Archive of Our Own

***

Kaveh climbs the last steps of the stairs to head office slowly. He can handle it. He can take all the responsibility for his actions and even can try to defend his behavior. He knows he’s right but at the same time did the wrong thing. Well, he’s able to apologize and make some amends with the client or agency if needed, too. He shakes his head with a sigh and opens the door.

“Hello sweetheart, how are you doing? What was happening again?” Nahida, his dear boss, the head of Academia Models, sits at her office desk and sweetly asks Kaveh.

Kaveh is so embarrassed to ruin his work again, but he just-

“There was a sixteen-year-old girl! They forced her to work for almost 14 hours! That isn’t okay even for me, but for a teen? It’s absolutely impossible! They abuse their power and influence! She was so afraid to tell even when she needed to use the restroom so it had to be me who stopped this gross photoshoot! I’m sorry, but-“

“It’s okay honey,” Nahida smiles so sincerely but sadly, “It was indeed a bad chain of events, who could have known? But still, the client is furious and we have to deal with it now.”

“I’m so so so sorry, you know I love my job and I give myself fully to it, I just, ugh, I can’t stand how this business works sometimes, I can’t stay indifferent when-“

“I know. I know, Kaveh. This can be awful. We don’t support things like that, but it is not within our capabilities to argue clients actions. I’m sorry this happened to you and that you had to deal with it, but you have to find a way to reconcile with…what could happen. I’m only telling you that because it isn’t the first time, this is serious.”

“Yes-yes, I know, Ms. Nahida! I’m ready to redo the work if they still need me. And I swear I would never do this again. Well, at least, I’ll try my best. Promise.” Kaveh lowers his head. He hates to disappoint the most kind and wise boss in the whole industry. He’s so grateful that he can be where he is, he really should stop acting like a brat. It’s just work. Work has to be done and that’s it.

Another voice next to his boss sounds partly sarcastic and interrupts his internal torments, “Hmph.”

Kaveh glares.

“Oh,” Nahida claps her hands in amusement, and Kaveh shifts his gaze back at her, “I almost forgot why I even called you up here!”

“Huh? To talk about the accident?” Kaveh asks.

“Not only that! The main reason is the Kshahrewar presentation, remember? You have it in two days.”

“Of course, yeah, what’s with that?” Kaveh feels a cold shiver down his spine, he’s truly walking on the knife edge with his temper and someday could lose his jobs— it better not be this day. And not his favorite client.

“Everything is perfectly fine! You’re their Light, after all. It’s just minor background changes. Since Dehya is busy with her makeup contract and promotion, and taking into account your latest actions,” Nahida looks at him pointedly, “we’ve discussed and decided that it’s better if Alhaitham comes with you.”

Alhaitham, who sits still near Nahida, seems absolutely indifferent. Now with that same indifference, he lifts his gaze to settle on Kaveh.

And Kaveh is speechless. It’s not that bad… unless it is.

Alhaitham was his— Well, it’s hard to explain. Kaveh used to call him his bad fate, although it wasn’t sincere. They met long ago in University: Kaveh was an Architect major and Alhaitham in Business Administration. They easily and quickly fell into friendship. Like, really close friendship, with all the charm of it.

Two inseparable geniuses, one complements the other, even putting the administration of university under certain pressure to have an apartment for the two of them together. They shared meals, friends, routine, some classes, and dreams about the future. On Kaveh’s side, even the subtle dreams of sharing that future after University. And now that’s ironic.

The breakup did not take place overnight. Kaveh still doesn’t know exactly where and when it started. He remembers that he had to work alongside studying a lot, too much to be able to cover all his expenses. That’s how he ended up in the fashion industry as a model. Back then, he began to shoot for amateur photographers for money, and soon he started to become pretty popular. One thing led to another and he found himself with a model contract to Inazuma with a very nice paycheck attached.

It was a hard decision, he barely slept those days, he remembers, not only because of a life changing opportunity, but tough studies and waspish Alhaitham. They didn’t even talk anymore at this point— Alhaitham strongly disliked his lifestyle, believing that studies were of the utmost importance and Kaveh was wasting his potential. They bickered, then fought, then Kaveh just stopped telling him about his business to avoid constant negativity. But that day, a Contract Day, Kaveh painfully needed a friend to talk with and help sorting his things out. He thought about Alhaitham before instantly and clearly realizing— he would never be an option for him. He was sick of his notations and caustic comments that made him feel miserable and not enough.

He sorted it out by himself. He decided that he would take an academic leave for a year to save up some money with that contract, and then he’d see how these things develop. He blindly loved and still loves architecture, but life is life. He has to live, not only love. And that’s how he lost both of his loves (crossed out).

Kaveh just told Alhaitham that he was leaving while he was literally leaving. There was only silence in response. Maybe there was something else, but Kaveh didn’t look, he couldn’t. That moment was the burial of many of his dreams, but he was determined to be focused on the future, so he didn’t look back.

That silence lasted for almost six years. He worked off that contract, which was shitty to be honest. But it gave him a lot of opportunities and important acquaintances, so he was able to perform freelance modeling for a couple of years. Then another contract, more permanent, with a high ranked agency. He became kind of a star. See, men modeling was not even close to women, and he worked really hard to make a name for himself! It was obviously deserved: he was pretty, tall, blonde, and not only that, he was very kind, friendly and hardworking. He remembered to be brilliant too, so long ago… But for then, it was enough, he made money, helped a lot of charities, and overall was almost content with his life.

Those years of silence with his ex best friend didn’t bother Kaveh much. Despite the fact that he didn’t find new close relationships, he was satisfied with what he had: a lot of friends in different countries, all over the world. But sometimes, for some reason on his best days, he just stared at the ceiling wondering if they had a chance. Have he. Through all of these years Kaveh asked himself, and tortured himself with the past. Thinking that maybe he should find a way to AlHaitham, just to check how is he, where is he and- It was fleeting moments before he was falling asleep, and in the next mornings he never thought about it again.

That is until he had had a terrible failure at work. The jewelry that his clients gave Kaveh to wear to the afterparty was lost, most likely someone just stole it, but no one cared, the blame fell on his agency and himself. To avoid bringing the matter to court the agency terminated his contract immediately and Kaveh was also forced to pay penalties so large that he had to sell his own house.

Kaveh was so absolutely devastated that he fell into depression and only had enough strength to return to Sumeru and hide as deep under any rock as possible. He temporarily settled down at Tignari’s place and started drinking so much just to cover up the nagging feeling of his downfall and the fear that everyone would soon find out about it. He didn't go on social media and refused all shoot offers, of which there weren't many without the agency. Tignari consoled Kaveh to the best of his ability, caring for him and talking him through all of his shit, though he couldn't be much help, aside from mental, because he was simply a scientist at the University.

Six weeks passed in all-consuming misery, and then he got a sudden ray of light at the end of the tunnel. He got an email from the famous Academia Models with a nice job offer. Kaveh wanted to turn it down as any else, despite the fact that it was the best he can got even at better times, but Tighnari convinced him to try. Through some third party, he knew Nahida, the head of the Academia Models, and assured Kaveh that she was the wisest and kindest person he had ever heard of. And that yes, Kaveh would have to tell her the truth, but she would definitely listen to him and understand him, and would hardly refuse him the job she offers now.

That was the day. Sunny, hot and a bit surreal. He came to the office, straight to the boss cabinet, and spill all his truth, close to tears. Nahida was truly a wonderful person— gentle, compassionate and smart. Just at the moment she handed him paper handkerchiefs, the door opened and-

“Hello Alhaitham”, Nahida said and Kaveh froze at this sound, turning almost into a block of ice, his blood became so cold, “If you don't mind, could you come by a little later we have a very delicate conversation in here, please.”

“Uh-hum”, was the only response.

Kaveh sat with his back to the door and to the person who entered, but Alhaitham came just close enough for Kaveh to notice out of the corner of his eye that it was him. He silently put some documents on the table and left the cabinet without a second glance.

Thoughts were running through Kavehs head so painfully quickly that he didn’t notice how the meeting ended, he had the contract in his hands to think about and maybe-surely sign, and it seemed like Nahida spoke out something about model apartments, too.

Was it him? How so? He’s so tall and handsome? No. He must have recognized Kaveh, didn’t he? What was he thinking? Oh lord, he definitely looked so pathetic and was almost in tears! Why? Is he working here? Of course he is, unlikely Nahida would call him in that familiar manner if he’s not.

And like that Kaveh spent almost two days overthinking and leaning towards the option of declining the offer, just because he can’t deal with Alhaitham right now. Thank gods he had Tighnari by his side.

“What’s the worst can happen, Kaveh? Stop whining and get your job and life together.”

“You're right, but-“, Kaveh sighs a thousand times a day, “What if he will start bullying me again? Laughing at me? What if he’ll make a disaster out of my life?”

“You're doing it just fine on your own.”

“Hey-!”

“And Alhaitham has never and would never bully you. At least now it’s in his interests to help you.”

Kaveh weirdly stares.

“If he’s truly working there. You know, contracts and stuff.”

Kaveh sighs a thousand and first time a day, “You have a point.”

So Kaveh accepted the offer. And to his own surprise he lived absolutely happily for almost half of a year as a part of Academia Models, not even seeing or talking to Alhaitham.

There was once a chance to fucked up this stability with Nahida saying, ‘Oh, darling for now there’s no available model apartment and I could only offer for you to live with Alhaitham, our chief manager, for as long as you need. He has a spare room and he’s a quite nice person, he wouldn’t be bothering you. How is this?’ At what Kaveh had panicked and, as politely as he could, refused, thinking like the potential chance to die under the bridge is better than this. Kaveh stayed at Tighnari’s place for a little longer, looking for apartments to rent, but without much success.

And now is that. The Kshahrevar presentation of a new grossly luxurious watch. Well, it was his favorite client just as Kaveh was their favorite model, the face of the brand. There will be a lot of nice people he loves and feels comfortable around. Except just one. But he can handle it.

***

They didn’t speak a word all the way from the departure area at the airport to the hotel in the neighboring city where the brand was accommodating guests invited to the presentation. Alhaitham just greeted him with “you good?” near the check-in counter and put his big ass headphones on.

He wasn’t good at all, but it can be survived. Just two hours flight and he’ll run to his hotel room so as not to be so bothered by closeness to his-

Well, bad fate.

“Excuse me, what do you mean there’s no room in my name?”, Kaveh was so shocked he asked for the third time, “Maybe this is some kind of mistake? I’m pretty sure there should be a reservation made almost two months ago”

Alhaitham, as luck would have it, stood nearby and did not leave. Kaveh wish.

“Yes, Mister Kaveh, there was two reservations, but it seems your agency administrator have canceled it just a three days ago to replace it with a new guest from Academia Models”, the receptionist girl looked like she was sincerely sorry, but she really couldn’t help much, since all the hotel was fully packed, as she said for three times, too.

Kaveh hopelessly hung his head. He couldn’t think straight to find a proper solution right now, as Alhaitham was looming around stressing him more than ever and the desk girl looking at his companion pleadingly if he can figure something out. As if!

“Let’s go”, said Alhaitham and turned around walking through the hall.

“What? Where-“, Kaveh briefly considered pretending he didn't exist and not going anywhere, but he didn't really have a choice right now.

“To my room.”

“What the fuck”, Kaveh stumbles just as Alhaitham glancing over his shoulder with piercing gaze.

“Do you have any other simple and efficient option?”, he asks.

Kaveh feels so helpless under that cold gaze, just as so many times in the past.

“Well, I could try another hotel near the place. If anything, I don’t need your help.”

“Okay, then go and find a place.”

At that Alhaitham enters the elevator holding his room card ready to attach to the button board and looking expectantly at Kaveh who was standing still.

For a couple of seconds Kaveh imagines how much effort he will spend on finding and placing in a hotel at this time of the season and looking fiercely he nevertheless enters the elevator. Well, maybe he can find something good in the current circumstances. It’s a nice chance to observe his ex friend— natural curiosity took him over. Maybe they could get along well for two days? There was nothing new about them spending time in the same room. He tried not to think about the same bed.

“It wasn’t necessary to be difficult, was it?”, Alhaitham gives him a subtle smug look. It twitches Kavehs nerves instantly.

“Isn't it your job to solve these kinds of problems with models?”

“And I did exactly this.”

