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A timid knock on the door of the infirmary diverts Zali’s attention, but he doesn’t look away from the vials he’s holding. Even if he didn’t recognize that knock, he’s not exactly in the mood to talk to anyone. Especially not after their latest mission.
The owner of the knock enters the room regardless of the silence, yet Zali still doesn’t acknowledge his presence.
“Zali?” A familiar voice calls shamefully.
“What do you want?” Still not looking away from the vial between his fingers, Zali replies, his tone cold as ice. Normally, his heart would be filled with warmth hearing that voice, but not today. Vanta knows exactly why.
Vanta breathes in. “Just… Just wanted to say I’m sorry.” His apology comes out just like his exhale, shaky and quiet.
Zali silently puts his vials back on the counter. He stands in place, crossing his arms and staring into the wall in front of him. “You promised that you won’t attempt to sacrifice yourself for my sake anymore.” He turns his head towards Vanta, who is still standing at the door. “And what did you do?”
Vanta can’t even bring himself to look him in the eyes. He tensely keeps his gaze on the floor even when Zali approaches him.
“Hm? Answer me.”
Vanta’s throat tightens up. “I… I tried to shield you from falling rubble.” He recalls, actively avoiding looking anywhere near Zali’s direction, mainly out of shame, partially out of fear. Zali is just terrifying when he’s angry.
“And then?”
“Then I fucked up the whole mission…” Vanta mumbles, furrowing his brows. He takes a moment to think about the details of said mission.
“Go on.” Noticing his silence, Zali nods to urge him to continue, his tone remaining cold. Vanta can’t really tell if it’s to intimidate or comfort him.
“Because I abandoned my task to help you…?” Vanta says hesitantly, almost as if asking a question. He glances up with his head down, and his heart sinks when he sees the stern look of disappointment in Zali’s eyes. He prays that the ground would just open up and swallow him.
“Not only that, but you could have died. Do you realize that? You could have died.” Zali begins, emphasizing every word. “If you were even one inch off, you could have been crushed to death.” He harshly presses a finger against Vanta’s chest as he explains. The tyrant stands still, as if any wrong move would turn him into dust.
“You almost died, Vanta. I almost lost you. Again.” Zali’s tone softens for just a moment, and Vanta only nods his head in shame. He truly has no response. Not when he’s lost count of how many times Zali has scolded him about this exact same issue.
“I just don’t understand— Why do you keep doing this?! Why do you never learn?!” Zali chides before looking away, exhaling heavily to stop himself from saying or doing something he might regret. He puts his face in his palm, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “…Now I’m just lashing out. I apologize.” He sighs, realizing he might have gone too far.
“No, I’m— I’m sorry, I…” Vanta huffs, taking a step closer as he desperately searches his brain for what to say. “…Sorry isn’t enough. It’s just not enough.” He adds, his voice going quieter. He glances towards Zali. “How can I make it up to you? Is there anything I can possibly do?” He pleads, watching as the medic turns to face him again, and he notices his teary eyes when he moves his hand away from his face.
“Stop acting as if you have nine lives. That is all I ask.” Zali gives a pained smile, his usual gentle tone returning, and it splits Vanta’s heart in half. The tears really don’t help, and the fact that Vanta knows that he caused them only makes him want to go bury himself even more.
Before Vanta could nod and agree to whatever Zali tells him to do, like he usually does, something in his mind suddenly just… clicks.
“And what, just let you fucking die?” He asserts gruffly, taking Zali by surprise.
Almost brooding, Zali pauses before speaking, his voice small, “…Vanta, I don’t need you to protec—”
“Shut up. Fucking hypocrite.”
Stunned into silence, Zali blinks away his unshed tears. This is the first time the tyrant has ever told him off like this. It’s uncharacteristic.
“Yeah, getting mad at me for putting myself in danger when you do the exact same shit.” Vanta’s face reddens as he rants, “I saved your life, and this is how you thank me? By lecturing me about how I’m risking my life, as if yours doesn’t fucking matter?!”
He notices Zali’s hand moving to gently hold the pink feather accessory hanging from his choker, something he’s learned about the medic that he does to soothe himself when he’s distressed. It should’ve been a sign for Vanta to tone it down, to just take a deep breath and apologize, but for some reason, he doesn’t stop. He just keeps adding fuel to the fire.
“What, you got a death wish or something?” He taunts, his words feeling like acid in his own mouth. “Who knows what might’ve happened if I didn’t push you out of the way?!”
