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Anakin threw his pack down as soon as he entered the rooms he shared with Obi-Wan. He was busy storming off, when Obi-Wan stopped him with a word.
“Anakin,” Anakin stopped, took a very deep breath before turning around.
“Yes master,” he spoke tightly. His control was complete but for the anger that coloured the Force between them.
“You’re angry,” not quite a reprimand, but close.
“No, master,” Obi-Wan looked at him steadily. He reached to brush Anakin’s mind with the Force, and was slammed with immediate resistance.
“Anakin!” Obi-Wan cried, shaking his head to clear it.
“May I be dismissed?” Anakin asked tersely.
“Absolutely not, your conduct is unacceptable,” Obi-Wan replied sternly. “Explain yourself. Such a display is improper for one of our order.”
“There is no excuse for my actions master. I apologize.” Anakin replied, voice still tight with anger.
“That isn’t the answer I requested,” replied Obi-Wan. “If you choose not to participate in this conversation, we will be forced to have it later and there will be additional consequences.” Anakin took a long, deep breath.
“I’m sorry, master,” he began, preservation instincts overriding his anger. “I did not intend to block you so forcefully.” Obi-Wan nodded and folded his arms.
“I’m listening.”
“I- I was angry with you,”
“Because you lost your sparring match?” Obi-Wan asked.
“Yes, master,” Anakin’s temper flared again, “my opponent and I were not evenly matched. He wiped the kriffing floor with me!”
“Anakin,” he didn’t know how Obi-Wan could put so much meaning into a single word.
“It’s true!” Anakin was practically shouting, “I didn’t have a damn chance against the stupid son of a bantha.”
“Anakin, you are still being inappropriate.”
“I don’t care,” Anakin yelled back, “You deliberately humiliated me! You chose him on purpose. What could I possibly have done to deserve that?” Obi-Wan took a deep breath, not allowing himself to answer Anakin on the terms he was demanding, best to wait him out. “If you hate me so much, you should’ve just left me on Tatooine with my mother,” Obi-Wan raised both eyebrows, manifestly unimpressed. His decision to remain uninvolved flew out the window.
“It’s not too late to arrange a transport,” Obi-Wan remarked dryly. He wondered how other masters dealt with such outbursts. He reflected that anyone raised by the Jedi likely wouldn’t have these problems. No one could raise his ire quite the way Anakin could. He inhaled slowly. A padawan, especially an angry teenage padawan was the ultimate test of patience.
“Would you stop breathing and just talk to me?” Anakin shouted. “Do you hear anything I say to you?”
“I hear everything you say to me, Anakin. Most of it is beneath both of our dignities and unworthy of comment. Sixteen is too old to be throwing tantrums,” he had expected Anakin to be angry. He hadn’t expected Anakin to be this angry. An ominous creaking caught Obi-Wan’s attention. “Anakin-” he began too late. The glass doors to the balcony shattered, spraying them both with glass. “Control yourself Anakin,” Obi-Wan shouted. The Force was moving in boiling, turbulent waves around them. Obi-Wan hoped the disturbance wasn’t large enough to be felt throughout the temple, but he suspected it was. Anakin gasped and fell to his knees. Beads of sweat were running down his face, dripping onto the pristine floors.
“I’m sorry, master,” he wheezed. The Force was calming and though he would not touch their personal connection, Obi-Wan could feel the sincerity of Anakin’s words.
“This is unacceptable, Anakin, even for you.” Obi-Wan noted with some concern that his apprentice was practically hyperventilating with his effort to control his effect on the Force around them. “Why are you so angry?” He asked gently, almost in spite of himself. “Did it never occur to you that I might be trying to teach you something? If you cannot learn to control yourself and commune peacefully with the Force, you have no place at this temple.” Anakin’s face when he looked up was bloody from shallow cuts. His eyes were huge and Obi-Wan felt a pang.
“I- I’m so sorry master. I know it isn’t enough.” Anakin was on the verge of tears, certain he would be sent away and disgraced. He knew he deserved it. Obi-Wan knelt next to his padawan.
“You’re right, it isn’t. Your connection to the Force is strong Anakin; you must learn to contain yourself. Losing a sabre exercise is not the end of the world. Come, we’ll meditate on it and you can tell me what you’ve learned when we’re done.”
They sat in lotus position and began, breathing deeply. Obi-Wan found his centre quickly, then reached to Anakin with the Force. He could easily feel the turbulence of his young learner’s emotions, but Anakin made no move to block his master.
“There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.”
Obi-Wan sent the mantra through the Force. “There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no passion, there is harmony.” He repeated, hoping that the stubborn child would get the message. Obi-Wan stilled, hearing a strange noise. After a few moments he realized that Anakin was sniffling. The sounds tore at his heart, but he let the feeling pass over him. To be soft was to encourage this behaviour and it was imperative Anakin control his anger before it consumed him and someone was seriously hurt.
It was several hours later when Obi-Wan roused himself from his trance. He looked at Anakin who had fallen soundly asleep. He reached across the square table to tug on Anakin’s braid. Obi-Wan waited until Anakin had rubbed the sleep from his eyes and was moderately alert before prompting him.
“Well?” He asked softly. Anakin made a confused noise.
“Oh, I’m sorry master. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Obi-Wan prompted him patiently.
“Right,” Anakin cringed and shut his eyes, “My actions today were beyond offensive and I beg forgiveness for my lack of control.”
“But what did you learn, Anakin? What are you afraid of?” Obi-Wan was exasperated. Anakin faltered.
“I’m- I’m afraid that I won’t live up to your expectations, master,” he stared at the floor, stubbornly resisting Obi-Wan’s gaze. “I am not the person you want me to be.” Obi-Wan sighed. This was exactly the answer he had not hoped for.
“Anakin it does not matter who I want you to be. Today’s lesson wasn’t about failure, it was about humility. You must have the grace to accept that in some situations, even your best will not be enough. You cannot win every battle padawan.”
“I don’t understand,” Anakin replied almost desperately.
“Then you had best spend the rest of the night meditating on it,” Obi-Wan replied evenly as he stood. “I do not want you to brood, or feel shame regarding this,” he informed his padawan, “it is merely a lesson like any other. You must discover what you truly fear and how to release it. Acknowledge this pain and let it flow from you without ruminating, then you will understand. You may sleep when you are done.” Obi-Wan stretched and yawned theatrically. “Best learn sooner than later. We rise at the fifth hour and it is already late. Besides, you’ll be fixing that door,” he pointed, “as early as I can requisition a replacement.” Anakin bowed his head.
“Yes, master, thank you.” His penitence made golden ripples in the otherwise easy Force. Obi-Wan frowned, then squeezed Anakin’s shoulder before retiring.