Kaveh rolls his eyes not wanting to continue bickering or argue his problem solving methods, and deep inside he promises to strangle the Wanderer, who was their agency’s administrator and somehow messed up these reservations.

Alhaitham has a spacious hotel suite with a nice city view, Kaveh notes to himself as soon as he enters the room. He immediately regards the king size bed and sees the beautiful personalized pajama on it.

“Oh no-o-o, not only I’ve lost my nice room for one, I won’t get my pretty silky pajamas, too”, for some reason Kaveh expresses his disappointment out loud and runs his hand over the embroidered letters on the back of smooth long sleeve shirt.

“You can take it”, Alhaitham replies.

Kaveh turns around indignantly and throws up his hands, “It's not the same! Here is your name. I want mine.”

Alhaitham hums and picks up the phone to contact reception while Kaveh beelines to unpack his small bag in the wardrobe.

“Good evening, I have a question. Do you by chance have any spare pajamas for the Kshahrewar guests? Maybe you put out someone's personalized ones? Name is Kaveh.”

Kaveh peers questioningly from behind the closet doors.

“Yes. Thank you. And one more thing, can I ask you to place an extra bed in the room, please? If you have one. Thank you again.”

At this, Kaveh experiences some not very pleasant feeling, but he can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. It's not at all that he's upset that Alhaitham doesn't want to share the bed with him, it's just Alhaitham generally never causing any good feelings in him. He wants to comment somewhat caustically.

“Oh, how thoughtful of you”, with a slight look of disdain and a false smile.

“What?”, genuinely asks Alhaitham, turning around with a puzzled look.

“Nothing, it’s just so nice that you’ll be enjoying yourself on a huge three person capacity soft bed while I’m gonna be huddling on an uncomfortable folding bed. So caring of you, as always.”

“We can share the bed, if you want.”

“Are you serious?”, Kaveh exclaims— how come it doesn't occur to him to offer out of sheer politeness to sleep on the folding bed himself?! “No, thank you. I choose a cot,” he proclaims and heads to the bathroom. Gods know, he needs a little break from this. Alhaitham is still the same: egoistic to the point basic good manners never come to his mind.

After a solid thirty minutes of hot showering and berating himself for everything that happened today, Kaveh coming out of the bathroom wrapped fully in a huge soft hotel towel. He didn’t take his pajama with him, being confident he’ll get it from the brand as was stated. It seems his sleeping place has already been installed and made up by housekeepers, but with no pajamas on it. He looked sheepishly at Alhaitham who was lying on his bed on top of the blankets, with a book in his hands.

“Ahem, they didn’t find my-?”

“Nope”, Alhaitham doesn’t look up from the book.

“Could I please take yours?”, asks Kaveh in a small voice. How embarrassing, but it would be more embarrassing to sleep only in underwear.

Alhaitham puts the book down with an amused look on his face.

“And what do you suppose I should wear then?”

“Umm”, Kaveh blushes a little, thinks fast and chatters, “Well, I could take the shirt, it seems big enough for me, and you can use the pants then..”

“Please”, he adds, hoping Alhaitham wouldn’t start making fun of him now.

After ten embarrassing seconds of silence, Alhaitham spares the jokes and gets his book back, “Suit yourself.”

Kaveh breathes a sigh of relief, thanks him so quietly he probably doesn’t notice and, still with a rose cheeks, grabs a shirt, going back to the bathroom to change. It fits well, long enough to cover his ass. Simultaneously scolding himself and thanking himself for getting something to wear, Kaveh silently goes straight to his little bed in the middle of the room, puts on a sleeping mask and earplugs, and tries to fall asleep faster, not minding Alhaitham in the room. What a day. He needs a good rest before tomorrow comes.

***

Kaveh has to face the consequences of his choice of clothes the very next morning. They’ve both slept safe and sound till breakfast time. He was awakened by a loud knock on the door. Waking up so suddenly he hurried to open the door for the waiter with a breakfast cart. They were excellent here, and Kaveh still sleepily sniffed the delicious smells as he held the door for the waiter, who was now placing the cart inside the room. Porridge, omelets, toasts with jam, bacon, fresh fruits, juices, tea and coffee, this is only what he managed to notice.

“Uh, good morning”, a low hoarse voice breaks his food dreams.

Alhaitham stood up from the bed, throwing back the blanket and rubbing his eyes with his fist. Half naked body left absolutely nothing for imagination. Kaveh gaze inadvertently fixed on him— fluffy mess of hair, defined flexible muscles and tanned skin looking so smooth. He must be following a dangerous train of thoughts now, but even just for a second it looked so undoubtedly hot. Damn it. Alhaitham stretched leisurely and then blinked at Kaveh slowly and sleepily. His cheeks were slightly red because the room was too warm, since they forgot to turn on air-conditioner for the night.

“Excuse me-“

Kaveh only came to his senses when the waiter— clearly second-hand embarrassed— tried to squeeze through him to get out. He thanked him belatedly and looked again at oblivious Alhaitham, who watched around the room with an unseeing gaze, as if trying to collect where he was. Something like nostalgia achingly hit Kaveh through his bones— there were times when all this scene was his usual morning routine, maybe even the best of his times.

“You’re still hopeless in the mornings, huh”, he mutters under his breath and shakes his head.

The breakfast went in silence, Alhaitham tried to regain his consciousness with coffee while Kaveh was idly freaking out about the sudden burst of attraction long since buried deep inside and trying not to linger his gaze in totally unnecessary places of the room.

“What is your plan for today?”, asked Alhaitham after they finished their meal and rolled the half empty cart in the corridor.

“Branch, presentation, afterparty”, Kaveh answered, bending the fingers on one hand, the other drying his freshly washed hair with a towel in front or the mirror.

Actually, it was his favorite part: getting ready, beautifying himself, choosing clothes and then go shine among the crowd of equally wonderful people, chatting, drinking, spreading the positive vibes and getting it backwards as well. For this event, they don’t have a beauty team, but it’s okay, Kaveh still loves to work it up by himself.

“And yours?”, he asked in sheer politeness.

“Only afterparty”, Alhaitham replied, looking directly at Kaveh through the mirror, which was somehow quite irritating.

“Huh? Why?”

“The rest are not very enrichment activities”

“Says the one who chooses to go on a drunken rave?”

“There would be some people I need to interact with”

“Whatever”, Kaveh really doesn't need to know the details, he was merely relieved he’ll have almost all day without Alhaitham in sight, what a munificence.

He started his thorough beauty routine constantly catching glances through the mirror. It makes him unsettling in a special way he has only for the staring one, but at the same time pleased. Honestly, he loves showing off a bit. Especially in what he was best— being pretty. It’s a pity Alhaitham took a nap at the time he tried his outfits, fairly not his loss. He left the room silently looking forward to a great day.

The brunch was nice and elegant. Around fifty people close to the brand, all pleasant and good looking. Kaveh sat with a cute girl, journalist or editor of some fashion magazine— he didn’t quite remember since she was talking too much and too fast, still he was glad to talk to her. On the other side sat his good acquaintance, PR manager of the Kshahrewar, a man the same age as Kaveh, cheerful and businesslike. They chatted about nothing, exchanged news and decently praised the old founder of the brand, who sat at the head of the table and smiled so bright that it charged the whole room.

After the brunch Kaveh got back to the room to change his outfit and found out he didn’t take the key card. No one responded from inside, so Kaveh had to go down to the reception to kindly ask for a duplicate. On his way up he thought through some witty insults or some nasty options to wake up a person, but it seems Alhaitham was actually out. Out of playful mood mixed with irritation he indulges himself in leaving a note written in bold “I’m gonna choke you!!! >:[“. Afterwards, he puts on another fine suit, lightly fixes his hair and makeup and proceeds to the main hall, joining the motley crowd.

The main event — the presentation — was uneventful, not any pun intended. Kaveh just kept enjoying the time, diving into the passion of being around such great artists of all kinds. He looked at the new watch models, the founder even gave him to try that new, the most expensive and beautiful one. At that Kaveh panicked a little remembering the jewelry accident, but the panic quickly dissipated giving way to a sparkle of felicity by wearing that beautiful piece of art. He also was tending to love mechanics so he spent a great amount of time looking at exhibited gears.

Returning to the room, he threw himself on the bed, still in his suit and breathed deeply, overwhelmed with emotions of the day. Alhaitham was in the bathroom getting himself ready.

“Don’t even think about napping, Kaveh”, he speaks through the open door.

“Shut up, I know my business”, Kaveh snaps back, truly knowing it would be so great to sleep a little.

“I ordered you a dinner in the room”

“Huh?”, Kaveh sits up, surprised. He was really hungry and just noticed it now.

“By knowing perfectly well you’d forget to eat, thus to prevent high alcohol intoxication throughout the night. We don’t need any accidents.”

“What the hell do you mean?! I’ve never caused any troubles, I know how to behave both drunk and sober, what the hell do you mean?!”

And actually Kaveh probably knew what he meant. There was two or three or maybe more times, when they were students, when Kaveh was getting drunk as hell, and Alhaitham had to deal with some various troubles by it, from dragging him home to dealing with annoying guys or listening to endless problems Kaveh had.

Alhaitham comes back to the bedroom with a pointed look at Kaveh and a subtle smirk. Kaveh might have experienced some rapid thumps in the chest by looking at the amused glint in his eyes, but he quickly blames it on irritation. As soon as he opens his mouth with a huge intent to start a fight there’s a knock on the door. A waiter brings in his dinner interrupting the argument and maybe it’s for the good. Kaveh shuts and starts to eat a nice hot fat shawarma, it’s a blessing in fact.

Alhaitham is scurrying back and forth across the room in silence putting the finishing touches before leaving and Kaveh unintentionally observes over him. He’s still tall, infuriatingly handsome, muscular and this excellent teal black costume looks absolutely gorgeous on him. His movements are soft, smooth and precise as if he were a big cat. Kaveh naturally starts to imagine him on magazine covers and advertisements, and well it’s not quite an unpleasant sight. When he gets to the point of imagining him in a perfume commercial, Alhaitham notices his unhealthy interest and raises an eyebrow at it. Kaveh really doesn’t know how to explain so he just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. Not a very wise decision taking into account his trail of thoughts.

“Umm, just.. Just wondering, have you ever considered working as a model?”

“Oh, are you trying to compliment me?”, he smirks again.

Kaveh’s face quickly turns red.

“What the fuck? Why would I?! Stop making some stupid assumptions, I’m just trying to figure it out: how did you end up working in a model industry with all your ambitions back then?”, he cringes both by lying ugly and being the first one mentioning the past out loud, “maybe you’ve tried to be a model and didn’t succeed, huh?”

Maybe Kaveh is seeing things but it seems Alhaitham’s gaze grows a little colder. Or maybe changes something else.

“No, Kaveh. I don’t have a rich bag of versatile jobs.”

Ouch.

“Finish your meal and get ready, I’ll be waiting for you outside”, he adds, fastening his black gloves and leaves without a glance.

Kaveh exhales in frustration. Why are they always like this? Alhaitham never minces his words and every time Kaveh says something it looks like he’s making it his main challenge to drive him crazy. As if they were on opposite sides of the barricades not being able to have even a small talk without a fight. Alhaitham always contradicts his statements, it doesn't matter if they are significant ones or just words about the weather. And Kaveh in turn always overreacts because to be misunderstood all the time is too annoying. And then he becomes the worst version of himself, saying nasty things he doesn't mean. It came only with Alhaitham for some reason. It seems nothing has changed. But what should Kaveh had to do or say now? That yes, Alhaitham, I actually was thinking you’re hot as hell, you could be a star with that face and body of yours, but don’t even think for a second I like you, it’s just an objective observation, maybe this costume just suits you so well, maybe other ones would suit you, too or none at all. As if! He would end up being mocked to the death after that. No, thank you very much.

Kaveh puts aside the unfinished shawarma— sudden loss of an appetite— and proceeds to the closet to take his last outfit for today. Surely a disgustingly expensive white shirt with an open back and gold embroidered crimson cape will lift his mood up in a blink.

***

The afterparty took place on the roof of the hotel where they were staying: open and covered areas in case of bad weather, small green garden, stage, two bars, tables, divans, dance floor, and even a swimming pool— everything you could wish for for a luxurious party and yes, Kaveh is excited. There should be a bigger number of people than during the day, where only the closest circle was present. Alhaitham was waiting for him in the elevator hall, as he said, so they reached the top floor together in complete silence and approached the receptionist’s desk so the staff could check their invitations.