Zali clenches his jaw, biting the inside of his cheek. He scoffs bitterly, “Is that how you see me? Just someone who needs to be protected?”
“That’s not what I— You could’ve fucking died too!!” Vanta snaps, instant regret filling him when Zali flinches at his sudden raised volume, and he wishes he could cut off his own tongue and never speak again.
Zali clears his throat as he turns away, continuing to fidget with his feather. “Sounds to me like you’re the one with a death wish.” He mutters, his voice very clearly trembling.
It only dawns on Vanta why he turned away when he hears a quiet sniffle. He reaches a hand out towards Zali’s shoulder. “I… I didn’t mean—”
“Don’t.” Zali growls harshly, slapping Vanta’s hand away. “Don’t touch me. I can’t even look at you.” He shoots him a glare before walking away. “Get out. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“Zali…?” Vanta calls softly, his eyes wide with worry.
“Don’t make me repeat myself.” Standing by that same counter from earlier, he says coldly. Cold enough to send chills down Vanta’s spine and prompting him to hurry to take his leave.
Once Vanta’s footsteps disappear, Zali leans forward against the counter, his shaky arms barely supporting his upper body. His tears finally fall down his cheeks, and he sniffles in between sharp breaths as Vanta’s words play back in his mind on repeat like a broken record. It’s not like he’s wrong. He’s not wrong at all.
It’s times like this when Zali remembers why he stopped allowing himself to get close to anyone. This wouldn’t have happened if he simply never let himself get attached to Vanta, never opened up his heart to him, never let his walls down around him. When did being vulnerable ever serve a good purpose?
Of course he focuses too much on his job and forgets to consider the feelings of his loved ones. Of course he ends up hurting everyone around him, just like he always does. Of course he ruins everything he touches because of his own selfishness. Of course he has to go and destroy every bond he manages to build.
Maybe he never deserved to form genuine connections in the first place. Maybe he’s doomed to always be alone, after all.
…
…Lia would be disappointed in me, he thinks to himself, and it’s all that it takes to break him. He openly lets out a loud sob that wracks his whole body, not caring if anyone hears him. He sobs until his throat burns. He sobs until his lungs ache. He sobs until his head pounds. He sobs until—
Until those footsteps return and he feels a presence behind him, interrupting his spiral.
Exasperated, Zali wipes his eyes with his arm and takes a deep breath. “What? What is it?! What do y—” When he turns around, a pair of arms wrap around him, catching him completely off guard. “Hey! Let go of me!!” He struggles to break free in a brief moment of panic, like a cornered prey that was caught by a predator.
Except… it’s just Vanta, with the warmest embrace he’s ever felt in his entire life. But Zali doesn’t deserve such affection. He doesn’t deserve such kindness. He tries to push him away, and he pushes harder, and harder, but to no avail.
As a final attempt to loosen the arms around him, Zali digs his nails into them, certain that he broke the skin, but Vanta doesn’t even react. He only tightens his grip around him.
Zali soon realizes that struggling against the tyrant’s strong grip is useless, and eventually gives up, slumping against his chest. Not that he has any energy left.
“Vanta.” He grumbles into his shoulder.
No response.
“Vantacrow Bringer, unhand me this instant.” He demands, but his voice comes out weak and broken. It doesn’t have that solid edge like it usually does when he commands his teammates during their missions.
“Sorry for yelling at you.” Vanta finally speaks, his tone gentle and warm. “And for ruining the mission. And… And for being reckless.” He adds, feeling Zali slowly relax in his arms. “I’ll do better. I promise.” His voice starts to quiver and gets quieter the more he speaks, more out of regret than fear. “I promise, okay? So please, forgive me…”
Zali hates to admit it, but the tight grip around him is actually comforting. He feels so warm. He hates it. He hates how safe he feels in Vanta’s arms.
“I’m sorry too.” He sighs, finally returning the hug. “I got emotional and… I was thinking irrationally. I said some very insensitive things.” He mumbles as he hides his face further into Vanta’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry that you have to see me like this, Zali thinks, his body starting to tremble again. “I’m so sorry…” He repeats with a quiet hiccup. He doesn’t know how many times he’s said it at this point. He’s not sure if he’s crying again or not. He doesn’t know anything anymore. His head hurts. His chest hurts.
