Work Text:
Stan could think of many reasons why he was not asleep yet.
Maybe it was because of the loud crickets chirping outdoors, maybe it was because of how increasingly hot he was starting to feel, or maybe, just maybe it was because of the stilled body next to him. Stan had no idea how long it'd been since they had agreed to call it a night, but one thing for sure, he wouldn't get any sleep just staring at the ceiling.
He quietly grumbled. Stuck in a position he didn't want to be in, literally sandwiched between the wall and his best friend.
Kyle seemed as if he was in dreamland already. He envied how quickly he had fallen unconscious. he could only ever accomplish that after getting completely wasted. With each breath Kyle took and every sound he made, it was like he was doing it on purpose.
Did Kyle always look that pretty asleep?
...
Why the hell would he just think that?
...
It wasn't like it was untrue, or anything, though .
Staring at Kyle probably wasn't gonna get him any rest, but the sleep he wanted tonight had been tossed out the window a long time ago. He glanced at the clock on the wall. 1:37 AM. He was never going to make it until morning at this rate.
He liked Kyle's freckles, the way they were littered across Kyle's skin. He liked his dumb curly red hair and the stupid, stupid smile he wore after every comment Stan made. God damnit, he liked everything about Kyle. Stan's breathing is labored, a heady mix of lust and confusion clouding his thoughts. He can't stop now, not when he had just started.
Then why was he only bothered now? They always had sleepovers, and every time, they slept in the same bed. Stan was the problem then, if Kyle could get his beauty sleep, then why couldn't he?
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm. He froze, heart pounding in his chest. It was Kyle, stirring awake.
"Can't sleep?" Kyle mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.
"Yeah, was it obvious?" Stan grumbled sheepishly, and it's your fault. Kyle nodded, the stupid, stupid smile resting neatly on his face. He let out a laugh and sat up, groggily stretching. Stan scowled quietly.
"Well, I'm already up, so at least you have company now," Kyle reassures him, probably noticing the look of guilt on Stan's face. His hand slips from Stan's arm, leaving a slight tingly sensation that Stan seems to miss.
There's a moment of awkward silence that Stan can't explain, the air seems heavier than usual, and he feels like he's trapped in a cage. Stan shifts uncomfortably, leaning against the wall, hoping that it can provide some space from Kyle. He's afraid that he might do something he'll regret.
"Company isn't going to help me sleep," Stan mutters, trying to keep his voice steady. "Especially not from you," Stanwhispers breathlessly, mostly to himself.
Kyle laughs, the sound quiet and coarse from sleep. "Aw, come on Stan, What's up? You horny."
Stan feels his breath hitch and he avoids Kyle's eyes, but ultimately can't hide the small smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth. "Asshole.." Stan muttered before clearing his throat sarcastically. "Yeah, I'm so ... horny right now..."
Kyle lets out another laugh, the sound very pleasing to Stan's ears. Things were starting to feel more casual now, like how they usually were.
"Come on! What's on your mind?" Kyle murmurs. "I won't bite. Well, not unless you ask me to." He could be so nosy sometimes, not that Stan was complaining.
"It's stupid, Kyle," Stan complains, before continuing. There's a sheepish grin playing on his face, he takes a deep breath before speaking again. "I just... I wish we were still little." Stan turns away from Kyle, obviously flustered.
He's never one to open up like this, but there's also a weight that's pulled off his shoulders with the confession.
Stan keeps going, the words slipping out easier and easier. "Everything's so complicated, I feel so complicated Kyle." Kyle's eyes softened. He parts his lips to speak up but Stan gets there before him.
"I mean, look at us. We've been sharing a bed during sleepovers since we were in preschool. And I'm not even mad about it, because I actually kinda like it! Being close to you, I mean." The acknowledgment makes Kyle's eyes widen.
There was also the subtle look of interest which Stan notices quickly. Stan also notices the way his cheeks heat up.
He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "And then there are times when I just want to punch you in the face because you're being such an ass. But then I remember how much I actually care about you, and it makes me feel guilty for even thinking about hitting you." Stan fell silent, his shoulders slumping as he stared down at his hands. He feels so felt exposed.
Kyle probably thinks he's crazy or something.
Kyle seems to be in disbelief, and he looks to be even a little stressed. His lips parted a little, but no words came out. He seems to be processing everything Stan had just said, his eyes flickering around the room with a mixture of emotions. It was like Stan could see the gears turning in his head, and it made him extremely anxious. Before he could retract his words, Kyle's brow furrowed and he spoke up.
