Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They briefly considered hiring a couple of Chocobos, but then decided against it. It would be more fun, they told themselves, to walk through the streets of Sector 5 this way and experience the sleepy and peaceful Midgar, with its steel sky above them that looked like a sky full of stars. In reality, they had no more money on them, having spent it all on food, drinks and a far too expensive sword. If they had actually got the prize money in the Coliseum, they could have hired a helicopter. But as it was, they had to walk. And Cloud wanted Sephiroth to see the beautiful city at night anyway. Maybe then he would see it with different eyes after all.

“Just wait until you see Aerith's house and all the flowers there. I swear you'll never have to leave Midgar again to experience nature once you've seen this!” insisted Zack. He decided that the quickest way to get to bed would be to just stay with Aerith. And Cloud and Sephiroth didn't really have a say in the matter, because Zack had already decided for everyone that they should accompany them on the way to her house.

So they surrendered. Cloud knew very well how nice her home was, as he remembered the first time he'd been there. Back then, when he was her ‘bodyguard’, as she called him. The memory wrapped him like a warm blanket.

Are you still keeping up or shall I carry you, my sleepy little wolf? Cloud could hear Sephiroth purring in his head.

I'm wide awake. And believe it or not, I don't really feel like sleeping yet.

And I'm sure I can think of a few things to keep you awake, he added seductively. If I had my way, we'd never have to sleep again.

Just stop this already, will you? Cloud replied, annoyed, but unable to hide his renewed blush. By now it almost felt like his default mode.

Sephiroth furrowed his eyebrows questioningly, but then continued.

To be honest, you look quite exhausted.

I'm not sure I'm exhausted. I think I'm more disappointed?

And why is that?

Do you really not get it? It's been a tough few months. And then the last few weeks and especially tonight have just been… confusing. In so many ways.

I rather enjoyed them. And don‘t be sad, my wolf, this night is in fact not over yet, Sephiroth said with a smile, and he actually wasn‘t teasing. Cloud responded with an expression that was probably more hopeful than he intended. 

But then Sephiroth continued purring , I rather have the feeling that this is only the beginning.

And there he was again, at his usual teasing jackass level, smirking.

Cloud returned to his disappointed expression and they were silent for a moment. You are really just teasing me, right? Nothing more. He thought to himself. Why did it make him so sad? Did he want Sephiroth to actually flirt with him?

With you it's like flying with the Highwind. And tonight we had so many high points, and then you dropped me on my own, over and over again.

Your metaphors are more confusing than Genesis' ever were. I don't think I understand this.

And I don't feel like explaining at the moment. But I'm not tired. Quite the opposite, actually. I really don't want this night to be over yet.

Sephiroth felt the familiar warm feeling rise in his chest when he saw Cloud's flushed face. Somehow, Cloud always found it much easier to communicate through their link than to speak out the words. Or was it easier because he actually was tired? But the fact remained, that he just told Sephiroth - in his own way - that he wanted to spend more time with him. Sephiroth would understand the metaphor eventually. Regardless, this was not the time to elaborate on the idea.

“Hold on there for a sec,” Cloud gently stopped Sephiroth, holding him by the wrist.

“I know you don't like it when I do this, but…” Cloud raised his hand and halted close over Sephiroth's face.

Before he could protest, warm green glints of light flickered across it. He felt the wound on his face, although already healing, slowly heal completely and finally disappear. The hell house had really gotten to him.

Cloud stroked his thumb over the spot where it had been before. “Better. Much better,” he said with a proud smile. I don't like to see your perfect face disgraced. Did he just say that out loud? His eyes widened and a feeling of confusion crept through his mind. Dammit, he was tired after all. “Ehm ok… let’s move on then.” He scratched his head, averted his eyes sheepishly and walked away. But even if he said it out loud, he didn’t really regret it.

Sephiroth just stood there for a second, speechless, savoring this brief moment of care and adoration, until he followed.

Thank you, he whispered.

Cloud gave him a brief smile in response.

Zack and Aerith walked hand in hand as they animatedly discussed their favorite foods they had that night. Instead, the two men walked casually side by side, sometimes a little farther, sometimes a little closer. And if their arms occasionally touched, it was pure coincidence.

“Hey Spikey, you said earlier that you really made it through the Coliseum with Aerith ? I mean, in the future. Or I mean, in the past. Whatever. You heard me.” 

Cloud nodded in response. He was so proud of this memory that he had to ask Aerith if it would be all right to tell the others that he had been there with her. And since she was quite proud herself, she gave him her permission.

“Heyyy, don't you think I'm capable of fighting these guys?” Aerith said, letting go of Zack's hand and crossing her arms in a demonstrative pose, just like a child.

“Oooh, that's not what I meant! I'm sorry. Of course you're capable of fighting them. But I don't want to see it, I don't even want to imagine it,” he put his arm around her protectively and pulled her close. 

That really must have been a piece of cake for her, Sephiroth said, unable to hide the distrust in his voice.

Oh yeah, I mean, she would probably be able to take on the three of us, Cloud smiled.

Oh yes, I know, his face was petrified now.

“So tell us Cloudy! Why did you go there in the first place?”

“Oh ah... to save a friend.” 

Was Tifa looking for him? Was she missing him, there in Edge? Did the world Sephiroth and he came from even exist anymore? Has it ever existed? And why was Cloud spending less and less time thinking about all this?

“Corneo was holding her captive as a possible future wife, so we had to find a way to get to him to rescue her. And for that we needed sponsors. The deal was pretty simple: win at the Colosseum and we'll take you to Corneo. And yeah, that's the whole story.”

“Mmhmm...” Zack nodded in agreement and thought. And then it finally occurred to him: “Ahaa! So that's why you had to wear the dress this one time, huh? To get on Corneo's famous wifey casting show?!” His blue eyes widened and his face was full of excitement. If he actually had a tail like a puppy, he'd be hitting everyone around him with it right now. “Our Cloudy here undercover, as Corneo's wife candidate?!” Zack burst out laughing.

“Yes. I nailed it! Corneo chose me. And I just want to forget about it. Can you please just shut up and drop the subject now?” Cloud said, more frustrated than ever. Why did he always have to be the center of attention when he hated it so much? “Noooooo! You won?!” Zack almost collapsed.

Wait Cloud, you never told me you went to Corneo like that. And he chose you as his wife? Cloud, I really need to see this.

Never. Shut up!

Zack almost tripped over his own feet, holding his stomach in pain from laughing so hard. Sephiroth couldn't help but give Cloud an admiring look instead of bursting into tears of laughter as well.

Aerith intervened, turning to Zack, “Oh come on, he did it to save a friend, that makes him a hero and we shouldn't make fun of that, should we?”

My sweet little heroine, Sephiroth purred with a smug grin.

Cloud saw the chance and added teasingly, looking at Sephiroth, “Yeah, and I've heard that heroes tend to be pretty meticulous, unconventional and dramatic when it comes to their appearance, right? They use conditioner, take forever in the bathroom, even get manicures and stuff.... So I think I had the image of a hero down pretty well.” Aerith and Zack noticed the side-swipe and both giggled.