What a pathetic excuse for a hero he is, losing his temper and letting his emotional outburst control him like that. So much for being the unofficial leader of Krisis…
The entire time, Vanta doesn’t stop rubbing his back, refusing to let him go until he stops shaking. Even after Zali calms down, the tyrant doesn’t loosen his grasp one bit, as if he would be taken away from him if he did.
“Zali, I…” He begins, “How do I say this…” He pauses to gather his scattered thoughts together to try to form something coherent.
It’s now or never.
Vanta takes a deep breath. “You mean so much to me. More than you can imagine.” He whispers, squeezing Zali even tighter, tight enough for the medic to almost struggle to breathe, but he doesn’t seem to mind. “You mean so, so, so fucking much to me, dude…”
He starts to let go, but Zali doesn’t pull away from the hug. Instead, he sinks further into his arms.
“You’re my entire world. No, my entire universe.” Vanta continues as he begins to shyly stroke Zali’s hair, his voice remaining warm. “Which is why I will always protect you. It’s why I would gladly lay down my life for you. It’s not because I think you’re weak, or because I think you can’t protect yourself. No, far from that. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”
Zali listens in silence, taking every word in. He’s not sure if the dizziness he’s feeling is from Vanta’s warmth or from his soft words. Either way, he listens intently, and his heartbeat starts to speed up, unsure if this monologue is going the direction he thinks it’s going.
“It… It just pains me to see you not care about yourself as much as I care about you.” Vanta carries on with a heavy sigh. “I still remember the day I was recruited into A.S.H, and…” He trails off, like his train of thoughts was cut off. Actually, it’s more like his train of thoughts just crashed.
Despite not having his ear directly on Vanta’s chest, Zali can feel his heart pounding . His own heart soon starts matching his heartbeat as well. He can hear his own heartbeat so loud in his ears. The inside of his chest feels warm. Too warm. He swallows hard.
“Y-You… What I’m trying to say is… I’m…” Vanta stammers, his breathing getting heavier. “I just…”
His head goes blank when Zali looks up and meets his eyes, making him completely forget whatever he wanted to say. The look in Zali’s wide, teary eyes… it’s a mixture of shock, sorrow, and… something else. He can’t quite tell what emotion it is. He can’t tell if it’s negative or positive either.
“Man, it’s not fair, you’re so pretty when you cry…” Vanta utters in adoration, one of his hands goes to carefully wipe Zali’s tears with his thumb.
Zali feels a lump form in his throat again.
How can you still look at me with so much love and warmth?
Vanta’s gaze is sickeningly sweet. It makes him want to throw up. He doesn’t deserve this.
He doesn’t deserve to be loved back by the man he loves.
“Not fair? What do you mean?” He asks quietly, subconsciously leaning into Vanta’s palm.
Vanta absentmindedly tucks some strands of hair behind Zali’s ear. His reply comes out warmly, faintly, “It’s just not… I shouldn’t be thinking about how much I wanna kiss you when you’re being so vulnerable with me.”
...Oh.
Zali freezes up. He stares wide-eyed, before backing away from Vanta’s embrace, from his gentle touch, from his warmth.
Sudden realization hits Vanta. “Oh shit, did I say that out loud?” Awkwardly, Vanta asks, as if he can’t believe what just came out of his own mouth. “Oh. I did. Oh.”
Zali hurries to the door without a word before stopping when he hears Vanta call his name so, so gently.
“Zali?”
“I… I need to be alone right now. I’m sorry.” The medic looks back for a moment, and the look in Vanta’s eyes shatters his heart when they lock eyes. “I just need some time to cool off. Please… just give me some time.” Shakily, he pleads. “…I’m so sorry.” He runs off after blurting out.
“Did I do somethi—” Before Vanta has the chance to ask, Zali completely leaves his sight, leaving him to be the one all alone with his thoughts in the infirmary this time.
He fucked up.
He fucked up, and now Zali hates him. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut?! He’s already made him cry, was that not enough?!
Okay, maybe he didn’t completely fuck up. All Zali said was that he needs some time alone, right? He just needs to organize his thoughts, right…?
Yeah, it’s fine. Yeah! Nothing to worry about!
Nope, it’s not fine! Vanta essentially just admitted to wanting to kiss one of his best friends. He just completely and utterly destroyed their friendship. He—
Freaking out while pacing around the infirmary won’t do anything, Vanta realizes. He takes a few deep breaths, until his hands stop jittering.
Okay.
Nope, he still feels like throwing up. Great!
