.” He shrugged, taking another sip.
Eduardo huffed, “Come on, man, give me something. At least pretend, for my enjoyment.” His brown-haired friend should’ve looked annoyed, done with Mark’s tactics by then. Instead, he wore a smile as vibrant as the sun.
“It’s just black coffee, Wardo,” he rolled his eyes, but he obliged. “But it is pretty good.”
His friend’s smile widened. Mark didn’t know how that was even possible. What he did know was that his eyes found Wardo’s lips fascinating, judging by the way they stayed settled on them.
Dustin snickers, “I mean he does have a point. It’s good stuff.”
“Can we please start getting something done now?”
Mark doesn’t know how much time passed after that. He tuned them out and his hands were soon running at a quick pace on his keyboard. He made progress without any more distractions.
He was almost done when the boy sitting in front of him forced him to stop.
“Maaark.”Chris called for his attention.
“Yeah?”
“I know you need to finish that paper for tomorrow, but can’t you just at least look at us occasionally or acknowledge our existence once?” Dustin elaborated for his friend.
“I thought this was a study group.”
“Yes, it is a study group. You’re not here on your own.”
Mark rolled his eyes but didn't argue back. He closed his almost-finished document, about to open another thing when he felt a nudge coming from his left side.
He scanned for its source, his search ending with Dustin’s insistent stare. He looked like he was trying to say something without using his mouth to voice it. His eyebrows did a weird dance, and Mark couldn’t help but notice that there was something different about him.
He had been avoiding him for a while now, making this the first time they were properly facing each other since that embarrassing moment in the library.
“What is it?” He dared to enquire. If his red-haired friend were to say something about what happened, he would’ve done it by now. And while he was so immersed in finishing his work, Chris and Wardo wouldn’t have been acting so calmly if they knew anything about it.
“Can we talk?” He half-whispered, not being subtle about it. Luckily for him, his friends hadn’t noticed the exchange they were having.
“About what?” Mark pursed his lips, finally breaking eye contact.
“You really want me to say that now?”
That brings his attention back. Mark doesn’t know what to say. Does he want to talk about it? Obviously not. But… He considers it because Dustin’s hazel eyes lacked a bit of his usual enthusiasm. Maybe they can address it once just to make sure they never bring it up again.
“Okay. Later.” That’s all he manages to say before Chris’s attention came back to them.
“Is there anything you need help with, Mark? I know you were concentrating pretty hard there but you know…” Chris’ voice softly faded as he registered Mark’s blank stare.
Mark shrugged.
“Dustin?” Chris changed targets, not before making an unimpressed expression at Mark.
“Ugh, when do I not?” Dustin complained, ruffling his hair with his hands. He straightened up, snapping out of his internal turmoil. “I’m really sucking at econ, like… way more than usual. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately, man,” he rambled, making a mess on the table while he looked for something.
“Just ‘lately’? I thought that would be another Tuesday for you.”
“Haha.” One of Dustin’s hands stopped his mission to flip him off.
Chris smirked. “So what are you looking for?”
Mark’s attention started drifting, their voices already morphing with the background chatter around the room. He doesn’t close his laptop but he does take out the notebook he uses to cope in situations like this from his bag.
His eyes roamed, gazing from the disarray of papers they’d made on the table to his friends once again. Dustin flipped through a book rapidly while Chris simply waited for him patiently.
Wardo is staring right at Mark.
It shouldn't have caught him off guard but it does. There’s always something in his stare that makes Mark feel out of place. He can’t decipher what it is, but it’s not like he’s tried very hard to.
Mark’s hands have found a pen, so without dwelling more on Eduardo, he breaks their connection. He turned back to his paper – sketching out a pair of eyes, Wardo’s eyes, if a less vivid – and less detailed – version of them.
An hour or so later, Mark’s about to swap his already filled page for a clean one when Chris’s startled noise stops him. He looked up at him confused, Eduardo and Dustin matching his expression.
“Are you alright, Chris?” Eduardo’s the first to ask, half-amused and half-concerned.
Chris cleared his throat, doing a poor job of acting calm and collected. Mark frowned.
“Yeah, sorry, just remembered… something. Uh,” he pointedly looked anywhere but at Mark. “Actually, Wardo, could you get us some Red Bulls or something? Feels like I’m gonna fall asleep if I have to listen to Dustin explain his essay one more time.”
“Hey –”
Eduardo chuckled, obviously not buying Chris’s act. “Right… Well, I was going to the bathroom anyway so, okay.”
Chris smiled up at him as he watched him walk away. Once he was certain Eduardo was out of view, his eyes landed on Mark. Everyone was looking at him so much today.