Don't you dare, Sephiroth scowled, but did Cloud just openly associate him with the image of a hero again? It somehow made him feel strangely moved and, well… honored. Even if he had in fact just been insulted. When others had called him a hero in the past, he liked to ignore the words, they had no significance. Maybe it was because he had never considered himself a hero, as he had failed in his attempt to save everyone. But when Cloud spoke the word, it was something else. And for a brief moment, he had hope. Hope that he could finally become a real hero, if only for his wolf.

‚Make me’ stop, you oversized, cocky, arrogant house-cat, he quoted the other man triumphantly.

... Not in front of them. You'll have to wait until we get back to the apartment for that.

Cloud felt embarrassed, but couldn’t ignore the warm feeling in his chest. They both smiled mischievously.

After they, and especially Zack, had calmed down and actually ticked off the subject, they walked on for a few more minutes, but the rest of the way was rather unspectacular. Mainly because they were all kind of tired, even if some of them didn't want to admit it yet.

Cloud could feel Sephiroth trying to get into his head and his memories.

You sneaky bastard. That was a stupid bet and you yourself admitted that you didn't play fair. I'll never let you see this. A grin crossed his face.

Very well, my wolf. Maybe my imagination is even better than reality, he replied, being tired himself and not wanting to argue. 

You're imagining me in a dress right now?

... Maybe.

Whatever, man.

They walked on and were silent for a moment until Cloud noticed Sephiroth's overly satisfied and dreamy expression. He had to know. Am I at least nailing it?

The most beautiful wife-to-be there ever was in Wall Market.

Neither of them could stifle a giggle.

“So here we are!” Aerith declared, spreading her arms, turning demonstratively in a circle and welcoming her companions in front of her house. “My mother must be asleep, so unfortunately we can't all go inside. But we'll make up for it another time!”

Aerith then immediately began to direct Sephiroth's gaze to the garden and began to talk about the various flowers. Still trying hard to keep the flower in the apartment healthy and growing, he actually listened attentively to everything she said.

An oversized house cat and a flower boy. I'm really not ashamed to have worn a dress anymore when I look at you.

Sephiroth glanced back at Cloud angrily for a moment, but didn't reply. He was really serious about this subject.

“How many different types of flowers are there? Can you show them to me?”

“Oh, I can show you a small fraction, but that's nothing compared to the variety of plants that grow on this planet. Or... used to grow. I don't really know what our planet looks like. But you must have been all over the world, right? You must know so many more flowers than I do,” she said, smiling at him kindly. 

“Hmph,” he groaned in response. A feeling of shame spread through his chest, because it was true. He had traveled all over the world, and yet he had never taken the time to observe the nature around him, always focusing on the missions at hand, as he was required to do. Just this once in Nibelheim, as Zack, Tifa, two troopers and he hiked up Mt. Nibel, he soaked up the view and the smell of the clean air, savoring the warm sunlight on his face. It was the first time he'd ever done that, and the last.

Until recently.

“But I can show you my prettiest little treasures!” Aerith took Sephiroth's arm and dragged him to the small hill in front of her house.

--------------

Cloud watched the two of them on their way to the small hill where she had told Cloud long ago not to fall in love with her.

It was still strange to see them together. Aerith, Cloud's past, who had been killed by the silver demon. And next to her, Sephiroth, whom he had killed three times himself. Sephiroth, his present and future... Great Gaia, what?! he shouted at himself, shaking his head with wide eyes as a warm feeling rose in his chest. Okay, he must be incredibly tired after all. But he couldn't take his eyes off them.

Aerith knelt down, as did Sephiroth. And they began a lively conversation.

In the meantime, however, Zack saw his chance to finally talk to Cloud.

“Okay, be with me for a minute now, will ya?”

“Yeah sure, I'm here,” still looking intently over at Sephiroth and Aerith.

“Physically yes, but mentally?” Zack tapped Cloud's head.

“Sorry, I'm here, Zack,” finally turning his body to look at Zack. He put his hand on Cloud's back and pushed him slightly to the side, just far enough that Aerith and Sephiroth were now out of sight.

“Honestly, man, there's no denying the tension between you two. You guys should really talk about it. We all know, I think, except you two. Or maybe it's just you who doesn't know. Great Gaia, even the other SOLDIERs and the secretaries know. Just let go of whatever's holding you back and let it happen, you'd be doing us all a favor.”

“There's nothing Zack,” Cloud said exhaustedly. He was tired of thinking and talking about it.

“Don't start with that 'there's nothing' crap. I'm not listening to that!” Cloud was genuinely surprised, because he had never heard Zack speak in such a serious tone before.

 “Please, talk to each other. Not in a humorous, teasing way, but honestly and seriously.”

“Zack, you know we're not good at this and it's really not that easy.”

“But it could be! It could be really easy. If you just let it happen. Seph makes no secret of it. I mean, he's literally been ‘in your face’ all night.”

“He's just teasing me. And I fight back. It's kind of our thing as you know.”

“That's right, Cloud, your thing! He's never done that to anyone else before. This is the first time I've seen him like this, really happy, relaxed and content. And the way he looks at you, the way you two look at each other... He's overprotective and can't take his eyes off you when I see you together. And you are no different when it comes to him. He really wants to see you happy. Just trust me, I'm good at these sorts of things. He likes you. I mean, really.”

“Yeah... Yeah, I know. But like I said, it's complicated,” he sighed, stubborn as ever.

“And like I said, maybe it doesn't have to be. You should just be really clear about what you want. And then tell him that. Tell him what you want from him and...”

“But I don't even know what I want from him!” Cloud interrupted him and closed his eyes. Zack paused, put a hand on Cloud's shoulder and tried to reassure him.

“Cloud, you may be twenty-four, but around him you act like a teenager having his first crush. You just don't want to admit it. And that's how things get complicated, when you're not honest with yourself. I think if you admitted to yourself what you want from him, how you feel about him, then things would get a lot easier.”

“Whatever, there are just so many things that have happened that haven't been resolved and I can't forget all that.”

“And you don't have to! But you can work on it together. Over time. Not everything has to be sorted out before you can kick things off. You can still get together. And once the tension and uncertainties are gone, you can start working through the rest.”

“Kick things off? Get together? What?” Cloud's stern face turned red again, the shame growing in his chest. He felt caught out.

“Yeah, sure, do I have to say it out loud now? That's what you both want. You want and you need each other, that's as clear as day. You want to be together, and you should . Cloud, honestly. Let go for one night and let it happen. Be happy. And from then on, you can work things out between the two of you, together. But with all this tension, it's not going to happen, ever. So... let go... You both have to.”

Cloud felt defeated. Had Zack just spoken the one thought he had so successfully denied and repressed? Was it really that simple? 

