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Tony is tinkering with Bruce’s blender, screwdriver in hand, when he hears the distinct, familiar sound of sneakers against tile.
“You have a meeting in half an hour, Tony.” Stiles takes his time in reaching Tony, lapping the kitchen twice, fingers brushing across the benches, the toaster and Tony’s shiny new coffee maker.
“Not going.” He’s not, not with Bruce’s blender in pieces on his kitchen bench. Tony might have an appreciation for the Other Guy’s tendency for destruction and mayhem but even he knows better than to tempt Bruce’s darker side. He’s only just fixed the Loki sized hole in his floor after all. “We had this conversation last week and we’re going to have it next week. I don’t do meetings.”
“Tony, if I don’t see you at the meeting on time I’m cutting you off.”
It’s a threat, a fantastic one at that. Vague enough that it leaves Tony guessing, unable to hold his tongue and refrain from seeking clarification. “Could you be more specific? Are we talking about coffee or-”
Stiles moves closer, eliminating any semblance of personal space when he yanks the Billionaire in by the tie. “Think of the most horrible thing I could deprive of you and go with that.” He fiddles with Tony’s tie, straightening it before smoothing it down.
“Did you secretly go off to a workshop for villainy on your vacation? Because I don’t remember you being this vicious before you left. It’s terrifying but also kind of hot.”
“Be at the meeting, Tony.” Stiles rolls his eyes. “It’s one you’ll actually be interested in.”
“I’m never interested in meetings, Darling.”
Stiles affectionately pats Tony’s cheek twice. “We’re deciding on your new Build Team.”
Stiles backs off and walks out of the room without a goodbye. Tony’s eyes don’t stray from his assistant’s backside, even when Jarvis alerts him to Bruce’s inevitable arrival.
Tony leaves the screwdriver next to the laid out pieces of appliance. If Bruce hasn’t fixed his blender before Tony’s return he’ll buy the guy a new one. His best friend will forgive him, even if it’s just for the fact he’ll have shown up to a meeting on time for once in his life.
He likes to think Pepper will be proud of him for making the conscious decision to not shuck his duties but he’s not a complete plebian. Pepper is going to be proud of Stiles and Tony is never, ever going to hear the end of it.
His ability to shelve his pride only extends so far and he finds himself walking into the conference room right on the dot. The businessmen in unimpressive quasi high-end suits look shocked but he ignores them all. They’re dull and if he had to compare them to a colour he’d call them all beige. As far as he’s concerned they’re all just filler, people that bridge the distance between himself and his smirking assistant.
He claps his hands together and grins at them all as if his appearance wasn’t as unexpected as a trip to Asgard. “So, everyone ready?”
A balding man in a slightly wrinkled suit splutters. “Mr. Stark, I’m Eric Danger, the Head of Operations for this new department. I must say it is a wonderful surprise to see you here.”
Tony makes a mental note to find someone to replace the man. He’ll do it personally, Pepper would kill him if he tried to delegate this to her and after seeing the Human Resources first choice he doesn’t trust their taste in employees. He would never allow someone with such little pride in personal appearance be the Head of reception let alone the Head of his Experimental Tech Department. Stiles looks more presentable than the man and given his assistant’s penchant for Converses it doesn’t say much about Mr. Wrinkly Suit.
It also doesn’t say much for Mr. Wrinkly Suit that he didn’t introduce any of his co-workers to Tony. There is almost a dozen of them and they’re all fairly non-descript, easily forgettable in a way Tony had always vowed never to be. Most of them are wrinkled, some from age and others from stress. There is more than a few dye jobs, some so atrocious Tony wants to open his wallet and give them a few hundred bucks and the number of someone who could help them. He doesn’t though because he doesn’t know these people, doesn’t want a potential lawsuit, and really doesn’t want to get on Stiles and Pepper’s bad side for sabotaging the only meeting in three years he’s been on time to.
“Stiles,” Tony turns on the balls of his feet. “Give me a rundown of what I’m doing here today.”
Stiles gently places his StarkPad on the conference table and taps at it, projecting a dozen IDs onto the wall. “We’ve narrowed potentials down to a dozen applicants. Today the objective is to finalize the four people you’d like to take on as a part of the Build Team.”
“Build Team?” A blonde man in his forties with frown lines and fake blonde hair smiles, lips quirking upward. His grey eyes light up in amusement. “Like Mythbusters?”