“Mark!” The blond gaped at him. Mark can’t tell if it’s in a good way or a bad way.
“What?”
Chris’s mouth moved, about to start a sentence but the sound refused to come out. Mark was so confused.
“What is it?” Dustin asked this time.
Chris’s left hand took charge, pointing at a corner of the page that Mark was still gripping, not having swapped it out yet.
Mark looked down at what his friend was signaling.
Oh. Ugh. That thing again. He sighed tiredly, his fingers pressing against his temple. He was getting so tired of this.
“Oh!” Dustin exclaimed excitedly, taking his notebook from his hands to examine it from up close.
“What– How – Oh my god, Mark, why didn’t you tell me?” Chris hit his arm softly. There’s a big smile on his face, his eyes just as big. He stared at Mark similarly to how Wardo usually looked at him.
“Tell you what?” Mark sighed deeply.
“Don’t play dumb with me, Mark Zuckerberg,” he hit him again. Mark moved further away from him. In his silence, he continued, softer this time. “About, you know… How you feel about him.”
“Chris, I am so happy I can talk to you about this, it was killing me!” Dustin cut in, saving Mark from the mortifying answer he was being forced to give. “You have no idea – Wait, ‘him’? How do you know he’s a ‘he’?”
Chris fell silent for a couple of seconds, giving Dustin a pointed look. “Dustin, what are you on about? ‘E + M’. M is for Mark. E is for…” he pauses before lowering his voice, eyes making sure the coast is clear, “... Eduardo. It’s obvious.”
“But… How did you figure it out so fast?” Dustin pouted, his voice fading the longer he finished his question.
Mark shook his head, he reached out for the last Red Vine they had left.
Chris frowns, about to respond before interrupting himself, “We’re getting sidetracked here.” His eyes returned to him. “Mark.”
Mark rolled his eyes, chewing on his snack slowly. Whatever Chris was expecting from him was going to have to wait until he was done with his Red Vine. And Mark was thinking of taking his time enjoying it.
Chris's glare became almost deadly, it took approximately one minute for his patience to break.
Mark swallowed and was about to take another bite when his snack was snatched. “Hey.”
“Speak. Now.” Chris held his arm as far away from Mark, making sure he couldn’t take his Red Vine back.
“God, you two are so annoying,” he mumbled, shoulders going slack as he dropped further down on his seat. “I hate you both.”
“Yeah, yeah, we know. The feeling is mutual, Mark.” Chris said, his lips curving slightly.
“Yes, you telling us that is nothing new…But you know who you don’t hate?” Dustin sing-songed, his head resting on the palm of his hands.
“Mmm, could it be someone whose name starts with an ‘E’, Dustin?” Chris joined in, faking innocence. “Someone who was just moments ago, sat next to me? Who could it be?”
Mark crossed his arms, refusing to give his friends the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of him.
“Okay, but Mark. Wardo is going to come any minute now, you better talk fast unless you want him to see what you were doing, or for him to find out what we’re talking about.” Chris’s expression turned serious once again. “By the way, I have no idea how he didn’t notice before… Especially as he doesn’t take his eyes off of you.”
Mark ignored that last comment.
“He’s not obsessed with everything I do, unlike you two, who can’t seem to find something better to do than to prey on my romantic life,” he glared at the redhead sitting next to him, “We’ve already had this conversation. And I know you won’t say anything if Wardo comes back now.” He takes his eyes away from Dustin, staring intensely at the table.
“And he doesn’t look at me that much,” he added.
Okay, so he didn’t entirely ignore that last comment.
Mark didn’t look up but he could feel the stares, their disappointment ready to greet his face as soon as he glanced up. He couldn’t bring himself to face it.
“You are such a clever guy, but you can’t see what’s right in front of you, huh?” Chris’s tone felt dragged down, filled with tiredness. He took a deep breath before proceeding, “Look, we’re not going to… judge you for it. I’m thrilled about this. But you need to start talking more about your feelings, dude. Even if you don’t want to.”
If only it were that easy.
“Also, I think you should tell him.” Dustin joined in.
Mark snorted, finally lifting his head. “I can’t even talk about it with you, you want me to tell Eduardo about it?” Mark always assumed his friends were naive but he didn’t imagine the extent of it. “And why would I tell him about it? It's already horrifyingly embarrassing that you two know. I don't need him treating me any differently.”
“Is that it? You just don’t want things to change?”
“I don’t…” Mark let out a huff of air exasperated.
He hated talking about this. He hated the way Eduardo always managed to screw him over in a way. He hated not knowing what he wanted from Wardo. He hated the fact that he wasn’t aware of what he wanted. He was always sure about everything.