--------------

“The yellow ones are my favorites. I didn't tell you when I gave it to you, but now you know,” she said with her reassuring, friendly smile. But Sephiroth didn't really listen anymore, didn't even look at her. The memory of the hike to Mt. Nibel made him wistful. He looked down at the flowers, his gaze suddenly strangely empty and sad.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she sounded worried and placed her hand on his, which lay in his lap.

“What does the planet think of me now? Has it changed?”

“What do you think of yourself? Has that changed? And besides, is the planet's opinion really that important? Or is it more about what a certain other person thinks of you?” 

How does she do that?

“You just know everything, don't you? You've seen everything, everything I've done.” Sephiroth closed his eyes and squeezed his eyelids together as if he was about to cry. He felt a surge of shame flow through his body and pulled the hand she was holding away, forming it into a fist.

“Let's put it this way, I know enough,” her now empty hand wandered to her chest, exactly where he had stabbed ‘her’ with Masamune.

The two just knelt there, not looking at each other, just staring at the flowers in front of them.

“Then why are you behaving like this? Shouldn't you be doing everything in your power to protect yourself, this planet and, above all, Cloud?”, he asked, sounding angrier than he intended.

“Maybe I should, but... Since I first met you a few weeks ago, when you saved me, you've never once made me feel like this was necessary.”

He tried to convince her, his voice sounding distorted with pain, “You should be terrified to see me, the monster who was about to destroy everything, the nightmare that…” 

“But I'm not.” She interrupted and turned her worried gaze to him. “All I see in this moment is a sorrowful and insecure young man desperately trying to find reasons to hate himself. A man full of grief and sorrow, clinging to a persona he no longer is and never should have been.” She looked at him sympathetically and tilted her head slightly. His gaze was still fixed on the flowers instead.

“But I did all those things, I am that person. No one can deny that.”

“Right, and maybe this part is still somewhere inside of you. But that is neither the person sitting next to me nor the person I got to know during the past few weeks. Take a look at yourself right now. You are not a hateful and cruel man. You are reflective. You are trying everything to keep the ones most important to you safe, and make them happy. And I don’t believe someone is forcing you to do that or that it is against your instincts. You do it because you want to, because you feel close to them… to him.”

“But Cloud can’t forget, he likes to remind me of it. He wants me to regret it all, show remorse, but in the end, it is what brought us here.” He paused, calmed himself a little and then looked at her, a hint of tears in his eyes.

“Please forgive me,” he whispered as he closed his eyes again and tilted his head down.

“But I am so grateful for everything right now. Everything that has happened has brought us here. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. But I don't know what to do. I want to be forgiven, but I don't think he ever can, I am not even sure he ever should. And I don't think I can ever regret anything either, if that is what brought me here in the end, along with him.”

“One step at a time. And Cloud… he believes in you and that there is more to you than you are willing to show at the moment. So why are you still holding on to your strong and steadfast attitude? You're closing off your feelings, suppressing them so as not to make yourself vulnerable. And I mean, how could you behave any differently if that was the only way for you to survive. But I think I was able to catch a glimpse of yet another side of you for a brief moment. A side that has been hidden in the dark for a very long time, waiting to finally show itself again. In the end, maybe you should start forgiving.”

Sephiroth furrowed his eyebrows questioningly. “But there's nothing to forgive. What Cloud did was, at least from his point of view, completely justified.”

Aerith smiled gently. “I'm not talking about Cloud, silly.” Then she became more serious again. “You should start by forgiving the people that raised you. The life they put you in, the monster they made of you, against your will. The love they never showed you. The pain and suffering they made you endure. It will be hard, it will take a lot of effort and time.”

“But they're all gone. How am I supposed to forgive them?”

“Forgiveness is not necessarily something the other person needs from you, but something you agree with yourself. It can give you inner peace and allow you to go on living with less burden. In the end, you may even be able to forgive yourself.”

“Myself?”

“Of course!” She smiled in response.

“I don't think I quite understand.”

“Don't underestimate yourself, I think you understand perfectly. You just don't want to admit it. You're not being honest with yourself. Deep down, there's a part of you that understands, that regrets. But everything that's happened to you has made you successfully suppress that other part to protect it from getting hurt… To survive.” Sephiroth listened intently. “So, to start forgiving, I think that part of you has to come back at some point. And I think Cloud can help you with that, if you let him.” 

--------------

Aerith and Sephiroth stood up and made their way back. Zack and Cloud were standing in front of the house again when Aerith and Sephiroth finally approached from the hill. Even from a distance, Cloud and Sephiroth noticed the now absent joy on each other's faces.

Are you all right, my wolf?

Yeah, yeah... I'm just thinking.

Ah, this again. When will it ever end.

Never? That's what happens when you have a brain, Cloud thought teasingly.

I know, but I can sense there's a lot of confusion.

I can say the same for you.

Hm, so it would seem. I've been thinking a lot lately, too. And been distracted a lot, as you know.

Yeah, and that's just really not like you, getting distracted.

Yes, it's not. But I'm not complaining, my wolf. Especially since the reason for the distraction is so endearing.

Sephiroth looked at him with his now returning, teasing gaze. How was it that he immediately reverted to his calm, strong, seductive behavior when he saw Cloud? Surely that couldn't really just be a defense mechanism? No. No, he really enjoyed it, and meant it. Cloud on the other hand didn't fight back, just looked at him calmly.

Zack finally broke the silence when Aerith and Sephiroth were close enough: “So Seph, did you learn anything new?”

“Indeed,” Sephiroth looked at her, a grateful smile on his face.

“My flower really couldn't be in better hands,” she smiled back at him.

“Shall I tell you everything down to the last detail?” he asked Zack, putting on his best villain grin, knowing full well that the other man just wanted to sleep.

“Aaaah maybe another time,” Zack tried to wave him off. “Okay guys, it's been a blast! I really need to go to bed now. You'll both get home okay?” said Zack, followed by a loud yawn.

“Yeah, me too. I had a wonderful evening with my three SOLDIER bodyguards here!” added Aerith cheerfully.

Aerith made her way over to Cloud to give him a big hug. Zack, meanwhile, gave Sephiroth a fist bump while bidding him goodnight. She whispered in Cloud's ear, “Zack's right, you know. Make up your mind what you want and then get started on it. You can figure out the rest along the path."

“What path?”

“The path of life, silly!” She hugged him tighter. “You'll be fine, both of you.”

He couldn't help but let the words sink in. A whole life together with Sephiroth? No. No, that couldn't be a serious thought. But why was he smiling? And didn't it seem like a reasonable amount of time to get him to like humanity and this planet after all? Was it worth trying? Pure self-sacrifice, of course, and not at all self-serving. Dammit, why did that thought make him so excited all of a sudden?

“And you, thank you, sir!” she leaned forward to hug Sephiroth, just as she had done with Cloud. And then she whispered, “Talk to him, not provocatively or flirtatiously, but genuinely. He needs it, he needs you, the real you. And once you start, he'll come to you. I just know it.”