“Similar concept however imagine an almost limitless budget and the possibility of creating advances the technological world has ever seen,” Stiles stands, palms resting on the table.
“And I can only have four?” Tony enquires.
“I refuse to baby sit more than four college graduates I’m barely older than.” Stiles’ eyebrows rise in defiance.
It’s a fair assessment of the situation. Tony knows college graduates are to him what puppies are to small children, something he will promise to feed, water and walk everyday but will in actuality get bored with after a few fleeting weeks.
He sits down at the head of the table and settles in, pulling his phone out of his pocket so he can snap a photo of his surroundings and send it to Pepper. Jarvis would divulge his location with Pepper if she asked but Tony prefers the direct approach. He quickly takes a snap of Stiles too, smirking at the face his assistant pulls when he realizes what Tony is doing.
“The first applicant, George Weathers, is a graduate of Caltech. He graduated Valedictorian and it has been rumored Bruce Wayne is interested in meeting with him.”
Tony snorts. Bruce Wayne is an overgrown bat, literally, and a giant pain in the ass. The man will never be a serious threat to his empire, not in the way Reed Richards is, but he’ll be damned if he allows the brat of Gotham City to snap up a potential asset for Stark Industries. “I want a meeting set with him for the end of the week.”
“But you haven’t-”
Stiles taps away at his phone. “Done.”
“But we haven’t thoroughly gone through his file and discussed if we think he is appropriate,” Mr. Wrinkly Suit stammers.
“The potential of a potential offer will keep him out of Bruce Wayne’s hands for the immediate future. If we like him we’ll keep him, if we find him lacking we’ll either send him to Banner or have him intern for Darcy.” Tony nods.
“Darcy would flip if you gave her an intern. Actually,” Stiles pauses for a moment. “I think Thor would flip.”
“It’s not my fault Thunderpants is overprotective. It’s ridiculous anyway; Darcy is the only human who has singlehandedly knocked Thor on his ass so the notion that she needs to be guarded like some princess in a tower is absurd.”
If there is one thing Tony will go to the grave with it’s the firm belief that Darcy Lewis is not synonymous with the word helpless.
“The next candidate,” Stiles clicks on the photo of a bespectacled female with mousy brown hair. “Is Ella Mallard, a graduate from Georgia Tech. Her IQ is-”
“Adequate,” Tony cuts in, frowning at the number for a moment. “Smarter than most of Hammer’s people, we can work with what she has.”
“For one of her school assessment pieces she chose to rebuild a car engine.”
Tony grins and leans forward. “Sounds like my kind of grad student.”
“She did it blindfolded,” Stiles adds casually.
“Put her on the short list.”
“But sir that is two spots taken and you haven’t seen the other twelve candidate’s profiles yet,” Captain Peroxide protests.
Tony swings in his chair the face the man. It’s become blatantly clear that he needs to actually show up to these meetings instead of just promising Pepper he will because in his absence a pod person has clearly taken over his company and allowed a collective group of idiots and timid rabbits to ascend to positions in his company that are fairly important. “If Weathers becomes a viable final candidate I am firing someone in this room. We aren’t actually considering him unless the rest of the candidates aren’t qualified enough. I want my team to be interesting. We’ll rate them all from one to five and rotate them until we find a four person team I can work with.”
“I like Daniel Garnet,” Mr. Wrinkly Suit says, leaning over Stiles in a way Tony doesn’t like so he can project the profile onto the wall.
The kid is on the younger side compared to the last two, something that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. His hair is horrible though and if Tony is going to have his own personal team of grad students he is not going to stand by and let them look like they’ve lost a fight with a wood chipper. Garnet’s grades aren’t bad either, he’s not going to be Valedictorian but his projects are interesting enough to ignore that there are four people between Garnet and the position of frontrunner. It isn’t until Tony looks at his family though, that he notices a problem. A big one.
“Trash it.”
“What?” Mr. Wrinkly Suit splutters. “Why?”
“The profile, I want it gone. Can anyone in the room tell me what is wrong with his profile?” Tony asks them all, annoyed when he is presented with silence strong enough that it almost deserves to be accompanied by the sound of crickets. “Anyone at all?” No one speaks and a few of his employees even have their eyes glued to the glass desk in from of them. “I’ll have Pepper authorize a generous bonus if someone here can tell me why we can’t have Garnet.” Stiles clears his throat and Tony sighs, rolling his eyes as he turns to his assistant. “Stiles, care to share with the class?”
