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The night air is filled with a light haze of smoke, and the acrid odor seemed to permeate every inch of the small one-room apartment
"I told you not to smoke in the apartment..."
A sleepy voice with a hint of irritation comes to Ajax's ears. Alberich sits down on the edge of the couch where he had previously tried to sleep and lazily pulls the eyepatch over his eye, which was, in his opinion, too disfigured by the burn scar. How many times had he asked his roommate to smoke on the balcony? Countless.
"Woke you up? Sorry."
The guy looks in his direction and grins tiredly. He takes another long drag before getting up from behind his small desk, grabbing a half-empty pack of cigarettes and heading out onto the balcony after all. A moment later, he peeks out from there again, holding the still unlit cigarette between his fingers.
"Want one?"
Kaeya can't hold back a small smile. He may smoke rarely, but he doesn't need to be offered twice.
"Consider it compensation."
Hesitantly, he pulls on the clothes carelessly tossed the evening before on the chair by the couch and heads for the balcony door.
Ajax holds out a cigarette to him, and then watches Alberich's face glow with the flame of the lighter for a moment before he lights up and rests one arm, bent at the elbow, against the railing. Holding the cigarette between the two fingers of his other hand, he took a slow drag, and just as slowly exhaled the tobacco smoke. He never brought the cigarette to his lips again.
He caught himself thinking that his roommate had a handsome profile, even in the semi-darkness, where the only source of light was the dim city lights below and the moon that rarely peeked out from behind the clouds.
The night wind ruffles their hair and a slight chill runs down their skin, but they both ignore it. It seems such a small thing. And yet they will never admit that each other's company in these quiet, sleepless hours is the only thing that matters. Not even to themselves.
"Why aren't you sleeping?"
Kaeya doesn't even look at Ajax as he asks this stupid question, knowing that the answer will be obvious, if there is one at all.
For a few seconds they just stand in silence while Ajax tries to think of something to answer, taking a drag. He really hasn't been sleeping well the last few days, but he doesn't want to go into details, so he prefers to wave off short, vague phrases.
"Insomnia"
His normally loud and cheerful voice now sounded quiet and serious. He didn't mind the company and he didn't mind the question. But sharing his worries with someone else was not something his upbringing allowed him to do. A soldier should handle everything on his own, right?
"Well, don't answer if you don't want to."
Kaeya stares out at the nighttime city in the distance, and it seems like all of it-the streetlights, the bright flashing signs of the convenience stores, the lights in the windows of the house across the street-is reflected in his blue-purple eye, which isn't hidden under the patch.
Without turning his head, he shifts his gaze to the other guy, lifting the corners of his lips. He knows better than anyone that questioning in this case is futile and will get him absolutely nowhere.
"You should smoke less, you know." - After a moment's silence, he quickly adds in a joking tone, "we'll go completely broke on your bad habits."
Ajax chuckles at his comment and shakes the ashes right off the balcony.
"Worried?"
His tone is dry, almost unemotional. Amused at the very thought that someone might care.
"Worried."
The answer seems too direct and abrupt. Kaeya answers almost without thinking. Yes, he is worried. Yes, he worries about his health. Yes, he cares. Though he never said it outright, it seemed almost obvious. To both of them.
Ajax finds his direct answer absurd, even foolish. Pretending to consider something down below, he hangs back and says, as if by the way, as if he didn't mean anything in particular, something he had been thinking about for a long time.
"You should watch your bad habits."
"Which ones?"
The guy turns, his cold, dark blue eyes narrowing as if he was trying to read something on his face. As if it was in his face, in his gaze, that he wanted to find confirmation of his hunches. Did he really want to?
It was only his guess, but Ajax was not stupid. He couldn't help but notice the way Kaeya sometimes paused for a split second and held his gaze on the knife while he cooked. He couldn't help but notice the way Kaeya tried to hide his left wrist behind long sleeves, wristbands, or wide leather bracelets. He couldn't help but notice how Kaeya's gaze grew cold and how he tried to find an excuse to leave whenever the subject of self-harm came up anywhere. He couldn't help but notice the bloody napkins in the trashcan, diligently covered by other garbage from a few days ago.
"... Never mind."
Turning away, Ajax mutters a reply to himself and puts out his finished cigarette on the railing.