Meanwhile, Zack stepped into the doorway and winked at Cloud as she said, “Good night Cloudy.”

Finally, after they had all said their goodbyes and Aerith and Zack had gone inside, Sephiroth led the way with an outstretched arm, “So my wolf…” then resting his hand on his own chest, “...let us go home then.”

“Tell me, how does it feel? I have no home, so I wouldn’t know.”

Suddenly the memory flashed through Cloud's mind, the image of the Nibelheim sign and Sephiroth in front of it, placing his hand on his own chest as he asked the question. This man had really never experienced anything normal in his life, he thought to himself. But had he finally found a home? Was this home their apartment where they lived together? Was Cloud the reason he called it that? Did he perhaps now know what it meant to be home?

“Yeah, let's go home.”

Chapter Text

The train ride was fairly quiet at first, the two men sitting next to each other just talking about the fights in the Coliseum, the food and Cloud's new sword, knowing full well that there were other people on the train staring at them.

“You know, if you keep eating like you did tonight, you're going to get fat eventually”, Cloud teased.

“Are you serious now?” Sephiroth laughed in response. “You do realize that I know exactly how many calories I eat throughout the day. And if the amount is too high...” he leaned over and purred in Cloud's ear, ”...it just means we need to exercise more.”

“Okay, you know what? You've finally done it.” Cloud slumped back in his seat, defeated.

“I'm not sure I can follow your muddled thoughts.”

“I give up, you finally won.”

“Which victory are you referring to specificaly?” he asked with an overly smug grin.

“I think the only way to get a few minutes of peace and quiet from you is to just let it happen.”

“Let what happen?” He leaned over to Cloud.

The two men now completely ignored the other passengers in their carriage.

“You know...” he interrupted deliberately to further fuel the tension. “...To give you what you so desperately want.” 

Sephiroth couldn't help but blush. “And what's that supposed to be?” he asked excitedly, his eyes widening, almost childlike, just like Zack.

“Oh, I think you know…”, Cloud’s pitiful attempt to sound as seductive as Sephiroth.

“Cloud, what are you talking about?” He was almost in Cloud’s face now. 

And then Cloud used their link. 

And let Sephiroth enjoy a night at the Honeybee Inn.

He leaned back, his eyes widened and his mouth opened. With that look on his face, which seemed a little silly, he continued after a few moments: “Cloud, I didn't know you were such a talented dancer.”

They both giggled, and Cloud actually enjoyed remembering that night.

“I can't believe I've never been to this place, it's just hilarious. Just look at all the pathetic old men in the audience, not knowing whether to look at the girls or you.”

Sephiroth burst out laughing and doubled over, holding his stomach and closing his eyes. And not even when he talked via their link could he get a clear sentence out.

Please... can I have a... private show sometime? Would you... dance for me... my little wolf?

Cloud couldn't help but be infected by his laughter, but at the same time he was so charmed by the way Sephiroth expressed his honest joy. He had never seen him laugh like that before, it was so human... and so mesmerizing.

Some of the other passengers on the train were annoyed or confused, some were frightened at the sight of the unequal duo, both with ridiculously oversized swords parked next to them, writhing with laughter, talking nonsense. The first of them actually left the wagon and went into the next one.

Back in Cloud's memories, the transformation finally happened. But when Sephiroth saw the result, he couldn't hide his disappointed expression.

"Oh come on, I finally let you see this and now you're looking at me like that? You've wanted to see this for so long! You should be overly satisfied.”

"Yes, I should be, but... It turns out my imagination was better after all."

“Do I want to know what you imagined?” 

“Let me tell you this much: The dress I made you wear was a little... more revealing.” 

“You are so weird”, Cloud smiled, shaking his head.

“I know, that’s only one of the things you like so much about me”, he shot back, overly smug.

Like about you... Cloud thought to himself, and then he recalled Aerith’s words from years ago, “There's liking and then there’s liking…”

When the last of the other passengers finally left the train or moved to another carriage, only the two men were left. Cloud, tired as he was, rested his head on Sephiroth's shoulder guard and crossed his arms with him. He didn’t really think, it just felt… natural. 

Remembering the time on the couch in the apartment, when Zack came over for the movie night, Sephiroth gently pushed a blond strand behind Cloud's ear. At that moment, he realized that Cloud had chosen him as his haven of peace. Although Zack had been sitting on the other side, Cloud had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He chose him , even if perhaps only subconsciously. But right now it was a deliberate decision, the crossed arm was proof of that.

The reflection in the window of the train opposite them reminded him of the last time he saw Cloud and himself together in a mirror, in his bathroom, many weeks ago. But the image was very different then. His wolf was unconscious, broken and covered in blood. Sephiroth was holding him in his arms, but for all the wrong reasons. Reasons that he himself was responsible for. 

But that was then, and this is now. When did the source of terror become Cloud's retreat? Was this all real? The reflection he saw now was just… right. It was… perfect. Sephiroth was overcome by a feeling that was so incredibly soothing and exciting at the same time that he had to close his eyes to indulge in it completely. His Cloud snuggled up to him again. He felt so appreciated that he could hardly bear it. And how he wished he wasn't wearing his uncomfortable pauldrons and thick leather coat right now, because they prevented him from feeling Cloud's warmth on his skin. And he longed for that touch so much. Since it happened for the first time a few days ago, he craved to hold him again. He wanted it so badly that it hurt. To close this distance he held Cloud's crossed arm with his hand and laid his head against his wolf's. Their legs touched as well. Completely content, both men almost fell asleep.

Keeping his eyes closed Cloud mumbled, “Did you know I always thought you looked like an angel? I mean, yeah, you have a wing and all, but... I mean… even without it. My silver angel.” He adjusted his arm a bit to lean more comfortably against the taller man. Sephiroth swallowed nervously and didn't know what to say, so he didn't even try and let the words echo in his head. My silver angel… Perfect face… Hero… Is this an illusion? It was just too much. He was so overcome with emotion that he felt dizzy.

You know what happens when you get too attached to someone... a voice in his head whispered mockingly.

No, not Cloud. He won’t leave me. He… he just won’t … His grip around Cloud’s arm tightened and he focused on the scent of Cloud’s - his - shampoo and the feeling of his hair against his cheek. 

A few minutes later the train finally reached its destination, the Shinra building. “Oh, finally here.” Cloud lifted his head carefully from underneath Sephiroth’s, pulled his arm from him, stood up and left the train. Sephiroth remained seated with his eyes closed, as he just needed a few more moments to calm down again. When Cloud noticed this, he returned and said, “Hey Sephiroth, did you fall asleep? Come on, we're home.” Hearing him saying his name, reality caught up with him again and he stood up and followed Cloud. As he did so, he made sure his silver bangs hid his face a little so Cloud wouldn't notice his glazed eyes.