After all these formalities they’re heading to the entrance, Alhaitham opens the door for them and lightly touches the exposed area of ​​his back with his other hand. Kaveh almost didn’t shudder. The crowd inside is noisy, the music is playing, so he tilts his head towards Alhaitham.

“There’s no need to manhandle me-“

Click! The white light of the photo flash blinds Kaveh and he immediately puts on his best smile turning to the camera. Click!

“Very well now, let's not delay the queue and move forward, shall we?”, Kaveh laughs charmingly when, in fact, he is a little annoyed.

They slip away from the intrusive photographer and part their ways near the bar. Alhaitham just nods to him in acknowledgment and disappears into the crowd. Kaveh plops down on a stool, exhales and smiles more sincerely. Now that’s the night!

He orders a glass of wine to start, so that he can continue with gin later, and views the crowd, immediately seeing several familiar faces who greets him afar. He waves his hand at them all at once and chooses to approach his friend Layla first, since he knows she’s gotta be going soon— she never stays late at the parties, too much dedicated to healthy sleep.

And so he spends a couple of hours— chatting here and there, drinking his gin, posing for the cameras, not seeing any sight of Alhaitham (not that he’s checking) and in general bathing in the atmosphere of wealth and luxury of modern times. How grateful he is to live his life and to be a part of something like this!

But there’s always a fly in the ointment.

There were two people Kaveh couldn't stand in his life. To be honest even one— Alhaitham, as vexing as he may be, was completely harmless (except for poor Kaveh’s heart), he could handle staying with him in one room, if they wouldn’t have to talk, of course— but this one… is something. His name is Siraj, he’s a well-known and presumably talented photographer. He made a name for himself taking pictures only with handsome men. Most famous series, which made him a star in the industry, was the art book of black and white nude photos — since then everyone was talking about him, and not only good, but also dubious. There were also rumors that he seems like trying to create his own agency, made up of only men; Kaveh has never paid attention to the details. See, Kaveh is usually a super friendly person, a kind heart, he never treats people with prejudice and is always ready and glad to help even to his own detriment. But Siraj made him roughly itch from the first sight. They’ve met at some other event, and there weren't any particular issues, it’s just his behavior— he looks at you nastily, talks vulgar things, allows some inappropriate jokes and never can read the room or, more likely, doesn’t want to, confident in his superiority. Kaveh just knew, almost physically felt, Siraj wants to get into his pants badly, and it makes him feel sick to the core. He asked him out a couple of times and was rejected, which didn't stop him from trying again and again, more and more persistently every single time they met, to the point of stupidity. Even though Kaveh was working as a model, he was not only pretty but also highly intelligent, and was attracted to no less intelligence, not to mention kindness, tact, good manners and all that. So, he became sour every time he noticed Siraj at the sight and tried his best to avoid him and his dense flirting.

Today is no exception— as soon as Kaveh traced where the sudden unpleasant eyeing came from and met the glistening eyes of Siraj, he knew the amazing night was over for him. He orders a full rocks glass of gin.

Kaveh was drunk as hell and still, he managed to avoid the encounter for almost half an hour and cope with it with one more glass. Siraj eventually caught him near the pool, while Kaveh was cornered and could not run further— on one side there was water, on the other a tightly packed group of people.

“Hi, cutie, long time no see, I almost forgot how pretty you are in full size”, Siraj greeted him with a gross grin.

“Hello, Siraj.”

I wish I could go for just as long without seeing you remains unsaid but Kaveh hopes that it is conveyed fully with a cold gaze. To no avail, of course.

“Ah, I see you don't like the party either. You bet! It's rare to see such a large number of pompous, stupid rich people in one rather tasteless place, a huge bingo!”, he laughs at his not so witty remark.

Kaveh forces a polite smile.

“So, maybe we can continue the night somewhere more pleasantly, my lovely Cinderella?” Siraj moves closer to him and Kaveh tries to step back but bumps into someone. An arm wraps around his waist to prevent any dangerously unsteady movements at the edge of the pool.

“Greetings, Siraj,” Kaveh turns his head sharply towards Alhaitham’s voice above and almost hits his nose against his jaw. He’s reeling back and barely balancing on two legs again, but Alhaitham just presses him a little tighter for the sake of stability.

Siraj winces ugly, “Hello Alhaitham, how’s life?”, clearly not interested in his life.

“Good. Could we maybe move over?”, asks Alhaitham pointedly and then everything happens within a seconds.

He drops his hand from the waist and pushes Kaveh lightly forward, meanwhile Siraj opens his arms, stretching out his hands to Kaveh. Kaveh, being drunk and not able to comprehend things fast and right, imagines that Alhaitham hands him over to Siraj, and immediately kicks up a fuss, jerking his hand hard and scarejumping to the side. Having miscalculated his strength, he awkwardly stumbles and loses his footing.

Then a water washes over his head. For some reason this amused him so much that he opens his mouth and laughs, but under water all that comes out is a gurgling sound. The water is nice and he feels so light. After this, apparently, his brain, overflowing with all kinds of emotions, switches off and memories become rare flashes. Bam— he is pulled up on the surface with force under the knees and back and he rests his heavy head on Alhaitham shoulder, still giggling. Bam— he is writhing and whining from the discomfort of wet clothes. Bam— he contentedly hugs and inhales the feather pillow, he loves them dearly. And then he remembers nothing.

***

Kaveh usually is a morning flower: he likes to wake up early and to do his usual morning rituals: some exercises, shower, skin and hair care, a coffee and a breakfast and some time for positive thoughts for the day. Usually this time is the happiest. Today he’s more like a mourning flower.

He wakes up with a swearings on his lips. His body feels sore, head hurts and the throat is dry; to double his suffering he also might have a little hangover depression, with a gloomy guilty mood with tingles of aggression inside. He grumbles and rolls over onto his back.

“Good morning. Or, rather, not,” he hears a mirthful voice too close for his liking.

“What the fuck?”, Kaveh doesn’t have the energy to move, so he continues to look at the ceiling with a frown, “what the hell are you doing in my bed? Anyway, I’m not in the mood for any arguments so please, just go…somewhere…away”

“Mhm, take this.”

In his field of vision he sees a hand holding a glass of water and pills. Oh, that should work.

Kaveh musters some energy to sit up and take pills. He finishes his water in small sips and looks around: curtained window, desk with a chair, small sofa, commode, TV, his folding bed, Alhaitham on the bed beside him with a book in his hands. Shit.

“Oh my god,”Kaveh groans and winces. He tries to remember what was happening yesterday night and couldn’t quite collect all the memories. “Did I… I slept here?”

“Mhm,” Alhaitham looks at him with the curiosity of a cat and waits.

“Did I do something inappropriate? Wait, don’t tell me. I remember falling into the pool”, he rubs his face in embarrassment. Well, it wasn’t quite his fault, but still, it’s a shame.

“And?”, Alhaitham surely is having some fun, judging by his amused voice.

“And what?”, Kaveh whirls around to his face, partly scared, partly annoyed.

“You do remember what happened after you fell?”

“I don’t.” Kaveh folds his arms across the chest and strains the last remaining brain cell in an attempt to remember anything. Alhaitham doesn’t bother him in a couple of minutes, returning to the book.

“So, perhaps you want to ask, was there anything between us?”, he eventually asks in a serene tone, turning the pages of the book.

Kaveh glares, “No, are you kidding? I’m sure I would never do something like that!”, inside he's not as sure of it as he sounds. Usually he wasn’t a horny drunk but Alhaitham was never his usual matter.

“Oh?”

At that Kaveh tries to hit him, but Alhaitham elegantly dodges without being distracted from the book. Only now Kaveh notices that he’s almost naked except his underwear and cringes, trying to bury himself in a blanket and thinking feverishly about the night. He couldn’t perform anything like that, right?

“Would you already tell me what happened, asshole? Or stop teasing me and shut up forever!”

Alhaitham huffs with a smile and gives him a long attentive look.

“Nothing happened. You fell into the pool, I got you out of there and brought you into the room. You undressed, went to my bed and fell asleep. That’s it.”

“That’s it?”, Kaveh narrowed his eyes.

“Oh, you were talking nonsense all the way, of course. Whining about wet clothes. And something about how you love feather pillows and comments about chests, should I elaborate?”, Alhaitham's eyes crinkled.

Kaveh gets out of bed awkwardly, throwing away the blanket to quickly go to the shower— he’s in a great need to wash away the embarrassment now.

“Hope that was something about treasure chests”, he mutters under his breath.

“Surely not.”

And so he runs off to the bathroom.

***

Kaveh stumbles into Tighnari’s apartment still slightly hungover.

“Hello, I’m back,” he shouts to warn of his presence.

“Hello-hello,” Tighnari perks up out of the kitchen holding a ladle in his hand, “I’m preparing a dinner, want some?”

“Oh, hell, yeah!” Kaveh exclaims with a huge smile and goes to the living room that was his temporary residence to drop his bags.

Later, when they are sitting at the dining table, Tignari looks at him carefully and asks, “So, how did it go?”

Kaveh shakes his head and takes a spoon to finally eat some normal food since the hasty breakfast.

“Everything went… Well, mostly fine. The presentation was amazing, the parties too, the watches they released are over the top, as usual. I met a lot of my old acquaintances and some new people too. On the downside, Wanderer messed up the bookings and my room was given to someone else, so I had to share the room with Alhaitham, and I also fell into the pool at the afterparty. But that was almost at the end of the night, so I don't think anyone really noticed and nobody will scold me.” Kaveh briefly sums up the trip.

Tighnari hums with interest.

“And Alhaitham?”, he asks cautiously.

Tignari, of course, was aware of the whole picture since the beginning. He witnessed their friendship, their quarrels and separation and, to some extent, Kaveh's feelings about that.

“He’s still the same arrogant annoying smartass as he used to be. Nothing interesting,” Kaveh snorts.

“Huh,” Tighnari gets lost in his thoughts and Kaveh is getting tense.

“What’s huh?”

“Are you like… getting along well or something?”

“What the fuck is something? If you think that we ran happily towards each other, hugged and became best friends again, then no, not even close. Ew,” Kaveh expresses his disgust with a wince. “I told you, he’s the same insufferable asshole, but it was bearable just because we talked for like ten minutes in total throughout this two-day trip. Nothing special.”

“Well, I suppose you haven’t seen some… news,” Tighnari reaches his phone, “Better chew it down,” he adds, nodding towards the stew.

Kaveh swallows hard and prepares for the worst. Thoughts are swarming in his head quickly, one worse than the other; what could have happened? No, if there had been something terrible, Nahida would have already informed him. Falling into the pool? Maybe he hit some big shot or ruined someone's expensive thing? He wipes his wet palms on his pants and reaches for Tighnari’s phone.

“Wait, tell me first, is it really bad? Like, will it end my career?”

“Definitely, no.”

“Okay. Okay. That’s good,” he thinks again, “It’ll piss me off?”

“Presumably, yes.”

Kaveh picks up the phone. An article in some tabloid. A gutter one but still, a popular one.

“Kshahrewar presentation. The Light sheds on his love life. What. The. Fuck.”

On the main page there are two pictures, the same ones where the photographer caught them right at the entrance. To be honest, the pictures are even beautiful: the first photo is from the waist up, where Kaveh tilts his head to Alhaitham, who is holding him by the waist and seems-to-be smiling with his eyes downcast. The second, a portrait: Kaveh is smiling brightly at the camera, and Alhaitham is looking at him with his crystal teal eyes.

“Oh my god,” cries Kaveh aloud, he’s absolutely mortified.

“Read through this.”

Kaveh looks at him plaintively but nevertheless, he returns to the article and examines it briefly.

“Arrived at the official presentation with his partner for the first time, blah-blah, the worker said that they lived in the same room, he personally served them and caught them off guard, are they even allowed to spread such information?” he reads and his face changes at the speed of light, generally expressing the same disgust. It's not that he was directly irritated by the assumptions in the article, but by the very fact of its existence, and some details that were collected and twisted to the wrong conclusions. “At the end of the afterparty and the incredible fall into the pool, he carried him in his arms.”