Ignoring the pit in his stomach for just a moment, Vanta tries to think. From past experiences, whenever Zali needed to be alone, he would usually go to the roof of A.S.H HQ to clear his mind. Vanta starts heading there straight away.
He’s had these feelings for Zali for as long as he’s known him. It didn’t take too long for him to realize that the adoration and affection he feels towards the medic definitely aren’t completely platonic. The butterflies in his stomach whenever he would smile at him, when he hears his voice, when his touch would linger a little too long… They’re all classic “tells” of a crush.
But… Vanta doesn’t always get nervous around Zali. Quite the opposite, actually. He’s never felt calmer than when he spends time around him. Whenever he’s anxious, Zali is always the first person he seeks comfort from. He is what keeps him grounded. One of the only people he feels like he can truly be himself around.
…He just never thought the day where he reveals his feelings would be so soon. Accidentally too.
Before he can sink further into his thoughts, he arrives at the top of the building.
Zali is there, standing near one of the edges, looking out into the surrounding city below. He doesn’t react when he hears Vanta’s footsteps behind him.
“Hey… you feeling okay?” Vanta asks hesitantly, trying to keep his voice soft.
Zali turns around to look at him before looking away again. He doesn’t seem as upset as before. He responds blankly, “Yes, I just needed some fresh air.”
Vanta realizes he's actually gazing at the setting sun. The beautiful red, gold, and blue hues of the sky melting together to create such a breathtaking view reminds Vanta of the eyes of the man in front of him. Except no sunset is anywhere near as captivating as Zali’s eyes, in his opinion.
They both watch the view in comfortable silence, until Zali speaks up after taking a deep breath.
“About earlier…” He starts, “Sorry for not being able to express myself better.” Somberly, he turns back, but he doesn’t look directly at Vanta. The golden glow of the sun highlights his features so perfectly. Vanta wishes he could take a picture of this moment to treasure it forever. He needs to pick up painting again…
Thinking that Zali finished speaking, Vanta opens his mouth to speak up, only for the medic to keep talking.
“I just got overwhelmed. I was not able to think clearly.” He admits quietly, turning to face the sunset again, as if he wants to hide his face.
“N-No! No, it’s my fault for saying that so suddenly…” Vanta mutters with a sense of guilt as he takes a step towards him.
“I’m not upset. Not at you, at least. I want you to know that.” He reassures, and Vanta lets out a small exhale of relief. He can see Zali cross his arms. “I just don’t like it when you pity me.”
“I’m not pitying you! I… I meant it. I meant every word.” Almost defensively, Vanta asserts, “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Hell, I didn’t even know I liked men until I met you!” As he rambles, he notices Zali lifting one of his arms to silently wipe his eyes. “You’re so kind and sweet, it’s only natural for me to want to protect you, y’know? And I just feel so warm and fuzzy around you, and…” Noting Zali’s silence, his voice fizzles out. “And… yeah…”
With his back still facing the tyrant, Zali looks up to the sky. “How often do you think about that?”
“About… About what?”
“What you said about… wanting to kiss me.” Zali finally fully turns around, his back is now facing the setting sun, which makes it hard for Vanta to really see his face, so he can’t read his expression clearly. What he can do though, is hear his soft, almost shy voice as he speaks.
Vanta exhales. With a slight smile, he answers softly, “Way more than I should.” As he continues to ramble, again, he barely notices Zali approaching him. “I-In general, I mean. Not just when you cry. Well, not every time you cry, that’d be kinda weird. I meant more like, wh-when you smile, or laugh, or sing, or when you’re playing the guitar, or when you’re really focused on a task, or when you’re treating my wounds, or—”
“Do you want to try?” Zali’s question cuts him off, and it completely fries his brain.
Vanta stutters incoherently for a moment, and when Zali gently places a hand on his cheek, his face deeply flushes, and it spreads to his ears. “Y-Yeah…” He replies quietly with his head down.
As soon as Zali hears that answer, he closes his eyes and leans in, pressing a quick, gentle peck on Vanta’s lips. When he leans back, Vanta is wide-eyed and frozen in place, and it makes Zali chuckle quietly.
Now that their faces are barely a few inches apart, Vanta can actually see Zali’s expression. He’s blushing. Zali is fucking blushing. His lips are curled into a bashful smile, and the tiniest glint of tears can be seen in his eyes.
Realizing he’s been holding his breath this whole time, Vanta exhales, then swallows, god, is he dead? Did Vanta die and go to heaven? Is that an angel in front of him?