They walked in silence through the lobby to the elevator, Sephiroth slowly getting back to normal, while Cloud was lost in his thoughts again. What was ‘home’, anyway? Did he even know it himself? Did he know what that feeling was? Had he felt it as a child in Nibelheim? Had he felt it in Edge?

--------------

As they entered the elevator, Cloud finally broke the silence. 

“You know, I think it would suit you too.” 

“What?”

“A dress. I mean, you already have the hair, the eyelashes, the silhouette with your coat and wasp waist, and the manicured fingers...”. Cloud looked at the gloved fingers as he held up the other man's hand. “I wonder what they'd look like if they had some color,” he teased him. Sephiroth smiled and responded by intertwining their fingers, establishing a firm but gentle grip. They didn't let go for the rest of the elevator ride, nor as they walked down the hall to the apartment. Only when they entered and closed the door behind them did they let go to rid themselves of their gloves, swords, boots and pauldrons. Completely fatigued, they both simply threw their things on the floor, only the swords were carefully and thoughtfully leaned against the wall. Cloud trotted into the middle of the room and then stopped. Sephiroth couldn't help but notice the sudden tension in Cloud's body. And in his mind. His wolf wanted to say something, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

“So, my wolf, are you going to retreat or do you finally want me to keep you awake?” he said teasingly. Cloud exhaled annoyed, shaking his head.

“Talk to him, not provocatively or flirtatiously, but genuinely ” he remembered Aerith’s words.

He tensed and formed his hands into fists, while Cloud still stood in the middle of the room with his back to him.

Just look at you, destroying everything again, a voice in his head humiliated him.

“Cloud?” he asked calmly.

“Yes,” his wolf replied in a trembling voice.

"I really enjoyed tonight. Thank you.”

“Yeah, me too. That was something different, wasn't it? After the time being locked up here."

“Did it feel like that for you? Being locked up?” 

“I mean... I don't know... probably not...” his voice sounded completely exhausted. “I don't know what to say now, Sephiroth...” The tension in his shoulders grew, his hands clenched into fists. Is ‘home’ really a place? Cloud asked himself.

Sephiroth could see the man trembling. “Then don't say anything.”

Sephiroth took a few steps towards Cloud. The smaller man noticed this, but didn't move. He just turned his head a little and glanced over his shoulder, just enough to see Sephiroth slowly approaching. When the taller man finally stood directly behind him, Cloud's breaths became more nervous. And Sephiroth spread his arms, ready to embrace him, finally. But Cloud suddenly took a few steps away from him.

No. What was happening here? There was a tear in Sephiroth's chest, a deep sense of hurt. Had he really rejected his embrace? Now? Only a few days before, he indulged in it. Only moments ago, Cloud snuggled up on him and they held hands. Why now this rejection, after an entire evening of joy and flirting?

“I think if you admitted to yourself what you want from him, how you feel about him, then things would get a lot easier ”,   Cloud remembered Zack’s words, losing a bit of his tension. Nevertheless he was nervous, because he knew the next embrace would be something different this time, he wanted it to be something different. And he just needed a few more moments to make up his mind, sort the words he wanted to say to his silver angel first.

“That's how I 've been feeling all night,” Cloud finally began.

“What do you mean?” he replied confused.

“The ‘Highwind’? You know, all the teasing and flirting, lifting me to the highest heights, but then not going through with it and dropping me on my own."

“You fought back, as usual. Was I supposed to go through with it? Should I have overwhelmed and forced you? I thought we had left that kind of relationship behind us.” Sephiroth sounded more serious than he intended.

“I don't know, it’s just…” he paused.

Sephiroth’s inner voice appeared again, overshadowing all the positive memories of the evening. Do you realize that you just tried to force him to do something again?

He looked away from Cloud. "Hmm. I see now... It was wrong of me to approach you, to force you into another embrace." He took a few steps away from Cloud.

"My apologies. It won't happen again," he said calmly, lost in doubtful thoughts. Have I conjured up something in my head again? Have I created my own delusional fantasy? Is any of this even real?

"No Sephiroth, please... Quite the opposite." Cloud turned and looked at Sephiroth.

"I don't understand, Cloud, what do you want from me?" he said helplessly, shaking his head.

They paused shortly, until Cloud continued.

“I am nervous, and maybe I just need a little push from you.”

"But I'm not going to push you, not anymore. Why are you so nervous?" he furrowed his brow in concern, expecting the worst. 

And when Cloud looked into his bright green eyes and saw the sad expression on his face, he was sure. And to his own surprise, he was now completely relaxed, his shoulders slumped. "Because I finally realized something, or admitted something to myself."

Sephiroth closed his eyes, took a deep breath as he prepared himself mentally. You will leave me now, won’t you? That’s why you have been so kind, this is your goodbye. After a short pause, he continued, “Will you tell me?” Please, Cloud, I need you. Don’t reject me. Please, don’t leave me … he thought to himself. The tension in his body could no longer be ignored.

“Do you remember when we went to Nibelheim? I mean, not recently, but all those years ago? When you said you didn't have a home?”

Sephiroth remembered that day very well. It was the day before everything went down the drain, before his descent into darkness began, before his destiny to destroy everything was finally set in motion. Back then, he couldn't shake the feeling that he had seen this village before. He felt all the time that it was familiar to him. He was worried why, but he couldn't tell his comrades. Still, it made him open up for a brief moment.

In the end, the others didn't know what was going on inside him, no one knew about his inner struggles, his deep feeling of loneliness, his sorrow, his anger, his regrets and the guilt he felt all his life and which he suppressed so successfully, at least outwardly. How were they supposed to know when he hardly ever talked about himself or his feelings? Some even say he seemed cold and lacking in empathy. 

But after all, it was his job to lead. And as a leader, he had to be fearless, reliable and strong. He had to act like the hero that everyone saw in him. And even he himself believed that he could be if he tried hard enough. So he wasn't in a position to talk about “home” or “family” or other emotional things, even if he really wanted to and desperately needed to, more than anything else. That's why he himself dropped the subject back then before it could even come to a conversation.

“Yes, I can remember”, he replied confused.

"At Aerith's house you said: 'Let's go home'. Tell me, do you have a home now ?"

He paused. He thought back to the time when he got his apartment, to the evenings with Angeal and Genesis. Was that a home? And then he looked around, looking at the same apartment as years ago, but this time with dirty dishes on the table, the yellow flower in the shoe by the window, Cloud's and his own boots by the door, their pauldrons, gloves, and Cloud's suspenders strewn on the floor. And his wolf, standing in the middle of the room. A familiar warm feeling crept through his chest, but also doubt.

“I honestly don't know... I never had one... I don't know what it should feel like to have one... How does it feel, Cloud?” They kept looking deep into each other's eyes.

A smile spread across Cloud’s face as he finally knew what he wanted to say.

“It's a place where you feel stronger and more confident” Like our fights in the VR room where you take my skills to another level.
- When you showed me that I can actually be a good mentor?

“A place you don't want to leave.” Like when you locked me in this building, but I didn't feel trapped because of you.
- When I decided to take time off to spend this time with you?

