Chapter Text
Gojo Satoru had always been the strongest. It wasn’t a secret. He had confidence in himself and his abilities. So much so that begun to zone out those around him. He had always had Shoko and Geto by his side, it had become a given simply. Satoru would’ve been lying to say he hadn’t recognised the minor changes in Suguru, the bags under his eyes and his forced smiles, but they were both so busy. Cursed spirits needed exorcising, and it would be unwise to group two special grade sorcerers together when they could exorcise more at the same time. Between the endless cycle of exorcising, training and sleeping Satoru had little mental space for his best friend. For Suguru. Maybe that was why it hurt more.
Satoru laid in bed at midday with his head buried deep into the pillow he had stolen from Suguru’s otherwise untouched dorm. The sheets were pulled over his head and blinds shut. He was shrouded in complete darkness. Since he saw Suguru outside KFC yesterday he had refused missions and opted to sleep instead even if he didn’t need it. Any of Suguru’s belongings that were scattered across Satoru’s room had been pushed under his desk, out of sight out of mind. Time passed indiscriminately for Satoru, the lack of light in his dorm rendered the passing of the day irrelevant. He simply just kept his eyes closed as he tried to push Suguru out of his mind. He found himself thinking about how he had interacted with Suguru before his deflection, had he ignored him? Unknowingly pushed him away? It ate away at Satoru. For the strongest to be bedridden with regret was simply unacceptable. He knew that but he couldn’t make himself get up. Everything reminded him of Suguru. Satoru believed that if he was capable of crying he would’ve been sobbing, but his eyes stayed painfully dry, his face blank. Images of Suguru’s stoic expression were all Satoru saw, the look of calm that had painted his face as he turned his back to Satoru. He rolled over, reaching for his sunglasses and slipped them on before opening his eyes. A little light peeked through the blinds in his room enough to draw a line across his desk. Satoru sat up slowly and rubbed his forehead. His eyes scanned his room to find a remnant of Suguru he had yet to put under his desk. A digimon figure he had been gifted for his last birthday.
Maybe that was what Satoru missed more than anything, that he had lost the only person who truly knew him. That was the most heartbreaking aspect he decided. Never had Satoru felt so torn apart by someone's departure, never had he felt so close to another person. He reached for the digimon figure and ran his hands over it slowly, his six eyes scanning it slowly till they found the little crack in its arm that was caused from Suguru pegging it at Satoru on a day he had been particularly annoyed. He sighed and threw it under the desk with the rest of his memories of Suguru. For being the strongest Gojo simply couldn’t wrap his head around the events of the last few days. It eluded him. No matter what Yaga or Shoko said, no matter what pity he found in the eyes of Namani and Haibara, he couldn’t understand. Suguru was the moral one between the two, the fair and level headed one, Satoru’s lifeline. How could he betray Satoru like that?
A knock on the door disturbed his line of thought.
“Satoru,” A bored female voice drawled from behind his door that caused him to sigh and stand up letting the floor creak underneath him.
“Come in Shoko,” he replied slowly, his eyes set on the door handle that moved down. The brunette walked into his room, a box of cigarettes poked out of her uniform. She scrunched her nose as she entered the room and side-eyed Satoru.
“You know, this is the most emotionally disturbed I’ve ever seen you,” she muttered bluntly and pulled out his desk chair before she propped onto it. She peeked under the desk and eyed all Suguru’s belongings.
“I am not emotionally disturbed,” Satoru hissed and flopped back onto his bed causing Shoko to spin around on the chair and sigh.
“You have been in bed for approximately ten hours, ignoring the medical lecture you deserve. That is a sure sign that you're emotionally disturbed,” she mused and pulled out a cigarette.
“Don’t smoke in here I swear, I’m fine emotionally I’m just,” Satoru hesitated and tugged at his hair, “I’m just surprised.”