It was just doodles on a piece of paper that he would later most likely rip off and throw into the trash can, why did it hold so much meaning what he wrote on it?
Chris seemed to take mercy on him because he didn’t make any further comment about it.
Dustin sighed happily. “I’m so glad you know about this too, Chris. I can finally speak my truth! I don’t have to suffer alone now.”
Chris chuckled, leaning back. “Wait, Mark, you told Dustin… Dustin before me?”
“I didn’t tell Dustin, he –”
“I found out just like you. Mark doesn’t know what ‘discreet’ is. If you don’t want our dear Wardo finding out, maybe don’t go around doing it in public. Maybe don’t do it while he’s right in front of you either– Ow!” Dustin’s lecture was interrupted by the pain in his shoulder. A pain inflicted by Mark’s fist, of course.
Chris snickered, “He is right, Mark. You’re lucky he didn’t notice,” he paused, looking around, “isn’t Wardo taking too long?”
“Maybe he did notice! What if he did? Maybe he’s freshening himself up before seeing you. Marky, you need to do the same, he can’t see you like this!” Dustin’s hands lasted two seconds on Mark’s hair before he pushed them away.
“You need to fucking stop –” Mark’s voice – and breath – left him as soon as he became aware of their brunette friend approaching them. There’s a thud beside him that pulls him out of his trance. Dustin’s posture was straight, his hand resting on top of the other side of the page that contained Mark’s latest humiliation.
Mark was not freaking out about Eduardo being back. He really wasn’t. But Dustin’s words started to get to him. Shit, what if he did notice before going to the bathroom?
Eduardo was about to sit down when he paused at Chris’ expectant stare.
“Red Bulls?” Chris prompted.
“Ah, right.” Eduardo facepalmed, heading back to the counter. Mark’s eyes followed his movements.
“Okay, so don’t freak out. I don’t think he noticed so just… Act cool.” Chris hurriedly said, his hands fidgeting with his sleeve. “Especially you, Dustin.”
Dustin didn’t squirm under Chris’s gaze, instead, he smirked confidently before replying, “You think I can’t keep a secret, Hughes? We wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t, remember?”
“Hm. Guess so.” Chris murmured, his whole demeanor had changed. His previous neurotic behavior vanished, being now replaced with the disposition of a man deep in thought.
Mark wondered with weariness what his friend might’ve been plotting. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. He squinted as if by doing so he’d be able to reveal what was in Chris’s mind.
“I think you should tell him. Or do something about it,” Chris eventually said, repeating what Dustin had previously voiced.
“I’m not talking more about this,” Mark said. It was incredible that they wanted to keep insisting on his actions, he was not going to do it, no matter how many times they told him to do so. He was so done with the subject.
“Well I want to, so you’re going to have to listen –”
“Says who?” Mark said, no trace of humor in his features. It should’ve been indication enough that he really didn’t want to continue talking. Yet, Chris kept pushing.
“I say so, because you are one of my best friends and I hate –”
Chris didn’t get to finish his sentence, Mark stood up, picked up his things, and started to walk away.
“He keeps running away from this…” Mark heard Dustin’s voice fading the longer his legs put distance between them.
He could almost feel the fresh air waiting for him outside when a hand lightly but firmly grabbed his arm.
“Hey,” Eduardo breathlessly said, “where are you going? What’s wrong?”
Mark was upset. With his friends for pushing, with the universe, with his hands, with himself. And yet, as he started up at Eduardo’s worried frown, he could feel his mood lightening up slowly. As if suddenly someone had thrown a bucket of water over the flames inside his mind.
“Chris is just being a dick.” He replied with a small voice, hands tightening around the straps of his backpack.
“Hm…” Eduardo pursed his lips – Mark’s eyes did not stare at them for long – as he let his hand around Mark’s arm drop. He continued with a shy smile: “Let’s get out of here, then.”
Mark couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows, he was expecting more nagging. He was expecting Eduardo to push, just like Chris and Dustin did, to tell him that he was probably the one being a dick, and that he needed to come back to the table.
He was not expecting Wardo’s patient eyes, full of understanding – and softness? – laying on Mark, being a total contrast to what he had been going through before. Mark felt the urge to voice something, to do what his blond friend told him to do. The words desperately wanted to come out. He never could bring himself to let them. He was trapped, his own body once again being his enemy.
“Okay,” was the only word that got to pass through his lips.
“Okay, let me go grab my things. Be right back!” Wardo smiled, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
While he waited, a thought kept standing out from the rest. One that he had been suppressing for quite a long time. He was so fucked. And he was falling for Eduardo Saverin hard.