"Fuck you dude... you're just saying that." The redhead accused. He looked to be in some sort of denial. He didn't look mad, but he didn't look too happy either.
"I'm not!" Stan shouted defensively, his voice cracking with emotion. "I can't stand all these feelings and I don't know what to do with them! I'm so lost, Kyle! It's like I can't think straight anymore."
His frustration growing, Stan pushed off the wall and scrambled to sit up, rubbing his face with both hands. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Forget I said anything. I just... I just wanted to let it out, I guess."
The silence that stretched out was undoubtedly uncomfortable.
"Wait! it's just.." Kyle's voice arose through the tension, causing Stan to look over at him. There was a look of understanding on his face, and for a moment, Stan's heart swelled with hope. Kyle then spoke up once more.
"I get what you mean."
A grunt escapes Stan's throat, his confusion and how much Kyle's words affected him evident. "What—"
"Damn it, you're really making me say this?" Kyle cuts Stan off bitterly. His voice is low and raspy, and he forces a shaky laugh. His eyes are glued to his lap, avoiding stan's probing eyes.
"I've always felt... I don't know... good around you too, but I just.. I've never really done anything about it... " Kyle weakly recognized.
His gaze was locked onto Kyle, his eyes inspecting every small movement and action he did. It was like a predator watching its prey.
Kyle nodded, his thumb absently rubbing circles on his arm. "Yeah. Like, one minute I'm thinking 'Man, I love hanging out with Stan, he's the best', and the next minute I'm all 'God, I just want to kiss the shit out of him', you know?"
Heat rushes to Stan's cheeks, making them even redder than he thinks they already are. Shit, he probably looks like a fool right now. Stan can't help but wonder what else Kyle thinks about, what if he thinks about even more dirtier things, not just kissing?
Kyle probably noticed the toll it took on Stan and quickly took back what he said. "Fuck! I don't mean it like that!" He put his hands up defensively.
He coughed awkwardly and affirmatively restated what he meant. "I've just never kissed anyone, but if I did, I think I'd want it to be with you." Stan thinks he's going to throw up. Thinking about this whole night makes him feel very bothered, and not the bad bothered.
His mind is like a whirlwind, his heart beating so hard in his chest that he thought it might pop out. Suddenly, the world around them narrows, and all he can focus on is Kyle's face, the admission that he wanted it to be Stan, echoing through his mind.
"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Kyle asked.
Kissing was just another unknown territory to him. Other than the couple of times he had kissed Wendy, it was undeniably a sensitive subject for him. Stan's mind raced, trying to come up with a response. He didn't want to lie, but he also didn't want to bring up his girlfriend.
He settled for something simple. "Wendy."
"Wendy?" Kyle's voice trailed off, a look of disbelief on his face. "Why didn't you tell me?" He looked a little disappointed, even jealous.
"It wasn't a big deal." Stan deflected, avoiding the other's gaze. "I didn't want to bother you with it.." He shifted uncomfortably.
"Is she good?"
The question caught Stan off guard. He hadn't expected Kyle to ask about the quality of his kiss with Wendy. He hesitated before answering, "She's okay, I guess. I don't exactly know what good is supposed to feel like."
The honesty in his voice was clear, and he couldn't help but hope that Kyle would understand. He adjusted the neckline of his shirt, his eyes darting to the corner of the room. He was painfully aware of how close they were, how easy it would be to close the distance between them.
"Do you wanna kiss me?"
There's a silence that stretched on for what Stan thought to be hours, the words caught in his throat like a bad cough. Stan froze, his heart pounding in his chest. The question hung in the air between them, heavy with implications. A million thoughts raced through his mind, but he couldn't find the words to answer. His lips parted, but nothing came out.
"Yeah," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I don't want to ruin what I have with.."
He pauses mid-sentence, debating whether he should bring Wendy up again, in a situation like this. Her name is on the tip of his tongue, but he can't bring himself to say it. Instead, he closes the distance between them.
The kiss itself isn't anything special, it's naive and gentle, It's a quick action, but there's an immediate spark that Stan feels and desperately hopes Kyle feels as well, as if this was meant to be. There's also something else, an unexplainable feeling of desire which Stan needs to push back to the corners of his brain.
Their faces are also mushed together awkwardly.