At the end there were a few more photos attached, right from the accident: from afar, where Alhaitham is holding him in his arms bridal style and Kaveh is laughing loudly, another one closer and from a different angle, and the last one even closer, from behind, where it can be seen how Kaveh is hugging Alhaitham around the neck and pressing his whole body against him with a chuckle. Alhaitham has his typical impassive face in all the pictures.

The silence in the air of the kitchen is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Kaveh is speechless.

“Tighnari, I’m dying,” the only thing he can get out of himself now.

***

Kaveh’s love life was, to put it more gently, miserable. As a teenager he was an idealist and a dreamer. Of course, he dreamed of a great love forever at first sight. Having matured and gone through some experience, these dreams acquired a more realistic form: he searched for someone who was genuinely interested in his personality, who can hear him and listen to, who can care, respect, love in the end — bare minimum bar. The rest is optional. He wasn’t particular about the appearance or financial matters of a partner, just expected at least someone equal or so. He tried dating back in university, but he was so busy that nothing serious ever came of it. After, he was focused on his career and still busy: constant flights to different regions and photoshoots, shows, presentations left him with little free time. Besides, it was almost impossible to meet anyone outside the industry, he barely visited any public places or events, like grocery shops, cinemas, restaurants, concerts. And if he does and someone tries to talk to him, he rather feels uneasy: does this person know him already? Seen him on the billboards? It's not like he was a big star, but he already had a negative experience in this area— Kaveh was gullible and his trust was betrayed. This often happens with beautiful and popular people: it is difficult to understand, among all the people, who’s showing their interest to get to know him, who treats you sincerely, and who just wants to get something, be it popularity at his expense or sex with a handsome young man to show off to friends. He wasn’t against hook ups either, but he was more inclined towards serious relationships. The list of his attempts included: a man who, as it turned out later, was married and just wanted a mistress on the side; another man who was willing to pay him to film some perversions on camera, because he was handsome and looked like his ex; a model guy who wanted to raise his price and become more popular at his expense.

That be said, again, his love life was miserable and practically non-existent. So to see his cooked-up relationships on the news made him feel pretty much agitated. He was worried about it for half the night and couldn't sleep, rushing partly towards anger, partly towards curiosity and questioning what will come of this. He wanted to yell at Alhaitham so bad for why the hell he was sticking to him then, but he was purely aware it wasn’t his fault. And mostly he just wanted to discuss it: to hear his opinion, to grumble about it together, maybe to come up with something to fix this; why should he suffer alone? Unfortunately, they weren’t on talking terms, Kaveh doesn’t even have his number or socials. He tried to search for it, but to no avail, even this big ass tabloid couldn’t recognize “the mysterious lover”. Another problem that occupied his thoughts: the same evening Tighnari dropped the news on him that he wanted to move in with his boyfriend, which meant that Kaveh urgently needed to find a new place to stay. Not in the very near future, but it was already necessary to consider it.

Only one person could help him with both his problems— Nahida. So he saved the photos with Alhaitham, to display them to her, it's the only reason, and decided to visit the office tomorrow. Maybe he even could catch a glimpse of Alhaitham there and talk to him.

***

When he arrived at the office the very next morning there was chaos. Nahida was buried in documents up to her head, the Wanderer ran here and there, the managers were all in a hurry, each in his own direction.

“Hello?” he says hesitantly, “What’s going on? Could I help you?”

“Good morning, dear,” The top of Nahida's head peeks out from behind a stack of folders, “Is there anything urgent I can help you with now?”

“I suppose my problems can wait, what is happening here?” he asks, not daring to put his own problems on Nahida.

“Oh, nothing serious, it’s simply the end of a tax period, among with the beginning of a show season, and as luck would have it, our dear Alhaitham got sick, so we’re spinning around in the fire as best we can,” she nods confidently, not showing any sign of exhaustion and then asks again, more attentive, “You wanted to discuss something?”

“Umm, I just wanted to check again on the state of available model apartments, I guess,” he lowers his head, feeling a little guilty about his obtrusion. The rant about tabloid articles could absolutely wait.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but at this moment I’m certain there’s no convenient option, since the season starts…” she keeps thinking and taps her finger on her chin, “Maybe after this some place will become available, I’ll look for it, don't worry please, I'm monitoring the situation. It's not that urgent for you, is it?”

“No, not at all,” Kaveh smiles politely, hoping his face doesn’t crack open, revealing the truth of how much it’s, in fact, urgent. He can’t wait till the season ends, that’s for sure. But maybe he can make enough money with shows to afford to rent some apartments for a short term.

“Otherwise, I can still offer you the option of staying at Alhaitham’s place. You probably already understood what a calm and quiet person he is, there shouldn’t be a single problem.”

Kaveh looks in her sincere eyes expressing full will to help him, and doesn’t know how to verbalize it right to her. He doesn't even have time to speak before Nahida snaps her fingers and exclaims.

“You know what? Let’s do this,” she beamed as if she came up with a great plan, “I urgently need to give him the documents for his projects for signature. I was just about to order a courier, but since you're here, it would be a great idea if you go to him and hand them over, right? And at the same time, you can take a look at the apartment, think, maybe it will suit you? And you can check on Alhaitham, too, how is he doing, because he hasn't answered my messages all day.”

“Wait, what-“, Kaveh says in shock.

“I’ll give you his address now, and a couple of folders, would you please?” she hands him a stack of documents to hold while she looks for the right one, “Somewhere over there… aha! Here you go.”

She takes the stack back, replacing it with three thin gray folders, and puts a note with an address on top.

“Give him this and my wishes for a speedy recovery, we are really looking forward to seeing him here. And let me know if you want to move in,” Nahida instructs him, “Ah, the documents that he signs can be sent back by courier, or bring them over yourself, if you are free. I will be glad to chat with you some more!”

So she pats his hand with a smile and Kaveh takes his clue to leave. Nahida did a good job with delegating work and kill two birds with one stone. And it seems now there’s another person who can help Kaveh with all his problems. He hates it.

***

The building where Alhaitham lives was pretty close to the office, so Kaveh decided to take a walk, since the weather was nice and warm and he needed some time to contemplate what he would say. He also considered buying a broth, just in the sake of decency, but he didn’t quite know what Alhaitham was sick with, so. He still bought a broth to go and focaccia in the restaurant nearby, and grabbed some pasta for himself, cause it’s lunch time already. He hoped that Alhaitham wouldn’t mind sharing a meal together. Otherwise, he’d just leave all the dishes to him, like it wasn’t for them both. The rest of the way Kaveh overthinks something like what if Alhaitham just injured his hand or so and here are you with the broth, a great target for jokes.

He shakes his head to drive away stupid thoughts and pushes the intercom button with the apartment number. Seems like this building was new and modernlike: transparent doors behind which a large marble hall could be seen. The intercom transmits a connection signal, interrupting Kaveh’s design review, and he starts babbling.

“Hello? Alhaitham, it’s me, Kaveh, um, Nahida asked me-“, then he hears an approving signal without any answer and the door opens.

He makes it to the elevator and up to a high floor, checking the folders with documents, the bag with the food, his appearance in a big elevator mirror and nods to himself. It’s not like he’s nervous, it’s just he didn’t know how the conversation would turn out. They didn’t speak for six years, after all. Noticeably more than they ever talked. Kaveh just didn’t know how to start to speak to him again. He prefers not to think about whether he wants it or not.

He rings the doorbell with a gulp. Alhaitham opened a door in a few seconds and looked at Kaveh with bleary eyes. He’s wrapped in a blanket from head to toe and just stood there, blinking hazily. It’s clear he was sick with a cold. Kaveh waved his hand with a food bag.

“Hi? Can I come in? I brought you some food, here..”

Alhaitham managed to answer him after a few seconds with a raspy voice.

“I thought I was hallucinating.”

At that he turned back and marched to the couch, where he was supposedly laid before. Kaveh took it as an invitation, so he closed the door and followed Alhaitham stepping into the apartment.

It was spacious and nice actually. The ceilings were so high that a second or even a third floor could have been built here. The apartment was done in gray colors, with large floor-to-ceiling windows, soft carpets, although there was a lack of decorations or some things that would make it clear who lived here, there was nothing like it, not a picture in the frame or even a little plant. The living room was combined with a small kitchen, a sofa, a coffee table, a large TV, a kitchen island was used apparently as a dining table, with bar stools attached to it. To the left and right of the living room were two doors, apparently leading to different bedrooms. The blackout curtains were now drawn, so it was dark and Kaveh could not see enough, and it was also very stuffy and hot. Kaveh went to the window to open it, glancing into one of the bedrooms along the way. Seems like it was Alhaitham’s room, with an unmade bed and stacks of books. Kaveh chucked. He opened the curtains and the window, letting in light and fresh air, and could have continued to assess the apartment, but he was interrupted by a terrible cough from the sofa.

“Oh my god, your cough is horrible, when did you even managed to get so sick?”, Kaveh hurries to the kitchen to drop his bags, and check Alhaitham.

“The pool.”

“Oh,” Kaveh squirms guiltily.

He was always a fragile person who caught colds easily, that's not news. Kaveh remembered this from his student days, and even though Alhaitham now looked like a huge pile of muscles, it didn't seem to help him become any stronger with his health. Any draft, rain or cold floor could have made him sick. Usually, he tried to prevent such things by using a non-icy air conditioner, having plenty of warm socks, dressing appropriately for the weather, and keeping a proper sleep and diet regime. No wonder that dipping in a pool and walking around wet outdoors after made him so sick, how could he even be stupid enough to do that! Kaveh is torn between wanting to give him a proper scolding and feeling guilty. But it's not a good time for reflections, better take some responsibilities.

“Hey,” he speaks softly, as if trying not to worsen his condition with loud sounds, “Where do you keep your thermometer?”

“Bedroom, a nightstand on the left.”

Alhaitham doesn’t even contradict his actions or make witty comments — a bad sign for real.

Kaveh comes to a room he previously acknowledged as his and unintentionally takes a better look. Double bed with teal linen, two nightstands with plain lamps, desk with computer opposite the bed and a door, moderate wardrobe, and another door presumably to a bathroom. The only thing that gave life to this room was the endlessly scattered books everywhere. Kaveh chuckled again— Alhaitham doesn’t even bother himself with buying a bookshelf or something, poor designing job.

He gets to the nightstand, stopping the flow of thoughts about what and how could be improved here, and starts rummaging through the drawers. Of course, Alhaitham keeps his impressive first aid kit within easy reach, even now Kaveh sees some scattered pills on the tabletop.

The nightstands are a mess, so Kaveh has to pull out a bunch of junk to get to what he’s looking for: notebooks, sheets of paper, checks, small souvenirs, pens and pencils. Eventually he takes out a first aid box and starts putting everything back when papers fall out of one of the notebooks. He quickly collects them without delving into as something catches his attention and before he can even blink, he sees his name circled in bold several times.

Feeling like shit, just want Kaveh back.

His heart is beating so fast that his vision goes dark and he can't breathe for a second neither can’t think. He puts all the sheets of paper in a notebook, including this one in with shaking hands. Along the way, on the edge of his subconscious, he notes that this is one of the notebooks that his grandmother gave him, Alhaitham kept them as a kind of diary, writing down thoughts or quotes there sometimes. Kaveh remembered that from their student days, too. He’s not supposed to. He’s not supposed to see this. He’s not supposed to be here at all, he’s not supposed to do this, and not supposed to be in a situation where he can see something like this.

He rises with trembling knees and takes two deep breaths. Mind is surreally blank, Kaveh tries very hard to grasp at least one adequate thought, but only this phrase is imprinted in his head. A multitude of emotions took over his body and he cannot take a single step. Ghosts and illusions of the past captured the consciousness, and perhaps most powerfully now it is pierced by a sharp of grief. How bad it was, how long ago it was.

A series of coughs from the living room pulls him back into real life. There he lay right now, alive, real, of flesh and blood, a grown-up, stern, indifferent, infuriating, feeling unwell.

Kaveh’s dissociation stopped as quickly as it started and he rushes to the living room with a first aid box in his hand. He wanted to talk it over right now and here so that Alhaitham would simply brush it off like something worthless as always and all the heaviness he felt would dissipate as casually, as his words. But as soon as he saw the lump of blankets wracked with coughing, he realized that this was unlikely the best time.

He came up and lightly touched Alhaitham’s forehead, peeking out from the blanket bundle.