Stiles stands up and pushes away from the table, walking toward the wall. He points at the section of profile that discloses information about Garnet’s family. “Garnet’s father has connections to Hammer Industries. Jonathan Garnet’s business does trade with a company in Europe that has ties to another business in China that Justin Hammer does discreet business with.”
“That seems like a weak connection,” Mr. Wrinkly Suit scoffs.
“Hammer spent millions of dollars trying to recreate my suit,” Tony points out. “He would sell his own grandmother’s organs if he thought he could have an advantage over this company. As you all know I don’t do business with people that have business with Hammer. You all sign agreements when you work with me that state that in the case of you leaving of your own accord or being fired you will never work at Hammer Industries. I don’t employ people who have worked for Hammer. People can be bought.” Tony turns to Stiles. “What are you going to spend your bonus on?”
“An apartment on the Upper East Side.”
“You think the bonus is worth that much?”
“Maybe not but Pepper has promised me a hazard pay bonus if I last the year working with you so I’m sure if I pool both bonuses together I’ll find something nice.”
Tony snorts. Stiles might be a brat but at least he is an intelligent one, something that can’t be said for the rest of his employees in the room. “Okay then, you tell me who you think should be in the team.”
“Ella Mallard, she’s intelligent and her extra curricular activities at both high school and college tell us she has knowledge on a vast majority of things. That will help us think outside the box. I also know you’re impressed that she rebuilt the engine without the ability to see so she’ll work on cars with you in the off time or if you get stumped and Bruce can’t help you,” Stiles points out, smiling at the mention of Bruce. “Connor Ashley would be my next recommendation. His IQ is the highest of the candidates, no family connections to anyone we don’t do business with and I know for a fact Darcy has read a few of his assessment pieces because she was impressed enough to forward them to Jane. His specialization would be unique too and would increase your chances if you decided to go into the direction of space technology.”
Tony nods; so far it’s a sound argument. “And the next two?”
“Samantha Ellis. She’s a Caltech student and the Valedictorian of her graduating class-”
“Ellis is deaf,” one of them men objects, his tone of voice is decidedly negative. His hair is a shocking red, which isn’t bad, Pepper rules Tony’s entire life and her hair is a lovely shade of red, it’s just that the shade clashes horribly with the man’s cheap tie.
“She’s hearing impaired,” Stiles snaps and the silent implication of ‘you ignorant asshole’ is there for everyone to hear. “Samantha uses hearing aids but predominantly when in lectures because they aren’t comfortable. She prefers to use sign language, something that we could easily accommodate.”
“Easily?”
“Tony knows sign language, I have a private tutor who is currently teaching me and if the other members of the group can’t learn they won’t deserve to be a part of the team. Almost all of the candidates are bilingual and it’s insulting to assume that they couldn’t learn sign language if they managed to impress you all enough to be considered the best of three thousand applicants.”
Tony looks at Stiles, cocking his head to the side in consideration. “I’ve always wondered what you and Barton get up to when I’m not around.”
“Well we don’t braid each other’s hair,” Stiles grins. “That’s more of a thing I do with Thor.”
Tony is torn between wanting, needing, to know and wanting to know nothing at all about what else Stiles and Thor get up to. He’s more then aware that Stiles and Darcy wax lyrical poetry about Thor’s, well, everything. He would rather pretend Stiles braids Thor’s hair while they watch Jennifer Anniston movies. “Ellis?” He prompts.
“Right,” Stiles clears his throat. “She would even the gender ratio out and her IQ is almost on par with Connor Ashley’s. She grew up with three older brothers and played football in high school so she’ll be able to handle herself. Her scathing review of Hammer’s attempt at recreating the Iron Man suit had Bruce choking on his coffee so we know she’s both intelligent enough to understand the concept of the suit and not someone who will be collaborating with Hammer Industries any time soon. Or ever. She was really quite brutal in her review. I’m considering sending Natasha the review as a bedtime story.”
Tony chokes on his own laughter and wonders if he should be worried that his assistant has a similar sense of humor as Natasha. “I want a meeting with Ellis, even if it’s to autograph a copy of her review. Have one sent to Jarvis so I can access it this afternoon?”