“A place where you feel relaxed, whole and content.” When we shared the ice cream because you knew how much I would enjoy it.
- The first time you held my hand in yours?

The tension slowly left Sephiroth’s body.

“A place that warms you, keeps you safe.” When you rescued me from the labs, washed me, healed me and wrapped me in the towel.
- When I was dying and you rushed to my aid and used your last mana reserves to heal me?

Sephiroth walked cautiously towards Cloud.

 “A place where... A place you miss when you're not there. A place you long for.” The way I missed you when I rode my bike alone and you weren't sitting behind me and snuggling up to me.
- How I missed you when you weren't talking to me and avoiding me?

“It’s supposed to make you feel loved. A place where you belong.” When you held me in your arms when I needed it most.
- When you fell asleep on my shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world for you?

“Hmm,” Sephiroth breathed in relief, standing right before Cloud and restraining himself with all his willpower from forcing Cloud into another embrace again. His hopeful eyes fixed on the smaller man as the apartment around him disappeared. Because it didn't matter. Slowly, everything faded away until only his Cloud stood before him. 

“A place where you could be for the rest of your life without feeling like you were missing anything in the world. Because this place would give you everything you need.” 

Just like you.
- Just like you.

No more words were needed, no more mind-reading, all doubts and uncertainties were gone. It was all there, written in their eyes as they looked at each other. Cloud closed the small gap that still lingered between them and wrapped his arms around the taller man's waist and back. For a very brief moment, Sephiroth just stood there, held his breath and couldn't believe that it finally happened, his Cloud embracing him. He then exhaled and responded by wrapping his arms around the smaller man's back and head, pulling him close and they both closed their eyes. When their arms were in the right position, their embrace tightened until their whole bodies were touching. 

Sephiroth laid his cheek gently on Cloud's head, feeling the soft blond spikes on his face and smelling the scent of his shampoo. The smaller man buried his face in the larger man's chest, listening to his heartbeat, feeling his steady breathing, soaking up that now so familiar scent of leather, soap and sword polish. How he adored it by now. No one can say how long they stood there like that, almost becoming one. 

“Sephiroth.”

“Yes, my wolf?” he replied quietly, barely more than a whisper.

“I...”

Sephiroth loosened his embrace just enough to catch a glimpse of the smaller man. He saw tears rolling down Cloud's face. And he couldn't help but feel one on his own cheek as well. His left hand moved to Cloud's face and he gently wiped away a tear with his thumb. Then his hand wandered to the back of Cloud's neck as he pulled him closer. Finally, their foreheads touched as Cloud looked up and Sephiroth tilted his head down. His silver strands fell around Cloud, enveloping him like a curtain. They both closed their eyes again. And just stood there, as if time itself had stood still. It all felt so right.

Cloud slowly pulled his hands out of the embrace and gripped the collar of the taller man's coat at chest level. Then his left hand traveled up to the back of Sephiroth's neck, mirroring his movement.

“Sephiroth, I...”

Sephiroth's breathing calmed even more, and his wolf's calmed as well. They could feel each other's breath, their mutual warmth and their hearts beating more and more in sync. Cloud then pulled his head away from Sephiroth to look into his red and wet eyes. Both of Sephiroth's hands moved to Cloud's face and held it carefully, as if it were the most precious and fragile thing in the world. My Cloud. Their heads came closer again, with a gentle tug on each other's necks, until they closed their eyes again and their lips finally touched.

The tension in their bodies now returned. Their breathing became heavy as they wrapped their arms around each other again tightly. The world around them disappeared. There was only the two of them, only their kiss, their racing heartbeats and breaths, their embrace. Nothing else mattered.

But Sephiroth suddenly stiffened, pressing his lips firmly against Cloud's, almost hurting him. He began to hold his breath. Was this a trick, a dream, an illusion? Was it even real? Confused, he suddenly pulled his lips back from Cloud's to gain some distance, his face with a most confused expression. He didn't know which of Cloud's eyes to look into. Anxiously, his eyes stuttered from left to right, burning. And then he couldn't help but break down. He couldn't hold it in any longer.

He burst into tears. They burst out of him so violently that he sank to his knees. Cloud held him tightly and kept him from falling any further and collapsing.

“What have I done...” he buried his face in his hands and pressed it heavily against them.

“Hey! Hey, I'm here, I've got you! Sephiroth, what's wrong?!”, and grabbed him by his shoulders to hold him up, completely shocked by what just happened.

After a few moments Sephiroth calmed a little and he let his hands slide to his sides as he settled into his sadness, head bowed. “I always wanted to save everyone. I even wanted to be the hero everyone saw in me... And then... I would have destroyed everything if you hadn't stopped me... I don’t deserve this.”

Cloud felt Sephiroth's fist rise to strike himself again. But he just managed to stop him. He pulled him close and Sephiroth responded by hugging Cloud again and burying his face in the other man's chest.

"No! This is just a trick! Everything will be taken from me! Again!” the anger and sorrow in his voice rose. “And now I don't even have a mother anymore”, he shivered all over.

What? Why didn't you tell me? Cloud asked himself, refusing to use their link at that moment. His arms were now wrapped around Sephiroth's back and head. And Sephiroth was now clinging fiercely to Cloud and tugging at his shirt.

“And you will leave me too. Because that's what people always do. Because you'll never forgive me. And you shouldn't. I don't deserve to be here.”

Cloud could hardly bear the collapse, he was even afraid that Sephiroth wouldn't be able to breathe properly.

“This planet hates me. I'm destined to be alone. Forever.” 

Then Cloud couldn't take it anymore. “But you're not alone, you hear me?! Not anymore.” 

He still didn't quite understand what was going on. “And I'm not just some people, we both aren't, you said it yourself.” 

Cloud took Sephiroth's head in his hands and pulled it from his chest so he could look at him. Sephiroth's eyes were closed, however, and he couldn't return the gaze.

“Hey, look at me!” Cloud said energetically. Sephiroth opened his swollen, red eyes. Cloud had never seen the man like this before, it tore his heart into a thousand pieces.

“I know that you never had the chance to live a peaceful life. Maybe this is the planet's way of finally letting you experience that. Maybe the planet understands that a happy Sephiroth is better than an angry one, that he can be quite lovable. Or maybe it's just that I understand that now. But since I seem to have it in my power, I will try to see you content and protect you. Just as I expect you to do the same with me.”

While Sephiroth was now on his knees, Cloud was the taller man, embracing his silver angel, rescuing him and trying to calm him down. The same Sephiroth who had been on the verge of destroying the world a few months ago was now crying. He wept into Cloud's chest, clutching his former nemesis and nearly tearing his uniform. The same man who believed himself to be a monster, destined to be evil and hateful. The man who exuded control, strength and confidence his entire life was now weak, defenseless and vulnerable. 

