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While the women cooked dinner, the men had hushed business discussions in the dining room. The kids were crammed in the living room together.
Janice sat wedged in a Tony sandwich on the couch while they watched football. She was only subjecting herself to being with them because she refused to help the women cook like some trainee Jersey housewife.
The Tonys yelled at the TV.
“Move over!” Janice elbowed Tony B because he kept knocking into her.
“Get fucked! You’re twice the size of me.”
“What did you just say?!”
“Look in the mirror sometime…”
“Least I don’t look like Ichabod Crane!” She shoved him.
“Oh!” Tony B gestured at what had just happened. “You see that?!” he yelled over to their fathers in the dining room. “She just shoved me!”
“Daddy, he called me fat!”
“She called me Ichabod Crane!”
“Both of youse shut up before I make you shut up!” Johnny yelled back.
“I didn’t do nothing, it was all her!”
“Anthony, you wanna eat your dinner through a straw?” Al threatened. “Don’t be a fuckin’ rat!”
Both kids went quiet to avoid being hit.
“Asshole,” Janice whispered at Tony B.
“Bitch,” he whispered back.
“Piece of shit.”
“Cunt.”
“I’m tryna watch the game here.” Tony gestured at the TV.
“Why you even in here anyway?” Tony B asked her. “Shouldn’t you be in there cooking with the women?”
Tony was amused by that. “Trust me, you don’t want her near the kitchen.”
“Why?”
Janice had a smug smile. “I can’t cook.” She’d refused to learn.
The doorbell rang and both of them looked at her because she was the woman.
“Nope.” She crossed her arms and stayed right where she was.
The doorbell rang again.
“Janice, answer the door!” Johnny yelled over to her.
Janice sighed angrily and went to let Junior in. “Happy thanksgiving, Uncle Jun,” she said unenthusiastically.
“It’s thanksgiving all right, but you don’t sound too happy bout it.”
“Happy thanksgiving, Uncle Jun.”
“Yeah, happy thanksgiving.” He walked to join the men in the dining room and leaned in close to Johnny to whisper. “You spoke to Ercole yet?”
“With those stunattas in the background?” Johnny whispered back. “They’d have to sedate the poor fuck.”
Janice regretfully sat back down between the Tonys.
Christopher came downstairs after being sent on a task by Tony B. “I can’t find the football nowhere.”
“Check out in the yard.” Tony B didn’t look away from the TV. There was no football.
He was about to go to the yard but paused. “Where’d my mother go, she in the kitchen?”
The three on the couch awkwardly glanced at each other.
“She, uh…” Tony came up with a lie. “She had to go to work.”
“But they ain’t open on thanksgiving?”
“They changed the rules this year.”
“Well when’s she coming back?”
Nobody knew the answer to that.
“Come sit here, Chrissy. We’ll find the football later.” Tony B gestured at where Janice was.
“I’m sat here!”
“So get up.” He motioned for her to leave.
“No way! This is my seat.”
“Janice, his mother got called into work on thanksgiving…” Tony ganged up on her. “Give the kid a seat.”
“Give him your seat if you care so much.”
“He wants to sit next to me! I’m his cousin.”
“I’m his cousin too.”
“Yeah but he likes me!”
“He likes me too! Don’t you, Chrissy?”
They all looked at him and he chose not to answer.
The Tonys started chuckling.
“That look like the face of a kid who likes you?”
“We don’t have a football!” Janice threw Tony B under the bus. “He’s just fucking with you.”
“Oh!” Tony B looked aghast. “That ain’t true, Chrissy!”
“He does it all the time!” Janice spoke over him.
“No, I don’t!”
“Look!” Tony gestured at Christopher. “You upset him now! You proud of yourself, Janice?”
“I’m not the one who sent him looking for a football that doesn’t exist!”
“Don’t listen to her, Chrissy!” Tony B didn’t want to lose his favorite pastime. “She’s just being a bitch!”
Johnny came into the room with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. “What are youse, deaf or fuckin’ retarded? I said knock it off!”
“It’s her fault.” Tony B pointed at her.
“Anthony, stop being a fuckin’ rat!” Al yelled.
“Janice, what you doing now?”
“I didn’t do anything, daddy! They’re tryna make me give Chrissy my seat.”
Johnny looked at Christopher, then back at Janice - favoring him because he was Dickie’s son and a boy. “Give Chrissy your seat.”
Tony B chuckled.
She shot to the edge of her seat in disbelief. “What?! I was here first!”
