Work Text:
“Ricky, can you tell us what’s going on up there?” Hank asked.
Ricky called a raccoon over and knelt down in front of it to talk to it. “Report back if you find anything,” Ricky said, standing up while the raccoon ran off. “In a minute she’ll send a bird back here to fill us in,” Ricky told Hank.
“Good, thank you.”
Peter ran in place impatiently. “Tell your raccoon friend to hurry up, I want something to do!” he complained.
“Patience is a virtue, mein freund,” Kurt told him.
The older boy rolled his eyes. A bird flew above them and landed on Ricky’s shoulder. Ricky nodded along, listening to what the bird was telling him. Suddenly his eyes widened and his mouth went dry.
“What’s going on? What is it saying?” Jean asked.
“It’s him…” Ricky said ominously.
Jean walked up to him. “Who?”
“Count Dogulas… That son of a bitch.”
“Who is zhat?” Kurt asked Peter who went still when Ricky said Count Dogulas’s name.
Peter turned to him. “He wants to destroy all humans and mutants. He works with Queen Nefertiti Bastet III.”
“My bird friend said they’re planning on using the Ultra Death Laser to destroy the Earth,” Ricky explained. “After that, they’re going after their own planets. We have to stop them.”
“Quite right, Richard,” Hank nodded.
Scott was thinking in silence during their brief conversation. “Ricky, what should we do?” he asked, finally speaking up.
“I have a plan,” Ricky said. “Hank, you fly the Blackbird up to their ship in stealth mode. Kurt, you teleport me, you, and Peter into the ship. Jean, you keep us invisible. Scott, you–” he didn’t have a job for Scott. He didn’t really like Scott all that much, either. Ricky believed Jean could do better, for instance, Ricky, “–stay with Hank in case anything goes wrong.”
“Vhat do ve do once ve are in zheir ship?” Kurt asked.
“I’ll explain in the Blackbird. Let’s go,” Ricky said, leading everyone back into the ship.
Hank took off and put the Blackbird into stealth mode like Ricky told him to.
“Alright, once Kurt gets us in there and Jean has us invisible, that’s when we go. We’ll have to stay together in case anything goes wrong since we need Kurt in order to get out. Count Dogulas and Queen Nefertiti Bastet III are very dangerous. Do not let them put you in the Cone of Shame. Believe me, it is very hard to escape. When we’re there, Peter will run around and get the layout of the place and lead us to the control room. The three of us will have to figure out how to deactivate the laser. If anything goes wrong, Peter, slow down time to give yourself longer to figure something out. If nothing else, bring the three of us together so Kurt can teleport. It’s better to have to try again than to be dead.”
Peter nodded along. “I got maybe half of that, but okay!” he said, giving Ricky two thumbs up. Kurt hummed in acknowledgement.
“Richard, we’re coming up on the enemy’s ship,” Hank told him.
“Alright, are you two ready?” Ricky asked Peter and Kurt. They nodded and Kurt held both their hands. “Jean, you have us disguised?”
“You’re good to go,” she said.
“Kurt, take us in.” They disappeared in a cloud of smoke and reappeared inside of Count Dogulas’s ship.
“Peter, your turn,” Ricky said once they were backed up against the wall.
Peter nodded and in an instant he said, “This way.”
He led the group through the halls, avoiding any dog or cat people they passed. Jean’s power was working for them so far. Once they got to the control panel, they snuck around the dog’s in the room and started searching the buttons for anything that might be useful. Ricky’s eyes landed on a big red button that said “self-destruct.” That would be a last resort.
“Can you guys see any way to disable the laser?” Ricky asked Kurt and Peter. Kurt was currently on the ceiling looking at the wires up there and following where they connected to the panel while Peter was on the ground crouched over messing with the cables inside of the system.
“Nein,” Kurt said.
“Nope,” Peter didn’t find anything either.
Ricky heard sniffing behind him and the hair on his neck and arms stood up.
“Bachelor Man…” a low voice growled.
Ricky turned around and saw Count Dogulas towering over him. “Crap.”
Peter ran in and moved him out of the way of Count Dogulas’s attack. The speedster helped Ricky balance after the sudden movement and he looked at Count Dogulas. Kurt was still on the ceiling, waiting for instructions. The other dogs haven’t moved other than to look at Count Dogulas. They seemed confused.
“Count Dogulas can only see me,” Ricky said, making it look like he was only talking to Peter, but saying it loud enough so Kurt could hear. He didn’t want to let Count Dogulas know that he had multiple people with him. “Pete,” Peter looked at him confused, Ricky had never called him that before. Ricky shifted his eyes to Kurt on the ceiling so Peter knew he was actually talking to Kurt, “get him.”
“That’s you, Kurt,” Peter said since Count Dogulas couldn’t hear either of them.
Kurt dropped from the ceiling and landed on Count Dogulas’s back, he clung to the villain’s shoulders and stabbed him with his tail, making sure to not hit any of his vital organs. Count Dogulas’s minions ran away, fearing the enemies they couldn't see.
“Should I hit the blow-shit-up button?” Peter asked Ricky.
Ricky nodded and Peter ran to hit the self-destruct button. He collected Kurt and Peter and Kurt teleported them away. As they left, Count Dogulas growled, “Curse you, Space Age Bachelor Man!” They got back to the Blackbird and watched Count Dogulas’s ship explode.