When they finally pulled apart, both were breathing heavily. Stan's eyes were full of wonder, as if he had just witnessed a miracle. Kyle, on the other hand, looked equally as stunned, his lips slightly parted.
They simply stared at each other for a moment, neither daring to break the fragile silence that had settled between them. Stan slowly leaned in to kiss Kyle again, this time, with more confidence
Kyle pulled back, his face flushed and his chest heaving. He looked at Stan with a mixture of anger, embarrassment.
"What the hell was that?" He demanded, his voice shaking.
Stan's heart sank to the pit of his stomach, the weight of the unexpected reaction almost too much to bear. He hadn't anticipated this response at all, and the sudden shift left him feeling unsteady. "I-I thought you wanted to!" he stammered, his voice shrinking into a whisper, barely audible against the silence that had swallowed the room.
Another tense silence stretched between them, thick and heavy with unspoken words. Stan found himself contemplating whether he should just collapse right then and there, shutting his eyes in a futile attempt to escape the overwhelming tension. Yet, despite the temptation to retreat into himself, he remained frozen in place, unsure of what else to do.
"Are you gay?" His voice, rough and hoarse, cuts through the air like a dense fog. Kyle's tone is impossible to read. Stan can't quite place if he's being judgemental or genuinely curious.
Stan is caught off guard, he feels his mind go blank. He opens his mouth to respond but finds that no words come out. His thoughts are swirling in confusion, he's unsure of how to react, how to interpret Kyle’s intentions, or even what to say next.
"No…!" he blurts out, stepping back defensively, his hands raised in a frantic attempt to ward off the question. His head shakes rapidly, as if denying the thought before it can fully take root. He wasn’t gay, or at least, he didn’t think so. He liked girls, he was sure of that. But Kyle... Kyle was Kyle. The only exception. That didn’t make him gay, did it?
"I'm not gay either," Kyle continued, his voice trembling slightly. "Your my best friend."
The tension in the room felt almost tangible, as if the very air around them had stiffened with the weight of their shared vulnerability. Their confessions hung in the space between them, heavy and undeniable. Stan's eyes meet Kyle's, and in that fleeting moment, something unspoken but profoundly understood passed between them.
"Do you still want to be friends?" Kyle asked, his voice barely above a whisper, laden with uncertainty.
Stan nodded slowly, the simple movement conveying everything he couldn’t find the words to express. Their friendship had been the anchor in both of their lives, the one thing they couldn’t afford to lose, no matter what.
"Always dude," he answered, his voice soft but resolute, matching the quiet intensity of Kyle’s.
There were still things left unsaid, but the two just didn’t know what to do next—what to say, how to act, how to even make sense of the emotions that had just surfaced. Stan's mind buzzed with thoughts he couldn't quite pin down. He could tell Kyle felt the same, the way he nervously fidgeted with the edge of his blanket.
Kyle sighed, breaking the silence. "Holy shit dude, it's late.." His voice was quiet, almost hesitant, as if sleep might offer a temporary escape from the confusing tangle of feelings.
"Let's go to sleep then..."
Both of them shift under the blanket, the soft glow of the moon filtering through the window, casting pale light over the room. They had done this a hundred times before—sleeping over, talking late into the night, but as weird and obscure as their conversations got, it was never as different as this night.
Stan lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, his mind still racing. He wanted to say something, anything, to ease the tension lingering between them. He needs some sort of confirmation that maybe this won't ruin what they had established long ago. He can hear Kyle’s breathing beside him, slow and shallow. Was Kyle lying awake too, trapped in his own thoughts?
"Kyle?" Stan whispers gently while peering to his side.
"Yeah?" comes the soft reply from the redhead.
"I don’t want this to be weird."
"It’s not weird," Kyle whispered back, though there was a slight tremor in his voice. "At least, I don’t think it is."
Stan swallowed, turning his head to face the shadowy outline of his best friend. "Me neither."
For a few minutes, neither of them spoke. The sound of crickets outside the window filled the room, a gentle hum in the background. Slowly, the tension seemed to ebb, not fully gone, but no longer as suffocating. They were still figuring things out, but for now, they didn’t need all the answers.
"Night Stan," Kyle finally said, his voice soft, almost fragile.
"Night," Stan murmured back, his eyelids growing heavy.
As they drifted into sleep, the weight of the night's confessions hung in the air, unresolved but no longer as unbearable. Whatever came next, they would face it together—just like they always had.
And for now, that was enough.