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It all happened very suddenly.
Tim, Jason and Damian had just arrived in the manor. They were in the middle of taking their coats and shoes off when a blinding light shone in their faces, taking only one second to appear and disappear altogether. Before they could even change their stances for defensive ones, the light had already died down and, unexpectedly, a completely unknown blonde woman, probably in mid twenties, stood in front of them in the manor’s entrance foyer.
Before Jason could even mutter the ‘what’ of the ‘what the f-’, the woman took a single look at Tim and shrieked . Her very high-pitched scream of delight would forever haunt Tim for a long, long time.
“It worked, I can’t believe it!” She giggled happily, jumping at Tim as if it was totally natural to do so. “Tim!”
“Whoa!” He avoided contact, dodging her opened arms with dexterity. “Stranger danger, everyone!”
“No, no, I’m sorry. I’m no stranger. Ok, maybe I am, but I can explain.” She turned to him apologetically, both hands up in a calming motion. “I am a huge fan of yours. My name is Karen, I am from a different universe where you are just a comic character, but you are my absolute favorite. I had a chance to wish to meet you, and was very doubtful that something like this could actually happen, so I was rightly shocked to appear in front of you like this.” She gushed, staring at him with stars in her blue eyes.
“Oh man, another Tim fangirl. Where are mine? I love mine.” Jason whined, looking at Damian with clear tiredness. “She must be from that fanfiction site the others came from, Ao3 right?”
“That does seem like it, unfortunately. Those are the worst.” Damian deadpanned, agreeing with Jason’s sentiment wholeheartedly.
“10 bucks she is anti-Damian.” Jason proposed, grinning.
Damian stared at him, considering. “20 she dislikes the whole family.”
Tim sighed, face palming.
“You two are truly awful, oh my God!” The woman, Karen, chastised both of them, with a very judgemental stare. “I don’t get how Tim still treats you as family.”
“He looooooves us.” Jason mocked, a wolfish grin on his face, clearly having too much fun.
“He shouldn’t, especially the brat.” She hissed, staring Damian down as if dealing with an insect.
“Oh for the love of-” Damian murmured explosively, putting one of his hands inside his back pocket and taking out a 10 dollar bill. “You are insufferable.” He growled, slapping the bill over Jason’s open hand while the older man laughed out loud.
“I’ll bite. What is your problem with the demon brat here?” Jason asked with mirth, ignoring Tim’s and Damian’s groans. They weren’t supposed to entertain the anomalies. They had learned their lesson with the other occurrences.
“He tried to kill Tim more than once!” Karen answered as if it was obvious.
“I tried just once, I guess, so am I fine?” Jason asked, checking the parameters.
“You didn’t know what you were doing, you were under the effect of the Lazarus Pit.” She answered, again, as if it was obvious.
“And he knew? He was literally a little kid.” Jason pointed at Damian with his thumb, clearly incredulous. “It's always the same shit, I swear.” He stared at both his little brothers, with a face of ‘can you believe this shit?’ and no actual fucks to give.
“Yeah, yeah. You are such a bad boy, we all know.” Tim rolled his eyes, knowing Jason was not really complaining in Damian’s defense. “Big bad Red Hood, almost killing the unsuspecting Robin in Titans Tower and not even receiving recognition of his amazing deeds.” He drawled, staring at Jason’s pouting face completely done.
“I was clearly superior in my attempts.” Damian remarked disinterestedly, bored out of his mind. “I eclipsed Todd’s performance. They always remember mine only.” He looked up, sighing with exasperation.
“Are you proud of it? You should really be ashamed of yourself. Tim is just a baby, he doesn’t deserve to be forced to daily meet and live with his aggressor like this!” Karen continued, indignant.
Jason choked. “He is what?”
“A baby!” She reiterated, completely serious.
“What? No, I’m not!” Tim reacted incredulously, weirded out. He could see on his brothers faces their utmost effort to not laugh and risk stopping the crazy woman from saying anything funnier.