“C-Can… Can you do that again?” He asks shyly, barely holding eye contact, and it’s enough to make Zali laugh softly before he leans in.
Vanta finds himself quickly relaxing, feeling the warmth of Zali’s lips on his again and letting him take the lead. It just feels right. They fit together so perfectly, like two puzzle pieces. Two broken puzzle pieces that were made for each other, that still fit together despite all their imperfections, and will always fit together, no matter how broken they are, no matter how broken they become.
It’s not as nerve-wracking as Vanta expected it to be, it’s just… comfortable. Except he doesn’t really know where to put his hands, and he doesn’t know when to breathe, and—
Zali breaks the kiss, making both of them gasp, Vanta slightly louder so.
“You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this.” Zali breathes out with an airy chuckle, and it’s like he took the words right out of Vanta’s mouth.
If there’s one thing Vanta knows about Zali, it’s the fact that he either doesn’t say a single word, or he says exactly what he means, directly and with no filter. Sometimes, it means that he can be a little too blunt.
It’s one of the many, many things he truly appreciates about the medic.
Zali leans forward and rests his forehead against Vanta’s shoulder. He mumbles, “I love you.”
Vanta stands still. He wants to reply with something, anything, but nothing comes out of his mouth. He wonders if time stopped moving.
“Vanta, I love you so much that it hurts.” Zali adds, “It hurts so much. It hurts me to see you not value your life. So that’s why…” He affirms, pausing for a second when his voice begins to tremble slightly. After taking a shaky breath, he looks up. “Just the mere idea of losing you… I don’t think I would want to live in a world without you.” He smiles, and Vanta recognizes it as the smile he gives when he tries to keep himself from crying.
As Vanta listens, he gently wraps his arms around Zali’s waist to bring him closer, and he responds by placing both of his hands on each side of the tyrant’s face.
“Never in my life have I felt happier than when I’m with you, Vanta.” Zali continues with a fond smile, “I felt like I was a living corpse for such a long time, and meeting you brought me back to life.” As he speaks, his eyes start to water again. “You…” He sniffles quietly, ignoring the single tear that escapes one of his eyes. “You make me want to stay alive, and… I’m just scared. I don’t even want to imagine what I would do if you lost your life protecting me.”
Once he sees his tears, Vanta’s eyes start welling up as well. He heavily exhales as he holds Zali tighter.
Zali wraps his arms around Vanta’s neck. “You’re more than just a friend to me, Vanta. You are my life.” He whispers, gazing up and hoping that his words can convey his love. When Vanta doesn’t respond, the medic looks to the side with a faint, awkward chuckle. “…I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. Am I even making sense?”
“Man, what the fuck, that’s so…” Vanta whines before hugging him closer, burying his face into Zali’s neck. He doesn’t hold back his tears anymore. “No way, you really… think of me that way?” He hiccups, feeling Zali nod and pet the back of his hair. “I feel the same, Zali. I feel the same!”
There are so many questions Vanta wishes he could ask, but his brain is just going way too fast. Why? How? Since when? …Why me?
But he doesn’t bother asking, because every answer he needs is right here, in his arms. And he’s never going to take this moment for granted. Not anymore.
“Can I make a selfish request?” Zali asks, and Vanta can clearly hear the smile in his voice.
He sniffles before replying, “Always.” He would gladly move mountains if Zali asked him to.
“Is it alright for me to wish to spend the rest of eternity with you?”
“Ya know, that’s kinda funny.” Vanta lifts up him effortlessly, one of his arms supporting his lower back while the other is wrapped around his waist. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”
Zali realizes he’s never been lifted like this before, so he’s taken aback, but quickly adjusts. He gazes down at the tyrant, at the soft look in his eyes, and Zali’s hands move to tenderly wipe away his falling tears.
One of the many things Zali excels at is hiding his emotions. Seeing Vanta’s genuine smile as Zali wipes his tears… It really makes him regret not being forward with his feelings sooner. He’s known that Vanta likes him back for a while now. It was just too obvious. But he never had the courage to even show that he does indeed return his affection. That he wants nothing more than to always be by Vanta’s side, to support him, and most of all, to make him happy.
So Zali won’t run away anymore. Moving forward, he wants to make sure Vanta knows how much he loves him, as often as he can.
“May I kiss you again?” Zali asks sweetly, his smile spreading when he sees Vanta perk up.
“Y-Yeah! Yeah, y-you don’t even need to ask!” His reply is enthusiastic, nearly stumbling over his words, and it makes the medic laugh before leaning in to kiss Vanta’s forehead, then locking their lips together once more.