“Fuck, you’re so hot!”

Kaveh cringes at how it sounds, but Alhaitham doesn’t grace him with a word. He is trying to unpack the blankets, in an attempt to give him a thermometer.

“Not even a joke? Come on, you shouldn’t warm yourself up with blankets even more with that temperature you have!”

Only due to the fact that Alhaitham has no strength right now, Kaveh manages to rip the blanket and suddenly a cushion he grips out of his hands. Alhaitham turns to him with such a pout, and with these red cheeks, puffy watery eyes, and that expression on his face as if he’s ready to whimper, he looks almost like a child. Alhaitham reaches out his hands, clenching and unclenching his fists, as if begging for his stuff back, and Kaveh can't help but to feel a lethal surge of fondness.

“Okay,” he smiles involuntarily, “You can have your supporting cushion back, young man, but only after we measure your temperature.”

Alhaitham pouts again but relaxes and lies down straight, closing his eyes, as if giving permission for any necessary manipulations. Kaveh bends down to put the thermometer and unwittingly shoots his eyes at the bare upper body. The muscles of the chest and abdomen are so clearly defined even in a relaxed state, the tanned skin moist from the fever looks so smooth and touchable. Kaveh swallows and lightly movies Alhaitham limp arm to put a thermometer, and tries so hard not to get stuck on his sharp collarbones, then long neck, then hard jaw and thin lingering smell of his shampoo or shower gel. Thank gods Alhaitham keeps his eyes closed, Kaveh thinks.

And while he is shamelessly distracted, Alhaitham takes advantage of it and makes a quick move to snatch the cushion back, and Kaveh could swear he hears a little whispering giggles. His heart thumps uneven.

“You stink.”

“Not true.”

Kaveh knows. He goes back to the kitchen island and grabs the top of it so hard, squeezing his fingers so tightly that they turn white.

He wants to escape so much right now, not only from this apartment, but from all of the sudden feelings he keeps catching all day through. This is just too much. He has his own life full of problems and worries, why would he need these rollercoaster races? He seriously considers how pathetic it would be to leave now just wishing Alhaitham a speedy recovery when he gives a voice.

“You were saying something about a broth?”

“Yeah, you want?”, Kaveh answers, getting up to unpack the food and reheat it. “Also, Nahida passed some documents to you for signing and begs you to sign them asap and send them back. They’re really struggling without you.”

He keeps talking while busying himself with the food serving and the tension drains from him magically, now he has a simple and decent task that he can do and not let stupid thoughts get into his head.

At the time the food was ready and Kaveh exhausted all topics for the monologue, Alhaitham was deeply asleep. Kaveh huffs and plops down on the floor leaning his back on the sofa, quietly turning on the TV. For some reason he feels comfortable enough to behave like this and to stay, too.

He had watched a movie and a half of the second one by the time Alhaitham woke up. He looked much fresher after napping. Kaveh warmed up the food again, they ate, Kaveh checked his temperature and forced him take some pills. He repeated to him Nahida's request, made sure everything was done, they called and sent a courier to the office. Before leaving by the evening, they exchanged phone numbers and Kaveh made him promise to text if Alhaitham needed anything or if he felt worse. Alhaitham just kept rolling his eyes and saying that he was an adult and could take care of himself. Kaveh was rolling his eyes in response and saying he could use some supervision. He didn't know why this sudden generosity occurred, but he didn't give it a second thought. And he also didn't think about those words in the little note at all.

That night, at his bed, he had restless dreams about how Alhaitham was walking away leaving him flouncing around alone and how someone was hugging him tightly and how he rested his head on someone’s shoulder and felt endless comfort.

***

Anil Emre Daldal — M

Alhaitham didn’t text him for two days. Neither did Kaveh. He just didn’t know what to say. Even simple ‘how are you feeling’ seemed somehow self inserting and generally out of place in their relationship. It was one thing pretending everything was okay when they happen to be in one closed space, and it's quite another when they have no single reason to communicate at all. But Kaveh didn't think about it too much because he was busy with his own affairs. Fittings before the show week, fresh snaps for a new trip, castings and a couple of catalog shootings — everything went just fine and usual.

Today he came to the office to approve his new book with the manager when he was caught by Nahida and delighted with the news that he was taken on a big, important and well-paid project. Like, really fabulous. It was a month long reality show on TV about modeling, the details were still a secret, but after a last call backs there will be an official meeting for participants, where all the ins and outs will be revealed.

What a joy and relief it was for Kaveh! Not only did he not have to look for a place to stay for now, but after this reality show he would probably be able to afford to buy an apartment right away, which was, in fact, his sincere dream. Not to mention how his popularity will grow after appearing on TV, and consequently the amount and cost of work. Kaveh could have been daydreaming about it all day long, but then Nahida asked him if he had decided anything about accommodation in Alhaitham’s apartment, since Alhaitham himself still showed no signs of life at work.

Kaveh promised to give her an answer as soon as possible. And he, either because of a good mood or something else, suddenly came up with a decision to visit Alhaitham again. First of all, to really discuss the vague prospect of living together— you never know what could go wrong with this reality show, you should never rule out such a possibility; and also to rant about the article in the tabloid, which he had almost managed to forget about.

“Hello-o-o!” Kaveh puts his wide smile on as soon as the door opens instantly after his ring.

“What are you doing here?” Alhaitham stands on the threshold in soft gray pants and loose t-shirt with his usual disinterested face.

“Not even hello Kaveh, it’s nice to see you again?” he furrows his brows in play.

“I would fairly argue with this statement,” answers Alhaitham and opens the door wider, stepping back and letting the guest in.

“You-! I just wanted to check that you weren't dead yet! Who, if not me!” he throws his hands up as he brisks past him to sit on the bar stool.

“Such self-assuredness, huh?” Alhaitham closes the door and Kaveh seems to hear him chuckling, but can only see his back.

“See if I ever do a single nice thing to you!”

Alhaitham turns around and just smiles at him, and Kaveh stares.

Only now he notices a quiet, slow melody playing in the apartment. It’s beautiful but creates too romantic of an atmosphere— Kaveh fidgets uncomfortably.

“What is it? Were you planning a romantic evening and I disturbed?“

Alhaitham hums with the music reflectively, his gaze drifts to the sound system and then he approaches the stove.

“No, it’s just something from my playlist, I was about to prepare dinner.”

“Oh,” his cheerful mood is slightly disrupted by the romantic song and he feels awkward now. Like, there’s Alhaitham, he was preparing dinner in his home clothes to this amorous song, in his sun-drenched apartment. Kaveh imagines living together, like that, and feels as sure as he doesn’t belong here.

“So, why did you come? Surely there’s a solid reason other than checking on my wellbeing. Or did you just want to sit here in my presence?”

Kaveh wrinkles his nose— as if Alhaitham just read his doubting thoughts.

“Well, yeah,” he intentionally skips the last part he said, “Since you clearly feel better and we don’t need to make you take pills like a little child, there’s something I want to discuss, I guess?”

“You guess?” he teases without stopping cutting some vegetables.

“Shut up, let me formulate it right! I don’t want you to get the wrong idea!”

“Of what?”

“Ugh!”

And so on, they started their back and forth banter. Kaveh opened up about Nahida's offer about his accommodation, Alhaitham doesn’t seem stunned or impressed, nor does he seem upset. Kaveh noted to himself to think about it later. They smoothly moved to the sofa with their dishes— Alhaitham made a portion for him, too. They turned on TV with some stupid romcom movie and Kaveh complained about tabloid articles properly, Alhaitham again didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. He just asked, ‘why is it so bad’, and Kaveh gladly provided a list of points why. Alhaitham disrupted almost every one of them with, ‘it is actually good for your career’. Regardless, he also suggested giving a clear refutation at the very next interview or so. Kaveh agreed. Then they just watched the end of the movie in silence.

“That is so stupid! It is absolutely clear that a request to hide the relationship is a huge red flag!” Kaveh laments the plot out loud as soon as the titles go.

“Isn't it a bigger red flag to shout about your love all over and everywhere?” contradicts Alhaitham.

Kaveh turns to him feigning shock.

“Well, it depends! But nine out of ten it’s better to declare. I couldn’t imagine a normal health relationship in secrecy, smells like some kind of crap,” his nose crinkles.

“So you're saying that you'd prefer everyone knew about your relationship?” Alhaitham looks at him inquiringly.

“Of course! If I were the main character, i forgot her name, I would never agree to this,” he whirls his head away and adds quietly, “I would like my loved one to announce our love to the world, like that they treasure me, adore me, care for me, so everyone knew I’m taken, for good. Everything else is half measures, I think.”

“Needy, aren’t we?”

“SHUT UP!” Kaveh throws a cushion at him, “Why am I even talking to you, you brute.”

“What I wanted to draw your attention to is the tabloid article. You now have what you wanted and, as I can say, you aren’t particularly happy in these circumstances. You, again, contradict yourself,” Alhaitham is not exactly smiling, but small wrinkles can be seen in the corners of his eyes.

“It’s something completely different!” Kaveh yells in despair.

“It’s something completely the same,” Alhaitham smirks as if he’s winning.

“Are you nuts? Let's start with the fact that you and I are not dating at all!”

“What if we were?”

“What?” Kaveh quacks.

The photos of them two popped into his head instantly and equivocal thoughts flooded his mind. How Alhaitham held him gently, the way he looked at him, how Kaveh himself shone with a smile. What would it be like if they were happy dating? Feeling like shit, just want Kaveh back. What would it be like to sit here being loved by Alhaitham? He casts a bleary glance at the relaxed body next to him, his arms, messy hair, piercing intrigued gaze. Alhaitham must have seen something in his face and elaborated.

“What if this was a real relationship of yours that the tabloid covered? Not with me particularly, with any other person.”

Kaveh responds after a pause, “Still shit.”

“As I was stating, you contradict yourself. You need to figure yourself out better.”

“You need to figure out the concept of consent! It is one thing to announce your relationship out of your own accord, and quite another when it’s revealed against your will!”

“Would a relationship you value so much be so unwelcome to reveal?”

“Ugh! Why did you even suddenly feel the urge to get into my soul? I know what I am, and what I want and it’s none of your business, so spare yourself an effort!”

Alhaitham just started to hum with the song that turned out to be somehow playing again, the same one when he entered the apartment.

Kaveh, taken aback by his own harsh reaction and wanting to smooth things over, says calmly, “What is it?”

Alhaitham raises an eyebrow.

“The song. What language is it?”

“Some southeastern dialect.”

“Do you know that??” Kaveh was always amazed by his penchant for languages, especially the fact that he practically didn’t need them, and Alhaitham rarely was immersed in something unnecessary for him. Better say never. And still.

“Basics.”

“What is it about? It seems very melancholic,” he doesn’t even know why he keeps talking. He always does that: making a rough move and then trying to mend it.

“Why did you even suddenly feel the urge to bore into the essence of the song?”

“I swear to god!!” Kaveh loses his last crumbles of patience too quickly, hitting him with a cushion now. But Alhaitham is subtly smiling again, clearly enjoying this situation— Kaveh's chest warms with relief.

He stood up and stretched nicely, it’s too late now, he should probably go home.

“When are you planning to move in?”

“Oh, I’m not,” he tugs at his shirt and looks over his shoulder.

Alhaitham frowns in confusion.

“I just said that I was considering this option and to make sure that you were aware. But in fact, I have a different plan.”

“Would you mind sharing the details of that plan?”

Kaveh measures him with an appraising glance, as if assessing whether he is worth sharing with.

“If you hadn't skipped your work, you would have known.”

“I have a sick leave.”

“Uh-huh, I see.”

“So?” Alhaitham insists.

Kaveh gives in and can't help but smile, “I was chosen for that reality show!”

He spins in place in exaltation, “Can you imagine how great is it? How much money will I make? For your infuriating ass too, by the way, since we’re bonded to work in one agency.”

“I have no connection to the money you make.”

Kaveh rolls his eyes, “So pesky. Where’s the joy? Where are the congratulations?”

“I congratulate you dearly, Kaveh, but aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? You don’t know what it is yet,” Alhaitham hugs the cushion tightly and looks askance. If Kaveh didn’t know better he’d assume Alhaitham was worried.

“Shhh, please! Do not jinx anything, or else,” he glares and shakes his fist threateningly.