“Already done,” Stiles nods. “My final suggestion is Phillip “Lip” Gallagher. He’s a scholarship kid at MIT and in his second year. He hails from the Southside, the poor area of Chicago. He was busted running a SATs scam where he would pose as other students and hit any score they requested. His own score is perfect and there are reports West Point wanted to recruit him.”
“He has a criminal record,” Captain Peroxide objects.
“He was stopped by police in a stolen vehicle,” Stiles explains. “He’s be linked to a sizable amount of other illegal activities but nothing has ever been proven. He has five siblings, four younger than him. His father is an alcoholic who has been arrested several times. His mother is bipolar and broke out of a psychiatric ward. Lip’s older sister Fiona has custody of all her siblings.”
“He has a lot to gain,” Tony points out, knowing that this is one of the reasons Stiles believes the Gallagher kid would be an ideal candidate.
“He smashed up a car at MIT in his first year, his grades weren’t fantastic but records show he was the sole provider for his family during his first year when his sister Fiona was arrested and sent to jail. His SAT scams indicate he’s highly intelligent however he’s never been tested. So yes, given his family situation I think he has a hell of a lot to gain from being a part of this team.”
“He has a record.” A man from the back of the room points out, speaking for the first time, almost shocking Tony who had begun to wonder if he, and most of the others in the room, were mutes.
“A juvenile one,” Stiles points out. “And so do I. I kidnapped someone in my class, stole a police van and locked him in it for two days as a joke. It was dropped and Jackson and I go for brunch every other week now but I still did it. I have this job because I slipped through security to get into Pepper’s office so I could warn her that an associate of mine had heard rumors that this company was going to be targeted by a new group of malicious hackers,” Stiles crosses his arms across his chest stubbornly. “So you can all be afraid of the kid that’s barely out of high school, that’s fine, but I’m not going to let you all smother his chances of being a part of this team because none of you want to catch the criminal cooties you seem to think he has.”
There is something about the way Stiles talks that makes heat pool in Tony’s gut. Stiles is passionate about everything he says and does, dramatic down to the bone, but it’s thrilling to watch him bitch out Tony’s employees without caring about future possible consequences. He loves watching Stiles fire up about something because if there is something his assistant can do it is talk. Stiles knows how to craft an articulate argument, even when he’s pissed off, knows when to hit bellow the belt and knows when to appeal to an opponent’s delicate sensibilities. He’s perfect and Tony can’t keep his eyes off him.
“Well,” He stands and claps his hands. “I think that is all I need to know.”
“But, Mr. Stark,” Mr. Wrinkly Suit objects. “The other candidates-”
“-Will be assessed later and determined whether or not they are potential future employees,” Tony answers. “Much in the same way all of you are going to be assessed to determine if you will continue to be my employees in the future.”
“Sir?” Mr. Ignorant Asshole squeaks.
“If Stiles here can do a job that ten of you can’t Pepper is obviously allowing HR to hire the wrong people. Half of you didn’t speak, those that did questioned Stiles’ judgment without an intelligent question or observation and none of you could tell me why I can’t have Daniel Garnet on my team,” Tony points out harshly, watching as his employees flinch. “So if any of you would like to object and give me a good reason as to why you shouldn’t all be reassessed and placed on probation, speak now.”
“Or forever hold your peace,” Stiles quips, grinning like a lunatic.
The room is eerily silent and Tony’s more disappointed that even Mr. Ignorant Asshole doesn’t speak up for himself than their dismal performance today.
Stiles walks out of the room with the StarkPad in his hands and his head held high. He’s exuding the confidence Tony knows you only feel when you’ve finished decimating an opponent. It’s well deserved and if they didn’t hold such an important position in the company Tony would consider keeping the employees around just so he can watch the confident swing of Stiles’ hips after every meeting.
Tony finds himself back in his kitchen again, screwdriver in one hand and Bruce’s unimpressed letter in the other. He has until tomorrow morning to restore Bruce’s blender to it’s former glory or Bruce is going to tell Steve that Tony is being unsupportive of Bruce’s recent health kick. Tony doesn’t know how it happened but the most important people in his life are all terrifying and unafraid to wield threats like a weapon.
It’s entirely possible that Bruce, Pepper and Stiles have been taking lessons from Natasha. It’s also entirely possible that Tony’s a glutton for punishment and he purposely surrounds himself with people who have enough backbone to keep the power balance in their relationship off kilter.