“And once you start, he'll come to you. I just know it.” … Realization dawned on Sephiroth's mind when he recalled Aerith’s words. You weren’t talking about Cloud at that moment, were you?

It felt like the weight of the world was finally falling off his shoulders and for the first time in his life he felt safe and understood enough to let go. It was no longer necessary to show strength, to keep calm, to stand his ground. Because Cloud was there. They stood there several minutes, Sephiroth crying, in his wolf's arms, right where he belonged. Cloud held him tightly, never loosening his grip.

And when Sephiroth finally calmed down completely, his face still buried in his wolf's chest, Cloud couldn't stop thinking that this was the perfect moment, because he'd never been so sure. “Sephiroth...” Cloud's lips moved slowly to Sephiroth's ear, resting his cheek gently against the other man's temple, as he whispered

“... I love you.”

They slowly pulled their heads back just far enough so that they could look longingly at each other, until the tears welled up in Sephiroth’s eyes again.

It was the first time in his life, someone spoke these words to him. 

--------------

They both knew that sleeping wasn't an option at this point, so Cloud suggested they rest on the couch instead, at least for now. They didn't care what time it was anyway, but it was still dark outside. 

Cloud sat down normally, while Sephiroth decided to lie on his back and his head on his wolf’s lap. Cloud gently stroked the other man’s head and his angelic hair with one hand, while he placed his other one protectively on his silver angel's chest. He could feel his heartbeat, which was now calm and steady again, like a metronome. Sephiroth placed his hands protectively on Cloud’s in return. Cloud had always wondered what his hair would feel like, and had even blushed when he had thought about it as a kid. And now it just felt like the most natural thing in the world. In return, Sephiroth completely surrendered to the movement, wanting so much for Cloud to return his head rubs and pet him too. His wish came true after all.

“Do you want to tell me what happened to your mother?” Cloud finally began, unable to forget the words Sephiroth had cried out earlier.

“There was an explosion in the reactor. Jenova was destroyed in the event.”

‘Jenova’, not ‘mother’? Cloud thought to himself.

“She's gone.”

Cloud was ready to rescue his silver angel again, should he break down. But Sephiroth made no sign of it, closing his eyes and enjoying Cloud's gentle touch.

“How’re you doing with that?” said Cloud softly, still expecting it to backfire again at any moment.

“I haven't given it much thought, to be honest. In fact, I haven't thought about her at all in the last few days,” he confessed, realizing the thing the moment he uttered the words. 

“You know, it really doesn't surprise me anymore that you had completely given yourself to her. After everything you've been through, growing up in the labs, with that bastard Hojo and all the people around you who abused, hurt and disappointed you. I keep asking myself, if I had been in your shoes, would I have turned out like you? I'm sure now that I only survived all of this because I had loving people around me who saved me,” he explained, watching Sephiroth.

Still with his eyes closed, Sephiroth continued. “I felt very close to Angeal and Genesis back then, but in retrospect we were probably more colleagues than friends. However, there was one man who was different. But that was before Angeal and Genesis. In fact, you remind me of him, I think you always have a bit.”

Sephiroth opened his eyes and then rose from Cloud's lap. He sat down comfortably next to him and stared dreamily at the wall opposite him as he again took Cloud's hand.

“I was 15 when they sent me on my first mission to find a building site for a reactor. It was actually the mission of three others, but it was about to fail. So I was sent in to straighten everything out. Glenn - that was his name - was their leader. And I was sent to replace him. We had a rough start, to put it politely. In fact, he hated me at first. But even though I was their leader and saved them occasionally, later on - after he had accepted the fact that I was now in charge - he treated me like a normal kid. Which I really wasn't. Nevertheless, he saw me as more than just a killing machine. And thanks to him and the other two, I had fun for the first time in my life and felt understood and cared for.”

“What happened?” Cloud changed his sitting position and turned his body completely towards Sephiroth.

“To put it simply: The mission still failed. The entire archipelago collapsed due to a so-called mana torrent. We managed to get to safety just in time, but I couldn't save the last Rhadoran - that's what the people there were called. And I couldn't stop Glenn and the others from abandoning Shinra… and me. But years later we met again and he continued to put his trust in me. And gave me the chance to become a real hero.” He paused and rested his head on the back of the sofa.

“He was shot dead in front of me shortly afterwards.”

Cloud's heart broke, again. He guessed that wasn't the whole story, but it felt wrong to draw it out. At least not now, maybe another time. They had all the time in the world now.

Cloud shifted his position again, almost mirroring Sephiroth, and now looked at the wall as well.

“I want to apologize.”

“What for? You already gifted me chocolate,” his lips slowly formed a small smile again. He turned his gaze to Cloud, who returned his look.

“Nibelheim, when we were there for the first time all those years ago.”

“I don't understand. What do you have to apologize for?”

“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed someone. You know, I actually stayed in the mansion the whole seven days and nights you spent in the basement, but I thought... I thought 'who am I to be there for you?' I was a nobody, pathetic, scared even to meet the people I knew in this town. And I just didn't know what to do, and neither did Zack. So I keep wondering if there was anything I could have done to help. And, to be honest, I always felt a little bit responsible for what happened because of that.”

Sephiroth abruptly let go of Cloud's hand. “What happened in Nibelheim has nothing to do with you! Don't even think such thoughts,” he said deadly seriously.

Clouds tilted his head down as they were both silent for a moment.

Then Sephiroth continued, “But I apologize for… everything I've done. All the hurt, all the pain, all the destruction I caused. I... I am sorry.”

“You are?” Cloud asked skeptically.

He paused for a moment. „I think so, yes. But this feeling is kind of new. Or rather, kind of old I suppose? I can’t remember what it meant. Maybe I need a bit more time to fully understand it.“ 

„Yeah… Yeah probably. But I am here, and ready to hear the words whenever you know what they mean. And I will continue to help you with that“, Cloud replied encouragingly. After a short moment of silence he continued, “The irony is that all of that brought us here in the end,” he spoke, leaning over to Sephiroth, smiling. 

And I don't want to be anywhere else.

They looked deep into each other's eyes as Sephiroth slowly pulled Cloud closer by his neck. Again, their foreheads touched first until their lips met. Cloud shifted his position and swung his left leg over Sephiroth so that he could now sit on his lap. Their lips did not lose contact. Both opened their mouths a little so that their tongues could come into play. They desired each other so much that their breathing became heavier and heavier. 

Cloud's hands moved to the taller man's chest. Gently, he slid the collar over Sephiroth's shoulders and the heavy leather slowly down his arms until he had completely freed him from his infamous black cloak. He couldn't ignore the muscular arms, the arms that carried him when he was too broken to walk, the arms he could fall into. The arms that gave him a sense of security he had never felt before. 

Sephiroth's hands slowly pulled the smaller man's shirt out of his waistband, while his fingers moved under the fabric and gently touched Cloud's bare skin on his back. Goose bumps spread all over his body. Cloud then raised his own arms above his head so that Sephiroth could remove his shirt. And briefly, their lips parted to do so, but met again immediately when Cloud's upper body was free of the fabric. Cloud then slowly removed the notorious crossed suspenders and finally they were gone too. 