“I think I’ll go home now, it’s really late. I hope I didn’t bother you too much actually. Glad to see you getting better,” it's time to remember about politeness, really.

“No bothers. Thank you for blessing me with your presence and brightening up my loneliness, but for the record, you have my number, you can notify me about your visits,” he speaks mockingly, not a single serious note in his tone of voice.

Kaveh decides to ignore it as he heads for the door.

“Oops, totally forgot about that! Well, bye!”

And he flies out the door— quick goodbyes are the best to avoid feeling awkward at the end of the day.

Was he feeling awkward? Maybe he could, but he chose not to. Instead he breathes the night air of the streets and smiles. He thinks about how comfortable he was around Alhaitham in general, much to his surprise. And maybe he even likes that. Or maybe he likes the idea of closing his gestalt with this man and maybe even closing his gestalt. It doesn’t matter yet. He exhales and looks at the dark sky, his eyes are gleaming with quiet, reserved hope.

***

After a week of the last encounter with Alhaitham and just before the fashion week began, Kaveh had one more quick trip for the photoshoot he was eager to anticipate. It’s for the Zubayr sport and swimwear campaign with location on the beautiful coconut island— what could be better for a light break before a busy work period. Kaveh steps down the plane, breathes in the salty sea air and thinks that nothing could beat that. That’s one of the many things he adore in his work. He puts on his sunglasses and moves along with an organized group of other models to the transfer. It’s a three-day campaign, but unfortunately he only participates for two days, so he should take as much as possible from here: sun, fun, work, meetings with old friends. Nilou is here, as she was the great muse of the brand, Layla and Candace are here, too— they all from the same agency and were flying on the same plane.

As soon as they all stumble into the small lobby of the local villa hotel with elated giggles, Kaveh sees Alhaitham sitting at the hall sofa and a surprised sound escapes his throat.

“What are you doing here?”

Alhaitham gives him an unimpressed look.

“Working.”

“Hello, Kaveh!”

He shifts his gaze to the Lumine sitting next to Alhaitham, he didn’t even noticed before it was her.

“Oh, hi Lumine! How are you doing? Are you joining us on this campaign? Where’s Paimon?”

Lumine was an exceptional star, top-model without any agency. She just had one manager, Paimon, and did so good, that everyone she had ever met loved her instantly: colleagues, teammates, brands, fans. Although she wasn’t kind of super friendly, more reclusive— Kaveh couldn’t exactly call her friend— they worked together a few times and were on good terms.

Lumine laughs at his stream of questions, and answers, “I’m good! Happy to be here, but it’s a shame it’s only for one day! Paimon is too busy now to take this roundabout, so Alhaitham kindly agreed to help me with the check-in and all the other little things,” then she turned her head to him, “He's kind of assisting at this campaign, since there are most of the Academia models here? I just landed on your tails.”

“Yeah, we waited for you to arrive, now let’s go,” he rises from his seat and proceeds to the reception. Kaveh and Lumine exchange exciting glances.

They had a limited number of rooms booked, so the girls shared bungalows with each other while the boys enjoyed their single apartments in the very same bungalows, and all other workers: managers, stylists, make-up artists, photo-and videographers and so on in the main building. Kaveh plopped down on his large bed and ran through the upcoming events in his head. Evening shooting on the beach at sunset, then late evening shooting at the local sport complex, then tomorrow morning a big one shooting near the sea. In any case, the assistants should send them all the schedule, and make sure that each of them is right there and then, when they need to be. Kaveh has never had the chance to work with Alhaitam on one project, but he hasn't been at big campaigns that often either. Probably they wouldn’t even see each other.

And so he goes to do his after-the-flight and pre-photoshoot routine with a gorgeous sea view.

***

Atmosphere at Zubayr shootings and shows was always so special. There was always a lot of fuss around shooting, especially big ones, but it was the team that gathered here that was always the most cheerful: everyone talked, joked, laughed, even danced and loudly supported and praised everyone. There was always music playing in the background and there were snacks, fruits and drinks near the dressing rooms. The guys from playback were always happy to show the result to the whole team and note how great everyone was. Even the youngest assistant here was respected and on par with everyone. After the work was done for today, everyone who wanted to, if they were not too tired, gathered and sat together discussing the past day and generally communicating with each other. Kaveh had a great affinity with it in that way.

They made a fire on the beach, with the permission of the administration, grabbed the remains of snacks and drinks and enjoyed the quiet island night. Kaveh warmed up next to Itto's side — another male model in here. Kaveh sometimes wondered how he got here at all, it felt like he had no interest in the modeling world or money at all, and all he cared about was just some games with bugs and cheap pranks. But he was stately, tall and handsome, and that worked for him.

He shifted his gaze to Alhaitham —another person who somehow got into this world— he was sitting opposite with the girls and chatting about something. Kaveh watched him all day when he wasn't busy in front of the camera. Most of the day Alhaitham just sat nearby on his phone, presumably working, brought cold juice a couple of times for poor Layla who couldn't handle the heat, and occasionally chatted with the crew.

Now he began to notice how much he had changed, not only on appearance. Kaveh remembered him not quite as a downtrodden teenager, but rather as a detached person who tried to avoid interfering with people, and even if he had to, he didn't feel much delight neither did his interlocutors.

And now he communicates calmly and easily with people, even starts conversations himself, smiles and jokes when in a good mood and in small and close circles. He learned to better show his best qualities: kindness, care, intelligence, simple attitude to life; and people started liking him, too. Kaveh is a little jealous.

Apparently, he is not only a good conversationalist, but also does his job well— the team values ​​him and turns to him on various occasions to ask his opinion.

And of course Kaveh notices how some girls look at him, especially Ayaka— she is from the same agency as Itto. Even among a bunch of guys models and all sorts of staff, Alhaitham attracts attention, it's true.

All of that infuriates Kaveh in a way that Alhaitham had become a charming young man and he, let’s just say, exists. With varying success. He grew up thinking they would be top of the top together, they grew up. But it seems now the second person no longer cared about it. Kaveh didn't care either until he was forced to cross paths with his living and prosperous former friend. It has nothing to do with jealousy or rivalry, rather something about it makes Kaveh feel such yearning.

Little by little people began to go away to get some rest, the fire was dying down and it was getting colder.

“Br-r-r... Feels like the wind's creeping in from the back of my shirt,” Kaveh shudders, “And also the front.”

“It’s getting cold, you say?” Alhaitham immediately training his eyes on him, “I feel fine.”

Ayaka giggles and Kaveh detests it. Although with a little guilt.

“Ha, ah... Ah-choo!!! Whew,” Itto joins the conversation and scrutinizes Kaveh, “Let's go to the bungalows now, nah? Time to relax! The last thing we need is for our most handsome bro to catch a cold and ruin tomorrow's shoot. I’ll walk you.”

Kaveh glances at him suspiciously. Is he trying to hit on him? Probably not, it's just Itto and his manners. Anyway, he agrees because he's too tired to sit here any longer, so he says goodbye to the guys and leaves with Itto. Alhaitham's piercing gaze follows him through the night.

***

Kaveh was so tired from the day before and slept so soundly in the sea air that he almost overslept today and had to hurry in the morning. He rushed to the shooting location, where everyone had already gathered around the director for a quick briefing. Standing next to Dehya, who had apparently arrived at the site early in the morning, he quietly said his hellos and asked her to take a sip of the coffee she was holding in her hands. She looked at him and gave him the whole cup. A grateful smile escaped his lips.

Big shoots with a bunch of people were always a real headache. First, everyone had to be prepared properly, instructed, put in the right place and in the right pose, then everything had to be changed ten more times, and so on and so forth. Here, everything depended on more than just you in the frame— someone sneezed, someone blinked, someone put their hand in the wrong place again. Then one of the art directors will definitely say that someone needs to change their outfit, which will look more advantageous. It always took a long time to get what was intended. And on top of that, the scorching sun, the nasty sand that somehow ends up in the most unexpected places, a bunch of makeup and styling products that sting your nose. The model's job was not as simple and carefree as it might seem at first glance. And Kaveh understood this like no one else— he was diligent and giving his best in any situation and under any conditions.

So good that after three hours of shooting together, when everyone else went to lunch during the break, the director asked him to stay and do a few extra shots solo. He’s happy to help. Kaveh takes it all in stride, preening under camera lens like he was made to be in the spotlight. He is.

“Kaveh, you’re a sparse treasure! Unfailingly good at everything you do. Just perfect!”

Kaveh’s cheeks flushed rose at the praising of the director and he shyly looked down, expressing his gratitudes.

“Should we offer you an exclusive contract maybe? I definitely must discuss it with the boss.”

“Oh, thank you very much! I would be happy to take that, but I don’t want to displace Nilou,” the pride that swims in his chest now is almost too large to contain, but he means it.

“Kind soul. How do you survive in our cruel world?” jokes the director.

“The world isn’t kind therefore I will be,” he offers a polite smile.

“No need! I fairly think you would look so great together, actually. Your appearance matches perfectly in my vision.”

“That would be even better!” Kaveh beamed genuinely.

“We'll discuss it with your agency,” he sounds determined, “And now I can finally let you go have a bite to eat, thank you again for your time!”

“I’m glad to help!”

And he, absolutely squeezed out and tired from the sun, but in high spirits after the conversation, goes to the dressing rooms. From afar he sees Alhaitham, who is heading towards him with a bottle of cold water and a small towel. The thing that almost makes Kaveh trip over his feet— that he is wearing only shorts. The sun shimmers beautifully on his bare skin and outlines his body just right. Kaveh swallows coming closer.

“And I was just about to rescue you from the clutches of the crew, here, take this,” he’s saying and handing him the ice cold bottle.

Kaveh, beyond grateful, drinks it in one gulp.

“Let's go, I put some food aside for you,” he throws a towel over Kaveh’s shoulders and turns towards the dressing rooms. Kaveh looks at him sinking into a reverie, unable to express his thoughts in words.

Some fun is spreading around the dressing location, judging by the laughing sounds.

“Kaveh, here you are, don’t you think Alhaitham is trying to steal our jobs?” shoots Dehya feigning indignation.

“Do I look like?” Alhaitham crosses his arms, but the raised edge of his lips reveals to Kaveh that he understands perfectly well what an impression he is making. Kaveh is even amazed that he can be such a smug asshole, but mostly annoyed.

Dehya laughs loudly, “To walk around like that? I am ready to give you all my contracts voluntarily, just say a word.”

“No wa-a-ay, lady,” interrupts Itto, “I don’t think he’s nearly as good as me. And it seems he doesn't know how to smile, they won't hire him, na-ah.”

Everyone laughs, and even Alhaitham allows himself a small huffs.

“No fights, boys. There’s enough room for everyone,” adds Ayaka politely and turns her eyes with long beautiful lashes at Alhaitham, “I mean, it would be great to take some shoot with you, if anything, I’m in.”

Kaveh can’t help but roll his eyes. A vengeful thought runs through his head that he already has photos with Alhaitham.

“It’s all funny business guys, but I’m hungry as hell,” he says just to get away and avoid being included in further discussions on this topic.

There’s three more hours of shooting ahead, he has to be collected.

***

“Woah! It’s awesome! Thank you Alhaitham!”

Candace exclaims getting off from the jet ski, which he is driving and shouts waving her hands, “Kaveh, you came! You absolutely should try it!”

While Kaveh was taking a shower and tidying himself up in his bungalow after shooting, the rest of the youngsters and staff went their separate ways around the island, and at the time he returned to the beach Alhaitham got a jet ski somewhere and was giving the girls and Itto a little rides.

“We were just talking about how sad it will be if your boyfriend gets caught cheating,” Dehya winks at him.

“Excuse me?” Kaveh widens his eyes.

Nilou giggles.

“Your boyfriend is having fun here giving girls rides, I wonder what will happen if the paparazzi suddenly take a picture of him like that,” she looks mysteriously into the distance with a sly smile.

Kaveh is slow to think but eventually it dawns on him and he groans, “Oh, come on! We’re not dating!”

“Wait, are you two dating?” Itto seems much slower to think.

“We’re not!” Kaveh whirls to him with furrowed brows.

“We know. But the public doesn’t,” Dehya crosses her arms and nods to the side, “So maybe you should go for a ride too, so you don't end up in the press as the guy who got cheated on.”

“Are you all in cahoots here?” Kaveh grumbles petulantly.

