Chapter Text
The pale green liquid in the large silver cauldron gurgled, tiny bubbles rippling the surface as they slowly formed and popped with a hiss. The atmosphere of the room crackled with energy as the runes etched along the cauldron’s rim glowed. Sitting at her cramped desk, Hermione scratched hurriedly at her parchment, only rising during timed intervals to give her potion a stir.
Hermione Granger was up before the birds on this Saturday morning. She had important work to get done before her visitors arrived. Ron had prepared her a hearty breakfast of beans on toast with tea. But she was hungry again.
“BAH!”
Hermione winced at the sound of Teddy’s high-pitched shriek as the door of her makeshift potions lab — the second bedroom in her and Ron’s shared London apartment — opened noisily. Harry and Draco walked in. Ron held back Teddy by the scruff of his neck, stopping him from running into the lab.
“Bah!” screeched the three-year-old playfully. A dimple rippled on Teddy’s cheek as he grinned and flailed in Ron’s arms, trying to reach out to Hermione.
“Wotcher, Hermy!” Harry greeted Hermione, making Teddy giggle. Draco merely nodded stiffly.
“Oh! You’re both early!” exclaimed Hermione. Luckily, Hermione’s potion was finished. She bottled the brew into vials as she, Ron, and Harry chatted. At some point in the conversation, Teddy had somehow ended up clinging onto Draco’s back.
“Thanks for watching them today,” said Harry awkwardly. After the war, Andromeda and Narcissa had re-connected; Teddy had taken a liking to Draco.
The problem: Draco Malfoy was a squib.
For the next four years, instead of Azkaban or house arrest as punishment, a pair of copper bracelets were locked onto Draco’s wrists, sapping away his magic. He was manacled.
As much as Draco enjoyed getting to know Teddy, it wasn’t safe for him to be alone with a rambunctious toddler whose unstable magic sparked up new chaos every day, while Andromeda was at work. As Teddy’s godfather, Harry’d been badgered into becoming Draco’s co-babysitter. It’d been two years now. Harry secretly didn’t mind anymore. Magic-less Draco was fun to torment and more humble than he’d been at Hogwarts. Needless to say, they were bonded for life now. — Basically platonic soulmates. Kind of. But not really.
Today, however, Harry couldn’t fulfill his responsibility to supervise Draco and wouldn’t explain why, so Hermione and Ron had eagerly agreed to babysit Draco and Teddy for the first time. This was important to Hermione and Ron. They had Baby Fever. They needed practice. The garden gnome baby they’d adopted last month had run away days ago. But Teddy and Draco weren’t allowed to run. Excellent.
“It’s no trouble,” said Ron, as Hermione chirped “We’ll take good care of them!”
Draco stared suspiciously at Granger, as if sensing the danger he was in. But Hermione and Ron’s expressions remained grinning.
Danger Granger, as Teddy would say. (Teddy only ever spoke proper English around Draco. — They were family.)
Draco would need to remain vigilant. His squibby senses were tingling; his manacles burned.
“Bye Teddy! Bye Malfoy!” Harry waved goodbye, bolting away faster than Crookshanks avoiding his baby baths. Suspicious, Hermione noted.
“Let’s have tea!” Hermione blurted loudly, as she snuggled baby Teddy to her face, taking a long whiff of fresh baby smell.
Ron ushered Draco, Hermione, and Teddy out of the tiny lab, stealthily slipping two vials into his pockets.
“Malfoy, how is your new place?” Hermione asked politely, as Ron prepared tea and biscuits.
“Fine,” said Draco tersely. He lied. Draco was actually homeless. He’d lived in Daphne Greengrass’s manor and slept on her floor as her part-time gigolo, until Daphne had kicked him out and gotten with Goyle full-time. The closest Draco had for shelter now was the doghouse in Pansy’s backyard.
“Malfoy. Your tea.” Weasley said graciously, as he laid a food platter before Draco. He was the hostess with the mostest.
Draco narrowed his eyes. A Weasley serving him willingly? Something was up. Granger was up to something again.
“Thanks,” he said flatly. Then Draco stood abruptly, face contorting in alarm as he pointed out the window. “Repulsive! Doesn’t that nasty elf know better than to just lie there bleeding to death? He’ll stink up the streets of London!” Draco sneered for good measure.
As predicted, Granger and Weasley’s bleeding hearts scrambled to go rescue the dying elf. Draco swapped his teacup with Hermione’s, and Teddy’s cup with Ron’s, pouring tea from Draco’s old cup into Teddy’s to even out the dosage. Draco suspected that his and Teddy’s teas were drugged. He was no fool.
Draco sat down right before Ron and Hermione re-entered.
“We couldn’t see any elves,” Granger sulked. Weasley looked forlorn.
“Someone snatched away our boy before we could save him!” Weasley hit his fist on the table in powerful anger. Draco internally gagged at watching Granger swoon. Yuck. Their couple name was probably something gross like Greasley. Or Wanger.
Draco ignored the lonely pangs of his heart, a reminder that even Goyle was more lovable than him.
“Draco! Teddy!” Granger chided. “Drink your tea, it’ll go cold.”
Draco raised his teacup, pinky out. “A toast?”
Granger, Weasley, and Teddy raised their teacups, without pinkies. Those barbaric loafers. Draco started off with the first toast.
“To friends and family!”
“To good biscuits!”
“To babies!”
“Bah!”
Draco sipped his tea, watching Ron, Hermione, and Teddy sip theirs.
Minutes later…
CRASH!
“Oi! You spilled tea on me!”
“You buffoon! You dropped your cup first!”
“Bah!”
“Don’t call me a buffoon, you buck-toothed bossy beaverface!”
“I’ll call you whatever I bloody want, you weaseling cakesniffer!”
“Bah!”
“WHY ARE WE BLOODY MIDGETS?”
“YOU MESSED UP, RONALD! WHAT DID YOU DO?”
“I don’t bloody remember!”
“I’m hungry!”
“Bah!”
“MUM! HELP!”
“I WANT MY MUMMY TOO!”
Draco Malfoy looked at the scene before him with great dread.
War-heroes Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were now whinging six-year-olds rolling on the ground, pulling each other’s hair. Three-year-old Teddy Lupin was clapping and glurgling something unintelligibly.
Draco was so dead. — Harry was away on vacation. Draco needed to call for backup.
He needed Pansy.