Vanta soon notices how soft Zali’s lips really are against his. His movements are so gentle, so tender, and so skilled, as if he’s done this a million times before. At the thought of anyone else getting to kiss Zali, Vanta instinctively presses his lips just a little rougher against Zali’s, which he definitely notices.
As if urging him to relax and slow down, Zali runs his fingers through Vanta’s short hair, and it works, for the most part. The tyrant pulls back for just a moment to let them both breathe before diving back in.
He tries to copy something he’s seen in movies, tentatively brushing his tongue flat against Zali’s lips, which makes him pull away in surprise before he lets out a soft chuckle. That motion sort of reminds him of an overexcited puppy. It’s cute.
“You licked me.” Zali says gently, with a smile that makes Vanta’s heart skip a beat. Or two.
“S-Sorry, did I do it wrong…? Was I not supposed to do that?” Vanta asks awkwardly, almost in fear, growing more nervous by the second.
Zali quickly figures out what he meant to do, and gives a reassuring smile as he cups his cheeks. “Just follow my lead, okay?”
When Vanta nods, he leans in for another kiss. After they both adjust to each other’s pace, Vanta feels something warm and wet on his lips, and he slightly parts his lips to grant it access. He lets out a tiny startled whimper when he feels it against his tongue.
Upon hearing him make that sound, Zali immediately pulls away. “Is that too much?” Quietly, he asks in concern.
“N-No, it’s… no, th-that’s, that’s—” Vanta stammers, his cheeks burning a deep red. He swallows, barely breathing steadily. “J-Just… Just keep going, please…” He breathes out, and Zali comfortingly pets the back of his head, which helps calm his nerves a little.
As Zali goes to kiss him again, this time managing to gently slip his tongue in between Vanta’s lips without the tyrant freaking out, he feels his heart rate gradually rising, realizing how quick Vanta is learning from him. He wraps his arms around his neck, softly humming into the kiss, letting out a sigh when Vanta tugs on his bottom lip with his teeth.
Vanta, on the other hand, can basically feel his own heart in his throat. Is his head spinning? Is the world spinning? Are his insides on fire? He slowly sets down Zali back on his feet before breaking the kiss with a gasp. He doesn’t notice just how wobbly his legs are until he has to lean on Zali for support.
“FuckI’msolightheaded…” Out of breath, Vanta speaks quickly, slurring his words together. His face is fully flushed, with a few droplets of sweat falling.
Zali lets out a faint chuckle, not to laugh at him, but more out of surprise at his reaction. Well, it isn’t much of a surprise. “It’s okay. Breathe.” He soothes, and realizes that he’s also out of breath. “Need to sit down?” He asks once he notices Vanta is barely standing up, and when he nods, the medic leads him to sit with him on one of the old benches on the roof. “There we go.”
He has to admit, seeing the intimidating tyrant, able to take down 100,000 armed combatants all by himself, stutter and blush and nearly faint just from a kiss… is adorable. It just makes Zali fall even harder for him.
When they sit down, Vanta rests his forehead on Zali’s shoulder as he catches his breath, mostly to hide his face, but also because his head feels far too heavy to sit upright.
Zali doesn’t stop softly petting the tyrant’s hair, not even for a moment. “My heart is racing too.” He says, taking one of Vanta’s shaky hands to press it against his own chest.
Feeling Zali’s rapid heartbeat against his palm… actually makes Vanta feel a little better. He doesn’t feel as silly for getting so flustered, but also… does he really have that strong of an effect on Zali? Knowing that he does indeed make Zali’s heart race… kind of inflates his ego. Would he admit it? Not really.
“See? It’s not just you.” Zali adds with a breathless laugh. He continues playing with Vanta’s hair, and once he notices his breathing seeming to calm down, he asks, “Did we move too fast?”
“Sorry, I… I-I wasn’t ready…” Vanta stutters, his voice quiet next to Zali’s ear.
With a soft laugh, Zali starts, “It’s okay, I don’t think I was fully ready either, if I’m being honest.” He feels Vanta lean further against his shoulder. He gently continues, “But we don’t need to rush. We have all the time in the world.”
Vanta gives an affirmative hum. He squeezes Zali’s hand, which is now resting in his lap.
“Okay?” Zali gently squeezes his hand back. He smiles when Vanta nods against his shoulder. “I can wait until you’re ready. Until we’re both ready.”