“What for?” huffs Candace.

“To drive me crazy!” he throws up his hands in despair.

“Alhaitham will drive you,” Dehya sticks out her tongue at him.

“No shit,” he mouths under his breath and heads to the sea, where a jet ski rocked rhythmically on the waves.

It's not that he cared what the paparazzi and tabloids would say, it's just that he'd never actually ridden a jet ski and was really eager to try it.

“Can I ride by myself?” he asks Alhaitham as soon as he gets closer.

“Nope. The lease is in my name, so only I can drive it,” he smirks.

“Ugh, fine,” he gives up quickly and gets on the jet ski.

Itto shouts from the shore, "Be careful with him! He can be cruel!"

“Oh, I know,” mutters Kaveh, which earns him a sideways glance.

He settles behind, leaning on his arms and swinging his legs, trying to maximize the distance between them.

“You better hold on properly,” says Alhaitham as he starts the jet ski and taxis out to the sea.

“You better drive carefully,” retorts Kaveh, not moving an inch.

He relaxes and lets a gentle breeze caress his face. The setting sun silvers the surface of the water, and scattering drops lightly hit his feet. They fly towards the horizon, around them there are only waves and in the Kaveh's chest something aches a little from contentment. Alhaitham picks up speed and moves in a straight line, which makes the jet ski hit the waves a little harder. Kaveh waddles awkwardly.

“Hey, easy now! I’m not some girl who needs to be impressed!”

“Are you accusing me of showing off or did I hear you wrong?”

“Exactly, mister I-will-walk-around-with-my-tail-spread-like-a-peacock-all-day-long.”

“Such a grandiloquent naming.”

Kaveh doesn't even have time to open his mouth to answer, as Alhaitham abruptly steers the jet ski straight into the wave, causing Kaveh to jump so hard that he risks flying out to sea. He lands painfully on his butt and hisses.

“Told you to hold on properly,” he says, picking up speed again, and makes a sharp turn, causing a wave of spray to rise up, drenching them both.

“Fuck you!”

Instead of answering, Alhaitham grabs his hand and puts it around his own waist, while roughly driving the jet ski.

“See? Very easy.”

At this point Kaveh just wanted to stay alive and advisable not to fall into the sea, so he pressed himself closer to Alhaitham’s back and wrapped both arms around him tightly. The water occasionally hits him in the face so he hides it in other’s neck and just waits for Alhaitham’s zoomies to end.

After a solid five minutes of crazy ride everything calms down, the water stops lashing him and the jet ski stills smoothly and slowly.

Kaveh takes a deep breath to start yelling and chokes on his spit. Alhaitham smells so deliciously good his guts make a flip stronger than during the ride. And now he finds himself in an interesting situation— the open sea, the godlike man of his nightmares he tightly hugs, and no one around, and nowhere to run. On the edge of his blank mind he catches the thought of how soft and elastic the skin is under his hands, how broad the back is, which he wants to nuzzle badly, and he realizes crystal clearly that it’s over for him. So stupid.

Alhaitham gently unwraps his arms and turns around full body, throwing his leg over the seat. It’s even harder to look him in the eyes. Crystalline green in the ray of sunlight. Alhaitham must have seen something was off and peered into Kaveh’s face.

“Was it really that scary?”

Kaveh wants to laugh, because it’s so funny that Alhaitham blames his shock on the silly ride. He shakes his head instead of answering and Alhaitham simply pats his thigh and airily dives into the sea. Kaveh blinks in the second shock.

“Not only did you try to actively kill me, now you want to just leave me here to die alone in the middle of nowhere?”

“Didn’t know you’re so yellow-belly”, Alhaitham grins, flashing his white teeth and Kaveh’s heart flutters.

“Relax and enjoy the sunset for once, when else will you be able to pamper yourself like this in the near future?”

“You have an interesting concept of pampering, you know that?”

Alhaitham rolls his eyes and dives headfirst into the water. Kaveh turns his gaze to the beautiful sunset. He tries hard to calm the deafening swarm of his own thoughts in favor of enjoying a so-called wholesome moment. Alhaitham emerges and splashes water at him.

“Hey! You do realize I can start a jet ski and sail away from here without you?”

“You won’t do it.”

“Yes. Because I am an angel. And you’re a menace!”

Alhaitham keeps splashing water at him and Kaveh’s shoulders involuntary tremble with laughter, as he tries to reach him with his foot to kick and nearly falls off. Alhaitham catches him by the ankle and instead of dragging him into the water, he stabilizes him and helps him find his balance. Something tingles in Kaveh’s abdomen at the gesture. He rakes a hand over his face.

“Let’s go, it’s getting late, I don’t wanna miss my flight tonight,” he actually wants and this is what scares him, so he hurries them both to return to the real world.

He watches Alhaitham easily lift himself up on the jet ski and runs his hand through his wet hair to keep it out of his eyes, and thinks how he’s gonna survive the next ten minutes' drive. An idea comes to his mind.

“I’m gonna drive on the way back.”

“Do you even know how to drive?”

“I’m a quick learner.”

Alhaitham lifts a brow but doesn’t argue.

Kaveh should have foreseen that he was a little out of his mind and couldn't think clearly, so his idea turned out to be possibly worse than the original state of affairs. On their way back he wasn’t pressed to Alhaitham, yes, but Alhaitham was. He slides his hand over his body and Kaveh bends down lower to avoid pressing too close. He lays his head on his shoulder and Kaveh feels his hot breath on the bare skin. This is too much.

“You’re heavy!” he breaks.

Alhaitham just straightens up then and pulls him closer— his vision blurs at the sense of other’s warm skin fully on his back. Alhaitham’s thumb slowly strokes circles on his abdomen so casually, Kaveh wants to cry loudly. With his other hand Alhaitham gently tucks his hair so it doesn’t get tousled drying in the wind. Some hot sprinkles merge in Kaveh’s lower stomach in a tight knot. What this infuriating man does to him, and without any efforts, is a disaster. Kaveh thinks he needs to get laid as soon as gets back to the city— he must really rarely feel some human touch to react like this. He blames it on oxytocin bursts.

He doesn’t remember how he managed to get back to the shore, only embarrassing thoughts and pictures of making out right there on the jet ski were spinning in his mind.

“Here they are, our lovebirds! Enjoyed your time together?” Dehya immediately shouts as Kaveh stumbles on to the sand, breathing hard. There were a few people left sitting on the shore and Kaveh for once in his life wanted to have some time alone now.

“It was mediocre.”

Alhaitham makes a protesting sound behind him.

“As much as I’d love to share uninteresting details for you to chew on it, I might be getting late for my flight.”

Simply as that he bids his hasty farewells to all of them, thanking them for working and spending some time together and rushes towards his bungalow, hoping that Alhaitham won’t follow him. He’s not responsible for what might happen in an empty closed room now.

Itto shouts after him, “What this man did to you!”

‘I wonder, too, Itto’ Kaveh thinks.

***

Kaveh had all the time in the world during the flight back to sort himself out. Assess the risks to his heart, calculate the pros and cons. Decide on what to do or not to do with that.

Alhaitham only caught him up in the hotel lobby, before his leaving.

“Hey, the transfer is already waiting for you to pick up,” his voice softer than usual.

“Okay, thank you, I’m ready to go,” Kaveh hesitates but does not look at him.

“I hope you're okay and I didn't ruin your evening too much.”

Kaveh flushed at the mention, as if this evening left his head for even a second, and started blabbering.

“No, no! Not at all, I’m just exhausted after a large flow of work these two days, the evening itself was perfectly fine.”

“Okay.”

Kaveh plucked up the courage to look up.

“Thank you for the evening by the way, it was nice and… refreshing.”

Alhaitham subtly smiled with a soft gaze, his eyes gleaming in the mild light the way Kaveh had never seen before.

“I’m glad.”

He got such a strong impulse to kiss him now his chest pounds. Run his hands through his hair, hug him around the neck tightly and make their way back into the bungalow so Alhaitham could hold him closely all night long. For some reason Kaveh thought that Alhaitham wouldn’t mind that either. Or maybe he’s delusional.

“Okay, I gotta be going now, see you!”

“Bye.”

And so he headed to the car and to the airport. Just before the take off he received a message: ‘safe flight’ and closed his eyes tightly. The desire to get off the plane and return to the island was so strong that his stomach twisted, but he has to be stronger and don’t let any incoherent thoughts rile him up.

After a solid few hours of flight he did his best at thinking straight and came to some conclusions.

One: they do have some ugly past but for now it doesn’t matter. Although they have to talk it over someday. Two: Kaveh considers Alhaitham pretty much attractive, he certainly wants him, but can’t quite figure out— is it something fleeting that one night together is enough for or he wants it to be long-lasting? Though Alhaitham doesn't look like a person who is interested in short-term relationships, and that makes him even more attractive.

And what does he have in his hands about Alhaitham? One: at some point in time, maybe even present, he definitely wanted to have Kaveh back. Two: he is attentive to him and he cares for him, although not to the extent that one would suspect that he has strong feelings. Three: it doesn't seem like he had had any strong feelings at all in his life and this upsets Kaveh because no matter how tempting the idea of a relationship may be, he’s unable to imagine what it's like to be loved by Alhaitham.

So in the end he decides to go with the flow and see how it goes, try to show little signs of his affection and see the reaction. And eventually talk to him when and if it becomes unbearable. But only after he's dealt with fashion week and the pile of work waiting for him in the city. He needs some time to let his emotions subside a little. Maybe he's just going crazy and it will pass.

***

“I'm sorry to inform you but they took you off the reality show.”

It was as if a huge boulder had fallen on Kaveh’s head. He couldn’t quite understand what Nahida was saying.

“What? But why? They did want me from the start, before even official casting, didn’t they?” he managed to fervently ask through his thick throat.

“I know you had high hopes for this job, and we’re just as disappointed as you are, but there’s nothing I can do,” Nahida looks genuinely upset but that hardly helps. Kaveh swallows a huge lump in the throat and doesn’t know what else to say.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not, honey!” Nahida widens her eyes and takes his hand, stroking, “You know, I can write them a letter and clarify about your participation, although it’s not customary to do so, and I think the answer will remain unchanged, but we can try.”

Kaveh appreciates the efforts, but he knows that she’s right.

“No need,” he answers with a bleak tone.

Kaveh stares at the wall and thinks about how he is losing something that was very important to him once again. Now he can forget about his own apartment. Not to mention that he will have to strain himself and look for a suitable rent. And pay off the debt for a long time. Incredibly sad but not fatal. He still has a couple of contracts here and there, fashion week is coming up, and there will definitely be something else from the offers, no less good. It's just a shame that he really believed in himself so much with his bad luck.

Nahida’s phone rings.

“I'll answer that and bring you some tea, you wait here, okay dear?”

Kaveh nods absently.

As soon as she leaves the door, Wanderer, who as always sits in the office, speaks up.

“Interesting. I thought everything was a little different with you.”

He is usually never particularly interested in anything or talkative, so Kaveh reacts right away.

“What are you talking about?”

“I thought it was your boyfriend who started dictating whether you work or not now,” he says in a sarcastic tone, “You know how it is— people get into relationships and are willing to neglect other aspects of their lives just so the other person can be happy. You look like one.”

Kaveh looks at him scandalized.

“What do you fucking mean? Spill it.”

“It was Alhaitham who got you off from this show,”he sneers and continues, “I thought everything had been discussed from all sides, but just now, hearing your conversation, I realized that even Nahida is not aware of his machinations.”

“Alhaitham has nothing to do with it!”

“I see. You don’t listen,” he huffs and turns to his computer, typing and clicking something.

Kaveh's ears start ringing.

Wanderer turns the screen towards him.

“This is the letter he sent to the show’s casting-director yesterday.”

Kaveh comes closer with a blurring vision while Wanderer looks at him with narrowed eyes, cheerfully twinkling.

‘..thank you for taking the time..’ ‘..we have carefully reviewed..’ ‘..unfortunately, Kaveh won’t be able to participate..’ ‘..combination of company requirements..’ ‘best regards, Alhaitham, Academia Models chef executive manager’

Kaveh closes his eyes to the point everything goes white. That just can’t be.

“I have access to all work emails and yesterday I didn't pay much attention to it. Maybe it's not quite correct of me to show you, but in any case you would have found out soon. I'll have to report to Nahida. An interesting story is brewing here.”