The threat, while amusing, doesn’t do much for two reasons. The first is that he doesn’t care enough about Steve’s disapproval for it to be a real threat. Getting lectured would be annoying but Tony has tuned out Congress before so a guy in spandex isn’t going to be much trouble, even if it is Captain Morality. The second reason is that he’s going to repair the blender regardless of threats because he likes Bruce. Bruce is his best friend, the mad to his scientist and the only person who can keep up with him in the lab. He likes Bruce. Bruce interests him and he had to fight tooth and nail to get the guy to live in the tower with him so there is no way he’s going to risk wasting the power point presentation he made months ago over a blender.
He might also really love poking the guy with a cattle prod.
“I see Bruce left you a note."
Tony startles a little when he hears Stiles’ voice behind him. Before he can turn around he feels warmth and the pressure of Stiles’ body against his own. They are lined up from toe to chest and Stiles’ breath breezes across the back of his neck.
“Usually he leaves me post it notes but what he had to say was a little big for a note.” It’s true, usually Bruce leaves notes like fix it or you forgot to carry the one.
Stiles chuckles and rests his chin on Tony’s shoulder, reading the note quickly before whistling. “You must have really annoyed him for him to bring out the big guns.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call Captain Morality the big guns.”
“Natasha would have hurt you, Pepper would have yelled at you but Steve, he’s going to drone on for hours and if you don’t pretend like you’re taking in everything he says sincerely he’s going to challenge you in an effort to show how much he respects and cares for Bruce.”
Tony snorts, dropping the tool and the note onto the counter. “If Steve and S.H.I.E.L.D had their way Bruce would be locked up and prodded with needles.”
“I suggest you avoid it all together then and rebuild it. Make him a smoothie when you’re done and he might even help you with your newest project.”
“I don’t see why you can’t help me,” Tony presses backward, one hand fisting Stiles’ shirt, the other gripping Stiles’ thigh. “After all, I went to the meeting and I wasn’t even late. I didn’t even show up to my court date with the military and government on time.”
“Helping you will special projects isn’t a part of my job description, Tony.” Stiles points out, voice low in Tony’s ear.
“I’ll have to have words with whoever wrote your contract then,” He muses.
“You do that. I think you have other pressing matters at hand though.”
“That depends on if you’re adverse to the kitchen.” It’s suggestive, subtler than the majority of the advances in his repertoire but he likes the game he has with Stiles, the game where they call it everything but what it really is.
Stiles laughs, body shaking hard enough that Tony can feel his body move. “I meant the blender.”
Tony turns around, hands dropping to Stiles’ waist. “Bruce can wait.” He notices Stiles has changed since the meeting, his assistant is barefoot and in jeans and wearing the I’m always angry shirt Tony made for him as a joke birthday gift. It gives the impression of domesticity and it makes Tony want to press him up against fridge, swipe the kitchen island bare and lay Stiles out across the marble countertop.
“Maybe,” Stiles grins, thumb swiping down Tony’s jaw, following the line of his immaculately styled facial hair. “But Clint mentioned Cars last week and I promised Thor we’d watch it together today.”
“What does Thor have that I don’t have?”
“A big hammer?”
It’s silent for a moment before Stiles begins to giggle, showing his age. Tony rolls his eyes and lets Stiles laugh into his chest. His hands finding their way under Stiles’ shirt to press his fingers into the small of Stiles’ back just above the waistband of his jeans. It takes Stiles a moment to compose himself and Tony can’t help but stare at Stiles’ face, cheeks flushed with amusement.
Stiles pushes away, moving backward until there is a foot of space between them. “Be a good boy, fix Bruce’s blender and if you haven’t annoyed anyone by the time I get back we’ll talk about your special project, okay?”
“Does ‘anyone’ include Fury?”
“That depends on if you like having coffee, Tony,” Stiles calls out cheekily as he walks out of the room, leaving Tony alone with Bruce’s note, a screwdriver, pieces of a blender and a stirring in his gut that makes him want to do the complete opposite of what he’s supposed to be doing.
He really, really enjoys annoying Fury, it's not like it's hard when the entirety of S.H.I.E.L.D, Natasha and Birdbrain aside, are complete morons. It'd only take him a few minutes to hack into their systems.
The only problem is coffee.
Tony likes coffee.