There they were, both shirtless, Cloud sitting on Sephiroth's lap. Their lips parted and they just looked at each other, full of admiration for their counterpart.

Sephiroth couldn't help but stare at the scar on Cloud's chest again. He let his fingers glide over it, but again did not touch it.

“You may,” Cloud whispered. He hesitated for a moment, but then Sephiroth anxiously touched the skin, thinking back to the time when he had inflicted it on Cloud. Then he winced and pulled his hand away, as if the touch had burned him.

“I'm so sorry,” he expressed painfully.

“Maybe it won't hurt so much if I touch yours too.” 

Without a second's hesitation, Sephiroth spread his arms, completely defenseless, without armor, cloak or suspenders. Cloud slowly let his hands wander to the ridiculously large scar, which he still couldn't believe he hadn't recognized before. He gently stroked it with his fingertips while a feeling of shame overcame him. How could he disfigure this divine body with this hideous scar? 

Sephiroth suddenly looked far too pleased. “We left our marks on each other so long ago. You made me yours, and I made you mine. That's exactly where it all started.” Cloud could feel himself being drawn to him more and more, wanting to melt into his silver angel. Their foreheads were now touching again.

“Do you know how twisted, ridiculous and insane that sounds?” Cloud replied teasingly.

“Yes, my wolf, and I know you like it,” he purred back with a grin.

Cloud hesitated for a moment as he suddenly felt an unfamiliar sensation in his mind and body. “Are you messing with my head again?”

Sephiroth whispered slowly. “No, Cloud. As I said a few days ago, that requires deeper penetration.”

Cloud let out a short, embarrassed laugh and finally stood up.

Sephiroth was briefly unsure whether he had ruined the moment. But Cloud slowly made his way to Sephiroth's bedroom. On the way there, he undid both belts of his trousers. As he stood in the doorway, he glanced over his shoulder at the taller man, who now also rose from the couch and let himself be drawn to Cloud like a magnet. He closed the door behind them.

Chapter Text

It was early in the morning when Sephiroth suddenly woke up in a cold sweat, the sun was already rising. He wasn't sure whether the sheets were still damp from the things that had happened here with his wolf before or from the nightmare he just had. His movements were so jerky that Cloud, who was lying next to him, was also woken up by them. They both sat up.

“What's wrong Sephiroth?” he asked, completely dazed.

Sephiroth anxiously looked at Cloud's face. “There are still so many things that need to be sorted out. Shinra is still destroying the planet. The President still sees me as his property. Avalanche is still a threat. I still don't know if Genesis is still out there, and what he's up to.” His head tilted down, his voice sounding pained. “And then there's you, who won't forgive me.” He anxiously took Cloud's hands and kissed them. “Please, you can't leave me, not after everything that's happened.”

His breaths suddenly became shorter, he began to tremble “Cloud please... please don't...” Cloud was wide awake now as Sephiroth's eyes flickered and he almost fainted. He took Sephiroth's hand, placed it on his own chest and breathed slowly and demonstratively.

“Feel my breath, try to find my rhythm.”

Sephiroth continued to shake, his eyes wide open, not blinking once. “Cloud I... I... What... This feels... Worse than dying...”

Cloud replied very calmly, “You're having a panic attack. Focus on my breathing.”

Do it. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's good. We got this. I got you.

His breathing slowly became more stable, and little by little he began to blink again. The color returned to his face. It took a few more minutes before he was finally back to normal. But there was still this deep fear inside him that he had to address: “I do not want you to just stay with me because you are afraid I will lose it again.”

“I’ll be there to guide you. And I expect the same from you when it comes to me and my... stubbornness and strange habits. And honestly, I've seen another side of you tonight that I've never seen before. And when it comes to that, I'm not afraid at all that you'll lose it again. We just need to make sure that side of you feels comfortable in this world. That you no longer feel the need to hide it.”

Cloud now gently touched Sephiroth's face. The silver angel held Cloud's wrists in return as he continued calmly, “I have a lifetime to convince you otherwise, to teach you that humanity isn't so bad after all. And we have a whole lifetime to try to overthrow Shinra, make the world a better place, play the heroes or whatever comes to our insane minds.”

They paused briefly as their foreheads touched.

“We'll fix things and make things right. We can ... we will find a solution. Together. If that's what you want, too.” Cloud stroked his cheek gently and then kissed him softly and lovingly.

Sephiroth's eyes turned red again, the tension slowly rising. “I am yours. I'll do whatever it takes if it means you won't leave me.”

Cloud held his angelic face tighter now, their heads no longer touching. “I'm not staying with you because you're doing everything you can to keep me, or because you're trying so hard to change and build a new persona for me. I'm staying because I believe this is the real you. The man, the hero, you were before Nibelheim, and that has now finally returned. I am staying because I want to. Because I need you, and I know you need me.”

He loosened his grip a little again and moved to a gentle touch, stroking the side of his face and pulling one of his silver strands behind his ear. He gazed deeply into Sephiroth's bright green eyes, the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. His angel looked back, a longing expression on his face.

"I love you. And I know that you love me, even if you can't say it yet. I know that you do, without a doubt.”

Cloud pulled him closer again so that their heads were touching once more. Both men closed their eyes and Sephiroth let go of the tension in his body and became completely calm again, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“I will not leave you. And while there’s still so much I don't know in this world, at least this is very clear to me: You were right all along. We belong together. We always have. And you and I will never have to be alone again. We are both finally allowed to be home." The words were followed by a tender kiss on Sephiroth's forehead and a warm embrace.

Both men lay down again and Cloud turned his back to Sephiroth while indicating that he should snuggle up to him. Sephiroth did so and wrapped his wolf tightly in his arms. How did Sephiroth do that? He had just rescued his helpless silver angel again, and yet it was he who now made Cloud feel so completely safe in return. It was bizarre, and yet perfect.

“And will you please let me sleep now?” he said, feigning annoyance.

“Says the man who just gave a minute-long monologue,” Sephiroth teased softly, smiling as he buried his face in Cloud's hair, soaking up his scent and indulging in his warmth. After lying there like this for a few moments, however, he couldn't help but let his lips wander to Cloud's neck and kiss him gently. At the same time, he stroked his wolf’s arm softly and slowly, his fingertips making small circular movements. 

His hand then moved on to Cloud's side, goose bumps spreading over his body. He stayed there for a while too, letting his fingers move up and down sensitively. 

Until his hand finally drifted even further down.

“Please... stop”, Cloud moaned, but surrendered completely to the touch.

“Make me”, Sephiroth purred in his wolf’s ear.

Cloud let out a helpless sigh, turned and they looked at each other with naughty grins, knowing full well what was going to happen next.

No, they both got no more sleep that day. 

They had finally arrived home.

---------

For it is not death, but a homecoming.