Kaveh can’t even berate him for such gloating. He just silently turns around and leaves the office without saying any goodbyes.

How is this possible? How could Alhaitham do something like this? He surely has his reasons. No, even if he does, he had to discuss it with Kaveh. He knew perfectly well how important it's for him. Just why is he taking away something significant again?

Thoughts are swarming in his head like grave worms. On the streets people go about their business and Kaveh stands in the middle of the crossroads and realizes how he lost at the same time two of the most significant things he dreamed of recently.

How could he be so stupid? How could he let himself be played like that, without even thinking about the consequences that might come. How could he fall for Alhaitham’s mixed signals and believe that everything could be okay? He is a stupid gullible pathetic fool. Dreaming of a person who seems no less than hate him. But just why?

He gets to the apartment in some kind of delirium. Tignari is not there, he is spending something like a honeymoon vacation with Cyno, so he won't be back for some time. Kaveh will have to cope with everything on his own— nothing new.

Kaveh takes out his phone and opens his messages. ‘Safe flight’ is the first thing his gaze falls on and this is what finally breaks him. Angry tears well up in his eyes, he presses the call button.

“Kaveh.”

The way Alhaitham says his name softly makes Kaveh shake with rage.

“Would you care to explain why you hate me so much?”, he tries to contain his voice, which is hoarse from the lump in his throat.

“Pardon?”

“Just why do you enjoy torturing me and ruining my life so much? What did I do to you? Does it just bring you incredible pleasure?”

“Kaveh…”

“Just don’t. Don’t pretend you’re sorry. Wanted to say you had your reasons? Well, those are yours! I had my own and you-“ his voice eventually breaks.

“Listen,”

“No. No, I won’t! You had plenty of time to tell me! You just chose not to. If there was anything to say at all.”

Alhaitham is silent and Kaveh can’t help but sob soundlessly.

“Just tell me,” he takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm his voice, “What happened with you wanting Kaveh back? Feeling any better now?“

Alhaitam is silent for a while, apparently trying to understand what he is talking about and eventually gets the hint.

“It’s was back then, when I-”

Back then, Kaveh thinks. History repeats itself exactly like back then. They are just not meant to be anywhere near each other. Fatal mistake that he has ever thought otherwise.

“You know what? I won’t waste any second to listen to your intricate speeches. You don’t deserve this. Stay away from me, I beg you.”

He presses the end call button and immediately blocks Alhaitham everywhere, losing his last strength. Then he just collapses on the couch and cries his heart out, grieving for all that was lost.

***

Silverstein — Call It Karma (acoustic)

Fashion week was a blur for Kaveh. He was doing his job, and doing good: arrived on time, obediently endured all the preparations, walked magnificently along the cat-walk, generously distributing gratitude for the admiration, smiled a lot for the camera and pretended to be enjoying life. Inside he was a complete mess. To the point that he didn't even have the strength to do anything about it. Every evening he returned to the apartment and could barely fall asleep, and in the morning everything repeated itself.

Only two events stood out from the never-ending series of shows.

On the second day after the incident, he realized that he could ask Nahida to send a letter with clarifications, if she hadn't done it herself yet. Maybe they'd still take him. He sent her a message with this request and she didn’t respond. Kaveh just hoped that everything would work out somehow— he didn't want to bother anyone, or even delve into what happened. He was too fragile for it now, the wound was still fresh and bleeding.

On the sixth day one of the reporters backstage asked him about the guy he was dating. Kaveh felt a sharp sting in his chest, but he flashed out his smile and replied that there was no boyfriend, it was just speculation, the guy was just an employee at the agency. Naturally, then the reporter asked if his heart was still free in that case, at what Kaveh’s smile twisted, but he managed to say, that ‘yeah, yeah, although a potential candidate will have to compete for it with my job, I love all of this more than anything, look around, isn’t this show amazing?’

Tighnari returned but Kaveh did not tell him fully what had happened, partly out of shame for his stupidity, and partly so that he would not have to see his pitying eyes. He just said he lost one of the huge jobs. Tighnari felt sorry but nevertheless reminded him that his lease was coming to an end soon. Kaveh knew, thank you so much.

The reality-show started promoting, and he deliberately ignored it, muting everything about that.

He barely felt anything these days. But it gave him enough space to reflect on his life. Who is he, where is he, and who and where does he want to be. He liked the modeling world with all the advantages and shortcomings, but it seems he was burnt out from the endless race for shooting, contracts and popularity. Obviously he's doing great here, and maybe could do even greater, but it’s as if he had lost his motivation. Though he still should continue doing this for now, he needs to make a living. But it's worth thinking about what else he wants. He didn't allow a single thought about Alhaitham into his head.

He takes a temporary leave from work, and just tries to enjoy his free time: going to the movies alone, walking, grocery shopping, and suddenly drawing. He praises himself for finding a hobby that brings him pleasure and for not falling into depression.

After a month of this hasteless life he returns to his work and it turns out that everyone in the industry is only talking about the failure of the reality-show. He tries to analyze whether this fact makes his situation better? Does it excuse what happened? And comes to the conclusion that no.

Someone might think otherwise.

The next day after he moves into the model apartment that Nahida finally found for him, the doorbell rings. Kaveh was just laying out his new canvases and paints, wondering what he would paint. He mindlessly goes to open the door, not thinking that there might be someone there besides neighbors or a delivery.

His heart skips a beat and falls somewhere into his stomach at the sight of clearly worried Alhaitham in front of him.

He frantically runs his hand through his hair and breathes out, “Kaveh.”

For a moment, Kaveh feels a pang of compassion and a desire to calm him down, but steadfastly remains silent.

“Can we talk? Please.”

Kaveh chews on his lips and wonders if he is capable to do this now. His kindness outweighs the anger that has long since subsided and been cried out, so he can quite afford to listen to a couple of apologies and let him go in peace; he opens the door wider and goes inside.

The apartment is small, so Alhaitham places himself on the couch, and Kaveh leans to the kitchen counter opposite, crossing his arms and not daring to look at him closer, so is Alhaitham.

“You probably already know that the reality-show failed.”

“Yeah.”

Alhaitham lifts his gaze at him and Kaveh responds in kind, giving him the most indifferent expression possible.

Alhaitham shakes his head.

“I just want to tell everything honestly,” he begins, taking a deep breath and Kaveh tilts his head to the side ready to listen, “I knew from the start this show was crap. The first reason is Siraj, he is one of the organizers. A long time ago, when Nahida introduced you to him, she told me how unpleasantly he treated you, and at that event where we were together I was able to see it for myself. Not to mention he’s generally a scum of a person. Second: as soon as you told me you have been chosen for it, I decided to check the overall viability of the show, since I have a business and marketing degree, and found out, again, that it was miserable. It would never have become popular or profitable, but I have to give them credit, I'm surprised it even started coming out.”

Alhaitham allows himself something vaguely reminiscent of a chuckle.

“Anyway, due to these facts, I just wanted you to stay away from the scene. And, as a manager, I have such rights, even responsibilities. I wrote to them that you are unavailable and that's it. As for why I didn't discuss this with you.. We have a certain relationship.”

Alhaitham cuts himself off mid-sentence, clears his throat and continues.

“I just knew you would never agree to give this up, if I’d said so. And if I had simply presented you with a fait accompli, you would have got angry and would not have talked to me again. So I chose the lesser of two evils. Write to them a rejection and wait until you yourself understand that this was the right course of events.”

He looks up again with searching eyes and adds in a more quiet voice, “Of course I was planning to tell you. I’m not asking for forgiveness or understanding, I just want you to know the truth and that I simply wanted the best for you.”

Kaveh hums.

“So are you telling me I’m not capable of making the right decisions for myself?”

Alhaitham looks at him bewildered.

“No, you are. I just wanted to prevent any harmful and destructive chains of events for you.”

“Don't I have the right to make mistakes myself?”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Very selfish of you.”

Alhaitham sighs and closes his eyes.

“Yeah,” he pauses, “Back then, when we were students, I was enchanted by you, and cared for you deeply.”

Kaveh's breathing begins to falter at that. He clenches his shaking hands, not ready for this.

“I watched you torture yourself with too much work, studies. I tried to help you as best I could, supported you, persuaded you to leave all this, and only do what you really love— architecture. I could have helped you with the money, you know that. And I was more than willing to do so.”

“I would never let you.”

“I know. That's why I started putting unfair pressure on you. And you started to distance yourself. I was trying to get to you, you distanced more.”

“For me it was as if you were harshly judging my every action, causing me thinking I wasn’t enough,” Kaveh hugs himself.

“I know it now. But back then I was just a little guy watching the light of my life leave me and there was nothing I could do,” he smiles sadly.

Kaveh can’t help but smile, too— there was something touching about Alhaitham calling himself a little guy. He remembers him vividly. Indeed offended little boy, who couldn’t even express his feelings right. But now he sees a capable young man. Kaveh would never have thought that Alhaitham could look so vulnerable, and speak so openly. Not only verbally, the telltale signs of his body were louder than words: how he blinked rapidly, fidgeted his hands, his red tips of the ears and jumping throat. Kaveh succumbs to his sincerity.

“So I thought if you’re doing better without me, I would, too. I was determined to not bother you, unless you need me. That is what happened then. And I think this played a role in the recent situation when we… started talking again.”

“How so?” he pressed his index finger to his lips in thought.

“Could you give me a glass of water, please?”

“Sure.”

He pours some water and passes the glass to Alhaitham, sitting down on the other side of the couch. Now he feels a lot more comfortable now in his presence since all the possible balls were passed in his court.

Alhaitham looks at him with impossible gratitude and continues.

“When you started to talk to me again I wasn’t surprised much. It was bound to happen sooner or later,” Kaveh raises his brow at that but remains silent, “But what marveled me is that you came to me willingly the other day.”

“Nahida told me to do so.”

“Yeah, but then you came again without any particular urgency, didn’t you?”

Kaveh wrinkles his nose because he's right.

“I wondered then, did I really get some kind of chance to rewrite the past. I kept telling myself to be careful with my words, to be gentle, not wanting to hurt you again and push you even a tiny bit. Better safe than sorry, I learned it perfectly.”

Kaveh’s heart flutters with emotion.

“So yeah, I tried my best and came to the same miserable result. I guess I’m helpless before you and doomed to break your heart.”

“Don’t say that.”

Alhaitham turns his whole body towards him and looks into his eyes without reserve. Something flashes there and it feels unbearable, entirely consuming his heart; Kaveh can barely stand this gaze.

“I just need you to know, Kaveh, I never wanted this. I want you to be thriving, happy and safe. I’m glad you listened to me and all I can ask now is don't hold a grudge against me. If you can. That note you saw— indeed, I missed you dearly. But I'd rather be without you than see you unhappy. I’ll leave you at that,” he almost coos.

Kaveh looks at his face while he’s speaking his heart out and melts under that soft gaze. So mindful, so demure, so sincere. Maybe they deserve each other, Kaveh thinks— he feels helpless, too, when he’s saying,

“You wish,”

And falls into Alhaitham’s body, tightening his arms around his neck. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply, nuzzling the crook of his shoulder. It feels so flawlessly right to do, but Alhaitham remains still. Kaveh just presses himself closer, almost climbing onto his laps, hoping for reciprocity. And ultimately Alhaitham reciprocates. With one hand he pulls him closer, the other goes onto the back of his head, featherlightly weaving through his hair. Delicate kiss in the temple sends goosebumps down Kaveh’s spine and he presses his lips to bare Alhaitham’s shoulder in return.

He hears Alhaitham’s hard breathing and heart pounding and tries to calm him down by stroking his back, but to no avail. Alhaitham whispers from above, “You’ll be the end of me.”

Kaveh leans back and grins mischievously, “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

He lightly pecks him on the pink cheek but Alhaitham quickly tilts his head and captures his lips with his own. Kaveh makes a surprised hum that quickly turns into a hum of pleasure. What a skillful man. Alhaitham’s hands caresses his face fondly but his mouth does something entirely different, kindling him quite efficiently. Kaveh is a quick mess and his breath hitches, which Alhaitham takes as his clue to stop and step back.

“No-no-no, finish what you started”, Kaveh whines in whispers.

Alhaitham bites his lip and views him admiringly.

“With pleasure.”