“Yes, you are. You are just a tiny baby that needs to be protected from this demon and this awful family! He tried to kill you twice and is still protected by these people!”
Damian extended his hand with the palm up to Jason, silently waiting.
Jason put two 10 dollar bills over it, biting his own lip to stop the grin from spreading.
“A tiny baby.” Damian repeated, staring blankly at Tim. “Sure.” He agreed, sounding strained, mirth shining through his eyes even with his expression under control. Tim cringed.
“You! Shut up!” Karen intervened, pointing her finger at Damian while approaching him in quick steps. “No one wants you, you little gremlin. The bat family should have already kicked you out long ago, you are evil and violent. There is no way you will ever change, or ever be forgiven!” The blond girl shrieked, face to face, growling like an animal and with her spit hitting Damian in the face.
Damian blinked twice, flatly, cleaning the spit away.
“Good to know, I guess. If you will excuse me, I have more important things to do with my time than dealing with an insane person as yourself. Good luck, Drake. Yours are always the worst to deal with.” Damian answered condescendly, nodding at his brothers and leaving the foyer altogether.
“Get back here, murderer!” Karen screamed in rage, stamping her foot on the floor with frustration. “Are you all seriously gonna let him do whatever he wants when he was such a threat to Tim?” She asked in dismay.
“For the love of God, I can take care of myself just fine!” Tim retorted indignantly. “Look, I appreciate your… Consideration, but it’s not actually needed. Yes it was hard, yes I was pretty sad about it, yes I was wrong too in some instances, but thanks to the Universe things got better.” He continued sternly, completely fed up with the whole situation. It did not help that Jason was in the corner hugging himself, shielding his face with one of his hands, while clearly holding back his laughter with all his might. Tim would never live it down, he whined mentally. “I will not repeat this, not even under torture, but I love my little brother and I know he loves me too. The kid was worried I had been switched or substituted by another person when I started dating Bernard, because he thought it was suspicious how happy I was, which is pretty funny thinking about it. But the whole thing was pretty cool, too. Never before have I been so happy to get a threatening blade to the throat, actually.” Tim stopped, considering.
“That doesn’t make any sense! He is violent, he deserves to be kicked out and sent back to whatever fate Ra’s wished for him!” Karen complained, trying to show Tim the reason he was apparently lacking. “How can someone so smart not see something so obvious?”
Jason lost the fight against restraint.
His guffaws exploded just after a little ‘oooooh that's priceless!’ escaped his mouth.
Tim stared at her in horror and offense. She was questioning his intelligence? Hell no! Limits were trespassed! “What the fuck. First, Damian and Ra’s are in a good moment in their familial relationship these days, even if I don’t particularly like the old man. So really, at the max they would meet to have some bonding time in the wilderness talking about the past, playing some survival games and Damian would return reinvigorated. Second, that is really cruel, actually. Damian is only fourteen. Why would you wish him harm? That's crazy. Third, I think it's best for you to go back to your universe, ma’am. It’s not our first rodeo with your type, but I seriously suggest keeping your fanfictions correctly tagged to avoid spreading this unsavory drama to those that actually understand my family.” He stared at her with consternation. “Seriously, there were a lot of complaints of people not knowing how to tag. I particularly don’t know what that means, but I agreed with some arguments. I particularly would not like to start reading a story tagged with a character I like only to discover they barely show up at all. Or, God forbid, when they do show up they are painted in the most basic light ever and villainized in the most grotesque way. Anyway.” Tim finished, taking a deep breath after the word vomit.
“Seconded!” Jason agreed between giggles.
Tim wanted to put his head under the sand or something. Maybe he could ask Damian to really kill him, give him some peace.
Karen stared at them all in dismay, with an open mouth and dejected figure. “But-”
Tim promptly interrupted, showing her the way with one arm without actually nudging her to leave. “Let’s go, ma’am. Let’s take you back to your universe, I’m sure there are a lot of WIPs for you to still read. But, please, just do not infantilize me anymore. Seriously.”