“Surprised people don’t go emo when their best friend defects,” Shoko sighed and raised an eyebrow at the blue eyed man who sulked infront of her and put away her cigarette.
“I saw the signs of Shoko, and I ignored it. Does that make it my fault?” Satoru asked quietly, a level of genuineness that Shoko never thought she would see. It made her sigh.
“You weren’t the only one, Yaga had considered offering him a break. I would argue it falls on all of us if anything,” She replied thoughtfully, shoving a look of pity in Satoru’s direction.
“He refuted everything I said, he was prepared. I stood no chance. I let him walk away,” Satoru spilled out, his voice breaking at the end and his hands reaching for his dry eyes.
“Satoru, regret isn’t a good look on you. What happened to being the strongest? What happened, happened. Just- Just breathe, ok?” Shoko whispered slowly, a hint of unsureness in her voice before she stood up and exited the man's dorm. Gojo sat on his bed in silence, staring at the open doorway. He prayed subconsciously that Suguru would walk through any second, anything to reassure the strongest. He would’ve understood how Satoru felt dismayed, his shock. He would’ve ignored that Satoru was the strongest and just listened to how he felt. He would’ve understood in a way Shoko couldn’t.
Suguru POV:
Suguru sat in his new apartment. It was a hard purchase, Suguru had little to no money so he had threatened the landlord. Well, he was a monkey anyway so why did it matter. The apartment was empty, the hardwood floors glinting under the sun that flowed in through the uncovered window. Two air mattresses laid out on the floor, Nanako and Mimiko were cuddled on one and fast asleep. It filled Suguru with some level of calm, but not enough to encase his burning towards, well everything. He hated monkeys, the worthless humans who were the cause of all curses. The negative energy they produced. The negative energy that made him and other Jujutsu sorcerers placed under so much pressure, that controlled their lives. The pressure that boiled over enough to prompt a massacre. It was not something Suguru found himself regretting, after all it was a long time coming.
Saving the two girls was worth having to walk away from Satoru. He winced and started trying to find something new to think about. Something that wasn’t Satoru. However, like a tsunami, his brain was flooded with memories of the day before, the days leading up to his defection, the days they spent with Riko. Satoru’s brilliant blue eyes stared at him through his funky sunglasses. Satoru’s limitless that would always fall when Suguru wished to touch him. Satoru’s annoying personality that only Suguru could put up with.
Regret tingled through Suguru but it was being harshly pushed down by reason. The world was too fucked up, someone needed to reverse the roles of sorcerers and monkeys. It was a noble cause. Something Suguru could give Satoru up for. Yet his heart ached. All-knowing blue eyes and a jovial grin appearing in his subconscious.
Suguru moved from where he had been leaning against the window and walked to his newly adopted daughters who were at peace. He had told them the apartment was a temporary measure as his future plans were still solidifying in his head but truly he was just putting off kicking the first domino. He had bought a gojou-kesa after his meeting with Satoru. After all, if one desired to look like a monk what better than to get a kesa that contained a reference to the past. It made Suguru smile, a slight grin even but his thoughts were still stuffed with hatred. He guessed it would take awhile for them to quiet back down. Nanako stirred which prompted Suguru to crouch down next to her. A tear ran down the child's face and she shivered. Suguru reached out and wiped the tear with a sigh. The girl whimpered before she turned back over and buried her face in her sister's arms. That was the prompt reminder Suguru needed. He didn’t need to push the first domino, for it had been pushed the second Riko was shot. The second fell when Satoru got stronger. The third when he found the girls and defected. The fourth was due to fall any second. Suguru decided he simply had to bite the bullet and begin his plans. No good would come from putting them off. He was building a better world, and he wholeheartedly believed it.
“Don’t worry, Mimiko, Nanako. The vengeance I showed you two will be shown to the whole Jujutsu world. They’ll understand eventually,” Suguru whispered with a calm smile as he stood back up and looked out the apartment window to Shibuya. His eyes lingered towards the direction of his old school.