“And the Indians were here first but you don’t see them sitting on my couch!”
“Topical humor. Nice.”
“Anthony, shut your mouth!” Even Johnny was irritated by Tony B. “I shoulda kicked you outta here already for ratting on your cousin.”
“…Sorry, Uncle Johnny.”
Johnny focused back on the main issue. “Janice, give the kid his seat.”
“How is it his seat? I’m sat in it!”
“…He can have my seat,” Little Barbara timidly offered from the armchair.
Everyone had forgotten she was there.
“You wanna sit there, Chrissy?” Johnny asked.
“This is so unfair!” Janice couldn’t believe that was even a question. “She offered, I didn’t!”
“You have my seat then, Janice.” Barbara just wanted the yelling to stop. “I’ll sit on the floor.”
“I’m not moving, I was here first!”
Johnny gestured for Janice to shut up and looked down at Christopher. “Where you wanna sit, kid?”
Christopher pointed at the Tonys.
“Your mother’s not at work!” Janice took it out on the 8 year old. “She’s out getting–”
The Tonys and Johnny exclaimed.
“What?” Christopher glanced between them all. “Where is she?”
“Jesus Christ, Janice.” Tony shook his head, looking disgusted with her.
“Was that really fuckin’ necessary?” Tony B acted like he wouldn’t have done the same.
Christopher was getting worried by how shady everyone was acting. “Where’s my mother?”
“Janice, you tell the kid his mother’s at work or you’re not getting no dinner!”
“Great, teach your kids to lie…” Janice said sarcastically. “What a role model.”
Johnny grabbed her by the arm and yanked her off the couch. “You’re going up to your room and you ain’t coming out there til tomorrow!”
“Ow-uh!” She pulled her arm away from him.
“Get up those fuckin’ stairs, Janice!” He held the back of his hand up to threaten her.
“Oh, believe me. I’m going.” She gave him a passive-aggressive smile before she went upstairs.
“…Where’d my mother go?”
The three of them looked at him awkwardly.
“Hey, look at that.” Johnny pointed across the room. He walked away while everyone was distracted looking in that direction.
Junior had been watching from the dining room. “I guess now you know whether they’re deaf or retarded after they fell for that shit.”
Tony gestured for Christopher to come over to them. “Come watch the game.”
He sat between them. “Why’d my ma leave me if she ain’t at work?”
“She is at work, I told you.”
“But Jan–”
“Ignore her, she’s hysterical,” Tony B piled on the sexism.
They sat and watched it for a while.
Janice came downstairs carrying a bag and headed straight for the door.
“Oh, where you going?” Tony asked.
“Away from here.”
Tony shuffled to the edge of his seat. “Where to?”
“As far away as I can get from this fuckin’ state.”
“You’re leaving Jersey?” He looked worried.
“Yeah. And if you got any sense, you will too.” She opened the door and left.
He followed her out the door, feeling his breathing getting shallower. “You’re just gonna leave?! Just like that?”
“Just like that?” She raised her eyebrows. “You try living a day in my shoes and see how long you stay, Tony.”
“How long you going for?”
“Forever.”
“But- but Janice, Ma!” His heart was racing. “You can’t just fuck off and leave me here to deal with her shit alone!”
“You’ve got dad, Tony. And he doesn’t treat you like a maid.”
“But Janice–” He put a hand on the wall because he felt dizzy. “Janice, ma– You can’t– She–”
She didn’t have the patience for his labored breathing. “What about her?”
“What about her? She’s fuckin’ ma!”
Janice couldn’t sacrifice her own wellbeing for his. “Goodbye, Tony. And I’m serious, if you got any sense, get outta this place as quick as you can. They’re just gonna drag you down with them.” She walked away and didn’t step back into the house until the year 2000.
“Janice, you can’t leave me here with her!” He was too lightheaded to follow her. “Janice, come back!”
She didn’t turn around.
“What the fuck…?” Tony stumbled back inside, looking like the world was crumbling around him. “She just fuckin’ left! She just– She…”
“What, for good?” Tony B didn’t care enough to look away from the TV.
“Yeah!” Tony quickly sat down. “She just- just fuckin’ left me here to deal with–” He started hyperventilating.
“Tony, what’s he doing…?” Christopher asked Tony B, leaning away from the other one.
“He just does that sometimes.” Tony B was completely unfazed by Janice leaving and Tony having a crisis. “Hey, you hear Uncle Pat’s hiccups went?”